As of now, I'm going on vacation--to Japan! *ping!*--so to everyone who's waiting for email from me, sorry, you'll have to wait a little while longer. ^^

Random Trigun observation of the day: Who in their right mind names a child "Knives"? Geez.

So I continue to be extremely *thud* at the moment. I've got various fics stalled in different places, and I'm being gnawed at by a plot bunny for a new one, yet lack the energy actually to start it. I suspect I'm just in one of those low-energy phases, compounded by being slightly burnt out from completing those two fairly intense one-shots in the span of a couple of weeks. In any case, I'm decompressing right now by attempting to play the Oni demo, with varying but generally pitiful levels of success, reading some of the multiple books that I'm currently in the middle of, and, um, writing this. ^^ I might also be in an email answering mood, for a wonder.

Oh, oh! "99 Luftballoons" just came on the radio! **nostalgia sparklies** But it doesn't beat hearing "Safety Dance" yesterday. Okay, so I'm permanently stuck in the 1980s--which is not to say that I don't like more recent music too. Actually, I've had Dido's "My Lover's Gone" stuck in my head for the past few days. Don't ask me why I associate that song with Aya and Youji, especially when they're not even one of my primary (or most plausible) pairings. Oh, well--I suppose it makes about as much sense as "Wolf and Hawk" being an Aya/Youji song. ^^;;;

I got to meet some of the 'mancer-tachi last weekend, which was exceedingly cool. We share many opinions on characterization and the State of Fanfic on the Net, and they seem like generally neat people. I'm hoping we'll be able to hang out on occasion to plot evilness and watch bishounen. Hmm, I wonder if they've seen Yami no Matsuei yet?

Now they're playing "Our House" by Madness. What is this, retro-day? Cool. ^_^ (I'm actually writing this on the train, with plans to post it when I get home tonight. Here and the car are pretty much the only places where I listen to the radio. Of course, the reception cuts out before I quite make it home, so then I switch over to the MP3s on my laptop. Hence the Dido music virus. ^^)

So what am I (not) working on? Hrmm, the next "Sakura" Drift, which got stuck in the opening Subaru POV section, before things even really got started, and a couple of WK pieces. I'm saving the "Falling" edits for when I go on vacation in a week or so, because of all my current likely projects it's the best one to be working on while sitting next to Dad on an airplane. (You know what I mean. ^^) Inspired by Kristin's great recent fics, I've got a twinge of possible Clover lemon at the back of my mind, but I need to reread the series and ponder for a while longer before making any kind of move on that. Nothing else is close enough to the surface to be worth mentioning.

So I got the two one-shots released, and now I've gone somewhat *thud*. The magazine just went to press, taking with it my last remaining brain cell and leaving me instead with a jittery collection of scattered and fragmented thoughts. I'm hoping that I'll slowly be able to recuperate over the next week. Honestly, I was so tired and strung out this weekend that as I was riding the train home from Shanti's on Saturday morning even looking out the window at the passing scenery was depressing me, because every house, every car, every freakin' road sign had to have someone somewhere who was responsible for it and everything that went along with it--planning it, making it, acquiring it, putting it where it belonged, maintaining it--and that multiplied by the number of things in the world was just too much *stuff* for me to deal with. I'm feeling much better now, though. ^^

I've been resting by reading and playing Majesty and my kana-learning game, the latter of which I suppose doesn't really count as rest, since it's educational. I'm now able to
v e r y   s l o w l y spell out words in hiragana, which gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling. I finally finished the first C.J. Cherryh "Fortress" book, which was damn cool, and of course I wanted to see something between Tristen and Cefwyn, and of course I knew that it probably wasn't going to happen. Right now I'm looking forward to the second book and anticipating a potential forthcoming love triangle-type tension between Tristen, Cefwyn, and the Regent lady who's name I can't remember how to spell--or even a love polygon, if Cefwyn's brother Efanor gets into the act as well.

