Monday, October 27, 2003 11:39 a.m.

Currently listening to: The Quiet Things No one Ever Knows, Brand New

Every line is about who I don't want to write about anymore...

Rach's birthday thang on Saturday night...

I don't really know what to say about it. It was fine, yet... I had fun with Rach anyway, and with Rou which doesn't happen that often. The dinner was good, my food was good. The guy I didn't know that was molesting me between clubs was hilarious good. And some of the time with Candice was like nothing bad ever was. I miss her so much, and she doesn't care, and it's definitely over, we are definitely over. And I finally figured out why that hurts so much. No one tells me they love me anymore. So much, she used to tell me she loved me, and now no one does. No, she has new friends, friends in some kind of category I no longer can fit into. You don't need me, you probably never did. I'm the one lacking in social skills, right? A question of you or me? It was always you, with me as extra fucking extra. With my vague but incessant complaints and regret and always too late. All you need to know is I miss you and it cuts me all up like this song does and that you couldn't even tell me you miss me has ended this forever. *mental slap* God Liz, stop being so dramatic! You'll live! I mean, it's not like she took a metaphorical knife and shoved it through your chest, is it? No! Yes! No! Yes! NO! Get over yourself and everything else!

I smell kind of like banana which is creepy on all sorts of levels. For one, there's no bananas in this entire house. Even if there was I certainly wouldn't be going near them. So... what is with that? Grapefruits are not very nice. I'm attempting to haul my arse through one now, and so far I've eaten one eighth of it. I hate to imagine attempting the fabled Grapefuit Diet. I've got nowhere I have to be and nothing I have to do today, so I figured an internet marathon would be good celebration, especially since I wasn't on here at all on the weekend. I miss Candice. Am I allowed to say that? Or am I no longer permitted to mention her name at all? Well?! Am I breaking the rules? Does my having lost the plot break your rules too?

My head is empty and full at the same time, and all I can think about is how horribly pathetic I must look from the outside looking in. So tell me... is this effort worth it? This is why sometimes my mouth stays shut. That, unfortunately, does not stay my fingers from movement over the keyboard. The End.

Friday, October 24, 2003 08:53 a.m.

Currently listening to: The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows, Brand New

I'm sick. I'm actually, not fake, real deal, SICK. And because I'm an "adult" now, I have to go to work anyway! Yay! Not only that, but I have to catch an earlier bus because I haven't got Rach a birthday present and her birthday thang is tomorrow night. Wait, I could get it tomorrow morning! Yes! No, I still have to go early today so that I can look around a get some idea of what I'm getting her. I never know what to get people for their birthday. Hers was a month ago and still haven't bought her anything, what does that say? I just never know what people will like. It's probably got something to do with my knowing how difficult it is to buy presents for me... but I haven't figured out how the two are related yet. But I'm sure there's a connection. Surely.

I may buy new clothes today. I haven't gotten anything new in ages (except, of course, my White Stripes and Goldfinger shirts which don't really count) and I don't have anything that could be considered "nice". Apparently, this restaurant we're going to tomorrow? Yep, nice! My family is not a "nice" or a "fancy" people. But I guess I'll do alright. Hopefully there'll be none of my moments in which I shame myself beyond all measure. Rach, if you somehow end up reading this, don't worry. I'll be fine ^_^. Wahey, go me. I almost tripped over the cord from the iron as I was bringing the fan over here.

I'm still listening to that song I said I was listening to up there ^, and I love it so much that it makes me do a stupid little dance during the chorus. Oh, and I finally cleaned the front of my shoes; they were looking really crappy before. They're really not lasting as long as a cost of $70 would imply. They're coming apart everywhere, and you can barely read the 'ALL STAR' on the back. I suppose wearing them every single day for three months can do that. That's... ninety-three days I've been wearing them for. A lot. Thing is, I haven't got money to replace them. Shizer. The End.

Thursday, October 23, 2003 10:48 a.m.

