.::.o-la...sanctus.::.

WHORE!!!!!!!!!1

Listening to: Evanescence, "Imaginary" (Fallen)

Good morning everyone! Yes, it's 7:35, and I've been concious for about five minutes! Yes, I went to bed at a decent hour last night! It's amazing how drowsy reading'll make you. I was reading "Paula" by Isabel(la?) Allende Lloa something-another (yeah, I'm real observant) and just got so sleepy I put it down and curled up. That was probably a little after midnight or one. Yes, that's early for me. XD

So yeah, I woke up, thinking it was 8:30 (I read my watch wrong and my alarm clock stopped ticking...I'll have to rewind it), got a ghetto diet coke (safeway select!), and did my bathroom business. That includes weighing myself. I HAVE LOST TWO POUNDS PEOPLE! XD I am SO estactic. I spelled that wrong. I don't care. I haven't been under my magical weight number for two weeks now, and it's finally TWO POUNDS UNDER! I'm so happy. Hopefully between now and the end of July I'll lose eight more pounds. Ang-san suggested I add 10 situps and pushups to my routine. I forgot to do that yesterday, so I'll start doing it today. That plus walking plus DDR should help out a lot! What do you think? :D

Yesterday, I beat Ico. If you don't want to hear me spoil the ending, or don't care, or whatever...skip the next paragraph. I know you can scroll.

So yeah, I beat it. I didn't realize how close I was to finishing it until I checked a guide to tell me how to get through this one part (that I've played through at least seven times and given up because I couldn't figure out what to do) and I was pretty much at the bottom of it. The Reservoir was a pain in the ass. Not to mention it gave me several heart attacks (like trying to jump from the ledge of a cliff to another ledge, completely miss, and watch Ico fall to his watery death) because I died and thought I would have to start allllllll the way over since there were no more save couches (yes, save couches). So it took me about...four tries to get through the Reservoir because I had to learn the controls all over again (haven't played in monnnnnnths). Like I'd have Ico swing from a chain, but instead of pressing triangle (jump!) I'd stupidly press x (release) and watch him fall all the way back down. >.< I love this game, but it can be such a pain in the ass. I guess puzzle games are supposed to be like that. XD Soooo after the Reservoir and climbing on the cliff ledges to get to the pipes to take me to the castle...something weird happens. You're taken back to the beginning of the game! The very very beginning. It didn't matter though, it lead to getting the Ultimate Weapon (the Sword that Has No Name) which was incredibly kick ass. It glowed, and sparked. Kicking demon-spirit ass has never been easier. So, after you kill all the demon-spirits (which here, in this part of the game, are just playful. They tease, but don't attack. Sadly, they were lanky, flying...horned...spirits. So you were basically just freeing them from their enslavement to the castle/the Queen/whatever.) Then I get to the final battle with the gay ass Demon Queen (who looks really cool but is JUST PLAIN STUPID >.<), who gives a cliched villan speech. You NEVER find out HOW or WHY horned children become her demon-spirits. You never get to find out the whole story behind the sacrificing of the horned children to the castle period. THAT pissed me off. So yeah, after I figured out what the hell to do, I beat the Queen after three times. The ending started out sad. You get to see the castle crumble and sink into the sea, but Yorda is turned into a demon-spirit! The Tormented Spirits that you kill kinda go SHOOOM into her and she wakes up and is all shadowy. Then she picks up Ico and puts him in a boat and stays. I was so sad. I was like "what about you, Yorda??". So Ico is cast off, and Yorda's left behind. There's more scenes of the castle crumbling (I freakin' loved that castle, though it was a pain in the ass to get through) until it cuts off to a beach scene. Ico gets out and you run down the beach...there's Yorda! She's all normal! I guess the Tormented Spirits saved her. :D And it ends with her waking up! So they get to live happily ever after! Yay! :D I'm hyper. >.< Butttttt, as I was reading through the differences between the PAL version and the US version, I got pissed. In the PAL version, after you beat the game and play again, Yorda's words are translated! Also, Yorda isn't as stupid as a box of hair, nor a chicken shit. She'll actually do half the stuff Ico does. That really really pisses me off. >.< Uhhh...that's it. XP

Layout plug for Kala! *licks Alucard*

*sigh* The only thing bad is that Lorien has a 99.9% chance of not coming. Yes, that's utterly depressing...murr. Buuut, our spring breaks line up..I may see her then. :) And that's all for now.

