eden is no sanctuary

---+ Sunday, May 9, 2004
---+ 07:13 p.m. ||

how troublesome with angelfire killing their direct linking and everything. its not like i dont understand why they did that, but it does cause complications since i would have to move my files over to my earthlink webspace, which is a big pain in the ass. i want my domain now

---+ Monday, April 5, 2004
---+ 02:14 p.m. ||

mmmm new layout. it's spiffy and extra spiffyness is added because marlene can see it now. even though the last line of the 'poem?' is horribly mispelt it's a pretty pretty nice. right now, or in a while, i'm gonna be working on a archive layout. something simple tat i won't get tired of too fast.

so right now, i'm sitting at home. my abdominal region feels like 1/2 of it has been cleaved off because i had a horrible stomachache yesterday and i even threw up a bit. isn't that lovely? good thing its vacation, i'd hate to go to school after that.

i'm still somewhat pissed about what wendy did. that was plain stupid and annoying. if you're gonna steal from me at least dont subscribe to me. its like stealing your dad's hat, then you go talk to him while WEARING the damn hat. that's how absurd it is. why don't you just give me a reason to dislike you.

anyways, skipping the bitch talk, vacations been ok. queens center is just like roosevelt field. its portalified haha. anyways i got new sneakers and they're a little bit big, so its gonna have the stupid toe line thing. godamnit. i hate the stupid toe line thing, its just there and ruins the look of the sneaker when you glance down at it. hahaha and i just noticed that i started this layout and the last layout with mmm..... mmmm...

---+ Sunday, March 28, 2004
---+ 01:54 p.m. ||

mmm one week till spring break but acutally like 5 days. i guess i'm not gonna go to the march of dimes bowl-a-thon since i'm gonna go bowling with my true lovers the day afterwards. yay. sorta.

i need a new layout. mmm i love the peacemaker kurogane opening. frank. you just don't appreciate good j-rock when you hear it. die die

people suck

---+ Saturday, March 20, 2004
---+ 02:49 p.m. ||

procrastination wooooo...

---+ Thursday, March 18, 2004
---+ 07:24 p.m. ||

TIME TO FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL oh yea, i made up a new work, instinctly. (look at the title) it's supposed to be instinctively but oh well. the word was too long FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL .... ho yea

---+ Wednesday, March 17, 2004
---+ 07:08 p.m. ||

what a great day. ha. ha. i didn't wear green oh no. well you know what. i think i've resolved to never do extra credit points ever again. she can take those extra points and shove it for all i care. i dont need them. i'll show them all. BUHAHAHA. just watch, i'll come complaining on friday bc i didn't finish half my test again. i currently having post menstrual system so i'll see how i'm feeling later.

i was thinking, and i realized how dirty the anna banana song is. remember in the playground, we'd play anna banana, and it goes like 'anna banana/ playing the piano/ all she can do is this/ she's an idiot!' and after the third line, you'd SPREAD YOUR LEGS APART! and the person who doesn't fall w/e in the end is the winner. uh huh. nows let's think about the song. anna. she plays the piano. she's a whore. the end. i wonder who created it, i mean it got little girls to do such things without them realizing it. it's pure genius.

---+ Sunday, March 14, 2004
---+ 02:51 a.m. ||

i hate this. my computer has bad monsters in it. it wants to destroy my system. why are they so mean. i cant banish them or drive them into a room where they wont cause trouble. this is bad. i wont be able to do stuff on my computer if this continues.

in all seriousness i need a new computer with legit stuff. lots of legit stuff. yum, legit

---+ Friday, March 12, 2004
---+ 06:01 p.m. ||

buhahah yes, a wonderful yet not so wonderful week. i got tests back, i got a 53 in math but in global i got a 100 and 96.. so oh well we shall see next time what happens. what exactly do i do in tutoring? i dunno but we'll see what happens with the next test.

a'sldkfjapofn i'm in a state of sluggishness. ill write more later

---+ Sunday, March 7, 2004
---+ 04:24 p.m. ||

wasting some time then doing some hw .. yay

BOLD THE THINGS THAT RELATES TO YOU.

