aoi kaze

damn...


[6:23am] this is the first time in a long time that i couldn't sleep. even had a bad dream last night. we were all in the caf...then i walked by her...and i was like "i need to tell you something"...and then in the end, i really had no courage to. maybe nichole was right...about how she'll probably be like "where were you all this time amanda? why haven't you talked to me?" but at the same time, i know that she's not that emotional. but then...is this really going to work? i mean...will she ever talk to me? hard enough seeing her at school...considering how we have no classes together and we hardly see each other at lunch too. i really wonder how all of this is going to turn out in the end. we are really close friends...but how strong is this friendship of ours? i don't even know myself...but i regret being busy all of this time. too busy to talk to her...too busy to hang out with her. i guess...they're right...i don't even talk to her online...i don't call her, cuz i don't have her number...and the only way i can possibly talk to her is at school. but then, will it be like my dream? will it be that hard? i really wonder...but then at the same time, i hope it's going to be alright. i need more sleep >___<.


the reason i don't write about my friend problems much is cuz the same problem applies to more than one person. i guess, i wish i could think like i did last year...maybe i was better off depressed...cuz really, that was my only problem. now...its one year later...markville mayhem once again. i wonder how it will turn out. i remember that day, how i said i would risk everything for her...cuz our friendship is very important to me...and how i'd never give up no matter what because we've been through so much. so many of those meaningful conversations, i don't know...do they even mean anything anymore? i guess i'm sort of living in the past...as i don't really know what kind of person she is now, but i know that i at least tried. but even from the beginning, i know that we had drifted apart from all that time. i figured that she doesn't even need me in her life...cuz she has all those friends to surround her. i would be jealous, but im not. because, i've been through all of this already. and frankly, i don't want to start an argument with her once again. i guess, i don't fit in her busy schedule at all. i guess i've always wanted us to hang out once again, but i've never actually considered the consequences of me actually asking. bitterly rejected, probably. i know she'll say something about me having this attachment to my other friends, and how i have to be with them. no, of course not. if i did it in gr10, i would do it once again this year. nothing has really changed. i don't know...that awkwardness...as if...we really don't know much about each other, i don't think that we are bestfriends anymore. the one person i cried so much for. the one person i would give anything just to see once again. after all of that...after being depressed for that long period of time, i guess i just give up. there's really nothing more that i can do. i give an impression that i don't care anymore, and that i've given up...but im far from that. it hurts like hell to walk by someone like that and simply ignore them...its not an easy thing to do but i think i've gotten used to it already. to see them always be surrounded by all these friends, i guess, i just can't compare at all. i can't be there for her like they can...i mean...even though we used to be really close, i guess...that time is over. i won't be jealous...that's not the type of person i am. i'll accept the truth for what it is and just move on.

\listening to: once again (melody)

damn...


[11:14am] it's been a while, hasn't it? damn...i really should update more because after all, this IS my blog. there's just been too much that's happened recently...life is a bitch, isn't it? i feel that i should be honest here...since i can't be on deadjournal. i think the world is a very cruel place...because everytime i try and write down what i truly think, it always ends up in some kind of scandal. well then, what are blogs for? i don't know. it's just...don't people have better things to do than bother me about the things i write? it's not like they're offensive or anything...and plus, it's from my point of view...i don't know how to write it from anyone else's.


anyways, it was my brother's birthday on friday. it was cool...at 5:00 we went to [the keg] to eat dinner. i bought him a beanie baby monkey named "dangles"...cute huh?? loll....it was good!!...i ate fajita again and then i couldn't finish it >___< but it was good!! the server was such an ass though. and in the end, we got a free slice of cake^^. ahhh~~ my brother is 25 now....time passes by fast, doesn't it?


i realize that no matter how sad i am, that doesn't mean i shouldn't continue my life. things only happen once and if i don't take the opportunity to cherish them while i can, i might live to regret it later. so yea...it's gr11 now. gr10 second semester was indeed fun, but there were alot of problems that were waiting to happen. for one thing, i had all the wrong friends in gr10, i really did. people who i considered my friends were just bitches...they really were. i feel like i wasted so much time...because after all the time i spent helping them with their problems...being there for them...it was all a waste in the end. like hell they remember any of that anymore. people are such bitches these days. no matter what you do for them, in the end, it still means nothing in the end. so i'd rather not do that anymore. i'd rather not make friends because i know that sooner or later, i'll end up losing them anyways. at this point, it really wouldn't matter if gr10 ever happened or not. actually...specifically...it doesn't matter if second semester never happened because nothing would be that different. the only things about that semester worth remembering is comm tech...and the fact that i talked to her again. bitch as me as much as you want, i don't care what people think. everyone knew i was depressed...but at the same time, they were all trying to run my life...telling me not to cave, telling me not to talk to her. then one day, i went and talked to her anyways because it was something that i wanted to do. who cares what other people thought...it's none of their business. i was bestfriends with her again, so shouldn't everyone be happy for me? the time that we were ok again, that was the happiest 2 weeks of my life. of course, there were things that bothered me...but i tried my best not to think about it. who cares about anything else...the only thing that mattered was that we were bestfriends again. but after those 2 weeks...i don't know...things just started going wrong. i must admit...i regret what happened to us on the last day of school. because for one thing, all those people that were so against me being friends with her in the first place were overjoyed that we finally had a problem. during the summer, i did alot of thinking, and i realized that those people who always expected us to have problems...there's no way in hell they are real friends. after that day, i didn't want to talk to her. i just couldn't handle what happened but at the same time, i wasn't ready to end our friendship. after all that happened, i couldn't just go back on everything i had said...and i wasn't ready to give up on everything. so...i didn't go online for 30 days. it was to get over what happened on that day...and then...after those 30 days i was gonna decide if i still wanted to talk to her or not. i guess...i never wanted to talk about that day again. and i still don't. it was too painful. and...yea...that 30 day thing was really dramatic...oh my god =____=. but it wasn't that hard, and i survived^^


the rest...i don't want to talk about it. it's too painful. but anyways, we're bestfriends again (i fink)...and that's the only thing that counts. who care what other people think...they should get a fucking life if they think they can judge us like that. it's not that everything that happened in the past should be forgotten...it's just that...i dun think it really concerns anyone else. i was stupid in gr10...to think that other people could really give me advice on my friend problems. but i realized that they're worse off than i am, because they have problems dealing with their OWN problems. i was so dumb back then. made friends with all these bitches. hmm...let me say this here and now. if one day, something happens between us again, then...it's fine...i won't regret it...i won't dwell upon. if we aren't bestfriends anymore, it would take time, but i would get over it sooner or later. this is gr11 for god's sake. like hell i have time to make as many mistakes as i did in gr10.


i'm tired. last nite, i was on the phone with hing dai and now i'm super tired.

\listening to: mflo ft. melody & ryohei - miss you

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!


[9:06pm] sadly, the holidays are over now and school starts tomorrow. i actually had fun these 2 weeks. i didn't do anything at first but then it became a really tiring holiday. my gosh...i went shopping so often...so often that i'm sick of shopping now. yesyes it seems impossible but yea i'm really sick of it. i WOULD go shopping more but i'm out of money now. i spent $200 on boxing day...my gosh, just couldn't resist. and then i went on the 28th, 29th, and 31st too. i'll rest for a while and perhaps in february i'll shop again.


i didn't actually countdown though >____<...but i watched the countdown on tv. i was writing a DJ entry that took me almost 2 hours but then i clicked something wrong and it A L L got deleted. my gosh >___<...it just wasn't fair. on the other hand, i drank beer for the first time...although not alot though. it's not as bad as people say it is. i mean sure, it is kind of bitter, but then what's even worse is red wine. my gosh...i remember i drank half a cup of that before but i didn't even like it.


i woke up at 2:30 on new years day i think...my gosh did my head hurt. i went to dinner later that night though. weird though...only my parents and my bro and i went. we wanted to go eat dinner but then at those restaurants it was expensive to eat with such few people so we went to PT and eat at tin wong instead. we usually go there for lunch so it was weird eating there. but at least i got milk tea ^____^. but oh my gosh...i SWEAR someone called my name. i was sitting there and someone yelled "AMANDA!" but i'm sure it was probably someone else. but there was this girl from my school..in gr10 i think. psh...little kids.


i watched BR later that night with my bro...for the 2nd or 3rd time. it's a great movie =)...i wanna read the original book...the one that was translated into english [link] but it's quite expensive though...comes out to about $30...holyyy...i can't afford that. but then at amazon.com it's about $12US...how much is that canadian? i think i'd much rather get the sekai no chuushin de ai wo sakebu book although i don't think it's been translated into english yet. but it looks like a good story ^____^...now that i've already seen the show.


anyways, i never quite understood the ending of BR1. it's kind of confusing. i mean...when Kawada told Nanahara and Noriko that he was lying, what happened next? there was a gunshot and then on the monitors it said that the 2 were killed. what happened...? did Kawada really hack into the system like Kitano said? but i thought Mimura was the one that did the hacking. and another thing, how were the computers fine again the next morning? and how did Kawada fix the collars so that they would show that the 2 were dead? i don't know >____< but then this site somewhat explained it [battle royal film].


