~PSYCHOMMUNITY~
State of mind: All in the mind 
Anne, I dun wanna dwell on it. It's over and I've moved on. I wanna forget that 3 days. All the death news around me is making me reflect alot, really. You should move too, ok? Shoo shoo *push Anne* And ya, life is as usual, normal, as if nothing happened at home. Ok? *strikes off all un-answered questions*
Let's juz treat as though nothing happened/it's all made up or anything... Yeah I know, itz... Gah, dunno how to say. Point is: Things are back to normal, so juz forget it.
Vexed. I have 2 more projects and deadline is nearing. Then exams... bwargh... Lectures all cancelled, labs and tutorials go on as usual. I wonder if it will push back the exam dates? Good in a way, bad in another. Good as in more time to study. Bad as in exams is taking forever to end. *stressed* Yes, I need a shrink. Either that, I move into woodbridge myself. I hate school. Hope I can clear everything and get outta there. I feel that my stay there is waaay overdue and the longer I am there, the more I wanna burn the school down.
*looks at neoprints on table*
Have to give some credit to school sometimes, even though it is so annoying. I go to school because I look forward to seeing my friends again. It's motivating in a way, but... Gah, school sux. *sigh* Rush projects/reports/presentations and mug for exams. *feels sick already* At least I can lax abit, after my friend called and say she'll pass me the C++ project tomorrow. Abit of stress gone. But, still have to do the report (--;)
I shall stare at this particular neoprint to keep me genki
akane turned into a plushie at 09:23 a.m. Tuesday, April 8, 2003
State of mind: Unknown
Mum back to her "you are useless therapy again". I juz knew good things don't last long. But it's kinda toned down, which... Is a good thing? And she made me a lunchbox, coz of the SARS. Gotta give her credit for that. And dad thinks I'm in a cult. Ok, so I am a faliure AND a cult member now. Bah.
Answering questions time...
Anne:
1. I am not possessed, just curious (seriously) and hung myself because I can't access the sharp objects (locked), there's nothing to overdose on (we don't even have panadol) and I won't die jumping out the window. Next time, I'll try whichever that requires minimal struggle and no mess... When I lose it that is.
2. He died from an accident, not suicide.
3. I am ok, but not totally ok. Dunno how to explain to you either.
4. Yeah, still a long way to go, but at least it's better than 0% ya?
5. Thanx for checking up on me too ^^
Hanz:
1. Thanx for checking up on me ya... ^^
2. I have the patience, but I don't have the time. And I think next semester is going to be worse.
3. Go get that lefty Warlock!
Dana-chan:
1. Yes, that bitch piss us both off. On for a little "torture the bitch" game?
2. Yeah, love ya love ya love ya love ya
3. You are kawaii and you know it!
4. Thanx for being so supportive ^^
Takagawa:
1. Thanx for checking on me too ^^
2. Yes, we should torture that lame bitch together too. I'm sure Dana-chan won't mind you joining in ^^
Was rather annoyed by something I read in the school library today. It's something like a autobiography. She's always lamenting this, complaining that, oh-woe-is-me. But never even attempted a single thing. One of the chapters is where she poke her nose into something which involves some one whom she doesn't know at all. And she'e bitching about it like a been-there-done-that know-it-all when she obviously don't know a thing. Well, if she don't know what's going on and all, shut up? And besides, the whole thing is none of her business too. Whatever she wrote was crap. *attempts to burn book* Well, guess there are lame people like that all over ne. And these stuff just gets me. Bleah.
Su, that door god SMS me today leh. Ask how am I and all. Did he SMS you? Yucks...
akane turned into a plushie at 06:23 p.m. Monday, April 7, 2003
State of mind: SARS - Sick And Really Sian
Woke up with a slight sore throat this morning... SARS? BWAHA... Kiddin'... Drinking water by the gallons the whole day. Look at my healthy glow! *grins*
Mum made me tempura today. "Tonight, I'll be making tempura for you" she said this afternoon, and tempura I get. Hmmm... Is this a sign of more bad things to come? Or? Whatever... I Love Tempuraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
*peeks at fairy-godfather hide pic next to me* XD
*huggles Seth* XD XD
Hmmmmmmmmmm... *peeks into piggy bank*
....$33 le~~ I am so proud of myself~~ I am 1% there le... oO|||
1%... Haiya, better than nothing!
Biiiiiiidaaaaaaaa~~ And this happens to be one of my fav character too... oO;;
You have ADD!
What is your mental profile?
