Anglo-Irish Interaction

A few years ago I'd researched a screenplay I was going to write. It concerned the Irish struggle for independence from England, at the start of the 20th century. It all started when I came across a book in a flea market written by a man who was part of the West Cork Brigade of the IRA. (Remember - the aims & goals of the IRA at that time were nothing like the muderous acts of the IRA of the late 20th century). The IRA, or Irish Republican Brotherhood from which they came, (as formed in part by Michael Collins ), was attempting to free itself from the control of England - and become independent. I will not turn this into a history lesson, but I suggest you read up on this subject to get a fuller understanding of Irish history. How important is this piece of history to England? It's not even taught in schools. Kids don't get to know about the English 'activities' in Ireland at that time. You can't buy any books relating to this subject in England - only the internationally reknown ones.

As I developed the plot for the screenplay, I needed a man who had previous military experience, and an axe to grind with the English. I invented a character who would have previously fought in the Boer Wars, at the end of the 19th century. As I thought he was such a plausible character, I decided to do a cursory search - to see if such a proposition could be true. I was very surprised at what I found..........

Shortly before the onset of the Boer War , some "uitlanders" (foreigners) of Irish descent, who mostly held very strong anti-British but not necessarily pro-Boer sentiments, gathered in Johannesburg to offer their services to the Transvaal's Zuid-Afrikaansche Republiek government. Their manifesto of Sept 13th 1899 said :

“The Government of the Transvaal being now threatened with extinction by our ancient foe, England, it is the duty of Irishmen to throw in their lot with the former, and be prepared by force of arms to maintain the independence of the country that has given them a home, at the same time seizing the opportunity to strike a good and effective blow at the merciless tyrannic power that has so long held our people in bondage. The position in the Transvaal to-day is exactly similar to what it was in Ireland at the time of the Anglo-Norman invasion.
The memory of the massacre of Drogheda by order of the infamous regicide Cromwell is still darkly remembered in Ireland, and England of that day applauded and justified the cold-blooded butchery as a righteous judgement executed.
With the story of Ireland's wrongs and sufferings before them, no wonder the Boer people refuse to surrender their cherished independence to the hateful sway of Britain. England has been a vampire, and has drained Ireland's life-blood for centuries, and now her difficulty is Ireland's opportunity. The time is at hand to avenge your dead Irish. England's hands are red with blood, and her coffers filled with the spoil of Irish people, and we call upon you to rise as one man and seize upon the present glorious opportunity of retaliating upon your ancient foe. Act together and fight together. Prepare! The end is in view. The day of reckoning is at hand. Long live the republic! Irishmen to the rescue! God save Ireland!”

The newly formed band of men elected Colonel John Y Franklin Blake , an American of Irish descent and a former professional officer, as their commander. Under him served Majors John MacBride and TM Morton, and Captains J Laracey and JJ Mitchell. Thus the so-called Irish Brigade came into existence in September 1899 - not to be confused with the 5th Brigade, the real Irish Brigade in the British forces under the command of the blundering Major-General Fitzroy Hart. About 100 members of the brigade were present at a military parade held in honour of President Kruger's birthday on October 10 1899. Thomas Pakenham writes in The Boer War that when mounted, the group - consisting mainly of miners who apparently had little experience with horses - did not look as though they would stay mounted for long.

The "Irish Brigade" also became known as the Wreckers Corps , putting their mining experience with explosives to good use in the Boer forces' sabotaging efforts to disrupt British communication lines and infrastructure and blowing up strategic points such as railways and telegraph lines. Of the about 2 000 Boers (and those who fought on their side) who had surrendered to the British by the end of 1900, 100 of the 500 foreigners were Irishmen from MacBride's corps and were repatriated to Europe and America, since quite a few were Americans of Irish descent.

