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~PSYCHOMMUNITY~
State of mind: Kurenai
08:23 p.m. Tuesday, December 31, 2002
Yesh... Feeling red... A brand new year is here and I did alot of thinking... Thinking back what happened to me this year, can't help feeling red from anger. Angry at how stupid I am. Though this year was rather special, about 80% was filled with crap.
I was being used and didn't find out till much later. Though I am not the last to know, I wasn't the first either. To think that I trusted that idiot and this is how that idiot treats me. Use me as a scapegoat for everything so that it can get away with it's crimes.
As if that wasn't enough, I was backstabbed several times by that same idiot too! And now, since I've got no more "make use" value, I'm discarded. To think that I always helped it whenever I can, and even lent it my shoulders to cry on. What an ingrate that idiot is! I feel so STUPID! Stupid to think that it can be a friend. Stupid to think that it can be trusted. STUPID that it took me so long to see it's true colors.
But I feel lucky that there are friends who know that I was a victim myself and constantly gave me support. Thanks guys!
Tomorrow's 2003 already. I'll treat whatever that happened in 2002 as a life lesson and move on. Hopefully, as I make new friends, I'll be able to forget this horrible chapter of my life for good.
Cheerios for the new year!
See you born again...
State of mind: Fwee!!!
11:24 p.m. Monday, December 30, 2002
Love my DVD drive.... And setting things ablaze.... wheee!!
See you born again...
State of mind: TRUAMATISED
9:48 a.m. Friday, December 27, 2002
HOLY SHIT!! God dammit... I should have gone offline and eat my breakfast after checking my mail and not go search for cosplay pics. I saw a damn disgusting chobits cosplayer and it made me wanna puke. Holy shit! It really was that disgusting. I really was hungry initially and now I can feel my intestine knotting themselves up already. God dammit... That is the ugliest and most disgusting Chii cosplayer I've ever seen! Itchy hands!!! All I want was search and refer to cosplay conventions etc and holy shit! I have to click on a link that contains that disgusting Chii!! Just my luck I guess... God dammit, I feel like puking... Urgh... God dammit, and I haven eaten yet! God dammit, I am so truamatised now, I've lost count of how many "God dammit"s and "Holy shit"s I've exclaimed the whole morning till now. And I really feel sick... No joke. Holy shit, never under estimate the side effects of a god damned disgusting cosplayer. The last time this happened to me was when I was looking at some lousy cosplayers too but that was years ago. God dammit, history do repeat! Holy shit...
See you born again...
State of mind: Fwee....
08:14 a.m. Thursday, December 26, 2002
Mum got me a DVD drive as a X'mas present! Wheeee~
Looking at the photos taken at MAC... Heh, there's this one where I was holding the tetsusauga with one hand and posing for a very long time. That genki in-charge from Che-ez! snuck up behind me and said "WAH, know I know why you can hold me Moni-Me so steady one lah!"
Oh yeah, have to blow up the 2 Homoora piccies to ward off evil oso... Poster size! LOL~
See you born again...
State of mind: Genki
04:34 p.m. Monday, December 23, 2002
Genki alright.... PINK HAIR!
Which Stereotypical CLAMP emotion are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
See you born again...
State of mind: I AM X!
07:29 a.m. Monday, December 23, 2002
Sheesh. My very first time to a club and I'm quite sure I won't go there again. Maybe I won't hate Oosh so much if there weren't smokers there. I was choking there!!!!!!! Other than gasping for breath because of all the smoke, the bands were cool! Due to my curfew, I was only allowed to watch the first 3 bands and then head home. I was there to support my friend Mel, the drummer of LGF. His band was the 2nd band so, yeah, lucky me.
First band was Sound Blind. They were good for a 3 man band. After a string of Jrock, the vocalist/guitarist asked: "Any hide fans out there?" and I was like *wave wave ME! ME!!* and he went "AWRIGHT! Next up, hide's ever free!" I headbanged so much, my mum was afraid that I will fall off my chair. After that, they did a Luna Sea number and once again, the vocals/guitar guy asked again: "Any X JAPAN fans out there?!" I was jumping and waving! "AWRIGHT! Can all the X Japan fans please come forward to the stage area to show support!!" My friend encouraged me and so I went. Not many went upfront. They did 20th Century Boy, not the usual Weekend, X and regular X Japan songs. Way cool!
