*moans*/Sunday, January 5, 2003

Feeling a bit feverish. The flu descended on me and I'm one unhappy girl. Got tired of sleeping and decided to try my hand at a bit of editing for my fic "In the Hands of an Uncaring God Chapter 8" , but my brain started rotting when I got to the Rainbow Bridge scene. I kept wanting Seishirou to propose to Subaru instead of doing what he was supposed to do. Blame Dian , and her bit of trivia about Rainbow Bridge being such a romantic place. Gah! And yes, I shall say again, CLAMP is evil.

Don't worry, Kamitra I'm keeping count of all my imoutos - I love them all!

Xandra was last baffled at 05:53 p.m.

New Layout/Friday, January 3, 2003

Thanks to everyone who said they liked this layout. I can't claim any credit - it was done by Kouri . Huggles my newest imouto. Thanks dear!

I can claim credit for this: I got Butterfly Dreams my Fanfic Page up! Used an old layout but figured out the html from scratch. I'm so proud of myself. Now I can update regularly. ^__^

Now I have a slight cough and sore throat. I sure hope I'm not going to succumb to the virus going around my office. I think my luck may be out. ~_~

Xandra was last baffled at 06:31 p.m.

New Year/Wednesday, January 1, 2003

Happy New Year to everyone. I am NOT making any resolutions though, cos they never work. ^_^

Oh look, quizzy. I Am

Which tarot card are you?

The description goes: Ceremony, ritual and revealed wisdom. A need to conform, social approval, bonded to the conventions of society Mercy, kindness, forgiveness, compassion, conformity, a sense of historical importance, inspiration. Sometimes called the High Priest, he's the counter part to the High Priestess, but represents the wise man rather than the wise woman. He's a great teacher, advisor and counsellor and will give good advice even if it's a bit conventional in spirit. He can represent the feeling of having one's creativity stifled and is not the favourite card of the deck for the more maverick and unconventional of us.
External Meaning: Religious influence. Conformity. An inspirational teacher who revelas signs of spiritual importance. Gateways to higher consciousness reached in a ritualized way. Esoteric Meaning: The magus of the eternal. Inner teacher. Mercy. Manifestation. Energys: Taurus

I think this is rather accurate.

Xandra was last baffled at 11:14 a.m.

Fandom Rant/Monday, December 30, 2002

I've been trying to avoid this but I'm feeling a rant coming on. So here's my little contribution on what I think about the X/TB fandom. Kamitra, you are right in saying that X/TB fangirls enjoy talking, debating and philosophizing over the various characters that Clamp has drawn for our entertainment. So I have no problem with the large difference of opinion among people. I just hope everyone can keep things rational and focus on the fact that these are NOT real characters and people should be able to write whatever they wish to write, on whomever they wish to write. However I have to sympathesize with Liz that dissatisfied fangirls shouldn't malign CLAMPesque for not having stories on the other dragons. How can people possibly say it's a boring board just because all the fics there are about the so called Big Four when the people who do write other Dragons, don't post there themselves? 1. It's not the board's fault. 2. It's not like writers of other Dragons get flamed or driven out by their ears for posting there. From what I understand, no flames are tolerated at the board and the moderators do a good job keeping such things in line. 3. Such a blanket statement is so untrue. There are plenty of fics there which explore a variety of pairings and characters. In short, I think if a person makes the effort to be social, I think there's no one who would discriminate against them, no matter which Dragon they like. And yes I'm talking about you Keri as a person who is interesting to know, makes an effort to be social and has opinions worth listening to, even if I disagree with some of them. Everyone that I've met there is generally very nice, old and new members of the fandom alike.

My other point is that even if a story is about Subaru or Seishirou or Fuuma or Kamui doesn't immediately make it boring or unoriginal. In fact, there's a lot more that can be explored for those characters because they have the depth for it. I'm continuously being surprised by writers who can write about them and take my breath away with their originality. So there. I just don't understand why X fangirls are so different from fangirls in other fandoms. For example, in Fruits Basket, nobody is going to jump down your throat if you write about Akito or Ayame or Momiji and demand why you don't write about Yuki or Tohru or Kyou, or vis versa. There are just as many characters in that story, and nobody makes a fuss over the lack of fanfiction for the supporting characters in the story. It's just a unique thing I've discovered in the X fandom, not that I know all that many fandoms.

On another note, I have to applaud Aishuu for having the courage to actually set up a review board, AnimeHonesty and put her name on it, unlike some people. Go read her opinions and recs on good fanfiction. It's not just about tearing down people's stories, sometimes critique should be given for constructive purposes. So when a piece of fanfiction is good, the good bits should be pointed out so other writers can appreciate it for themselves.

Hope you didn't fall too ill. I was a bit worried about you sneezing all through our time together yesterday. I still can't get over your suggestion of Kamui as a Pedestrian - you are so mean to him, Alison . And in case you're wondering, your manga has not distracted me from writing. I was happy today cos Aishuu wanted to write. I even got going on a new fic, which has been eating at my brain lately. I've been waiting for Leareth to get online so I can actually lay it out before her. However I'm quaking because I just know she's going to tell me she don't understand it. But the muse won't leave me alone,I have to write it even though it's such an unconventional story. ~_~

Shi I miss talking to you too. Hope you get over your illness quickly. And Mizu too. Why is everyone coming down sick? Hugs to everyone.

