So what happened to His 'Second Coming' ? Tara Press spent a lot of money earlier this year on advertising His arrival for June. It's just as well the public does not believe every Messiah interview they hear on Capital Radio. The real McCoy, (or should that be 'McCohen'?), is probably waiting till after all the ships have come back from the Falklands, the World Cup is over and the Israelis have finally taken Beirut. He has to have the headlines. A few lines in the Deptford Chronicle 'news extra' column would hardly do, even if He has taken a 2000yr vacation.
It is a little known fact that there were actually 12 Commandments given to Moses by God . This was hardly surprising as there were 12 Disciples, 12 tribes of Israel, 12 months in a year, and it cost 12 denari to go from Bethlehem to Jerusalem by 'Shalom Inter-Tribe Camel Ways'. The Vatican has kept the 11th & 12th Commandments a secret for such a long time because the world wide implications of letting people know when He would reappear and also when Barry Manilow fails to make a sell-out concert, would be too great.
However, as news has leaked out, there have been claims from different religious sects as to the true messages left on the missing two tablets:

• S.D.P. - (Spivs of the Desert Party) 11th = Thou shalt not get caught. 12th = the address of a good, but expensive Jerusalem lawyer.
• S.M.E.T. - (Shalom Middle Eastern Transport - formerly the Shalom Inter-Tribe Camel Ways) 11th = the original 'Jerusalem - Bethelem/Bethelem - Jerusalem' timetable. 12th = the divine right to operate wherever they want at whatever price they think fit.
• U.C.D.B.T.S. - (The United Church of the Day Before That Saint) 11th = Camel departures Jerusalem - Salt Lake City (Shalom Inter-Tribe Camel Ways). 12th = The ancient rite of "How To Make A Lot Of Money On The Way To Redemption"

Naturally, this has thrown the ecumenical world into a bit of a tizzy. Staunch believers in the original 'Top Ten' firmly deny the existence of the last two. Other, more open-minded religious scholars suggest the 11th tablet was a reference for the other ten, and the 12th was a telephone number to get in touch with Him in case of an emergency. This theory is likely to be more acceptable in explaining their disappearance. To the early Christians only the first ten were needed because:
'Who needs a reference, they look fairly straight forward to me, my boy?'
and more obviously.......:
'Oi vay - what's a 'telephone' ?'
- which is why they were never mentioned in the Old or New Testaments.
Of course, He could still arrive and spoil all the fun. I only hope He's got a sense of humour, otherwise..............."


It never got published. But it still makes me laff. Is there a medical name for this condition?

Dr P

Dr P

A Weblog is for life – not just for Christmas

There are some very fancy ‘shipwrecked ’weblogs out there. I’m sure there’s many reasons why they are abandoned:
· Alien Abduction - A common problem with many unexplained things…..in my opinion
· Rocky Moutain Spotted Fever – A ‘regional’ problem
· Chicken Soup – when no other explanation fits.

With great excitement I browse the webrings and other weblog type societies I have joined, in the hope of finding something that interests me. So far, the links on the left are the places I go for a regular browse. I promise I’ll get around as much as I can – so don’t feel left out if you’re not there. Incidentally, if you do come back here regularly to read my waffle, let me know in the Guestbook, simply because if you like reading me……….there’s a very good chance I’ll like reading you.

Is it me……..or do you have to have complete darkness when you go to bed? I don’t know when this started, (and it wasn’t during WWII blackouts either because I’m not that old), but I’ve got to the stage now of wearing one of those little eye patch things they give you in the complimentary travel packs on the airlines . I’ve been wearing it more recently, because a building across the road has been undergoing reconstruction , and they’ve got bright lights on the top of it which shine through/above & around the curtain. And it’s the same in the front room – have you noticed how many damned lights are shining from VCR/DVD/Hi-Fi clocks & displays ? Lets not forget the red ‘standby’ light on the TV – I reckon he’s the ringleader, and encourages all the others to flash on & off when I’m asleep! Or maybe nothing happens at all………When I was sleeping in there back in the early days of my CTS, (when I couldn’t sleep properly due to pain, I was crashing on the sofa bed in the front room so my wife could get some sleep), - it was like Blackpool Illuminations in there! And I regret painting the ceiling that silk finish because all the lights were reflecting off it……..
Back in the bedroom the cordless phone base unit also has a red, (charging ) light on it, as well as a green…..er…thingy light – what is the green light for? And God knows why the alarm clock has an alarm on it – the light from the facia is like a high powered laser! I’ve got to cover it with 6 inch sheet steel each night just to get some sleep……actually, I use a book really.

