Wednesday, May 7, 2003 08:39 p.m.

Currently listening to: The Young and the Hopeless, Good Charlotte [acoustic version]

It took me three days to answer the questions in this music-related quiz. Bow before me, for I am crap.

01. What was the first record you owned? I think the first album I owned personally was To The Faithful Departed by the Cranberries, which I got when I was eleven or twelve.

02. What was the first record you ever bought? I honestly have no idea. But if singles count, it was probably the This is how we party single by SOAP.

03. If you had someone of the opposite sex coming over you were trying to impress, which CDs would you hide? None. Not even The Spice Girls. I’m not ashamed of myself.

04. What song reminds you most of your childhood? ABBA, anything ABBA. And Ode To My Family and Zombie by The Cranberries. Also California Dreaming. A lot of others, too. I had a musical childhood.

05. if you could spend the night with five musicians - three for their minds and two for their bodies - who would they be?
minds: Richey James Edwards, Nicky Wire and Kate Bush
body: Brian Molko and Maxi Browne and/or Robin Black

06. If your life was a movie, which song would you have played over the following:
opening credits: Dancing Queen, ABBA
love scenes: Underwear, Pulp
closing credits: Day That I Die, Good Charlotte. How appropriate.

07. If applicable, name a song or concert that moved you to tears: Song? Too f’ckin many. Let’s list some in alphabetical order by artist! The Winner Takes It All, ABBA; Hyperballad, Bjork; The Universal, Blur; Something Vague and Centre of the World, Bright Eyes; Close Your Eyes (Buffy and Angel Love Theme), Christophe Beck; Fields of Gold, Eva Cassidy; Never is a Promise, Fiona Apple; Drive You Home, Garbage; Breathe In Now, george; The Origin of Love, from Hedwig; River, Joni Mitchell; I promise you, Judith Owen; Moments of Pleasure, and This Woman’s Work, Kate Bush; Gabriel and Gorecki, Lamb; many, many Manics songs; Are You sad, Our Lady Peace; many, many Placebo songs; Sunshine (part2), Rebecca Wright; When She Loved Me, Sarah McLachlan; Two beds and a coffee machine and The Lover After Me, Savage Garden; Stay, Shakespear’s Sister; The Wild Ones, Suede; Trust, The Cure; several songs by The Waifs; many, many Tori Amos songs; Alright, Women in Docs. And more that I couldn’t be bothered adding.

08. What do you listen to when you are...? happy: Robin Black and the IRS. The happiest band in the world. Also Motown Junk by the Manics, because you can’t not dance.
sad : Manic Street Preachers and Trust by The Cure
angry: Suffocate, King Adora
drunk: I never get to choose the fucking soundtrack to my drunkenness. But I always sing a random selection, which usually includes the Idiot song from Monty Python’s Flying Circus. Wait, Last time I sang Heroine by Rachel Stamp.

09. Name a song you would rather never hear again: All Jennifer Lopez. Because she’s so god damn dull.

10. What now defunct band you most like to see live (living or dead)? Richey-era Manics. My life would be complete. But it’ll never happen, and so I’m forever half-empty.

11. Name a record that is perfect all the way though. There’s no such thing as a perfect album all the way through. Wait, ABBA’s Arrival comes pretty close.

12. Music you like that could be considered a guilty pleasure. Oh so much. ABBA, Good Charlotte, Sum 41, Avril Lavigne, Meatloaf, Bonnie Tyler and assorted others.

13. If your music collection were about to go up in flames, which 5 CDs would you save? I’d save the CDs I paid the most for or are more difficult to get, so that the rest are easier to replace. So that would be the Velvet Goldmine soundtrack ($50), God Bless Miss Black America by Miss Black America and Vibrate You by King Adora (both imported from England), This is my truth tell me yours by the Manics ($32) and Without You I’m Nothing by Placebo (my favourite album ever)

14. Is there a song that describes you or a situation you've been in so well that you could have written it? Too many.

15. Which underrated artist deserves more attention? Robin Black and King Adora, for God’s snack. Why has no one heard pf them? Because people are stupid, that’s why!

