Who?: Yo~ What? You really want to know stuff about me? Okay...

Age: 19

Favorite books: Mine. ^^;;; But as for other authors, Mercedes' Lackey's Herald Mage Trilogy and the Coldfire Trilogy.

Current favorite anime character: Mokoto~~~ Wai! ^_^ The Ghost in the Shell TV series rules!

What? My name? Oh yeah! ^^;;; The ever great and wonderful (haha) Ricky. ^_^

The buckaw was eaten by the buckat. The end.

Bums with pitas/blogs:

Kitty
Tomo
Sharky
Lilisin
Wedge
Alli
Steffie
The DBC
Abe

Life as a Man
Hanashika.com

Le Layout: The piccyture is of Koukeisha, an original character that if I put too much about her, some future publishing company will be annoyed so I shall just stop there. ~_~

And just remember, expose yourself to art.

Wednesday, October 1, 2003 08:46 a.m.
Hurray for labs that never last very long. ^_^

Had a very disturbing and creepy idea for a story this morning while I was driving to school that was creepy enough to make me unwilling to write it. That and the fact that I don't think I could pull it off well enough. ^^;;;

Monday, September 29, 2003 09:39 p.m.
Well, it was a good day for awhile at any rate...

Apparently the guy who plays my favorite character in Singing in the Rain died today. (the best friend) We watched the movie and it was as good as usual.

But that's not the really bad part. My aunt's dog died. They don't even know why. One day he was fine, the next he had a stomach ache, the next he was dead. I'll miss him.

Monday, September 29, 2003 05:37 p.m.
Gods, I'd almost forgotten what a rush it is to write something good. I'm not all that great with fight scenes and it could probably use some improvement, but for the moment, I believe this is a good scene. Let's see if I think so once I'm off this rush. ^_^

I have three very flat cats in my room and am listening to odd Japanese music. ^^ Methinks I should take this rush and work on the rewrite of my book a little. ~_~ This is gonna take me so looong~~~~

Monday, September 29, 2003 03:28 p.m.
First off, I must say that I agree with the bunny. On of the reasons all christian churches make me edgy is their insistance that THEY ARE RIGHT. I'm sorry, but isn't there some chance that they're not? I don't particularly believe in god, but because of the culture I was brought up in (ie, America) I find myself saying things like 'oh god' and such. It's not my fault that most cursing is divided between god's name and the word fuck.

Yes, I may be going to hell if all the christians are right. You know what? If there's some diety up there who watches every aspect of our lives to make sure we're 'good' and 'god fearing' (hate hate hate that term! >_<) then I certainly don't want to be in heaven with him/her.

So that's my spiel. And now for a quiz.

Your Ultimate Purity Score Is...
Category	Your Score	Average
Self-Lovin'	70% Explored the pleasures of the flesh	65%
Shamelessness	85.7% Has yet to see self in mirror	79.3%
Sex Drive	97.4% The Pope is envious	77.7%
Straightness	14.3% Knows the other body type like a map	45.1%
Gayness	66.1% Had that experience at camp	83.1%
Fucking Sick	91.2% Refreshingly normal	89.8%
You are 70.08% pure Average Score: 72.6%
Take The Ultimate Purity Test and see how you match up!

Sunday, September 28, 2003 09:41 p.m.
Fingers are sore from sewing on three new patches, am exhausted even though I took two naps today... but yanno, life is good. ^_^

Monday, September 22, 2003 09:43 p.m.
I am generally content with the world in general. Got my ass pulled out of the fire during a test by pure luck (and educated guesses that turned out to be right. Go me!) Won't slack off like that again. @_@ Pull the test questions out of your ass, hey!

Also have a boy who thinks that the conversations me, Momma, and Katie have around the dinner table are just as funny as we do. Sprite came out of his nose twice, poor love. I guess he's just not used to the amount of unbelievably weird jokes (okay okay, we were talking about farts! It was funny as hell for no particular reason! I love conversations like that) and strange stories that we tell.

But, yes, life is good. I have no classes tomorrow so I have lots of time to catch up on school work and such before I go to spend time with my boy.

And I must say just how much I love my mom. She has got to be one of the coolest people on the face of the earth, and that's not just because she'll let Abe spend entire weekends at my house. I can talk to her about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING and have a (mostly) unbiased opinion on it. She also doesn't nag, doesn't either encourage me to stay in the house or get out, and just generally lets me do things at my own pace, which is such a good thing cause I tend to get so stubborn when I think I'm starting something sooner than I'm ready for. (I still maintain this is why I don't entirely feel comfortable at UT. I didn't want to go this year and wasn't ready to be just a number just yet, but oh well. I'm in now, nothing I can do about it.)

Lalala... life is happy...

Edit And as usually happens, as soon as I hit that post button, I think of something else to say. Most of the time I'm just too lazy to put it up though. ^^;;;

Was just thinking how odd things turn out sometimes. If someone had told me a year ago that I would fall in love with a boy, I would have called them a fucking crazy. Had they told me that my sister would actually get along with said boy, I would have had them checked into a mental institution. (I swear, if I were one for omens, this relationship would be destined to succeed. ^^;;;)

Had you told me that I wouldn't totally freak out at the idea that most of the closest friends are out of reach, so to speak, I wouldn't have believed that either. I suppose I've grown up in some ways in this past year. Hell, I think I've changed a lot in just this past 6 months. I feel more mature, at any rate.

But anyway, that's all I really had to say...

Friday, September 12, 2003 07:27 p.m.
Well... I feel generally content with the world. Am slightly lonely, but that's okay. Will see friends this weekend and next week, will see my puppy, and it has rained. Gods, that storm last night was beautiful. I wish I hadn't had to drive through it, but that's mostly cause I just wanted to sit and watch it.

And it rained on the way home from school today. I wanted to walk in the rain, but it didn't start till I was already driving off. Grr! Grr, I say!

Gah. I really need to remember to start putting that story up on the forum. I can't now cause Daddy has Win 95 on his computer and Bob is not compatible. *sadness* Could get it off my laptop with a disk I suppose, but that takes more effort than I feel like at the moment.

Today was a sleepy day. I yawned my was through Climate (as per usual), woke up a little in Astronomy just cause I love that teacher, and then came home and took a nice long nap. Was very nice, though I didn't mean to sleep that long. I hope I go to sleep tonight. @_@ I probably will, as I still feel a little groggy. Tis a good night to stay in, watch a movie, and generally Not Do Much.

Wednesday, September 10, 2003 04:21 p.m.
Well... I guess I should just never touch this thing when I'm in that bad of a mood, ne? I had my first good mood of the week today and enjoyed it muchly. It hasn't completely faded away yet either. ^^;;;

(said good mood would still be here in force if I had been able to do what I wanted instead of being a good girl and going to my dad's house like I was supposed to. @_@.... am so sick of doing things for other people at the moment. When do I get to be selfish?)

But yeah, am not gonna bitch too much today. Good moods are happy things, as is talking with people in Astronomy and laughing at their fear of a harmless beetle crawling around.

Tuesday, September 9, 2003 10:15 p.m.
I won't say I'm sorry for the content of the last post, but regret the harshness of it. I just hurt and lately I've been on such a hair trigger that small things set me off. I feel, if not better, a little more stablized now. Maroon 5 will do that, though it makes me more lonely because of the memories attached to it. I'd really rather be lonely and stablized than mad at everyone and everything though.

So... since tomorrow is my get-up-at-the-butt-crack-of-dawn morning, think I shall go to bed.

Tuesday, September 9, 2003 09:33 p.m.
I hate it when people doubt me and because of a recent fuck up, two people, when I told them when I could come over, had the response of 'will you?'

I fuck up ONCE, just fucking ONCE, and suddenly I'm someone whose word is doubted. I'M FUCKING SORRY ALREADY!!!! I'M NOT GONNA FUCKING SAY IT AGAIN!

Okay, now that that is off my chest...

I really had a hell of a day, mostly due to a doctor's appointment this morning. Boys, you better be damn glad you're boys. You have it fucking lucky. The rest of the day would have been fine if I had been in a better mood. (some of it was rather good actually, but as later happenings eclipse that, it doesn't really matter, now does it?)

Gods... I just want this to end. I want my free time back. Right now my time is split between classes, Daddy's house, Kitty, and my puppy. (and when I say split, that means the people I will attempt to make time for. Unless you're on the way, I'm not gonna be seeing anyone else.) And I don't have enough time for any of these people. >_<

Okay... I'm just gonna end this now.