Most notably, the battles they fought in were the battles of Modderspruit, Colenso and Brandfort. After the relief of Ladysmith the brigade consisted of no more than 100 men. With the first unit disbanded for all practical purposes, the "Second Irish Brigade" was formed and consisted of men from various nationalities who fought with General Lucas Meyer. However, this brigade also did not last long and soon disbanded.

There's a lot more to Anglo-Irish relations than meets the eye. Isn't history interesting?

Thursday, March 13, 2003                     Back to the top                    

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What's In My Inbox?

12 forwarded emails from my business address. I can't be bothered to carry & unpack my printer with me, so I forward printy stuff to my personal addy, and print it all off at home.
5 emails from my wife. No - she still lives here - ha - these are all jokey, weird funny stuff from her friends :)
5 junk emails. These include a free £15 voucher to a website for something, last minute deals on TV show tickets, (old - must delete), some nonsense from Hilton Hotels telling me I can spend my 1000 HH points on a book of matches etc etc
2 emails from my father-in-law. My wife's father also has a 'well tuned' sense of humour.
2 emails from my eldest bro. Basically, it it's emailable - he'll do it!
1 email from a friend of mine whose wife is having a baby - includes piccies of baby scan..........
1 email from a schoolfriend of mine to finalise the arrangement to meet in London tonight for a drink :)

So - what's in your inbox, eh?

Wednesday, March 12, 2003                     Back to the top                    

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Rules of the Road?

IMAGINE you're in London by simply sitting in your car all day with the engine running, occasionally honking your horn and never actually going anywhere.

LORRY DRIVERS. Make motorway driving more interesting by waiting until a car is overtaking you before pulling out from the inside lane. This is even more fun when there are two cars side by side in the two right hand lanes.

BUS DRIVERS. Raise your overall self-esteem and self-importance in life by stopping your vehicle every time a bus approaches from the opposite direction in order to converse with fellow drivers. This is particularly effective in rush hour traffic!

IF you like riding motorbikes then always wear leather trousers, even if you haven't got your bike with you. This will let other motorbike riders recognise you, while making everybody else unsure about your sexuality. Wear a neck scarf and cap and start losing your hair to enhance the effect.

MOTORISTS. Pressing your 'fog lights' switch a second time after the fog has cleared will actually turn your fog lights off.

BUS DRIVERS. Pretend you're an airline pilot by wedging your accelerator pedal down with a heavy book, securing the steering wheel with some old rope, and then strolling back along the bus chatting casually to the passengers.

FOOL other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the kerb.

WHEN out driving always turn left. Then, should you become lost, you can find your way home by reversing the procedure and always turning right.

AVOID being wheel clamped by jacking your car up, removing the wheels and locking them safely in the boot until you return.

AVOID parking tickets by leaving your windscreen wipers turned to 'fast wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

TAXI drivers. Why not pop into the garage and ask them to fix your indicators lights for you so that other motorists know where you are going.

Any more?

Tuesday, March 11, 2003                     Back to the top                    

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When Things Go Wrong In Church....Again

....and so it started me thinking - a dangerous thing, I know. But I recalled the many weird, wonderful, happy occasions I had when I was a good little Catholic altar server. And the number of times I'd witnessed, or been a part of 'When Things Go Wrong In Church'.
The best piece of advice we were given as trainee altar servers, (y'know the little chaps in cassocks & cottas - no girls in my day! I mean, were any of the twelve apostles women? Okay - JC & Co. did walk around in long flowing robes, and were quite often concerned with the grocery shopping - loaves & fishes, water to wine etc - but they were still 'men'!) .....anywayyyyyy.....the best piece of advice we were given was - "If it all goes wrong - look 'holy' because 'they', (the congregation), don't know what's going on up here, (on the altar). " - and not a truer word was spoken. It's a sad statement to make, but church to some people was the only form of exercise they'd get all week with the 'Catholic Callisthenics'. D'you think that's where 'Simon Says' comes from? "Simon Peter says......KNEEL"......."Simon Peter says......JOIN HANDS".........."STAND UP!"......Ha - you're out - Simon Peter didn't say 'stand up' - go over in the corner with all the sinners!

