Monday, January 26th, 4.02 a.m.

I just found out that Fearless is cancelled. Dammit! I was so looking forward to that show ever since I saw the pilot! It made me buy the books, because I liked it this much. Alright, so then I learned that this Gaia is not really like the show Gaia, but did I really care? Nope. It had Ian Sommerholder in such a sexy role, and now I'm never gonna see him again. *sniffles* It's really evil, why would they cancel it? Everything good gets cancelled. *pouts*

Hum, they showed the Golden Globes here for the first time since ever, and I missed it. *lol* Well, the first 3 hours at least. But so far it's booooring. 20 minutes on how great Michael Douglas is? *raises eyebrow* But at least Peter Jackson just won best director.

Anyways, Sven just told me today how he'd still keep the new harddrive plugged in, because he'd rather format once or twice a week instead of waiting 5 minutes till he can go online counted from the point of it restarting. Well, everybody his own... I told him he can plug it in on Saturdays, 'cause I don't fucking care anymore. It ate up my time! Formatting and re-installing: at least 2 hours a week, the time I lost when it crashed and I tried to get it to work again, say 30 minutes a week, the time I lost when the explorer just froze while I was on: at least 15 minutes each day. And do I really need to count all the time I lost when installing stuff wouldn't work either and I had to format, or when it froze when I deleted/moved something? No, I don't think so. *rolls eyes*

Sven is just a very, very weird guy, But well, since it was mostly me who did the formatting and shit, he can easily say that it's a better drive. But look how many fls I could finish with my old one now. And it stays. *nods and pets harddrive* - I can pet it, since it's still lying outside on my desk. *lol*

Alright, hm, I need to write the tutorial for WinAmp skins... made screenshots with my last skin. But hm, I really just want to do another skin first... Maybe with Colin Farell, since all I did lately were women.

Thanks Diane, and Jen. I'm really glad you like the layout. I'm gonna change it soon though. Will most likely become an One Tree Hill layout... And hey, do I know you? You didn't leave a website link.

Monday, January 19th, 5.54 p.m.

Sooo, you won't believe it, but last night the comp died on me again. At around 6.20 a.m. AIM closed, then I had a Taskmon error and then everything else got errors and closed too. I reseted and then my explorer made an error everytime it was finally loading the programms again. Six times. Then I tried to start in secure mode to at least send Zia a message, but t-online told me some data was faulty. So I gave up, took all my courage together and switched back to the old drive myself.

And it worked without me getting a stroke from the drive, or the drive getting a stroke from me. *lol* Wee! It just crashed down a little hard because Sven had screwed in some hard-to-reach screw he had told me he'd never screw in again, so I only noticed when I had unscrewed all the others but it wouldn't budge... *coughs* But if I permanently damaged it now, at least it's gone for good.

Sven even screwed shut the damn tower thing! He never did that! I guess that was his way of saying "the new harddrive works and it stays in. Point." Oh, well, we saw how long it worked. I bet I'll have to format again when I re-plug it. *sigh* It's really just eating up my time. I had wanted to finish my fl yesterday the very latest! *whines* And I can't really start working much now either, because the old drive will get unplugged again. The question is just for how long. But eh, I can upload, so I'll do what I did before. Check my own source codes once they're up to get them on the other harddrive again.

Anyways, oh, so this was the movie you had been talking about before, Diane? I wasn't sure. And you have it on DVD? I saw it in the movies! Well, I guess Colin only got a little famous around here after SWAT. Stupid ignorant Germans. ;)

Monday, January 19th, 3.37 a.m.

Guess what... *lol* no, nothing crashed today. But ny now I see it this way: The faster it crashes, the less I lose. ;)

But anyways, what I had wanted to blog about yesterday before I got home was the new movie I saw. The Recruit. At least I think that's the name, I'm too lazy to look it up now. The new movie with Al Pacino and Colin Farell. It was very good! Of course at some point you thought to yourself who was playing with whom, but then again they had scenes when you doubted it again. And hey, anyways, I'm thinking and Colin movie is a good movie. ;)

And wasn't he in that critcially-acclaimed one nobody saw? Tigerland? I might mistake it, but some war movie? I really want to see that one as well. Same with Phone Booth that was only in the movies for one week, and then for 2 only after 10 p.m. Weirdness, but eh, sometimes it's evil here.

Connections. Kris Lemche, the Cute Guy God from JOA is in State's Evidence with Majandra. Very funny. Makes me look even more forward to the movie. And he was in Nikita and some other movies I saw. I only realized that now when I checked imdb, because I was gonna apply for the fl. Got it approved today already. Yes, there goes my New Year's resolutions.

Something else funny happened. Someone must have plugged my Le Prince Bleu fl on soem French page/message board because I keep getting 6-8 French members joining each day since yesterday. I never had as many on a single day for an fl so far. It's really cool. And I even think Franck himself, who does those gorgeous Arkanium layouts joined, but I'm not sure. Maybe someone just faked the name. *shrugs* I had a Mike Lowrey join Bad Boys and several Maria's for Roswell fls... But either way, as long as I don't get sued I'm happy. ;)

Saturday, January 7th, 10.20 p.m.