Monday, September 8, 2003 10:27 p.m.
My mom has to be one of the best people in the entire world. I was feeling like the biggest piece of shit in the entire world and now I'm down around to the fifth biggest. We went up the hill to see Mars and talked for awhile, which I haven't really done with her these past few weeks. Life has been hectic and stressful and my random downward mood swings are only making things worse. I feel like I'm trying to be everywhere at once and I'm failing miserably because I can't even be where I'm supposed to because I'm such a fucking idiot.

So, I have one person very annoyed at me, one upset that I changed plans on him, and my own self telling me what a horrible friend I am. Gods, I just want time to stop for a moment so I can just sit and read a non-textbook and relax. Either that or some more time and energy to write. I didn't get too much done today. Wish I'd gotten more; then at least I could say that I spent the time where I was supposed to be somewhere else well. Ah well. At least I got some textbook reading done. ~_~ So that's outta the way till Wednesday.

And now I'm just rambling. I feel so goddamn guilty, but to dwell on it anymore will have me return to the crying mess I was before Momma made me feel better. I suppose I'd better just go to bed and hope, once again, that maybe tomorrow will be better. (the liklyhood of this is slim, considering that I never want it to be Tuesday again, but one can always hope.)

Monday, September 8, 2003 05:39 p.m.
Having a kitten on the majority of one's mousepad makes it rather difficult to move the mouse, but she's much to cute to move. ^^;;;;

Am currently feeling better than I did last night, though didn't have that great of a morning. I'd really like to stop having these mood swings.

Am attempting to write something for the forum but I can't seem to think of a continuing plot for anything. *sigh* And I don't particularly want to drag out an old story because then I'd have to rewrite it (cause I know my old ones suck) and I have enough rewriting to do with my book. Bleh. But, I shall attempt to put something up. I am the moderator after all, I should set an example. Why oh why can't I write... @_@

And now shall go back to pretending like Tuesdays don't exist anymore...

Sunday, September 7, 2003 08:42 p.m.
Well, I guess I should be doing my homework, but I can't really bring myself to care. It's not really due tomorrow anyway. What the fuck is wrong with me recently. I haven't had a day in the past week where I didn't go into this mood where I don't care about school and I don't know what's wrong. I hate not knowing what's wrong. I can't fix it this way.

Linkin Park helps though. Puppy, I got your Meteora cd and you have my Maroon 5 one. Wanna trade?

Tuesday, September 2, 2003 09:56 p.m.
I'm not sure if I'm angier than I've been in awhile or just tired. It's an odd feeling. I keep going in between the two.

First of all, my Japanese teacher has got to be one of the worst teachers I've ever seen. One cannot teacher a language just by standing at the front of the class and talking. There has to be something written down, even if it's only on the board. Help the visual learners here.

Second of all, she expects us to know things that the other teachers didn't teach us. No, we don't know the nai form, nor the nakata. And please listen to us when we tell you that, for Christ's sake!

Arg! Some people just should be teachers. She's completely disorganized and seems to do everything on a whim and leaves me completely behind when she speaks Japanese way too fast.

So, that's my rant.

Tuesday, September 2, 2003 09:56 p.m.
I'm not sure if I'm angier than I've been in awhile or just tired. It's an odd feeling. I keep going in between the two.

First of all, my Japanese teacher has got to be one of the worst teachers I've ever seen. One cannot teacher a language just by standing at the front of the class and talking. There has to be something written down, even if it's only on the board. Help the visual learners here.

Second of all, she expects us to know things that the other teachers didn't teach us. No, we don't know the nai form, nor the nakata. And please listen to us when we tell you that, for Christ's sake!

Arg! Some people just should be teachers. She's completely disorganized and seems to do everything on a whim and leaves me completely behind when she speaks Japanese way too fast.

So, that's my rant.

Tuesday, September 2, 2003 11:53 a.m.
Well, have vaccumed my room so I feel more like I have a bedroom than a pigstye. Scared the crap outta Patches with the vaccum though. ^^;;;

Had rather interesting weekend. Puppy and I got a good part of his Alucard coat done, and then our old Singer started having problems again (we just got it back from the shop @_@) so we had to stop and Momma took it back to the shop this morning. Katie, Momma, and I also dragged the poor puppy shopping (twice, really, since he went with me too the next day) and I saw Nordstroms. Am not impressed. However, did get two new patches for my jacket at Hot Topic. (yay Cheshire Cat and Space Ghost!)

And today is rather quiet. I only have a evening class (though how that happened, I have no idea @_@) so I have some time to myself (though I really should write. >_<)

Wednesday, August 27, 2003 03:54 p.m.
I survived my first day of UT! Go me! So here's my day in a rather large nutshell.

Was woken up several times by small cute kitty, who wasn't quite so cute when she was playing with my hair while I was trying to sleep. (said kitty is small enough to walk around on my keyboard tray without being in the way and seems to like it there... now if only she'd stay that size if she's gonna make this a habit.) Rolled out of bed at 6:15. @_@ Got to school little early, found parking and class, but discovered that there aren't any labs this week, so I sat around for awhile and waited for my second class to start. ~_~

(kitty is chewing on hand while I move the mouse. Good thing her teeth are too small to hurt.)

Tried to buy books and discovered I didn't have enough money on my card. ~_~ Went to Astronomy, then to Cultural Anthropology (yay!), then put money on card so I could buy said books. ~_~ Was offered beer cups by the 101X guys. ~_~ Don't think so. Got free (yes! Free!) bubble tea and walked all the way across campus to my car. Drove home to Good music (was one of those good radio times) and stopped for Randalls sushi. Took cold (though not cold enough) shower and put my butt in the computer chair.

And that, folks, is the biggest nutshell in the world.

Sunday, August 17, 2003 07:52 p.m.
We have two new kitties!!!!! ^__________^ They're so cute. One is itty bitty and one is about three and a half months old. The older one is rather shy, though very calm, and he's been hiding under and behind things since we brought him home. The younger one has been exploring and sleeping in my lap. Awww~~~

The older one (kind of an orangish) came with the name Griffon, but I think Katie changed it to Sam. I'm debating what the younger one's name should be. She came with Dot, but that's rather boring, and just doesn't seem to fit her. I'll have to know her before I name her. ^^

Well, that's my big news. Now for quiz results.

You like Archaeologist Daniel!

How do you like your Daniel Jackson?
brought to you by Quizilla

"You are pointless Daniel episode 'Torment of
Tantalus'. You are in tune with a naked man -
unfortunately it's not Jack. Prizing knowledge
above your own life is stupid, but some people
think it's cute. What idiots!"

What pointless Daniel episode are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Friday, August 15, 2003 07:20 p.m.
Gah. I'm so tired, ~_~ But! Must stay awake one more hour~~

Zzzzzz...

Friday, August 15, 2003 11:55 a.m.
Well, I stayed up all night for the first time in... well, I don't remember the last time I was able to stay up all night. ^^;;; Was muchly fun though. Stargate SG-1 I addicting! I swear! Arg.

On other fronts... not much. People are starting to leave though. ;_; I love you guys! Don't do anything I wouldn't do... okay, don't do anything I would do either. ^^;;;;

Tuesday, August 12, 2003 02:25 p.m.
Well, I now have my second publisher rejection letter. I won't say that I'm not a little depressed by it. Yes, I know that to get it the first time was a little bit of a stretch, but I couldn't help hoping.

I guess the thing that bothers me the most is that he didn't like the way I wrote and said he'd take it under consideration again if I changed a bunch of stuff. I write the way I know how to write. I put lots of back story in there because I like back story. I like to know where the characters are coming from, what their history is, and I like my reader to know the same.

I don't know if it's truely a flaw in my work or if that's just one guy's opinion. In all honestly, he's probably right, which means I should go through my entire book again and edit crap. Fuck.

Sunday, August 10, 2003 09:12 p.m.
Was a good day, but am too tired to relate it all.

But am annoyed enough to bitch a little. There are several people that have been stepping on a big pet peeve of mine. Is it really so hard to tell someone you're leaving when your talking to them on AIM? Just because you haven't said something in the past five minutes doesn't mean that I forget you're there. Arg! It doesn't take two seconds to type "I'm gonna go" or something similar. ~_~

Okay, end of bitch and of energy.

Friday, August 8, 2003 12:15 p.m.
I'm feeling rather solitary today, which is why I don't think I'll be setting foot outside the house except to get the mail. Sorry, Wedge, I just can't take being around people right now. Hope the movie showing goes well.

Don't have much to say, really. Was gonna go to a science fiction and fantasy convention today, until I realized just how little money I have to spend right now. I've been dipping way too much into my savings and now think I shall start being rather cheap. Hurray for eating at home.

