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{ Saturday, April 5, 2003 }
Hey, you know the kind of satisfaction you get when you think, "Hey atleast the 18 year old ghetto chick is not marrying the 38 year old with 2 kids!" And it's like...all is right with the world AND, more importantly, you're not the only lonely sack of crap out there. But then the 38 year old, with two kids, who cheated on the 18 year old ghetto chick, says some romantic garbage he got out of a Julia Roberts movie, and they're back together. ...Is it just me? I won't bother getting into it now. My moitor is fucked up because of Jedi Knight 2. It's a pretty fun game, I mean, Kyle Katarn is the man. "I'm no Jedi, I'm just a man with a lightsaber." I have some issues with it though. The level design is crap (something I've come to expect from Raven) and the AI can be ridulously silly at times, "Why the fuck did that Stormtrooper just run past me?" The Mark Hamill and Billy Dee Willams cameo are worth playing it through and the saber combat is fun, but I suck at it. I should've gone out tonight. I had like plans, and more plans on top of that, but I just felt too awful to go out. I don't even have the energy to get something to drink right now , but I'd still rather have gone out... Meh...ramabing...
{ Thursday, April 3, 2003 }
For this Creative Writing project I'm working on...we have to take pieces of writing we did this quater and do a sort of compilation. One piece in particular pisses me off, because it shows how naive I was a month ago. My teachers comment when I first did this one assignment was something to the extent of, "You are a true ROMANTIC!", yet, everything I wrote then, has a different meaning for me now. I really want to rewrite it, but this is the zero hour and I need to get this done. It's like, I've been trying to put a good face on, in light of things, but this is a complete sucker punch, especially after today, which for whatever reason, seemed a lot worse then every other day. That's not saying much to begin with, but I need to figure out where I need to be and soon. I'd really like to visit myself on March 8th and give myself a does of reality...in the form of my foot up my past selves ass. Screw the space/time continum. Past Ed needs a red ass beat down.
{ Wednesday, April 2, 2003 }
I like the way this artist (Adachi Mitsuru) thinks. 'Always Beautiful Sky' looks like a pretty cool manga, I'm too lazy to post the link to it. I just found the picture funny, because my comic cat is also a heavy smoker. He drinks martinies too, but only on special occasions. I need sleep like you wouldn't believe. I think I better go to the docotor tonight as my throat feels like I swallowed sand paper and voice will occasionally...not work...for extended periods of time.
{ Tuesday, April 1, 2003 }
I HAD AN AWESOME DAY TODAY~! ... April Fools, nothing has changed. Hahahaha, fooled you!
{ Monday, March 31, 2003 }
Whoever has had someone make a petition to get them kicked out of a club presidential position, despite not having done any "impeechable" offense, but because said person is nothing more then a stupid cunt, please raise your hand. ... *raises hand* This is the stupidest fucking thing on the face of the planet, and I am at the center of it. It's not like I don't already have enough indiginities and anxieties in my life, now I am being voted out of a lame ass anime club. Although it may come as a shock to my "co-whore-president", who makes this, sit-around-and-watch-anime club into something more then it is, that's all we do. Good luck, organizing a con trip, or a dance, you fucking tool, I hope all this childish bullshit you are putting me through will catch up to you one day. Karma is a bitch you stupid twat. Eat my ass and die miserably.
{ }
{ Thursday, March 30, 2000 }
I'm going to skip the rant today and go straight to the prepetual sighing.
{ Thursday, March 27, 2003 }
Oh, what a surprise, I'm complaining again. This is the worst cold, ever... You know what that means? Time to drink Nyqul until my heart stops, so it won't be any different from a normal weeknight for me! Hmmm...it's the 'Dog Shit' flavored kind too, my favorite! It also doesn't help that this fever is making me silly. XD Uh, so if I absent for the next couple days it'll be because I'm in bed or dead.