Listening to: Ava Adore (live)

I'm sorry my pr0n is late, Kala. ;_;

Do I still get h3d?? XD

Listening to: Smashing Pumpkins, "Beautiful"

Beautiful, you're beautiful
--as beautiful as the sun
Wonderful, you're wonderful
--as wonderful as they come
And I can't help but feel attached
To the feelings I can't even match

It's offical. I am now a Smashing Pumpkins concubine. James (teh seksi Japanese-American guitarist), please let me have your baby. I have chocolate-cake flavored ice cream (it OWNS you) to help with the foreplay. I don't care if you're in your 30's. :D ...*cough*. Moving on. I really really like "Beautiful", "Tonight Tonight", "Stand Inside Your Love", "Ava Adore" (WHORE SONG! XD), and probably the rest of what I have of them too. Yes I'm lazy. Hah. *pets winamp*

Okay, plug for anyone who's moved or has a new layout. Hahahah, more laziness. It's 3:30, you'll forgive me, neh? I feel hyper too. Damn ice cream.

So yeah, I've been sitting here munching on ice cream while grooving to SP and thinking about life's mysteries. I tried to draw, but wasn't coming out with anything, so I came back down. I'll probably work on some stuff, and pissfart around until I'm tired. I should post in my yahoo clubs...I've got great character ideas. Hrm.

With my face pressed up to the glass, wanting you
Beautiful, you're beautiful
--as beautiful as the sky
Wonderful, it's wonderful
--to know that you're just like I
And I'm sure you know me well
as I'm sure you don't

I know how to make video clips with my digital camera now. Unfortunately, it's a waste. I know my family won't be able to view them (don't wanna send KY hicks vids of myself anyways) and I tried to send them to friends but they couldn't view them. ;_; But at least I know how it works. Aaaaaand Jake had his surgery. Like, two or three days ago. They didn't find the stone! So he passed it (and they had no idea because Jake never strained his pee like he was supposed to) after all. The reason they did a surgery was because in an X-Ray a spot on his ureter looked bad, and they figured it was the stone. The doctor looked everywhere, couldn't find it. But they put in a stint(sp), to keep his ureter from collapsing, so he has a string sticking out of his penis (*tries to keep from laughing*). Mom gets to remove it tomorrow. So yeah, Jake's been medicated (he had morphine! ...but Mom took him off of it because it made him barf like you wouldn't believe the night after he had the surgery) because he was having bladder spasms. o.O So he's been sleeping downstairs the past few times (making me unable to listen to my music a little louder than normal) so he won't have to go down stairs. That's the most excitement we've had around here. Other than Justin getting caught for stealing Dad's cigs and getting his ass busted for it. XD

But you just can't tell
Who'll you love and who you won't
And I love you, as you love me
So let the clouds roll by your face

I'm STILL having trouble with keenspace. >.< It's pissing me off, but then again, I haven't been digging through their help forums. I was hoping the "wait a few days then try again" method would've worked. It didn't. Hah. Blargh...needing of things to rant aboutttt...

We'll let the world spin on to another place
We'll climb the tallest tree above it all
To look down on you and me and them
And I'm sure you know me well
as I'm sure you don't

Oh! You know my gallery link? *points up* It's been updated! Check it out. Marf. Uhh...is today Father's Day? o.O Yeah, I know, I'm horrible. Or is it tomorrow? Ugh. >.< I'm a badddddd bad daughter. Oh well. I think he's working anyways. I'll make sure to huggle him and kiss him. Mebbe I'll draw a happy-fun picture of him looking goofy. Tee hee.

But you just can't tell
who you'll love and who you won't
Don't let your life wrap up around you
Don't forget to call, whenever

My ice cream is gone, and I sit here impatiently. Dunno what I'd do at four in the morning. Probably spit out another layout, since I work best at nights, apparently. ~_~ ...oh! I just saw a really freaky but pretty cool movie about two Mexican artists from the early 20th century: Frida Kahlo and her hubby Diego Rivera. I felt really sorry for Frida. She had polio, was in an accident that broke many of her bones and leaving her crippled and in severe pain for the most of her life. Many times she would have to lay in bed for hours wearing this braces. Her husband cheated on her many times (even with her sister), but she cheated on him too (with women as well!!). Later in life, she had to have her toes removed on her right foot from gangre(sp), and died in 1954 when she was 47. Her paintings were really out there though. o.O She said she painted her "reality", which was a mix of "reality" and "fantasy". Never what she dreamed, though. She had monsters and blood and an unusual approach with her symbolism. It was something interesting to see.