So... that's it I guess. I'm too tired to think of anything else to say, at any rate.

Friday, August 8, 2003 10:07 a.m.

Threat rating: Medium. Your total lack of decent
family values makes you dangerous, but we can
count on some right wing nutter blowing you up
if you become too high profile.

What threat to the Bush administration are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Mwahahaha!

Wednesday, August 6, 2003 02:14 p.m.
Edit
I just took down my site, so will those few people that still have a link to it delete the link?
/Edit

Gah. My brain just feels dead. ~_~ I open something to write one, then just sit there and stare at it. Maybe it's because I've been so far off my normal sleep schedule lately. ~_~ Oh well. Once school starts, at least, I'll be sleeping regularly again. Until then, bring on the fun! ^_^

I came across a quote in the book I'm reading that rang as really true to me. "It always makes me cranky to be asked what a story is 'about,' or who my characters 'are.' If I could tell you, I wouldn't have to write them."

This is really true for me. If I could explain to someone what my book is about in a short period of time, then it wouldn't have been worth writing. I can't get across what I want to say verbally, nor do I wish to. I get sick of stumbling over my own words and saying exactly (again ~_~) the wrong thing. With writing you can do so much more, and say it more easily, at least for me. To others it's the other way around. To each his own.

So, what is my book about? Go read it when it's published. I can't tell you because I can't get across in a hundred words or less what the plot(s) and characters do and mean.

And on another note, Momma tells me I have a 'whiskey and cigarettes' voice. Tis rather annoying. I miss having a normal voice. @_@ Kitty didn't recognize me on the phone yesterday, nor did Abe this morning. ~_~

Saturday, August 2, 2003 10:22 a.m.
So, still a little high on the fact that I submitted my book somewhere, but now I'm a little more coherent at least. ^_^

Thanks for your congrats, Kitty and to everyone else too.

I missed a play in Zilker yesterday because I had to babysit, but I met my sister, dad, and his girlfriend at Kerby Lane at 11. That is my new favorite resturant. ^^ I wanna go there again!

Lalala... I thought I had more to say than this. Oh well. ^_^

Friday, August 1, 2003 02:16 p.m.
The world has now ended. I just submitted my book somewhere. Wai~~~~~ Words do not even being to describe how I feel right now. ^____________^

I submitted it to a small press in Austin that Julie knows called Rabid Press. I figured I gotta start somewhere, and small is always a good place to start. Yes, I have big dreams, and yes, I want to be published by DAW someday, but that'll be later. Now just to be in print would be amazing. ^_^

I AM LESS OF A BUM! GO ME!

Thursday, July 31, 2003 11:37 a.m.
There is a cat in my keyboard tray and a keyboard in my lap. I suspect there's something wrong with this picture, but can't really put my finger on it.

'Sides, he's so cute! *pets kitty* Spoiling kitties is fun. The only problem is when he starts to demand it of Katie and she doesn't understand what he wants, so he just lays on her mouse. I love cats. ^_^

Am attempting to wake up some. It's almost twelve, I've been up for over three hours, and I got lots of sleep, yet I'm still yawning. What the heck is wrong with me?!

Hm. Maybe I just need to get out and do something. ~_~

Tuesday, July 29, 2003 08:38 p.m.
Gah. I'm so tired it's not even funny. ~_~ Had to turn down a late night swim with Tomo and co. that sounded really fun but I'm just too exhausted to do more than sit her and type, much less run around, swim, and be polite enough around other people to be in their company.

Goddammit I need to write. Hell, I need the energy to write. My life has gotten rather high-paced lately and I don't quite have the energy to keep up with it. @_@ Maybe tomorrow... no, definately tomorrow, even if all I do is stare at a blank screen for an hour, I'm gonna write, dammit! I'm also gonna call those people that I've needed to call for quite awhile now... ~_~ I'm so forgetful it's not even funny.

Saturday, July 26, 2003 10:28 p.m.
I feel... well, I'm not quite sure how to describe it. I just finished watching The Dead Poet's Society, after telling my boy that I didn't want to watch a depressing movie and that I wanted to go to sleep early. So I feel a little guilty. Just happened, my love. So sorry.

But that movie always does something to me. It's unbelievably powerful and it now feels like there's something inside me, waiting be be written down. Something great and grand that is beyond my talent to be written. Something powerful, something moving. I can't begin to fathom what it is or what form it could take. It just sits in there, aching to be let out. Gods, I haven't wanted to write this badly in months. I've been in such a rut recently that I sometimes wondered if all of my creativity left with my depression and discontent with the world in general.

I feel like... I feel like that if Abe were here, I could finally find the words to express everything I feel about him. I feel like, for once, I could get my difficult tongue to say exactly what I want it to. I've never been good at speaking. I can hardly get a coherent sentence out sometimes. I think that's why I love writing so much. I can sit and think and not have to come up with replys and comebacks immediately. I have time to say what I want, exactly how I want it, and if I think of a better way later, I can go back and change it.

Writing is also an expression of my emotions that I rarely allow myself lately. For those of you who have read this for awhile, you know how I used to pour out my heart and soul and every little problem I ever had into this thing. I made myself stop doing that because I was sick of writing that shit. I bottled up my own whining, my heartbreaks, my tears, everything, and put them away. I think one of the reasons I love my boy so much is because he is so open. He's one of the few people I know that doesn't hide things. His openess almost embarrasses me sometimes, but I certainly wouldn't want him to stop. Gods, love, I want to be more like you.

So, there's my spiel.

Wednesday, July 23, 2003 10:20 a.m.
Okay, I might as well enter into this. Cy-kun, I find most of what you say to be about half right. I can't quite get my ideas about selfishness out in words at the moment, so I'll leave that for another time, but the sex/relationship thing is easy.

Since I've mostly had the sancity of marriage ruined for me by my parent's divorce, and then my stepdad's abuses, marriage doesn't seem like anything special to me. Yes, two people will, theoretically, stay together for the rest of their lives, but they could do that anyway. The only difference would be the way society looks at them.

And before everyone else drags out their own examples, yes, I know that some people actually stay together once they get married. Some actually have the determination to get over their problems instead of breaking up over them. I intend to be one of those people.

But, as I am not fond of most religions, I don't feel like I should bind myself to their limitations. I don't really believe in sin, nor do I like the concept. Yes, people do wrong things, but, as "Mists of Avilon" puts it, God probably isn't someone who waits around and keeps tabs on everyone's habits. (not exact words. Can't remember them. >_< The author put it much better than I did.) If I go to hell after I die, that's my own affair, and I highly doubt a ceremony and a ring will change that.

So, in a nutshell, sex before marriage doesn't seem like such a bad thing to me. Two people can love each other without marriage, therefore it can be a 'pure' thing or a 'holy' thing or whatever you want to call it.

And there's my two cents.

Tuesday, July 22, 2003 06:40 p.m.
Wheeee~~~~ Impyre is alive! Mwahahaha! ANd my writing actually flowed today! It's the first time in weeks I haven't felt like I'm dragging myself through it and I think the writing is better for it. ^_^

Have spent most of the day with my boy, talking and watching him fix the fileserver.

Hm... nothing much to say, really. Haven't had much to say in awhlie, actually, as you may have noticed. ^^;;;

Friday, July 18, 2003 06:19 p.m.
Well, as I don't have my story disk, I'll have to do my writing in this today. I'm trying to write a little every day and am so far failing miserably. ~_~

So... what to write about. I'm rather tired from getting only four hours of sleep last night on the couch. I went to Mojo's with my boy, and the bunny and co. Stayed up until 4 and remembered why I don't usually do that. ~_~ I like staying up with people, but I hate how I feel after about 3. I went to Kitty's house today and just hung out and watched Treasure Planet. It was rather good, and I now have some more inspiration for my pirate story, which I'm really enjoying writing, even if I do feel a bit guilty about neglecting my other stories.

And what else can I say without going into the sappy that some people in the group seem to be allergic to? Nothing much, really. Just here, tired, slightly cranky, and waiting for a way out to present itself. It's kinda sad that I don't see Daddy much anymore, and even sadder that I don't seem to notice, which makes me sound like a complete cold-hearted bitch, but hey, that's what I am, so it's okay. I'm just in the mood where I want to be anywhere but here... and I don't know why. It's not like I don't get along with my dad, I just want to be away from parents and my sibling right now. I want to be in the middle of a small group of friends, in the arms of my boy. Or just the latter. I feel like a bitch for not wanting to be at my dad's house. What the fuck is wrong with me anyway?