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akane turned into a plushie at 07:39 p.m. Sunday, April 6, 2003
State of mind: soft soft soft soft soft
Missed Seth alot alot alot alot alot alot! *hugs Seth plushie* Sethy~
Tadaima~ It's good to be back ^^
*huggles Seth some more*
Went to town on the basis of going to school. Was in town with Miko, Satomi mama, Chibi and Jotaro today. Miko got me my magazine~ Whee~ I now have one more copy of hide-chan's postacard~ *drool*
Took neoprints with Miko and Chibi. Laughing at the results coz Miko sprinkled alot of stuff. And we made alot of anime-style backgrounds too, including in the house, outside the house, in the park and at the basketball court.
Haiyo... *pat pat Su* Nya, neko no tell me you today nothing to do? I snuck to town leh. Me bad inu... hahaha... Quizzy quizzy~
Err... Go Mother Nature... Let there be destruction?
You belong to Romantisism!! You love nature, emotion, intuition! You feel than man has gone too far, and that sooner or later nature will catch up to him (much to his dismay)! You believe that there is a Natural Law and are strong in your beliefs. Right On, go you!
Which Art ism do you belong to?
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Su, maybe you are right that I am a sadist at heart...
You are Vlad the Impaler. The man behind the legend of Dracula. You hanged your victims, stretched them on the rack, burned them at the stake, boiled them alive, but mostly impaled them.
Most of your killings were politically targeted but sometimes you killed just because you were bored. Your "reign of terror" lasted
from 1456 to 1462. Estimated numbers of victims
vary between 30,000 and more than 100,000.
Evil Evil man. Fie on you!
Which Imfamous criminal are you?
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akane turned into a plushie at 09:26 p.m. Saturday, April 5, 2003
State of mind: bwaha...
Hmm... Was reading thru the log of my ICQ with Anne... So funny... We were talking about the lady chanting on the bus.
Anne: some1 started to chant?????!!!!!
X-akane-X: yeah, she chanted something something ohm~ something something ohm~
Anne: HAHAHAHAHA thats fresh
X-akane-X: yeah, chanting on the bus... amazing isn't it?
Anne: she must think u in cult
X-akane-X: how i noe~ she did look at me a few times... i think cult
Anne: might not be lah cult ppl no have look at postcard
X-akane-X: i am staring at a witch piccy! ahaha~ and wearing skulls necklace too
Anne: i dun think cult ppl look at witch
X-akane-X: i dunno?
Anne: and your eyes must be shining sparkling wif joy and love. i think cult ppl dun do that....hahahaha
X-akane-X: hahahahaha tao yan~ how u noe
Anne: i can imagine
Anne: the lady at 1st must also think cult but your eyes give it all away hai
X-akane-X: hahaha... yeah, looking at the pic with alot of love
X-akane-X: but hor.... the lady suddenly chant
Anne: i think cult ppl no do that
X-akane-X: hey, i was looking at a beautiful witch~ who knows? cult ppl maybe they worship their own gods one leh?
Anne: but i dun think will sparkle wif love and joy bah and since when god got put on post card 1? they only symbol mah where got nice nice pic one?
X-akane-X: maybe i look like i am worshiping?
Anne: the worship is different one leh u got c ppl go temple worship the pattern like u worship hide 1 mah
X-akane-X: ahahahaha~ how i noe
Anne: comfirm no have else very the kong bu
X-akane-X: kong bu? my worshiping? kong bu meh? ahahaha
Anne: u know your type is like your eyes sparkles till can see stars shooting one wor
X-akane-X: really?
Anne: ya
X-akane-X: so obvious ar
Anne: very very very very the obvious
X-akane-X: wahahahaha~ zui gao jing jie le liddat~
Anne: blind cannot c also can feel the star shooting out
X-akane-X: wah~ can feel summore?!
Anne: can
X-akane-X: wah~ liddat zui zui gao jing jie le wor~
Anne: that time i c already till now i stil can feel when i think back. really is very gao jing jie. the happyness aura u dun know is so strong ah i ownself also have to smile wif u
X-akane-X: izzit?
Anne: u know i watch xiao xin he alway give the shooting star eyesi nv thought its was possible.but juz some tv make up one until that time i saw u then i know its possible
Anne: your the aura lah
X-akane-X: wah~ my aura so strong?
Anne: no body ever tell u that?
X-akane-X: no leh wahaha
Anne: u know hor i think when your friend c u in that mood hor they will kind of want to make fun of u one leh
X-akane-X: izzit... oh no
Anne: affected by your that aura ah n u look so funny
X-akane-X: my aura that strong meeeeh? i look funny?