1. I can not draw.
2. I have strange eating habits.
3. i am currently obsessed with maroon 5
4. I love xanga
5. I just ate a sandwich
6. I am from a house
7. I was born in February.
8. I enjoy reading.
9. I am not on anti-depressants, yet.
10. I bite my nails like a lil bitch =D
11. I am in love with Johnny Knoxville.
12. I like English class.
13. I've lost/fucked up my cell phone twice.
14. I hope someday I'll find happiness.
15. I'm about 5'6"
16. I like to watch sports.
17. I am quick witted.
18. I often stare into nothing.
19. I like board games
20. I appreciate gratitude
21. I can usually sleep even when I'm not tired.
22. I am too lazy.
23. I hate the smell of movie popcorn.
24. I constantly procrastinate.
25. I have done hardcore drugs before.
26. I drank alcohol before.
27. I wish I had better grades.
28. i love chocolate.
29. Stupid people amuse me i am one of those stupid people that amuse myself
30. I hate when people judge others without knowing them.
31. I love hot chocolate
32. I like *some* kids
33. I hate cabbage.
34. I dress casually.
35. I am judgmental.
36. I don't have a favorite television show.
37. I'm not a senior in high school.
38. I dress well
39. I go to SMS.
40. I like Garlic Bread
41. I am an optimist.
42. I love winter.
43. I haven't seen Marilyn Manson in concert.
44. I can be harsh
45. It annoys me when people disrespect nature.
46. I am a hypocrite.
47. I wish I could vote in the 2004 presidential election.
48. I am trustworthy.
49. I wish I could play guitar.
50. I want to get a hair cut.
51. The silence after a long discussion when you're trying to think of what to say next is terrible.
52. I burn my own cd's.
53. I am not passive.
54. The best thing about a guy is his personality.
55. I often put others before myself.
56. I hate it when I don't understand what the lyrics of a song mean.
57. My mother is a fucking bitch.
58. I am currently smoke-free.
59. I'm half korean and half white.
60. Stupid people really confuse me. --annoy and amuse me--
61. I like showers.
62. I love surprises.
63. I'm not fond of confrontation.
64. Sometimes I laugh about absolutely nothing.
65. The known makes me uneasy.
66. I am perfectly comfortable with knowing that I will eventually die. --but not my loved ones dying--
67. I hate cold showers.
68. I speak just to fill silence.
69. I am afraid of not having control over my future.
70. I wish I could visit New York again.
71. I like to keep life exciting.
72. I have ran into a tree.
73. I have walked into windows
74. I like looking at and taking pictures
75. I don't know how to play pool.
76. My favorite sport to watch is basketball.
77. I learn song lyrics quickly.
78. I like candles.
79. I like school SOMETIMES.
80. I am annoyed by phony people.
81. I have studied one language besides English in my life.
82. I don't have a favorite color.
83. I am avoiding homework, thats why I am doing this.
84. I usually hold doors.
85. I have 1 sister.
86. I don't like when people brag.
87. I had a bad camping experience.
88. I want to find love.
89. I like people with a REALLY good sense of humor.
90. I like taking my time, yet I'm impatient with others.
91. I was just on the phone.
92. I like color coordinating my clothes.
93. My hair is brown.sort of
94. I have never dyed my hair.
95. I reminisce to myself a lot.
96. I am fond of Dave Matthews Band.
97. I don't know who Saul Williams is.
98. I am not a needy person.
99. My bedroom is always neat
100. I love jewelry

---+ Friday, March 5, 2004
---+ 09:05 p.m. ||

yay, imma go from a 95 avg to like a 75 avg, that's great, fucking great. music is down the fucking drain but it only counts as .5 im pretty sure. global, i got a 66 but im hoping to make it up with the next test. math, i'm gonna get a 65 hopefully. i hate her. yea because im having trouble in her class. i hate her. its like maximum disgrace, failing -in the process of- a class that i took and passed -pretty well- already.