Hahaha...I gots the killer pnemonia/cold. I think they said it's a cold. A KILLER cold. *dies*
{ Wednesday, March 26, 2003 }
I am beyond angry right now and I'll be damned if I write about why on here. Let's just say I was capable of MURDER at one point in the day. I don't think killing a anime cunt rag is a crime...and if it is, it shouldn't be. My hole body is shaking in rage, I'm so tense I'm afraid I'm going to pop a blood vessel. I seriously need to be fucking centered right now. The AUDACITY of her. How dare her. How is she human, and why is she allowed to breath the same air as normal compassionate people.
{ Monday, December 24, 2001 }
It's funny how much more pissed off I can get at myself and others in the span of only a few hours. I fucking hate people. And I hate fake compassion. How many times have I been asked, "Are you ok?", and when I answer "No.", I get this shocked reaction like. "Wait, you weren't sposed to say that!? You only looked bad, I thought everything else was dandy!", and the actual response is more like "Oh..." *walks away* I think when you make the general assumption that someone is, for example, having a bad day, by the way they look and present themselves, and you ask them about it, you're obligated to question further is your suspicions are right. Not fain some sort of concern and expect the person to, although they looks like they're in emotial turmoil, be super-extra-sunshine-fucking-happy with the world, "0h, i r fine, but th4nks f0r 45king!!!111 *thumb up/smile*" Call me crazy, but I think that's the right thing to do. The former not the latter. Do I need someone else reminding me that I'm going threw hell at the moment? Fuck no. Do I need compassion? Maybe a little, but don't fucking ask me how I'm doing if you're not ready to actually HEAR HOW I'M DOING you fucking assholes. I swear to god, I know it wouldn't take a death in the family for me to realize how much I hate my fucking school and the majority of the people in it, but god dammit am I furious right now. I really think you should all stay a legs length away from me right now, because I am in a kicking mood like you wouldn't believe. I won't be held responsible for sudden jolts of my foot in any which direction making contact with you or a loved one. Oh, and I learned it's funny to release your rage on a friend when he tells you about a retarded idea for a senior prank involving chickens. At least he thought it was funny when I, more or less, told him it was the worst idea I ever heard and it couldn't possibly work. If you'll excuse me I have to kick something...a lot.
{ Monday, March 24, 2003 }
Today is weird. Maybe it's just being back at school after a week or maybe it's the fact I feel like I just got out of group therapy, when I should have been in creative writing. "Oh, well, since we're on the subject of failed relationships (however that came about), listen to my story!", because as we all know I'm a dumb shit. That didn't help. I need to stop speaking period and start communicating through the piano. Atleast they know I was at a fucking funneral last week and not visiting my "lady friend"...
{ Sunday, December 23, 2001 }
I think after today I'm going to be taking a little break from the Internet. At least for anything that doesn't involve colleges and school work in general. I think I need some time to put this last month into perspective... Although I'm beginning to doubt if it's going to help with my situation at all. I think I've broken down one too many times over rececnt turmoils in my life...and as much as I hate AOL...staying off it for a week or so isn't going to make much of a difference. So now I don't know what I need to do. If you're reading this chances are I've bitched to you at one time or another, and I'm sorry. It got past the point where I was looking for someone to confide in and pour my heart out to, and just looking for someone to complain about how my day went. There's a fine line I suppose. So, I'm sorry to all 4 of you. I should really leave it at that, at least before I get too personal, and I KNOW that wouldn't help things. Looking to the bright side so to speak, and these things come few and far between for me anymore. I'm gradually learning Procreate Painter 7. It's really an amazing program for coloring line drawing. The only problem I have with it is the lack of a drawing tablet, but I wanted one of those even without Painter. Although, I may or may not be doing my comic anymore, and if I do it I have to make some severe changes for reasons I can't really get into. I guess you'll have to wait and see. I have a lot of material scanned, and a lot of it is being guinea pigged for Painter, so I can learn it, but I'm not sure if I'll ever go through with it. You weren't missing much, trust me on that. So to sum things up. I may or may not stay off the Internet for a while and I may or may not do my comic. I just don't know anymore. I don't even know why I'm writing this and for the thousandth time nothing has been accomplished in my doing so. I need to sleep for a week straight. I need to hibernate or go into a coma or something. I especially need some good news, something uplifting, something that, despite all that I've put up with to this point, makes me feel partially complete again. ... I'd have more look going comatose. =/