Obligatory question: Guess what happened today? Yes, you guessed right. Sven killed my comp. Again. With the same torrent that killed it a few days before. Funny, no? He was glad I wasn't here. Grrr. I again only found a nice post-it on my screen, but I already guessed it with the mess on my floor consisting of CDs and the windows mag. he never cleans up, mind you. Why should he? It's my room. That's also why the door was wide open, so all spiders could come in here, after I left it close, and stuffed with towels all week. Oh, well. And hey, why not risk the torrent again? It's not his computer, is it?

I'm smiling. Yes, I am. Like Jack Nicholson in The Shining. *sharpens ax* ;) But heck, only lost one PM. I was smart enough to save the other 3 new ones in my text editor yesterday, the other arrived later. And my cookies and settings of course, but eh. This time Sven lost his time. Only fair.

It was obviously a t-online error now, and after that it wouldn't work anymore, so he formatted. Now I'm guessing that this is what happens over night too, just that there is nobody to do something about it, click on the question that will appear, or make the blue screen go away, whatever it was, so it freezes and kills itself and kills Windows. Large music torrents (2-4 GB). I never dl those for myself.

Anyways, I've been sick too the past 2 days. Felt like I have to puke any minute. My aunt and brother got it, but I'm fine again today, just a little queasy after I eat something. But I think this at least passed me with no real 'outbreak'. *phew*

And oh, I was gonna head over to the KC message board to finish saving the RPG, or better start again, since I had lost the first few pages that took me a few hours to save, format into fic-format and spelling check in one of the former crashes, but whoops, I was too late and it's all gone! *whines* All gone! Why not just fucking close it? No, all deleted! Argh! I had wanted to put the previous parts up on Indecisive and then link to them wherever we would have started again, preferrably KR. But oh well, not like Val has posted since Christmas, so I guess nobody wanted to play it anymore anyways. Still sad though. I hate losing stuff, especially anything written.

Alright, I'm gonna make me a sage tea now, burn JOA from last night and then lie down and watch it. Maybe kill the comp, because it's so very frustrating lately. But the good stuff is still predominantly (<-- if that sounds weird, I looked it up). And oh, speaking of the good stuff, I could adopt the Katie Heigl/Jason Behr fl. :) They are such a cute couple. Aynone knows if they're still together though? I checked imdb and wireimage, but the last pics of them I found are from 2002... *pouts*

Wednesday, January 14th, 6.54 p.m.

Today was another fun-filled "we format the comp" day. Because guess what pleasant surprise I had today when I went to check on the comp and had to press reset because everything was black after the night? "No system found". Wee. Soo, formatted it all again, started the back-up, went downstairs to get food because my aunt was sick and didn't cook, Sven bugged me, when I came back up again another black screen, most likely because I wasn't there to answer the questions the back-up gives you from time to time, so restarted, nothing worked at all, formatted, and started the back-up again. Always after re-installing windows of course. GAH!!!

I'm so gonna fucking scream! And now I can be sure it's gonna happen again. Because it was the fifth time. Or so. Sven says it might be because it gets too hot. And it gets hotter because it's faster than the old hard drive, so, it is the new hard drive's fault. Which means, I'm gonna save my stuff and then switch back to the old one yet again. *re* But this time I'm gonna keep it.

Anyways, my last hope, I installed the anti-virus program. Will let it run in an hour, when ER airs, because I don't work on the comp during this show anyways. And it always takes 2 hours or so to run. But oh, I just realize, maybe I just let it run over C:... D: is way larger now, so it's gonna take 3 hours... so yeah, only C: for now. That's where the programms are. Can always still add D: later. I guess. I'll see...

So, what did I lose? Not many e-mails, luckily, but the JOA caps I did from the last ep. But it weren't many. *phew* And now I'm glad that I was too lazy to completely cap ep 4 to make codes for my next fl.

My father bugs me on the phone and I have so not the nerve for it today. Blah, blah, blah. My shoulder hurts from having the phone between it and my head so I can type. *lol*

Hum, yeah, so again no working on fls for today... Unless I work on another. Because I'm not gonna cap and lose them. It really, really just sucks.

And I had another e-mail bouncing back. And fuck! Now I know what I lost! The bounced e-mail addies. But eh, wouldn't ahve kicked those people anyways. I maybe wanted to check their URLs for new addies, but eh, less work for me now.

But all in all, I am happy for having saved the fic on D:, and for just having made a backup 2 or 3 days ago. The computer is still a piece of shit though. And I've lost a few hours. *deep sigh* And god damn, I wish my dad would just hang up.

Tuesday, January 13th, 5.59 p.m.

Enetation sucks. I tried leaving a comment to Diane's comment for about 2 hours last night, then gave up and saved it in my editor. Now it finally worked. But it's really frustrating since I know it also happens that others want to leave a comment for me and it doesn't work. *sigh*

Anyways, I send out moved e-mails to members of the Rath fl. 56. And 15 bounced back to me as undeliverable. That's a lot, isn't it? But well, considering the fl is rather old, I assumed some would fail, but 15? :(

The comp is spazing too. Suddenly Nero wouldn't burn anymore and then it didn't recognize my CD-rom drive and the burner anymore. Then sometimes it does, then again not. Depends on how it feels when it reboots. Or whatever. It really just is a general piece of trash.