limited hw time, so that's even better. i feel another breakdown coming. it's swimming inside of me, waiting to seep out. what horrors. i better get started on my homework or else i'll just end up worrying too much and getting stress stomachaches. if your name is frank tan, i repeat, frank tan, lover of david park and charles something skip to the next sentence. why do i even bother. anyways it feels like the worst days/events happen to come around I'm PreMSing, where my progesterone and estrogen are skyrocketing. w00t, go thickened walls of the uterus!maybe because hormones are going crazy it feels like its more terrible than it actually is. i'd love to skip a month or two due to stress. fuck. its just like argh. i wanna sink to my knees and scream for a few minutes straight but that'd be too noisy so ill just keep to drawing. yessah.

some people are so fucking insensitive. due to the massive chunk of stupidity in their already shrinking brain, they're oblivious to people's feelings. i dont feel like talking means i dont feel like talking. what the fuck is so hard with that. and if you ignore that warn sign and continue to persue having a conversation with them. dont insult that person, me, someone's whos on the brink of major sadness [sounds retarded but its better than depression i think]. in my convo with a certain someone 'OMG, you're crying over a test?' yes i am crying over a fucking test, you dense fag. get over it. just because you're used to seeing 65's or 55's i'm not.

i imagine scenarios in my head, that'd id commit suicide and write a bitch rant about that person in my note. maybe then, they can understand how the way they act affects others.

onto another topic, alcohol and smoking. the BESTEST BEST BEST of them all. 'omg i drink too but it's madd lite so its ok' sure, you retard, we see that the alcohol's already affected your brain. even if you say that trying drinking or smoking is something that everyone goes through, is it really. is it media? the news? that makes it so.. i dunno. someone explain this all to me, i'm gonna go make some holes in the wall.

---+ Sunday, February 29, 2004
---+ 06:25 p.m. ||

once again, if you're name is frank tan. skip this paragraph i repeat, skip this paragraph. if you dont, we'll just see how crazy your imagination can go. again. ok, i went shopping today and it was treacherous. at least in delia's it was. many nice jeans but the ones i tried to put on should have been labeled - FOR ANOREXIC SIX FOOT GIRLS WITH NO HIP BONES AT ALL. then if i tried the bigger sizes, they were humongous and were droopy in the front (ass space) .. someone tell me you understand the ass space part haha. anyways, no jeans for me, so ill just continue wearing my select 3 pairs.

so now it's 630, my dad said dont worry karen, we'll get back at 4, pleeenty of time to do your homework. ahhh. i must ask my oh so intelligent and generous aqaintances so a nice big chunk of their semi-project thing. yay.

olympics and elections, let the beauty of drama begin

---+ Saturday, February 28, 2004
---+ 07:37 p.m. ||

if your name is frank, skip this paragraph, i already know what you're gonna say. if not .. oh well today, i achieved a great .. achievement. its a weird one but whatever, what makes it special if it's not unusual. anyways, yes, indeed i have, i have peed in the near dark. do you know how fucking scary that is? so there's 2 doors and out of them i expected a stupid girl that fell down a well walk through the door to attack me. the toilet is right next to the shower and the shower curtain was drawn so i expected another little girl that fell down a well to pull the shower curtain back and start choking me or something of that sort. ok .. it doesn't seem all that scary typed out but if you were peeing in the dark in my bathroom, you'd be fucking freaked out. the light in that bathroom pisses me off, its a florescent light but in a circle and in the morning, it works fine but at night, it doesn't. i wonder why bathrooms dont have windows, now you people might be thinking 'karen, you idiot, its so that the mexican men roaming around won't leer at you' but i say why not, it can be tinted or textured (like my 2nd floor bathroom) i need some natural light to make up for the faulty light.

yay another acheivement, a new layout. back to anime related stuff w00t. whenever i dl anime my computer still crashes. i just realized that i never REALLY installed my drivers, because after the godly cable man installed the even more godly cable, i was blinded with happiness so i just leapt into my computer chair and started surfing heavy flash pages without popping in the network card setup CD. how silly of me. and the point of this story is .. my computer is still crashing, that is gay. ok so i guess there really wasn't a point to this part of the section except the layout part. go me

it's really pleasant if you have people to walk with you to your classes. i have none of this except in gym > bio, tech > eng and lunch > spanish. maybe i'm not trying hard enough to be friendly? i know i've been emitting an aura of eternal PMS but i'm prolly lingering on the past too much. wargh. oh crap i just realized that my content from the first to third paragraph is getting less and less interesting, quickly i must think of something.