anyways, i stayed up until 7am...downloading manga i think. my gosh are my eyes tired. but this morning, [Johnnys' Big Surprise Concert] finished downloading...after it took like 10 hours for it to connect properly -_______-;;. i watched it right away. i had a feeling the fans didn't enjoy it that much. for one thing, Tackey&Tsubasa only made 2 performances...no wait 3. they sang Yume Monogatari and then they appeared in Andalucia and Kimi Dake Ni i think. i don't know about Andalucia though...i didn't see that part yet...but in Kimi Dake Ni, Tsubasa was standing right behind Uekusa Katsuhide (of Shounentai). i had a feeling that they didn't enjoy the concert that much because when they showed the shot of the audience, they didn't seem that happy. i guess it's because most of them weren't fans of the old johnnys' groups.


for the first time, NewS, Kanjani 8 and Kat-tun attended. wait was Kat-tun there last year? i don't remember...but if they were, then this year is the first time they were there to perform a song. i'm guessing that all the KJ8 members were of age because they all performed at the concert. but kusano, shige, and tegoshi could not perform but they were still there in the audience. actually i didn't finish watching the whole concert yet...i missed some performances because i wanted to skip to the shonentai part.


seems that shonentai was the surprise guest. in every johnnys' concert/medley i've seen, there are usually the same guests. higashiyama (shonentai) would always come to sing andlucia/kimi dake ni/kamen budokai, akira akasaka and atsuhiro satoh (hikaru genji) would always come to sing paradise ginga/garasu no juudai and keiichiro (otokogumi) would always come to sing daybreak. so basically, it wasn't a surprise to me that they were going to be there. but then this year, for the first time (i think) shonentai was going to be there all together...yes, even uekusa and nishikiori i don't remember the last time i saw them perform together with johnny's groups -_____- or maybe i should watch the older concerts. oh my goodness i almost fainted. after Andalucia, everything goes quiet and then the circular stage lights up and higashiyama comes out from a levitating platform and sings...KIMI DAKE NI. oh my gosh...>____<...i love that song so much. but usually, they'd play a clip of shonentai singing that song and then higashiyama would usually start singing a few lines later. but this time, he starts singing. er...but i thought in the original version, uekusa sings that part. after higashiyama sings his part, the camera zooms in on another platform and uekusa is there. i don't think he has aged that much even though he is 38. he looks like he gained a bit of weight and his voice has surely aged, but his appearance is not bad for someone who is almost 40. higashiyama doesn't look that bad either. but nishikiori looks like he's getting old...sadly >___<. yupyup...so after, the camera zooms in to nishikiori for a few lines and the group altogether sings a few lines. the next song..i never heard it before >___<...deka meron ____ i don't know the rest though. the finale of the whole concert is shonentai's debut song kamen budokai and each group sings a few lines...so cute!!


i should really watch the rest of it though. arg...school tomorrow. i wanna go watch the rest of the azumanga daioh episodes again though >___<.


oh yes, ALMOST forgot. yesterday, my friend told me about the two thai boys who are in johnnys' jr. i never knew there were thai boys in johnnys' jr...but i know now. when the jr's went to thailand, they supposedly backdanced for them. they are SOOOOO cute oh my GOODNESS....here is the link to the forum but the links are hard to find so i'll post them here. ahhh >____<...credit to the original poster though >___< gomen gomen but they are such cute boys. [1][2][3][4][5]


i wanna see the other thai junior boys though...wonder if they can sing well lol =P.

\listening to: dreamin blood (kanjani 8)


-----------------------------------------------------------

++BATTLE ROYALE

i found a BR quiz and i did the quiz 3 times because i wanted to see what other results i could get =P.



"Why!?!...STOP..STOP!!" - #3 Kenai

Which Battle Royale Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla




"RUN!" -#15 Nanahara Shuya

Which Battle Royale Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla




"Let him go, he always was a loner." - #19 Mimura



Which Battle Royale Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

merry christmas!!!


[1:11am] finally it's christmas!!! have been waiting for this day since the holidays started =P. anyways, it's quite sad that the public MM torrent site is on hiatus >____<...but ah well, i think i can live without BT downloading for a while. cuz after all, how bad could it be? i hope it's back up soon, but i doubt it -____-...just like sites before it that have closed down. most sites close down due to lack of money or else somehow, they lost all of the information on the server. quite sad, isn't it? that's why most sites, although great as they were, can't last very long if they're popular. ahh, quite sad >____<....but i'll miss that site if it's really gone for good.


anyways, seems that t&t's harucon dvd is coming out on feb2/05. hope they'll sell it here...>____<. this time, i'll get the DVD version instead of the VCD version. so yea, yesterday, on xmas eve, man that was fun. i think that was the first time i went out this holidays except for when my friend and i were outside in the cold walking around. anyways, yesterday....-____-;; it was so hard to wake up. it took me so much energy to be able to wake up at 11 cuz i slept at 5am the night before. my bro, mom, and i went to markville mall to go last minute xmas shopping. my gosh...the mall was so crowded. it was even hard to look for a place to park. inside, the food court looked like vaughan mills..EVERY TABLE was full...i couldn't believe it because usually markville is a really empty mall. i didn't know what to get my bro so i took him to smithbooks and asked him to pick a manga...guess it kind of ruined the surprised -___-;; but oh well. the mangas there sucked. the only other manga i have is [love hina vol1] and that was very perverted too. there's so much questionable material in those books omg >___<...i couldn't believe it. i mean, there are other mangas that really have a good plot and everything but for some reason, they don't get released in Canada. the bookstore had mahoromatic, tokyo babylon, xxxholic, ranma, gundam seed, etc. my gosh...all of them sucked...>____<...in my opinion at least. why can't there be any astroboy or dr slump mangas? i saw FLCL once but i didn't get a chance to buy it. in the end, i ended up buying [tsubasa] for him because a) it had no nudity/sex in it (i think) and b) the story isn't that bad. i didn't know what else to get and even the humour section of the store was empty. ALL of the simpsons books were gone...my gosh i couldn't believe it. there were garfield ones left but i didn't think he liked those.


then after, i had to go find a present for my mom. first i kept looking around in card stores and my bro was like "you're going to get mom a present from a card store??" so yea -_____-;; i decided to go to a store that i know my mom visits often (other than clothing stores) and this was Benix and Co. i was gonna get my mom a candle but that has no use whatsoever so i decided to get her a bread holder in the end. it looks nice...and my gosh it cost alot but my bro offered to pay for half of it. so then after that, we left. my mom was somewhat puzzled as to what i had gotten her but in the end, she liked it (i think). oh yes~~ i also saw my hing dai at markville mall. she was giftwrapping there that day and i saw her walking with her friends.


my bro and i went to starwalk buffet to eat lunch. er...i didn't realize that it was xmas eve so i was a little shocked that the prices went up. damn inflation >___<. it was SOOO good >___<...i don't think i've been there for like...a few months. i mostly just ate sushi though...and omg...the most disgusting one...was the tuna roll. oh my goodness~~..that stuff is so gross. >___<..ugh...that's even worse than the tofu sushi i ate earlier this year.


for the rest of the day, i don't think i really did anything. my bro got me a pekkle doll...one that looks almost exactly like the one i already had. it's kind of weird though...it's like duplicating your favourite teddy bear...it's just not right. but i still like it tho ^____^. but that wasn't what he really wanted to get me. he said that after new years, he's gonna get me a cell phone..but it has to be from bell. he said he told me because he wants me to choose the design. my gosh, bell phones are so goddamn ugly...*shivers*...but it's gonna be my first cell so *shrug*...oh well..i can always get another one later. i wanted to get one from bestbuy but then -____-;;...i don't think it's BELL. so yea >____<.


today, i didn't really do anything. i woke up at 2 -____-;; and ate breakfast at 3. then, my bro and i went to watch [darkness] at STC. i never knew that theatres were open on xmas day but i guess they were...since that there were so many movies that came out today. i originally wanted to watch [phantom of the opera] but my bro watched it already so yea >___<. i feel sorry for those who have to work on xmas day...but i guess money is money >___<. [darkness] sucked...IMHO. i just hated it...it was so boring...such horrible acting and such a bad script. but it might've gotten good ratings...i don't know. frankly, i would've much rather watched [fat albert] or [meet the fockers]. i heard the american version of [dark water] is coming out. MUST watch that lol =P i think...it's out either at the end of january or in february sometime.


hmmm what else....my gosh outside of STC it looked so nice when it was snowing. but it was FREEZINGG so i guess it wasn't that good >___<. yayyy im going shopping tml!!


