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~PSYCHOMMUNITY~
State of mind: Dusty 
12:41 p.m. Wednesday, January 29, 2003
*dust dust dust*
*sneeze*
Damn, it's been a while. Was kinda busy... 2 Mini Projects-Web Design and C Programming. And I only like the web design one! But have to do both >_<
And straigtening out my coming soon new layout. I am bored! And I kept getting things wrong when I try to get them right. Yeah, I don't have widsom tooth, that's why.
I kicked my Big Aunt's bloody ass today. Don't understand? Nevermind, it's not meant to be understood anyway...
AND~~~~~~~~~ I actually got a hide mag for only US one dollar. Heh heh heh...
Took a quiz for fun~
What's your Style? Find out here!
Quiz made by Chesa
See you born again...
State of mind: Oblaat
09:33 p.m. Wednesday, January 22, 2003
Sweet dreams for 2 consecutive nights *drooool* Though the stuff that happened in the dreams were kinda weird (even a weirdo like me feels that it's weird o.O), but sweet n_n Maybe weirdos have weird dreams? n_n; *tapes duct tape on Su's mouth* Cannot let that fanboy know before he stalks me... *shudders*
I really feel like a walking dictionary. English, Chinese, Japanese all in one hahaha... Today, my friend wanted me to help write a letter. And end up me writing the whole thingy hahaha... The poor gal, her letter is to tell her whole class and her boyfriend that it's all over for their friend/relationship. For me, I'll just forget about it and never bring it up again. The most, if I really bump into those trash and there's no way out, I'll mutter a "hi." Period.
Had my NAPFA test today. And I passed all... except my 2.4km run! All my 5 events, I anyhow do, I can pass with a C. I put in effort for my 2.4km run, I failed BY 2 MINUTES! Grrrrrrr.... But one thing for sure, ever since I lost alot of those awful weight, I have become much fitter. I have the right motivation I guess. Well, right in my opnion at least hahaha... To you sane people, it'll be unorthodox... Not in this world anyway. No prizes for guessing who/what my motivation is... Muahahaha... *throws confetti and continues insane rituals*
See you born again...
State of mind: Of the same boat....
08:36 a.m. Wednesday, January 22, 2003
I don't think the boat can hold all of us. Might have to upgrade to a ship...
A friend called me up and cried and cried. Her whole class betrayed her. Even her boyfriend, who is of the same class. Like me, she had been made use of and discarded once she have no more make use value. Listening to her pouring out her woes is like watching a replay of what I have been through, minus the boyfriend part that is, since I don't have any...
We both gave unconditional care and concern. We both treasure friendship. Yet, it's those who we thought are friends that hurt us the most. They do not appreciate us and went a step further to backstab us. Why? Just because we helped you and now that you don't need our help, you discard us? Is that how a friend should behave? Don't expect us to continue to treat you the way we used to. Not after we know what kind of shit you are. Trash don't deserve our friendship.
But I think we should upgrade to be on the same ship. The boat's sinking due to the growing number of society's trash.
See you born again...
State of mind: Suprisingly neutral
10:03 p.m. Monday, January 20, 2003
*glomps Lingling* Found you at last my "long lost" mei! Linked ya up! *huggles*
I am a person who treat things with feelings. To me, they can feel and have a life of their own. It may sound weird, but hey, I am not sane... In some ways.
And when it comes to those people whom I detest, calling them "things" is unfair for those objects, seriously. To me at least. And I find it irritating when those "not-worthy-to-be-things" things disrupt your hard earned peaceful life. Especially those who practice "pot calling the kettle black". Though I will turn a deaf ear to those noise, it still rather disturbing. That particular thing had openly said that I am ugly. I don't find myself pretty, but I don't go around calling others ugly either. Nobody has the right to do that, regardless you are ugly or not. But hell, I had the urge to slap that thing. Why? Because it's not the first time that thing did that to me. Enough is enough. But I don't want to dirty my hands either...
