february 3 2001

np: Suzanne Vega -- Luka

I love Papa, but HONESTLY he REALLY depresses me a LOT these days. >_< Looking at it rationally, I'm forced to be thankful to have a dad so concerned about my future, who's doing everything in his power to pave me a way to a stable life later so I don't have to sleep on the streets, but he's so - oh, I don't know, *extreme*. >__<;;;; But I can't really blame him, not with S'pore's sucky school system. My friend had straight As for his A Levels and a former nationals swimmer, and they refused him a scholarship to read medicine in America. However, HIS friend, a nice but bumbling dolt who had 2 Bs on HIS card got it. >___<;;;; Where's the godsforsaken fucking LOGIC of it all?!!

See, my school, we basically have three main streams. It's all about the sciences. The _supposedly_ best classes are the ones taking 3 Pure or Physics, Chem and Bio in 'pure', uncut form. Then there's 2 Pure, with Phys and Chem, and Sub-science, pure Phys and Chem combined with Bio. That's also the stream I'm in. Logically, we sub peeps should still have the same opportunities as the 3 Pure peeps, because we still take all 3 sciences, just that Chem and Bio are taught to us in a more condensed version. We can always make up for it in college after we graduate. But no, it's all too likely that we're seen as a lousy stream by the assholes over at the Ministry and we won't be given any chances for scholarships or more prestigious stuff. Even if my languages and humanities are BETTER than the 3 Pure people, I'll STILL prolly be disadvantaged when applying for a humanities scholarship overseas because I only have ONE science in pure form. >______<;;;;;;;;;; Shit them. My class happens to be better than one of the so-called '3 Pure' ones - our school's standard has dropped SO much. I can't believe they let folks who got below 65% average last year into 3 Pure THIS year. *snarls bitterly* I can easily beat most of those so-called crap elite bunch in English and Bio without thinking. >______< At the risk of sounding egoistic, it's not that **I** COULDN'T enter 3 Pure (my average was pretty high =_=), it's just that I KNEW I couldn't cope with ten subjects and NP and monitorial duties all together. I know my limits and I'm having a hard enough time NOW as it is. Furthermore, I would LIKE to remember my school years as a time where I did SOMETHING other than study my butt off so I could study my it off AGAIN later in life, for the fucking love of orangutan TITS! >_____<;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

Papa won't allow me to do anything I WANT, in other words, though honestly I'm still not sure what I want to read in university right now. But I can't take philosophy because it won't get me anywhere in Asia, not mass communications because it's not a professional service, not ANYTHING that won't earn me cold hard cash when I start working. *slumps tiredly* I don't want to argue with him because I know he's RIGHT and he has my welfare at heart, but - but - really - I hate S'pore sometimes, not that it's prolly the same in most other places. Money money money, anything else isn't honey and'll be the Ruin Of You, Child. >__<;;; I can't blame Papa. I guess I should be screaming at the brainless shitheels who direct our country's educational system and our society, but I don't have the energy for that right now. I know life isn't fair. It doesn' mean I have to like it. *buries head* I'm so tired and I don't sound my age. I don't know why I bother with it all these days. Leave me alone.

january 27 2001

np: White Lion -- When The Children Cry (*warbles happily XD*)

Uh, I didn't die yet? ~_~ nnnn. Belated Gong Xi Fa Cai to everyone. Hongbao no okane, DAIISUKII (and BOY did I ever get lots this year XD XD XD) Mika-chan, I have the fic already! Sankyuu!! XD Sakki-neechan's Satoshi short is Much Goodness, and aparently she's been *expanding* it. *leers* Happiness. Meg-oneesama has also written a tantalising bit more of her Drunk Sato Fic, *too*. *LEER*

Lessee. I've been having a very interesting email conversation with one Yuzi-dono about Hisoka recently. ^_^ Like someone on the Yami ML said, sure Hisoka has more important things on his mind right *now* (i.e getting Power n.n;) than jumping Tsuzuki or *caring* if Tsuzuki jumped _him_, and Tsuzuki's still freaked out by Muraki and possibly confused by Tatsumi >.> to even consider, uh, physical intimacy with dah~ling paatona-san, but you know whaaaat?

