I want to be the wind... A wind like a breath...
At times, I want to be the wind that
fights against you, the wind that dries your tears, or the wind that eases your tiredness.
I want to be a wind like that. I want to fly. I want to sweep up sadness and spread
happiness. When you’re sad, just cry. I’ll be there. When you’re happy, just call. I’ll be there.
But because we are girls, there are times that you get tired. There are times that you hold back
your tears. In times like that, darling, I’m going to come flying down, so hold me in your arms gently.
Kusakabe Maron
Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne, Final Chapter
Translated by Peaches
Anime: Kare Kano! Cowboy Bebop, Trigun, Digimon Adventure/02/ Tamers (ehehe..), Inuyasha, Petshop of Horrors, Basara, Mahoujin Guru Guru, Initial D, Serial Experiments Lain, Card Captor Sakura, Shinesman
Books: Harry Potter, Ender's Game, His Dark Materials
Comics: The Books of Magic, The Sandman, Calvin & Hobbes, Dilbert, Foxtrot, anything else Neil Gaiman
Movies: Moulin Rouge! A Beautiful Mind, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Fight Club, Memento, Beauty and the Beast
Music: Kare Kano, Kanno Yoko, Weiß, Moulin Rouge! Squaresoft, Hamasaki Ayumi, Sakamoto Maaya, Maeda Ai/AiM, Wild Arms I, The Brilliant Green, Sarah Brightman, Pierrot, Depeche Mode, L'arc~en~Ciel, Jewel, Ali Project, Disney
"I'm really into Barry. He's the first guy in a long time I've felt this way about, who's not, you know, an arrow-shooting elf from Lord of the Rings."
I do so love Will & Grace. XD~
I've spent the last few days valiantly trying to reread all the HP books by the 21st. (I'm such a procastinator.) I finished the first three books in as many days, but I'm currently only on page 39 of GoF... ^^;
I've fallen in mad sparkly love with Lupin all over again though. *_*
And I certainly can't tell why anyone in their right mind would obsess over Snape either. (Especially when there's Lupin and Sirius around.) I know it's partially because plenty of women seem to find Rickman sexy, but there's still those who were nuts over Snape even before Rickman came into the picture. Many seem to get a kick out of Snape's habit of aggressively flaunting any power he has, whenever he can. (But there's so many fictional characters out there that do that so much better, and without being childish and immature about it.) I've also seen people make excuses about how he's just portrayed as so ugly and nasty because it's from Harry's POV, but still, there's just some negative things about him that I don't see how anyone could possibly excuse. (Like, his insult about Hermione's teeth in GoF. And his positively nasty behavior towards Neville. But then people manage to come up with BS like, "Oh, he's doing that to help Neville! To prepare him for the rigors of the real world!" Yeah. Right. Suuuure that's why Snape torments Neville with a gleeful smirk.)
But then, I can't really see how Draco can be so popular either, considering that he's nothing but a nasty spoilt brat in canon. (Yes, there's fanon!Draco, but there's those who honestly believe canon!Draco can somehow evolve into the the myriad fanon versions of him.) I guess there's just no accounting for taste. >D *runs*
But what I really don't understand is, how people can possibly find Ron/Hermione, of all things, squicky. There's the H/Hr people who say that. And then there's the people who ship, say, Snape/Hr and Draco/Hr, who say the very same thing. See, I can wrap my brain around things like people being obsessed with Snape and Draco. But Ron/Hermione, squicky? My mind simply boggles and cries.
It just goes to show how diverse the HP fandom is, I suppose.