And now I run out of happy fun things to say. Night!

I'll be here just waiting for you
I'll be under your stars forever
Neither here nor there just right beside you
I'll be under the stairs forever
Neither here nor there just right beside you

My blog is being a whore!

*KICK* WHY WON'T THE IMAGES SHOW UP?!

Listening to: Chad Kroeger (feat. Josey Scott): Hero

I am so high, I can hear Heaven.
I am so high, I can hear Heaven.
Oh but Heaven...no, Heaven don't hear me.

This song has been my freakin' obsession for the past two days. I've had it alone on repeat with maybe another song or two. But always this one. It makes me think of Earthbound for some stupid reason. In fact, it reminds me of Earthbound (my comic that may never get off the ground) so much that I've declared it the offical theme song. If I did a soundtrack for it, that is. XP (And yes, I know this song is on the Spiderman soundtrack. Now ask me if I care.)

I've decided that I'm going to redraw strips 1-4. They're too horrible. Luckily it's not like...twenty strips I want to redo. That would suck. x_X;; I'm happy to say that since I first started experimenting with the next style, it has gotten better! If I take a recent pic of Lev and hold it to an older one, there's a pretty big difference. I'm happy. I think my hands are getting somewhat better too, which is GREAT. I can't do hands for shit. @_@ I'm also attempting backgrounds...they're sketchy, messy, and it's kinda hard to figure out what it's supposed to be...but I kinda like it like that. ^^() Also, I'm drawing new covers! (Well, I only had one, but...:P) I have two so far for Chapter one. That makes me happy. ^_^ ...and they're sorta weird. I don't ink alot, because ink is the Devil and I always make things look worse with ink. I think it's because the pen I use is just too thin/I don't have enough control/I'm using cheap materials/all of the above. (That's right, I have NO professional art tools...save Photoshop. I want a tablet so bad, but you guys already knew that. ;_;) So, instead of ink, I marker! I like using markers. They bleed, but not too much, and it flows, which I really like. Ink doesn't flow for me, so my pictures seem sketchy (because I sketch heavily and ink doesn't like lead) and I hate that. So I get this flowing, connective effect with markers. I use the thinnest I have...which are Sailor Moon ones. I swear to Michael. That is what I use. Unfortunately, there is no black one (I only have five SM ones XD) so I have to pick a color. The closest I have to black is purple, and that's my favorite so far. ...I'm gonna have to go out and buy a bunch of black markers...when I have cash. >.<

And they say that a hero can save us.
I'm not gonna stand here and wait.
I'll hold on to the wings of the eagles.
Watch as we all fly away.

Ughh...so hungry...shouldn't eat at 4 a.m...that's bad...>.< Geh. I keep staying up later and later, but I haven't waken up past 11 once! XD That's great, in my opinion, since it's summertime and all. My parents would ream me a new one if I slept in to like 3. This paragraph is random. ...oi I just got the chills. >.< My mother is going through menopause, I swear! If the house isn't -100 degrees she goes "it's hot" and "who turned the air off? leave the air alone!". Of course she doesn't care that her kids are growing icicles off their bodies in the middle of June! ...The worst part about staying up is that when I finally go to bed, it's really really really cold in my room. I always wind up picking the coldest room in the house when we move, I swear. So whenever I change into my pj's it sucks because I'm instantly chilled. Then I have to lay in bed for half an hour before it's warm enough and my hands and feet have regained some feeling in them. Note that I'm wearing long sleeved flannel pj's and I have a big comforter on my bed.

Jake has his surgery in a few hours. He's finally getting his kidney stone removed (by laser surgery) since he can't piss it out. (It's like 6 milimeters wide...and the one my dad had was 2-3) So I should have the house to myself for most of the morning. Yay! That makes me happy.

Nothing much has happened today...Mom found a dead lizard under the table, I had an argument with Taku, I walked, I had ice cream, and discovered a really nifty image effect that I've been playing with all morning. I also found out that plane ticket prices have jumped from $700 to $1200. So that really...really...really is shredding my hope of having Lorien stay with me for a week. Her dad was thinking of buying a ticket in August, but I go back to school on July 28, so that won't work. ;_; Argh. This makes me depressed just thinking about it. But I'm still clinging to the hope that her dad'll have enough frequent flyer miles to send her with no worries...

...with that said and done, I'm going to sleep. Night!