{ Friday, March 21, 2003 }
I've got kind of a mini-rant about Stabbing Westward. No, it's not the music, because I love the band, but how it's classified. Industrial AKA Gothic Rock. To me something like "songs for heartbroken, manic-depressive losers" seems more apporpriate. I guess it's not so much that fact that bothers me as is the fact I fit that catagory SO well. =/
{ Thursday, March 20, 2003 }
Hopefully, after this week life will stop emotionally raping me in the ass. Hopefully. Yeah, so I have a ridiculous amount to write about how everything has been, but I just don't have the energy to type it all out...if you really care to know IM whenever the hell I decide to get on AIM...so that almost guarantees I won't have to write it anyway. Thanks in advance. I'll write about one of the few positives today. We have a fucking "Quick Stop" in Carmel... Why I never noticed this before is beyond me. That is the fucking coolest thing in this entire lame ass town and it's 10 minutes from my house. I felt like crying with joy when I saw it. I should sell drugs in front of it, or get the clerks to play hockey on the roof with me...I want to work there like...well...that would help my serious emotional deterioration, let's put it that way. And if you don't know what I'm referring to by now you seriously suck.
{ Tuesday, March 18, 2003 }
As if this week was not ungodly awful enough already... I know I have other reasons to be depressed right now, but ranting about them here wouldn't provide any comic relief and make me feel better about it. This will. My hair, is a complete disaster area. It's like I got into a fight with a lawnmower and although it beat me unmercifully, it continued to beat me so my unborn children would come out with horrendous looking hair. But let's go back a little bit... My Mom thought I should get my hair trimmed so I looked respectable for the funeral, and I could not disagree. I mean, I liked the length and for once it wasn't curly and mangled, but it was still too long. So, I get a haircut. I use the term loosely...better haircuts are given to P.O.Ws with weed wackers. And that stupid bitch had the audacity to expect a 5 dollar tip when... a) She didn't bother to listen to how I wanted it.
So, before you call me a scumbag let's consider the fact the haircut cost 15 dollars. Normally I don't feel good about not tipping (especially waitresses and busboys ), but this was different. I don't even think the ken doll looking hair that now occupies my head was worth 15 dollars...let alone a tip. So here's a big ass FUCK YOU to "Bellisimo Hair Salon", you lost a customer you cunts. Whoa...I feel vindicated. See, I've coined a new phrase. Forget the pussy approuch to making the best out of a bad situation. When life throws you lemons... Lob a few grenades back. Let's see life make lemonade out of shrapnel. Fucking a. I'm going to have some Taquitos.
{ Monday, March 17, 2003 }
My grandma died early this morning. If it's not too much please keep my family in your thoughts and prayers, as this is a difficult time for all of us. We won't be the same without her.
{ Wednesday, March 12, 2003 }
I have nothing to say right now...other then that is the greatest song ever.
{ Friday, March 7, 2003 }
Am I the only one that sees "Agent Cody Banks" is just a lame ripoff of "Spy Kids"...and "Spy Kids" is an already stupid enough movie by itself so it doesn't need a ripoff. Yeah, I stayed home again (yesterday didn't count, seeing as how we got a snow day). I'm feeling a little better, but I didn't get anything done yesterday, and I needed the rest I guess. I have a ton of content for "Cheaper Than Paper", my pet project web comic. I have a lot of stuff to scan, and I have to work on a layout. Last I heard Heather was going to host me, so I don't have to worry about webspace at the moment. I just wish I already had something online. Is it even worth getting a copywrite? Oh, and a new layout for this place is coming...um soon.