16. Has a song or artist changed your life in any way? if so, how? Placebo changed my life. They completely altered the way I look at music and attractive men. Then came the Manics a few months later to fuck me up some more.

17. What is your favourite soundtrack? Velvet Goldmine! Wait, it’s possibly that Hedwig’s soundtrack could be more enjoyable all the way through. I don’t own it, so I’m not sure.

18.best music-related movie. Velvet Goldmine and Pink Floyd’s The Wall.

19. what would your dream band be?

vocals: Brian Molko
back-up vocals: Kate Bush and Mister Mathers
guitar: Richey J. Brian can help him, since he’ll be there singing anyway.
bass: Nicky Wire
drums: No one cares about drummers! But I suppose I’ll choose Steve.
keyboards: Damon Albarn (yes, I know that’s not what he plays, but he has played them.

20. what is your all-time favourite video? Pure Morning, Placebo, Loves Sweet Exile, both versions of You Love Us and Motown Junk, Manic Street Preachers and Like A Prayer, Madonna.

Tuesday, May 6, 2003 09:30 p.m.

I know I'm not a good writer. When I read back over this damn thing, I'm cringing at every sentence. Oh, what I'd give to be able to express myself well with this stupid language of ours. But I'm pulling myself out of the denial that's been going on forever. I suck. I'm complete and utter crap. I mean, just read what I've written today! Not! Eloquent! Reading other epople's online diaries is like having my crappiness rubbed in my face. But I've always been a masochist. Mmm, spank me again. Spank me on the arse with how shitty I am. Why do I bother? I have no idea. The End.

Sunday, May 4, 2003 01:42 a.m.

Day That I Die, Good Charlotte

Candice's birthday is in ten days (wait, according to the time, it's now nine days) and she's the first of us to be legal. Oooooo... Impressive... No, seriously! I've collected some pictures from around and about that I think are perfect for the occasion, and I imagine everyone will be thrilled when they make their appearance. Sure, I'll give her a real present too. But it just won't represent my love for her quite as well! I looove you, Happy Birthday, ma'dear! The End.

Saturday, May 3, 2003 04:40 p.m.

Currently listening to: Say Anything Good Charlotte

Holy crap. I've just found a guy who is so thrilled about the idea of Roy Orbison wrapped in clingfilm that he made a website about it. Now that's scary. The End.

Friday, May 2, 2003 11:16 p.m.

Currently listening to: Simmer Dirty Lucy

Now I must announce the most brilliant news that I have ever had the orgasmic pleasure of announcing. I found out Placebo are coming to Australia in July, last week (that's not the news). I didn't want to say anything until I knew for sure, but now I do... Candice and I are seeing them at Splendour In The Grass in Byron Bay on July 20. We. Are Seeing. BRIAN. Holy fuck, I'm excited. I'm almost pissing myself with excitement. That really didn't need to be shared... The End.

Wednesday, April 30, 2003 09:43 p.m.

Currently listening to: cars driving past and thoughts running about

I wrote a rough copy for this here entry at "work", which recommenced today. Good-eeee. Anyway...

I love slash. Boyslash. Manslash (hee! Sounds fun!). Not girlslash, that's boring. But the rest is all good! At the mopment I'm reading Good Charlotte slash. I have a weakness for twincest. Yuck, right? In most cases, I too think incest makes for pretty ick fanfic, too. The Hanson ones I read were disturbed. But I like Weasley twins stuff. And now I've found that Benji/Joel is even better! Add Billy (la Beautiful) and its all extremely hot. Extremely. Hot. Ooh, and Julian/Nick/The Strokes slash. So hot. And Julian with fictional Jason. Mm... Hot... The End.

Tuesday, April 29, 2003 04:01 a.m.