Maybe that’s why so many weblogs are abandoned - 'alarm-clock-laser-burn' ?

Dr P

Graffiti

I once worked for the Royal National Institute for the Blind,(R.N.I.B.), in their 'talking book' service in London. The building used to be on Goswell St, just around the corner from the old entrance to the Angel tube. Before London Underground renovated the tube station at The Angel, Islington, there used to be an entrance that was typical of the old post-war tube buildings - lots of dark brown wood everywhere. The escalators had wooden slats in them, and the lifts were small, (small for the ever increasing London population), and wooden. One morning, cramped in there with the tens of thousands of people trying to beat the 'rush hour', (which we know in all major cities actually runs from about 6.00am to 10.00am), I spied one of the funniest pieces of graffitti I've ever seen. It made me laugh so much, the people somehow managed to leave an exclusion zone around me. For that short lift journey I was 'The Nutter In The Lift' - leave well alone.

I don't know how 'Seven Up' was advertised in the USA, or outside the UK in general, but the campaign here in the UK went along the lines of: "(insert name) thought (insert occupation) was boring until he/she discovered Seven Up" - accompanied with appropriate pics of before/after type thing. All very mundane, right? Well, there I was, minding my own business, asleep - propped up between other vertical corpses on their way to work, when I opened my right eye to 'read the wall'. There were the usual ads etc , but there in good old fashioned black marker pen between two aluminium framed poster ads was the following piece of graffiti:

"Snow White thought sex was boring until she discovered Seven Up......"

- well, I immediately howled with laughter! This automatically woke up all the 'living dead' around me. They shuffled to one side to avoid my shaking frame as I tried to stifle my laughter.........I mean - it's not what you expect to read on a lift wall. Although the lift journey was only about 2-3 minutes, it must have been hell for the rest of them, because by the time the lift stopped at the top, there was a huge space around me - and everyone else was plastered against each other and the walls. When those lift doors opened.............pop...........WHOOSH!!!! - bodies went spraying out over the very small station concourse like, well, a 2L bottle of Seven Up exploding when it hits the ground after being dropped from the top floor of a multistory car-park.

So remember, the next time you order your favourite No.2 meal at MacDonalds with Seven Up.......think of graffiti in a London tube lift.

Dr P

What's in the fridge?

Admittedly, it does sound like a second-rate TV quiz show, but I do have to wonder what's in there at the moment..........I don't think we even bought any pate ? Why does that weird smell always stink of pate? Okay, everything's dead in there, (except for you natural yoghourt freaks containing 'live' bacteria)...........

......I just made an intercontinental typing error. Perhaps it was a John Edward type explanation - somebody making contact from the other side . But 'live' first got typed as 'livre', which, of course, we all know is French for 'book'. Now what kind of message is that ? It's true, I've got to organise a business trip in to France in February, sorry that's 'Fevrier'. Perhaps the International Spirit Travel Agents, ( surely not the ISTA ?), is prompting me to 'BOOK' early? This unfortunate expression 'book early' was also used as a tag line for a UK TV commercial for 'Pontins Holiday Camps' . A hapless camp director was wheeled out of a cupboard at the end of the commercial, with the 'thumbs up' sign, (well before the days of mobile phones and texting - a perfectly well formed English thumb!), mumbling those immortal words "Help get me out of here!" "Now remember - book early". Sad really. I was sure he'd died many years before, but they just wheeled him out of a cupboard every year - like one of those military dictators who has to make an appearance on the balcony at the island's annual 'Car Jackers Parade', lest he be overthrown by the other volatile poilitcal parties. Yup - that was probably it. A message to 'book early'.
However, having attempted to correct 'livre', I ended up with 'lire', which used to be the currency of Italy before the Euro stepped in. Horrible idea - the Euro. Takes away ones national identity. We'll never have it here.....(remember you saw that said here first!). I don't know any Italians personally. When I was a good little Catholic altar server (it's funny - that link - I see the excursions haven't changed in over 27 years or so..!) many years ago........(yes, I was...ha), we did go on a 'pilgrimage' to Rome to see the Pope. Thankfully he was in when we got there, or that would have been a wasted journey!

