I want to be the wind... A wind like a breath...
At times, I want to be the wind that
fights against you, the wind that dries your tears, or the wind that eases your tiredness.
I want to be a wind like that. I want to fly. I want to sweep up sadness and spread
happiness. When you’re sad, just cry. I’ll be there. When you’re happy, just call. I’ll be there.
But because we are girls, there are times that you get tired. There are times that you hold back
your tears. In times like that, darling, I’m going to come flying down, so hold me in your arms gently.
Kusakabe Maron
Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne, Final Chapter
Translated by Peaches
Anime: Kare Kano! Cowboy Bebop, Trigun, Digimon Adventure/02/ Tamers (ehehe..), Inuyasha, Petshop of Horrors, Basara, Mahoujin Guru Guru, Initial D, Serial Experiments Lain, Card Captor Sakura, Shinesman
Books: Harry Potter, Ender's Game, His Dark Materials
Comics: The Books of Magic, The Sandman, Calvin & Hobbes, Dilbert, Foxtrot, anything else Neil Gaiman
Movies: Moulin Rouge! A Beautiful Mind, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Fight Club, Memento, Beauty and the Beast
Music: Kare Kano, Kanno Yoko, Weiß, Moulin Rouge! Squaresoft, Hamasaki Ayumi, Sakamoto Maaya, Maeda Ai/AiM, Wild Arms I, The Brilliant Green, Sarah Brightman, Pierrot, Depeche Mode, L'arc~en~Ciel, Jewel, Ali Project, Disney
np: Sora mo Toberu Hazu/I Can Fly Even to the Sky - Spitz
There's a little boy walking around all stumbly-like in front of my house. So cuuuuuute. <3<3<3
kamikaze ~ 04:50 p.m. ::
Monday, November 4, 2002
np: Vector - Sakamoto Maaya
Something I forgot to mention yesterday, because I was too busy sparkling over and finishing up The Two Princesses of Bamarre, which I highly recommend. It has an average rating of five stars over at Amazon, so I guess other people agree with me~ I'd recommend Rhys too, despite his awful taste in clothes, but he's unfortunately not available. XD
Okay, on to the super happy uber wonderful good news I have! According to CBBC Newsround, JKR has stated that she's putting the finishing touches on the manuscript, and is just "weeks away" from giving it to her publishers~<3<3<3 For those who want to know more, there's also a link to a video clip of the interview with the Rowling. :D
kamikaze ~ 01:07 p.m. ::
Thursday, October 31, 2002
np: Hemisphere - Sakamoto Maaya
Dammit, Kei-chan, this song has been stuck in my head non-stop since you sent it to me. Oh well, it's Kanno Yoko and Maaya, so I still <3<3<3 it despite that.
A little while back, I dropped the classes I was supposed to be taking in school (I started the school year with attending school full-time, then switched to half in-school, half homebound a month later), because I really have just been too /blah/ to go. I had gone to class for a grand total of six days this semester. *sigh* I can't take those classes with homebound, and I need those credits. So, in other words, I won't be graduating with my class in May. I have a few paths I can take to get my diploma. I'm leaning towards one at the moment, and I'll probably choose that one in the end, but I really don't want to make the absolute decision yet. I'm just too scared to make it final, because it's a really big decision to make. I know that no decision is "wrong," and that I can decide to do things another way later on, but it's hard to make myself think that way.
I know for sure that I won't be staying at my god-forsaken high school for another year. Entirely too much ridiculous crap to deal with. Among other things, they have seriously screwed with my GPA and class ranking. The classes that I signed up for the past four semesters, but ended up unable to attend for the most part and eventually dropped...well, the oh-so-nice-and-responsible people at the school never "officially" dropped them, despite our requests, so I have several lovely failing grades for classes that I was too sick to attend. When my mom brought up that topic, they said, no, they couldn't change it. The likened my situation to a college student who didn't do their work because they were too lazy to, and decided to drop a class later because they were failing it and didn't want it screwing with their GPA. With B.S. like that, I would think it's no wonder that I don't want to deal with those inconsiderate people another year, right? But when I told them I had no intention of staying there another year, they all had this appalled look on their faces. Idiots.
Anyway, I've been seeing a new psychologist, Mr. Cox, since the beginning of October. He's very nice and good at what he does. It's hard to make myself open up to people, but I'm getting better at talking to him, slowly but surely.
One noteworthy thing about Mr. Cox is that he realized one thing that none of the other professionals I've seen have. As he said, "out of sight, out of mind." Concerning me and my friends and peers, that is. Once I was out of the circuit, lots of people seemed to just...forget about me. I've mentioned before that I've gotten very bitter and depressed at times that literally months would pass without anyone coming to see me, phone me, or even email me. I realized early this year that if I had died over the summer, whether by suicide or other means, probably no one would have known till school started. There would have been an announcement from the school principle via loudspeaker, telling teachers to check for an important email. And that's how my classmates would have found out - from the teachers.
And last year, one of the school's ROTC officers died last school year. The orchestra played in memory of him. Keiko told me that afterwards pretty much everyone was sad and quiet for a little while...then after a few minutes, everyone acted as if nothing had ever happened - talking, laughing, playing around. I can't help but wonder if that's how people would react if I died. Would they act down about it for a couple days, maybe a week, then forget about it? Probably.
I've also been having weekly group sessions with the school psychologist. Well, there's only two other people, so it's a really tiny group, but anyway. She says the three of us have similar problems, though I'm not exactly sure what, since none of us talk very much. But Dr. Lurie is great, and talking to her helps. It also amuses me to no end that she has absolutely no issues with cursing quite explicitly at school. XD;; Though she only did it once or twice, 'cos she doesn't want to freak us out (though I don't think we would).