{ Thursday, March 6, 2003 }
I think I've imporved since yesterday. I was planning on taking the day off reguardless, but out of nowhere we got a snowday, so atleast I'm not missing any work. I'm so tired of constantly bitching on here. I know I must come off as a real jerk off for anyone just stumbling onto this place...or for pretty much everyone that knows me...this is comfirmation that I am a jerk off. But yeah...my body is still aches...I don't have shocks of pain when I turn my head or twist my body around, which is a good thing. I guess I'm more soar and stiff then anything else. Hopefully I'll be better off tommorow.
{ Wednesday, March 5, 2003 }
Okay, I'm still in tremendous pain. I took some NyQuil to help me sleep, because in all honesty I probably couldn't sleep without it. I barely get enough sleep with my emotional pain, but anyway, I'll get to the point. I spent the last 1/2 hour fucking around with the digital camera, and I l have only just learned how fucking UN-photogenic I am. Pictures of me turn out so awful it's not even funny. I mean, thank god for the digital camera, because you don't have to spend money developing the photographic atrocity that is my face. I mean...I literally took shot after shot until the memory was just about full and not one of them turned out good. Why? Either is a defective 700 dollar camera, or I'm just that fucking bad looking. You know what? I'll take one more just for fucks sake...I seriously want to prove myself wrong on this one.... [10 minutes and a lot of cursing later...] Well, I took a FEW more and not ONE turned out good. The camera just died on me. Oh, yeah, it said it was the batteries, but I know the real reason. Why do cameras hate me? ;-; PS. I finished a new layout today I'm quite proud of, Heather just has to host it, tweak it, and fux with html (and she fuxes with it oh so well)...thanks in advance; between this and pretty much my life in general, I'd be lost without you. *hugs*
{ Wednesday, March 5, 2003 }
I made a point not to bitch on here anymore, but fuck that, I can't possibly not complain now... Long story short; I fell down the top of my porch steps this morning, about 12 if I'm not misaken, because they were basicly a sheets of ice. It was like something out of the movie "Home Alone", except I did not laugh. I didn't realize how much pain those poor criminals have been put through, and how much of a sadistic bastard Macaulay Culkin is. He was not acting in The Good Son...he really is that fucking evil. So I stumble back into the house; my left leg, tail bone, back and neck throbbing, and the first thing my mom says is "I told you to be carful! You didn't hold onto the railing, did you?" I actually did, but that didn't matter since I was never asked if I was okay, which is fine, I mean why should she care? So I figured I'd go to school dispite difficulty moving (not like I had a choice in the matter) and again made my way down the icey death trap that is my front steps, and the frozen ice hell that was the roads this morning. Okay, so up to that point I'm doing realtivly good. Then I get to school, only to find out the Middle School (which runs on the same buses as us -- difficult to explain) and most other schools in the area got a two hour delay. Now THAT pissed me off. As for how I'm feeling...whatever endorphens that were sheilding me from the pain had gone into action are going away and now all new parts of my body hurt. I can't get out of a chair without pain shooting up through my back and neck. I don't even want to think what the stairs to my next period will be like. Maybe I should go home... Alright, so unless I fall down the stairs again in the near future, I'll try and leave this place realtivly bitching free. On a more positive note, I'm working on a new layout with stuff from the animatrix. That should be fun.
{ Monday, March 3, 2003 }
It's too fucking sunny out today.
{ Saturday, March 1, 2003 }
I'm such a fucking idiot...why did I put the glasses on my chair...I always put them on the desk, but I put them on the chair, why? I didn't WANT to break them, but it certianly seems like I did. I have a spare, so it's not like I will be virtually blind, but I loved those. ;-;
{ Saturday, March 1, 2003 }
I realize I'm too hard on myself. It's difficult to change that part of myself, but I'm trying. It's funny...I always seem to be more positive about things when it feels like someone took a sledge hammer to my head. I guess that's the price I pay for finally getting some sleep...if that makes any sense...with one solution comes another problem with absolutly no reasoning behind it.