What's in the fridge? Neither French books nor old Italian money. But there is a half a bowl of pasta on the top shelf, and a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc 2001 in the door. That must be it - a dinner reminder.

Dr P

Pointy thumbs.....the shape of things to come?

Earlier today I had the good fortune of talking to an operator from the Orange cellular phone company. I was upgrading my contract and phone to something more befitting a man who can't actually hold a phone properly at the moment, and has to use a hands-free kit...?...er...anyway...
The conversation rolled on........her 'systems were down' - (all sounded rather medical to me). We yakked about the fact that the phone, a Nokia 6310i , was a good size, not like some of these smaller phones which must be incredibly difficult to use. And flip phones - I thought they sailed up the Swanny with 'Motorola Flip' , back in the days when 'hair bands' still ruled ?! Anyway, it occurred to me that these poor individuals out there - and you might count yourself as one of these - who spend many 'happy'(?) hours texting messages to each other, must have a VERY HARD TIME doing it. I mean - the buttons are so damned small.
But what if, by some strange form, ( - notice that...got 'form' right first time.......of course, you'll never know that, I could have edited it afterwards........but you're just going to have to take my word on it), of human evolution we are now seeing the first generation of 'Pointy Thumbed Youths'.......or PTY's ? Think about it, at bustops, trainstations, football matches - that's 'soccer' to you Colonials - in fact - ANYWHERE where you see a teenage person rapidly clicking away making a noise like some sort of 'Tic Tac' addict desperate to get the last one out of the plastic box - they are part of the PTY's.
And don't think the problem stops there. Oh no. With the increase of PTYs in our society, we are, sadly, going to see an increase in teenage rhinoplasty operations, particularly with hay fever sufferers who forget they are a PTY and quickly push a Kleenex to their face with their 'sharp pointy thumbs'! Ouch ! Obviously, the 'nose picking' brigade I have no sympathy for.
What of the glove manufacturers ? We will see children wearing mitts with re-inforced thumbs - thus weighing their arms down, causing the arms to drag along the ground - good for clearing the drive in winter (!), but not very good for overall posture. Indeed, as is the slouching habits of our nations youths', all trouser manufacturers will have to redesign their pockets to account for the newly developed razor sharp digits.

Aluminium lined 'Dockers' ? - Actually not far from the truth - Levi Strauss is to introduce a new range of slacks with mobile phone anti-radiation pockets. The Dockers S-Fit trousers are scheduled to hit Europe's high streets in early 2003. There are no plans to launch them in the US. The trousers could cost as much as £100 a pair. The phone pockets are lined with a special material, which tailors say will prevent radiation from phones reaching the skin. Of course, the company isn't saying that radiation from mobile phones is dangerous or anything. Absolutely not, it says it's merely responding to customer concerns about radiation emissions from mobile phones.........and PTYs no doubt - Levis, they've got their finger, (or thumb), on the pulse.

Dr P

Naked Mud Wrestling!

There - that made you sit up and read, didn't it ? I've got the stitches out of my right wrist today, so now I can get back to my naked mud wrestling career - yeeha! Well, not quite yet. My wrist hurts like hell, and I can't soak the wound in water yet for a few days - so I think gallons of sticky mud oozing all over the place is probably out of the question.....still there's no harm in watching, eh ?