MERRY CHRISTMAS ^________________________^;;

\listening to: best friend (SMAP)

3 days left ^_____^


[11:18pm] 3 days until christmas ^____^...shit, i still need to do some more christmas shopping. anyways, the holidays haven't been that bad for me. i'm still struggling to find the original version of "kimi dake ni"...the one that's sung by shonentai. my gosh is it hard to find that song >___<...most people only have the version that tokio covered...but yea. too bad i wasn't a teenager during the 80's cuz then i would be interested in shonentai and all the other senior groups. only recently have i heard of them though. why did hikaru genji break up? i think i heard from somewhere before that they broke up because of a fight or something...but that seems strange. they were a group for like...8 years. what happened to all of the members anyways? only sato and akasaka appear in the concerts...so what happened to the rest of them?? gee i wonder what mikio looks like now o___O. and shonentai too...whatever happened to them? i kick myself for deleting that episode of domoto kyoudai back in april when they were on the show. i haven't heard of them back then and i deleted it before i even watched it. uekusa was the cutest ^___^...but whatever happened to him? he hasn't been in the news lately except for that car accident he caused. he supposedly has a son now...*GASp* but i guess that's normal, since he's in his late 30's. there was a picture of him...he looks so old now omg >___<. well i guess people age, but then, look at higashiyama. he doesn't look too bad for his age. oh my gosh....that performance of andalucia (i think) with tsubasa at the 24jikan charity event. my goshh~~ he's such a great dancer!! too bad uekusa doesn't appear much in the media anymore T - T.


yesterday, i FINALLY finished watching the first 2 parts of the FNS2004 show. i couldn't get the others though -___- because when i downloaded it, i was short of space on my computer. that show aired so long ago but only recently did i finally get the time to watch it. anyways so yea...there was this one singer, hiromi go. during the johnny's concerts and even during 24jikan, they performed his songs. was he part of JJR?? hmmm i really have no idea -____-....but yea, during the FNS2004, they showed 3 of his songs. one from 1974, one from 1978, and the last from 1995. i could hardly recognise him in 1995. he should've been in his 40's but he didn't look that bad. but his voice definitely changed alot. arggg i was waiting for that shonentai clip but they never showed it. it's probably in the 3rd or 4th part but ARG...-____- there's hardly any seeds left so it's hard to download.


i spent alot of time today watching smapxsmap episodes that i downloaded a long time ago but forgot to watch. it was the episodes with the "5 night classics" songs. lol my gosh it's so hilarious haha. i loveeeeee the katsuken samba segments...so funny lol. and nakai...he's such a skilled actor...being able to play so many different types of characters. from the jerk to dame ningen lol. i don't think he sings as bad as people think he does. i'm pretty sure that it's from all that smoking that his voice is so raspy o___O.

\listening to: queen of r (tackey&tsubasa)


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++SMAP CM'S

my gosh...during FNS2004, 3/5 of the SMAP members had their commercials aired. my goshh =PP..there must've been a nakai commercial too but it's probably in the 3rd or 4th part.


\TAKUYA




\\SHINGO




\\TSUYOSHI




-----------------------------------------------------------

++HIROMI GO

awwwww what a cutie...


\\1974




\\1978

first day of christmas hols!!


[9:58pm] yayyy it's the first day of christmas hols!! and yes i haven't updated in a while either. not much has happened lately. my livejournal is even more neglected -____-. i had a pretty boring day. ugh i woke up at 2pm today omg >____<...after sleeping 13 hours too. i watched [harold and kumar goes to whitecastle]...again. it was either that or [shaun of the dead]...which i watched 5 times. i didn't do much...except talk to hing dai. err....that's pretty much it. oh yea!! my dinner was burger king -____- pretty unhealthy huh? i even supersized it. after whitecastle, i had a craving for burgers. my goshhh.


yesterday, i went to STC. EVERYTHING and i mean EVERYTHING is on sale. omfg but my mom told me not to buy it because on boxing day it will be cheaper. BULLSHIT. it won't be. it will be so fucking crowded on boxing day. err...maybe i'm just materialistic...but the feeling of not buying anything yesterday...it almost made me sick. i went to yum cha tho ^____^. that was fun...but that's not worth skipping school for. for some reason, i really wanted to sty at school the whole day...instead of leaving 15 minutes before 3rd period ended. i really wanted to go to law...i wanted to say goodbye to everyone. UGH so i was pissed that day. the only reason my mom and my bro made me skip was that my brother had booked an appointment for the optometrist at STC. so selfish omfg...so basically...he drove my mom and i there only because he had to do that. my mom and i went shopping while he went to get his eyes checked...but then we right after he was done. i thought it was dumb. why screw up my schedule to fit his? i wanted to go to school...and i'm not a nerd for wanting to do that. i had to see her today. oh, how dreadful that was. don't want to mention that...


hmm...not much has happened lately. tests, projects...assignments...all that shit. gr11 doesn't seem all that stressful as people say it is. it's not like i'm breezing through it...but i just don't see the big deal. i always thought that i would miss gr10 so much...but, i really don't. it's just another year...and lots of things have happened since gr11 started. all good things =P...nothing particularly devastating yet.

\listening to: queen of r (tackey&tsubasa)

...the truth...


[5:32pm] i've been thinking these past days and i think that there was something seriously wrong with me during the semester. how could i not see this? or i just did and overlooked it. i was depressed because of her for the whole semester. but why? it's so stupid. i never exactly looked at the problem before because i was afraid of facing it. i always talked about our friendship as only being about whatever happened after october 20. i never looked at the most obvious things and for that reason, i always thought that i was the one at fault. the thing is, i don't believe that she ever treated me as a bestfriend although she said she did. i don't believe that during the semester, she ever thought of me even once. my efforts were wasted, i know that. everything i did during the semester...i just wanted her to notice. if she was so clueless about how i felt, why didn't she ever come to my blog? why didn't she ever read the testimonials on my friendster? she was supposedly my bestfriend...so she should've knew. but she didn't. everyone else knew why i was depressed. people knew about my depression even before they knew who i was. so then why, didn't she know even though she was my supposed bestfriend? it baffles me. it's because she could care less about me although she used to say otherwise. words really mean nothing in this kind of situation, it's the actions that mean alot. for her, i cannot forgive her for how much she hurt me before...seriously, i can never get over it. i know i've hurt her before...like on oct20....and several other incidents...but those were times when i seriously just wanted her to NOTICE...that there was something wrong in her actions. i did those things because i wanted her to see that i was mad at her. i didn't remember this before, but there was actually a reason why i always got mad at her and never told her why. it was because i wanted her...to just once, consider my feelings. telling someone their faults is not any way to solve a problem...because they won't learn anything. if they realize it on their own then that is a real gift. though i did hurt her feelings before, nothing could ever measure up to the horrible things that she did to me. i don't like to think about last semester because just everything about her bothered me. her stupid nn's...her fdster (especially)...her icq details...etc. especially in february...everytime i saw one of those things it really hurt. gosh...i know she is the type to broadcast her life to the world but did she ever know at all that the things she does could hurt me? err..i don't think so...she is not that smart. that is why i enabled custom names on msn...because i hated more than anything else in the world to see her nn talking about how she loves that piece of shit so much. it IS jealousy. but why did it hurt me so much? cuz all of the fucking times she's deceived me with her lies. i always say that before the science center trip, everything was ok between us. well that is just a lie. if it weren't those days then i wouldn't have been so hurt in february. the truth is, that was not the first time i was depressed.


in grade 9 second semester i was also depressed. the reason? because suddenly, for no reason at all, she ignores me for half a year. we never even got into a fight. nothing. and then in september she expects me to pity her because she has no other friends? but i was nice back then, i actually did...and though i was hesitant about trusting her again, i soon gave in because i thought that it deserved just one last chance. turns out...things actually did go well..TOO well. we hung out at school, talked after school until night...and always talked on the phone. but then, i just figured that because she said that i was the most important person in her life, that it was really true. but it always bothered me that i was always second. second to nichole. but then when they got into that fight...i was actually happy...but really no. it just PROVES the fact that i was second to her. i always wonder...what if they never got into that fight? what if they stayed friends during gr10? then it's obvious how things would've turned out...she would've never hung out with me at all. err....but i WAS happy because now that nichole wasn't her bestfriend anymore...for once WE can be bestfriends.


the reason why i was just so devastated in february was because i realized that everything she ever said to me before was a lie. without me she would die?...i was the most important person in her life? bullshit. but then usually when people say serious things like that it is the truth...but in this case, it was all lies. i guess it was my fault for being so gullible in the first place...but then she shouldn't have said those things if she never meant them. but then i have never seen her act like that before. never. there are 3 possible explanations. 1. i am boring 2. it's revenge for whatever i did to her in the past 3. she is guy obsessed. i think that it's a combination of the second one and the third one. i wasn't that nice to her after the science center because she just continued to piss me off. maybe she just wanted someone who she didn't get into fights with so often. and the 3rd one...i know she is like that. i think i told a.chow this before in february. i can't believe that someone she's known for less than a month is somehow more important to her than her bestfriend. so all that shit i did was useless? so after all, she values that piece of shit just because it's a guy? i also realized this during the semester. for most of her life she's going to end up married to some guy anyways...so during her high school years...why can't a bestfriend be the most important person to her? if i really hated her alot, i would call her a hoe...because she fits the definition of one.


most people...if asked the question "what is more important to you, friendships or relationships?" most of them would say friendships...but in her case, it's not. it never was. realizing that, it bothered me....because someone who i considered as my bestfriend can't even put friendships over relationships. it's also very ironic of her to have put a nn such as "love might not last forever but our friendship will" before if she doesn't even believe that to be true.


i don't get why some people really don't understand why i hate that piece of shit so much. i mean...i should hate her more right? well i hate him simply because he exists...and i hate him because he replaced me. oh, how i want to kill that bastard. i remember...a few weeks ago, when a few people told me what had happened between them, it made me so happy. because well, i always wished for that to happen. actually, i don't really care what happens to her anymore anyways, but then if this had happened in 2nd semester...man, i would've been so happy. it's because...she gave up so much for that bastard...even me. oh! i just remembered something i said last semester. "she acted as if he was the only person in her world and she didn't need anyone else. she acted as if just because she has that piece of shit by her side, she can step on anyone else along the way". i got asked if i would ever consider being her friend. why should i...i don't pity her. i think it's quite funny how something like this could happen to her. retribution for all the things she has ever done. like hell she would ever think of me. i tried before...in may, i tried to put all of those things behind me because our friendship was more important. turns out, she really doesn't care. because she has that bastard. arg...how harsh reality is.


anyways, that is a summary of "jealousy and the bitches: pt 2!"