I'm a FANGIRL.

DAkaRA, I can have the cold hard facts staring me in the face, and I'll STILL insist on being pervetedly wrong because I feel like it. XP Yami can end with Tsuzuki and Tatsumi walking down the church aisle, Tsuzuki professing his love for Tatsumi and having it reciprocated, Hisoka sacrificing himself to save Tsuzuki or vice versa, or Hisoka falling in love with a GIRL, Lord help us all, and I'll STILL like Tsuzuki x Hisoka. I will weep and hurl grenades and live in denial for a month, but I'll STILL be running a mini-shrine to them, and I'll STILL be ficcing about them. So it doesn't matter to me if there isn't any definite conclusion (which is very likely given Matsushita's ambivalent tendencies ~_~), or if canon pairs them differently - this is Fangirldom. I love Fangirlhood, rah rah. XD XD

More homework and a unit quiz to prepare for. Bye. =_=

january 20 2001

np: Savage Garden -- Chained To You (ohmiGOD it's SOO satoshi x dark XDvv~~)

*hearts* Sakki-neechan, you and me are SO hormonally insane, oh yes we arreee. XD XD XD Minna, get your butts over to the splash page of her stupendous to-be Satoshi shrine (guess WHO inspired the image song? **XDvvv**) and nag her to hurry up and get it running. *leer* Oh, what wubly stuff to look forward to, yes indeedy....never to speak of Meg-oneesama's HP/CCS crossover XD toooo. Naaa, people actually missed me in school when I was sick yesterday. ^_^ Thanks for the lovely e-card and phone calls, bebes! You don't know how happy you made me! XD

Oh, and my Dude-O. I know you'll be reading this. Just want to tell you....I mean what I said. I still love you no matter where your preferences lie. *huug* You gotta introduce us sometime, you hear? ^_~  Just guan those jock bozos qu si! Must follow your heart! XDv Nan zi han da zhang fu or~!

Back to homework. Egeh. >.>

january 18 2001

np: Billy Gillman -- One Voice (if that kid, for Some Incomprehensible Reason, wanted to be castrated, I would tell him Alleluia and to go for it full speed ahead. what a VOICE. it would be a sin to lose it when he hits puberty. XD;;; he's absolutely the loveliest boy soprano I've heard in ages.)

To Keisha and Ting -- thanks for making doing jobs like preparing duty rosters and sweeping so much fun. ^_^ Keish, I still can't believe your parents named your poor innocent sis 'Abish'. O_<;;; pooor kiiiiid....I mean, if you say her name the way it's *supposed* to be said, fine, but 85% of the Chinese folks here will pronounce it as 'Ah-bssh', which is basically the verbal equivalent of punching someone in our local hodgepodge of dialect. Hope she isn't in a mixed school. o_o Erin-neechama, got your LOVELY etching **hearts** don't know how in Syao-chan's robes you did it but I wuv it to absolute pieces. XD my friends were SO jealous when I had it laminated. XD I'm busy. I'm stressed. I still have no time to do any of the things I want to do, like chat or do web stuff or answer mail. >_< But I am much happier than I was when I caught Sakki-neechan on a few days ago. ^^v *glomps neechama* I really am Something Awfully neurotic sometimes. >.> Bad fault, and one I can't seem to break. I'm a bona fide worrywart, yes I am. If that's what makes Jing and the rest call me 'responsible', I think I'd rather be pegged rebellious and start wearing leather collars to school. >.> The white hairs aren't worth it. (Ying, don't laugh. I just pluck them out before I go shopping with you. XPP)

Today in school:

Serena: *flipping through Advanced Biology Book II* I don't understand any of this shit. Shi Lin dear, would you mind explaining?
Me: *absently draping arm across back of her chair while leaning in closer* Er, lessee, I *did* learn mitotic division last year...
Jiehui: O_< My God, the two of you are so touchy-feely I can't stand it.
Serena: *smirking as I choke* You jealous?
Jiehui: =_= You two should go study the chapter on sexual reproduction.
Serena: Already did. XD
Me: .....*pondering whether to laugh or cry*