So - in the words of Bart Simpson "......who the hell are you?" I picked up a 'Citizen Card' application form from a local grocery store. (And there's another tricky little typing test: 'form' and ''from' - I constantly type 'form' for 'from'....or, indeed - 'fro' for ''for'..............I did do a touch-typing course many years ago.........ha - yes, it was many years ago now.). But there I was holding this i.d application card form thinking - "What is this all about?". Here in the sunny UK, unlike you other foreign Johnny's, it is not compulsory to carry i.d. cards. And as for the good old U S of A.......
I remember living out in California back in 1988, and myself and my American host decided to 'hit some nightclubs' down 'The Strip' in LA. He went looking like an Alice Cooper groupy - which was apt for his style :) - and I went looking incredibly English in a black sports jacket and blue jeans - which was all the clean,decent clothes I had with me :). Twice we got asked for i.d. -

• once by the guy on the door of this nightclub. (We'd made our way through the dozens of 'rock star wannabees' handing out their flyers up and down the road before finally making it to the nightclub. If they'd swept all that shit up at 3am, they could have sent it back to Brazil to build the rain forests back up again.) Once I'd told the guy on the door that I was English, and that I don't carry i.d., he said, (....and I'm sure they go to special schools for this..)..."Uh - you're English...right....well,..okay..." - boy when worlds collide, eh?! Then he said.."....okay....well...there's a guy over at the bar - he's English to ..." - the bar was about half a mile away, and a writhing sweaty mass of leather/denim clad flesh was between me and it.......and that's if I could push against the wall of noise that was laughingly being passed off as.....'music'. I never found the english guy, the beer was warm & too expensive...and the music was crap. We fought our way out of there about an hour later. Good 'work out' though - lost a few pounds in sweat!

So, this whole i.d. situation was even weirder for me then. But the night was still young.......

• and we got talking to some guys in a car - who had some liquor in 'a brown paper bag'.........It makes me laugh - no drinking in public....the day they change that law in the USA, will be the day the 'brown paper bag tycoon' builds himself a big brown paper boat and goes floating up the river and out to sea. They passed some out, we drank, passed it back - good old 'American Graffiti' type action. Then a cop car swung around and shined a light on us, and told us to 'break it up'. ( I believe he had just swung up this side street for a doughnut break, but we were there before him....!). Everybody in the car started to freak and were pushing brown paper bags everywhere - it was so comical. The cop swung around for another turn.....and this time stopped. He got out, as best as he could, (couldn't help but be reminded of the closing scenes of 'Ghostbusters' when the 'Pillsbury Doughboy' was attacking the building), and asked for all our i.d.'s..............................well, there wasn't a trailer park in miles, but this cop sure could have been related to the guy on the door of the nightclub........."Uh - you're English...right....well,..okay...you should carry some i.d on you.." - and, of course, in the most powerful, English speaking, technologically advanced country in the world where the freedom of speech is a constitutional right , (except in Texas, in this instance : the entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home).....- the cop was right. (Even though I still disagree with i.d. cards.) But he didn't do a thing about it anyway.

But what of the 'Citizen Card' - recognised and accepted all over the world it claims...........have you seen it before ?

Dr P

Xmas shopping in Asda (part of Walmart)

Is it un-Christian to wish sudden and instant death on the person who hits you in the heels with their trolley? I mean, I know it's heading towards Christmas and everything, but does that mean that people HAVE to lose their driving skills at the store door, when leave their car, and revert back to the 'dodgem days' when they collect their trolleys? It would seem so.
And when did the nuclear air-raid warning come into effect? Or was I the only one not to see it on the news? EVERYBODY was buying EVERYTHING! The food stores only close for one, or two days at the most, (that's Xmas and Boxing Day for you atheists), - and that doesn't happen for a week or so yet. Perhaps Social Services are out shopping for OAP's nuclear bunker stores before they do their own. Nice.

BUNKER MEN

"Treat the builders, not the masses'"
(Who wants to save the middle classes?)
Nice new homes for Bunker Men
On emerging from their den.