Heh, I'm watching Nick Knight, the Pilot. And it has another actor than the real show! So weird. But I know the story... So they either re-filed it, or I just forgot that it originally had a different actor in it. Long time no see. It's a show about a vampire cop and now obviously out on DVD.

I've been busy yesterday. Changed my sheets, finally ironed my handkerchiefs (around 22, took me almost an hour. *lol*) and then I finished my Jordan fl, made a new layout for the e-cards page, uploaded the old Valentine's Day e-cards and made a JOA Valentine's card and decided to open a JOA e-cards page soon. :)

And no, I didn't sleep. The day before i thought up a Rath/Maria/Michael smut trilogy and I might even write it. But you know me, believe it when you see it posted, and only then. ;)

Monday, January 12th, 4.34 a.m.

I can't wait till Joan of Arcadia gets aired in other countries as well so I can really talk to you about it. It's such a great, great show! I think it's almost better than Roswell. The stories at least. It's just missing Brendan and Majandra. *sigh* And alright, Max and Tess too. Okay, so no, it's not better than Roswell for me, but the stories are better written. The last ep had me crying twice only to have me laughing out loud in between. It's just special.

And they have Amber Tamblyn. I didn't know her before, but she's an amazing actress. She's so natural, bouncy and cute. And she makes so many funny faces, but it never looks like she's acting.

Anyways, what also impressed me was The Last Samurai. Everybody go watch! I liked it better than Return of the King, because it had more meaning. So maybe you can watch Return of the King 10 times and The Last Samurai not, because Lotr is more entertaining and well, fantasy, but still, The Last Samurai impressed me more. It showed how Tom Cruise's character slowly developed and how he changed from broken drunkard to someone who's finally realized that following orders even though you know it's wrong is not the way to live your life.

And Tom is one of my favorite actors. I don't care at all if he was mean to Nicole, if he's actually gay or impotent or a closet transvestite, he can act, and nobody can prove this wrong.

I also really liked how the relationship between Tom and the Japanese woman developed very slowly and they didn't just f.uck the second time they saw each other, like it might have been in some other movies. They didn't share more than a chaste kiss, but they had so much tension between them. Great shots and camera. I bet it gets an oscar nomination for that. And for Tom of course. And best movie and costumes. And maybe set design, or whatever this oscar is called.

Go watch it!

P.S. I consider the Rath fanlisting finally open now, since I got approval from Savy. :)

Friday, January 9th, 7.01 a.m.

I am so sick of smut! It's at the point again where I feel like I'm doing nothing but writing the same thing over and over and over again. We're at page 101 of Virtual Affair and it feels like at least 70 pages of it is smut. Or prelude to smut, or the afterglow, which is also a prelude to more smut. *lol* I really want to continue with the actual story, but we can't skip either.

I spoiled the fic. It's my damn no-skipping style. And I just know we'll get less and less feedback, because what will you say? It gets stupid to always write "Oh, I hope they'll find out soon", if they didn't even after page 100... *coughs* And I for one always have problams fbing smut. I mean... "Oh, very nice scene, I liked how he took her from behind. Gotta try that one out with my boyfriend next time." *lol*

I wish I had the boyfriend to actually do that though. I don't think I'd be complaining about too much smut then. ;)

Anyways, it's late. And I can't sleep. My naps are always short too and I wake up at least an hour before my alarm clock rings. Usually I sleep an hour longer, so now I'm always missing 2 hours. No wait, more, since I can't go to nap as early as usual either, because Sven is home, sitting at my comp and driving me absolutly insane. You should see hom browsing though Suprnova files. He doesn't scroll till he finds something interesting, he stops at every second file wondering loudly "Oh, what's this? And oh, they have that? And oh, I never heard of that before. And this can't be out yet, has to be a virus. And uh, what's this?" And I have to stand beside him because he's sitting on my chair (only one in my room) in front of my computer. ARGH!

World Idol. The CD by Kurt Nilsen is very good. He has a great voice. It's so unique. And I didn't know Kelly Clarkson had a song on the Love, Actually soundtrack. I saw the vid today and now just listened to the song again (usually I only chose the Sugarbabes, because the whole CD isn't really that great) and it's good too. I like it much better than what she sang at World Idol. *shrugs* Kurt is still better though. Makes me want to listen to more music from "up there" again... Espen Lind and hm, I had this great CD nobody new... It was red. *lol* Damn. My Cd player is still broken though. Nobody can blame me for dling MP3s, it's my only way of getting to listen to music! But damn, what was this other guy's name again? ... Okay, this bugs me now. Will have to search through all of my CDs tomorrow. Hopefully it's even among them and not in another pile somewhere, since I always had it in Mainz.

Wednesday, January 7th, 3.14 a.m.