Perhaps as time goes by, I'll be totally immune to noise pollution. For now, let time slowly carry out the punishments to those who haven't got theirs. Slow torture is waaaay worse than death...
See you born again...
State of mind: Misery
05:16 p.m. Wednesday, January 15, 2003
Today sux... Early in the morning, I forgot to bring my handphone when I went off to school, so I called my mum thru public phone to help bring me my handphone. When she came, I have to listen to her shit. It's not as if I wanted it! When I reached school, I noticed that I forgot to bring my html lab sheets... But that's not too bad, since I know what to do anyway. It's the 2nd lab of the day that sux big time. That mad lecturer! Last week, we have to get a 100% for REVIEW Quiz! If not, we can't leave!! This week, just because I forgot one or two units for the answers, I have to RE-DO them! And when one of my calculated and measured values don't tally, I HAVE TO RE-DO THEM AGAIN! I think she's been left too long on the shelf or something!!
But it's not all that bad today. I met Jotaro when I was on my way to the library. He pulled me over to sit and catch up, and also met Gabriel. And struggling with my rusty Japanese... Gomen ne!!!!! Sensei went back to Japan, itsu ka Shingapooru ni kaeru wakanai!!!
See you born again...
State of mind: Stoned by shock
02:19 p.m. Tuesday, January 14, 2003
I've found a Saver Tiger CD today. Saver Tiger is formed by hide and lasted for 5 years before hide left. My god, I think I can understand why hide left his own band and had no interest in music back then, other than the reason that he's too strict with his members and they kept changing members. Geez, if I were hide, I would have murdered that new vocalist already. Musically, they're really great (a glance at the lyrics sheet and all the music were written by hide. That figures.) But you can't see no future with that vocalist! But then again, that's how Yoshiki desperately called hide up and persuaded him to join X... So... Shall I be happy? But that awful singing... or screaming? That vocalist have to die... In the meantime, I'll hypnotise myself with the Saver Tiger sticker and hide trading cards included in the CD... And shit, I have a stupid 2 hr lecture at the end of the day. Tuesday could have been an off day for me if not for that 2 hour lecture. AT THE END OF THE DAY! When others are heading home, I'm heading for school. FOR 2 HOURS! Ridiculous...
See you born again...
State of mind: Miffed
10:30 p.m. Sunday, January 12, 2003
I sometimes wonder, am I too kind for my own good?
Today, when I was putting stuff into my locker, a malaysian student (her accent was damn strong) asked me how to open the locker. I verbally taught her how and continued with my packing. Then, I stayed on too see if she need more help. She's does and I helped her open the locker and taught her how as I opened it. And what did I get in return? No, not thanks, but a very monotoned "Whatever" from her. What the hell? I swear, if I haven't kept my books in my locker, I would have whacked her accross the corridor with them! What's with these foreign people? Not that I am against them or racist or anything. But it happened so many times! The other time when I was out at Lido, this American kid dropped his stuff and didn't notice. So, I picked it up and returned it to the kid. And what? He SNATCHED it from me and GLARED at me, as though I took his stuff! WHAT THE HELL?! I swear, if my mum didn't pull me away, I would have slapped that bastard and threw his stuff into the bin! Asshloes... Lousy foreign people!
See you born again...
State of mind: X
12:30 p.m. Sunday, January 12, 2003
eXtasy is born
See you born again...
State of mind: Sekai chuu no senbou wo abiyou
10:35 p.m. Saturday, January 11, 2003
Well, I'm happy, and I think I'll be envied, hence still the same state of mind... heeeeeeeeeee.......
Was out browsing... Me and Hanyi were attempting to break the glass panels and run away with the stuff we want. But I managed to persuade him to buy the X Japan badge in the end. And we were making fun of the price tag. He said "Printer error lah. Here is 4.90 later cash register say 49 dollars ar!!" And I was giggling so much, the salesgirl thought I was mad. Then, after seeing a few wristbands, I asked her when will the X Japan one arrive. She told me she have it already. It's one and only (the shop only bring in one of each item) and I bought it. Thank you Hanyi for paying half of it!! And we were making fun of the price again, saying it's 199 dollars and I'd better not wear it before someone steals it. And we walked in circles... Really dunno why. And we concluded that we must be truamatised at the insane prices. We spent so much on small items!!