Currently listening to: Mixtape, Brand New

Ok, I've come to a decision. Brand New is the greatest "emo" band ever. EVER. I taped Rage last Friday night (like, all of it), and Ok, I already loved their song Seventy Times 7, from their first album. But at about 4am there was a song from their new album, called The Quiet Things That No one Ever knows, complete with filmclip of girlfriend-dying-in-car-accident, and it was like, God, being shot in the stomach. You know how some music is just that good? Like, stab, right there. And the singer is not attractive, so that's not it. Gah. I love them.

So... it looks like the PTB of Australian sellers of music have decided we are worthy to buy their second album. So do it. Fucking do it. Do it, do it, do it. This is a message from God. No, it's a message from me but come on, you know that's just as good!

Thursday, October 23, 2003 09:55 a.m.

Currently listening to: Jade Law and a Semester Abroad, Brand New

Right now I'm updating my list of CDs to purchase. It's over 100 CDs long at the moment, I think; I got bored counting halfway through. But it's OK, because it's not one of those stupid little "Oh, I have to get these CDs right now! No, this is all the CDs I want to get, ever. If I don't want a CD enough for it to go on my list, I don't want it enough! So I don't let myself buy anything that isn't on the list. No spontaneous purchases. Although I do kind of allow for spontaneous purchases by listing anything that kind of makes me go "Yeah, I could see myself having that." This is why I have several Dashboard Confessional albums on there. Also Loveless, by My Bloody Valentine, of which I've heard nothing. But I think I'll like it.

Now that I've gotten that bizarre explanation out of the way, I have to textually shriek over how excited I was when I saw two girls at Livid wearing Level 27 shirts! Augh! Billy-lovers, right friggin' there! I didn't think there was anyone that could afford to pay almost seventy dollars just to import a T-Shirt, but I guess I was wrong. If only I could afford it. Mm... Billy...

The Strokes' new album came out on Monday, so now I want that. It's on the list ^_^. The new Something Corporate album came out on Tuesday in the US, so that's on the list too. Too much stuff for spending! I'm not going to save enough money for putting some distance between me and shit. Damn this damn shit! Normal people don't celebrate the release of CDs, do they? Well, too bad, this is what I do.

Images of Tony and Benji naked together dance through my head. Unfortunately, I now have to concentrate on preparing for work. No, naked images, don't leave me! Don't leave me with nothing but denim pants and black American shoes! American shoes are nothing compared to naked American boys! Benji, stop molesting your brother and stop breaking Tony's possibly non-existent heart. Joel, stop playing with yourself, and STOP BEING A BITCH. No, I don't like you. No, don't simulate self-love while I'm looking! For fuck's sake!

Off on a tangent, off on something. Benji 4 Tony 4 ever 4 REAL (Richey reference). <= That phrase there? Can't stop writing it all over me, complete with bracketed (Richey reference). But I really do have to get ready for work now, so ta! The End.

Wednesday, October 22, 2003 03:07 p.m.

Currently listening to: Empty Apartment, Yellowcard

Bah! I finally decide to come back, and this place decides a few days later to crap itself. I've been trying to write here for over a week, and it just wouldn't work. So... Livid! Boy Sets Fire were great. The singer was kinda gay. And they played the song! He was like, "This one's called My Life in the Knife Trade", and Anna and I started jumping up and down like special folk. They are really, really cool.

The White Stripes were incredible. Jack is incredible. And he'd teased all his hair up into a scary Robert Smith 'do, and looked friggin' cool. And they did their cover of Jolene! First, that's a funny song no matter who does it. Second, it reminds me of when we had cable TV, and Kathryn and I would watch the Country Music Channel because it was so funny, and they'd always show some woman's cover of that song. Third, hello?! Jack White warbling "Please don't take my man? Hee! Meg did Cold, Cold Night, and did it well, mind you. I was jigging it up ever so much when they played Hotel Yorba; that's definitely my favourite of their songs. I gotta get me some of their albums.

It was a really funny day. I will never forget when Mike from Linkin Park decided it would get us in the zone if he did the limpbizkit (note altered written form, heh) Rollin' dance whilst chanting "Like this, yo! Like this yo! Like this yo!", over and over. Beware of fat shirtless men in the dark, especially while watching the Resin Dogs. Oh, Lamb did Gabriel, so their performance was acceptable. I got my dagwood dog too, so I was happy. Oh, and they sold Langos! So that was my dinner. But not little pancakes, so fuck them.