\listening to: let go (mflo ft. yoshika)

i'm beginning to doubt the privacy of my blog


[9:44pm] how long have i had this blog? a year and a half...i think...well roughly. before my deadjournal, this was a place where i could just write about anything that either happened to me or bothered me. obviously, because i publish it on the web, alot of people know about my blog. i know that...and i also told most of my friends about it too. it's because i'm comfortable with them reading whatever's on my page. but now, i'm beginning to doubt the privacy of my page. i don't know why people would be so interesting in my life. i don't know...is it because compared to their shitty life, mine sounds like a drama? i don't know =P....i don't understand the mentality of stalkers...no i don't. i don't know why they would waste so much time reading up on someone else's life and do nothing to improve their own. retards....i think that this world is just too corrupted for me. i don't understand why people would stalk me. aren't i just a normal person...just like everyone else? everyone goes through shit in their lives....i guess i just go through more. i mean....i'm 16 and i already have a stalker?! that is just not normal, no matter how i look at this situation. but then this isn't the first time i've had a stalker.


anyways, enough of that. t&t released their new single, [serenade] on...nov.3? i don't remember...but yea =P...that song has a nice pv. that NICE diamond, tsubasa's hat...and the sticks...omg LOL. "queen of r" and "starry sky" both sound good. "queen of r" sounds like a "yume monogatari" kind of song and "starry sky" is a ballad. nicee =P...but i'm surprised that there are no solos in this single =P...did t&t finally decide to sing all their songs together? hahaha i don't know...but definitely, they have improved alot since [one day one dream]. ganbatte t&t!!!!


i'm in november break right now =P...nothing much to do. at first, i was all political about the bush/kerry election. i watched the daily show for once hahaha =P i always i thought it was so boring but then when i finally got a chance to watch it, it didn't seem as bad as i thought so. it's actually pretty funny. i also watched part of [fahrenheight 9/11] but i didn't get to finish it. there are alot of shows on that were anti-bush...well not really, but they seemed like they supported kerry more. =P...bush won. but i think what kerry did was very courteous. he knew that terrorists were watching the election and that a recount would take like 10 months, as in the previous election in 2000. but then he knew that during the time, the country would be divided into the people who supported kerry and the people who supported bush. if the terrorists sense that weakness, they could attack. i think it's a very patriotic thing for kerry to do. america will still be divided though...because despite the results of the election...which was lik 252 and 254, people seem to support kerry more. so i don't know =P...i DID want kerry to win...but i guess i respect his decision.

\listening to: starry night (tackey&tsubasa)

haven't updated in so long omg >___<


[2:50am] my gosh i haven't updated in so long >___<. anyways, i am just testing out my new laptop. well it's not NEW...my brother kind of just gave it to me...but now i get to use one more laptop ^___^. so anyways today, it was raining so much >___<...the weather realy brought me down. my brother and i went to STC because we had to use up those coupons before nov.1. geez we just noticed the expiry date today >___<...so then there was this really good deal for KFC 3 piece chicken. basically it was just 2 for 1 deal. so then the food court was so crowded...probably because people wanted to get out of the cold. so we had to eat in the food court in the theatre. it was good...but then, omg there were these kids that were sitting beside us...well actually they're not really kids but to me they are. i could TELL that they're grade 10...and i was actually right because one of them started talking about how to sneak into an 18A movie. arg...dumbasses. so then i couldn't finish the KFC because i think if i did, my arteries would clog up by the time i'm 20 >___< omg. so then we were planning to watch [saw] but it wasn't playing at STC so we decided to go to 401 and morningside. this was the first time i ever went to that theatre. i heard that it was a cheap theatre though. so anyways, arg...my brother was in the washroom and then i was watching these people play DDR. gosh they suck. omfg >___<...they were playing under like BEGINNER and they sucked. oh gosh...they got like D...i mean how hard is it to hit one arrow? oh gosh...some people disappoint me. that guy...i don't know if he purposely did that or something...but he was like...dancing...and it wasn't good dancing either o GOSH. so anyways, i didn't get a chance to play DDR because we had to go watch the movie.


the movie was alot better than i thought it would be. all my brother told me was "it's about these 2 guys waking up in a room where they're chained to a pipe and there's someone dead lying right in the middle". that movie...was SO SCARY. i think it was the first psycho-horror film i've seen so i really don't know what those shows are supposed to be like, but it's definitely scarier than [the grudge] at least for me. my GOSH...that movie had a surprise ending. but it got too graphic in some parts...like the guy was sawing off his own foot...and then he started turning white later. and what else...the guy had to stick his hand into the toilet right...so then omg so gross...the other guy was like "anything?" and the guy was like "no solids". ewwww >___<...gross.


so then when i got home, i spent alot of time watching the simpsons halloween specials that they were airing. they got to about...the 13th one. i hope that the new halloween special is tomorrow but then i think there was a commercial that said it was nov.6...oh no!!! another week...so sad.


dammit...i don't know what to do for halloween yet..and it's in lik 12 hours. i don't want to stay home because the doorbells are just too irritating for me. my brother is working though. i want to go over to my friend's house to watch "the ring" but i don't know how i'll get back. geez...decisions decisions. or i could just go trick or treating with conrad and them...just like last year. maybe... \listening to: love you only (TOKIO)

at cousin's house


[3:41pm] oh well i really should be studying, seeing how my bio test is tomorrow and everything. but i always procrastinate...no matter how much i try not to. i always SAY that i'll do something but i never get around to doing it...probably because i'm lazy.


this week has been quite busy for me >___<...so many things happened in such a short period of time. oh well...i don't think that's any different than any other days. i got the responsibility certificate in law...and so did clara. i was shocked at how the teacher would award something like that to me...especially when the only reason i studied was that i got 69% on my previous quiz. but i really didn't want it though...it makes me look like a nerd.


yesterday, i got woken up countless times by my bro and my mom. apparently, they wanted me to go to fairview mall with them. because my brother works now...there's really no chance during the week. so then i wouldn't wake up...partly because i was really tired and i was making up for all the sleep i lost during the week. but then eventually i had to wake up. and then soon enough, we went to fairview mall. i never went to the mall that early before...when we got there it was like 10:45 or so. so then my brother and i went shopping (for once) and we kinda looked at things twice because i had to decide whether or not to buy it. so then after the first time around the mall, we went to eat. he wanted us to go eat mcdonald's breakfast. obviously breakfast was over but then my brother INSISTED that there were still food left that they made earlier. i wanted mcgriddle but they didn't have it >___< but they had sausage and egg. so then my brother got that too and we got a combo. psh...i wanted coffee but oh well...i've had too much coffee lately. so then later we just walked around again and THIS TIME, i bought headphones. i've been looking at these headphones for like a week now. originally i was going to just buy them at pmall but they were like $58 so i ended up buying them at sony store. it was like $40 there...and my bro paid $20 so then i really didn't have to pay that much more. ^___^ it's all good. we also went to roots. the whole store was like 25% off...which was a good deal for roots so i bought a scarf. lol....it's one of those long scarves though. so nice!! it took me a while to decide what color to get though and in the end, i ended up getting the grey one. oh yea...we went to the arcade. i really only played 2 games since i didn't have any of my cards...i played capcom vs snk 2 and soul calibur 2. in capcom vs snk 2, i got to the last stage and then someone challenged me. stupid fucker. he looked so cocky >___< stupid. so then we each had 3 characters each. i beat all his characters with my first character, which was ryu. then on the last round, it was like win or lose one shot left...and we both had the same amount of energy left. hahha and i won!! stupid bastard...he stormed out of the arcade right away. lolz...^____^.so then after that we went home. i wanted to get a frappucino but oh well >___<.


when i got home...i really didn't procrastinate...i actually read a book. i had to read up to like page 153 for "cry the beloved country". for the rest of the day i really didn't do anything. i DID do the last part of my bio brochure though.

wonderland


[7:17pm] saturday morning while i was drinking my coffee and eating scrambled eggs, my bro kept rushing me to go to STC with my mom. so then we went...and this was the earliest time i ever went there. at first, my bro wanted to go SHOPPING...yes shopping...i was quite shocked too. he said that it was because he has money now. so...we couldn't find anything so we decided to go to the arcade. but while we were getting there, we met up with my mom and so my bro and my mom went to buy something. so i went to AE first and then went to the arcade alone to play initial d 3. it was so hard but then in the end i beat the 3rd guy in the myogi area. so proud^^...even though i've done this tons of times i'm still happy everytime. but i have to work on going farther than that lol.


