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Saturday, March 29, 2003 11:38 p.m.

DLed almost 50% of naruto episode 25 ^_^ this series is really good. i recommend it to people who like action with brains anime ^^

*looks at the current page* it's getting quite long.. i think i should archive this soon ^^ and maybe make a new layout.. that is.. if i find the time and err.. heart to make a new one ^^;

geh.. i'm becoming a worry wart these days.. sars, war.. exam ^^; but somehow, i still can't find the heart to do anything. i want.. encouragement.. not expectations.. some confidence.. not too much.. and not too little.. ^^; sometimes.. i can't help but wonder if i'll ever find a job when i graduate.. i know i act like a kid most of the time.. but.. somehow.. i feel what my mom said is true.. i'll never find a job.. i'm too.. childish? neh. maybe she's right.. i can never do anything right.. ^^; i want to open an internet cafe thingy shop :) with a bookstand filled with manga.. serving coffee, choco, milk and other snacks.. showing anime on tv.. hehehe.. dream on =_=; sometimes.. i want to feel important, because i feel unimportant.. but at the end, i realize i never really made a big impact.. i was never important to them, even if they are to me.. but maybe they were not.. i never did show them.. i think.. and there are times, i feel used.. but maybe it's because i use others too.. maybe i'm just a user-friendly person.. maybe i'm just all that.. i'm confused.. i should try to stop thinking about these.. ^^; i know some are nice because you are beneficial.. but i try not to think like that.. maybe i think like that.. maybe i'm just nice because.. ehehehehe.. i'm confused as reki is.. about her true motive.. ^^; eheheeh.. oh well

Saturday, March 15, 2003 10:48 p.m.

i just made it to the top ten of our pre board exam.. was hoping i wouldn't make it ^^; i feel my head is getting bigger already =_=; anou.. part of me really wanted to flunk in that test.. i thought.. if i do flunk.. maybe.. i'll be motivated to study harder.. ^^; but i guess i have to settle with this..

neh.. i guess i was never a good student.. or friend.. or lover.. or daughter ^^ neh.. i'm too insensitive to other people's needs.. i guess i always appear not to care much.. and i'm too demanding when i don't even do anything ^^; graaaah.. i guess i'm no good to other people.. oh well.. ^^; sometimes i do feel alone.. weheheh.. that i'm really alone.. maybe because i don't bother to open up.. weheheh.. my fault.. i always think that others won't understand ^^; neh.. sometimes.. i just want somebody to listen.. but.. i'd rather not tell anyway.. oh well ^^ naruto 23 is almost finished :D yey

Sunday, March 9, 2003 08:34 p.m.

for the first time.. i'm going to visit my aunt in new york this june.. neh.. US seems cool but.. somehow.. can't help being scared with the ongoing conflicts ^^; somehow.. for the first time.. i feel that i don't want to die.. not yet.. i still want to.. buy my own dress.. give my mom stuff.. have my own home.. my own family.. anou.. i don't want to die in a foreign land.. much less a place i'm not that fond of.. much much less.. die away.. far away from a person i'm really fond of.. neh.. i would want to spend more time.. every second.. zutto isshoni itai..

Wednesday, March 5, 2003 01:57 p.m.

i think i've come to a point of utter dissatisfaction with myself.. but who cares.. i've come to a point when i've become to envious.. and it's getting me depressed.. and somehow.. i can't help feel inferior.. i've come to a point that i feel.. i dislike everybody around me.. neh.. i don't want to but sometimes the thought.. i feel nobody understands but then.. i don't let them ne? i feel everybody's staring.. judging you.. telling you what to do.. with their eyes.. words.. and i just want to ignore them.. but sometimes i can't.. because those people are also close to you.. i feel i'm ignoring the world too much.. and i'm trying to live in my own fantasy.. but someday i'm going to face them again.. and my fantasy will burst like a bubble.. and i wouldn't know what to do then..

Sunday, February 23, 2003 01:16 p.m.

want to post something.. but dunno how ^^; can't put it to words.. i guess i should just go with the flow.. i'll be happier that way.. and i'll have less headaches that way ^^ resistance is futile anyway.. oh well.. maybe when the proper time comes, there will be a compromise.. hope that time comes soon XD

Saturday, February 22, 2003 02:40 p.m.

otaay.. after this.. this would be the start of an.. end.. an end.. in something i always wanted to do.. i guess i'm going to trade my wants for something i believe.. and maybe friends for some people who are not.. oh well ^^; at least i know i'll still have those friends who'll respect my opinion no matter what.. anou.. it'll be hard to stand up for people against people who are more dear to you.. and somehow i feel that i'm going to lose either way.. but..

Friday, February 21, 2003 02:00 p.m.

:( neh.. i don't really like what's happening in the board.. i'm glad m seems to be taking the deadmining thing nicely.. anou.. i still feel sorry for those 2.. may not look like it but they have done a lot of things for the board.. geh.. can't believe i hated syun's gut once XD neh.. but he did change.. and i think nobody loves the board more than he does.. >_< i never realized the guts m had when he went on defending wallab and blkwolfe.. too bad i can't do the same for them.. sigh.. at least they still have modly powers.. but.. shouldn't be writing this. oh well..

Monday, February 17, 2003 06:35 p.m.

yey! i just finished our screening in joaquin cunanan today :D anou.. it was hard.. a hard vocubolary test of some sort >__<

i just read what nanami sent in the email ^^ and i do agree.. somehow.. i really feel bad whenever filipinos lose hope in their own country.. i mean.. philippines is for filipinos.. and if filipinos themselves hate their land.. who else would love it? :( neh.. i love this place despite the shortcomings.. ^^ too bad i don't know much about my heritage ^_^ me not too sure if they ended up here by choice or by chance.. but i'm glad i ended up here and i'm quite thankful for that ^^ but then.. we're chinese.. and somehow.. we're still taught to separate ourselves from filipino friends.. it may not be that blatant.. but it is still implied.. sometimes..

as i have guessed.. nobody bothered to read or reply 'bout my suggestion.. oh well.. that's life when you're not so popular or well liked :D i'm having a bad headache.. better restart the pc.. mumble jumble..

Sunday, February 16, 2003 06:06 p.m.

XD new layout.. i think the pic is too big O_o.. anyway.. me to lazy to resize it again..

i was thinking of cutting down my visits in the board.. i just get.. pissed or depressed when i visit it these days.. anyhow.. i started making a new banner for the board.. black one.. but.. the board was always colored black.. so i thought that maybe i should try some other colors.. oooh well

sigh.. two more weeks til the pre board and i haven't studied a single thing yet >_< anou.. been thinking these days.. i'm really bored with studying and i want to do something else.. :( i'm getting easily depressed and bored these days..oh well.. i hope i don't make that much of a big fool out of myself