I finally got around to watching X2 last weekend, along with rewatching Finding Nemo. This time around, I noticed a Toy Story cameo (a Buzz Lightyear action figure lying around), and Mike from Monsters Inc. was swimming around well into the credits. *squee* Even better was the random mutant cameos in X2 though - Dr. McCoy on the news, Colossus in Xavier's mansion, and best of all, seeing "LeBeau, Remy" listed on the computer Mystique was hacking into, which forced me to restrain myself from sparkling like mad. XD (Even though he didn't actually seem to be in the movie himself. ;_;)
In other sparkly news, I learned a few days that Chrno Crusade is officially being animated (it was only rumors until a month or two back). And not only that, the recently revamped Devil Inside has scanned anime promo images. *_* One thing I noticed is that Rosette seems to be in her second nun outfit in all the pics. My guess is that the animators ditched the first one altogether in favor of the more fanservice-y of the two... (Shame, it would have been pretty amusing to see Rosette's granny underwear from her first outfit animated. XD;)
No seiyuu have been announced yet, but I hope they keep as many of the drama seiyuu as humanly possible. (In particular, Takayama Minami as Chrno's "normal" form - she was absolutely perfect.) I don't have very high hopes though, after seeing what happened with D.N.Angel's seiyuu. ;_; The rest of the drama seiyuu for CC were really well chosen too - Imai Yuka for Rosette (really, I'd never have guessed that she played drama!Riku too), Chiba Susumu for Chrno "Truth" (he's surprisingly sexy as Chrno Truth - his Chiaki voice just made me laugh, but I guess that's because anime!Chiaki is just dorky like that XD;), Seki Toshihiko for Remington (*_*), Hoshi Souichirou for for Joshua (I didn't much like him for Daisuke, but for Joshua, ee~<3), Kawasumi Ayako for Asmaria, Sasaki Seiji for Ion, Horie Yui for Fiore, and so on...
Also watched the first two episodes of Jungle wa Itsumo Hale Nochi Guu last weekend. Guu is quite possibly the most frightening little girl ever. I knew it was one of the most bizarre animes out there, but even that couldn't prepare me... My sister laughed and laughed as I sat in front of the computer, wide-eyed and occasionally screaming in horror.
So, anyone else being uber-dorky and picking up their copy of HP5 at midnight? XD Must get back to GoF~<3
kamikaze ~ 08:36 p.m. ::
Friday, June 13, 2003
np: Don't Look Back [TK Original] - Globe
So I was reading "Tsubasa: Reservior Chronicle" here, which also has translations of pertinent XXXHolic scenes here and there, and...
From XXXHolic chapter 14:
Yuuko: ...because Mokona was made by me and Clow Reed to travel through different worlds.
*weeps* I think my brain just broke. Just when I thought CLAMP couldn't possibly get any eviler... Fellow Rayearth manga readers, SHARE MY PAIN.
Although...this Mokona seems to talk. It's so much scarier when it talks. o__o;
Mokona: (to Syaoran) *poke poke* ...you don't poke back. *shiku shiku*
I really like Fye. He's Fun. XD~ And he and Mokona have Fun together, making Syaoran and Kurogane spaz out. <3
I also read chapter 74 of Fruits Basket yesterday. Momiji made me cry, again. ;___;
I had a Plan to reread all the Harry Potter books by the 21st...but I still have yet to start.
Almost the end of Friday the 13th, and no sign of black cats. Shame, because I would pet it and squish it and...<3<3<3
Does anyone else think Clow and Dumbledore would get along frighteningly well? I imagine that if Clow were ever to visit Hogwarts, the smarter portion of the staff would surely do their best to run like hell. Snape is screaming in my head about SHAME being brought to the Slytherin house. (What else would Clow be in? *checks manga* His hobby is "surprising people," and his favorite thing is "tanoshii koto" (fun things). Oh, and what he's thinking is "unclear." It's like a recipe for CLAMP!evil.)
Introduced Azumanga Daioh to a group of friends last week. >D Will be watching more this evening. I've had "Sora Mimi Cake" and "Rasberry Heaven" stuck in my head all week. <3
Less than 11 1/2 days till HP5!
kamikaze ~ 01:23 p.m. ::
Monday, May 26, 2003
np: I Hope You Dance - Lee Ann Womack
Well, /damn/. Due to the name of this blog, the fact that I babbled a bit about CLAMP's newest series, and CLAMP owning the souls of millions, my record number of hits per day just shot up from 100 to 172.
That said, I feel obligated to put up some sort of disclaimer for all those poor souls who come here thinking that I've devoted this page "Tsubasa." Someone even quoted my uninformed babbling in some Australian message board. And look! I'm number one!
For anyone who came here looking for info on CLAMP's "Tsubasa -Reservoir Chronicle-" this isn't a website devoted to the manga, I haven't seen the manga, and anything written here is just speculation or info gathered from other places on the web. Go to JupiterStar.com for a summary of the first chapter of "Tsubasa," which, by the way, is in fact a parallel story to XXXHolic and not a sequel to CCS. Seems the only thing these characters really have in common with the characters we know are their names and looks.