uhhh...that's all i did really. i was supposed to go somewhere with cory but she never called. ugh...i usually wouldn't get mad at her for something like this but this is just...inconsiderate. this is the THIRD time she's done this and i think she wouldn't understand unless i'm mad at her. and YES....i CAN stay mad at her...i think. psh...who cares.


anyways at night, i watched garfield the movie. i don't understand why so many people said it sucked. i liked it...in fact i thought it was so cute...awww >___<. garfield is so cute!!! odie's cute too!!


sunday, i had to go to sushi buffet. this is the second time i've been to that place...the first time was a month ago. wow it was SO good...haha i was barely even full. SALMONNNN i'm craving for SALMONNN anything haha.


for the rest of the day i just procrastinated. i didn't do anything fun because i kept preparing to do my work but i didn't start until like...9:00pm haha. today was just another boring day >___<. well not boring but just typical. hm...i realized something...i really didn't like japanese as much as i liked comm tech last year...of course. i still talk to lo2 and i still talk to cindy to this day. i realized that things DO happen for a reason. at first i was happy because YSO's locker was like right beside mine almost but then i was devastated when he changed lockers because that one was broken. but i realized something...if YSO never changed lockers...i wouldn't have the chance to talk to my friends at my locker like that because they sit against his locker. ^____^.

\listening to: hitomi wo tojite (hirai ken)

wonderland


[7:00pm] originally, i was supposed to go to university fair today since cindy called me last night and everything. i DID go to the bus stop though but then i just kind of assumed that the bus left already and also i was so pissed at my bro because he said he couldn't wait and that he had to go to work >___<. so...i told him to take me home. and then i was way too tired anyways so i took a nap. for some reason i think i got nightmares or something because i couldn't sleep that well. i woke up at 1pm and then when i went online, cory messaged me right away. she said she wanted to go to PT with me at 3. so i watched shows until then and then i finally went. while i was walking on the sidewalk, i felt a clank. usually i don't do this but i actually checked. it was my bracelet. omg i was so close to losing it >___<. so anyways we just hung out at PT for a while and then i went over to her house. i finally saw her basement for once. it was so nice >___<. it was bigger than the 1st level of my house. it had like SUNLIGHT too...and spotlights...and those speaker things on the ceiling. and she had a BAR too omg >___<. rich. so...hmm...i went home after that because her friends were coming for her project.


later...at like...9pm...i had to go watch a movie. my 2 brothers and i went to silvercity richmond hill to watch [the forgotten]. i originally wanted to watch [shaun of the dead] but then my brothers wanted to watch [the forgotten] more. the theatre was completely full and during the beginning, i paid more attention to eating my popcorn chicken than watching because that WAS my dinner. and i also had to be careful because i didn't want to spill the sauce. the movie itself was pretty good...AT FIRST. it had a really nice story and then right in the last 20 minutes that was shit because it was as if they cut the movie short by like...45 minutes because it really didn't end. aliens..PSH...great explanation geniuses >___<. so yea...i was pissed...i still AM pissed...

\listening to: meet me (hikaru genji)

wonderland


[6:28pm] well today is the long awaited 918...in other words...the day alex fong is coming to wonderland. this morning, i got woken up at 7 something by my bro but only at like 8 did i actually wake up. psh...what did he expect? i slept at 2. so anyways, i got ready very quickly but i had to wait like half an hour for my bro because he was on the phone. then we finally got out the door. the first thing we did was go to pmall because he wanted to pick up my cousin's gf and his friend. my cousin had work so he couldn't make it to wonderland. they wore winter jackets...i was surpised. in the car, amy (bro's friend) gave me a present for my birthday. it was a bracelet...at least that's what i think it is...i still don't quite know. it looks so tacky to me but then i'm sure it's supposed to look nice. so then yen (cousin's gf) told me to hold the tickets. in the car, amy and yen kept taking pictures for some reason...i don't know >___<. so then right before we got to wonderland, we stopped at mcdonald's. there was such a long lineup...but then finally it got to us. i ate a breakfast burrito, hash brown, and a LARGE coffee, my bro ate the same thing except he had coke instead, yen ate sausage mcmuffin and amy ate only a hashbrown i think. so crazy >___<. my large coffee was so...overwhelming LOL. i spent alot of time adding sugar because it was too bitter at first. so then we finally got to wonderland. the first thing that amy and yen did was take pictures...actually we spent alot of time doing that. the first ride we went on was thunder run. even though the lineup seemed so long...it didn't take that long for us to finally get on the ride. amy kept saying that she didn't want to go on and she'll just take pictures but eventually she did anyways. thunder run was FUN lol...like always. next we went to white water canyon...and we went on TWICE too because we said that we all should get splashed at least once. i was soaked...for like the rest of the day. after that we went to play games. it was skee-ball basically. amy and yen both won carebears and i won one too...funshine bear...which is the yellow one. so cute!! soon after, we went to start lining up for the concert. it took us a very long time to get in because even though the lineup wasn't that long, it took a long time for them to let everyone in. when we finally got in, that was when we got food. i got a hotdog...and it was very uncomfortable because there was a very limited space. when the show actually started though...which was at like 3...i had to go to the washroom. to get in and out omg...so crazy >___<. there were just that many people. the performances were ok i guess...some were good and some were just downright horrible. the first group were these 3 guys who sang oldies from the 60's...i only liked "california dreamin" haha. i don't remember that much of the rest...one sang a charlie's angels song...one sang that famous song from theresa teng...and there was one who sang aaron kwok's famous "generation x" song. basically they were just imitators. yan sang and so did sunshine boyz...holy shit so hot >___<. i thought yan was a girl though...so did my bro.


stupid hosts...everytime they said "alex fong" everyone cheered...but then it was only stalling for time. alex fong was the last to perform. first song he performed was "chiu kup oi lei" awww >____< and second was "dai fung". such a nice voice awww!!!! so hot too!! and yes i could see him pretty clearly. then i think he sang another song and the last song was "ho sum ho bo" and he asked a random girl from the audience to go up and sing with him. man that girl sucked...she didn't know the lyrics at all and she couldn't sing. but alex fong put his arms around her..AWWW >___<. alex fong said that he has relatives that live here and his little brother was born here. awww...i wanna meet them lol. he also said that he has more fans here than hk. psh...as IF...lol. it lasted until lik 6:30 and then we left right after. my bro tried to win in that bball game but he couldn't so we just left. the prizes were ugly anyways >___<. so...that ends another exhausting day...

\listening to: duan le de xuan (jay)

school is fun


[11:55pm] i seem to update less and less...i don't know why. it's not that i'm particularly busy but it's just that i'm extremely lazy these days. but then today was just one of those days i had to write about. today...something happened that came as a complete surprise to me...and probably to everyone else who found out. umum is in this school once again. since the end of last semester, i knew that he was going to UHS and that he was no longer going to be in this school. but then, i was surprised today when i saw him after 1st period. i thought he was just visiting the school..and cindy even told me so...but then she said later that he was coming to this school for good. whoa =O. i learned today that anything is possible in this world...and that is just crazy >___<. something occurred to me...is the 2nd stage really significant? i don't know...just see how this semester turns out. what would scare the shit out of me is if the HM is really in this school. i don't know...everytime i walk around school, i see people that look like the HM. but none of them really LOOK like him of course, except for byronic of course lol. byronic is quite a scary person....i'm convinced that him and the HM are brothers. i mean honestly...where ELSE would byronic learn that kind of STYLE. i mean...flipped up collar?...the hair?....the EXCO...?...the HEIGHT...that's just crazy. brand names are very important to me. i don't like people who wear exco because it's a cheap brand. i barely even look at how people dress...but as long as i know they're wearing brand name clothes then i respect them.