Currently listening to: This Picture, Placebo

Well, I'm not completely gay, this I now know for sure. No gay girl could be as thrilled as I am by guy-on-guy action. And God, do I love it. That scene in Y Tu Mama Tambien? Where the two guys finally fucking kiss at the end? The most... exciting (yes, in that way) thing I've ever seen. I cannot resist guys who are attracted to each other. These days that's normal, I think. Yay for normal me! The End.

Sunday, April 27, 2003 11:37 p.m.

I've been drinking. Not in the last 24 hours, but before that? Whoa! Drunk! And I've over-shared again, just like I always do. Of course, it had to work out better than last time, since I'm really not planning to shame myself beyond repair again, ever. And yet, whether I do awful things or not, I always regret the things that I (and others) have said. Because there is such a thing as over-sharing, and that's what always happens. I also fell over sort-of-on-purpose, and got a really bad carpet burn on my knee. It really hurts.

My hair is now bright red and maroon. Having decided to go to the hairdresser, I came away (after three-and-a-half hours) with more of a change than was planned. I like it, though. It's funky. The End.

Tuesday, April 22, 2003 09:09 p.m.

"One day you'll see a strange little girl feeling blue..."
Which Strange Little Girl would you be?
This quiz made while Angel was procrastinating her ass off.

Tuesday, April 15, 2003 02:12 p.m.

Currently listening to: Behold! The Night Mare, Smashing Pumpkins

I'm starting to think it's hopeless. The odds of me getting a job are about as high as the odds of... well, they're just not at all high, OK? The End.

Friday, April 11, 2003 11:28 p.m.

Currently listening to: Trust, The Cure

I'm losing grip, not in an Avril Lavigne way, but instead in a going crazy, throwing unnaturally loud tantrums way. Damn, but I want to spank myself. And no kidding, I did not mean that in an unsavoury way. The End.

Tuesday, April 8, 2003 11:49 p.m.

Currently listening to: Sylvia Plath Ryan Adams

At the end of Angel tonight, before the credits, a black screen appeared. On it was written 'In Loving Memory of Glenn Quinn'. Shocked and fearful, I went to the bulletin boards at TWoP. He died on Tuesday, December 3, 2002. Doyle's dead. Doyle's DEAD. One of the first actors I truly loved hasn't been alive for four months, and I never knew. Rest in Peace, lovely. Go to the happy place people are meant to go to.

Do people still have accents in heaven?

Monday, April 7, 2003 11:46 p.m.

Justin and Ethan are the most darling, moving of boys when they're together. And sure, I feel sorry that Brian's been rejected. But who could deny it that it's his own fault? No one. If Ethan would only just shave that GD thing off his chin, he'd be damn near perfect. Oh, how I love them together.

Once upon a time I wanted to learn to play the violin. Long before Anna even picked one up, that's what I wanted to play. But one was never available until it was too late. And now it'll always be too late. Born too soon, started too late, just like they say. The End.

Sunday, April 6, 2003 08:48 p.m.

Currently listening to: Heroine, Rachel Stamp [not a woman's name!]

For some reason someone has left two uncooked spaghetti strands on the computer desk. I think I might eat it. Mmm... uncooked spaghetti is oh-so-crunchy.

Life as a House has the best looking boy I've ever seen in a movie. I mean in relation to his faboo make-up, of course. As far as honest-to-G attractiveness, he is shameful. But oh, the beauty-enhancing products on his face! The End.

Monday, March 31, 2003 12:34 p.m.

Currently listening to: My Sweet Rose, Rachel Stamp

You can put as much effort into remembering the important days as you like. It doesn't make the loss of the unimportant ones any easier. I don't remember what happened last Monday, and nothing will put that back into my head. It's gone forever. The End.

Sunday, March 30, 2003 10:03 p.m.

Currently listening to: The Center of the World, Bright Eyes

I cannot foresee any way my life could either go or end well. There is no future that isn't a dull and empty. Think about it. Where can we go? What is earned by the time we reach the end? I could travel the world, and I'd still end up the same: ending without notice, without an important history. And each one of you is the same. What have you accomplished by the end? Nothing. Why is life worth while? It's not.

