04:31 a.m.
Ja ne !
02:59 a.m.
Essentailly, I'm feleing a bit better, but not much, Iam having more good days, but I still have bad days, the only problem is hta bad days are worse than a whole week of the previous bad days. I'm also at war with horrendous headaches, at some points the pain is almost debilitating. They were a little less frequent when I wasn't having as many good days. I've actually fallen down because of the pain these things inflict on me. I'm not on any medication, I feel that it's not a healthy way to deal with the issues. No one knows for sure weather the chemichals are imbalenced etc, they just assume. For all intents and purposes, these things are uppers, which is essentailly, medically prescribed speed. The conflict here is that I'm a very anti drug person, Yes I've done a few things, and learned the hard way, through experience and by watching others become vegetables, that although there's a high, being in control and alive is a better hit than anything else.
I was able to talk one of my friends out of going for a smoke, and I'm not refering to cigs. It made me feel better, knowing that what I had sayd actually sunk in for once. He's a good kid, but is a little hyper most of the time. He's great fun and loves to play around with my bisexuality. I'm not sure he knows about it, but it's funny when he jumps me and tries to ride me, I always get a good laugh out of it. Don't get me wrong, if given the choice I'd take pussy anyday over cock. There's nothing I like more than women. Speaking of women I love, I'm really missing my g/f right now. It's very difficult for me to go through all of the crap I'm dealing with right now with out having the hugs and kises that reinforce her support. I know she supports me with all her heart, but I really need the physical as well.
My side of the room is a mess, which makes it difficult, because my side of the room, only has room for the mess. Essentially, the room is about 14LX10W ft in size, devided by two, which gives me about 14X5 ft, or less actually I'm just guessing. It's small and it fills up with my crap quickly. I was going to clean it all up and attempt to find a space for it all, but I ended up sleeping, and then just chilling out over at E-san[ » ]'s place and played "Onimusha" on my Ps2 (thank you mommy and daddy) which was my b-da gift. It's a little difficult to do anything with becase there's no mem card for it and aparently they're a rarety here in Canada. Go figure, the second most important piece of hardware reqiore by the system and we don't ave any. Bah oh well.
I was freaking out last night, to the point where I was almost in tears, I tried to call Arv, but I can't remember if no one picked up, or I got scared and hung up. I just needed t oget out of here. I needed to be with people I loved, and who love me equally. I ended up going out to bubble tea with E-san[ » ] and a few other friends who're part of W.A.I.! even thoug E-san[ » ] was there, whom I love, the others made it well, it just wasn't the same , and it wasn't quite what I needed, but it seemed to work just enough to keep me sane.
someone just recently came by and asked if I had looked out hte windows and witnessed the supposed fight. I don't care for such things, so I told him to go fuck himself, and to not bother me this late, even though my door is open a crack. The doors open to leat the room cool down a bit, there's something wrong when you sit down in a T-shirt and sweat from typing. Anway, after he fucks off, I can hear him systematically knock on everyone elses door, like thye care, I'm pretty sure they'd rather sleep at three AM.
There's just somehting wrong about eating cold poptarts. I mean yeah they taste almost the same, but I think the jell in the middle really needs to be liquified through heat before it gets that "just right" taste to it. I should stop eating crap for breakfast.
I'm very much loving the mini-mart at the moment, although thier proces are unbelievably high, they're the only fucking place I can find that sells A&W rootbeer in the bottle. That's like selling jesus' tears to the born again christians, but in a totaly non religious frame of mind. I hate christianity. They're nice people and all, but fuck off you're not the ONLY good religion out there, so leave me the Fuck alone about it.
Speaking of religion, I'm starting to read a great deal about Buddhism, and I'm really getting into it. I think, if I do select a religion to follow, this seems to be the most compatable with my curent beliefs. So, in a short while I might even be a religious person. Lets hope not LOL just kidding, everyoe has a religion, even if it's no religion. I guess that's difficult to understand, but it's true.
I'm going to be creating a Vampire Hunter D layout soon, I want it to be really special, so I'm going to spend at least a week in its creation. So unfortuantly you'l still have to look at this plain boring YAUA layout. I htink it's nice, but a bit dry and simple. I just couldn't find anything that went with it to spice it up.
I had a nice very short chat with Meta-chan[ » ] Nothing much was said of any great importance. I'm excited that she's going back to Korea in the summer, I'm not sure if it's a sure ting or not. But if she does I'll be very jealous. I've never been off this blasted continent of stupid people. I only dream of the day where I can explore all that inspires from Asia. I think I'll stop in Thailand first, then Singapore, maybe a short stop in China, definatly Honk Kong, and I don't think I'll ever come back from Japan. I think if I were to visit there, I'd Fall to pieces, it's for lack of a better word, my mecca. It has been calling me from the day I knew it existed. Which is a dman lot longer than I knoew about Anime. I always knew all the coolest stuff came from Japan.