anyways enough about that lol. today olivia and i went to the park during lunch. brings back so many great memories. i know that technically, it IS a long time since feb., but for some odd reason, everything that's happened to me has become a big blur. while we were walking, i was thinking..."has it really been that long?" and..."what the shit have i been doing all this time?" i think the first time we went to the park was on...2nd day of the sem...was it? i don't remember at ALL...or was it like...mid feb.? anyways that's not important. i remember....the puddles...or the snow...oh SHIT i seriously don't remember >___<. ok...well anyways i remember WALKING there..and i remember that one time when there were all those puddles and we were trying to avoid all of them. then in the end, we still got mud on our shoes. i remember the time we went to binchy the slutclown's house and i threw that tinfoil on his driveway. i remember the walk there...olivia always gave me her patty because she couldn't eat it all. and i even remember the jaywalking. one sidewalk was ALL water and then the other side was completely CLEAN. then both of us would bitch about our problems to each other. i don't remember though...for the most part was it humorous or was it dead serious? i don't even remember what i talked about back then but i surely do remember what olivia talked about back then. she was still in her 2nd stage back then. even walking there reminded me of alot of things that i'd long forgotten. but today, the walk seemed extremely long today...was it always that long? i don't know >___<. then we got to the park and it looked completely different than i remembered it...probably because there isn't any snow, slush, etc. and the swing...i will always remember. and the pedophile playground haha. i remember how much fun it was just to sit on the swing and talk. even sitting on the swing had brought back so many memories. it doesn't seem like a long time though...i just have this feeling that even though so much shit has happened since then, we somehow end up back in the park again. we would always talk about such serious issues. that one day when i gave olivia advice, i still remember that. i never knew that i was capable of giving advice like that. so much has changed...we're no longer in grade 10 anymore...and the anticipation that we once had for japanese class was gone...because that was over too. i was always so eager to go back to school because i wanted to go to japanese class. one day i even brought my binder to the park to study and then olivia brought her journal. she said that some of her words were smudged by the snow. true, february was such a simple time...compared to now. but...would i ever want to go back to those days? i don't know...i remember the ah ko/a.chow thing that happened in the beginning of the semester really stressed me out and so i wasn't that happy back then. anyways, while we were in the park, we talked alot about last semester and about how we missed it so much. but what creeped me out was that melody. it was distant...as if it came from the forest behind the park. and the sound was so faint...but it was definitely humming. at first i thought that i have problems but then olivia heard it too. how i know it wasn't a radio or something was that there were definite pauses and it wasn't PERFECT. so scary though >___<...and even later, we saw a bunny and then we smelled something burning. so scary >___<...i am never going alone to that park. i even remember the strange phone melody. time passed by so quick though...and before we knew it, it was time to go back to the school.


i realized something while i was looking through my blog entries from february. i never really EXPLAINED anything...i never really talked about anything...i just whined about my feelings...which i think now is complete BS. was i really like that back then? was that ALL i thought about back in february? that's just...a little bit crazy. even now, i could never imagine myself to be like that. was my life really that boring back then? i realized something though. i realized that it's better just to not think about it. not everything has to be explained, not everything has to have a conclusion. i should've wrote about the truly memorable things that happened during the semester. but i don't know...maybe i just wasn't in the mood...geez...is that what depression was? i'm shocked that i could devote so much time to writing something like that. i know that each of my entries were really indepth and i took alot of time to write them...but when i go back and see them, i don't want to read them at all. i guess it's partly because i don't want to remember...but it's also because i can't concentrate...when i look at one of my entries...say even in february, i just can't stand reading it because even i don't understand the depth of my feelings back then.


it really doesn't feel like it's been that long since february...and i just realized today when olivia and i went to the park. although we've changed...although the school in general has changed...the park still remains the same. sitting on the swing...it really brought me back to february. it's almost as if nothing ever happened at all. i even looked at the fountain. i remember that there was always sand in there. i looked...and...even though i have bad memory...i could tell that not a grain of sand has moved since february. even though so much time has passed...it somehow feels like the beginning...

\listening to: $10 (smap)

school is fun


[11:03pm] despite my thoughts and opinions before, i think that this school year has started pretty well. i wouldn't change anything at all ^___^. anyways this morning, i was in the english hall waiting for my teacher to come open the door. i was just talking to some people and then i started talking to nicole. i only met her this year though because we were in a group together for english. actually i felt awkward because i answered in english even though she talked in chinese. well it was because usually i'm not used to talking chinese to someone i just met...it's usually with my close friends. so then we were talking and she asks me what classes i have and i tell her. then she says "calculus?" and i'm like "no....math" and she's like "gr12?" and i'm like "nooo gr11" and it's funny because she gave me this look. i think she thought that i failed a grade or something and that i HAD to take gr11 math..psh NOOO >___<. hahaha so then she told me HER courses. basically they were those management courses...i have no idea what they were...i don't even remember. her textbooks all had these long and complicated titles. so then, i asked her if she just came to this school this year and she said that she came last sem. i told her that i never see her around the school and she says "but i think i recognise you though"...*GASP*. gee i really wonder how many people in this school know me but i don't know them. i think it's either i'm really blind or people just have really good memory because i barely remember people. i can't even keep track of people in my grade >___<. but i seriously never saw her last semester and i THOUGHT i basically memorized everyone that i passed by everyday. because everyday i did the exact same thing...walked through the same hallways, saw the same people...at least ONCE i should've seen her but i didn't. weird. anyways YSO passed by a couple of times when i was talking to her. i waved once and then he just STOOD there but i didn't want to just LEAVE to go talk to him. haha so mean >___<...oh well. yesterday, when we left english class, i was talking to him. he was complaining about how tired he was. i told him to just switch to gr12 english and then he said that he can't because since he's already taking gr11 math and everything >___<...haha.


after school was weird. my friend was walking behind me and then for no reason at all, she said "amanda, lei ho SOK ar"...and she's basically saying that i'm hot. psh...>____<. but that made cindy start pulling my shirt. then cindy said "AMANDA??...yea she's sexy" hahaha. gee i wonder what kind of school i live in >___< lmao. and people say I'M weird >___<. oh yes...i showed olivia BYRONIC...at first she REALLY didn't think he looked like the HM...but when she saw his face...she was very shocked. he is a SPLITTING image of the HM...seriously..it's as if the HM has a brother...but i always kind of expected him to have a sister. but then, it's POSSIBLE...because 1. they have the same last name 2. HM is 1984 BYRONIC is 1987. but then it doesn't make much sense because i've known BYRONIC since grade 6 even though we dun talk now, i know he lives near me. which brings me to a shocking conclusion. what if the HM IS his brother? like...what if all this time, the HM lived near me so it would make sense for him to be a stalker. oh shit i'm scaring myself now. i'll continue this in my deadjournal.


oh yes. olivia officially declares this day "national FUCK YOU day" lolz. it surprises me how her moods inspire her like that. so...have a happy FUCK YOU day...and...fuck you ^____^.

\listening to: go on (imai tsubasa)

TACKEY&TSUBASA 2ND ANNIVERSARY!!


[10:11PM] well, it's been 2 years since tackey&tsubasa officially debuted. sure, august 1 was the day when their cd debut was announced, but september 11 was the day when HATACHI first came out. lolz...i still remember that album. it was the first time i had seen 3 pvs released at the same time and they are all sequential. wow >___<...but i don't think that [get down] did as well on the charts as [kiseki] and [true heart] did but oh well. i still think that it was a very special album^^. actually i didn't find out about t&t right when they came out. i was a tackey fan at that time but then i never knew much about him. then the first pv i saw was [kiseki] and i thought that tackey was solo but when i heard [true heart] i finally realized that him and tsubasa were a duo. the truth is, it took a while for me to get used to tsubasa's voice...i didn't quite like it at first but then after like a month or so, i got really obsessed with t&t^^...which i guess is a good thing lol.


in their first year, they only released 2 singles. one was [to be to be ten made to be] on feb.26/03 and it included the songs [sotsugyou], [to be or not to be], and [brand new song medley]...which was when i first got obsessed with [kaze]. i remember that single still!! on the cover it looked like t&t were about to kiss. unfortunately i never got a chance to buy it. but i DID buy the [yume monogatari] which came out in november.


in their second year, they released the [one day one dream] single in feb/04 and then the [2wenty 2wo] album on april 26 or 28 i forgot >___<. that album was SO GREAT!!...it had the full versions of [kaze], [go on], and ikiteru akashi]...!!..and it also had that song [you and i]...such a touching song lol. so from [hatachi] until [2wenty 2wo], it's been 2 years so far!!...t&t are growing up..aww!!!...is there going to be a twenty FOUR album? nahh i doubt it. they have only released one concert vcd/dvd which was for HATACHI but i think soon the harucon dvd will be released^^. i wonder what they will release next^^. tackey&tsubasa, ganbatte!! i still listen to [true heart] to this day!!




\listening to: true heart (tackey&tsubasa)

first few days of school


[2:04am] the first few days of school have gone very well actually^^...although i've had that breathing problem for a few days now. but it's ok...i know that it'll go away. today, was a pretty normal day. this morning, olivia gave me a cow keychain. it's so cute^^...awwww...looks like my mini cow. i decided to name it...MOOMOO haha. english...so funny...after class, i asked yoon if he was going to the macbeth thing and he asked how much it was and i was lik "$33" and he said "oh my GAAT" loll...it sounds funnier when he said it. ^___^ hahah...math...boring as usual...but then there was this one girl mentioned on the announcements...her name was ANITA HO...man that is a nice name HAHAHA...ANITA HO everyone!! i had math hw though...:/. during class, i showed lo2 my cow and then he was lik "dun call me perverted" and then he flicked the cow (down there) and said "dinky dinky" omg -_____-;; then he was lik "cows are girls right?" and i was lik "YES" and then he just turns around again. haha later...i make him shake hands with the cow and he's like "ho mo liu ar" HAHAHA. bio...even though it's not that bad...i was extremely exhausted after 2 periods like that. i had to pay $15 to get my course pack today...damn i think i need another binder. haha and also...the textbook...*GASP*. freaking heavy...oh wellz i'll think of something. then came lunch...so happy^^...i was just sitting in the caf listening to olivia's daily bitchings. ummm what else.....saw yoon's classroom...it's gr11....348 HAHAHA...the class i was supposed to be in. david's in that class too...and the person who olivia thought was the HM...was emily mak...it was twice too!! geezz LOL. end of the day was law. i had homework too..geez >___<.


when i went home i went to sleeep and then when i woke up...i kept getting rushed to pack or something so that's what i did. but i had to do homework first. math homework...so hard...and so was law homework lol. and i was talking to olivia on the phone so it was multi tasking lol. but i've finally finished packing. well i'm going to montreal tomorrow for the weekend. gosh...6 hour drive...that's crazy.