I've been, uh, flirting, if you could call it that, with 'Rena-luv for close to a year, but I never thought anything of it until just now. Hmm. I see lots of real cases of lesbianism (if there *is* such a word >.>) around me all the time, but I guess it just grew on me so I don't think it strange anymore. But I really don't see anything wrong with pretending to be les. XD I'm not even *doing* that actually -- anyone who heard me scream when Keish showed me the Savage Garden poster should be convinced. ^_^ I'm an affectionate person. *koffs* I enjoy hugging and leaning my head on the shoulders of friends when I'm tired. I don't do those in public, but I sprawl on everyone in private. ^^ I just think it's really sad that I can't hold a good friend's hand nowadays without someone going O_o at me. Wtf? So if A French guy kisses another French guy, they *have* to be gay? Pleaseeee. That's, like, so stereotypicalising. (I'm spending too much time with the girls from the american school here...XD;;) Geehhh, I don't care. If people must believe I'm gay, so be it. XD I astound myself with my childish idealism sometimes. *_*

Jacky: *watching me howl over Yami 9* I can assure you you're most definitely hormonal for the males, dear. >.>
Me: XD
Jacky: You're drooling. Wipe. *sigh* 

Just a note to CCi-tachi to say that I miss everyone badly, haven't dropped off the face of the earth, and not to expect me on again until perhaps this weekend. I'm beginning to catch my breath -- hopefully only a while longer and I'll be able to control my time better. ^^;; mata~~

january 11 2001

np: Metallica -- Unforgiven II // Nothing Else Matters // Enter Sandman (notice a trend here? >.>)

I'm a big fat lazy pig. >.> I'm not all *that* busy now (hey, I'm blogging XD) but I just don't feel like doing any of the things I'm supposed to do. Like perhaps making a new layout for this pita....naah. Maybe *that'll* come half a year later. <.< I'm not fussy with how an online journal looks. (oh, and Charlene, I LOVE your purty pita *glomp* Thanks for linking moi~~~)

Actually, I had one of the worst scares of my life 2 days ago. Ever heard of the Emanuel.exe virus? =_= Ahou no Niichan downloaded it from his Excite box thinking it was a game -- withOUT scanning it with Norton FIRST, of COURSE, and he opened it - and it happily started crippling our hard drive. >_<; The biggest blessing was that it didn't *remove* anything, it just *added* itself. The worst that happened was not being able to open any freaking thing except folders. Anyway, Tousan took pity on his two wailing offspring and called in a tech consultant colleague of his to fix it yesterday. Anyone just happens to know someone afflicted with the virus, just go to www.symantec.com and search for help on Emanuel.exe or Navidad.exe (a similar variant of the worm) The manual removal is pretty simple. I should know; I helped five distraught friends clear the thing today. >.> I love Tousan sometimes. Maaaa, at least everything down to the last ecchi fanart I d/led last week is intact. ^^;;

I'm not a people person. =_= I can't communicate with large crowds properly. Introduce me to folks one by one, and I generally get along well with them unless they're supercilious snobs or absolute airheads, but I am *not* adept at leading -- or trying to, anyway -- throngs. Or a bunch of 26 people who could care **** about things like, say, class spirit, initiative and unity. It's wearing me out. I should never have let Nicole and Mdm Tan talk me into monitoring. <_<;;;; At least Keish and Ting are dears to work with, and Ab *is* nice, even if I can't really talk to her either. o_o;;; fehh. I've been falling into very slight bouts of depression lately - I'm looking forward to a nice peaceful PT with squadmates on Saturday. =_= And for Ying to come over so I can cry on a nice solid shoulder instead of a saggy pillow. *_* Oneechama-tachi, where are you when I need you? *Any* of you? >.> (oh yes, Erin-neechama, I did see Lianne's note ^^; we're old acquaintances.)

'Least I finished the Commonwealth thing already....