So, news from the harddrive of hell: It's still not working. Two days wasted on this shit. I had to reformat it again quite a few times. This time Alcohol 120% made it crash, oh, say 3 times. Grrr. And it's still not running with it. I have no idea why, but whenever I install the official demo from their page at something something (check google) it won't start up anymore. ARGH! But it ran so smoothly with my old harddrive! And it runs fine downstairs at Sven's comp. So now I seriously hope the stupid new Nero 6 Sven insisted on installing at my new drive rather than my old, paid and trusted Nero 5.5. can burn image CDs again. If not I'll accidentally spill water over the new drive or something.

But well, it's still not working since not all of my data is on it, because it took so damn long to transfer stuff, so we have to finish this tomorrow. *sigh* And it's still not proven crash free... Seriously, I don't trust it at all.

Anyways, the new layout for Indecisive. I had been thinking of making a Fastlane layout with pics from the 3rd last ep, I think, where Billy plays the porn star and she and Van have to get a scene on, because this was just too damn funny and tensed up. But I didn't get really good pics to use, but instead found a couple nice ones of Tiffany Thiessen. I'm trying a WinAmp skin later, I think. :)

But alas, all went wrong this morning when I uploaded it. It stored half of it in other folders, or not at all. Screwed my Panacea fl - and I seriously hope it was just this one! I have yet to check them all... - and whatnot. I have no idea how that could happen. It never stored stuff in folders for me unless they were opened.

And I had forgotten to change all fl "back" links, since I changed the collective system. *lol* And oh, some of them were with old info because I forgot I worked on it with the new drive before it crashed, and then didn't get a chance to transfer it to the old one and blah, it just all went wrong. So I hope nobody browsed it this moring between 7 and 8 a.m. *lol*

And over all of this shit, I almost forgot that it would have been my mom's b-day on Thursday. But that's a good thing, I think. I kept dreaming about her lately though. She's coming back home from vacation/the hospital or somewhere else, one time she even came back from the supposedly dead, saying it was all a mistake, and it all ended up with us moving back to our old apartment. Those dreams started after Sven was here for a while without leaving, so I think they're basically about me wanting to move out here rather than me wanting my mom back. Because in none of them she moved in here with me. *lol* And well, I actually think I just want both.

And anyways again, I always forget to upload the great card Jo made for me, and now will postpone it again. *blushes* And I always forgot to say that I've gotten her christmas present on the 31th already! That was damn fast, because she said she had send on Monday. She send me chocolate thingies too. :) Very, very yummy. I can't understand how people want German chocolate. So far what I've got from outside I liked way better. ;)

And I got a lot of more stuff but my fingers itch and my head hurts. Couldn't sleep for more than 40 minutes. *sigh* Damn fucking harddrive shit. And I owe her an e-mail, so more later. If I will be able to get on with the new drive tomorrow after my nap, which I'll hopefully finally get again.

Monday, January 5th, 3.58 a.m.

Sven had switched drives all week and now insists that tomorrow we switch for good. :( I don't want to! I just hate it that he doesn't listen. It's my computer, dammit! But nooo, it bugs him to wait a minute till it starts up on the Saturdays he's dling here. I just hope it'll run smoothly now. If it again always hangs up for a minute while I'm browsing/burning/copying/deleting, in short, doing anything, I think I'll try to insist on getting the old one back. *nods*

Anyways, the Hatelistings have closed. :( Very, very sad because I liked that place so much. Now I applied at thl.org, the place that was responsible for their closing. *sigh* I hate their layout, I hate the way they list stuff (alphabetical, not by show) and I don't much like the owner. But it's the only place to get listed now. And hey, maybe the other staffers are nice. Whatever. I shouldn't blog about it in case they check it. *lol* But I don't care. I didn't get my members through the listing anyways, but through ezboard-sig links. But it's nice to be listed somewhere. *shrugs*

In between switching drives and sitting here frustrated and mad, I made a new layout for Indecisive, which isn't up yet because I've changed a few things in the menu, and I am very proud of my Martina fl, Majandra's character in Shriek. I really like how the layout came out this time, which is like a first for me.

Another page where I hate the layout, or well, no, just the link settings by now is the finally "finished" Rath fl. Finished meaning that I took over (almost) everything Savy had up, checked the links and affiliates, and added some new links. Now maybe I'll do some new buttons, because working with Rath pics shall be lots of fun. :D And will start looking for more fic and fanart.

It's not really officialy opened yet, in case you wonder, because I'm waiting for savy's final approval. But you trusty blog readers, or shall I say reader, can already browse it and tell me if you're also bugged by how you can't read any links or maybe if there are errors I overlooked, like dead links (to pics? I didn't check all those again.) or maybe old e-mail links with Savy's rather dead old addy.

My cold is finally better, still not right though. But my tooth started hurting a lot. Good thing my dentist is back again tomorrow and I also finally got the approval back from the insurance so they can start working on it. They only pay 60% though. I wonder why I pay those assholes 120 euro a month. And please note that it's the cheapest "membership" they have, what with me having no income. What do they do with all the money? Bastards.

Friday, January 2nd, 4.50 a.m.