After 2 more numbers, LGF went up. Corny jokes flew between them and DJ Randolf! They did a Sex MachineGuns opening and got DJ Reona up to do the 2nd number. Then, they got their female vocalist, Emi up. She started with Ayumi's Never Ever then they did 2 Judy and Mary numbers before going retro. Gao Ling Feng! And it's the very first time I see my mum groove. LGF was cool, except that their vocals got drowned by the music quite alot of times...
Then comes La'Dies. Visual Local band. Their music's good! But the guitarist... How shall I say... Dammit, it's as if I'm seeing a very unatural hide on stage. It's very obvious that he's imitating hide's style and he's so unatural!
Me: Action packed. Must be a hide fan
Friend: hide got seh. He's just acting beng.
He's a good gutarist really. But sadly he don't have his own style. It'll be better if he have his own.
And I am so glad that the 3 bands I get to see are good! If Defuse were to be up instead of La'Dies, I will leave on the spot.
See you born again...
State of mind: STAY FREE MY MISERY
11:22 p.m. Saturday, December 21, 2002
Yay~ Finished the cosplay!
Bright and Rinka won... Rinka won 2 categories too! Whee!
And Best Team goes to Final Fantasy again.
On the whole, it was fun for me. When I just reach the convention hall area, there are a few who knew me book me for photo taking. When I was struggling to put my contact lens and applying make up, there were photo requests too ^_^
I entered Best Rivals and Best Team... Didn't win though. But I had fun! That's the main point! And glad it's over too. Can rest and concentrate on next year's cosfest.
Get it on CELEBRATION, Bring it on CELEBRATION, Get down REVOLUTION, OH YEAH, OOH YEAH!
See you born again...
State of mind: Tortured
11:30 a.m. Friday, December 20, 2002
My mum loves torturing me it seems.
TORTURE #1: She's changing my broadband plan to unlimited. BUT! Only at the end of this month! *wails* So I'm now freezing somewhere doing my stuff.
TORTURE#2: She's going to buy me a brand new electric guitar. BUT! Only when I get my diploma. Which means I have to shelve away my thoughts of changing course or the likes of it! Sheer torture!!
No pain noi gain I guess...
MAC cosplay tomorrow! Gonna be fun! Maybe I should cut down on watching hide's DVDs today, or I might end up as hidemaru tomorrow instead of Sesshoumaru. But then again... *evil grin*
See you born again...
State of mind: Complex
08:51 p.m. Tuesday, December 17, 2002
Gee, Yuanie, that is sad... Perhaps she haven't cooled down yet. People say things they don't really mean when they are not themselves. Perhaps after some time, things will be OK again. I myself have been used as a scapegoat before, been backstabbed before and even been betrayed. There are even people who totally forget about me the moment they made new friends. But that doesn't stop me from making friends. True, there are some people who can live without friends and there are some who can't. But there are times where you have to let go. It's like when you are holding on to a cat. The harder you want to hold on to it, the more it wants to struggle away from you. So, give the cat some space, some time. Maybe after settling down, it will come back to you... *huggles*
See you born again...
State of mind: I miss the blue sky...
09:22 a.m. Monday, December 16, 2002
Garion, thanx for your compliment! You did a great job too, really!
Hmmm... Since I have alot of time before I meet my friend in the afternoon, I did this quiz taken from a friend's blog...
Name: Jojo
Birthday: 20 February every year. Pisces!
Sex: Not yet! Still waiting for my prince.
Location: Singapore
What does your journal name mean: In Japanese, it means Psychommunity ~Welcome to akane's room~
Four things about you:
[out of school]
1. Hyper
2. Have weird sense of humor
3. Silent
4. Love to blast X Japans LIVES as loud as I can.
[in school]
1. Bored
2. Dayreaming
3. Wishing the lecturers I hate could just disappear!
4. Yearns to go home!
Four things that scare you:
1. Bugs (especially Xiao Qiang)
2. Losing loved ones
3. None that I can think of already...
Four things that make you laugh:
1. I am very easliy amused. I can even laugh at weird smses.
2. Funny things that I do with friends.
3. Funny things said.
4. I can even laugh at will.
Four things you love:
1. Jrock
2. Cosplay
3. Manga/anime
4. Acting as a Japanese tourist in Orchard Road. You'll be amused at how the sales people suck up to you. And the number of them too.