And I'm lonely. I see so few, and I'm liked and or appreciated by fewer. Talk about sad, at seventeen I'm still upset when people I thought considered me a friend do not invite me to their birthday parties. I cannot abide such rejection. Because my life has always been this way, and I will not suddenly be able to cope, where previously I could not. At least I am not built up before each disappointment; this way I don't have as far to fall. The End.

Friday, March 28, 2003 10:24 p.m.

Currently listening to: American English, Idlewild

I'm getting the new Placebo album tomorrow, finally. GD, it came out five days ago! It's just not fair that I had to wait so long. But oh, free T-Shirt! Eeeeee! And Candice is coming with me to get it, so it'll be a small congregation of Brian lovers buying Brian products. If only his hair would grow back, though... The End.

Wednesday, March 26, 2003 10:24 p.m.

Currently listening to: Love Song, The Cure

I had kind of a panic attack today. I have to go and see a counsellor tomorrow. Woo. And. Hoo. It was meant to be my day off between two days on, and now I can't even sleep in because I have to go to Dad's with Mum at 7:30 tomorrow morning. Shïzer and suck.

It's raining and so beautiful. Lovely and lovely. The End.

Tuesday, March 25, 2003 10:56 a.m.

Currently listening to: Not the Red Baron, Tori Amos

I realised something last night, when the A Sorta Fairytale (by my Tori) was on Channel [V]. The guy in it is that Adrien Brody guy who won a Best Actor Oscar last night. I think. If it isn't, it's surely got to be his twin, that's how similar they look. Speaking of Oscars, YAY NICOLE! And yay me, I'm finally seeing her in The Hours this afternoon. It's about time.

Now I have a confession to make... I am in love with Daniel Day Lewis. Stop looking at me like that! I know he's kind of old! I know he's way too masculine for me! But I still loooove him. I mean, he's no Rupert Graves (who I looooove more than is healthy), but it's love, just the same. Well, not just the same, but... hey, I've covered this already! I was so sad when he didn't win the Best Actor Oscar. Except if it wasn't him, I was glad it was Pianist guy instead. Although Michael Caine would have been good too. I love him too, but in an 'he is pretty old' way. The End.

Thursday, March 20, 2003 09:30 p.m.

War again. Let's all bomb Baghdad! That was me at my most sarcastic, by the bye. Johnny's speech tonight was heartbreaking; that's how badly it was written. He must have written it himself. Too much hatred everywhere. The End.

Tuesday, March 18, 2003 02:44 p.m.

Currently listening to: To Wish Impossible Things, The Cure

War! What is it good for? I don't know, but according to the *cough* special *cough, choke splutter* leader of our country, and that bloody Bush, it's apparently good for something. And John Howard was hilarious this morning on the news, talking about how, "Oh, George'll be calling any minute, obviously before he makes his midday announcement!". Then some footage of Johnny on the phone was followed by footage of Georgie on a Whitehouse phone. Mum and I cracked up laughing. He's so pathetic, and desperate to be George's friend! The End.

Wednesday, March 12, 2003 02:52 p.m.

Currently listening to: Hey Jupiter, Tori Amos

I'm bored and I'm lonely. Usually I would have at least had my (devastatingly) unpaid work yesterday, but because Tracey (my benefactress, also known as my person I know and am able to cope with the unknown in the presence of) had to go to Brisbane. So I'm going to be at home all this week by myself. Wait, there's only like two days left of this week. We'll all be dead before we know it, won't we...

There's been a patching up of sorts, of the problems between us and the O'Sullivans. We went with the Badinskis to their new house on Saturday. Sure it was fun, but if Candice hadn't been there I would have been bored to premature, blissful death. As they say, 'We are not of them'. The End.

Sunday, March 9, 2003 05:38 p.m.

