What I really Meant to say

ARG
Tuesday, June 11, 2002 05:54 p.m.

I was walking home today after school, and every thing just hit me that i never take the time to notice the little things anymore, like the cute little kid who puts on a towel and is transformed into a super hero, or the weird things ppl stick to the top of their cars! Not to mention the little cuties in their bathing suits getting sprayed from a hose by their mother who is half watering the garden, Living so close to a school allows me to see children all the time, and they never cease to amaze me. Just to think that one day, they will be as old as me and we would have a whole new generation. YA, but then my serinity was shattered sortly after i came home, and my sister tried to tell me i had commitment issues, that i needed a new b/f every week, and that i needed change all the time! She has no idea, if she knew me at all, she would know i hate change, if she knew me at all she would know, and understand about Chanie. To make matters worse, she critisized my faith.....to diss me is one thing, but to openly make fun of the lord directly in my face is another. I actually started yelling, (which i havent done in a long while)i got so frusterated, i even told her to go screw herself! Now, i know ur saying "ya, what a great christian u are" and i realize that it wasnt exactly the best approach, but im sick and tired of her calling me a bible thumper and rolling her eyes every time i talk about church or youth group. I wish she could just be happy for me, ARG. i was so mad i stormed up the stairs, slammed my door and started cryin?! its so frusterating! However, she will be leaving soon, and im sure i will regret ever wishing that she would leave.......oh well, i just need to take a deep breath, send up a prayer, and move on cause dwelling in the past is gonna do nothing for me in the furture! Anyways, i gotta get goin', its time for rangers(denmark meeting) whoooo hoooooo

Thank you, thank you, thank you
Monday, June 10, 2002 09:51 p.m.

Its tee and im soooooooooooooooooooooo happy, things are workin out so good for me. School is almost done and im just so happy about me and jon(i have a rather large smile plastered on my face at the moment). It has been a long cofusing year, but everything is now peicing itself together, everything has a purpose, and I feel closer to God now then ever before! Its just so exciting! Of course now to sober my mood a little, I have to remeber that next year i will be missing a few good friends by my side, this makes me quite unhappy...how i will miss them and all the laughs we've had....of course i will see them again...often(im sure) but, its just not the same as having then there for ur last year......i suppose that there is not much that can be done about it tho...i also have to remember that exams are coming and i have hardly started studying........ i cant beleive i have left it for so long! This is so not like me! I do need to concentrate on my books, but ya know what? For now, im gonna live in the moment and be truly and utterly happy for myself!Whoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! We all know i dont do that nearly as much as i used to ..... and lets all hope that i can be more like the old me, but still be wise enough to make the right decisions about every turn that is thrown at me in life. Well, i guess thats all for now, but before i go i would once again like to mention yay, im sooooooooo happy! :P

yessssss..........
Thursday, June 6, 2002 05:51 p.m.

So, this is from Jo yesterday for those who are confused about the date...dont worry, jo's not as crazy as me! So ya....here it is. Tomorrow is my birthday. Tomorrow. But right now is here and its not pretty. Actually come to think of it not much is pretty at all anymore.Im sorry but here i, tee, have to interject and say, yes, there are a lot of pretty things dont forget sunsets/sunrises and of course lilac bushes-say it right!) Everything has a dark shadow on it. A dark shadow casted from the storm clouds above. As pathetic as it sounds as i sit here in the dark I wonder where you guys are and waht u're doing. I wonder if you ever reach times this low. I wonder what im supposed to do w/ myself and as much as Iwant to get up and shake the depression gone, i just cant. No one likes a whiner but f***(sorry i just cant do it) that im venting. I quit, I give up, it wins. I lose. I wish i could stop time for a week so it wouldnt pass me by in a blur. As much as things are great in my life. Those happy things that do exist are drowned by the bad things. To put it metaphorically, you could look for a silver lining, but every cloud is tarnished. Someone that I miss a whole lot once told me that life is only as pathetic as u let it get. Then i must have f***** up again. To wake up here every day ispathetically sad enough. I swallow my tears but try not to choke. Reality is reality. Its happy, its sad. Its love, its hatred. Its friendly, its cold. Its welcoming, its isolating. Its light, its dark. Its faith and hope. Its destrucion and desolation. Its birth and life, cancer and death. Its reality and my control is limited. I guess its just hard for me to be happy right nowthats all. Thanks for listening. Jo

oy
Wednesday, June 5, 2002 10:38 p.m.

well, i officially broke up w/ Chanie, but we're still gonna hang out.....ya i know ur all like "sure, thats what they ALL say!" but i like hangin out w/ him so phtbbtt. Well schools comin to an end,and guess who is wasting her time online instead of making math notes? Yup, thats right...oh well, its my own fault. Hmmmmmmm, what else to talk about? Music night went well (well i think so anyways), i had fun....and even tho i didnt go to montreal i still had fun watchin the slides......Prom was interesting....it wasnt what i expected (it was more like a dance that u spend a WHOLE lot of money on)oh well, it was fun non-the-less.....that is once they started playin good music! Whooooooo hoooooooo im glad im done my B.T.T., it wasnt as bad as i thought it might be, but i did have to stay later then i thought id have to, but oh well, i got done and thats all that counts! Go shrek! thats like the coolest animated movie ever! Yay!B4 i forget, thanx for that kick-ass cd Melissa. I listened to it and its sweet! I had my coop dinner thing tonight, (ya, thats right, they took me out for dinner!) and right when we were about to get up they pulled out some gifts and a card! They are soooo sweet, im gonna miss them, im definatly gonna apply when i get back! OH YEAH ,the puppy visited today, i was so happy! At least i got to say good bye this time!well, i should prolly go.....boooooooooooo for math......