Four things you hate:
1. Liars
2. Backstabbers
3. Wars
4. Betrayal
Four things you don't understand:
1. Myself. I wonder why am I so weird.
2. Why did hide leave this world in such a sad way...
3. The meaning of existance.
4. Why do the things I hate still exist?
Four things on your desk:
1. A picture of hide which I could have sworn I had put it back into his shrine last night...
2. Handphone
3. Purple nail polish
4. Some notes that I scribbled but I can't make out what I wrote...
Right now you are:
1. Hugging hide-chan plushie
2. Listening to hide no Heya. hide's best guitar solo ever!
3. Missing my X Japan VCDs that I lent my friend
4. Missing my X Japan VCDs that a friend forgot to give me the other day we met
Four things you plan to do before you die:
1. Tell my mum that I love her
2. Watch all my X Japan and hide videos at one go
3. Forgive and forget
4. Make sure I'll get to see hide there...
Four things you can do:
1. Speak and write Japanese
2. Multi Lingual
3. Write poems
4. Headbang continously for half and hour
Four Things You Can't Do:
1. Avoid death
2. Go to any hide or X Japan tours
3. Sports
4. Shut out a person totally even though I really hate that person
Four People You Want To Meet:
1. hide! But....
2. Yoshiki. To whack the hell outta him for joining GLOBE!
3. Aikawa Nanase
4. Takahashi Rumiko
Top four songs people should give a listen:
1. hide - BLUE SKY COMPLEX
2. hide - HONEY BLADE
3. X Japan - SCARS
4. X Japan - X
Top four movies you watch all the time (not in Order):
1. Money No Enough
2. Stars Wars
3. I Not Stupid
4. Stephen Chow comedies
Top four things you say the most:
1. Hai?/Hai!
2. Ano.../Ano ne!
3. Nya?/Nya!
4. HOLY SHIT!
Top four most beautiful memories:
1. My dreams of hide (so send me to the nearest mental hospital now!)
2. Whenever I help out my friends
3. Whenever I felt appreciated
4. Whenever I accomplish what others think I cannot accomplish
See you born again...
State of mind: Ano... Eeto...
09:58 p.m. Sunday, December 15, 2002
Gomen Homoora... Boku chotto hayai desu ne! So looks like you have to find someone who can help chip in to buy a handphone with you! I am grateful that you still remember that I am looking out for a 8250, but... *stares at the 8250 on table*
Anyway, for that free phone bundle, you have to subscribe to a new line for that free phone. I can actually get a free 3315 along with my 8250 but I already had a subline for my dad and for subscribers under 21 they can't get more than 2 lines so I did not get the 3315 in the end. So, in the end, I still can't chip in! *grabs hide-chan plushie and runs off to hide*
See you born again...
State of mind: Get out of my way
01:32 p.m. Sunday, December 15, 2002
Endless rain, all of my heart, kokoro no kizu ni... Let me forget, all of the pain, all of the sadness...
Weekend, Weekend, Weekend, I'm at my wits end...
These 2 verses from X Japan's Endless Rain and Weekend keep going on in my mind since morning. Mood is damp and the rain ain't helping my Sunday blues. I do have a weird cycle. My mood is at it's worst on Sundays. Then it got better on Monday despite the monday blues. And as the days go by, my mood improves and it's at it's best on Saturdays. Then it will take a dramatic drop on Sunday. And I shouldn't have sang Endless Rain with Jarvis Yesterday. Now the rain refuses to stop! *sulks*
Seriously lack sleep. I should be in bed now but the problem with me is I don't do naps. I just can't sleep during the day. And here I am, listening to Endless Rain again. Might as well. Damp mood, Damp weather, slow and sad song. I could watch the PV as well! Raining like nobody's business in that PV. I could! But yesterday when I am in the mood of headbanging to that super 10 mins worth of LIVE X, I realised I lent all my X Japan VCDs to Chin so that she can have reference. Greaaaaat. And Jarvis forgot to bring my Dahlia tour and Last Live VCDs yesterday. And I don't have a DVD player in my room so I can't watch my hide DVDs too. My mood is doooooooooown the valley. And the weather is cold.
*hugs hide-chan plushie for warmth*
*sneezes*
*supports head on on hand and stare at PC while listening to Endless Rain*
*starting to have sadistic thoughts*
Oh yeah, when my mood goes real bad, I do get kinda violent. And I am proven that I am a cold blooded killer in a quiz before. I am a very simple person but believe me, my mind is very complicated. I myself also have problems understanding myself at times. I guess there IS a reason why I belong to the Psychomunnity. It just clicks.
See you born again...
State of mind: Endless Rain...