Now that the world isn't ending, it's love that I'm sending to you.
It isn't the love of a hero, that's why I fear it won't do.

Listening to: Guns 'n Roses: November Rain

Didja know they *points to the music group above* did a revison of Bohemian Rhapsody (y'know, by Queen)? I haven't looked for it, but considering Axle(Axel?)'s extremely unique voice, I think it would be something to listen to. I'll have to remember to look for it. Annnnnyways.

Oh Jeebus I think I'm about ready to keel over. In two days, TWO DAYS, I have completely revamped Chaotic Dreaming. Brand new--hold on, gotta pee...like I was saying, brand new layout, and everything works the way it's supposed to! Even the pages that actually have no content have SOMETHING on them (that made no sense, didn't it?). For me to do that TO AN ENTIRE PAGE is a feat unto itself. I'm horrible at not starting pages and not finishing them (like J-chan's Spot on the Wall, my Dir en Grey wallpaper site, and Bloodied Sakura, my shrine to Sumeragi Subaru that will someday exist, damnit! ...I just need a doman first. ;_;). So really, this is something to celebrate over...even though I have a feeling I won't update it in a looooooooong time. -_- Because I sux like that. So yeah, everyone bask in the glory that is Mana! :D While he's still glowing, that is.

And Imma gonna kill you, Ace Girl. I joined your fanlisting, and wound up joining THIRTEEN other fanlistings in. One. Night. (Which doesn't include the fact that there were at least 5 other anime listings I wanted to join but couldn't for some reason, mainly because the pages were FUBAR! If you use the setting 1024x768, I offically hate you. Unless you're B-chan. Or someone I like.) Now, I want to make one! I checked thefanlistings.org to see if they had a Mana fanlisting, and was shocked to find out they didn't! In fact, it pissed me off, and made me happy at the same time. Pissed that no one had one, but happy that it was free for me to take! Sooooo...I go to fill in the application form...but fanlistings for Musicians is currently down. :( But I'm still going to check on it! I MUST have the rights to a Mana fanlisting. XD I'm horrible, I know. Oh! Oh! There's THREE for angels, for anyone that's interested. I didn't join them tonight because a) I'm tired, b) I'm lazy, and c) I didn't want to have to touch anything related to Chaotic Dreaming again. The three for angels are for angels in general, Archangels, and fallen angels! Sometime soon I'm gonna join all three, and stick them on mah bloggie, cuz I just love them angels. ^_^

Geh, I need to stop blogging so late. My upper arms are hurting, and so is my back. @_@ I nearly lost the internet today too. The computer was being a WHORE (Dad STILL hasn't stripped it...I'm gonna whine about it tomorrow. I'd do it myself, but I don't know how.) and not connecting earlier. So, I go to my mom's comp, which harbors the connection for both comps, disable Local Area Connection 2 (my comp's connection) and unplug the modem/phone cord for fifteen seconds. (That's whatcha haveta do if yer DSL fubars on you. :||||) After fifteen seconds is up, I plug the cord back in, and go into the Network and Communications folder to enable the L.A.C...but it's not there. Most of the time when you disable it, it'll appear in the folder, and be all gray and fuzzy till you enable it. But it wasn't there at all this time, like it had been completely removed. So my Dad had happyfun time flitting between both comps to fix it. Imma never gonna touch that bastard again. I nearly lost my favorite (out of the two comps), and it's not gonna happen again.

Geh...I've found a new manga to obsess over. While searching for Angel Sanctuary scanlations (and failing horribly), I stumbled across Count Cain. It's done by Kaori Yuki (aka the mangaka behind Angel Sanctuary), and for some reason...I love it. It's not like a manga manga, but more like a collection of short stories that circle around the main character Cain. It's set in 19th century England, and focuses on death and murder that's ensnared in dirty scandels, forbidden love, incest, and everything in between. Cain himself has a hobby of collection poisons, which is cool unto itself. It's nice and dark, with plenty of blood. The only downfall is that it's one of her earlier works. It started before 94 (I think), and though the artwork is nice, it's not as good as Angel Sanctuary's. (Funny thing is Yuki stopped in the middle of CC to start and finish Angel Sanctuary!) Buttt...as it goes on, it gets better. ^_^ (Since after AS was finished she picked CC back up) So yeah, if you wanna sample CC, then the link's up above. ^^()

I think I've ranted enough. G'nite!