Wednesday, July 16, 2003 09:33 p.m.
Hey all. I'm back. ^_^

Wednesday, July 2, 2003 12:24 p.m.

pure

What's YOUR sexual fetish?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hm... interesting... ^^;;; And now I should probably return to cleaning my room.

Tuesday, July 1, 2003 05:25 p.m.
Ahh... Twas a good day. ^_^ Spent most of it in the warehouse of Momma's store (which is closing, for those of you who I haven't already told) cleaning it out and building stuff out of leftover parts. The puppy was there too and we built him two desks that he's gonna stash at my house until he moves out. They're unbelievably cool, if I do say so myself. ^^ I like building stuff, it's muchly happy fun. We would have built more except we didn't have anywhere else to put it (there's really only so many desks that one can have, after all) and we were running out of energy. @_@ He didn't sleep last night. ~_~

Oh, and thank yous to you three for yesterday. ^_^ You guys are angels for putting up with me.

Monday, June 30, 2003 09:04 p.m.
So... I got into UT. Why aren't I happier about this?

Monday, June 30, 2003 12:53 p.m.
So, am still a little sore from the lake, but my sunburn is almost gone, so it's all good. ^_^ Had a rather nice day yesterday that ended with eating pizza and watching Bandits. Twas much happy fun.

So... don't really know why I'm making an entry... just kinda bored I guess. ^_^

Wednesday, June 25, 2003 08:33 p.m.
You know, I really miss having only one house. I realized when I got to Daddy's house today that I hadn't seen him for about two weeks. I felt really guiltly because it was partly my fault. I had forgotten that I was supposed to go to his house this last weekend, though it wouldn't have mattered much if I did considering how little time I spent at home. I don't like having to attempt to split my time between two houses. It's not really possible to do it evenly and as my life gets busier and I spend more time with my boy and my friends, I find that I make it to Daddy's house less and less. I think it'll be an unbelieveably enormous relief when if move out (hell, if I ever move out) and have just one home. I haven't had one home in... wow, eleven years. I can't really remember what it's like and I really only have one clear memory of my parents together and happy. That isn't to say that they weren't happy a lot, I just don't remember it.

Well, I think I've wandered on enough, don't you? Back to Harry Potter...

Sunday, June 22, 2003 10:48 p.m.
One thing I can't understand with all this anti-gay crap is why can't people leave each other alone? Why should it matter what other people do in the privacy of their own home?

I don't really care what other people think, and am therefore not going to bother arguing whether or not gays should be accepted at equals. My opinion is that they're people first and gay second, not the other way around. To see it the other way around is only asking for trouble. It's putting them (and, I suppose, me too) into a separate catagory from the rest of society, putting a label on them, and parading it around for all to see. Do people just have to have an enemy so they have someone to hate? What's the deal?

When I thought I was a lesbian, I never wanted to be equal, I wanted to be left alone. I wanted people to stop telling me that I was sick, to stop giving me that look when I told them or let it slip that I liked girls, to just keep their noses in their own business for once. It was my life and my choice. I don't care what a book says about it. I can go to that same book and find an excuse to go sacrifice some children if I wanted. Yes, that part is outdated, well, so is the anti-gay part. Daddy, who grew up in an intenstly religious family, keeps telling me that I should read the Bible because it has some good stuff and good stories in it, but all I can see around me is the negative effects of it. What good is a book 'from God' if it has so much damn hate in it?

Sunday, June 22, 2003 09:01 p.m.
THE 5TH MANGA OF HELLSING IS OUT! *bouncebounce* I want!

*is slightly incoherent*

Friday, June 20, 2003 11:45 a.m.
Gah! This new story is going so slowly. _o_ Course part of that is I suck at writing ships and really need to brush up on what all those damn part are called, but that's okay. ^^ The other part is I'm lazy and my mind keeps wandering. Maybe I should write more on my laptop. Much less distraction that way. ^^;;;

And in other news... well, there isn't really any other news. I'm gonna go to that book thingy today with Abe and some other people, then the Harry Potter party tonight (hey, the books are good, even if I still don't understand that mania over them.) And I want to find book number two. @_@ I think my sister's room ate it. I found 1 and 4 yesterday, but the other two are MIA. Sucks. >_<

Ah well. Shall go attempt to write now. >_<

Thursday, June 19, 2003 09:19 p.m.
If this cell phone rings one more time it's going off. Grr! Abe left his cell phone (yes, he forgot his baby, I was rather shocked too) at my house yesterday, and Abe, if that's you that's left nine voice messages in a row, I'm going to hurt you. At least I figured out how to turn that damn ringer down. @_@

So, today was an interesting day. Saw people, rode around in a car a lot, but that's okay cause I was with people and all was happy good, except for the jerk at the gas station. >_< I got too tired to be around people towards the end of it and came home, so am now debating between rereading Harry Potter and writing. Hm...

Think I shall try writing first cause I haven't done much lately. ^^;;;; Naughty me.

Sunday, June 15, 2003 08:54 a.m.
Why do I have to have such a fucking bitch for a sister? First, she makes plans to have lunch with Daddy today (Father's Day) and assumes that I will tailor my schedule to fit hers. So sorry, I already have plans, and because I won't change them at the very last minute, which is what I would have to do because of the time these people wake up, I'm a terrible daughter and should be fucking ashamed of myself.

Second, I'm some how 'irresonsible' because I came home last night and am not going to said lunch. I was fucking seeing friends. What's more, I was seeing Kitty and if Momma forgot that and wondered where I was, well that's not my problem. I've been going on for days about how Kitty was coming home yesterday and I told her what I was going to do yesterday morning.

Last, she orders me to do the laundry. I don't mind doing laundry, and I do it a good half of the time, but it really bothers me that she hasn't done laundry in probably months and she has this tone of voice that just rubs me the exact wrong way.

So to sum it up, now that we're back from Wisconsin, Katie and I hate each other again. ~_~

Saturday, June 14, 2003 10:21 a.m.
Note to self: when puppy says he's awake before 10:00, do not believe, even if he is on the phone with you before that time.

Kitty~~~ *bouncebounce* You're probably already gone from Seattle and so won't see this, but have a safe trip! We miss you!

Let's here it for non-coherent entires. ^^;;;;

Tuesday, June 10, 2003 10:15 a.m.
Well, I'm back from farm country.

Kaig: Well thank the Maker, cause I was getting lonely with only your Dad's laptop to talk to. It's so slow! You could have let me talk to yours!

Like hell I would. You'd ruin it.

Kaig: Would not!

Kirah: You take up too much space, and since Ricky doesn't like you, I guess I'll have to get rid of you. *chops Kaig's head off with sword*

Kaig: Ha. Like that will work. *head floats for a moment before reattaching* I'm only a semi-solid projection, the physics of which are obviously beyond your comprehension. You can't hurt me.

Kirah: You're technology, then?

Kaig: Yeah...

Kirah: Hehehe *zaps Kaig with magic*

*Kaig's images fizzles out* Kaig: Hey! What the hell! Why did you do that you- *Kirah zaps speaker, light blinks angrily, Kirah zaps that*

Kirah: Much better. That should hold her for awhile.

Ano... remind me never to make you mad...

Sunday, May 25, 2003 10:41 a.m.
Well, it's been said many times, but I must say it. Congradulations to everyone who graduated. College will be fun.

I would give tips and such, but the good ones have already been taken, and, truthfully, I don't have many to give. My college experiance has been a little different. I don't mind going to ACC, but it's rather depressing to see everyone else get accepted into four year colleges. But I'm proud to be in a group of such smart and talented people and I love you guys. ^_^

Thursday, May 22, 2003 05:16 p.m.
I've come to the conclusion that I hate the term 'your mother' when coming from my dad. I don't even know why I'm thinking about this now, after all these years, but here goes.

When my parents divorced, I figured that they had the right to their own choices and I shouldn't interfear with that. Of course, being nine at the time, I didn't think in exactly those terms, but it was pretty close to that. Yes, I was upset, but I never tried to blame their breaking up on myself, or tried to get them back together, like my sister did. She took it a lot harder than me and I don't know if it was because she was younger than me or her personality didn't allow her to handle it well. I suppose I just sat and watched it happen without trying to interfear, or was too scared to interfear, just like I do with difficult things now. Oh well.

Like I said, I don't know why I suddenly thought of this, though it is interesting to think how much effect it had on me and my life. Moving was a horrible experiance and my last night in my old house is something that I don't like thinking about, but if I hadn't moved, I wouldn't have a lot of what I have now. On the flipside, I might have had good stuff if I had stayed. Either way, if I could go back and choose, I think I would choose what I have now, despite all the crap I had to go through to get to it. Without a lot of that crap, I'd be a completely different person, and I don't think I'd be different in a good way.