A random bit of sparkliness...I want to say that I <3<3<3 Will & Grace. Was watching the reruns that show on WB last night, and, among other things...:
Jack: Oh my gosh! Women have such soft backs!
Will: Jack, get your hand off my ass.
XDXDXD~ I didn't <3 the show from the start (Karen irritated me too much at first), but it really grew on me. Which it was bound to, because, well, there's ghei! I am so amused that none of the main characters are attracted to women. >D
The other night, I named Tristan's computer. Named it Snape, I did. >D
Darkseeker13: My computer has actually become a friend, although a very cranky friend.
Chibi Miyu: Hmmm...in that case, maybe you should name your very cranky friend!
Darkseeker13: Not a good idea... he might be replaced soon.
Darkseeker13: I might get attached to this one (yeah, right).
Chibi Miyu: *cackles* Name it Snape. Old, cranky, and you can never get it to do what you want. And it probably has self-worth Issues. And a new bright and shiny computer is getting the job it wants.
I wonder if I couldn't have come up with a more appropriate name though. Oh well, if I came up with something else, Tristan might not be familiar with the character anyway. Too bad I've never named anything besides my stuffed animals. My computer, monitor, and such just don't have enough personality! Though my computer's been a bit tetchy concerning Opera lately...perhaps I could come up with something from that. >.>;
And something I've been forgetting to ask you for weeks and weeks. ^^;; About the senior pranks at your school...goats on the roof and pumpkins all over the school? Are you serious? 'Cos if you are...d00d, your school is seriously fuckered up. XXXD
Oh, and Cindy? You are /evil/ for blogging about the Spirited Away discussion. One, I am madly in luuuuv with that movie, and I /so/ wish I could've been there. I'm very, very envious of you. Two, I want more details, details! I need more to sate my Spirited Away-loving soul, dammit! ...I'm such a dork. XD;;
Lalalaaaa...I feel like blabbing about HP for a while (about the Oprah-CoS episode, among other things), but my homebound teacher's scheduled to come in 10 min. (though she's usually a little late), and I ought to get ready. My mom just came home with food, and I need to eat, 'cos I'm starving. Shame, because I really feel like blogging right now. Maybe I will later today. Hopefully.
kamikaze ~ 12:50 p.m. ::
Tuesday, October 15, 2002
Life is crapfuckingtastic.
*snipping lots of negative stuff I no longer feel like posting*
Instead, I'll just say that I'm all for having a Dr. Kevorkian around here. Shorter and hopefully less self-pitying. Bleh.
Squee! Kingdom Hearts! Want to play play play~! Too bad I have no PS2...
Okay, must change subject before I ramble about Kingdom Hearts too much. X3
Happy birthday to me~! 18! Legal adult! D00d, the wrongness! XXXD
Since it seems that some people are still checking up on this blog, I guess I ought to explain my absence this time around, as there's a very specific reason for it. *sigh* To make a long story short, something really terrible happened a month ago that is directly related to this blog. I got very depressed, had some rather nasty suicidal thoughts, and lost my appetite for a couple of weeks (about four pounds lost the first three days). I'm not comfortable talking about what happened in detail here, so if anybody wants to know more about the situation, just email me, message me on AIM or ICQ, whatever. So...even though I have felt like blogging from time to time, I've been extremely uncomfortable with actually doing so. And I haven't decided what to do about the blogging situation yet. I might continue blogging here, move my blog somewhere else, or just stop blogging altogether (which I don't really want to do ;_;). The problem is, even if I do move, at least one person who I really, really don't want to look at this will most likely find it anyway. Anyone have suggestions on what I should do?
kamikaze ~ 12:02 a.m. ::
Sunday, September 15, 2002
np: Dearest [Original Mix] - Hamasaki Ayumi
Whee, comments up! I love you, Enetation. Works on Opera too! Yay~! Well, the comment count doesn't work on Opera, but that's no biggie.
Message and comments brought to you by "Insomnia Strikes Back!" ^_~
kamikaze ~ 04:16 a.m. ::
Saturday, September 14, 2002
np: Dearest [Original Mix] - Hamasaki Ayumi
Okay, nevermind, looks like commentary will have to wait until later tonight or tomorrow.
I hope I'm still in a blogging mood later. There's something that's been on my mind lately that I want to blog about (that's less superficial than my usual stuff... ^^;). Actually, part of the reason I haven't blogged much lately is that I think too much about what I'm saying and end up spending entirely too long on an entry...until it gets to the point where I think that whatever I'm saying sounds really stupid, and I don't want to post it anymore. And what's been on my mind lately relates to that, so...
kamikaze ~ 08:44 p.m. ::
Saturday, September 14, 2002
np: Dearest [Original Mix] - Hamasaki Ayumi
Whee, archived. Sheesh, 3 1/2 months, and I hardly blogged at all. Pathetic. ~_~
Images are finally back up, courtesy of Cedar County and Cindy, who mentioned the image host to me. Thanks~! Angelcities decided not to allow hotlinking anymore and didn't tell me. Grr. Though I'm sure everyone is sick and tired of this layout as I am at this point. >_o; Hell, I was sick of this layout a year ago. And the color scheme. Gah. I had no idea at the time that it was the exact same bg color as Pitas, I swear!
I'm also in the process of changing the commentary system, since Barry's World is being tetchy, and Enetation's apparently much less bothersome. (And has a much shorter code to deal with too!) *ufufu* It's so nice to have a commentary h0 friend to help out. >D (Cindy, you still want to be linked to? Wanted to make sure first, since, well, you know... >_>;)