(Yes, say it! CLAMP is the spawn of Satan! Evil, sly, cunning women! They know we'd buy it even if it sucked as much as Yuugioh! I thought I was finally free of their grasp, but now I sit here disappointed that Keiko won't be able to pick up the first tank for me because it won't be released by the time she goes to Japan this summer...)
I'm particularly looking forward to the possible introduction/cameo of Tomoyo. (CLAMP had better do at least that much for her!) She was never my favorite, but I still <3 her, and there's so very many ingenious possibilities! They better not give her the half-assed "If Sakura's happy, I'm happy! <3" ending again. I can stand another few years of waiting for Sakura and Syaoran to get their damn act together, but not that. I would be forced to rage about screaming, "Gaooo! Gaoooooo!" a la Godzilla. When I was still thinking that "Tsubasa" was a sequel, I was hoping that they'd give Tomoyo a /real/ happy ending.
I might blog about prom after I'm done with exams. But I'm lazy, so be sure not to get your hopes up~ XD It wasn't that big a deal for me (the part I liked best, besides being with friends for eleven hours, was seeing everyone dressed up! <3), so if I do, I'll probably wait till after I've gotten the photos developed and such. I only used something like 15 out of 24 exposures, so I have to use up the rest of the film though. (Although I do have a bunch of solo pics taken at home with my dad's new digital toy, which he wouldn't let be bring...) Buuuuuut, I'm probably going to a certain egotistical boy's party this Friday, so the wait won't be terribly long. I can't resist a good opportunity to take embarassing photos~<3 If I go, I'd have to take at least one extra roll. Besides the fact that it'll probably be the last time I'll see so many of my classmates (I'm not going to graduation - far too depressing for me, since I'm not graduating with them), it'll be all those people in /swimwear/! >D
Dad has plans for another family vacation this year - we're most likely going to the Northwest, starting with Seattle. I have high hopes for this vacation~ (didn't you say a while back that Seattle's the only big city in the U.S. you really like besides SF?) We'll most likely be leaving midday on June 21st...yes, that date! Since HP5 will be released the day we're leaving, I'll be reserving a copy at a local bookstore rather than on Amazon. If I pick it up as soon as possible after midnight, it'll be quite the show of dorkiness! I would feel so proud of myself. X3 Don't know if my parents will actually let me do that though, since they'd want me to get enough sleep the night before - I might just end up getting it in the morning. But anyway, guess what I'll be doing on the plane~? XD
Three entries in less than a week! Shock! Amazement! Surely hell must be freezing over?! No, it just means I'm just procrastinating with my economics projects and studying for finals...I'm a bad, bad girl.
kamikaze ~ 12:36 a.m. ::
Thursday, May 22, 2003
np: Theme of Chrono Trigger [Orchestrated] - Mitsuda Yasunori
Upon further inspection, "Tsubasa" is apparently being advertised as being a "parallel adventure." If this sequel is some sort of alternate reality, I think my heart palpatations may calm a bit. But I seem to vaguely recall hearing a little while back that CLAMP was making a new series that was some sort of parallel story to XXXHolic (which I know next to nothing about)...?
kamikaze ~ 02:03 p.m. ::
Thursday, May 22, 2003
np: No Woman No Cry - Nenes
I have class in less than 10 minutes, and I've eaten nothing today but a bit of jello, but I just have to stop and say--
Oh my god CLAMP, OH MY #%$^@* GOD, what are you SMOKING?!
Sequel to Card Captor Sakura started this week in - of all things - Shounen Magazine. It's apparently called "Tsubasa -RESERVoir CHRoNiCLE-." (Yes, that's the official capitalization.) The cover of the latest Shounen Magazine features Syaoran wearing goggles and leather and holding a really big staff, with Sakura in his arms looking rather damsel-in-distress-y.
I haven't been on the CLAMP ML for well over a year now, but I'm incredibly tempted to subscribe again, because really, I feel like someone beat my brains in with a Twilight Zone mallet.
But. Well. At least I can squee over Syaoran without feeling pedophilic.
Isn't it sad that this merited blogging when my prom didn't?
kamikaze ~ 12:53 p.m. ::
Wednesday, March 19, 2003
np: Miruku - Chara
Yeah, still alive here.
??? When I tried to archive some time ago...well, it didn't, and whatever entries I've made since November are gone. Eurgh. Oh, I have a new email address, since I switched to cable about a month ago. Contact info updated to the left...