So... I seem to be going in no one direction with this. I'm not sure if I was heading somewhere when I started. It's been kind of an odd day. I wrote some, and read some, and wrote some again and would still be writing if I hadn't done something stupid that threw off my writing mood completely and put me in this werid mood. Oh well. I think I'll stop now since I don't know If I'm making much sense anymore.

Thursday, May 22, 2003 10:50 a.m.
I ATE A BAGEL~~~~ ^______________^

And now life is All Happy Good.

Wednesday, May 21, 2003 11:08 a.m.
I CAN EAT NOOOOOOOOODLES~~~~~~~~~~~~~ XD

Yes, I ate those leftover noodles that have been taunting me for days… yes, they were several days old, but dammit, they were Good. And I could CHEW them. And Life Is All Happy Good! ^__________^

And on a slightly more serious note…

In response to the maturity thing, I can definitely see where I've matured. I can see it enough that I don't like looking back at my old entries because I'm rather embarrassed at the person I used to be. I was a terrible friend and a complete mess of a person. I don't really like other people seeing them either, which is why they're hidden, but I can't quite bring myself to delete them. I've deleted very few things that I've written and I regret most of them.

But, I'm pretty proud of the fact that I changed. I'm not perfect now and there are several things that I still wish were slightly different about me, but I'm a lot better than I used to be. My life isn't perfect, but it's pretty damn good and what is lacking is only little things. I look around to see I have wonderful friends, a boyfriend who accepts every part of me for what I am with only the minimum amount of teasing, good parents, and a stable life. What more could I really ask for?

*crosses all fingers and toes so she doesn't jinx herself*

Tuesday, May 20, 2003 08:48 p.m.
*a red-haired, green-eyed chibi bounces in and grins*

[Chibi Kaig] And she said it would never happen. Mwahahaha!

Oh hell no... I don't want a chibi!

[Chibi Kaig] Too late. I'm here to stay. *grabs root beer from a fridge that has never been there before, kicks off her shoes, and flops on the couch, which has also never existed before* Hey, find me something interesting to do.

... *boots chibi off of couch. Kaig pouts and starts sulking like a small child*

This is all your fault. I don't know how, but it is. And I'll get you for it. Grr!

Tuesday, May 20, 2003 01:34 p.m.
I love tapioca pudding, I really do, but what I really desire is those leftover noodles in the fridge. @_@ I want solid food! Arg! I can almost chew and the frustrating thing is it only hurts when I chew now. >_< Fooooood...

So, have been reading all morning. I opened the entire house cause it feels so nice outside and there's a breeze blowing through my room. One nice thing about so many windows is I can be outside and in all at the same time. ^_^

@_@ Foooood...

Monday, May 19, 2003 12:15 p.m.
I ate meat last night! It was muchly happy good, even if it was all mushed up. ^^ And now I'm not on any pain medication! Yay! I've always hated being dependent on things, and medicine is something I wish I never have to take. >_<

Watched Hunt For Red October last night at Bunny-man's house. I like that movie, and Sean Connery is always fun to watch. ^^

I hope you finally went to sleep. Sleep is a good thing! Realize this! Grr!

So, that's really all that's interesting (if that's interesting to anyone but me @_@) in my life. I'm really rather bored right now...

Sunday, May 18, 2003 07:00 a.m.
Gah. Tis too early to be up when I don't have to be. @_@ I can only lay on my back and that's no longer comfortable, so I just got up.

I'm feeling better this morning, though I have the feeling that my body is adapting to the pain medication cause it never really lasts longer than 3 hours now. (it's supposed to last 4) Oh well. And I'm not so swollen! Life is happy good, well, mostly anyway. Still hurts a little and I can't take any more medicine for another hour. (children's tylenol I'm willing to stretch the time limits on, but not the prescription stuff they gave me. @_@) Which reminds me, must not forget to take my swelling medicine like I did yesterday...

The jazz band concert was fun last night. ^_^ Got to see people and I enjoyed it, even though all I wanted to do was get out of there by the end cause it hurt so much. So I came home, took medicine (I'm a real druggie at the moment ~_~) and snuggled up to ice. Ice is a happy thing.

So! I'm more awake than I have any right to be and everyone else in the house is still asleep! Arg! >_<

Saturday, May 17, 2003 01:48 p.m.
Another day, another blue, green, electric yellow sunrise...

So, woke up this morning feeling like hell and didn't figure out until noon that I hadn't taken my swelling medication. @_@ And feel quite a bit better now, but still don't feel like venturing out into the Real World. Until tonight, that is. I will go to the jazz band concert! I must suceed!

Yeah, so I'm feeling quite a bit better than I have the last two days. Puppy came over last night and we watched The Mummy Returns. I like that movie. ^^ It's goofy and a tad bit campy, but that's the fun of it, really. And it was nice to see someone aside from my mom and sister, not that I'm not extremely grateful to them for putting up with my occasionaly freak-outs and whining. Only problem is he kept making me smile, and damn that hurts. >_<

Hm... I was considering writing since this is really the first time I've felt like sitting upright for awhile, but I don't know if I wanna anymore. Discomfort is a rather annoying distraction. >_o It doesn't really hurt that much, but I can feel the stitches and can't close my mouth all the way. Grr! Grr, I say! I wanna get better!

Friday, May 16, 2003 08:12 a.m.
Okay, first of all, I'd like to say I'm sorry for yesterday's entry. I was tired and grumpy and nowhere near being in a civil mood. No, I'm not mad at any of you, especially you What you said made me feel a lot better, actually. I just really don't take these kinds of things well and I took it out on my pita, and indirectly, you guys. I'm sorry and I feel really bad for it.

With all that said, I'm lonely. ~_~ I would drive to school to see people, but I can't drive with the pain medication I'm on and I have the sneaking suspicion that as soon as it wears off, I'm not gonna be happy. The pain is kinda at a low level now and I'd like to keep it that way. So if any of you have any time to call or e-mail, please do. It would be nice to talk to someone.

Thursday, May 15, 2003 07:29 p.m.
Today I was reminded why I don't believe anyone when it comes to me and medical things. It was not okay. It was the fucking scariest thing I have ever been through in my entire life. Neither the Vallium nor the laughing gas helped, and if they did, I don't want to know how much worse it would have been. Yes, I did go out, once I stopped hyperventallating and they found the damn vein. ("This isn't a needle, it's a plastic thingy." Bull fucking shit.")

So, I'm Not In A Good Mood. I'd advise those of you who told me it would be fine to steer clear for awhile. Logically, I know I shouldn't be mad at you. Logic is not playing a big part here.

And now I'm going to go lay back down and snuggle up to some ice.

Tuesday, May 13, 2003 08:42 p.m.
Can't make an omelette without killing a few people.

Guess which book I spent a good part of the day reading? I started Neverwhere at about 10 this morning and I'm almost done with it. @_@ I needed a break after Tolkien. I like his story and characters, but the writing is a little complex sometimes.

I think I had something to say, but now I don't. @_@ I've been tired all day for some reason, though I know I got enough sleep. I even laid around in bed for awhile, just for the heck of it.

Gah... just one more day before I won't be able to eat anything but ice cream and jello... Can I reconsider this? Please?

Tuesday, May 6, 2003 08:17 p.m.
So, now I have my history and government classes out of the way. Wai wai~~~ ^_^ And ceramics is almost done, all I gotta do is go back for the 30 minute or so clean-up and glaze two things. All that's left is Japanese and Psychology, and those shouldn't be too hard. ^^

My life hasn't been that interesting lately, which is why I haven't really written anything. Hell, I haven't even worked on my stories. ;_; I wanna write so bad! But there's just no inspiration. Grr... I've been too grounded by certain events and the fantasy world is really hard to get back to for some reason. I used to spend a lot of the time ignoring the real world, not because I was unhappy or anything (though that was how it started) but because that was where I felt most comfortable and I didn't have to pay attention to the real world as much. Now I do, which isn't a bad thing, but now I have to learn how to balance that with my creativity.

Or perhaps this is another distancing from my characters. I used to talk directly to them and they'd 'talk' back when I first started writing, but over the years, they've grown a little more distant so I only saw them in the scenes they wanted written. Every once in awhile I'd get a poke from them, but otherwise, they lived completely in their world. Maybe I shouldn't be waiting for them to appear in my head again, but, dammit, I'm having a hell of a time writing when I don't know where I'm going. It's like walking around blind and it's not always pretty. So, if this is the case, I suppose I have to relearn how to be creative. Damn, this sucks. I want my characters back, dammit!