And as we head back, the train before us was the train who met an accident as reported in the news. We were stuck and detoured to Bishan Depot. Good thing we managed to reach Ang Mo Kio... Then... Well, I am glad I'm home. But I feel sad for the poor lady who died on the tracks... May you be forever free up in heaven.
See you born again...
State of mind: Sekai chuu no senbou wo abiyou
08:31 p.m. Friday, January 10, 2003
Not that much coughing, finally, but still coughing...
Was roaming around alone today again but things were not bad. Went out for a stroll during my 2 hour break before going back to class. And every lesson ended quite early too.
Things could be much better if some thing didn't act concerned. I don't need no concern from an ingrate. Even more so for a faked concern. Enough of that. I'm happy that I did not step on a pile of shit in campus, though unfortunately heard it's disgusting voice. That's pretty much what's bad that happened today.
Though really belated, I now feel very hyper from the news I read yesterday. But I don't have the time to go check it out... Hey, God, if you got drop by, help me check out the plushies!! Will burn a whole pack of incense for you! Then come money problems... Geez... I haven't pay my handphone bill... Hahaha...
See you born again...
State of mind: All the way dooooooooooooooooown...
09:00 p.m. Thursday, January 9, 2003
I'm sick. Both physically and mentally. Literally.
My cough refuse to go away. It's almost a week already! And it now comes with a headache. I've coughed so much, my head is cracking.
I'm feeling very down. Perhaps subconciously, perhaps not. But I'm quite sure it's due to the fact that my only sanctuary in school is about to be gone. The only place where I feel free is about to be taken away. What else is there in school that makes me feel ok? I dunno. This sux. My friends all understand that I do not want to see a particular dumbass and they too don't want to, so we've been randomly moving about during our lunch breaks in order not to lose our appetite. But now, even my last sanctuary, my last bit of freedom is about to be taken away.
My friend's down with fever today so I'm roaming around the damned campus all by myself. My other friends are either doing attachment or hidden in other labs doing their FYP or busy with their bf/gf. Even when I read about some news that always make me hyper, I don't really feel much. Instead, I felt abit vexed. But I felt rather uplifted that a God wants to find me and spread his godly aura. Sankyuu, but I'm stuck in lab. A lab where the lecturer refuse to let us go until we get a 100% for the stupid review quiz. Even Su-chan noticed that I am not well when I made my way to my LT. Well, I'm not well since yesterday. Mentally, physically, emotionally. And I endured with that stupid headache till the end of school, which is 6pm.
Thank you Hanyi, for suddenly sms-ing me during my last hour in school and talked abit about our interest - music. It did distract me awhile from those awful things. But now, things are back to what it is since this morning.
I feel my throat hurting, my head throbbing, my eyes tearing. Why do I shed tears? Why do I feel this unexplainable emotion? What am I feeling now? I really don't know. It's not from the pain in my throat nor my head. Rather, I felt really pained in my heart. I really don't know why. Perhaps of my naive nature. Ever trusting, never doubting. That's why it hurts so much. But it's all too late. All the hurt is done. What can I do? I can't turn back time and undo everything. I can only walk on and forget. But my emotions betrayed me. I haven't totally walked out of this shadow yet. I was asked "why don't you ask why did she do this to you?" For What? It's the past and I want to forget. "To make you feel better. And even better if she apologise." As if! It'll never happen. I can only blame myself for being so naive back then. Never doubting why I was constantly contacted, no matter when, no matter what. And now, being discarded because I have no make use value. Would she ever admit that? Never. I even remember once, back then, when I asked her why she didn't contact me for so long, her reply was "because she's not a lesbian". What the hell? That's plain lame if you ask me.