But there were some classics. There was a guy whose cotta set alight when he walked past some candles - and he didn't know it. The flames wear huge and jumping up his back, when a friend of his jumped out from a bench and ripped the the thing off his back. He didn't know what was going on, and a fight nearly broke out. Very funny. Or one of my own favourite gaffs was during Benediction when using the thurible. It's an interesting device where incense is burnt in , and part of the service involves the priest 'topping up the smoke bomb' with incense. It's all matter of pulling chains to raise the lid of the metal incense dish, and to lower it again......lock them in position - (vital part of the procedure)..........and gently swing the Holy Hand Grenade to let the air flow through it to ignite the charcoal & burn the incense. Simple, right? Well, generally yes. Except..........Except one day after the priest had filled it up with enough incense to empty a lorry load of illegal immigrants, I went to the top of the steps on the altar, and turned to face the congregation to 'bless them' with the thurible. One gentle swing backwards...........then forwards.....and WHOOSH.......CLANG......CLANG.....CRASH....(SMOKE.....FIRE).........yup - the damn thing hadn't locked back into position properly and went flying down the steps and off the altar like a tear gas grenade breaking up a crowd of religious fanatics (ha !) . It was soooooooo funny & horrific at the same time. Nobody moved initially. Everyone was in shock. Then the 'Head Altar Server' signalled to me to get it sorted out.....quickly. Which I did. But where was the Health & Safety Regulations regarding 'Religious Incendiary Devices' when I needed it? 

Needless to say I survived my youth as an altar server. I even got a trip to Rome to see the Pope. He was in at the time, which was nice :)  It was the same year that Liverpool beat Borussia Moenchengladbach 3 -1 in the European Cup Final in the Olympic Stadium in Rome. What a game !

Monday, March 10, 2003                     Back to the top                    

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When Things Go Wrong In Church.....

I did tell my mother I was going to relay this little story to y'all...so if I'm off-line for a few days after this, that's probably 'cos she's beat me up ! Anyway, I got this phone call from me mammy about a little incident in church.......

She had had gone to do the 'reading' in the church - y'know - the epistle & psalms, (for you heathens!). But she did notice that the printed psalm sheet in the church was different from the place that the epistle was open on the altar. However, not wishing to think that the priest had made a mistake, she carried on regardless.......reading the wrong epistle for the day. She could tell it was the wrong one because the 'professional Catholics' were furiously flicking through their missals trying to find what the H**l my mother was reading.

But it doesn't stop there. Oh No. The psalms and associated responses would also be different. And as the congregation had the correct psalm sheet, and my mother was reading the previous weeks psalms..........there was even more silent wailing and gnashing of teeth & the voices of ones crying in the wilderness: "Oi! Get it right!". However, being the trooper that she is - my mum continued in an appropriate religious manner, i.e. as if nothing was wrong at all :). After mass she mentioned the debacle to the priest who seemed to blag his way through it by saying that the epistle would now be closed before mass, and the reader would have to find the right place before they began. Talk about abdication & dereliction of duty! It's no wonder the church is in the state it is in today - ha!

Now - you'd think that would be the end of it wouldn't you? Oh no. My mum got home only to to discover that she had two different coloured shoes on. One black, one dark navy. (Now - this is something a man can NEVER do!). So, not only was my mother reading the wrong epistle - everybody could see that she was wearing different coloured shoes as well. Not painting a very good picture of 'religious professionalism' here, is it?

Ha - you reckon that's the end of it, don't you? Oh no. My mum informed me that she had medical 'foot lifts' in her black shoes to stop her feet getting sore. So, when she took off her 'other' black shoe, (the Navy blue one), she went scurrying around on the floor looking for the foot lift that should have been in there. That is funny enough, but I asked her - "Does that mean that when you were walking in church, because you didn't have the lifts in both shoes - you must have been listing to one side - like you were walking with a limp?" She had to agree.