09:52 p.m. Saturday, December 14, 2002
Yup... Since it's raining like hell these few days and I'm still feeling blue, might as well listen to that song now... When I brought Jarvis to the costume shop for fitting, we have some small problems and had to wait... And wait... And wait... Till Joy's aunt told us to go eat or something and check back next week coz she's way too busy and Joy won't be back till Tuesday. So we did. While we ate we chatted alot, and my mood somewhat lifted... TILL IT RAINED. Cats and dogs too. We continued to chat and wait for the rain to stop. When it finally did, Jarvis had to go for jamming and I am waaaay too late for my sutff so we left ASAP. When I reached home, I got a call from my cousin. He said he saw me and even called out to me while I was in that nasi briyani restaurant but I didn't respond. I didn't see him nor did I hear anyone call me! I didn't know his office is in that vacinity either! And he kept saying "Got boyfriend so cannot see anything else liao lor!" And I lost count how many times I exclaimed back HE IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND!! ACK! Just my luck, I guess... And I just noticed there is a beetle resting on my leg!! *screams for mum for help* DAMMIT I AM SCARED OF THESE STUFF!!
See you born again...
State of mind: No blue sky....
09:16 a.m. Saturday, December 14, 2002
Feeling kinda down recently... And it's raining alot too... Add more to my blues... Aoi sora ga samishii na... *hugs plushie*
My dress was ok yesterday... Except we made an error on the collar part... And my friend's mum said it can't be fixed... *shrugs* Later will be bringing my kaki down for his costume fitting... And collect my stuff too... And then... I dunno... Not in the mood for anything really...
See you born again...
State of mind: Tanjoubi Omedetou hide-chan!
06:29 a.m. Friday, December 13, 2002
HaPpY bIrThDaY tO yOu
hApPy BiRtHdAy To YoU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR HIDE-CHAN
HaPpY bIrThDaY tO yOu!!
*huggles plushie and sniffles*
Kimi wa zutto boku no kokoro ni ikiteiru...
See you born again...
State of mind: SHIAWASE!!!!
08:07 p.m. Thursday, December 12, 2002
*huggles hide-chan plushie*
*nosebleeding watching hide DVD*
SHIAWASE!! BLISSFUL!! SUPER HYPER!!!
Celebrating hide's birthday with hide-chan plushie tomorrow...
Once again, ARIGATOU GOZAIMASU HOMOORA!!!
See you born again...
State of mind: Damaged
09:35 a.m. Thursday, December 12, 2002
In a good way and in a bad way... Was at Su-chan's for her to practice hide's make up on me. She somewhat shaped my eyebrows abit and all that plucking hurts! And just as we were about to start, Su-chan's sister came along and asked us what we were doing. She then took out her make up kit (IMPRESSIVE! Well, she is a professional) and within minutes, my left eye is done. She then left Su-chan to do my right eye. And it turns out... Different. And Su-chan almost blinded me while removing the make up. She put too much cream and it got into my eye.
Then I went off with Sue to meet up with another friend to source their stuff. And the news I got from my friend when we meet up was? My dress's sleeves are not big enough. THANK YOU SU FOR YOUR MISCALCULATION!! *bites Su's head very hard*
See you born again...
State of mind: SUPER HYPER!
06:38 p.m. Sunday, December 8, 2002
I finally found a brand new Nokia 8850 Gold for my mum's X'mas present!!!!! And my mum's gonna pay half of the 8250 that I'm getting! Wheeeeee!!!
See you born again...
State of mind: Hyper!!
09:16 p.m. Saturday, December 7, 2002
Was at Chin's place the whole day to make my dress. It's 99% done!!! So happy!!! We were killing alot of brain cells doing my dress and are at our wits end. Then Su-chan had to leave for her cheerleading so Chin and I continued on our own. Just when Chin was setting up the sewing machine, her mum came and took a look at our "work" and was exclaiming that we cannot make it and it's wrong. That really freaked us out! Then her mum whipped out her sewing kit and started to salvage the problem... Then she announced "YUP! Can be done!" Chin and I (especially me) were sooooooo happy when we hear that! All I lack now is the lace... Geez... Have to go to Chinatown again... But hey, my dress is 99% done!!
See you born again...
State of mind: Nemuii...
10:12 p.m. Friday, December 6, 2002
Member called up for a last minute change... So here I am screen capping like nobody's business again... >_< I don't really mind it though... Been doing that for so long, now I am an expert! It's the naggings from my mum that irks me. Everytime I try to get things done, there she is, nagging non stop...
Yesterday was quite fruitful, except for me. And all I wanna do is find a red cross pendant as close as the one hide wore. Is that wrong? They have to say that I'm fussy in front of the boss. If I wanna cosplay him, I wanna do as perfect as possible. Is that wrong?
See you born again...
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