Wednesday, May 29, 2002 02:18 p.m.

Everything is crazy. You just can't win. Somehow I've done more homework this week then i've done all year. Life sucks. I have so many independent studies due that crying is imminent due to stress overload. In other words i've reached burn out which is a scary thing for everyone. Last night I lost it at Mats. ( I'm really sorry I yelled at you but i'm not sorry for what i said, you deserved it.) He has no right to say that. He thinks i should go to prom alone or take him. But i gots some news for that boy. I'll take whoever I want to prom cause i wanna have a good time. besides i'd have way more fun with someone from my own school, especially Jon. (he's so much fun). mats just doesn't get this. The boy has serious problems. dear you're just getting to the point where your're not worth it.What's your problem are you stupid? First i have to ask him if our going on exclusive dates means were are dating to which he replies. I don't know? why? Duh! I can't get over the stupidity and the toying around so the answer is NO! We aren't dating and if he doesn't smarten up we won't be friends either. In other words Mats, be careful or your fired! On a lighter note does anyone wanna know what Missa's surprise from Aaron is? What comes in parts that she's never had before! Hey hey! just kiddin' Missa. OOOh gotta love them yellow roses from the G don't ya. Don't forget your bouteneirs ladies. It's only fair if they buy you a corsage. And just to stir things up a little. Did anyone else see those pictures of tanya and chainie they're so cute! Awwwwwww! Ha ha tee. plastic people. I'm sorry if anyone wasted their precious time reading about my pathetic confusing life but if ya didn't understand me then you're either stupid or you don't know me so what the fuck are you reading this for? See, see there's that stress hostility again. sorry people. My leafs! NOOOO! Oh Well. I should go do more work before i make my self something something.Yeh yeah, don't mind if i do. I'm coming to join ya tee. peace and love, Jo

Friday, May 24, 2002 02:49 p.m.

Only two things are certain in life, when things are hard they only get worse but eventually you hit rock bottom and things can't get any worse and then you start digging.(just kidding) No you start to build yourself up from nothing. You take all the stress you have and you swallow it. You deal with it and you make it go away. if there is anything i've learned in high school it's that you can't trust anyone. Giving someone a piece of your trust is like giving them a round of shells. sooner or later they're gonna come back and bite you in the ass. Boys, i thought i had them figured out but i was wrong (sorry Mats). Just when you think they think they understand you realize your wrong. I'm sorry i thought the majority of you knew that yes ironically means yes and no doesn't mean go ahead. I just wanna know what gives you the right to hurt. What gives you the right to change someone's life for ever. There are certain things that can't be redeemed by an apology. Not that certain individuals tried. Well people who intentionally hurt others get what they derserve and i have to say the hardships i've endured have made me stronger and a better person. So irronically but very painfully thank-you. ( Mats this doesn't have anything to do with you, k)

eeeeeeeeep
Wednesday, May 22, 2002 08:53 p.m.

Hmmmm, s omuch for the no depressing entries! School sucks huge!I cant wait till next week, i will be done 3 major projects and prom will be days away! im getting stuff done ...slowly, but heh im gettin there right? so ya.....what else to talk about? Oh yeah! i can see! whoooo hooooooo, go new glasses perscription! however, i did get a bit of a headache...but the receptionist said i might cause its such a big change...thats never a good thing(once again w/ the bad change!yikes!)oh well.......still quesy...but getting better, i had a very long conversation w/ a very very good friend of mine last night who has the same icky feeling and even tho most the time we were talkin bout somethin else, it was good to be talkin to her, i think i feel a little better knowing that i have someone to relate to(that i know is having the feeling anyways!)The regatta was interesting, gotta love that crazy vic-principal of ours! wet suit and all.......i was across the river on the island for jazz band and i hadnt gotten my new glasses yet .....and my eyes were still burning! yikes! can we say ahhhhhhhhhh? oh dear....i had another moment w/ jon while we were putting our cans in the recycle! yay! i think there will be more to come w/ our co-photo editor thing next year tho! Whooooooooohooooooooo! Anywho, my evil foods presentaion is calling me! anyone know where i can get some good pics of a otter trawl???.......

confused and compicated
Sunday, May 19, 2002 11:29 p.m.

Oy, this is Tee again.....life is so messed up, u get what u think u want and then everything just changes.one minute u feel good about everything and the choices u made and the next u have that quezy feeling that something is not right...arg and boo hiss, i hate change (bad change that is)...oh well, theres not much i can do now...go w/ the flow i suppose....i think i need to be more stable...im goin crazy(but as jo said "we already knew that!") Prom is coming, sure to bring some smiles..yay...school is bringin me down, i really dislike english...i cant beleive i did so bad....well, seeing as i dont have all that much to say at the moment, i suppose i shall go......farwell and good night to all!

Thoughts:
Weeeeeeeeeeeee

Bible Verses:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves. love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4

Poems by Jo:
Buried six feet under, Have you ever been this deep? Have you ever been this lonely? Lost secrets that you keep. Left hopeless in the dark, Bitten raw by hate. Consume you till they win. Get out, but its too late. Beaten even weaker, When they should have held you strong. Thought they could be trusted, Proven you were wrong. Wipe away your tears, wash the painful memorie gone. Lift up your head and smile, and know your moving on.

Perhaps of Hate

Frustration builds Compiling within Pressure becomes enormous Weighs down the mind Closes mental doors. Rage screaming to be free Added upon depression From a society unforgiving The emotion is too great To be defeated alone As it takes over your being Your Soul Along with everyone else Burying us all.