*falls over dead* Why oh why do I pick late at night to make new blog layouts? Why? I'm gonna wind in sleeping in to God knows what time and then I'll piss off my parents and that'll be the end of that! >.<

Anyways. Why did I change? Pfft. XD You know me. I get so tired of my blog layouts...and plus, I wanted to (try to) impress my newest blog stalker Ace Girl! Have you guys read Shades of Grey?? No?? THEN GO DO IT! XP Ace Girl is the ARTIST of that strip. I correspond with a l337 manga arteest! *keels over* Okay, Imma gonna stop now.

Even though Mom didn't take that job, she's gonna be a nurse's aid until she can get her Hawaii license, then she's gonna be switched to a LPN (and get like...a 7 dollar raise, booyah!). That makes me happy. It means she won't be bitchy as hell because she "never gets to go anywhere" (~_~) and plus, I'll be able to roll in the moo-lah. ^_^ Well...not roll, but you know what I mean. I've got birthday gifts to buy! Ang-san's next month, then I have Taku's, B-chan's, Lorien's and Jen's in September. I also have to pay my parents back 20 bucks and buy myself a tablet. Eek. I won't have much saved by the end of September, lemme tell ya. @_@

My summer break has been pretty bleh so far. The only things I've been doing is sitting on my ass and walking. Today I straightened up my room, listened to my mother bitch, helped my mother clean up Jake's knees (he fell in the mud and skinned them pretty badly), chase a tiiiiiiiny lizard around the kitchen (it was sooo cute), catch the damn thing and take it outside, and take care of my cat. Oh, I need to reply to Ace Girl's email. I'll do that tomorrow--err, later today. XD

...geh. My brother (Justin) really disgusts me. Here I was, sitting and minding my own business, and the next thing I hear is a lighter going off. So I look to my right (where the other comp is) and I find Justin LIGHTING A CIGARETTE. I just stared at him for the longest time. I knew he dipped (BLECH!), but then he said he quit and started smoking. I didn't say anything, and only stared, watching him smoke the Malboro like he's been smoking for the past ten years. I mean, he's not even 16 yet, and he's already going through horrible habits. Really, what's so cool about cutting twenty years off your life by inhaling shit that'll kill your lungs and give you cancer in the long run? Doesn't he care about his health? Doesn't he know what smoking'll cost him? I mean, I figure my lungs are somewhat fucked up because I have to deal with second-hand smoke 24/7 no matter what part of the house I'm in (and my parents bitch about me not "airing" my room out), but Jesus. Bleh. I'm not saying I'm concerned about Justin (he's a bastard, c'mon), but it just makes me wonder...why would he take the risk? ...and I really hate that 90% of my family (on my mother's side) smokes. I'm definitely not going to be a part of that. I'd rather drink. >.<

I haven't been able to draw anything good lately, and I still can't get into my Keenspace account. I haven't worked on the site either. Bleh. I'll try later...it's only June 8. Plenty of time...plenty of time...so g'nite!

Ah, happy fun blogging.

It's raining. Blargh. I hope it doesn't rain later tonight. I've gotta walk. I wasn't able to walk yesterday because it was raining and I was watching Jake. So I'll have to put in extra effort today.

And school's over...finally. I'm no longer a junior. It feels funny, thinking that on July 28th I go to school as a senior. I'm really excited. I'm not excited about the school or anything, I'm just excited that I can get it over with. I want to get out of Hawaii as soon as possible, but you all know that. I'm really going to throw myself into my school work next year. I'm taking good courses, but none of them are honors (*damns the crappy way they handle honors/GT/etc stuff here*) or anything special. Meaning I have to do really well and make good scores on the SAT/ACT. I'm going to be looking for scholarships out the ass too. Even with mom working there's no way they can pay 5,000+ a year for me to go to University of Kentucky. I really really want to go there. It's two hours from home, it has what I want...and I have a good feeling about it. I don't know why. I'll get to pay resident tution (I'm planning on living with my grandmother for a little while before going off to Lexington), and if we can't afford dorms, I'll get an apartment. I'm sure I can get a part time job, and maybe even a roomie. There's an airport in Lexington too, so I can fly down to Florida or even drive...

Anyways. I think I get my report card on Friday. I think I did alright. *crosses her fingers*

...mom didn't take the job. The shift was from 3-11 pm and that's the one shift my mom didn't want. So she's still job hunting. *sigh* I hope she gets a job in time for me to start saving...>.<

Blargh. I don't want to type anymore.

Holy hell. I have completely fubared my sleeping schedule.