I've got more to say, but I need to rest first. Which makes this The End... for now.

Tuesday, October 7, 2003 07:16 p.m.

Currently listening to: Man and Wife, the latter (Damaged Goods), Desaparecidos

I'm back, and I'm going nowhere. Why leave? Why give in to everyone who opposes me? Fuck that.

I was so depressed today. So depressed. I've fucked everything up for myself, and fuck me if I'm yet to learn how to live with it. I'm just so fucking lonely. So lonely. It's all my fault, all my fault. It's all my fault. I don't know what to do. The End.

Saturday, September 27, 2003 04:01 p.m.

Currently listening to: An Attempt to Tip the Scales, Bright Eyes

Ok, so I'm back. But not permanently; I'm only here to say this: I just called Candice, stressing like a motherfucka. No one was home. Looks like we're destined never to speak again. God, I feel sick.

Tuesday, September 23, 2003 10:42 p.m.

Currently listening to: November, Azure Ray

I hurt people's feelings at this place, don't I? So I'm killing it. Tonight Woah, Intense... dies. It's been here for two years now (September 19th was the two year anniversary), and maybe that's too long. I might be back, but I really don't know how likely that is. This sounds like a suicide note. I assure you it's not; I'm not the one dying. I'm sad, sure. But I'll live. Who needs the imaginary friend I've been talking to for this long? Not me! And sure, it's now like I've lost two friends instead of one. But I'll just have to live with that.

Since this place was young, I've loved the same person. I still fucking love him so much that it hurts. And if I come back, I'll still love him then. Sure, I don't feel the need to talk about it too often, but... my ankle still says RJE, doesn't it? I couldn't let this die without rewarding him with one last mention.

The time has come,
It's for the best, I know and
Who could have guessed that you and I
Somehow, some way, we'd have to say goodbye...

Talk about a stupid fucking way to finish! Lyrics from a song off the Pokémon soundtrack? What the fuck is that?! The End.

Thursday, September 18, 2003 09:09 a.m.

Currently listening to: I Wanna Be A Kennedy, Kill Hannah

I'm seeing Dirty Lucy tonight. Eee! They'd better to Simmer or I'll be most upset. Or disappointed. Bah, whatever. Ataris tomorrow, with Mum. I shouldn't have been so quick to delete what I wrote; I should have edited out the offending information instead, or reworded. I was so angry last night, so I'm glad I didn't write anything here until today. I'm much more level headed now, not that that saying makes any sense at all.

Anna and I are looking forward to Livid so very much. We're going to stay at my uncle Chris' place the night before, and then he's going to drive us, because he's going as well. Uncle Chris is cool. He used to have, like, 3000 CDs. They were stolen last year, which is the shittiest thing ever, because I used to just look at his CDs and go whoa... Anyway, that's Anna and my plans. Oh, I can't believe I'm going to see LAMB! They rock too fuckin' hard! That's a bit of a stupid thing to say though, because their music's pretty quiet. Maybe "They Rock Softly" would be more accurate. The End.

Wednesday, September 17, 2003 02:04 p.m.

CENSORED

Tuesday, September 16, 2003 12:57 a.m.

I just read everything I wrote here last November and now I miss school so much that I think I'm going to be sick. I guess I'm more lonely than I thought. But then... God, I don't even remember what I was going to say. I've got that horrible, aching feeling in my chest that appears sometimes. I miss watching the love between David and Paul being revealed to the world, I miss the fantastic sausage rolls, I miss the tuckshop having a bottle of BBQ sauce just for me (no one else in the school used it; I wonder if they bothered to keep it after I left), and our Ancient History class in which we never did anything, and asking Mr Dawes random questions about Labyrinth and things, I miss Siena Day and it's stupidity, I miss going to Biology and needing to do nothing because it was so easy and spending the lesson writing notes back and forth with Candice instead, I miss SOR with Rach and Jess because Mr Pollard knew the three of us were smarter than the rest of the class and made it obvious, I miss Nathan's "Molko and a Dog". I miss eating the same thing for lunch every day for two years and never getting sick of it, I miss playing games where someone illustrated a song's title and someone else guessed what the song was, I miss writing messages with apples on the cement, I miss my school diary, I miss the fun of covering my schoolbooks at the beginning of each year, I miss having a sense of purpose however misguided, I miss seeing my friends every day. I miss feeling like everyday wasn't being wasted.