Happy New Year! It didn't start too well for me. Last night was nice though. I watched TV with my aunt and ate. *lol* But today I just don't feel right. My allergies are acting up, most likely because I spend too much time outside yesterday - and by outside I mean the living room with all it's dust and flowers and smoke coming from downstairs everytime my brother leaves the door open - and because I didn't get much sleep. Couldn't nap and then my aunt wasn't sure if she told me I could sleep out today (she did!) and so she woke me up. Grr.

Sven wanted to switch the harddrive again but I said no. He already did that yesterday and I was without my good comp for over 3 hours. It just bugs me right now. I have so much to do and just no calmth to play with the faulty drive.

And it's only gonna be a mess again with transferring my data and all. *sigh*

But anyways. Kurt Nielson won World Idol. :) That's cool. Peter got 3rd place which is very nice, 'cause I called for him. And Kurt did have the strongest voice of all maybe. Even though I can't help thinking many called for him just because the judges were so mean to him.

But I just loved Kelly's face. People who get hyped up the most fall deep. And with the way she was "happy" everytime she "only" got second rank, she just deserved it. I didn't like her much before, now I'm not even interested in hearing more by her. *shrugs*

It was funny, today the German judge was back and she ranted about Will, saying she was disappointed in him. He apparently didn't take the whole thing serious and wouldn't give any interviews and was just an ass to the press. She said maybe he decided to concentrate on England first and screw international popularity. Oh well, I don't need him in our charts.

And speaking of charts, Victoria's new song was rather bad. Sounded like something Kyle rejected. Or maybe a Kylie B-side. And Victoria's playback was just mean and not in sync at all. *shakes head* I really liked her single last year, but this just sucked.

Then we got to hear a new song by Vanessa, but I guess all other countries either got nothing or another song by one of theirs at that time. I have to say I was impressed by her. She was the 4th last year and I didn't really like her much back then, but she improved a lot. She sang a very nice ballad. :)

Oh, I want to make a new layout for Indecisive, but I'm afraid to plug in my new scanner, because just a webcam screwed it for Jo, and I can't lose my good old harddrive too! :( But nobody fucking uploads the new Inhumans at Suprnova so I must scan myself... Dammit. Maybe I'll make it Atomic Kitten then. *lol* I'm obsessed! I even made my first non-Roswell wallpaper in ages. For now, if you're interested, it's HERE.

Saturday, December 27th, 4.47 a.m.

My cold has gotten worse again. My nose is just so damn stuffed, it doesn't even open just a little in the times it's running. *sigh* And it's worse when I'm "home". I've been almost all day at my dad's and it was better, but back here I also can't breathe. Which is caused by allergies, I assume. Since I am allergic to a) the tree, b) the flowers standing around at the moment and c) and most importantly the damn dog of my brother's friend that they left running around here on Christmas Eve, because - to quote my aunt - "Let me feed the doggy! It's not the poor dog's fault that you're allergic to him." Yeah, well, no. But it's the f.ucking families fault for completely not caring and letting it up here, where they have carpet everywhere. And it's a large dog with long hairs.

So I spend most of my time in my room since yesterday. When I'm not at dad's. But still, I have to get out from time to time to make fresh tea and stuff. *sigh* I need to move out of here within the next year, or they'll have killed me.

But, on the happier side, it was great at dad's! I got so many great presents! A coupon for the gas station, a large pack of these alcohol filled chocolate that I love so much, 24 surprise eggs - and I already got 5 LotR figures, wee! :) - and plush mice. Three! :D A very small one that I actually already bought myself over a year ago, but so what? Then a plush pencil case with a mouse's head on it, and a very large one that's the softest stuffed animal I ever touched. It made me so happy! And so made up for the crappy x-mas here.

Some of you might not know this, but I collect mice. And I love stuffed animals - the next best thing to real ones that I can't have because of the allergies. But in the last years dad always tried a compromise and bought me "sophisticated" ones, that aren't soft and just to place somewhere and gaze at them. But now he finally gave up on his stupid "what's your age again?" *lol*

And he was happy about his presents too. He really liked the sweater I bought and already wore it all day. He was a little 'eh' about the Lotr: Fellowship of the Ring vid that I had ordered him last minute, because he wouldn't have the time to watch, but just last week he asked me if I could tape my DVD onto a tape for him. (Sven said it won't work because they're copy protected btw.) But whatever, he was happy about the sweater, so it's all good.

And I'm gonna spend the next 2 days at his place too. Saturdays, and this Sunday is the one where I eat at his place as well. So hopefully my cold will get better too. I've just now started taking this other kind of pills, that is to free the nose and all the channels, but not like the evil, evil coughing drops. And I took that before and never had any side effects. Should have maybe started sooner, but that everything is stuffed only started yesterday.

And oh! I got very yummy chocolate from Diane! It already smelled so great on the 24th, and yesterday I ate one, and damn! The only good thing coming from England these days. Almost made up for Will. Almost. ;) *lol* No, they taste really great. It's my b-day in February, did I mention that yet? :p

Thursday, December 25th, 10.05 p.m.

Christmas sucks, that's all I'm gonna say for now. I'm watching World Idol, so that's more important right now. ;)

I wonder where the hell Dieter is. All Shona ever comments about is clothes. But maybe they needed another women in the jury. Whatever. I just saw Will Young and I am not gonna vote him! He strangled a Doors song! Jim Morrison would have punched him in the face for that! I would have! A Doors song! With that voice? And now they're telling him 'yay go you'? Go away! Suffer! Blasphemy!