In other interesting reading, we got a neat article on the character of the Fool in Shakespeare for our upcoming issue, and for me it sparked various thoughts about X. (Of course, *everything* sparks thoughts about X. Or Weiss. Or one of my other obsessions.) Here's the quote that especially set me off:

Anyone can be a tragic hero. All you have to do is get decimated by the forces of fate, fortune, and bad timing. In life, as in theater, however, pulling off a happy ending takes skill, perserverence, and a certain amount of dumb luck. Only a fool can do it.

The CLAMP Tragic Bishounen Squad could all learn from this. It's very easy to get mauled by Fuuma, seethe in a sea of guilt and regret, or mope limply about in the Dreamscape waiting for destiny to pick you up and mop the floor with you. Salvaging a happy ending out of this fate mess is *hard,* and you can't do it while staring all earnest-eyed and wobbly and ethereal at the floaty things.

So who's got what it takes to pull off the happy ending? Ironically, Kotori had the innocence and carefree dumb luck that could do it, but I don't think she had the necessary toughness and resilience. (Incidentally, I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about her mother Saya being the "Fool" card; on the one hand, it sort of makes sense, because Saya did follow her heart and the bright promise of love out into the void, ignoring all considerations of common sense--but on the other hand, unless CLAMP are planning to bring Saya back somehow (not raise her from the dead, but instead make her life and her sacrifice directly relevant to the conclusion of the story) it's annoying to have such an important card relegated to a long-dead character.) Kotori, dead or not, might have made a good Fool card, but I think it's appropriate enough that she's The Lovers--most of us, after all, like her, being Fools for love.

Keiichi, of course, is an obvious candidate for the Fool:

Fortune loves the fool. Somehow, in spite of all life's attempts to take him out through car crashes, train wrecks, houses collapsing, hurricanes and forces of nature, the fool endures with a stubborn resiliance. Often he is even unaware that anything unusual is happening.

I mean, do I even need to elaborate on this? Stick some motley on the guy already. (C'mon, was that smiling face not made for a jester's cap and bells?) So it might very well be that Keiichi with his excessively bubbly good nature and his complete lack of knowledge about this whole end of the world thing will somehow waltz through the final battle and in so doing will inspire our young prince (ie, Kamui) to some better, more effective use of his power. And for those of you who are alarmed at the thought of a Kamui/Keiichi pairing being part of that resolution, consider this:

In the end, however, the fool remains a lone figure. Like the catalyst in a chemical reaction, the fool is necessary for the comic transformation, but at the end of the play he remains unchanged, inviolate, and eternal. He may not join the order he has helped to bring about. Without him, Jack would not have Jill [or Kamui have Subaru --N], and all would go ill, but the fool must stay unattached. The romantic couples go off to their wedding chambers two-by-two, but the fool, like the cheese, stands alone.

Cheese, cheese, cheese, cheese. Sorry, I just had to say that.... ^^

Sorata is another classic Fool: always there to blow a serious moment sky-high, but with a depth of wise and uncompromising truth beneath his seeming idiocies. So it might also be possible that something that Sorata says or does will be the key to unbind the pattern of conflict between Kamui and "Kamui." I'm not really sure how Sorata's own potentially tragic fortune might tie into this, though; it's something that needs more pondering.

Vash the Stampede is another Fool, I think, but I'll refrain from commenting further until I've seen the rest of the series. (Only two more tapes! *heartmark*) I will say one thing, though: Augh! Rem! What were you thinking? Oi, hippie-chick--long hair is supposed to be a *good* thing!

And now I think I'll waltz off myself and do some actual work. :P

(Although the quotes I've used from the article are fair-usage, at least in amount, I'm not totally sure it's ethical to quote from an unpublished article. If it isn't, and the author reads this and is upset, I'm very sorry--please email me gently and I'll take this entry down right away.)