{ Friday, February 28, 2003 }
I'll save you the trouble of reading through all the reasons...but the main two being lack of sleep is taking it's toll and I don't really have anyone to confide in right now. Good times. Yeah, Good times. Emotional beatings are fun... [/Delicious Dish girls] I wish I was dead. Not in a long time, not sometime soon, but now. I shouldn't have wasted my birthday wish on that OTHER thing...
{ Friday, February 28, 2003 }
I'm going on the 4rth day with almost no sleep...I'm starting to wonder if something is wrong with me...I mean...other then THAT.
{ Wednesday, February 26, 2003 }
I'm 18...neato...
{ Tuesday, February 25, 2003 }
Hmmm... I suggest you all check out hobo.com. It's a pretty informative site made by hobos for hobos or potential hobos alike. I dunno, I'm pretty tempted to become a hobo, adopt a name like "Big Toothless Ed" and ride the boxcars from town to town, finding some work to get a meal, just to leave it all for the next town...neigh...my next ADVENTURE. And yet...through all this drifting and seeming homelessness, I'd still find enough time to get on the Interenet. I wonder if a hobo actually coded that site. O_O Hobos seem to lead pretty fufilling lives if you ask me and one day, I hope to become a king amoung the highest rank of hobo. *passes out*
{ Tuesday, February 25, 2003 }
I am sooo tired...need caffine...
{ Monday, February 24, 2003 }
You know...it figures that the night before my first day back at school I don't get any sleep at all...nope, not one minute. I am soooo tired...
{ Sunday, February 23, 2003 }
Since I woke up I've been seeing odd little flashes, stuff that would normally be associated with a migrain. I'm confused? Maybe I should take a break from the computer screen.
{ Saturday, February 22, 2003 }
I love rainy Saturdays like this, it's a nice kind of gloomy. I'm much rather be depressed on rainy Saturday then on a sunny weekday. I'm weird like that I guess. It may not help my mood, but I'm finally getting over this cold, and that's a plus. I get to spend the last two days of my vacation relatively germ free, now if I could only feel slightly better mentally, I might be relaxed enough to start school again. Like THAT'S going to happen.
{ Wednesday, February 19, 2003 }
So my birthday is in a week. I can't help but think "big deal". Althought most people would have you think that turning 18 is cause for celebration. I dunno, call me crazy, but I just don't care. Yeah, I'm sure I'll still get all those "freedoms" and "privileges" I was promised to be given "when I turned 18". Hardly. It's just number, it doesn't have any basis on my maturity, which, as far as I'm concerned, hasn't aged a day over 13. So I'll be left with what I have now, which is nothing. However, I will get to buy cigarettes and porno. Oh shit, the anticipation is killing me, nicotine and airbrushed tits! But what about cake and presents? Everyone likes cake and presents! I'm past the point about caring what I'll get material wise, because I know I won't get what I really want [add melodrama here], and I know a stupid mp3 player won't comfort me on days like today. And Carvel ice-cream cake has gotten shitty over the years, I guess they just stopped caring. Carvel is starting to act a lot like me. So where's my point, I know I had one somewhere... I'm so sick, we're out of Nyquil, I can't sleep, and the outcome is another pathetic fever induced rant that I'm sure you all (like this is reaching anymore then 2 people) could really give a fuck about one way or another. In summation; I think Brad Pitt put it best in Fight Club... "Congradulations. You are one step closer to hitting bottom." I am Jack's wasted life. =)
{ Tuesday, February 18, 2003 }
Damn, my faith in random chat coversations is renewed. I'm telling you, you haven't lived until you've debated who's better, Vampires or Pirates. Hmmm...Vampirates... XD Oh, yeah, and pucca club owns.
{ Monday, February 17, 2003 }
I think Edward Norton put it best in the movie Fight Club when he said... "Put a gun to my head and paint the wall with my brains." Yeah, that sounds about right.