So - to summarise - I love my mum...................but:

• she read the wrong epistle and psalm, (not her fault!) to a packed bewildered church
• she had different coloured shoes - for all the world to see.....and.....
• she was walking with a 'drunken' limp in church

It's not April 1st yet is it ? :)

Sunday, March 9, 2003                     Back to the top                    

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8march2003

Okay - the secret's out - it's Ark II, up an Australian railway track into a shed in the moutain where it it sits..........er......presumably waiting for the rains. Or is it? In a strange twist of fate, intrigue, boredom, HM, (the person at the centre of this tedium), directs us to mountainsub.com because they, HM says, is trying to discredit the story by claiming the photos and story are part of a promo for something. They even change the location of the place from Australia to South America. There is a competition to win prizes connected to it - answers and prizes to be posted on the mountainsub site on April 15th 2003. Oh joy I can hardly wait.

What I find really internetedly infuriating is the fact that after five months of waiting for this 'event' - there is still no clear cut end to the story. Go back and have another look at both sets of photos from both sites. I'm no PC wizard, but lots of background jungle etc makes it damned easy to cut n' paste etc in basic image software. And, using the old 'view the page source' technique I find that the mountainsub site has images sourcing from here www.cia.com.au - yes, looks good don't it? However, it stands for Contact Infobahn Australia, which, on the surface, looks like an Australian web hosting site in Sydney.

So - what can a body do? Hell - I entered the competition on the moutainsub site ! Do it as well, the worst that can happen is....well...who knows...? (Please remember - this is not for real, and is a piece of fiction......a good one for keeping people hanging on!)

Saturday, March 8, 2003                     Back to the top                    

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Remember this........?

Friday, November 8, 2002 08:31 p.m.

Earlier today I came across a site 8march2003.com yes, I know the link doesn't work now.
Which is a shame because it was 'an annoucement' about something that was to be revealed on....8th March 2003....which is a Saturday by the way....but that's not really important :)
Anyway, this page (a colourful red print on a blackground), was rattling on about a trip to a South American country which the author had made. He/she found a burnt out camera, (pics of the camera!), and he/she finally got back home and developed some of the pics therein.

Still with me? Good...this is where the bollocks begins...

The author proceeds to search for certain key words on the internet.....his PC starts to 'lock-up' and 'shut down'. He goes to phone a friend.....his phone is 'tapped' (Yeah, right!?). He grabs his shit and makes for the jeep. A 'black van' pulls up outside his house...'people' enter...leave a message on his PC asking why he was searching for those 'key words'.Yawn. Anyway......the chase is on.....

So - In my recent weblob building days, it's become a habit to 'right click - view page source' on any page where I thought "That looks good - how do I do that in HTML?" Sooooooo... I thought I'd apply the same technique to our 'bringer of doom' website......with some interesting results:

1."...<% Set pageCount = Server.CreateObject("MSWC.PageCounter")%> <% pageCount.PageHit %>You are visitor number <% =pageCount.Hits %> to this Web site...." - a hidden 'hit counter' at the bottom of the main page.

2."... !--WEBBOT bot=TimeStamp endspan i-checksum="13864"--.." found lodged in the source code for the 'big picture' view of the left hand camera picture.

Now call me suspicious, (just don't call me Shirley!), BUT If I'm on the run from...whoever...with some mind blowing world event to reveal, dodging in and out of internet cafes, always watching my back, constantly being alert, always being afraid........do I:
A. Want to know how many people visited my site ?
B. Leave a trail back to the 'hit counter' software supplier ?
C. Have some kind of 'webot' in place - which, (and please corrct me if I'm wrong), retrieves info from other people's PC's ?

- methinks I smell a rat!

So far, I've found nothing else new. If any of you do find anything out - stick it in my message box.
.....and tomorrow is March 8th 2003. Check out the link to the website. It says what time, & where, (to different servers in different parts of the world), all will be revealed.
Ha.......any last minute guesses?