So what's the point in me dwelling? I don't want to. I really don't. But why? Why am I tearing? What is this that I am feeling now? Perhaps, I'll feel better after a good cry, after I let all emotions break free after bottling them up for so long. Perhaps after that I'll be able to step out of the shadows and stop dwelling. Perhaps...
See you born again...
State of mind: Wheee
12:51 p.m. Wednesday, January 8, 2003
My Internet Computing Lab Lecturer speaks with a strong Japanese accent. I LIKE HER!!
Feel kinda bad that I slacked and checked e-mail instead of paying attention though. But hey, HTML I already know! What can I do?? And I did all the lab assignments before she finish giving instructions, so I checked mail... 45 mail in my inbox overnight. It took me about 3 hours to read/reply/delete them. That rocks man, coz all of them are replies to my thread. I started not one but about 3 to 4 threads. But... Hm... Gee, cannot imagine what will happen on May 2nd... My poor inbox...
See you born again...
State of mind: Sickly
03:33 p.m. Tuesday, January 7, 2003
Was coughing non-stop these 2 days... Yesterday was the first day of school and it sucked. As usual, my time table screwed up again. Stupid NYP forgot to include the module that is related to my semestral project and had to go places to find lecturers in charge to fix it. When it's fixed, I MISSED THE LECTURE. Now, how am I going to do the lab/project on Wednesday?! And my mondays have no break from 10am all the way to 6pm, my go home time. And The 4pm to 6pm lab lecturer is the one I want to assasinate since year one!! SHIT!
Today sucked too. There is nothing for me to do till 4pm where I go for a 2 hour lecture then go home. Geez, I wonder who planned this wonderful timetable for me...
On the bright side, I've been visiting my friend who's doing FYP in the block where that pile of shit I don't want to see most loiters but never bumped into it. Life has been peaceful... And I hope it lasts...
Lecture time... *coughs* And I hope she'll end fast... *coughs* She's in charge of my lab and tutotial as well and is a nice lady so I really *coughs* hope that she'll end early...
See you born again...
State of mind: *Boiiiiiiiing*
08:00 p.m. Sunday, January 5, 2003
Hmm... Took a look at the Walker Asia report on MAC Cosplay 2002... Wasn't paying much attention till I saw my back. Yesh, my BACK. I was in costume except for my wig, so I saw me sitting on the floor in my costume with my little pony tail and Su doing some stuff in front of me. Well, that camera man have good taste, in my opinion, because I did not see the idiot I hate at all throughout the whole 3 mins of the clip ROFLOL...
Hmm... Back to burning stuff... Wheee... HOT!
See you born again...
State of mind: Speechless
04:29 p.m. Friday, January 3, 2003
Nothing to say liao... Hahaha... And my friend wants me to be the lead guitarist in his band too... Coincidence? Freaky... I Liiiiiike...
Was out roaming around aimlessly at Orchard road today when 2 Japanese high school guys (they are in uniform) appraoched me and asked if I am a X fan and requested to take a picture with me. They noticed my X pendant apparently lolz... We did the X sign and took a piccy. Then they asked if I am a hide fan, because of my pinky red hair. Well... Obviously I am :P Oh, those 2 guys aint no bishies anyway...
Then went to window shopping... And saw first press (oh my god, FIRST PRESS CAN BE FOUND AFTER SO MANY YEARS!) hide english album. Yeah, $68 poorer now (what an irony to "window shopping")... Then took a look at the ML I am in and saw more stuff I want coming soon. Sianz. Broke to the core and these always happens. I am cursed I think...
On the topic of freaky: My Winamp is playing tracks at random. It just played a piano version of Forever Love, then my midi version of Forever Love and NOW Forever Love the song itself. 3 "Forever Love"s (though different versions) in a row! HEY! It aint even May 2nd yet! *looks around room for signs of hide visiting*
See you born again...
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