I don't have much social blogging to do, other than to say hi to a few new friends. so Hi to Kenage[ » ], Kee[ » ], Reinselft[ » ].
ok nighty night, Ja ne !
12:32 a.m.
I am happy.. yay ^_^ hyper is more like it ne ?LOL later !
10:09 p.m.
If you read my last entry and found the multitude of typos and bad spelling, and if you've got an issue with it, then may I sudjest you go have a fun game of, hide and go fuck yourself. I'm getting worse. There's no fucking way in hell I'm putting something designed to fuck with my head in my body. I intended t ogo to all my classes today, I've missed about 2 weeks so far, but I've actually not missed a great deal of anything, at least that I know of. Upon my retun to my classes I'll present my profs with letters from me explaining my fuct up situation, and that I expect nothing from them but their understanding and compassion for my situation. I've discovered that the cause of this is my room. There's nothing wrong with the room, it's nice and all, I don't mind my rommie he's nice and all, but the issues is, its a fucking jail cell, I'm am totally trapped, totally isolated from all of my friends, there isn't enough room to do ANYTHING here, I don't have room to put a book down unless it's on my bed, and the room is CLEAN so no complaints about moving stuff around and making room. Make room WHERE ? there isn't fucking room here. I hate to say it but it's really ficking getting to me, I hate it with a mad passion, when I'm in here I feel trapped and I feel that I cant leave, it sucks all of my energy so I don't feel like going out anywhere. I want ot go to my classes, I want to do well, I want to be myself again. but every morning I tell my self I'm oing to get up and go, I end up under my blankets wishing it would all just go away. Never have I felt this trapped and terrified. I feel like crying constantly, I just want to scream I want to tear down these fucking walls. I put in a request for transfer before x-mas but hte FUCKHEADS down in the res life ofice have done absolutly FUCK all about it. I'm going to see a councelor tomorrow. I'm going to spill it all to them, wit hany luck I'll get them on my side, and perhaps get some weight behind my moving to the other rez. I feel better there, I feel safe and happy. I like the people, I know the people, they like me, they like having me around. There's significantly more room there, ¼ of thier room is about that wich me and my roomie share. I feel as if my life day by day the longer I stay in here is getting weaker and weaker.
I wish I had a digicam so I could show all of you all my neato anime stuff. I look around at hte pages and you're all drooling over each other things, I think it's funny. I want to be part of it. I also want some feedback on my page. I guess I should put a mail to link on his blog so those who do read it can talk to me. I have no idea who reads this, aside from those whom I talk directly to.
Everyone of my friends is being very supportive and wonderfull, I only wish I could get better to show how much thier support is helping me. I'm pretty fucking close to crying now. I'm not to sure how much longer I can keep going before I have to burry my head in a pillow.
I never feel badly about myself, I know I've accomplished a great deal and that I'm a great person and all that. but I still don't have the confidence in myself that others see. I'm not sure if I'm making any sence right now. There's a cup of cld kimcih on the desk that needs to be tossed out, there's also a bowl that needs to be washed. Laundry that needs to be done. I don't feel like I have the energy to do it. I feel so lonely. I just want it to go away.
Meta-chan[ » ], I don't think I mentioned my b-day before it's not a big deal. I don't expect anything from anyone over it, I don't think much of it but thank you ^_^ it makes me feel a little bit better.
I never felt anyhting towards killing myself, I just want to go away, just to get away from this room. I want to be with my friends all the time. Even they htink this place is too tiny, and that it bothers them as well. I'm always uncomfortable here, even in bed where there's the most space it's still cramped. Doesn't matter much. I'll prolly just continue to get worse until I'm no longer able to function and end up failing everything. Seems fitting, I never work hard enough to do things well. I'll just fail like I always do. I don't think I'll ever get away form that.
I don't want to talk anymore. thinking is beginning to hurt, being awake is painfull. I'm not sure what I'm going to do anymore. I want to cry.
good night, I'll let you know how I'm doing tomorrow after non, after I've done my tests, seen the councelor, and fucked the res life people up the ass for a while to get me out of here. They make me mad, they keep telling me they'll let me know but nothing happens. I'm going to make them do something about it tomorrow. fuck.. UlthraN there's that if you want to mail me about anyhtingI'd like some feed-back about the site and all. Whatever I'e had enough of this shit for tonight.
06:38 p.m.