Friday, March 7, 2003                     Back to the top                    

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Personnel Development Reviews

...or PDR , as the hip groovy phrase is bandied about. They used to be 1-to-1 meetings, (even that was a bit girly-clique-'business speak'), before that. And in the time when somebody wanted to talk about their job, it was romantically known as "....a quiet word in the office......" - Not to be confused with the infamous Area Manager phrase - "I think we should go for a coffee....." - the Coffee of Death . There was never a Coffee of Fun......only death! Today I was having a quiet word in the office, ( Training Room , actually), with one of my team. It was his turn to get 'done'. Actually, he was overdue being done, due to a number of  unacceptable & implausible excuses......er...I mean - business reasons, on my behalf. A couple of hours later we emerged, hot & sweaty, from our professional sauna meeting - totally PDRed....as it were.

I'm due for my PDR soon. What shall I say at it? "Dear Boss - unaccustomed as I am to being outspoken - GIVE ME A RAISE !!!" - nah, I don't think that'd work. I'd have to have a good business reason for a raise. ".........or else I'll release a highly toxic nerve gas into the atmosphere......just above your head......which will follow you around........particularly nearing pay day each month ..." Hmmmmmm. I think I'd be be asked to "go for a coffee" ! No - I need to review last year......let me see.........

• Sept - Dec off work with Carpal Tunnel Syndrome/ frozen right shoulder
• Jan - Sept cumulatively spent about two months working in France
• ...other seven months.........er..........it was a longggggggg time ago........!

Yup - there's definite room for improvement there - ha! The funny thing is - he reads Blogging With Dr P... -  so remember Mr H. - I'm still under medication, and probably protected by the Mental Health Act as well, so don't use any long words and no confusing questions :)

Thursday, March 6, 2003                     Back to the top                    

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Quote of the day...

I don't know who said this, but it just seems to sum up what personal interpretation is all about:

" To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other"

Yeah - it's been a funny old day.......

Wednesday, March 5, 2003                     Back to the top                    

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There's no time like the present

Or is there...? Back in 1752 something rather spooky happened. The Gregorian calendar was introduced - and people lost 11 days - September 3rd to 13th inclusive. Mobs gathered in London demanding the 11 days back. The old Julian calendar, set up by Julius Caesar had become increasingly out of kilter with the seasons, (a bit like me archiving my weblog every month), and the Government decided to switch to the more accurate Gregorian calendar used in Europe, (and it'll be The Euro and no more £'s, eh?). Pope Greg, (1502 - 1585), but actually pope from 1572 until his death, introduced the new calendar in 1582 in Europe. He also founded the idea of having proper cemeteries as well. What a guy.
Because it was named after Pope Gregory XIII, the new system was thought to be a Catholic plot. In the City of London, bankers objected to the confusion caused by the change and the next time their taxes were due - on March 25th - they refused to pay. Instead they paid 11 days later, on April 5th, which is still a crucial marker in the tax year in the UK.

I wonder if.........

• employers deducted 11 days pay from that months salary?
• All endurance records occurring over the month of September had to be discounted from 'Ye Olde Guinessy Booke Of Recordes' ?
• anybody with a birthday between Sept 3rd - Sept 13th 1752, couldn't get a birth certificate? Of course, they wouldn't have been able to get their driver's license later in life either...;)
• that was the Chinese year of 'the schmuck' ?
• all electrical goods got 11 days taken off their guarantees........and......
• anything bought between those dates couldn't be guaranteed, because those days didn't exist?
• early September weddings had to be re-done?

(...oh - if you wonder anything yourself......please keep the list growing). But I think the most important thing I wonder about deleting 11 days off the calendar is does this explain why year on year the tax office becomes slower and slower in letting you know you have a tax rebate coming to you?

Tuesday, March 4, 2003                     Back to the top                    

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