But certainly not at the price of losing such a good thing. ^_~

Friday, May 2, 2003 01:58 p.m.
Well, got to Daddy's house just in time to clean up his coffee spill because he was late for a meeting. My head still smells like coffee and it was over an hour ago. ~_~

But oh well. I was reading the Chronicle and there's an article in there about a bill currently in the legislature (Texas, not US) to ban gay foster parents. It made me really mad to read it, but it was also rather odd because I kinda have to remind myself that it doesn't apply to me as much as it once did. The bill is against both gay and bisexual people, which makes me wonder how the hell is anyone gonna know if someone's bisexual. @_@

I really just don't understand some people. The guy that sponsoring the bill says that he believes that homosexuality is 'learned' behavior, like pedophilia. There are some people in this world that I just want to strangle. This is ignoring the fact that there's people like me who didn't even know anyone bisexual until after I'd discovered myself to be that way, and there have been studies that show that adopted kids aren't more likely to be gay if the foster parents are gay.

But in some ways, I'm glad to know that I'm not a lesbian. I hate to admit it, but a lot of the time, when I was dealing with all the shit the world throws at gays, I really, truely wished that I could just be 'normal' whatever the hell that was. Maybe it was a comment one of my girlfriends said on the subject, maybe it was my mind trying to tell me something, but I just got so sick of fighting prejudice against me. This isn't to say that I still don't get annoyed and take it rather personally when I see that kind of stuff, but I'm not gonna have to worry about holding my significant other's hand in public, or shit like that. Or, knowing the amount of physical contact in the group, maybe I'll have to deal with it from people that get the wrong idea from us. I've said it before, I'll say it again, anyone looking at us would think that all the girls are bi and all the guys are lucky. ^^;;;;

But anyway. I've been watching a wasp fly around the room as I type this and I've propped the door open in the hopes that it'll get smart and fly out.

Hey! It actually did! Yay!

I wanna go see X-men. @_@ Hopefully tomorrow. ^_^

Hm... should probably go read government. nudgenudgewinkwinksaynomoresaynomore

Thursday, May 1, 2003 09:49 p.m.
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	High
Level 2 (Lustful)	Moderate
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very High
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Test

Ehehe... I knew I was a heretic, but I didn't think I was that violent... oh well. ^_^

Wednesday, April 30, 2003 10:49 a.m.
*blinkblink* I'm awake? I think?

I'm so tired it's not even funny, though I only lost an hour of sleep. ~_~ So now I'm sitting at home since I had nothing to do in ceramics and decided I didn't just want to sit around and do nothing there. So I'm sitting around and doing nothing here. @_@ Maybe I should go take a nap.

I haven't been writing much in this, have I? Hell, I haven't been writing much period. It's driving me just a little nuts. >_< I want my characters to come back! They seem to have vacated my head for some reason. I cleaned it, I promise!

Finally have a little free time, yet am too tired to do anything with it. _o_

Thursday, April 24, 2003 12:45 p.m.
Happy Birthday oh Sharky-twin! ^_____________^

Sunday, April 20, 2003 08:57 p.m.
Lalala... it's been an interesting... wow, has it really been a week since I posted? I'm such a bum. ~_~ Lots of fun stuff, including my first drinking game. ^^;;;

So... I really don't have much to talk about, other than the fact that I haven't written anything story-wise in three freaking weeks. Arg! Driving me nuts. We won't say whose fault it was cause that would be mean... ^^;;;

Um... wow, I'm so uninteresting tonight. ^^;;; Not that I'm ever really interesting... I think I should shut up now.

Sunday, April 13, 2003 10:22 p.m.
Well... it's been an interesting week. And you guys are never gonna guess what I have. ^_^

Though given the reactions of most of the people I've told... maybe you will. ~_~ Anyway, Abe and I are dating. Yes, you read that right, stop rubbing your eyes like that. And no, I didn't get taken away by aliens either, though he is Mexican, he could be an illegal alien. ^_~

So, that's kinda my big news. ^_^ I can't really explain how it happened, though I'll try for anyone who wants to know, but I'm glad it did. And, before any of you say it, no, Drew will not kill me. He knows. It's all good. ^_^

So... just thought I'd let you guys know... ^^;;;;

Tuesday, April 8, 2003 09:49 p.m.
Ah... Was a good day, after I stopped feel vaguely sick. @_@ Got my government paper back and made a 90 on it. Yay! ^_^

Abe~~~~ Yer so cool for breaking my writer's block! ... again. ^^;;; What would I do without you?

...on second though, don't answer that. ^^;;; Hm... nothing much to talk about, really. Nothing I really feel like talking about anyway. I haven't written here in awhile, have I? Seems that I've gotten lazy. @_@

And reading MegaTokyo. Very amusing. ^^ Largo wears a bunny suit! I am so amused. ^_^

Wednesday, April 2, 2003 06:39 p.m.
Well, I've had a rather interesting day. When through most of a bag of clay and only got one semi good pitcher out of it, history was boring as usual, and now Daddy is glued to the TV like countless other people, addicted to the war. It's so freaking sad. Why are people spending so much time watching the war? I just don't get it.

I got through two more chapters of that damn book. More of the same, except one thing. The first civil rights case was for a group of Indians trying to return home and you know what? They won. That blew me away. The court ruled that there were people and so the habeus corpus law applied to them. And you know what? General Asshole Sherman turned around and said that ruling only appiled in that specific incidence, so it made it okay to kill the leader of the rest of the tribe when he tried to join the ones that had made it home. So, in the end, more of the same.

Also learned that I don't like Davey Crockett. He's not in the book, because these focus on a different group of tribes, but apparently right before he died, he made a joke about killing Indian children, which he had done when he helped drive the Indians out of the Georgia area. Ladies and gentlemen! Our great war heros!

Four more chapters...

Sunday, March 30, 2003 08:55 p.m.
I have so rarely been so frustrated in my entire life. I'm reading Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee for history, which is about what the government did to the American Indians. Every chapter is the same. There are no happy endings, no happy middles, nothing. It's one fucking betrayal after another by the government until the Indians are forced to fight, then they're slaughtered and forced onto a reservation with too little food and shelter.

Ladies and gentlemen! The great history of the United States! Watch as the fearless Army commanders massacre hundreds of women and children! See the government break every single treaty it signed with such a 'lesser race!' And when you're done, throw the book across the room!

It frustrates me so fucking much. Manifest Destiny was an excuse to take Indian territory and all those heros we grew up on are really thieves and murderers. Custer's men weren't massacured, they attacked first. Everything was done because the whites way of life was obviously better and the Indians had to suffer through it or die. There were no other alternatives in the government's eyes.

And I'm not even done with the book yet. I was supposed to finish it this weekend, but I can't stand to read anymore tonight. It's all the same shit anyway. The government will win and the Indians will die or be forced onto reservations and that will be it.

Thursday, March 27, 2003 02:45 p.m.
And now for a dose of childishness from our government. They put James and the Giant Peach on the banned list because they said the word ass was in there and the peach looks like an ass. What the hell?!

Monday, March 24, 2003 09:15 p.m.
Hello. May I speak to the Republican of the house?
There isn't one.
*long pause*I understand. Thank you. *click*

Yes, this actually happened to me today. Was rather funny. ^_^

Friday, March 21, 2003 10:04 a.m.
Gah. Trying to get some of my government paper done this morning was a bad idea. @_@ I'm never all that motivated in the morning, though if I get enough of it done, I can do more stuff Saturday. >_< Must... work...

Which probably means I shouldn't be writing in my pita, but I'm giving my brain a little bit of a rest from environmental regulations and such. I'm doing air quality. I could have done water quality and had an easy ride cause I've heard so much about it from my dad, but I decided I already knew enough about that. Silly me. Oh well, it's interesting and I'm slightly more hopeful about it than I was. The EPA is tightening standards and though Texas is scrambling around for funds for their projects (surprise surprise) I think it'll get better. The Cesspit, I mean Houston, is gonna have a hell of a time complying with the standards though. >_<

But anyway. I've had people look at me funny when I say I don't want to drive somewhere to do just one thing or whatever, but dammit, that's what you're supposed to do. Most people don't care about the air. Hey, I rhymed. ^^ They would rather think that it's not their 'little SUVs' that's causing the pollution. Yes, I've had someone tell me this. ~_~ He thought that most of Austin's pollution came from the big trucks that come through on I-35. I don't think so. Sure, those are a part of it, but those 'little SUVs' cause a lot more harm because of the number of them around. And then there's Hummers. Every time I see one of those I feel like throwing something at it. What the hell could they need that thing for? It goes on something like 12 miles to the gallon! America actually had better milage back in the 70's than it does now. Isn't that sad?