He's gonna get voted for his international success maybe but not ever for that song. God, I can't get over this. I expected so much from the English candidate. Sucker.

We only saw 3 comments. Bah. And our German mods behave as if they were there live in London and the only mods. Puh-leaze. Maybe I'm in a bad mood today, but this pisses me off.

Alright, now that's more like it. Netherlands. He chose the right song for his voice. Very nice. Wow, the Arabian woman has a very great voice! It's sad that she has no chance at all. Hm, Guy Sebastian. I think he was a little out of synch at first, but now I like it. He has this thing in his voice. Such a nasal thingy. It's nifty.

Go Poland! But *lol* is she wearing yellow braces? I saw her dance in the special on Tuesday and she really kicks ass. Now I could hear that she has a great voice too. The South-African guy is good too. Heinz Winkler. But they're all singing ballads. I wonder why Alexander took so many dance lessons... We'll see. So well, Heinz. Smart but still powerful voice.

I dunno, I'm thinking I have no sense in music at all. Everybody I like, they hate and vice versa. Same in the normal shows just for Germany. When I am really impressed, they talk them down. Like when Anke sang Alanis and I thought 'whoa!' and they told her to please chose another song next time. ... Dumb commercial breaks.

Kelly Clarckson was good. But still, I personally think she sounds like many other women in the charts. Really good, but not special. Now unlike the Canadian guy who already impressed me in the short clip on Tuesday. Damn, need to remember his name. *lol* Ryan Malcom. Now that was world class! And see? Damn jury. Shona, what the hell? 'He's missing personality'? What? Alright, so I didn't remember his name from Tuesday, but I remembered the country. And don't we all know that everything really great is coming from Canada? ;)

But wow, the Norwayan candidate, who I also remembered by the way, was almost even better! Kurt. *lmao* "Middle-Earth Idol" Now that's a nickname. Came from the Australian jury member, I think. And why is Alexander last? Is that in every country or just here in Germany to keep the masses watching?

Belgium. It keeps getting better and better! He almost sounds just like Kurt Cobain. And I can only hope that he is gonna punch Will Young behind the screens for killing Jim Morrison all over again. ;) *lol* No, but I don't think someone with an obvious taste in this kind of music liked the strangled version of a Doors song.

Ugh, Alex. Respect, but he still should have sung something else. If you dance and sing live, it automatically sounds like this. But I knew. From the moment I read he plans to sing 'Maniac', I knew it would end like this. But eh, we'll see. Hopefully he won't become the very last. .. Oooh, he says he cut down most his performance. *lol* How did it sound before? But well, seriously, that's why the dancers never sing live.

Alright, in the fast clips, I still hate Will Young. That so sucked. *shakes head* So who am I gonna call for? Well, nobody I think, *lol*, but if I would do "calling", I'd go for... Ryan... or Kurt. Ah, damn. No, no wait. Peter Evrard. Belgium. I think I'm gonna actually call for him. He deserves support. *nods*

I'm gonna go take a bath now, hopefully will make my throat hurt less and free my nose.

Wednesday, December 24th, 5.28 p.m.

I just quickly wanted to wish you all a merry christmas. I have send out cards. Everybody got the same, except for the text I managed to write down on them. I had thought about doing a special one for everybody, but not with all the harddrive stress, and my cold, and well, actually I don't think I would have done it otherwise either. ;) I'm not inspired or good enough for that.

My eye is finally, finally hurting less. It was still very bad when I got up. Right behind my right eye, like someone would stick a needle in it and turn it around everytime I move my head. I took my blood pressure and that was normal, but my pulse point was at 94. Usually I have nothing higher than 56. So I read the side effects of the drops I got against the coffee and decided to stop using those. My aunt said the stuff in them was kinda like coffee. So nope, I'll stick with my tea from now on. It's better anyways with the coughing.

I already cut all of the christmas food (hot pepper, ginger and allium/leek), cut into my thumb, *lol*, but not as bad, and in a few minutes we're gonna throw it all in my wok together with crabs. I make this every year since hm, around 6 years now.

But all in all the day's fine. My aunt is way less drink than usual, and Sven is in an alright mood too. But it might change. It's his b-day today as well and he always gets depressed and drunk as well. But I have to say, it was better last year too. They improve. Or shall I say "grow up"? *lol*

Oh, Diane, it always happens in masses once something starts breaking. ;) Ack, doorbell. Now! I want to start cooking! Alright, father of one of Sven's friend to come and get him. Yippy. ;)

Hm, okay, am gonna tell you what I got for christmas soon. I placed my bets on underwear from my aunt, and looking at the present confirmed this, since it has a button saying something like "underwear paradies". I just hope it's gonna be wearable for once. And I wish I could teach her nicely to stop buying me clothes. *re*

So, have a calm Christmas Eve everyone, and I hope you'll all get nice presents today or tomorrow, wherever you live. ;)

Tuesday, December 23rd, 1.43 a.m.