I miss school.

Monday, September 15, 2003 11:36 p.m.

CENSORED

Sunday, September 14, 2003 09:30 p.m.

Currently listening to: The Saddest Song [alternate version], The Ataris

So... I did end up going to see The Pirate Movie. On Friday. With Rach and not Candice. She had something better to do. But oh, did I have fun anyway! The movie is wonderful; really, really fantastic. Johnny Depp makes the best, funniest pirate ever. I went and saw it again yesterday with Mum, Anna and Kathryn.

Candice saw Marilyn Manson last night, and got backstage. It makes me sad that I don't care. I should care. But I really just don't. I guess that sort of thing doesn't matter to me anymore. Like on Friday, when I see the Ataris? All I care about is that they play my song. And if I get a second choice, I want The Saddest Song, because that's champion too. I don't need to meet them. It's enough that they play for me.

Of course, I'm probably being a complete hypocrite. Because some people would make me feel different. It's just... I don't want to talk about it. The End.

Thursday, September 11, 2003 09:05 a.m.

Currently listening to: No Lies, Just Love, Bright Eyes

Placebo are releasing a two-CD version of Sleeping With Ghosts in the UK. The second CD will have ten covers on it, some of which they have done before, and others that are new. One of them? Running Up That Hill by Kate Bush. Shite, man! They're covering KATE! I haven't heard it yet (not downloadable for a while), but am muchly excited.

I'm getting the two-DVD cKy trilogy today if I can find it for under thirty-five dollars. Why? Because I looove them. I love Bam, and I love Jess Jess, and I love Ryan (although I don't know why) and I wish I didn't love Raab Himself, but I do. I also desperately want to see Bam's Chinese freestyle, and it's possible it'll be on there. I've actually written myself a shopping list today. On said list: Blutac, a new pen, and a black star badge from Moshpit. Must go now. The End.

Wednesday, September 10, 2003 11:37 a.m.

Currently listening to: Escape from Hellview, cKy

Just for the hell of it: Bam on a ladder

Ta-da! The End.

Wednesday, September 10, 2003 11:08 a.m.

Currently listening to: Morningstar, AFI

Bam is SEX. Fuck it, I just look at him and the end of the Casio skit comes to mind immediately. Ooooooaaah...

Ok, now that that's out of my system, I think I'm over-obsessed this time. Remember when I was all "I have to stop thinking about Richey because it makes me feel physical sick with love for him"? And Brian, too? Well, I've fuckin' gone and fallen in love with a bloody skateboarder. I think it could be something to do with my being fairly well deprived of human contact recently. Maybe if I end up going to see the Pirate Movie with Candice and Rach (whom I haven't seen for about a month) tomorrow my illness will go away. That's seriously what it feels like. I think of Bam, and my stomach cramps like crazy, and I get a desperate craving to watch cKy4 over and over and over. Aw shit... I just found out that Bam was at the VMAs. Like I wasn't desperate to watch them already! Oh shit, HE INTRODUCES GOOD CHARLOTTE! I just read then that my Bam introduces my band! How the fuck do I see this thing?! HOW?!

Of course, I'll spend the rest of the day obsessing over whether they'll ever show the VMAs here, and stressing that even if they do, I'll probably miss them. Damn, but I suck. The End.

Tuesday, September 9, 2003 10:50 p.m.

Currently listening to: Red Vines, Aimee Mann

I'm stressing again. I'm stressing severely that I won't be able to get the Kerrang that has Ville on the cover, because last time he was on the cover of a magazine I didn't end up getting it because it was sold. I know it's a stupid thing to worry about, but I can't help it. Just when I was relaxing because I had nothing else coming in the mail to wait for (and stress about said things never arriving) something as stupid as this comes along. You know what pisses me off the most, though? That certain people who wouldn't even know who the hell Ville is if it weren't for me may get it instead of me. Of course, if those people were to read that, I'd really appreciate it if you didn't get angry at me. I'm just trying to hang the blame for my intense stress on anything I can.