\listening to: julia (tokio)

summer is almost over


[1:42am] well summer is almost over >___<. actually...unlike other people, i'm not that pissed off that school is starting. i don't mind...my summer was fun^^. this morning, i was so tired...i woke up at 2:30 because we had to go take family pictures. how unusual...the first thing i did when i woke up was prepare for picture taking...and i didn't even have time to eat. so then we had to get there at 2:50..so obviously we were late because we all had to get ready and besides, my parents had gone out. so then...it was raining..so it was stupid that my brother had to carry an umbrella around for us when we walked outside. so then...we went to m mall to take pictures at SEARS...how...wonderful lol. inside the mall it was humilating...because my brothers and my dad wore suits -____- lol. we looked like tourists. so then when we finally took the picture...that stupid bitch doesn't know how to take pictures...pissed me off so much. she was so...SLOWWW. so then we finally went home and we all had bacon and eggs..kind of strange to have breakfast at 4pm haha. so then i watched the rest of the extras on the [spirited away] dvd. i never watched a dvd before..at least not a real one. last night i watched that movie but it REALLY pissed me off. everyone was so white...*SHIVERS* haha. well not that there's any problem with that...but how everything was dubbed pissed me off. i hate it when someone's talking in another language and then they have a voiceover in english for them. gosh...have americans ever heard of SUBTITLES? haha...i'd rather watched things subbed than dubbed. but the movie was fine...i watched it twice before...but for some reason it was like they changed the movie or something...i missed ALOT of things. i always thought that my favorite scene was the one with the big baby...but i never noticed that after the baby got turned into a mouse, it followed sen around. SO CUTE omg...it was such a chubby mouse too...it would point...and then the fly would fly him everywhere...awww...lazyy hahah. but it was a good movie. anyways...barely after i finished, my parents wanted to take me out. so first we went to PT. my dad and i planned to get dvd's bu then there was nothing to watch...i was going to get "go" but then i decided to get it another time. and i wanted to get the other kobozuka yousuke movies but then i didn't at the end. there was really nothing...except mcdull...and then those anime movies i haven't watched before. oh well i'll get it next time lol. so then after...i thought we were going home but nooo >___<. we went to this store called [sunlight photo] and my dad's friends owned the place so we went there to visit. we were there for like 45 min or so and i just sat there...and...smiled HAHAHA...while my parents talked to them. but i guess it wasn't all boring...UNCLE was funny...and they made me drink tea but i burned my finger as a result. if it was at home i would've dropped the cup but then...*shrugs*...we're guests haha. i realized something. although cory and i always make fun of "country people" speaking cantonese...i think my uncle is one of those "country people" cuz...while he was talking...he'd use mandarin among other languages. *GASP* so scary...so then after that i was really sleepy...after my parents got food...we went home and then i went to take a nap right away. the sunset is at 8 now T - T...arg...i hate fall. i dun mind returning to school but i hate autumn. it's one step closer to winter...gosh >___<. so i haven't been doing much since then...i watched [waterboys 2] episode 6..it's funny...as always lol. oh yea...the [spirited away] dvd includes a nippon television special on the making of the movie. that...was the best part of the dvd...better than the "american" commentaries. i realized that studio ghibli is not exactly a high class company...in fact...it looks like a pretty small office to me. it was touching how everyone who worked there seemed like a family. i was surprised that miyazaki had so much time to socialize with his employees. i kind of expected him to be this rich old man...but he isn't. he actually works hard. they said that since they were really in a rush to finish the movie, miyazaki had to stay until like..2 every night and then return the next morning at 11. now THAT is hardworking. and then they showed how they only had 40 employees...that's amazing. and then everyday, they would take turns cooking for each other. i expected them to be like eating out everyday but they don't. i expected miyazaki to at least wear a suit but then he doesn't. he looks like a normal person. and then they showed how all the employees had lack of sleep because they had to finish the movie. and then the voice actors...are really just normal people. it wasn't an expensive recording studio or anything, in fact they didn't even have a soundproof glass separating the voice actor from the workers so then most of the takes were messed up because miyazaki started laughing. then, they even did careful preparations to make sure that the sounds were accurate. that one guy explained how he had to do the footsteps so he needed a room with different surfaces so he could create those different kinds of sounds. then...even the running water required a visit to the hot springs. they even recorded the sounds of tea preparations...wow >___<. i watched some of the behind the scenes of how the american people were translating the whole movie into english. *SHIVERS*...i didn't like it at all. i mean...if it were an american animation...i know that they wouldn't take that much careful preparation for it. i think that the voice actors, just for doing the english voices...were paid more than miyazaki's employees. i'm sure that in an american cartoon...they wouldn't spend time recording sounds...even for a disney film...i'm sure that they would have some kind of expensive and advanced mixing board. and i'm sure that there wouldn't be lik 20 people there when they are recording the voices...at the most probably 3 or 4. even though i think it would be much more work, miyazaki's methods are much better. even the voice for haku was not from a kid...it was from an adult...but for the japanese version...they had found a boy that was around haku's age. the japanese kid that did the voice for the fat baby was SOOO cute. he was 7 but then he listened to miyazaki's commands...so cute omg >___<.


hmm...i think cory's mad at me...oh shit >___<...for once in my life...i'm actually really scared about this. i mean...we haven't talked for only a few days...but then for some reason i can definitely tell that something is wrong. i mean...would she cancel without telling me like that? there WAS never an email. and usually...when she cancels...she always finds some way to contact me to reschedule...but she didn't this time. hmm...i really don't know. but i seriously do not want to get into a fight with her...that's what i'm scared of the most. i think it means something that we never got into a fight before..but then...if we do...then everything would just be ruined. i admit that i never really realized how important she was to me before...because i was always too busy hanging out with my other friends...but then i know now. i know that our friendship cannot be destroyed with one mere incident...but what if it could be? i think i would be seriously depressed if i lost her as a friend. but i really need to talk to her about this...before school starts. i'll call her tomorrow...if she's home. but for some reason i don't want to mention the problem to her...i could pretend as if nothing happened. i think it would be better that way. but i can't help wonder what is the reason behind everything. i have a feeling that when i left the phone beside my pillow...she called and i said some bs. or...is it because i treat my other friends very poorly? it's not my fault...at least being direct is better than being fake. but then i must admit i sort of take friendship as a joke...and i don't really care how many people i hurt. but...this is what i was scared of. i was scared that she would get involved in one of my friend problems. i was scared that she would think i'm a bad person for what i did. but i don't know >___<. cory is essentially the middle person for one of my friend problems..and the truth is...i really do not want her to get involved. if it was a friendship that i wanted to save then sure...of course i'd want her to help...but it's not...and the more she got involved the more guilty i felt for making her involved in the first place. this is complicated >___<...i hope that...it's not really a fight. i hope i can talk to her tomorrow.

\listening to: $10 (smap)

WITHOUT A PADDLE


[12:13am] arg...i feel like i'm getting lazier by the day. i woke up at like....4pm. well i woke up at like 12pm >___< just to write something but then i fell back asleep again. arg...my bro kept waking me up because he wanted to go somewhere >___< but then i fell back asleep again until 4. geez so latee >___< but then my dad woke me up to give me allowance^^ so it's all good lol. decaf coffee is GOOODD^^ haha but i treat it just like normal black coffee though. later...as i was watching tv...my bro kept bugging me to go somewhere with him so then finally i just went. we went to pmall. my bro went to the arcade and then he left his cell with me because i wanted to go shopping. omg...i never knew that there were actually MORE people near closing time >___<. it was very very hard to walk around...so many people omg >___<. especially in the stores that have sales...cheap bastards!! that one store is really really cheap though...because everything is on sale and there was no tax...but then when i went in, i was like suffocating >___< arg. i still want to go there and buy more stuff...even though i don't need it...just because it's on sale lol. i was looking at the posters...and there were no singers that i like...it was like edison, twins, cookies...nicholas...*GASP*...so ew >___< but i might just buy one later just for the sake of it hahaha. i'd rather get a w-inds scroll but then the thing is, i don't have anything to hang the scroll on. it's usually $12 but it's on sale for $5.


i went to the arcade...so many hot guys lol. i played capcom vs snk 2 but it was set on the highest difficulty so i didn't get that far >___<. but then when i played soul calibur 2 it was also very very hard. someone challenged me when i was fighting the first opponent. usually i lose but then this time i didn't. i won^^...except the 2nd round i got pushed off the ring >___<. i didn't even get to finish the game because i had to go. we had to get food. my bro made me pay for KFC...-____- ARGGG. and then when we finally got there, we were late because the movie already started. so nervous during the movie though...i was scared that attendants would kick us out for eating so much food. and then finally when i was sure that they were gone...i accidentally spilled bbq sauce on my pants >___<. so after i cleaned that, i finally concentrated on the movie. we were watching [without a paddle] and it was pretty good...my bro said it was predictable but i thought it was good. can't wait for [the grudge] to come out though...i wonder if americans can successfuly adapt [ju-on] without making it too "american". i thought [the ring] american version really sucked. the japanese version is much better. anywayss...i didn't do much after i came home. i need to watch [spirited away] though. wasted to much time installing microsoft office 2003. but it looks much nicer i think^^