yes, i've done it hopefully. i haven't gone shopping in 2 months and a week. that's a lot that's like 1/6 of a year. i must hurry and do my hw to shop, shop, shop for clothes and a new jacket. speaking of random things, i'm participating in the march of dimes. so people, you better send in your fucking money, i know you people have at least one fucking dollar so donate to premature babies you insesitive fucks. ah, a sentence is so easily spiced upped with a few f-words. the majick of it all. i'm also gonna be walking in the march of dimes, hopefully i wont get a stomachache or something. how much is 10km exactly? i also added a drawing section to the right hand side i'm assuming that you've taken a look at the pics already so just read my great and witty commentary

---+ Monday, February 23, 2004
---+ 06:43 p.m. ||

this day sucks. first i had a weird dream. (about school) i was online to get gaucamole chips and then the guy at the register was like with this tax, its 2 dollars, and this tax is 6 dollar and the final tax is 12 dollars. and as he's counting up the toal i'm eating the chips, then the guy goes you can only pay for half the tax if you sell this, and he pulls out a box that looks like a rice crispy box. then i go ok, and take the box (at this point, ive finished the chips)

then i go outside to an alley to sell it, but i see my friends so we start talking. we leave and then i realize i left my box there. i go back and get my box but when i'm like 2 blocks away from the alley, i realize while i was getting my box, i left my coat there. then i go back to get my coat but this dog is like grr.. and i'm like omg, you suck. so i grab my coat and run back to school with a rabid dog on my trail. as i'm running back, im thinking oh god please dont let me be late.

when i get to school i realize i am late, so i take an escalator up to my class and when i reach the top, i see my parents with some teacher and they're like karen where have you been? this just makes me think, that i'm thinking about food, selling candy and being late. makes sense but it came in the form of a weirded out dream.

now school, dont get my started, i'm not even gonna talk about my program card mishap but i will talk about this annoying dude named allen. its back enough he's there in the morning but to tag along in the afternoon ride is fucking annoying. i'm already fustrated as it is and he just makes it worse. i may hate him more than alex, the gay dude in my math class. gasp. salim (is that how you spell it?) had a scary face on this afternoon. very scary, like super murderous intent. it was a bit constipated too but i'm not about to go say that to his face :]

Litto Azn xT (7:30:08 PM): thank you so much
damn straight, bitch

---+ Sunday, February 22, 2004
---+ 10:51 p.m. ||

so everyone's writing at like .. right now because they've just finished the hw that they could've finished on wednesday but decided to leave it for today. yep that's us. anyways, i dont really care that school is back, at least i dont have to worry about the stuff anymore.

i dont feel like carrying the stupid poster board. i have the wrong measurement for it but if she penalizes me for that, that's fucking stupid. argh. ok maybe i'm a bit peeved that school is back but what can you do about it.

new layout soon! lovely

---+ Friday, February 20, 2004
---+ 03:09 p.m. ||

omggg i wanna sleeppp .. and watch anime without fear of having my anime run out. ha. anyways, yesterday, after working and stuff i had a major stomach ache. compared to what i ate the previous days during vacation that was pretty fucking healthy. bacon and turkey sandwich (yes fattening yet i couldnt resist myself) lemon iced tea and rice with chicken and broccoli ... yea that was REALLY healthy since the other days i ate soda, chips, soda, cookies, soda, candy and soda. that was real gay. i had to sleep for like 2 hours and sit on the toilet for another ^^. bet you didn't need to know that.

now i stand.. well sit here, trying to finish my english homework. i'm only gonna put like 75 % of it into the work for most of my other classmates, who are freaking dumbasses, probably will not even try so mine will come out all sparkly and golden. the book, hiroshima is saddening sometimes. especially the part with MR. Fukai, where he didn't want to be saved. and when one of the priest carry him on his back, he's protesting like a childing. eventually under a few certain turn of event mr.fukai runs back into the wreckage he was saved from and most likely dies with the others thousands of people. T.T