Haven't been on AIM the past few weeks or told anyone besides family about the email change because I feel pretty depressed and antisocial and rather upset with my friends. I always forgive them once I start talking to them, and I get frustrated with myself for doing that.
They've made exactly one effort to call and zero to visit me since school started. And when they did finally did call last weekend, I was out of town. Just when I'm thinking that, hey, perhaps they do give a damn sometimes, I realize that they didn't even /try/ calling a second time. (oh, the wonders of caller id) It can't be anything of great importance to them if they can't even make that small effort. I haven't called them back, because really, what's the use? It would be a quiet and strained conversation, and probably the only thing they would get out of it would be an opportunity to come by and get more anime from me.
I'm sick and tired of getting on AIM to talk to my friends, only to pretend that I'm "fine" or "okay," because I know they wouldn't want to deal with anything else, then getting brushed off because I'm apparently not worth keeping a conversation with for more than a couple minutes. I make excuses for them, telling myself that they're busy, that they have a ton of stuff to do, but I can only delude myself for so long. They're busy, but not one of them is so busy that they can't even spare half an hour to call or visit me for an entire two months. I /know/ they're talking to each other for hours each week online, calling each other, and they've even mentioned off-hand going out and doing things just for the fun of it, when they hadn't even asked me if I wanted to go.
It's not that I haven't told them that I'm pretty much desperate for any sort of company. I ask them to call me or to drop by and visit anytime. I tell them I'm willing to go out and do just about anything. I hate looking needy, I hate asking for that sort of thing, but even when I do, they just promptly forget.
I just don't know what I can do. A few months back, I got pretty angry and depressed because of a rather insensitive off-hand comment one of my friends made. I was eventually prodded into talking to her and told her that it really bothered me that no one really made an effort to keep in touch with me. She apologized profusely, and I asked her to remember to call or visit me at least once every two weeks. Not much to ask for, right? She promised not to make the same mistake anymore. And what of that promise now? I've lived here eight years, and that's only the second time I've made it apparent that I was really, really upset with one of my friends. (most of the time, i just let it slide and forget about it...) I would have thought that such a thing would have made a more lasting impression than that. If they continue to forget me even after I explain it to them in plain words, what else can I do?
People tell me all the time that these are just high school friendships, that we're all going to forget each other in a few years anyway. But what does that matter? I'm not living a few years in the future. Even worse is when people tell me that perhaps it's time to get some new friends. Besides the fact that I see absolutely zero people my age on a regular basis, I can't just forget everything so easily. And I suck at making friends too. I didn't make any friends in school until I was in second grade, and when I moved here halfway through fourth, it took about a year for me to make any real friends. (and even then, there were times when i wished i had never moved)
I can't even have a "good cry" anymore. Lately, whenever I cry really hard, it makes me feel utterly miserable physically as well. All my usual problems - headaches, dizziness, fatigue, crappy memory and concentration - seem at least twice as bad. And it feels as if I have a fever, even though I don't. It happened again last week, and it was several days before I really got over it. I figured it was just a coincidence at first, but it's been exactly the same way for at least the past four or five times I've cried. Crying is just so damn exhausting.
It's gotten to the point where I sometimes have thoughts about suicide whenever I can't force myself not to think about all this. One night last month, I nicked myself with my razor a few times. Nothing beyond a few scratches that disappeared without a trace. (i really am a chicken when it comes to pain) But when I fell asleep that night, I dreamt that there were long, deep cuts all along my forearms. I wish I was exaggerating, but I'm not. It's sickening that I spend so much time thinking about how these people treat me when it seems that I hardly ever come across their minds.
(when i found out that the third volume of Watase's "Appare Jipangu!" was finally being released (and here i had thought she had abandoned the series), i couldn't help but wish that something like Yusura's Kongomaru really existed...i would like that)
I think that if the situation were somehow reversed, I probably would have done exactly the same insensitive things they've done to me. I would wonder from time to time how they were doing, but never do anything about it...never bother to call, never bother to visit, never be the one to try to include that person. I'm so upset that they've all, as others have put it, "abandoned" me, but I feel like I can't blame them, because I would have done the exact same thing. And because I don't think they're purposely leaving me out of spite or anything like that...I just don't matter enough to make an effort. Which says something about myself as well as them...
*sigh* People suck, there's certainly no doubt about that.