Bwa!... I am not Old !
yes I may be 21, I may be older than most everyone around me, but I'm not OLD !
yes I had a nice wekeend at home, well it was short and sweet. I got to hang out with L, and with P, and do some light shopping. I think I'm ina bit of financial troubl at the moment. which is always unpleasent. I really shouldn't have purchased so much. Oh well.
Yes..yes.. Sat was my b-day (whopee) another year older etc.. so what'd I get ? well some undies, a screwdriver (YAY) and a Ps2, no game, just the system.
As always, whenever I'm in Toronto I ry to stop by Kikiwai[ » ]. his time I just got Manga. #7 & #23 of Ah my goddess, I'm working from both ends to get it done faster and have all hte new ones at the same time. P got me #9 of AMG for my b-day as wel las lunch. I picked up #2 of Kareshi Kanojo No Jijou, as they were out of #1. >_< next time ne ?
I'm trying to remember other interesting things that have happened within the last litle while. Oh yes, accordig to the local clinic here, I'm suffering from one of those chemical imbalences that causes depression, and they tried to put me on happy pills, well I'm not one to tell them to fuck off, but I'm still not taking the pills. I will however see a councelor. I'm actually feeling significantly better after my trip home. which is nice for a change, with any luck I'll continue to feel better. Or, the fun part, I'm not depressed and I've got soe sort of nasty disease that I have to get blood test done for, which I should have done today, but I was too damn busy, I'll do it on Wed.
There is very little other than that here. According to some sources, the last meeting of my anime club went poorly at best, which is f no fault at all of the one I left in charge. I'm very dissapointed with the behavior of some of our members, and said behavior will be discussed at hte next meeting.
Meta-chan[ » ] You're going to die when you see this. Actuall yI odn't have anyhtingto take photos of it at the moment. but I'm sure you'll recognize the stock image I have of it.
Yes that is the Bible of all that is anime, yes that Is in fact the Amano Vampire hunter D Art book. L gave it to me for my b-day and I'm so very very very very very happy (this is better than a ps2) I am in awe of its beauty, nothing can compare to its supreme perfection, well perhaps having Amano sign it then, well I'd just die a instant happy death !
Things about Hentai
- It's just plain silly
- Tenticles aren't that scarry when you've got one yourself
- Porn in genreal is funny
- Dub porn is even funnier because of bad voice acting
- I like porn, I htink it's time for D and I to go get this months installment LOL
- Porn is expensive
I dont really have too many poeple looking at this site, aside from Meta-chan[ » ] and E-san[ » ] I hope to have new Blog friends soon, so I can write about more than just them.
ok enough for now Ja ne !
09:52 p.m.
Ok I'm tired and I can only tink of one thing right now.
Meta-Chan[ » ] Please, I'm comming home this comming weekend SAVE SOME STUFF FOR ME AND E-SAN[ » ]! LOL, ok night night !
Ja ne !
06:50 p.m.
ok, so here I am stuck in the damn sound lab over at the art building. The mixer is totally fux0red up, luckily we were able to get some sort of noise out of it and initiate our lame ass project. Who ever was in here before us, will die a horrible horrible death because of the state they left the system in. OMG !!! I hate this thing, at least there's a computer with the internet in here. I'm sick and I want to go home. This is totally rotton. so far we're about one third of the way through the project.
At least we were able to get info on moving into our house for next year. As it turns out there are four of five houses that are within our standards of well essentially, we need a "house" that has a min of five bedrooms, six if D decides to join with us. She'd be the only female in a house of five guys (eek, hmm not sure that's a good idea, but we'll try to behave) LOL. So the landlord will call us back in about a week letting us know weather the house we want is available. I think we save about $1000 off of living on campus, and we also get a crap load more privacy and space, and a fucking clean ass shower with no fear of some nasty fungal infection.
I managed to eat three cheeseburgers and a big mac, I feel terrible. I can't remember how manytimes I've told myself not to eat at Mc Crappies. ButI do any way..
so yeah, I suppose back to work. this is totallt stupid, we didn't get anywhere near enough instruction as to how to operate any of this equipment, thanks to a stupid mother fucker who didn't have a god damned fucking clue himself AAAAAARRRG 1 >_<;; ! bleh
Ja ne !
03:38 a.m.