Oh yes, Hemlocke so glad to convert you to Fruits Basket. Yes I love Hatsuharu. Did you buy the latest Asuka? There's a very nice Gouhou Drug file with Rikuou kinda molesting Kazahaya (like he ever does anything else in these colour pictures) that comes with it. ^__^

Xandra was last baffled at 08:01 p.m.

The countdown begins!/Friday, December 27, 2002

Went back to work today after a nice two week vacation. The day was immediately ruined by a perfect stranger on a bus suddenly deciding to be very rude to me and my discovery that I have till Feb 10th before I transfer to the other shift. So there, my days are numbered.

I'm missing Aishuu dreadfully. I see her rampaging through mailing lists and people mention "seeing" her to me, but I never get to sit down and have a nice long fic discussion with her anymore. Sighs. Must. Be. Understanding. I just hate that I have this timer ticking over my head as time runs out to my transfer.

I've also been thinking about a new fic. I want to explore the theme of dishonour. I've been thinking about how different people see the concept of honour differently, like why some people can make promises and then break them, while others will stand by their word, even through the most trying times. I'm pretty sure no one will understand this story, it's coming out all weird, but I think I need to write this story. Sighs. As if I don't have enough projects that need to go through final edits. I've been at a bit of a uncertain stage lately. I've been writing a lot because I needed to write, but I can't seem to get the courage up to publish anymore. I'm going through all the edits and I'm thinking, why can't I get the words to come out the way I want them? It's not quite writers block since I am writing, but I just don't have that confidence to post anything anymore.

Xandra was last baffled at 07:19 p.m.

Shopping done!/Monday, December 23, 2002

Congratulate me. I have done all my christmas shopping and wrapped my presents up. So I'm early this year. I'm usually so slow about getting this done.

Oh yes, I bought X18 today and read it all this afternoon! *does a happy dance* Alison! Did you see page 155? It says Kotori is Kamui's most important person! Waaaaaahh, how can Karen say that! What about Subby? Talking about Subaru, need I say one more time how absolutely gorgeous he is? *swoons*

Went to the cosplay with Alison. Yes that was a sadly hilarious rule: "Please refrain from any public display of undesirable behaviours, such as vulgarities or homosexuality." *shivers in disgust over the grammar in that statement* Another rule: "Katanas are to be kept sheathed" Well all I can say is that there were a lot of large swords being waved about there. Really upped the testosterone level in the place.

*coughs* Get back to that fic Leareth before I burst with impatience! My lips are sealed. ^_^

Okay here's my LOTR-TTT rant. Quick, avert your eyes! What I didn't like: Aragorn is not a flirt, why was Arwen even in this movie, and Faramir is not a jerk. Okay, now what I liked: Just about everything else. Ents are cool, so is Gollum. I never saw him that way before, so sympathic and expressive. It was a great job for the movie makers. I also loved the idea that they ran for days and nights without rest all the way to Rohan. That's just so cool. Oh yes, Legolas! Backwards flip onto horse! Sliding down stairs! *fans self wildly*

Finally, I'm still flabbergasted over your revelation. I won't say anything here, save that I wish the best for you, always. Hugs. *now goes off to stew over it for a bit*

Which Stereotypical CLAMP emotion are you?
brought to you by Quizilla Erm,this is so me - I AM Angst!

Xandra was last baffled at 12:24 a.m.

Fic posted!/Thursday, December 19, 2002

I finally finished that edit of Paradigm Shift but failed to find the patience to wait for Aishuu to come online. So decided to post without her. Hope she won't mind. Anyway here it is: Paradigm Shift Chapter 5

Much thankees to Kouri for giving me Garasu no Kanbase from the Yami soundtrack. It's absolutely wonderful. Wow. I can totally understand why you like it so much.

Nothing else has happened this week. My brain is partially fried and I'm down to a last christmas gift to buy. The shopping malls scare me.

Xandra was last baffled at 11:20 p.m.

Thanks for all the encouragement!/Monday, December 16, 2002

Thank you everyone who offered me birthday wishes. I really appreciate it. I do hope I shall have a nice year ahead despite being afraid that I might not. I certainly hope I shall be able to continue being social, since I DO NOT want to give up contact with any of you!

What I got for my birthday: One plushie, one Amethyst pendent, one set of crockery (very strange gift) and one bag and a bottle of wine, which I shall drink one night soon and get sloshed over. Plus I treated myself to blueberry cheesecake, which was good. I don't get to eat such treats often as I have to watch my calorie intake. ~_~

I really can't make head or tail of that synopsis for Mirage of Blaze, Alison. Anyone out there knows what this story is about? As for your question, I only played a bit of Golden Sun last night, not enough to get very far yet. The characters talk a LOT! On another note, when you figure out what that book said about onmyoujitsu, you can tell me since I cannot possibly understand all that Chinese language analysis *peeps shamefacedly at Alison*

and special thanks to Shi for her virtual flowers. Too bad AIM is not working good for you.

