Wednesday, April 28, 2004 09:09 p.m.
For some unknown reason,i don't feel very good today.There's just a feeling of something being stucked somewhere in my mind and it refuses to go away.Felt rather cooped up as well.Anyway,i tried to slow myself down a little to find out what exactly is going wrong.I thought it might be the Chemistry class test that Ive taken today...felt damn disappointed after that...despite being confident of getting at least 70 percent of the question right...maybe it was because i didn't know how to tackle this comparatively harder question at the end while some others knew how to.I told myself before all these series of tests started that i must,by all means(besides cheating) ,perform better than the rest of my classmates.I've been achieving some of my personal goals so far,and this small incident is pretty discouraging.Perhaps im just being too hard on myself...but i don't know,i never want to fail again.Neither do i want to let myself down another time.
I got some form of help from Ms Ng during Math today and it feels so great to clarify your doubts during tutorials.I was asked to present question 7 on the board yesterday and i think she knew i had went home to attempt that question...but due to the time constraints she gave the class a brief explanation of the question instead.And when i saw her in the canteen today,she approached me and apologised,because i wasn't given a chance to present my answers.I was really really touched:)
Well,on an even lighter note,im shopping for more sanrio goodies this coming Sunday with kor and jie (two act-cute-and-over-the-middle-age siblings..haha) at Takashimaya.Yes,I want vouchers!More and more vouchers you hear me!Haha.Okay,thats enough,similar to the above mentioned,im not acting my age..ahem.Wore Estee Lauder's Beyond Paradise today,smells really sweet and at the same time refreshing.Im in <3 will this scent already:)
If there were no words,no way to speak,i will still hear you.If there were no tears,no way to feel inside i'd still feel for you...
Tuesday, April 27, 2004 05:59 p.m.
Just reached home from the dance studio.Yeap,my ballet exam went perfectly fine,despite some glitches at the beginning where we were asked to restart after the music started.cos we had,for the first time,forgotten the preparatory position.I heard from some other girls that this examiner looks really stern and unpleasant,and when i went in i was like..'wow,really sour indeed.zZz.'Nevertheless,i did manage to shift her focus from my legs (technique) to my facial expression by smiling as much as i can at certain points,because i just don't believe I cant make her smile.Hahaaaa.
Im feeling very happy these days..it could be due to my brother's return,my love for dance,being able to forget him...or even my pretty encouraging grades:)I just feel great in my present class,and I could sense the trust that my teachers have in me.At this point in my life,i can truly say that i have no regrets taking this path at all.
You know what,Y?I think im almost over you.
Saturday, April 24, 2004 01:01 p.m.
Hurray!The weekend's here!Hey,but guess what.I've just wasted the entire Saturday morning on bed.ZzzZ,darn.
Something totally gross happened yesterday.After PE i was having my break in the canteen and as a result of the lack of benches in the canteen i ended up standing up while the SC nominees were going on and on about the so called 'AJ Spirit'.Remember the J1 guy whom i said resembled him but he's darker,more handsome,muscular,and more gentlemanly(ok,they dont sound so alike afterall)?I saw him walking towards my direction and he wanted to walk to the other side to the stairs.He said excuse me in a really nice manner,so i was..erm,well,you could said i was...impressed,and i moved to allow him space to cross.So great,it happened tt the space between me and the bench behind me were so small that we brushed our asses against each other.A long and 'hard' brush that lasted for about 2 secs i think!GROSS!This type of physical contact is yucky,totally.
Going to the airport to fetch my bro later in the evening.He had earlier called to ask what perfume i want because he has this 200+ voucher with him.Haha!So i exploited him again,in collaboration with my i-will-never-admit-tt-im-more-than-30 sister!Wonder what's my present from him this time...haha...im so spoilt.But it feels great.muahaaaaaaa..
Friday, April 23, 2004 10:42 p.m.
Playing:Butterfly Lovers-Violin Concerto Act 1Ouch,this is one heart-wrenching song.Oh god,how i wish i could play the violin.Well its okay,God could make up for it if he could send someone to me who's willing to play it to me whenever i want him to.Haha,yes,make me marry a musician one day,please?:P
The opening section reminds me of him in a way,because all you could hear is the sound of the flute,and it sounds pretty light and uplifting.It could also be partly because it was him who formally introduced me to the world of Chinese Orchestra music,and this song just brought back a whole load of memories.It's wierd in a way too,because recently i've just noted that the details of our past are slowly fading away in my mind as sometimes i even have difficulties remembering what actually took place.Surprisng how music could change the way you feel:)
I really love this concerto piece,and hopefully Juan could make it to the concert with me in August:)Or maybe just with that someone else?:P
Thursday, April 22, 2004 08:25 p.m.
Ive been transferred to J's math group today,with the purpose of helping her out since im the closest to her in class.Yet deep within i thought that move was rightly executed,because i would really wish not to have too much contact with her-the girl that he expressed interest in.I find it weird because on the several occassions where our glances met each other,it signalled something more than 'hey,im looking at you too',as i felt that rather, it was telling me something like 'hey you,you like my guy,don't you?Don't cling onto him anymore,he's mine.'Haha,okay,that sounds pretty extreme,but the message that was being conveyed meant something like that.
Ballet's cancelled tomorrow.More time for homework,that means.Haha.Well,sat at the grandstand during the heats for track and field meet this afternoon,seeing runners whooshing past me every now and then.I liken dancers to atheletes like them,who,like almost everyday in their lives,embark on a mission to be their best.But what sets them apart,in my opinion,is the dancer's better ability to feel and express while reacting to the different music quality.