Headlines:
Two days until the Pirate Movie!
Ten days until The Ataris!
Two weeks (exactly) until Haggard!
Yayness!

Monday, September 8, 2003 04:30 p.m.

Currently listening to: Sara's Mask, cKy

Time for an update on my employment situation. Next Tuesday morning I am meeting with the manager of HMV to arrange my working voluntarily for them without getting paid. Apparently they get on more people for the Christmas shopping season, so if I've already been working for them for nothing they're pretty likely to just start paying me rather than getting in someone brand new (heh, Brand New is goood, but anyway). So I have to be great. This is what my life is, this is what I'm good at; I just have to show them that. Tomorrow I'll start listening to the radio again. I think one week should be enough to catch up with how the chart music is going. The End.

Monday, September 8, 2003 11:53 a.m.

Currently listening to: Out Of Reach, The Get Up Kids

I love Conor Oberst. Love him with everything I've got in me, if that isn't too clichéd for you. I love that I can feel the way I do about him without the hypocrisy involved with my loving Bam or the devasting sadness I feel from loving Richey.

Oh. My. GOD! I'm at the Skinnys Website, and HAGGARD IS COMING OUT ON SEPTEMBER 23. Holy Fucking YES! I am so hilariously excited about this movie. Like, more excited than I am about the Pirate movie, and everyone knows how excited I am about that one. Speaking of the pirate movie, that's starting on Thursday... I think. Wait, I'll check the website.
Checking... checking...
(a few minutes later)

Holy FUCK! My Robin Black CD just arrived! MY ROBIN BLACK CD JUST ARRIVED! The Pirate Movie starts on Thursday, but SHIT, IT'S HERE! Must go, Too Excited. The End.

Sunday, September 7, 2003 10:53 p.m.

Currently listening to: Greater Omaha, Desaparecidos

I think the problem with me (or one of the problems, anyway) is that having people I know admit that they are of a sexuality that differs from what is accepted as normal is too grown-up for me. I have this bizarreness where I don't want to be old enough for things. I don't want to be eighteen. It's why I have a special relationship with In This Diary by The Ataris.

Today was Father's Day. I'd talk about our family outing, but I can't be bothered. However, I will say that after careful research I have come to the conclusion that the most fun thing to do when drunk is just to sit at the computer listening to all of the best songs. That fuckin' rocks.

Thursday, September 4, 2003 07:33 p.m.

I love Billy! Extract from Billy's profile at GoodCharlotte.com:

All About Me:

Go see "Pirates of the Caribbean", it rules!

Like I didn't desperately want to see it already!

Wednesday, September 3, 2003 11:22 a.m.

Currently listening to: Richard Marxism, Mest

Yes! It went in the mail yesterday! Unfortunately they're estimating an arrival date between September 18 and October 11. But at least it's on it's way.

Wednesday, September 3, 2003 10:54 a.m.

Currently listening to: An Attempt To Tip the Scales, Bright Eyes

It's been several days since I said anything worthwhile. Stop your bitchin'! On Thursday last week Candice and I went to Brisbane, and I spent over two hundred dollars on CDs and DVDs. But yay to now owning the Mest DVD, finally. Very excited. Of course, I haven't watched it yet; I haven't gotten the chance. But tonight (after stupid work) I'm going to see Finding Emo (sorry, that's NEMO. Yeah, sure it is) with Candice, and then I'm going to her house, and I'm gonna watch it! Yes!

Ooh, guess what finally came in the mail?! My Mest and GC badges I got off ebay! Yes, yes, yes! I was so excited yesterday when I got home, and there they were! That's two out of three ordered things arrived. Now all I need is my CDs from America. Mmm, Robin Black. So excited... I'm off to the amazon site to see if it's in the mail yet. Probably not, but here's me hoping. The End.

Friday, August 29, 2003 10:52 p.m.

Go here to see a picture of Good Charlotte at the VMAs.