Okay okay, I'll stop now. This issue just tends to bother me a lot because so many people just don't care. I want a smaller car so badly... ~_~

Monday, March 17, 2003 09:09 p.m.
I can't believe the news today, oh I can't close my eyes and make it go away...
-U2, Bloody Sunday

Just watched some of the news and was reminded why I don’t usually watch the news. Why the hell does Bush have to do this war? Most of the world already doesn’t like us, it’s not like this is gonna make it any better. I don’t want to see this happen. I don’t want to have to live through this.

Of course, none of this is my choice, or the choice of most people. The best I can do is just ‘muddle through’ as Kitty would say. And if we’re bombed or something and I can’t publish my books, then I’ll keep them for a time when they can be published. I may sound like I’m overreacting, but dammit, I’m fuckin’ scared. I’ve never been a very brave person and this war makes me want to go curl up in a corner until it all goes away. It may sound incredibly selfish, but I hope the war doesn’t touch my life too much. I don’t want it to take my friends, I don’t want it to take away my dream of becoming a writer. I want it to go away.

Geeze, I must sound like a child. I want I want I want. But what am I supposed to say? I’ve supposedly got all this writing talent, but I can never seem to make it say anything that’s worth anything. I write fantasy, which, at best, gives an escape from the real world. There’s not much worth in it, but it’s all I want to do with my life. I want to be able to give people that escape because I enjoy it so much and it did so much for me when I was younger. I’m not trying to change the world because the world doesn’t want to be changed. People don’t want to hear new ideas most of the time. They’d rather go along with their old ones without ever looking up to see the world as it actually is.

And what would I change anyway? The people who hate gays will always hate gays and the people who push religion on others will always do so. There’s no stopping it. All you can do is put your head down as you walk past and don’t meet their eyes. People who are different will always be ‘evil.’ Just let it go by, turn the other cheek, and go on with life. Nothing else can be done.

Sunday, March 16, 2003 08:35 p.m.
*flop*

Three hour car rides suck, espcially when they turn into four hour rides because of traffic. @_@

Well, twas fun. Saw Grandpa, my great aunt Jane, my Aunt Janet and Gwen, my youngest cousin. She got big. o_o How the hell did that happen? And apparently my middle cousin is taller than my aunt. @_@

Okay... must pretend I'm awake enough to write this... ~_~

It appears that all that staying up late is catching up to me all at once. That and car rides always make me sleepy. Maybe if I wake myself up enough I can write. I was having some good ideas on the way home. Now let's see if I can remember any. ~_~

Friday, March 14, 2003 10:34 a.m.
So much to talk about... so little desire to. ~_~

The camping trip was fun. It cleared up after we got there and the only problems were the muddy trail and the people in the campsite next to us who woke Katie up, who in turn woke me up with. And then she woke me up again when she yelled at them. ~_~

This is my last 'free' day of Spring Break. Tomorrow I'm going to Dallas to see my grandpa, great aunt, aunt, and cousin. Should be fun. ^_^ I only get to see Aunt Janet and cousins once or twice a year.

But it's really kinda scary to think about my grandpa living somewhere other than his house. He's starting to have problems with his memory and my mom and aunt were talking about talking to him about moving to an assisted living place. No, not an old folks home. He doesn't need that. Just some place where they will take care of stuff like the bills and the light bulbs for him so he doesn't have to remember it. I'm really going to miss grandpa's house if he moves. Oh hell, when he moves. It might not be too soon, but it's gonna happen eventually.

I'm really gonna miss his attic. It has a huge amount of random stuff in it that's really fun to go through, even though I've probably seen it all several times. I can't imagine where it's gonna all go if he moves. I don't like the thought of his stuff and the house being sold to someone else. Maybe I just like things to stay the same too much, but I know Grandpa enjoys living on his own and he likes his house.

It's odd. I've never really talked to him an extreme amount because we're both pretty quiet people, him more than me, but I've always felt rather close to him. There's so much that I do that Momma says reminds her of Grandpa. I don't know if I can really explain it properly. Maybe someday when my writing gets good enough I will, but not right now. It just doesn't make sense anywhere but my head at the moment, or at least it doesn't seem so. Maybe it does, I don't know.

I finished putting all the editing changes into the computer this morning. I think it's actually done this time. *blinkblink* Though my editor said to see if I could cut some characters, but dammit, all of those characters need to be in there. They all do something important at one time or another. I cut one guards name because it only came up twice and I really could combine two characters into one, but it just wouldn't work as well then. One character would be saying the lines from two different personalities.

I have the sneaking suspicion this is gonna happen on EMRUS too. There's a lot of characters, many of whom fade into the background most of the time, but they all need to be there for the story to work properly. At least I think so. Maybe it's just cause I'd be able to see the hole because I know what used to be there, but no one else would.

And speaking of EMRUS and my book, I really need to work on them. ~_~ I just haven't had the urge to in awhile. I thought I might get some writing done over spring break, but I suppose not. The only scenes that won't leave me alone are too far ahead to write. I have to deal with the political shit in EMRUS and figure out how something is gonna work in the second book. ~_~ I really want to do it a certain way, but I gotta figure out reasons to do it that way first. That tends to be how writing that story goes. I had to go back and put in a whole bunch of reasons in the first book because it just didn't make sense otherwise, but that's how I wanted the story to be.

*realizes how long she's blabbered on* Ehehe... sorry. ^^;;; Shall now go do something else while I wait for the bunny to wake up and call me. >_>

Wednesday, March 12, 2003 08:47 a.m.
Well, we're going on our Great Camping Adventure. Should be fun, if the weather doesn't dump on us. @_@ Daddy's being overly slow on getting ready so I'm just kinda sitting around with nothing to do. I think that boys take longer to get ready than girls. Just look how long it takes the bunny and the puppy to get anywhere... though there could be other reasons. ^_~

I have new pants! And they're happy and zippy and stuff. ^_^ And since I've just run out of semi-interesting stuff to say, I shall go now. ^^;;;;

Tuesday, March 11, 2003 06:52 p.m.
So. Didn't get into UT. It's bugging more than I thought it would, though that's probably because of the fact that they said I could count the credits I'm currently taking and the fucking didn't. Grr.

But other than that it was a rather good day. Got pants, saw Cats. There's a friend of my dad's here now so I should probably go be social, but I needed to vent a little about the UT thing. Stupid bastards.

Tuesday, March 11, 2003 10:16 a.m.
New layout~~~~ The picture is being a bit iffy at the moment. I'll fix it soon. ~_~ Sankyu to Sharky for the happy happy piccyture! *glomp* It's an original character of mine named Koukeisha who I don't exactly have an entire personality for her yet, but she's cool. ^^;;;

Will write more later. Must get ready to go. @_@

Saturday, March 8, 2003 10:05 a.m.
I hate waiting.

I hate waiting for both good and bad things, though at least with the good things, the waiting is made worthwhile. The bad things just suck.

So am currently sitting here, trying to think of something to do for the next three hours before I leave to go play DnD. (very highly addicting, it is. ~_~) Three hours is a long time when you have to wait.

It's odd. I used to spend entire summers at home with nothing to do so I used to be able to spend entire days doing practically nothing without getting bored. I'd read or talk to the pets or play cards with myself or just stare at the wall and think about stories. I really need to do some of that. >_< The sequal of my book is going very slowly. I'm not even sure it's gonna be long enough to be a book. I may have to throw in a sub plot or something. Another one. ~_~ I can see why Momma says my writing is so complicated. I have lots of characters that are all pretty nessecery and at least one sub plot, if not two or three, in each story. And I still sometimes believe I'm unoriginal. @_@

Or maybe I am. I dunno, I look around and then put things together in odd ways that I've never seen before, or at least I think I've never seen them, and just write it. It's EMRUS that's really making me think I'm uncreative. It's not the kind of writing I'm all that good at, so I need a lot of help with the politics and corporate structure. But I also tend to take little ideas people give me and make huge leaps off of them, which is always fun. ^_^ I had a character born that way. Several actually.

I dunno. I just love my writing, and though I sometimes dream of being a successful author who has people who want her to sign their books, I know that I'm not being very realistic. I can always dream, but the reality is much harder than that. I'm willing to take the risk and go at it whole heartedly, but that's mostly because my mom is the coolest person in the world and said I could live there as long as I wish. ~_~ I couldn't imagine not writing. My characters would eat my brain or something. @_@

And I need to find someone to bounce an idea off of before it disappears completely. It's really annoying to have the details, but not the plot. >_< I need a plot! Though I don't really need to start something else. @_@ But I don't want this idea to die! It's (I think at least) really cool.