Good news is that Paradigm Shift Chapter 5 is finally in the last legs of the edit. Therefore it looks like it shall be posted later this week. Yay!

Xandra was last baffled at 10:13 p.m.

Distressed!/Saturday, December 14, 2002

Well I've had some terrible terrible news (terrible to me at least) that in effect means my time with Aishuu-dearest will be severely curtailed. I am just so horribly upset at the thought of having to give up my social life online and retreat to fandom hermitdom whether I want to or not for much of the next year. The thing is I shall be forced to work the graveyard shift at my office, which in effect means they stick you there and forget about you for years on end. I've done it a few times before (like one or two days at a go) and I always get so physically ill at the end of it. Literally, I get gastric. So I'm definitely not looking forward to suffering in this way for the foreseeable future. *cries*

*Deep breath now* All this brings me to a strange realisation. Now that the idea that I may not be able to write as consistently with Aishuu is sinking in, I've realised how truly precious our time together has been. She's helped me see that writing is fun and fulfilling. Working in a team with her has been one of the best things that have happened to me this year. *sobs some more* Of course there is our daily chatter about inconsequential things and her allowing me to cry on her shoulder when I need to. (That's how Paradigm Shift was born!) Though we have never seen each other, I think I can count her as one person whose friendship I never want to give up! *wails, laments* I had not fully comprehended how difficult it is to find a good writer and friend to team with consistently. She has Ger too and I'm truly happy at her fortune in finding him as well.

Anyway enough with the angsting. I know I cried on your and your shoulders, since my time with you two will be curtailed as well. I just hope I shall be able to work around my schedule and find a chance to talk consistently with you. I think no one else shall miss me much, except maybe Lyra. Sighs.

Xandra was last baffled at 05:31 p.m.

So much to do!/Wednesday, December 11, 2002

I've been feeling really rushed for time this last week. There has just been so much to do but apparently so little time to do it all. First I really have to get that edit of Paradigm Shift 5 done, plus there's my major reconstructive surgery for Living For You 8 to complete! I'm a little depressed that I ended up accomplishing very little this week instead. Instead I'm having far too much fun talking to people! ^__^ I shall NOT feel guilty! Anyway Aishuu-dear is ill, so we got very little done this week. Other things on my plate: I want to watch Pet Shop of Horrors! Huggles Aishuu for feeding me anime.

I looked at that new Yami art and cried. They were so awful. What happened to Tatsumi and Tsuzuki??!! I have no idea how you could have paid good money for them.

Yes Kim! Sasame is extremely bishie. But I don't know if I'd go so far as to cross him as Subaru... Sub is just so much more... delicate, I have to say. Sasame kicks ass. Whee!

Oh Dian you never heard of Noir? It's boring. I yawned through the first 6 eps and gave it up. It had such a good premise but went nowhere slowly, such a pity.

And Shi you change layouts far too often for me to keep up. Not heard from you in ages. *Pokies*

Xandra was last baffled at 08:36 p.m.

Sisters unite!/Tuesday, December 10, 2002

Spent a tiring weekend clearing out stuff for a jumble sale and sat about all of Sunday totally unhappy with having to help out at the sale. I hated it and I hated the crowds and that made my family unhappy with me as I wasn't helping out. But I am just no good at selling things. Sighs.

Glad I was able to get a chance to introduce you and you to you. Quite a family gathering. Too bad Sakura-chan missed the chance.

I watched Gatekeepers 21 today. I liked the opening song but I had a lot of questions. Will try to remember the next time I see you. Call me when you're free?

Now I have to go rework Living For You Chapter 8. I hope I can do a decent job of it. Frightened now...

Xandra was last baffled at 12:44 a.m.

Lots to say!/Thursday, December 5, 2002

First up - A BIG HUG to my imouto Leareth. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Tosses a virtual chocolatey sweet over.

This is a conversation I had with Aishuu.
Aishuu: I'd like to do bondage... light bondage
Xandra: sure
Xandra: anything for you. I shall do my best to oblige.
No there's nothing kinky going on between us. We were discussing lemons for Seishirou and Subaru in Paradigm Shift! So for those following the story, that's something to look forward to. *g*
and yes check this picture of Hokuto-chan in Paradigm Shift chapter 1. Our first fanart thanks to Hika-chan who is a great and wonderful artist! Huggles!

runs by with a quick glomp to Kouri for letting me link her.

Lastly new and wonderful information that I learnt in chat. I found out today that Sakura can be made into tea and jam. So technically, one can eat Tree-san! Or have Tree-san for breakfast with Toast! *dies laughing!*

hope you're better soon. By the way, I'm working my way through E'S thanks to Alison. It's a good story. It's the pretty picture that you liked on MD's blog.

Xandra was last baffled at 11:09 p.m.