Anne: ya kind of... your smile is till your ears and eyes shoot out stars
Anne: i dun know u realise or not
X-akane-X: nope~~
Anne: hahaha
X-akane-X: got so serious mah?! haiyooo
Anne: got ah at least that u let me see is so serious lah thats y its so damn obvious
X-akane-X: haiyo tao yan.... bei ni fa xian le
Hey, Su, am I that scary?! I really dunno one wor... Ahahaha... Whee... oO;
akane turned into a plushie at 09:55 a.m. Saturday, April 5, 2003
State of mind: Amusing
Feel better... Much better. Sankyuu kuroi kami... And Su and Jotaro And Anne...
Ok! Fun stuff! Miko gave me hide-chan postcard~~ Fairy-god father AKA Celebration image! WHEEEE... That was... 2 days ago?? Carry him in my file everyday whee~~ And yesterday! Something amusing happened yesterday.
I was on the way home from Bugis on bus 130 when this auntie boarded and sat next to me. I was minding my own business, looking at my hide-chan postcard piccy and listening to my music. Then, the auntie sorta looked at me and you know what? She started chanting. Yes, chanting. I wonder, is it my necklace or my hide-chan pic or both? For those not in the know, hide's Celebration fairy-god father image is a witch. And I am wearing hide's skull necklace. I was annoyed because her chanting was loud, so I turned up my music's volume a little bit. But I can still hear some muffled sounds from her. So, what did I do? I looked at her, smiled and wiggled my eyebrows. Then, went back to minding my own business.
The fun part? She took the bus with me back to Ang Mo Kio Terminal. Just as the bus turns in, she leaned abit (I was sitting next to the window) and said "It's going to rain" then continued chanting. I bet if I had my ears pierced and wear hide's skull earrings and paint my nails black, she will spray holy water at me. Bleah... Maybe I should chant back, like what Eiji said. obasan-urusai-oabasan-urusai-obasan-urusai.... Or maybe I can do hide's part... Either... But I don't wanna run into that auntie again. Eeeks...
And today skipped C++ lab. OFFICIALLY! HAHA... I had a session with Su before going to lab and, well, I looked terrible. Just as I sat down, the lecturer asked me "You look terrible you know that? Are you ok?" that drew a few looks from my classmates. And I replied "Not really" and he said "I think you better go off first. I mark your attendance already."
Hey, I really wasn't ok. And I have a slight headache. Geez... Need sleep. Going to town tomorrow with Miko, Satomi mama, Chibi and Jotaro... Whee... Far East... FAR EAST!
akane turned into a plushie at 08:54 p.m. Friday, April 4, 2003
State of mind: Confused
Last night was scary. I did some stuff without realisiing it till much later. And that is not the usual me. Everytime I do stuff, I would think. I will think alot. But last night, I did not. I didn't realise that I threw my mug out the window till the it landed with a loud crash. That shook me. I looked out and saw my mug. In pieces. In a way, I felt good. But, somehow, I felt scared too. Am I really losing my sanity?
And my sense of responsibilty kicked in way too slow. So slow, I am really scared. Everytime I have a suicidal thought, my sense of responsibility will tell me not to. Tell me that I can't. But last night, I almost did it. I did not realise my towel was already tied to my neck. I DID NOT! I usually will stop while tying it to my door. But last night, I was THAT close. I only stopped when my conscience called me and then realised that I was that far away. I am scared. Very scared.
Mum was exceptionally good to me this morning. I wonder why. Maybe she saw my towel? I forgot to keep it last night. Yes, she knew how he left. I looked out the window and saw the pieces of my mug still there. The cleaner don't even bother about it. And I kinda relate to it... Will anyone bother when I am gone?
Lunar was telling me that there are others who do not want me gone. I really don't know. I always look forward to meeting people, but do people look forward to meet me? I may be physically there with people, but I always have the feeling that I'm not there. And I feel that things won't change even when I am gone. The world don't revolve around me after all. So, when I'm gone, will they notice? Or am I like my mug?
Is my mum's "you are useless" therapy taking effect on me? My friends tell me to not bother and just be myself. I am trying to, despite my mum's "therapy". But it seems like I am losing myself. I thought really long last night, after untying myself. I thought: If freedom comes after death, how are you going to enjoy your freedom without your life? What is freedom then?
I guess the only way to find out is to continue to live, ne? And continue to keep myself sane, while I'm at it...
akane turned into a plushie at 08:22 a.m. Friday, April 4, 2003
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