So here I am at Lunacon, sitting in the internet room like complete geek, posting in my weblog. Go figure. The con's been pretty good so far. I went to a couple of panels for a change: one on Buffy and one on current trends in SF and fantasy fiction. I got the DVDs of Gestalt and Earthian, thereby breaking my vow not to buy anything else new until I'd finished watching everything I've already got. ^^;;; Oh, and I'm *so* psyched--I finally rediscovered a book that I'd adored as a kid. I'd never known what it was called or who wrote it, and yet somehow I still managed to stumble across it: it's by Diane Wynne Jones, and it's now part of the first book of the Chronicles of Chrestomanci. (I'm probably misspelling that somehow; I don't have the book with me.) So that was a really happy surprise. Otherwise, the con's been quiet for me personally, though mildly chaotic with regard to the con's own organization. And I'm kind of worried because two friends who were supposed to be staying in my room never turned up, and I'm hoping that nothing's happened to them. Other than that, though, this is basically a relax-o-con for me.

Now I'm going to take Sei-chan, try to find a quiet corner, and write a little bit before the Masquerade begins. ^_^

Well, it's a nasty, cold, Nor'easterish kind of day, with the wind making that really disturbing whistling moan around the edges of the office's windows, and somebody has put the Aslo out on the neighboring roof. (The Aslo--short for "Aesthetically pleasing Subaru-Like Object"--is actually a large white umbrella, but when folded it bears a rather remarkable resemblance to Subaru in his shikifuku. It also seems to have a similar attitude toward life: "Don't mind me. I'll just stand here in the rain...and drip...and angst.")

So I just have C&Cs to put in on this and that and maybe I'll actually manage to release something. There's been a small flood of Sorashi fics on the CFFML lately; I suppose it's just about my turn to contribute. ^^ I'm currently writing on one of my "not going to see the light of day for a long while" projects, just to decompress after the last two high-intensity one-shots, and I've been having a lot of fun with it. Writing from the POV of a character who's just lost the capacity for language and doesn't realize it is a real trip. ^^

This is a stress-bunny week, since we're going to press at the end of next week, and I'm short one day because I'll be taking Friday off to go to Lunacon. So I guess I'd better get back to work. If I manage to unearth myself from the email before I leave for the con, maybe I'll post some more later.

So after a couple of days of having family visit (a nice little vacation) and a couple of days of staring at the same damn page, willing the words to do what they're supposed to, I think the second draft of the Subaru-and-a-kitty story is about ready to go into prereading. I'm hoping to release the Sorata/Arashi story to the CFFML next week sometime, with a release of both stories to my site by early April. Assuming, as always, that no catastrophes intervene.

I had a [SPOILER-LADEN!] thought on the train this morning: what if Seishirou's fate actually marks an end to the Sakurazukamori "curse," because Subaru *didn't kill him.* Subaru was merely the tool of Hokuto's spell; the killing had nothing to do with any action he took. He didn't even want to kill Seishirou, as it turns out, not in his deepest heart. If Kamui had been closer, if he'd arrived earlier, maybe the spell would have used him to wreak its effect, but as it happened there was only Subaru. While on the one hand this is yet another case of demoting Subaru to the status of a "thing," on the other it absolves him of the murder, and therefore there's no reason why he should have to become the Sakurazukamori. Of course, the problem would lie in convincing Subaru of that. ^^

Then again, I suppose that one could argue that Subaru made his choice when he decided to pursue Seishirou, and that the decision to seek Seishirou's death qualifies him. Hmm. On a slightly different tack, one also has to wonder if there's any significance to Subaru's words in TB: "*Just that person* I will kill."

(Apologies for any mangling of words or events from either of the sources above, btw; I'm doing this from work, and all the relevant manga are at home. Also, I've put "curse" in quotes because I'm not sure that the Sakurazukamori's transfer of power really is a curse as one would usually think of it.)

Well, *that* was embarrassing. Because my mail program dates everything to the 1940s, I've been posting stuff to the CFFML from the YahooGroups web site. However, I'd been composing all my posts in Emailer, and then dumping them in my "Sent Mail" folder when I'd finished copying and pasting them. Somehow I assumed that being in "Sent Mail" would mark them so that they would never actually be sent out. However, when I accidentally did a "send all queued mails" command today, all those already-posted mails took off! So I managed to spam the CFFML before I realized what was happening and got my finger to the cancel button. <hangs head in shame>

Anyway, it just goes to show: whenever you start getting a little too pleased with yourself, the universe will find some way to keep you humble. ^_^

So the Sora/shi fic has been through the first pass of editing and has gotten thumbs-up from Shanti, which means that after another quick skim and a bit more prereading it should be just about ready for release. I'm in a quandry now, though--as I got into the homestretch of revising yesterday, a different ending suddenly occurred to me. I'm trying to decide whether to experiment with that or just leave well enough alone.