Guess what happened? Sven wrecked my car. Seriously! Something ripped that has happened before - the last time he was driving my car in summer. Apparently it happens a lot to my type of car (VW Golf) if you keep the gas pushed all the way. Just funny that it never happened to me before. But Sven is what I call "beating the car". Like driving way too fast than it's supposed to go and pushing it too high. It's 14 years old, it's not supposed to go 150 hm/h on the freeway anymore. And I bet that was what he was driving. The fastest I go is 130.

But anyways, then he was so pissed when it broke down that he kicked it and broke the red plastic stuff over the light on the back of the car. Oh well, I am not gonna pay to have that fixed, he will.

But because of this he left me alone for the rest of the evening and I still have my dear old harddrive installed. *pets comp* And hm, I do feel slightly better now. Took a lot of medication, drank lots and lots of tea and took a hot bath. Now I only need to go to bed early and hope I can actually sleep, and I'm sure I'll feel fine again tomorrow.

Oh, back to Return of the King. I do understand now where all the slashers come from. Part 3 was the worst, even I thought "ooooh, nice Frodo/Sam scene" a few times. *lol* The guys behind me called it a "very gay movie". Morons. It was just a very deep friendship, which is understanable with all they've been through, but still, they had their moments.

All in all it was more about the hobbits in the new part. But it was great! And they all kicked some serious ass. Even Eowyn who I still despised throughout half of the movie. Then she killed someone and it was okay. And she didn't have... oh wait, this would be spoiling now.

My fav character is still Sam though. He was just the greatest. So loyal and good and brave, and cute. He has this "teddy bear" effect going for him, same as Weiss on Alias. :) When you see them you don't want to have sex with them against the wall, but you want to hug and cuddle. *lol* I'm looking very forward to watching more of Jeremiah because I know Sean Astin (who plays Sam) will be in it in season 2.

Need to call the garage tomorrow. I hope I can still drive the car without blinding others behind me when I have the lights on... Sven said a "small hole", but it took him 3 hours of being back home till he admitted that. First thing he did was yell at me because that thing broke and it's my car, so my fault. *re* But then he terrorized my aunt for the rest of the evening and I got some rest.

edited: Oh, I'm an idiot, I forgot to put up the christmas card Donna send me. Lookie, isn't it just great? :D



I really love it. Thanks a lot!

Monday, December 22, 2.17 p.m.

It's all going down so I make it short. I had to format the comp twice yesterday because the first time T-online wouldn't work. Then it was finally all fine again and I started a torrent and laid down for an hour after the movie. I got up to have it frozen again and it yet again did not recognize the system anymore. And had a mean coughing fit, so I waited till today to format it all again.

And I was early up, because my aunt wasn't there and my grandma was yelling, and the phone kept ringing, and I had another coughing fit, so I had time to call the doc, been there already, got stuff to stop the coughing hopefully and antibiotics (or whatever, too lazy to look up) in case it gets worse over the holidays.

Had running the comp just with windows and nothing else installed and it froze yet again. So it is either, what I think, the fucking harddrive and/or some plug-in error thing with the screen, or well, whatever error in the software. Sven says maybe the driver for the screen, which I can't find anymore. But it's not on the old harddrive either then.

So, Sven wants me to try this out. Install a driver, wait, install something else, wait. I told him not over the fucking holidays, when I have stuff to do, and feel like shit nayways, and I need my internet.

He luaghed, kept being an ass, but finally installe dthe old harddrive for now. It's not screwed in and all open, so he's gonna replug the new piece of shit later. :(

So I have no idea how I'll be on. And the next thing to break would be me, because I honestly feel like shit with my throat now sore too, and my head pounding, my legs weak and all of it. Maybe I can get Sven to at least let me have my old harddrive. It's just all so frustrating again.

Thanks and hugs to Diane. I'm gonna lie down now and watch TV or something. It all made me miss Relic Hunter and a Beastmaster ep with Emilie yesterday. And I had even marked it in my calendar because I wanted to see her in green. I hope I'll wake up and it's gonna be alright again. And oh, Sven has taken my car now, so this might still break after all.

The movie was great btw, less Aragon than in the others though. Ironic since it was "Return of the King". Drive home was hellish, since it was icy and Sven kept bugging me, playing with my radio, telling me to drive faster, switching off the air to make the windows free because he wanted it at his feet, and well, all the small things a shotgun seat owner is allowed to do in another person's car. :) One day I swear I'm gonna hit him. And it's gonna feel so good.

Saturday, December 20th, 10.37 p.m.

My new harddrive is dead. I came home to find a post it on my screen telling me that "bittorrent errors froze the comp, it doesn't recognize the system anymore, needs reformatting, old harddrive back installed". Wee. Meaning god dammit! My brother killed my comp! Yes, alright, so it might have also happened to me, but these things always only happen when he's at it. And I bet it's because he's too impatient. And with the new harddrive - I told him that it keeps freezing for over a minute every now and then - I bet it froze and he of course pressed reset right away, and that killed it.