So yeah, I took my nap. It was almost three, and I had set it for four. Well the damn thing never went off so I woke up at like six-ish. Gah. I woke up energized, so I'm perfectly fine and bouncing around. I tried to lay down, but it didn't work. ~_~ I helped mom cook dinner (though I burned the bacon and Dad had to cook more) and walked and played with my cat. I've done nothing else that's remotely interesting. o.O

I've drawn the sixth strip to EarthBound, and it's the best looking one so far. I've decided I'm going to redraw strips 1-4 eventually. Since I actually took a ruler and attempted panaling it made everything much more organized and smoother. I can't get into my actual Keenspace account just yet (it says it takes 2 to 5 days for it to be processed), but that's alright. I don't plan on opening EarthBound right away. I'd like to have 10-15 strips, the web page at least 80-90% finished, and have a decent sized gallery before I open it. Actually, I was thinking about opening it on my birthday. Which gives me twenty-seven days to draw 4-9 strips, whatever I come up with to put in the gallery, and work on the page. Also, I'd like to change my blog layout on my birthday...and use my own art for once. ^_^ To celebrate my birthday and Earthbound's birth. I can have Lev here! Yeah! Yeah, I'm cheesy, I know.

Oh! Speaking of pages...my AlucardxIntegral shrine is finally finished! Go check it out, and sign my guestbook! XD Please?

And in case you haven't noticed, the picture link in my intro paragraph over there has changed! I've got a photo album now...even though it's crappy. See how nasty I look! Burn your eyes, I dare you!

Moving on.

Two more days of sschooooolll left. I can't wait. XD ...hrm. I've got nothing else to say. Later.

Well...I think I did alright on my Geometry exam. I blanked out on the triangles even though I stared at them for two hours last night, but they weren't the majority of the test, thank God. Plus, I get 6 extra bonus points, so it's all good.

Art was a piece of cake. An A. I got to take the picture home (about damn time) so Mom can have it once she gets in.

I'm worn out. I'm gonna take a nap, do my US History homework (argh), and draw more strips. Later.

Blaaaaaaaargh. It's 2:30 and I'm still not asleep. I've got my Geometry exam tomorrow...and I can't sleep. I laid in bed for a while, but my left knee is killing me, I've got a headache, and I feel queasy. I haven't felt this queasy in a long time...and my throat is doing this clenching thing. I think I'm gonna...puke...

...holy fucktoid. I..I have a keenspace account! Oh my jesus, that was fast! Oh god I have to stay up and work on my site now. XD

...I still feel queasy though. Queasy but happy. @_@ ...I'm gonna go.

Keenspace emailed me back!! I got the account!!

I think...I'm going to get rid of my comments. Whyfor? They're utterly USELESS. No one ever gives me what they're thinking or suggestions or what they want or ANYTHING. So what's the point of it? Really. So, I'm going to think about it s'more, and then decide. And I'm going to be pissed if you guys suddenly flood me with comments. Yes, I'm asking you not to comment. Why do I bother asking, really? None of you comment anyways. I even HINTED that y'know...I like to know what you're thinking, talk to me! but no one took up on that.

...or hardly anyone reads this because they know it's full of shit.

Moving on.

Well, all that's left is exams. I have Geometry and Art on Monday, US History and Anatomy/Physiology on Tuesday (but I took my Anatomy exam early and I got an 83 on it! *dance*), and English and Career Life and Planning on Wednesday (which is a project XP. So I only have to really worry about Geometry). Then, I'm on summer break...till July 28th. Suckage, really. I hate short summer breaks.

I really hope Lorien can come down...

...Nothing much has been happening. I've been pissfarting around on Harry's and reading the shitload of new webcomics I've found. Just waiting for something, I guess. I'm tired. School is so old. Graduation is tonight...I wish it were mine. I'm ready to move on. Hawaii has nothing for me, and it never will.

Though my birthday is next month, I don't feel excited about it. I orginally was going to do something...but I changed my mind. It's going to be a quiet birthday. I'll go out to dinner or lunch or something and have a cake. I asked for a copy of DDR (mostly because of the exercise you have to do...plus I'm fairly curious about it). If Lorien's down (that would be too cool) we'll probably just hang out. If she's here when my b-day rolls around...maybe we can go to a movie too. Nothing too fancy.