{ Monday, February 17, 2003 }
What can I say...I'm bored. Therefore I'm going to test and see if the people reading my blog are replicants or not. when all of a sudden you lookdown and see a tortoise. It's crawling toward you. You reach down and flip the tortoise over on its back. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over. But it can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping. Why is that?" Hmmm...it looks like you tested positive. Harrison Ford will be over shortly to destroy you. It's too bad you won't live, but then again who does?
{ Sunday, February 16, 2003 }
Oh fuck I am pissed... We're looking at over 2 feet of snow. Am I excited I have the day off tommorow? Fuck no, I have off all week, Winter-weneedtosavemoneyonbusfuel-Recess. Now I have to shovel shit. Shoveling sucks, and I have a bitch of a cold and going out in 14 degree weather is not going to help. I've said it once and I'll say it again. Winter Break SUCKS.
{ Friday, February 14, 2003 }
I'm bored!
{ Friday, February 14, 2003 }
Urge to kill...rising. (Stupid fucking tripod, I couln't put the picture I wanted. Oh well.)
On a happier note, my friends have been making the best comments about today, and I've been laughing my ass off. So it's all good.
{ Wednesday, February 12, 2003 }
It's kind of unnerving when a song puts things into perspective as much as the one I'm listening to now. "Adieu", from Cowboy Bebop, a vocal version of the music box theme "Memory". It's a sweet song, beautiful and sad at the same time. On days like today I'll listen to it over and over again. "My love for you, burns deep inside me, so strong
I guess I was wrong to think I had something important to put here. Well then... Goodbye, so long, adieu.
{ Monday, February 10, 2003 }
Yeah, I know I posted like a thousand times tonight, but I am so amazed right now.
So, yeah, Japan has developed personal Optical Camouflage and I cannot begin to tell you how much I want a pair for me own evil ends. Mawahahahaha... Here's the full story.
{ Monday, February 10, 2003 }
Phase 1 is complete... http://www.cnn.com/2003/LAW/02/10/deli.dude.arrest/ Phase 2: frame the Dell interns for statutory gang rape. Then we will be rid of all annoying Dell spokespeople and balance of the force will be restored.
{ Monday, February 10, 2003 }
So tired...
{ Sunday, February 9, 2003 }
MOTHER FUCKER~ Okay, glad I got that out of my system. You should try it sometime. Oh yeah, and Pokemon gum is the fucking bomb. Okay, now I'm going to play UT2K and pass out. Edit: I guess no UT2K for now, I'm still going to pass out. My head is in tremendous pain.
{ Saturday, February 8, 2003 }
Okay.
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name: Eddie
aliases: Heero Hammer, nny, Wakka, Zekk
DOB: 02/26/85
aim: Diseased Moogle
characters:
guys: Rookie One (<3), Spike Spegial, Van Fanel
girls: Bubbles, Sawa, Haruko
bands: Greenday, Mindless Self Indulgence, Our Lady Peace, Radiohead, Smashing Pumpkins, Weezer
forums: # # # # #
layout: GIR!
ARCHIVES - Yeah!
currently---
feeling:
broken
reading: The Complete Reference: Web Design by Thomas A. Powell
playing: Galerians: ASH & Unreal Tournament
listening to: Stabbing Westward - Darkest Days
watching: Alias, Hellsing, Invader Zim, The Brak Show
wanting: a promising future
The Scary Monkey Show: The Scary Monkey Show is, basically, a show on Invader Zim that features an angry looking monkey staring at you the entire time. It seems to be very popular since you see a lot of other people watch it throughout Invader Zim. It also happens to be Gir's favorite show.
TACOS!
GALERIANS
---Ash
---Nitro
--- Rion*
--- Rita
FILLERBUNNY
[#] Devi
[#] Pig
[#] Nny*
[#] Gaz
[#] Gir
[#] Tak
[#] Nailbunny
lawn gnomes:
sounds of the city \\ gta
fillerbunny \\ jhonen vasquez
pizza:
yay for pitas