I've fallen even deeper for dance.Falling in <3 with ballet is magical,really:)Don't ask me why,it seems so predestined,as if i was meant to be a dancer first and then a human being.Haha:)
All right,nuff said about dance.I gotta get back to my work.
I've already learnt to forgive myself completely:)
Thursday, April 22, 2004 12:50 a.m.
I should be sleeping now,but im feeling so awake like never before.I've been turning in later and later these days,what's going on?Hmm.
I spent my time after school today in peaceful solitude at the Esplanade library.The environment brought perfect tranquility to my mind and it feels really really good:)Sat in the cafe situated right inside the library,'feasting' on a pathetically small piece of costly brownie (that's to grant myself an official permission to sit in the cafe to read for a longer period of time,i assume),whilst indulging myself in a good read.Was browsing through a book titled-101 Stories of the Great Ballets and i happen to come across the storyline of La Bayadere,the story of an Indian temple dancer,Nikiya,and the war hero,Solor.This is a fantastic ballet in which everyone in the ballet dies except the principal character Solor,and what makes this ballet so special is the scene 'Kingdom Of The Shades' in Act IV,where the focus is on the dancing,not the story.Ballerinas at that point in the ballet descend upon the stage down a long ramp at the back parallel to the audience,all in profile in arabesque penche-a very demanding pose that requires lotsa technique and strength.
I stayed in the library for almost 4 hours,spending my time wisely reading notes and doing tutorials.Hah,so thats a really conducive environment indeed!:PFelt so diligent all of a sudden.lol.Then i relocated myself to the area where the tables were adjacent to the windows facing the rooftop.A pity i couldn't exactly view the sunset,otherwise my evening would be even made nearer to perfection:)
I really enjoyed myself today and it was only then when i realised I can be my very own best friend:)I dont have to depend on others to be happy,really.And what happened today also sorta made me realised that i might have been bothering my friends with my own problems too.Am i?
I felt inspired too.I know when i say i have to forgive and forget,it means i have to let go of what had taken place completely and carry on with my life meaningfully.Everyone has their own faults,and i dont need to advertise my own by talking and thinking about my problems every now and then.Even so,i don't have to put my life on hold for anyone,esp ppl like him.I just have to stay busy,life's too short to be wasted.
Okay,great,im finally feeling sleepy.That shall be all for today:)
Can you feel the love tonight?....
Monday, April 19, 2004 11:50 p.m.
Was practising ballet just now in my living room with the dim orange lights on.Aww,feel so romantic all of a sudden;)Soft plano music with graceful ballet moves make me feel so complete as a whole.I feel like one happy ballerina:)
I told B the other day that im still learning ballet and her immediate reaction was to burst into a series of uncontrolled hysterical giggles.I found this pretty rude,and subsequently i tried to be dismissive and paid no particular attention to her questions.What's so funny about it anyway?This is something beyond my ability to comprehend,definitely.You see girls of my age or even older performing on stage,don't you?EeEuurgh.I thought people who are in touch with the musical scene are slightly more sensitive to the others who are related to the performing Arts in a way,but she has just proven me wrong.
zZz.
Sunday, April 18, 2004 10:03 p.m.
Today is the third day where i'm leading my life with a clearer goal and an even greater focus.For once,i felt truly blissful:)All these while ive been blessed with wonderful parents,fantastic siblings and warm supportive great friends who never seem to give up on me:)What else can i say?Thanks.you all know who you are:)
Went ice-skating with Fion,Shui Er and a newly made friend-Kit Ying.Beary fun,i must say.Haha.Haven't been skating ever since Emily,Mich,and me officially proclaim ourselves to be 'young,mature and grown up individuals'.lol.Seems like the opposite is still true afterall.
Went to Esplanade after that to 'create romance'.yuck,haha!Jk:PIt was a pretty lovely evening anyway.
I felt so numb for all the things ive done...all the empty promises...all the wasted effort...
Eeeuurgh!
Thursday, April 15, 2004 07:48 p.m.
I thank God for blessing me with wonderful friends like Juan Juan,Fion and Jessie:)
Wednesday, April 14, 2004 09:32 p.m.
ACJC waterpolo team boys in pink swimming trunks?-HOT.
Wednesday, April 14, 2004 07:47 p.m.
I feel so drained these days.Nah,just physically.Too tired to do anything and I've disappointed myself totally cos' i have been catching up on sleep rather than my tutorials.Math Test on Tuesday was fine,and I'm hoping that i would able to score full marks:Dyeah man.
Tuesday, April 13, 2004 08:59 p.m.
It was a good treat indeed!Jia you,Juan Juan,Serene:)I will always be there watching and listening.
Just some nuggets of information:1)I will be performing at SCH in a ballet concert staged at the end of the year(26/11).My choreography will be showcased on that evening (hopefully) and will be presented by me and several other talented dancers!Yip yap.2)I might be auditioning for some role in the classical ballet-Sleeping Beauty,so wish me luck if i do!3)Im taking over/doing some relief classes for my ballet teacher pretty soon this year,and im really really excited about it;)
Guess my life is truly worth living right now.Haven't felt this way for quite some time already.
I would really appreciate if you all could keep the password to this blog to yourself because i would prefer not to have too many people having access to this.Thanks:)
Sunday, April 11, 2004 08:05 p.m.
My archives don't seem to be working!Sigh,anyway,i tried dying my hair without my parents' consent yesterday with my sis and here is the good news-the colour isn't showing.Yay,im pretty safe in that sense.A brand new week begins tomorrow:)Ok,dinner's calling.Till later.
I just wanna sail with you across the finest oceans forever.
Sunday, April 11, 2004 06:02 p.m.
Its raining so heavily outside and i feel so trapped,like a caged bird with a broken wing and a shattered heart.
I could hardly breathe.