Mutants out from doors on walls
Catch the next one as it falls.
They don't get to see the day
When Bunker Men come out to play.

Stay-pressed, stylish N.B.C. threads
Looking after all the heads
Of services which only then
Can keep alive the Bunker Men.

A brave new world for Bunker Men,
A chance to start it all again.
As the glowing mist unfurls,
I hope there are some Bunker Girls!

This particular Asda store was a little 'toy shy' in the kiddie dept. I was shopping to get a present for my nephew & niece. I feel, on behalf on the 'adults-who-had-dolls-when-they-were-kids' society (AWHDWTWKS), I have to ask the following question: " What the hell happened to Ken & Barbie ?". Barbie, God bless her, has had more hair transplants than a 1000 Elton Johns put together. What that poor girl has had to go through! And Ken...........there are many things that have happened to Ken, but what epitomizes it all for me was the fact that the only Ken doll left on the shelf was Ken as 'the handsome prince in tights' - (obviously 'sold out' in Brighton) - as opposed to the 'Rapunsel Barbie' who had sold out because she was, as she should be, a cute little princess doll. But Ken..........I weep for doll kind.
And it didn't end there......oh no. 'Action Man' my good buddy from many years ago, now gets presented shrink-wrapped in different Gucci-type action outfits. What happened to the unshaven, pull-the-cord-at-the-back, plastic muscle man? It was left to our imagination as to what adventures Action Man got up to - not some formatted image of him in a box.

Do you want to know a secret? I still have the 'remains' of my Action Man :) It's true. This was a second generation, (one might almost call him 'Bionic' for his day), twisting joints, (non talking), guy. He currently only has one arm......no-legs........he lost his limbs over the years in such battles as:

• being pulled as hard as he could to see how much you could actually pull him before a leg popped out.
• child surgery.
• being stepped on by 'big people'.

You have to congratulate the makers, (Hasbro), of the early Action Men - they did actually survive the normal run-of-the-mill children's games. It was only the 'extra curricular activities' of the imaginative child that caused severe damage. We, my brothers and I , were some of those children :) Good old Action Man, he never had a name - that was a girlie thing to do, ha - had some of his most toughest battles suspended by his one arm with a piece of string on the coal house door..........and used as target practice with my older brother's darts. He didn't seem to mind.....Action Man, not my brother - it blunted the darts! And if that wasn't enough, the final humiliation was finding a magnifying glass and burning holes in him........Action Man, not my brother.

It's not exactly being forced to watch nuclear explosions in the 1950's, but do you think my Action Man could qualify for a military disability pension?

Dr P

A night on the 'ezboards'…..travelling the net

Last night - 'a DJ saved my life from a broken heart' ? – er….no. I decided to reach out to as many people as possible. I took it upon myself to storm the walls of castle, ( - sorry I apologise here – I’ve been having a ‘Flashing Blade’ weekend still! ), - to storm the walls of castle ezboard.
Firstly, I must say ezboard is an excellent place to set up, quickly, a discussion/message/posting type website. The options for what you can do with them are various. What people do with them is quite various as well. Some people have their ‘own’ site like: The Playroom – this is moderated by Jimita, aka 'Sexy Arizona'. "Chattin' & Chillin'" is the main board of The Playroom. It is definitely worth a visit.Very nice, relaxed, a pleasant kinda place in this rough & tumble world of websites.( Go to a posting which says 'A Must See Thread From Xiana's Board' posted on 08/12/02 - that's funny!) And J & X liked me so much – ha – they said so in my guestbook.

(Remember to spell ‘guestbook’ correctly. If you type fast, as I do, then look back – you see some strange things. I originally typed ‘GUSSETBOOK' – and couldn’t help but visualise old Victorian brothels with ladies in tight corsets, high heels saying such East London things as “Watcha cock – fancy a bit of ‘how’s yer father’? ” – which I am simply not going to translate here :)

Other sites unite folk with a common purpose or hobby. (DELETED NAME - 18TH December 2002 - they didn't want me there in the end- ha !)is such a place. I mistakenly bludgeoned my way in and posted my ‘advert’on one of their boards. After a few emails with one of the ‘board moderators’ there – I believe things are now okay. I learnt a lesson – read the boards ‘introductory’ details properly before you join – it could save some confusion. (DELETED NAME) is a place where people of different styles/types/level of writing post their scribbles and others view and comment. If you like writing, and words, like I do – go there – you’ll enjoy it.