I'm also trying to figure out why Sorata was hanging out in my head for most of yesterday, when the story itself is 95% from Arashi's point of view. Maybe it's just because he's the noisier one. (Sorata: "Hey!") He also planted a flag in my brain and half-jokingly declared it a yaoi-free territory, which might explain why I've had the "Aya turned into a girl" story rerunning in my mind. See, SS had Aya's sister and were going to use her in their spooky ritual, yadda, yadda, but for some reason they needed male energy for the spell, so they worked their Evil Magic<TM> and swapped her and Aya. So Aya-chan ends up a as twenty-something man (still in a coma), while Aya turns into a sixteen-year-old female version of himself. Yup, he's Omi's size, nubile, and mad as a hornet. (He socks Ken in the face for looking at him funny.) Omi promptly passes him off as Aya's cousin, Ayako-san, and much wackiness ensues as various members of the flower shop's girl squad try to a) pummel him for "stealing" the attention of the guys or b) dress him up. (One of my favorite scenes in this iteration of the daydream is where Youji stops by Aya's apartment, and Aya opens the door wearing That Sweater, only it's enormous on him now, and the cuffs are dripping off his arms. It's just cute. ^^)

It's been a while since I've played through this story, so the original details of how things turned out are fuzzy, but if I recall it ended up with Aya and Youji dancing around a reluctant attraction to each other, along with a side order of peculiar semi-yuri with Sakura, and some gratuitous OmiKen, because dang it, that's just where I go. Anyhow, this is something I have no real plans to write, because it would be yet another immensely long fic project (in addition to being rather silly), and if I'm going to work on an epic WK fic, it's going to be one of the two OmiKen's that are languishing in my current projects folder. But yah, fear not--Sorata has relinquished the brain cell, and yaoi as usual should be resuming. (Especially since Seishirou has been dangling bits of the next Drift at me.)

Oh, and I got not one, but *three* fortunes in my cookie last night. Two of them were decent enough, but it's the third that's really amusing: "Be satisfied with one chapter at a time." Um, meow? Actually, considering the deranged mental state that I've been in for the past week, simulficcing on two different one-shots, this is rather appropriate. Maybe when the last of the current fic mindstorm blows over, I'll be able to crank down on the multitasking.

*thinks about it*

Naahhh....

So I finally got the notification email out, and now I'm sitting here wondering if I ought to have gone into work after all. There's very little happening with the storm so far--I could probably make it in, although I've heard there are delays on the trains. Trouble is, I'm not sure I'd make it back out again if I stayed till the end of the day, and with a two-hour commute, going into the office for just a short while makes very little sense. If this storm is going to be anything like what the weatherpersons have been saying, I'm going to be stuck *somewhere* for a day or two. And I'd far rather be stuck home than elsewhere. ^^

There was one mistake in the mailing (at least that I've found so far): Kristin O.'s song is on her Pochi page, http://sekaiseifuku.net/pochi.html, not her fanfic page. Oops, my bad. Anyway, go check it out even if you're not on my update list--there's a great piece on Kamui and Subaru naked with chocolate sauce. No, really.

I expect that I might actually post more here later today, but for now I should get off the phone in case Shanti wants to call and berate me for abandoning her. Ja ne!

I dang near kill myself to get my site update done tonight (though technically I guess it's now this morning), and I can't get into the web panel to send out my announcement mailing. *Growf.*

I'd just *better* have a snow day tomorrow....

So, anyway, back to fanfics....