I don't expect gifts from you guys. A card would be great, or an email, or a blog entry saying happy birthday. Doesn't really matter. Sending stuff here'll be expensive. But, if you really insist on sending me something, email me and ask for my home address. Don't get me anything too big (*looks at Ang*), okay? I'll hurt you. Or die, one.

I have dinner duty tonight. I haven't even walked. *sigh* ...

Argh. So hungry. >_< Lack of anything worth eating without a shitload of carbs/fat in the house. Sentence structure horrible. Moving on!

I didn't go to school today. Why? Today's Wednesday, meaning it's a half day. Also, I had even classes today (blocks 2, 4, and 6). Those are my A classes, and we're not doing anything whatsoever. So I said to my mom: "If I can stay home, I'll clean my room." (Since it needed it, desperately) I also explained the situation. She agreed.

It took me a couple of hours to push the futon under my bed, throw away any garbage, clean up CDs, papers, pencils and whatnot, scrub down my furniture, wipe the dust off of random stuff, vacuum (it's a pain in the ass to take that thing upstairs >.<), straighten my closet, and place all my laundry in one spot. Oh! I used some air freshner. :D I suppose I could take pictures of my room...but it basically looks the same as it always have. Very little changes. ^^() I will if you guys like...LEAVE COMMENTS...and let me know! ;P

Mom went out and got an application for some nursing home/hospital/I don't know. Meaning she'll be working soon, and I'll get paid 50 bucks a week to do light housework. ^_^ I can like...buy myself stuff and buy people gifts and save up for a plane ticket. That means I can see all my happy-fun friends in Shitsa--I mean, Pensacola again! ;_; *huggles them all*

Layout plug for Kala. I made it. :D

New location plug for Ang-san. I need to change the link. ^^()

Ugh, I'm going to go hunt for some food. @_@;;

Isn't Bobby the cutest chibi furball type thing that you've EVER seen??

*dies!!*

I can't believe you did that, Ang-san...

Listening to: Evanescence, "Haunted"

I woke up around eight today. Or maybe eight-thirty. I can't remember. But I woke up, and found that the lower half of my right arm was dead. I had slept on it, thus cutting off all circulation. Still half asleep, I pulled it out from under me, the unfeeling, flopping flesh not bothering me. I've done it too many times. I turned onto my back, and laid the arm across my stomach. I kept my eyes shut as the blood painfully exploded back into my veins and arteries. It's so eerie, to lay there and feel the blood actually circulating back into your limb. It hurts. It's like a burn, but it's not hot, and it's furious, rushing in a somewhat straight line through the depths of your arm. After a minute, I can move my fingers a little, flexing them until I regain the use of my arm. The flesh is still cold, and there's a fuzzy, aching feeling leftover as the blood continues to restore my arm.

I stayed curled up in bed for another half hour, my small daybed a bitter reminder that I'm currently alone. I go to bed alone, I wake up alone. Not even having Vash (my red plaid body-pillow with yellow happy faces on it) there to huggle is comforting. He's squishy, which helps, but he's just stuffing in a cover. There's no tender touches, no soft eyes or gentle breathing...no warmth. My shoulders are aching again. When was the last time I was held? When was I last wrapped up in the warmth of another person? My memory escapes me. I hate being in my bed, but I hate leaving the warmth. My own warmth. It's the only warmth I have at the moment, and there isn't that much. It's better than forcing myself up and feeling the cold air and floor. I'm wearing winter pajamas...too comfortable and warm to give up. They have XMas ornaments on them. All my long pajamas are XMas related, and I wear them year round. The coldness around me is unbearable. The tile floor is never warm.

I get up to find out my mother passed her LPN test. The one that costs four-hundred dollars. My dad wants to take her out to dinner, but she doesn't want to go. I think we're going to have fajitas tonight. My mother has been searching for places to work at all day. When I sit down on my mom's computer, I look through all the .jpg files that I left on there and never deleted. I found some things that were horribly drawn, and got rid of them. I found some that I had forgotten about. I found a picture of my character Kairo that I have been missing terribly. I left the original in Florida with the girl who colored it for me; Cheryl. I didn't realize it until I was in Kentucky, and I've begged Taku to get it back for me and send it to me...but Cheryl hasn't been coming to school. That saddens me. It's one of my older pictures, but I'm so proud of it. Cheryl's coloring of it is out of this world...though I find that the inking of her face is a little weird. But I did scan it in, and it is on my mother's computer. I'm going to have to upload it and hide it...I don't want to lose it again.