The guys at Xenorama are nice. They, like several boards, have a message board where you can post whatever you want – and even invite links to your own website. So I did.

But, the most highly entertaining site of the night was Bitchfest – no link yet – read on…….this is good……….

Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking, (that’s not strictly true – I don’t mind getting up in front of a crowd of people and making a fool of myself….your worship, m’lud, your honour….just sentence me now…!) – but I wanted to give the effect of taking a huge breath before speaking/diving into this adventurous deep pool of female madness they call Bitchfest. It’s true – I placed my ad on their board knowing full well that it wasn’t exactly in the right place. I sorta imagined – and this was late when I was doing this, so I could say I was tired – that perhaps a website with so many visitors as theirs, might include some people – notice I haven’t said ‘ladies’ – who might find ‘Blogging With Dr P…' a small, but pleasant, diversion in their journey of life. Oh baby was I wrong – HA ! Below is a transcript of the ‘intercourse’ that took place. (I’ve changed the names to protect the innocent):

MS X: Shamless Self Plug! And not just posted in Bitchfest either!

Me: - shameless- you're absolutely right, mate ! But, I believe there are lots of people out there who may miss out on the opportunity of 'reading me' unless I let them know I exist.
I enjoy writing, and I know many people like reading me as well
Thanks for your comment.

MS Y: yeah, sometimes you have to let people know you exist, so how about you take your stupid site over to clix and list it just like everyone else. until then, step the fuck off. no one needs it here.

MS Z: "guess who's back, back again, MS Y's back, tell a friend" lmfao - it is great to see my firey formiddable friend at her most charming best

MS W: go MS Y!

MS X (again): "And this from a man who couldn't even spell MHTL until recently!" It seems the man still can't SPELL HTML! Look!

MS V: yeah i'd noticed that lmfao

MS Y (again), : the poor man, he apparently knows not what he does, slinking onto OUR board to plug his stupid site! yeah, really.....html goddess i am not, but at least i can SPELL HTML!!

Me: - Duh……it was a joke 'MHTL'.........but thanks for all the publicity - keep it up girls!

MS Y (again): Re: publicity our dying asses! publicity? i don't think so, dr. p.
i can see why you'd have high hopes of that and all.....but let me attempt to explain a little something to ya:
we here at bitchfest are a tightly nit little community.....now, with that said, let me also point out that just showing up here unknown, and UNINVITED no less, to plug your unknown site to us, and to then think we would welcome you with open arms.....well, that was just plain fucking stupid.
but publicity? oh please, doc. now take a hike.

And if you don’t believe me – it’s all here at Bitchfest. I do hope the ladies there take no offence to me telling our little story – because I do feel somehow attached to their little community…….if only by the ‘short & curlies’ from a tree being beaten with a club! Naturally, I have learnt my lesson and will not be bothering anymore communities which allow anybody to post on them at anytime...........hmmmmm........that narrows it down a bit. Perhaps if there were a community that didn't want to be bothered by anyone else, they could,say, 'password protect' their site instead of wholly abusing anyone that passes by ?

The warmth and enthusiasm I was shown at Bitchfest…………(what a name, eh?!)…..has not deterred me from venturing forth, or even ‘fifth’ & ‘sixth’, into the internet world and making contact. Communication is everything. If we all talked a little more, listened a bit better, heard what was being said by our families, friends and neighbours – all our lives would be a fraction more richer & fulfilled knowing that we’d connected properly, understand what was being said, and reciprocated in kind………

…all it needs now is a “…look after yourselves” – and I could sell that ending to Jerry Springer :)

Dr P

Okay - it's Friday 13th....so what?