Notes:
- Paul looks different, but still bad
- Billy looks like a member of Marilyn Manson, yet lovely
- Benji looks like a ghetto trucker. He should not be wearing that denim vest.
- Joel's outfit: good. Joel's facial expression: bad
- Chris' tie is disgusting, the rest of his outfit is boring.

But yay for them, winning the Viewers' Choice award!

Tuesday, August 26, 2003 10:17 p.m.

Currently listening to: Sweet Avenue, Jets To Brazil

For my own amusement only. I have re-done a quiz I posted here on my birthday last year. The original posting can be found at the top of the Archive 11 page. I think it's kind of interesting comparing the two. But I'm into that sort of thing. Anyway...

Quiz
10 current favorite songs
01. "The Greatest Fall (of all time)" - Matchbook Romance
02. "A Better Son/Daughter" - Rilo Kiley
03. "Woke Up In A Car" - Something Corporate
04. "Richard Marxism" - Mest
05. "In This Diary" - The Ataris
06. "Black Cherry" - Goldfrapp
07. "Merman" - Tori Amos
08. "Bury Me Deep Inside Your Heart" - HIM
09. "Seventy Times 7" - Brand New
10. "In Remote Part/Scottish Fiction" - Idlewild

9 all-time favorite movies
01. "Heavyweights"
02. "Hedwig and the Angry Inch"
03. "Withnail and I"
04. "Velvet Goldmine"
05. "Labyrinth"
06. "Rocky Horror Picture Show"
07. "A Very Goofy Movie"
08. "Anne of Green Gables: the sequel"
09. "Moulin Rouge"

8 all-time favorite TV shows
01. "Friends"
02. "Doctor Who"
03. "Daria"
04. "South Park"
05. "Pokémon"
06. "Father Ted"
07. "Friends"
08. "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" [UK version]

7 current favorite CDs
01. "So Long, Astoria" - The Ataris
02. "The Used" - The Used
03. "Wasting Time" - Mest
04. "Razorblade Romance" - HIM
05. "The All-American Rejects" - The All-American Rejects
06. "Little Earthquakes" - Tori Amos
07. "Mest" - Mest

6 favorite places to visit
01. Brisbane, ah the pretty city (that was pretty shitty)
02. Canberra, for CD bargains and champion cousins
03. Woodford
04. Relatives. I like relatives.
05. Book stores
06. CD stores

5 boys (or girls) that rock your socks
01. Richey, as always.
02. Bam Margera
03. Tony Lovato and Benji Madden (together)
04. Ville Valo
05. Conor Oberst

4 things you absolutely can't live without
01. Music
02. The Internet
03. Diet Coke
04. Richey
[note: these answers did not need to be updated]

3 favorite beverages
01. Diet Coke
02. Water
03. Blue Cruiser

2 all-time favorite books
01. That Sweet Valley Twins book I always talk about where the dolls come alive that I no longer have a copy of but would really love to replace
02. The Madolescents by Chrissie Glazebrooke

1 item you never leave home without
1. Lately? The earrings in my newly-pierced ears.

Monday, August 25, 2003 10:49 p.m.

Currently listening to: Merman, Tori Amos

I never realise just how much I love Tori Amos until I go awhile without listening to her, and then start listening again. She is truly, honestly wonderful. I think I've waited long enough; it's time for me to get the rest of her albums. She's the greatest female musician/artist in the world.

Buy Lipstick Traces? Pick the Ataris tickets up from the post office? Done and done. I also returned my overdue library books today, and got out two new ones. I can't emphasise enough just how excited I am about getting to hear The Ataris do In This Diary live. I know they will, because it was an American single. God damn, but I love that song.

It's looking like another Brisbane trip is coming up. I'm not going to have a great deal of money, but as long as I can afford the a Rilo Kiley album, a Bright Eyes album, and the Mest DVD (if it's still there; praying, praying!) then I'll be happy. I wouldn't mind an AFI shirt, but I can live without it. Of course, if I find the fourth HIM album that goes straight to the head of the 'To Buy' queue. I want the Taking Back Sunday album too, though, dammit. Ok, if I got all of those things it would add up to... about two hundred dollars, and that's without a train ticket. Let's just hope we go after I get paid this week, or there'll be a lot of diappointment. The End.