I also had an interesting talk with Bobby. Some of you know Bobby...the guy at Escambia with the long, gorgeous hair? Yeah. Him. It's left me feeling a little weird...but I'm satisfied. I just hate that in the first comment on his journal (which I will NOT link, sorry)...he's right. It's because I haven't had that much loving human contact since I left. But it's a phase. It means nothing. I am too devoted to my special someone to do that. I refuse to do it.

And so now here I am...listening to angsty music that makes me feel sad and indifferent...but all the same self-centered and whiny. I hate myself. I hate myself so bad. I'm in pieces and utterly disconnected. I also feel cranky. I want to talk to her. I want to cling to her.

"Isn't someone missing me?"

I hate doing something and then finding out I did it for nothing, even if the thing is good for me. Like walking. I have to do it as early as possible, or I don't get to talk to anyone, mainly, my special someone. So when I walk it's around noon. When it's really fucking hot, yeah? So that way I can get it done and over with and I can have more time for that person. If I wait any longer, it'll wind up being really late over there. So I come home hot, sweaty, worn out, and lightheaded to find out she isn't here. She wasn't able to give me an earlier warning since it was a spontaneous decision.

That's fine, that's great. I don't care if you're not coming home or if you're gonna be with a friend...but I just really really hate doing something that was really unnecessary! Or something that I could've done later without worrying about not being back in time, or the heat and humidity! You're the only reason I walk. If I can't talk to you, what's the point in walking?

Argh at my antisocialness. I get to stare at the walls today.

Happy Birthday Nextgen!!

I tried to draw a fanart of Me-non for you but it just didn't come out. @_< But I hope you have a great day. ^^

Listening to: Moonlight Densetsu (by one of the many Seramyu casts...it actually sounds better than Dali singing ^^0)

Well, things are better now. My special someone and I were able to patch things up, and things are better than ever!! Elephant shoe~~ :p I'm gonna try really hard now! I will be a better girlfriend!! Huzzah!! (Kaenix, you're a bad influence :P)

Oh, speaking of Kaenix...layout and new location plug. I did the layout. I've never done a layout with a movie picture type thing before. It turned out okay, I guess. ^^() And yes, Kae-chan, you now know the bannerless-ness that is Pitas!! Mwahaha. I'm converting everyone (save those that have their own servers, damn you).

Speaking of X-2, I'm gonna try to see it on Sunday. I have some info to find out tomorrow. Like...who's gonna come and whatnot. ~_~ Yeah, I'm bad like that. WOLVERINE! I want some Wolverine! XP And I'd like to see Nightcrawler in action...I mean...he's got Dag hands (save the fingernails). o.o (Dag is my own alien race that has three fingers...and uh...Nightcrawler...has three fingers ^^()). I just realized that. ...Woo, I'm in a good mood.

I have...eight school days left total! June 4th needs to hurry up and get here, damnit. I'm sick of school. I'm gonna wind up with a C in Geometry (he won't fucking explain shit to me!! ><) and hopefully A's/B's in everything else. Everyone's already out, damnit. Not fair. Stupid six week summer vacation. Rar. Summer needs to get here so I can have Lorien come and see me!! I also turn 17 next month. ...on June 20th, I have been six months out of Florida. I can't believe it's been that long. ;_; I miss all you guys. I can't wait to get back.

Today I waited in line for twenty/thirty minutes to sign up for my damnable senior pictures. My appointment is July 24th, at 4:30. They gave me a packet with all the info...and DAMN. It's really expensive. I'm glad I forgot to turn in money to get a class ring. The cheapest package is $99 (and you don't get anything, I'm serious) plus a $30 session fee. What I'll probably do is go get the yearbook stuff done and take my senior pictures early next year. Hopefully I won't be such a fat ass by that time.

I'm finally getting comfortable with the people I hang out with at school. Unfortunately, one of the coolest out of the group, Danny (aka Superman), is leaving next month. I'm gonna talk to my 'rents about having an early b-day party just so he can come. Danny is a great guy. Gah, I don't even know where he's moving...I think Mississipi. @_@ I think Chibi's leaving too. (Not ChibiChibi-chan, mind you. :P This guy's name is Lee, but he's CHIBI! ^^) Also, I found out that the majority of people I hang out with are sophmores. Danny's a junior, but he's moving, and the only other one is Katie. @_@ Chibi's a freshman. XD He's so cute.

Uhhhh...uhh...okay I just drew a blank. A tv dinner calls me. Later!

.::.is that you.::.