\listening to: julia (tokio)

SHOUNENTAI


[6:54pm] looking back on shounentai back in 1987 when they sang "kimi dake ni", i realized that it's really been 17 years...wow >___<. they've aged alot. but i really want to see what the whole group looks like, not just noriyuki higashiyama. but he's the youngest of the group though...i wonder what the rest of the group looks like >___<. i doubt that the group still does photoshoots...because of their age...but then most of them don't even appear on tv that often. i've seen noriyuki higashiyama in those annual johnny's concerts but that's about it. he performs a few songs...haha but then i only watched [kimi dake ni]. i wonder why the other members don't appear...is it because they've really aged that much now? actually..they're only like 38-39 right now...they shouldn't look that bad. i downloaded a performance of [skier] that looked like it was from 1997-1999. omg...shounentai have aged alot >___<...but then they still dance ok. are they only famous for their [kimi dake ni] song...and was it even released as a single? or is it just one of those songs that are performed by johnny's but never get released? arg...i've been trying to find info on them but it's hard...most of the sites are dead links >___<. but then...what DO the members of shounentai do these days? i wonder if they just return to their normal lives because they really do not get into the media that often. i wanna find the mp3 for [kimi dake ni]...but can't find it anywhere >___<...i've tried winmx...but that has nothing..and i've tried looking online but i still can't find it. argg...i wish there was a search engine for classic jpop songs >____<. OK! i'll make it my goal for today...look for shounentai stuff online >___< ahha.


oh yea....i found a poster for the kanjani 8 [summer storm] concert but i forgot to upload it all this time [link] and a character chart for [minami kun no koibito]

\listening to: kimi dake ni (shounentai) [lyrics]

should really update more


[10:32pm] arg...i should seriously update more. i'm not busy but i'm just too lazy to update. um...let's see..sunday...i dun think i did anything. i just kind of stayed home all day. then monday i stayed home all day too i think. but then that day, my brother bought me bubble tea. i really couldn't tell what flavor it was. he said it was coffee flavor but then it tasted like coconut. so gross >____<. i don't like bubble tea now lol. then tuesday, that day i went to fairview mall. i basically just go to the arcade to pass capcom vs snk for like the 100th time haha. then when i get 1st on the ranking, i just put my name as COW. haha so then my brother wanted to play a round and some guy ended up challenging him. it was so funny...he looked so nervous and he was so loud on the controls >___< arggg lol. i think the 3rd time my brother actually beat him haha. so then i played guilty gear. that game is so friggin confusing i seriously don't get it. i mean i get one character and i have to go against 1 or 2? that doesn't make sense. but it's fun lol...i guess. i dun even know what button does what...because there's only 4. it was so hot that day >___< and i was going to buy coffee but i ended up buying frapuccino again. i bought caffe latte flavored this time. it was SOOO sweet lol...sweeter than caramel. but i think in the car i got high >____< lol. and then we had to go to markville mall and while i was walking outside, i bumped into things. i don't know if it's the caffeine or the sugar...LOL. but then there's supposedly light frapuccino which is low fat frapuccino...psh...i dun like low fat stuff lol. if i (have enough money) to drink it everyday then MAYBE i would drink it but i don't lol. so then when i got home, i called cory and she said she would call me later to come out. i was like waiting for her phonecall and then finally she called at 6:40. she messaged me on msn too but then i was on a different computer so i only saw the message later on. so then we went to PT...but since it was almost closing, we went to hy and zel's and bought hair dye together. lolz...then...we went to shopper's because cory wanted hickory sticks. it gets dark at 8 now...holy shit...i'm so pissed. i hate the feeling that summer's ending...because i just haven't been outside that much and i know i should lol. so we only hung out for like an hour or so. when i came home, i wanted to watch [waterboys 2] but it took lik half an hour to get the video working because my laptop kept lagging >___< even though i had nothing on. i seriously need to get a new laptop lol.


argg...yesterday cory and i planned to go somewhere and she said she'd call me. i don't know if she did it or not though. because i was too sleepy to wake up so i left the phone beside my pillow while i half slept. i'm scared that she called and then i picked up the phone and said all this gibberish or something. i'm capable of that >___<. i couldn't really sleep last night because i know that if i didn't answer her call she would be pissed at me. so then i half slept the whole night and i was so tired. i called her but then her mom said she was out or something and that cory was supposed to send me an email or something. she didn't argg >____<...damn she must have a good reason. i don't know lol. i definitely can't go anywhere with her tomorrow though >____<. i want to go somewhere with her before summer ends but then i'm scared i might not have time. obviously i can't go next weekend >___<.

\listening to: julia (tokio)

arg...so tired again


[1:25am] summer's almost ending...i better make the best out of it while i still can. i don't think i've wasted my summer at all...mainly because i'm not depressed. i don't care if i stop being friends with some people...it doesn't matter to me. who cares about them anyways. ok fine that's selfish...but i don't care. i've been worrying about these stupid friend problems for too long already and then stressing over them doesn't do me any good anyways. i don't like people who waste my time...and i don't like being friends with people i don't want to be friends with. i don't want to be nice anymore...too tired of BSing. i'll be nice to the people i want to be nice to. lolz...that should be good enough lol.


anyways, today i was so bored. i don't really remember what i did...i was just on the computer for a while and then i went to play DDR. but when i woke up, no one was home...>____<...they all came home like 10 min after i woke up. so then at 4:00pm, my parents took me out. i think i've been indoors for too long. i wanted to get the mail but then i couldn't think of a good enough reason to go outside like that. maybe tomorrow lol. so then my parents took me to pmall. originally, we were just supposed to walk around for a bit, but then the first clothes store i went into i bought 2 tank tops lol. they were so inexpensive. my mom wanted to buy something but then the price was different than the sign said...stupid ripoff...hmmm...i should really go shopping with my mom sometime. so then i went to ONE'S and there was nothing. i didn't like the bags there and while i was looking at pens, there was someone that kept looking at me. so i went to SMART MAPLE to buy something. i think that's better lol. i just bought 2 pens...but they're so cute ^____^. hmmm what else...then we went to no frills. lolz...i always go crazy in grocery stores because there's so much food. haha i bought these chocolate bars i never tried before...wonder if they're good lol. no frills has those gummy food stuff now...the gummy cows, hamburgers, hot dogs...lunch...those...they have it now. lol but they were like stale so i didn't buy them. i would rather buy them at t&t. so then after we went to the bakery, it was like 6:30 so we had to go home. we were planning to eat dinner soon that's why. but then we had to wait for so long because everyone was too busy getting ready. my brother told me that someone called me and then i realized it was cory. damn...i was busy so i couldn't go outside to talk to her >___< ARGGG...it always seems like the only time she has time is when i'm busy and vice versa lol. so then we finally got there at 7:30 and while we were waiting for the seat, my mom, my bro and i went to pmall to walk. but everything's closed anyways, and the first store i walked into, we had to go because my other bro called.


the restaurant...it was strange...lik even my oldest bro said...he said that the food was not all cantonese. then i didn't quite understand what he meant. the WHOLE restaurant...waiters/waitresses, even the GUESTS...spoke like mandarin. i was so friggin scared the whole time. i felt so....hk LOL. most of the waiters didn't even speak cantonese or they speak it very poorly. but i don't understand...if they would have a restaurant right near pmall like that, shouldn't they be able to speak cantonese? i mean...if it was in scarborough or something i would understand. that reminds me...i am NEVER EVER going to china LMAO!! so then i came home and watched the anime i downloaded. [aishiteruze baby] is so good!! hahaha...episode 17 now...i think it lasts until episode 24 or 26 i forgot.


i drank this coffee can last week and since the can was so nice, i left it there because i wanted to take a picture of it with my webcam. but then i realized 2 things. 1...i forgot to get batteries...and 2....i forgot to wash the can. so...last night i looked into it and i almost screamed. i was lik "WHAT THE SHIT IS THAT BLACK STUFF??"...there was this black shit that lined the bottom of the can...so sick!!!...then later i asked my bro and he said it was either coffee beans or bugs...oh shit >____<. he said that it smelled...like something was growing in it. ARGG i was eating during that time too!! >___<. so then later he was like "i'll tell you the truth, it's just fungus" LMAOO...but still very gross.

\listening to: true heart international version (tackey&tsubasa)


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++TOMOYA NAGASE

i saw this commercial during CDTV. i think it's selling uhhh...fujifilm lol





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++CDTV 20040814





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++MS 20040813

i saw this episode just a while ago. there was a part that was so funny...the camera zoomed in on matsujun and he was pretending to pick his nose lol. omgg..the song [akaku moyuru taiyou] is #1 on the singles chart...i never exp