Today was a long and interesting day. I'm sick again, not the same sick as last week but a new different sick, but just as irritating. So I didn't end up going to any classes again. E-san[ » ] calls, normally he msg, oh right LuciferII was off. Any way, so he calls, and tells me that his package from his sis arrived. Now this is exciting for me too because his sis sent me some stuff from Singapore. Now as I recall before any of this happened I remember waking up to the sound of the fire bell, so in a feverish frenzy I toss on some clothes an start walking down the stairs. I get to the bottom only to find out it was a fucking test. Godamn them I'm sick with a fever, and I should be sleeping. NEXT. ok so I'm walking over to pick up E-san's[ » ]package, and I notcice I can't see for shit. He then teases me by waving some part of his body inf front of my face making me lose ballence. Baka. Now we have the package. We now eat, to get my BLT (bacon letuce and tomatoe) sub, I have to instruct the damn bitch as to how to do it. Fuck I'm sick bitch ask someone else. So we eat. E-san[ » ] openes the package, and pulls out the special edition #1 Love hina Manga. DROOL. I can bearly see it but it's beautiful. Along with it came issues 12, and 13. Also very beautiful. the rest of the package was x-mas presents for him and they were nice. He should talk about them not me.
E-san[ » ] and a few of our friends are looking at getting a house for ourselves for next year. So later on today (it's 4 am fuckers!) we shall go looking for one.
Meta-chan[ » ], Ragnarok Online is pretty much like diablo, or Diablo 2, except it's actually 3D landscapes which are stunning, with an amazing soundtrack (in mp3) with Kawaii 2D characters. The basic premis of Diablo, click kill sort of thing is there, but it's much more entertaining. check it out, ask E-san[ » ] how to set it up exacly, it's tricky.
good night, Ja ne !
04:52 a.m.
I am totally adicted to this new game (stil in beta testing) Ragnarok online. I've been playing for a little over a month now, but never really got too into it until just recently. The reason being was the huge ass patches and bad lag in the game which is now fixed (wai!). The Game orginates from Korea and what I end up playing is essentially a poorly translated port. Meta-chan[ » ] When you go back to Korea to teach, please give the creators of this game a great big hug for me!.
I had asperations of eventually moving, or if not moving taking a long stay in Japan to teach english. I think I'll try and apply for an exchange via the university first. If that falls through I've come acros some great organizations that actually help people like me get jobs teaching over there.
Later this evening, around 8 pm ish, is W.A.I.!'s first viewing of the year. I'm not sure if it will be a success, due to the fact we may not have out digital projector, and well it'll just plain suck. Aparently, E-san[ » ] had attemped late last niht to secure our use of it, but was turened down by one of the office late night retards. Don't they know who we are, and that we're higher on the food chain than them ? sure they have a job with them, But we get money from them JUST FOR BEING A CLUB *Evil Laugh* that and we can get thier asses fired pretty damn fast if we don't get what we want. So bitchy-poo, on the off chance that you would ever read this, yo ass is grass. now gimme ma damn projector.
I Finally was able to retrieve BOTH my tv and vcr from their respective places of detain ment, not saying any names but (TOBY QUIT STEALING MY STUFF!) and I ended up watching too much tv while I couldn't sleep.
I picked up the new 20th an TRON dvd set while I was at zellers today, yeah I know zellers sucks but it was 8$ cheaper than anywhere else ok ! watched the 5 hour making of (good lord that was cool and boring at the same time).
While on hte same trip I managed to pick up the FINAL piece of me E^2-Prom programmer. In dumb terms thats an (Electronically Erasable / Programable Read Only Memory) chip programmer, essentially, the stuff that runs fuel injection systems in cars, and for the reason I use it to replrogram the chips in my busted ass arcade games. and the finale pice was! (lame drum role of me thumping my desk) A male printer port connctor. yes lame, and very difficult to find. it's the last and simplest part of this project. I'm just happy I finally have it.
I think my parents are getting me a Ps2 for my 21st B-day, which is comming up soon in about 2 weeks. Contact E-san[ » ] if you want to get me any presents LOL (just kidding), but really I don't know who reads this thing. I should get my ass in gear and put on a guest book or a comments thing or something like that.. any idea how ?
wow 6:10 Am and I'm still not sleepy, I'll prolly hit a wall around lunch time and fall asleep in my food. Speaking of which I need to get some food to munch on, I went hungrey this evening, there isn't even anything to drink in here.. *gurggle* uuh.. ok going to TRY and sleep. Or knock myself out on the head board. lol Good morning (FUCK) talk to you all later. ja ne...
01:48 a.m.
01:47 a.m.
It seems I've been getting a great deal of hits on the site recently, and it's not me. I'm wondering where all you people come from. I wonder if you've got anything to say to me. Which would be neat, because no one has ever really commented on this before. hmm. I should integrate a responce thing into this somehow... looks difficlult, I'll ask E-san[ » ] how to do it like his.