Joy, joy--after two days of being stuck in the same damn paragraph of "Sakura" 15, I finally got out of Seishirou's section, and then Subaru's part blew by like a breath of grace. So I've sent the chapter out to the prereaders (again), I've already gotten comments back (wai!), and I'm hoping to get a release out *really* soon. (Like this weekend, if no catastrophe intervenes.) The one short fic is finished, as I mentioned before. It's dire, but hopefully will improve with some work. The other one is coming along nicely--I'm *not* going to rush this one, I have plenty of time, I'm not on any kind of schedule. If I just keep telling myself that often enough, maybe I won't panic. ^_^ Anyway, I'm already halfway through it after only a few days. I'll say this much about it: it's an original flavor Tokyo Babylon fic--my first, believe it or not. And it features sixteen-year-old Subaru and a kitty. Cute. ^^

The Shinto book I've been reading seems pretty superficial--even knowing what little I do, it comes across as bowdlerized and somewhat over-general--but it has lots of lovely pictures of various shrines, including one from Mitsumine Shrine (remember? where Yuzu-chan comes from?) that features a statue of the o-inu-sama, the wolf kami, gazing out over the mountains and clouds. (I'd scan it, but I'm trying to achieve irreproachability with respect to copyright--which reminds me, I need to get permission for that Freemason lodge picture or take it down.) In any case, it's a book that I might want to get someday, for the photos alone. (I'm currently reading the office copy, having resisted the temptation to steal it.)

I'm looking now at this other book that came into the office, called Disciples of the Buddha. It's a small book of photographs of Chinese statues of Lohans, which are legendary followers of the Buddha in the Ch'an tradition. There's one Lohan I really like so far-- there's a close-up of his face inside and on the cover, very smooth and tranquil, and his eyes are just ever-so-slightly narrowed, as though he's gazing at something on the far edge of a field or on a hill top, something that's just the merest bit difficult to make out. It makes you want to see what it is that he's looking at. (I like the close-up better than the photo of the whole statue, where you can see that he's actually got his head turned to one side--it seems to take away from the directness of his scrutiny. And this proof copy *really* needs proofreading...er, make that editing. Still, it's a nice little book.)

I actually have lots of other stuff to talk about today, but considering that I'm writing this from work I probably ought to end here and do something more useful. I'll save the anime comments for another post. Actually, Shanti and I were going to be gaming tonight, but it got cancelled, so we're probably going to watch anime instead, giving me even more fuel for comment. Alas, my weekly CFFML admin post will have to go out on Saturday this time, since I won't be home until then. I was going to try to catch up via the web archive and post this afternoon, but there's too much opportunity for me to miss or forget something. Won't kill anyone if I'm a half-day or so late. ^^ There are a couple of fics that I would really like to comment on too, for a change; hopefully I'll actually manage to get around to that as well as doing some writing of my own. Oh, and I figured it was time to archive my old weblog pages; see the link at left.

And now I think I'll stop abusing parentheses and perhaps do a shred or two of actual work. *looks at the clock* Umm, on second thought...in the end, I've procrastinated long enough that it's time to go home already. I'll definitely have to make up for this next week. ^^;;;

So in Afghanistan members of the Taliban regime have reportedly begun to fire mortar shells at the giant stone Buddhas of Bamiyan, claiming that all statues in the country must be destroyed for being un-Islamic idols. Almost two thousand years gazing serenely across the countryside, the work of love and reverence on a vast scale, and then gone so quickly, in a single, breathless flash of hate.

How can you live with yourselves, you who turn you weapons on treasures that will never come again in this world, who turn your weapons on your own people in unjustified massacres, who imprison women in their homes, in madness--raped, whipped and stoned in the street, their fingers cut off for the simple crime of wearing nail polish? If a man keeps birds in a cage in your land, he and all of the birds may be killed for it. I suppose that laying violent hands on a wonder of human history is only least and latest of your atrocities. Still, can you excuse it to the generations that are yet come?

In any case, if these artifacts disgust you so much, let the museums of the West who are begging to save them *buy* them from you, and then use that money to feed your people who are starving, who are watching their children die of famine and cold while relief workers spend their funds on bribes to your corrupt officials.

Do you even listen to the first words of your own surahs: "In the name of God, the Merciful, the Compassionate"?