After consulting my Hollywood book of movie clichés I suppose most of the superstitious amongst you will associate this date with that line from the kids who go off into the haunted wood at the dead of night when their van breaks down - "Hey, come on - what could possibly happen - it's only a haunted wood - and there's five of us ? " (Five including Scooby Doo, of course!).
Speaking of classic TV shows - I got the 'Flashing Blade' arrive today - only 3 days after ordering it from Play.com. Originally broadcast May 1969 - ah yes, I remember it like it was 33yrs ago..........which, of course - it is. So, I shall be watching them later on.

I've added a few bits n' pieces to the old weblog - down the side. They're just a couple of nice full colour graphiccy type things, most of them having a link to somewhere. All of them, again, with the help of Flexwindow.com - and that is the last time I mention them...honest. (By the way, a point to remember - when you 'archive' a weblog page which contains a Flexwindow script - be sure to delete the script first before you archive, otherwise the script will be unusable if you want to change it in your main page, because it will also change the archive page as well. It will all become crystal clear if you just use the damned thing ! Thank you ).

Well, it may not snow in Vancouver all the time...............but it's bloody freezing in the old UK ! Wrap up warm kids and dig out the thermals! I'm off to watch some nostalgic kids TV. "You've got to fight for what you want......."

Dr P

Hair Wax - the 'bees knees' in hair styling?

Several years ago, as most things seem to be nowadays, I lived in Brighton, Sussex on the south coast of England. It was, and still is, a great place to live. 'The Pink Coconut' (q.144 in the link - the questionnaire gives you an idea of the type of club it was !), on West Street, was an excellent place to go for a night out - any night of the week ;). It transformed itself into 'Paradox', 'Barcelona' and finally 'Creation'..............but it doesn't beat a Tuesday night 'doing the 'Time Warp' with yer mates ! And around the corner to that fish & chip shop that used to stay open until 2amish in the morning. More Brighton memories at a later date.
But what has this got to do with hair wax? Well, there I was - 'a bright young thing' with a barnet like a birds nest, and not a clue what to do with it. And as often happens, particularly when you're working in a shop full of girlies and you're talking about 'hair' , - you get a recommendation to go to a particular hair dressing salon/boutique etc - there were so many in Brighton - hell there had to be some place for the out-of-work-gay -hairdressers to hang out in and have a cappuccino - this was still in the days of instant coffee for the rest of the caffeine-intaking population. Those boys had style :) . So off I went to a trendy boutique - the 'Greenhouse' or 'Glasshouse' - and had all me hair shaved down to a Number 2, and then spiked up with hair wax . This was the first time I had had hair wax in my hair - it felt kinda weird. But not as weird as it felt later on that evening................
So, after a sweaty day's retailing I, showered & changed. As I had showered since getting my hair cut - I just grabbed a HANDFUL of  wax and shoved it on my head - it looked cool.........so far. And off I went to the pub where the birthday party was. The girl in question had hired the 'function room'. Under the rotating glittery silver ball, (yes - they had one!) , I strutted my funky stuff big-time. But the more I strutted - the more hot I got. And the more hot I got........the more the WAX STARTED TO MELT (!) - and pour down my forehead into my eyes. There reached a point in the dancing where I had to excuse myself as my eyes were stinging me to death - and I rushed off the dance floor to the toilets!
Now - if you thought that was funny - when I got into the toilets - it was a lot cooler - AND THE WAX STARTED TO HARDEN (!) on my forehead and eyes - I was staggering around in the bathroom clawing at my face, trying to find the sinks so I could wash all this stuff off! Needless to say word got out that there was a drunken leper shedding skin in the bathroom. And, not surprisingly enough, when I returned to the dance floor my dancing partner had vanished - do you think she heard the rumours ?

Dr P

Slippery & Wet.....(not that Bon Jovi album)...

An intriguing title, eh? This all stems from the inability to dry oneself properly after a shower. Now, there can be many reasons for this:

1. Alien abduction of all your towels - a little known, and yet - unrecorded phenomena.

2. You've got one of those 'all-over-walk-in' body dryers with lashings of hot usually blowing - but the house fuses have blown.