Whatever. It was a piece of shit anyways. What am I gonna lose? All my brushes. *lol* Well, now I'll remember to save the old ones, but I found some nice new brushes, and pages with those on, bookmarked on C:. Same with fonts, that bugs me the most. Brushes eh, but I had found a page with very, very cool fonts! Crap! The fic is lost, but Zia has saved it too. *phew* We're like 4 or 5 parts ahead I think, considering where we make the breaks, so if those were lost, that would have been a hard blow.

At first I feared for all my recent downloads, because the bad thing about the fine new harddrive with lots of space was that I didn't burn. I just always restarted and started new dls right away. But formatting C: means D: will stay. Unless it's all broke, but no, I can't accept that. Not burned is half of Pretender season 3, 3 eps of Tru Calling, 4 eps of Special Unit 2, a few eps Quantum Leap... there was another large junk... oh! Daria season 2. 85% of Timeline (SVCD, so 1,6 GB). But only Pretender and Special Unit 2 would make me really sad, since I want those so bad and won't be able to get them anywhere else again. Unless they bring it out in DVD box sets, but I don't think so.

Sooo, someone wanna bet on what's next? I'm torn between TV and car, but since my dad's TV broke last week, I'm guessing car. It's winter, something will freeze and break. It's been running bad lately anyways...

Oh, on the nice side, Sven bought tickets for Return of the King tomorrow evening and asked me to go with him. :) Sometimes he can still surprise me in a good way. I just hope it's at 8 and not 11, or I'm gonna fall asleep. *lol* Sundays is always the day I'm most tired. And especially after I'll spend all day reformatting the comp. I think first thing I'll do is burning stuff then. ;)

Friday, December 19th, 1.10 p.m.

I'm back from the dentist and he did the worst he could do: nothing. He said "oh, yeah, well, we need to place a crown on that one now." send me to x-ray and then they handed me a form to send my insurance to see what they pay. If I have that back, I can make another appointment. Wee. And oh, they open again January 5th. Not like I expect to have that damn thing back from insurance anytime earlier. Gah!

So now I'm stuck with a pointy tooth and not being able to use the side of my mouth with which I usually chew, since I am afraid the filling will fall out after all, since there isn't that much tooth left on one side. :( Happy holidays.

And it already hurts after I brushed a little harder this morning. Flushing my mouth with hot water already hurt before, so damn! But maybe it'll calm down again. or maybe I should chew and hope food will block the obviously slightly open point to my nerve. *lol*

My nerve is another thing. Last time I got a crown the nerve was already pulled so it wasn't that big of a deal. Now with the nerve still intact it's supposed to hurt a whole deal more. Not to mention there's still way too much of my tooth left that he has to get rid of first. *whines*

And will I get paid "pain money" then? No, haha, I have to pay 40% of the 320 € it takes in total. Most likely, the form isn't yet processed. But well, I don't suppose I have to pay more, that would be cruel since it's standard to get paid 60%. Maybe I'm lucky and have to pay less. But since they are restructuring the whole system next year and I also have to pay for my medication again, and give all doctors 10 € on the door when I visit, you can never know. They weren't even sure at the dentist, she just said they might judge this as an 2004 form, since they won't process it this year. God damn, why the hell now? Why not 4 weeks earlier?

Anyways, as far as websites are concerned, they're all arial now. I changed it, done. I've like one hour later found out that why-so-ever, the font that actually showed up instead of desdemona might have been bookman, because that's still the font on my Vegas clique and this shows up screwed for me as well. Who knows? I won't change it again.

Friday, December 19th, 6.51 a.m.

Enetation is all down, what a surprise. Does anybody know another comment service that actually does work? All blogs I know are using fucking Enetation or it's such a nice all-in-one thing like Diane has. But maybe that's the whole problem. Way too many people are using Enetation, so their server is always at its limit.

Anyways, I made a new layout and will load it up after this entry. Just had to make the entry first, so the old stuff gets archived properly. I had been debating between using it for the blog or the main indecisive, but then chose blog. No menu would have really fit anyways. *lol* It's Atomic Kitten, for those of you not living in Europe. The pics are taken from their current video "If You Come To Me". I had been listening to it again at the hairdresser today, so then I remembered that I had wanted to use the caps some time ago.

And oh! It's not all under http://www.indecisive.de/blog so I hope nobody bookmarked pitas. It might then look rather screwed for you.

So I was at the hairdresser today. Just having my tips cut. And tomorrow, or rather in 5 hours I need to go to the dentist because a piece of my tooth broke off yesterday. It was the tooth that had been aching for some time, so now I'm thinking it was maybe already split. It's a very evil tooth with a large filling in it, so I'm afraid of what he's gonna do tomorrow. It's not easily fixed and it didn't broke nice enough to not need griding/polishing. You know those drills? Those that don't really much hurt but make those very, very evil brrrr noises very deep in your head? *shudders*

But what I'm most afraid of is, that he'll have to pull the nerve and/or drill the whole tooth down and I'll get another crown. But he can't do any of those things tomorrow, since my appointment is a) right before his break and b) the alst day of his being in the office before he goes on his holidays break. It's so damn typical that this happened to me right now. *lol*

But it's not hurting, so that's something at least. And I need to upload the layout now.

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