Oh so tired, I can feel my brains oozing out of my ears. Simple things are becomming complicated, and basic ideas are becomming confusing. I think I'm close to a shutdown, where my body overtakes the brain and knocks me out for a few days. As much funs as that would be, I reallu can't deal with that right now.. AH TO MUCH CRAP !
I did the outlinning of the W.A.I.! mascotte Nekodius just recently I'll toss up an image of him, even though it really belongs to E-san[ » ]ok here's goes nothing (I suppose)
Ok, that's enough for tonigh, have a good one. Ja ne!
07:27 p.m.
Today we went out and put up posters for our booth at the Windsor club days thing on wednesday. But before we did this, I bought a toob of toothpaste, which is very impotant remember that for later in todays blog. So on to these posters, just click these little things to see the whole thing
Don't They look nice ? I espcially love the one of Ashton and Ururun and Gyoro.. aww so kawaii!
Ok about the Toothpase. the deal is I had bought htis right before we put up the posters. so I put it on hte counter while stamping all the posters with the university stamp that oks the posters. so then we put up hte posters, get a bite, and head back to rez. I'm lazily watching Tv, and I turn ot Arvin, and say "hey, I'vegot a really good question for you... Where the FUCK is my toothpaste" we both end up laughing, so we head back to the students centre and there it is sitting right where I had left it.. baka.. so Igrab it and we get more food, I thought it was very funny. Anyway that's it. I went to 205, very dull. but eh what can you do ? that's it for now. Ja ne !
01:12 p.m.
I missed my art history class on purpose today, it looked cold outside and I'm still feeling sick, so I decided not to push my luck any.
I ended up watching MIB on Tv last night, I an't wait till the new movie comes out. it's looks sugoi !
E-san[ » ] Thanks for being there, and quit thinking this has anything to do with you ! >_<; *smak* *smak* baka !
Meta-chan[ » ] you're right, I'm a big wierdo, and I should have notice how I was treating you, sorry for those years of stalking lol. I'll make sure nothing like that happens again.
I'm on my third bottle of Moutain Dew Code Red, or as we call it here Code harroin, this shit is ADDICTIVE. It's not particularly tastey or anything, but you crave it. I don't want ot drink any more but the urge is still there ! AHH >_<; !
I spent all sunday working on my new case, I'll grab a digi cam and put up some photos asap. But in the meantime here's the low down and dirty on what I did. I basically chopped up the inside frame for better air flow, that and it was tough to get some cables through. I cut some holes on the back for exhaust fans. Finally I painted all of the interior frame blood red, well this is "Lucifer II" we're talking about, I'm not going to paint the prince of darkness pink now am I ? ie ie ie ie ie... =^_^=
I'm in love with Ashton from StarOcean Ex (and the manga too) Ururun and Gyoro, aww they are so Kawaii I can't get enough of them!
Ah Belldandy-sama ! .. ahem none of your damn business where that's going LOL ^^;
Ok almost time for lunch, as soon as G gets back from class.. baka, YOU SHOULD LEARN FASTER SO I DON'T GET HUNGRY !.. LOL Ja ne !
11:10 a.m.
11:09 a.m.
Depresion has het me like a brick wall, I'm counting my teeth to make sure they're all there. I don't want ot talk to anyone, see any one, and I'm getting pretty fuking sick of toby calling over and over, do I have to get hte campus police on his ass to make him stop?
Chances are I'm not going to feel like talking or seeing anyone for a while, therfore it's a monumental waste of time to even bother, there are a few people to which I will talk to, unfortunatly none of them read this, or attend this school.
I'm depressed, yes, so let me fucking deal with it. this is the point where anyone whom I don't wish contact with will only make things worse. I can't fucking sleep, I'm not hungry, I miss my home, I miss my signif-other, I miss whatever sex life I had, I miss my mommy, and I want to go home. I'm going to bed. don't call, don't write, don't do anything.
07:09 p.m.
01:44 p.m.
ok this thins is giving me a real headache, with any luck the cogeco system will be up soon and I'll be able to write a better blog without getting sick *urg* *barf* ! Ja ne !
01:44 p.m.
09:23 p.m.
01:34 p.m.
Social!
ok planning my next trip to Kikiwai[ » ] perhaps some people who live in toronto or like to visit there would like to accompany me ^_^
I guess I'm off to another 3 hour lecture in a little bit. Yay Multimedia. Then after that it's Photography. Yay happy rest of the day !
ok Ja ne.
01:59 a.m.
ok enough rant for tonight, have a good sleep everyone.
Ja ne !
01:47 a.m.
Ok, so I've finally almost finished the new layout. It needs some tweaking here and there. You know all the little fancy bits and all that.
Ok time for bed. Ja ne !