My precious old lady bag that I got for one dollar has been stolen, along with all the stuff I always carry around with me, my drivers licence (which had, like, the best picture of me ever) and my bank card, both of which I only just re-got, having lost the originals months ago. Some joke of a human being smashed Mum's car window and took it while we were climbing up and down Mount Coolumn. I am devastated. The picture of Richey I had with me for luck in the QCS last year was in my purse, and now it's gone. Gone, gone, gone, along with Mum's Boots17 lipstick, which Brian likes. Lipstick use us validated when Brian approves, god dammit. God Dammit. The End.

Thursday, March 6, 2003 12:04 p.m.

Currently listening to: I'm With You, Avril Lavigne

I'm going to see Avril in June. AVRIL!!! Ok, so I'm not meant to like her, but I feel so cool anyway. I am so cool! And it was Mum's idea (we're all going; Mum, Anna, Kathryn and I) so it's bizarre as well as cool. Who'd have thought. Anna and I have vowed to dress as anti-Avril fan as possible. No ties for us, thanks.

I officially cancelled my learnings on Tuesday. I went to the uni and pulled out. Then in celebration I went to Two Dollar Land (where... everything is two dollars. Wow...) and bought a pair of glasses that look like the ones that Richey wore for a little while and Seymour Glass wears all the time. Because they're reading glasses with the strongest magnification you can get (+3.50) I had to smash out the lenses. I'm just going to wear the frames. Because I'm special like that. The End.

Tuesday, March 4, 2003 12:16 a.m.

Rach and Shay broke up. I didn't find out from Rach, though. Candice had to tell me, when she stayed here on Friday night. We accidentally talked until 5am, which led to some unpleasant tiredness. But it was fun.

In the last three days I've bought the Manics' Forever Delayed, a dual-purples feather boa (which cost less than a third if what my black one cost) and a plastic silver tiara, for only two freakin' dollars. Oh, and I got a string of old lady beads to go with my old lady bag today. I've got to stop spending money though. In six days The Bitter End will be out, and I'm so excited I just might fall off my chair. Whee! The End.

Thursday, February 27, 2003 09:39 p.m.

Currently listening to: Caught A Lite Sneeze, Tori Amos

I have decided that there will be no tertiary education for me this year. Instead I am working at a second hand store for St Vincent de Paul (not getting paid, mind you) redesigning the hideous things they're meant to sell. I also had an interview today for a job as a Junior office type person at a Nambour law firm, but I neither want, nor think I'm going to get, the job. I'm not putting that much effort into something I won't even enjoy.

My life features the sewing of clothes and reading at the moment. It took me a week-and-a-half to read Sons and Lovers, then three days to read (after wanting to for ages) The Picture of Dorian Gray by the highly worshipable Oscar Wilde, if such an adjective existed for describing him. I finished that today, then read all of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe for the first time. Having done with that by 2pm, I started my Mum's copy of Selected Poems by T.S. Eliot and Wuthering Heights. So far I'm enjoying Wuthering Heights more.

Thursday, February 20, 2003 10:54 p.m.

Currently listening to: Heaven Can Wait, Meat Loaf

I'm unhappy. I'm tired. The End.

Tuesday, February 18, 2003 02:46 a.m.

Went to the uni. It's shitty. But I did see Nicky and Amy, and Josie and Rebecca. So that was kind of cool. But still so, so shit at the same time. The End.

Saturday, February 15, 2003 07:29 p.m.

Currently listening to: Let's Build a Snowman, from Cannibal! The Musical

New picture up the top. New Picture! Yeh, excited and proud and a little nervous about being without Richey up there for the first time in about eight months. Anyway...

So Mum was right. She knew I was all with the bad anxiety thing, and now that the idea of uni is coming to fruition, I just can't go. I'm too scared. I can't do it. So I'm not. My instability has finally had a severe impact. Mum says I should just try again next year, but I don't know. The idea of all of those people I don't know, the idea of going somewhere that I can see my high school right there, it's just not going to happen. It just won't. The End.