---+ Thursday, February 19, 2004
---+ 03:42 p.m. ||

yay, i woke up early again today. which is 9 15. in about 4 days, i will have to get up three hours earlier than that. 6 15 .. nooo, so this paragraph is basically the school rant. i finished reading hiroshima but the questions for it are so stupid, especially question 2 which is list ALL the events and ALL the characters that each of the six survivors encounters. that's fucking bullshit. and chapters 2 is a pretty pretty long chapter. T.T i also have my english essay to do, which will be OK. i hope to finish all my english hw by friday night, do my science hw on saturday and do my optional global hw on sunday. i doubt that this will go according to plan since i have scores and scores of manga and anime (pointless though) on my computer.

today, i 'worked' at the donut shop (stupid frank, we shall smite you) it was ok but some people are so fucking rude. one time, this dude was like, what's taking so long -insert ugly contorted face here- i wanted to jump over or on the 3 foot tall counter and punch his stupid face. but, i kept my composure and kept on cutting his god damn uncuttable bagel. i cannot cut rolls, croissants or bagels straight. it eithers ends up in a U shape or a diagonal line. i feel guilty because after i finish cutting them, they come out all squished since i had to hold them in place. i also learned how to do loads of other crap, like make coffee, tea, set up meats, and make sandwiches. inbetween the customers, i raed hiroshima and right before i left, i drew another picture for my urban journal. expect pictures up at night.

i feel so insulted. right when i got there, my parents are like buhaha we'll make you and aminta work and we can rest. then i go, i'm gonna get a job at laguardia. then they (cousin, cousin in law and parents) laugh at me and they go haha where are you going to find a job. that's basically saying how can someone as useless and stupid as you be hired? oh well. i shall see what happens. i still need to get workin papers.

i have a much higher respect for cashiers. you wont believe how hard it is to sutract something like 43 under pressure (giving change is tough -.-;; but they dont usually check) i think i cheated people out of ten cents or gave them ten cents. old people are nice, they smile and say 'hey is that your daughter' or 'helping out, how nice' etc. but the mexican men of the streets can go fuck off and get their sandwich elsewhere. i also meant that in the most non-racist way possible. aha.

---+ Wednesday, February 18, 2004
---+ 11:19 a.m. ||

blahhh just procrastinating once again. i spent like 1 hr and 30 mins on the newlayout, font, poetic crap to make it look fancy, formatting, etc. i really need to learn how to use photoshop properly because because say it is the best. i am getting into the hang of things. if i can figure out how to use something like the fill tool in PSP and how to use slices and layers, i think id be set. sorta. anyways, the must run off the to hw, this really bites for my english teacher is actually giving us work now. in this weekend along hte work will belike 1/3 of all the work we previously did in the first semester.

i cant wait to go to the wax museum and waste more time.. damn those lesser zombies. yet i will still go to make my lovers happy. i wonder who will be going. i hope i dont end up pissing off frank too much. i get the feeling that i have been lately. must stopp .. i wonder what we will do afterwards. i may not be able to go out this saturday due to my massive amount of homework and my refusal to start reading hiroshima or doing any of my large projects (which is basically all that i have left of my homework). See the concrete evidence is right there !!!

LiL8189 (3:58:23 PM): i feel alseep reading hiroshima
Ch1n0 WhA signed off at 4:00:28 PM.

sushi madness and more crazy crap like that. i shouldn't have opened my big mouth in the hallway and said that i could imagine the two bloody twins from the shining. still it was so freaky, the hallway was like the perfect setting for it. quiet and too still. frank's like if i say something like that and started getting chased or whatever i'd be so happy .. weirded out. i would probably stand there for a few seconds and then my brain would register what im seeing infront of me and THEN i'd run. but by then, they'd probably get me T.T. according to spark's test for untelligence, the ability to reason under tough cirumstances, i only have a 40 which is pretty pretty bad. so if i ever get lost camping, or get threatened to be eaten by a lion, or be caught out in sea during a thunderstorm. i would not survive. how fun.