Okay, I've been babbling awhile... think I'll stop. ^_^

Friday, March 7, 2003 10:11 p.m.
SPRING BREAK~~~~~~~~~~~

^___________^ Life is happy. Will see lots of people and have much happy fun. Am having a lot to do just this weekend. *looks at completely full schedule. Ah well. Who needs free time when you're gonna be hanging out with friends? ^_^

Tuesday, March 4, 2003 02:09 p.m.
*drags self to computer*

UCHU ICHI~~~~~~~~~

Hurray for cramming right before I test I completely forgot about and probably managing to make a semi-decent grade. @_@

*drags self away again*

Sunday, March 2, 2003 11:28 a.m.
I'm awake... I think. I've been up for awhile, but I haven't been doing much but reading the paper and staring off into space. @_@ Should be editing the last (YES! LAST) chunk of my book, but I think I'm too tired to concentrate on it.

Had fun last night. I love my friends. ^_^ And, with that said, damn you people make a mess. But that's okay. It's cleaned up now. *flop* Do you want your pr0n? It's currently sitting downstairs... should probably move it before Katie gets a hold of it.

Finally have time to go get fabric for my cloak and the length I'm gonna add onto my overalls. Shall be muchly happy fun, if I ever wake up. @_@ Shall now go listen to loud music to attempt to feel more alert. >_<

Friday, February 28, 2003 08:57 p.m.
Abe you are officially one of the coolest people I know. ^_________^ And my Sharky-twin too! You have no idea how much inspiration your picture gave me. There is now a new twist in the plot. I'll probably end up telling you about it tomorrow. ^^;;; I really just can't keep quiet about anything.

So I'm on a writing high. Alcoholics drink for forgetfulness, cocaine addicts for the pleasure, but I live for these writing highs. They affect me in a way no drug could. Everything starts to fall into place. Even Rufus. XD I WIN!

Okay, I'm a little incoherent...

Wednesday, February 26, 2003 01:21 p.m.
Ah, snow day #2. ^____^ Was gonna have history, but when I got there there was a lady telling everyone that Pinnicle opened at 3 so we should go home, which I did gladly. ^_^ It would have sucked to only have to go to my least favorite class.

My brain hurts. ~_~ I wrote too much and now it feels like someone squeezed my brain and left sticky fingerprints in it. Odd discription, I know. @_@ But! I got a lot done, so it's all good. ^_^

Sharky! Yer so cool! *glomp* I love the picture.

Ah, want to write more but brain hurts~~~~

Tuesday, February 25, 2003 01:55 p.m.
SNOW DAY~

Ah yes, life is good. ^_^ Momma, Katie and I all ended up waking up really early and Katie dragged me out of bed to go sliding around on the ice. Was fun. ^_^ Then came back inside and built a fire and taught Momma how to make pinch pots. I'm gonna see if I can fire them in my backyard with all that in the burnpile. Shall be an interesting experiment. And just for fun I made some little figures and threw them into the hot ashes, so we'll see how that turns out. ^_^

Tis still white outside. ACC got canceled, which is muchly happy good cause I don't want to drive in this shit. @_@ Do have to take a test on Thursday that I'm ready for now, though, but oh well. ^_^ Now if Emmy would come back, this would be the perfect day...

Monday, February 24, 2003 09:51 p.m.
It's so odd. I spent so much time screaming for help in this pita when I was depressed and no one was listening, and now all it takes to have several people to ask me if I'm okay is the fact that I deleted and entry. Rather ironic, I think.

But whatever. It's icy outside. @_@ Probably means I'll miss at least my Japanese class, which is one of the few I still enjoy. Ceramics sucks. >_< My teacher is really big on sculpture, which I'm not fond of, at least not if it's abstract, which is what we're doing. ~_~ And he never likes my idea, which means I have to come up with something different that he might like. Dammit, this class is supposed to be something I use my creativity in, not his. I know he's trying to teach me, but he isn't. I'm just getting frustrated because I can't use my ideas.

And my pre-test laziness is hitting me pretty hard. Some people freak out, I just feel like saying 'screw this.' I'm so strange. ~_~

Sunday, February 23, 2003 09:49 p.m.
If anyone read the entry I deleted, I'm sorry. I overreacted to something. I'm better now.

Saturday, February 22, 2003 10:32 a.m.

You are an idiot.... and a Turkey. If you're smart
enough to be taking this quiz, you must be a
Wild Turkey, but still, you're not too bright.
Word of advice, start working out, don't want
to be fat and juicy around Thanksgiving time.

What type of Penguin are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

P>
What Drink Are You?

Friday, February 21, 2003 10:48 p.m.
Went to Chilis with Steffie and some other people to celebrate her birthday. Was fun. ^_^ Am not entirely coherent, but feel like writing anyway.

...but have a lack of things to talk about. ~_~ My life is so uninteresting. But I think I perfer it that way, actually. I babysat for most of today and that was kind of fun. She's cute. ^_^

Also got my oil changed, which desparately needed to be done. @_@ Can we say twice the normal time and over a thousand miles over the limit? Oops. Ah well. My baby is happy now and the cats are going crazy. Life is good. ^_^

Monday, February 17, 2003 08:23 p.m.
So, now I'm seeing what I was like from the outside with Kitty. Damn. You'd think I'd have some great advice or something, but all I can really say is that it's someone only you can fix. You may believe that other people will help, but they will always let you down in the end, no matter how good of friends they are. And I'm not saying that it's they're fault. It's not. Expectations are set higher, I think, when we're far away from familiar settings.

You know, one of the main reasons I decided I really didn't want to go to college away from Austin was because I knew I'd become lonely and depressed. I didn't want to slip backwards after I'd worked so hard to get myself out of that shit. I need contact with friends and family both to keep me happy and to keep my creativity going.

... and speaking of creativity, I must go write an essay for UT about how my book has challenged me... riiiight.

Sunday, February 16, 2003 08:46 p.m.

Badger

What Is Your Animal Personality?
brought to you by Quizilla

Badgers? We don't need no stinking badgers!

But seriously, does this sound like me? I certainly hope not. ;_;

Saturday, February 15, 2003 08:13 p.m.
Ah... long day... _o_

It was just one of those days when my brain didn't function. Wish I hadn't had to leave the house. >_< Ah well. Got some more of my book back from my editor. She likes it, which is always a good sign, I suppose. I'm really kinda iffy on it, but I am making it much better than it was. I have to take out all the shit I put in there just to have it in there, like the odd japanese phrases and the oversized sword. ~_~

There's a TV anime for Ghost in the Shell and I really really like it. Mokoto is cool! And I want a tachikoma. There these tanks that are cute. Yes, I know it sounds weird. I looked at Abe strangely the first time he told me that, but it's true I tell you! The plot tends to leave me behind in places, but otherwise it's very good. The animation is really nice too. ^_^ And it kinda points to Mokoto being a lesbian! Or at least bi. Makes me happy. ^_^

Also watched some Kenshin. *twitch* They should have never started putting in filler episodes. *twitch* Hurts me head... ;_;

And Freakazoid! Makes me happy! Lots of things have been making me happy lately. ^_^ Kitty called me! I really made my day. Not that I had a bad day before that, but that just made it better. Feel happy Kitty! Or I'll be forced to tell you bad jokes! Or my stories! Hehehe... wanna hear blue buttons? *gringrin*

Saturday, February 8, 2003 04:40 p.m.
So I'm strange looking and disreputable am I?. Hm... Cool, I think. @_@

My sister doesn't like Casablanca. What's wrong with her?! It's one of the best movies ever! And I like Sam. How can you not? He's just cool. ^_^ And the officer, I keep forgetting his name. "I'm only a poor corrupt official."

Went to see editor-lady again today and got another chunk back. You can really tell she doesn't read much fantasy. She thinks some of my ideas are original. ~_~ Now I have to put those changes into the computer, which is just about the most boring thing I can think of, but it's gotta be done.

Believe me, I'm scared as hell about where the money is going to come from. Momma has said I can live with her for as long as I want, but I don't want to be living there forever. I wish it wasn't so expensive to live in Austin. @_@ Why do I have to love this city so much? I am probably going to do something else besides being a author, but more because I can't just sit every day all day and write. I've got to have some outside stimulus or everything just dries up. Of course, then sometimes I get too much and that's no good either. @_@

Will be studying Japanese with Abe tomorrow. Will be much fun. ^_^ We have a test Thursday, which I'll be okay on if I can just pound into my head the numbers for counting days. Why do the Japanese have so many different numbering systems. Hurts me head. ~_~