3. Alcohol - "I'll just get a little shower to freshen up before the wife gets home - she'll never know I've been drinking all afternoon" - and then you spend a frantic & abusive half hour trying to put on a nylon shirt and socks over wet skin.

4. You're stupid.

I don't actually suffer from any of these. My only reason for not being able to get dry is because, (as I 'wrote' in a short letter to my mother the other day - "Please excuse the wobbly writing - I have a hole in my hand!"), I have my right hand still bandaged from my Carpal Tunnel operation last Friday. I have to keep all water off it until the stitches come out........much fun! My darling wife came up with a remarkable device for keeping my hand dry whilst having a shower - cover it with a large freezer bag and double loop, (like when you, (girlies!), used to play 'elastics' in the playground), with an elastic band around my arm to keep it in place.
And I discovered something whilst painstakingly trying to dry myself with one hand - there's one area of my body, that, even with two hands, I never seem to be able to dry first time. I mean there is always water droplets there when I look. Understandably, the squeamish amongst you may soon be dreading the next few sentences. ("My God! What 'body part' is he going to mention!?"). The CHIN !!!!! Yes - under the chin - even with vigorous rubbing of my rough horse-hair animal blanket, I never seem to be able to remove water from underneath my chin? (And how could I possibly resist an extremely obvious link to that famous actor Kam Fong , (who sadly died recently)..................yes.........I'm waiting - he played Detective CHIN Ho Kelly in Hawaii 5-O ......come on people - keep up!). So now, I take great care in drying my head and chin first......then checking in the mirror later. Hopefully, I will master the technique so well that perhaps when both my hands are well again, I can continue the one-handed-chin-drying technique and use the other to, say,.....er....conduct orchestras perhaps - obviously the woodwind section would have to stand in the bath, and the strings would have to watch not to catch their bows on the shower curtain.....but I think it could be arranged.

Maybe just a jazz quartet.......or a folk trio actually. Do folk singers eat Digestives ?

Dr P

"Hello, good evening....and welcome..."

Welcome to the 'new look' "Blogging With Dr P...". I always fancied one of those weblogs that had a one colour background with 'hidden' columns. Now, I know this seems like a relatively straight forward thing to do, i.e. make all the columns background colours and 'cellpaddings' all the same colour - and that's it....easy isn't? But not so easy when you're staring at a webpage and wondering what easy-on-the-eye colour to make the background. I can't remember where I found this canvasy-type colour, it was someone's message board somewhere, and I thought - "Hey, that looks nice", so a right click and 'view the source' later, I had the hexadecimal code for the colour.
The piccies at the top of the page are all mine own work............me in fact ! With the help of my good friends at Flexwindow , and using the compression tool in Photoshop, the top three piccies are all less then 50kb, and therefore are able to be sent via email on the FREE Flexwindow account. (If you didn't read my advert/review of Flexwindow - it's in the November archives). If you're wondering where those piccies are from.......

• The 'thoughtful beach writer' is at Point Dume, Mailibu, USA - a self-potrait. I was there back in 1988.
• If you look very carefully you may see me attempting to 'relieve myself' aganst a conical shape tree in the backyard of the Palace of Versailles, Versailles, France. This was this year,2002. I know - I should know better by now - but what a photo opportunity!

There may be more little photo's etc appear, the more I get to use the Flexwindow magic ! For all the other people like Blogsnobs etc - I'll be putting the links/graphics back on soon.

So there we have it - cute, eh?

Dr P

It's all happening in the Guestbook!

Congratulations to Mr/Ms YZ for stepping forward and explaining that he/she is not from China. And a big thanks for a fuller explanation as to what a reviewer does,reaction to reviews, and why am I asking for a review in the first place - on which we both agree - vanity.
Still - I'm not going to re-print it all here...go have a look. Click on the "Yeah? So say it here :)" link below. Oh yes - and my good Guestbook buddie Doc Quantum also had a bit to say on the subject earlier in the day.

I love the internet :)

Dr P