+shidare+|I.AM.YOUR.GAY_________

Shatter and twist

----------Randomness------------------------

Plane home. Flying across the night skies, bright city lights below. Shimmering and sparkling like a mirage on the desert sand. Home. Funny, it has been 20 years since he last touched the his birth country, yet, it was home.

"Ne, do you promise to love me forever and ever and ever ever?" Child-like eyes took a depth of maturity before dancing into happiness "PROMISE~!"

A smile graced his lips, he had not seen her since he moved to L.A with his parents. 20 years is a long time, will she still remember?

Street 12. House 6. Everything was the same yet different. Skyscrapers peaked at their pinnacales, spearing the sky with the normalcy of kids running and jumping, playing soccer in the small field near it. Some things changed and adpated but some didn't. Would she wait for him?

"Hello, is anyone in?" Questions questions...An elderly lady opened the door. "I'm looking for Si-yan, is she in?" An angry look passed over her face, "Si-YAN! That stupid girl..."More mutterings and a door threatening to slam at his face. "WaIT!, What happened to her?"

"Siyan went to look for some pretty boy and ended up dead and drugged in those Ci-ties" Accent made it hard to understand. Door slam.

No tears. He had nothing left to cry about.

This is not my home, there is nothing left anymore

Take the next flight. Anything away from here.

-------------End--------------------------------

Feel oddish. Lalalalalalala.....

---------------Randomness---------------

She sits there, combing her flicking her long black hair, eyes dolled and mascare-ed, lips painted red, dressed in a extremely skimpy outfit that left nothing to imagination except for a patch of pink underwear.

I can tell she's nervous.

Glaze slides to her face. Hmnnn...fairly pretty features. Large brown eyes widen with fear, tongue wetting lips over and over.

I want her

Easily, I pay for her. Whores are my thing y'know. There's nothing better than a tasty one after a business deal. Of course I have a wife, every respectable businessman has a frikkin wife. But ah, they are wives. Nothing more than a reproductive system for future investments and a cardboard feature for the real thing.

We go to a room and we fuck.

Control is exciting

She sits there, after we are done. Clothes strewn all over, I pick my up. Planning for tomorrow's meeting and wondering how much the laundermat must cost. First pants, shirt, tie, socks shoes. She's still sitting there, on the edge of the bed. Clucthing the dirty money in her hands.

She's so young

For a split second, he is reminded of his teenage daughter. He doesn't really remember much of his daughter except when she was younger. Sun-kissed sun and big smiles. "Daddy!" Now he no longer has time for her. A twinge of guilt hits him and he heaps an extra hundred.

He does not want to remember

Leaving. Tomorrow there would be another meeting. Straightening his tie, he walks sliently back into the glaring night.

---------------Ende-----------------------

So cold..........I'm so tired and everything. I'm pissed at Arts Alive, pissed that I failed Literature, pissed that I did badly for Chemistry, pissed that my History marks weren't fantastic either. And I have an headache coming.

I'm looking for an angelic guidiance

-----------------------Randomness-----------------------

Mirrors. I hate mirrors. They lurk in places unseen , spying and staring at you, mocking your pitiful self and they tear away every illusion and self confidence.

I hate the way they stare at your soul, peering and sneering at every small imperfection, magnified in the laughing mirror before me.

I hate the -whiteness- of it, like a person eavesdropping into your life, spying into your innermost secrets, eating and sucking you bit by bit, drop by drop.

Mots of all, I hate the face that lies before me. I want ti to shatter into a million pieces. Every fragment to disappear. For me to become nothing and perfect all at once.

Death of self or death of inner self?

-----------------Ende----------------

More randomness.............I swear it's because I'm listening to Cage. It has an effect on me *hates all this hates all this*

--------------Randomness-----------------------

The wind howls.

A young man shivers as he clutches his fur cloak tighter.

Granmama, what of the howling wind?"

"When the wind cries, the North Wind knows that a soulmate has died and the other soul will wander in loneliness til blessed death"

"Granmama, what of the gentle breeze?"

"When the wind sings, the Zephyr knows a long happy life is finally over and the soul brings the gift of warm wind to refresh all loved ones"

"Granmama, what of the white snow?"

Turning her head to the sky, she shakes her head. She will not answer.

The young man remembers and shivers. He should go home now. Home, where his wife was waiting, warm fire, warm food and warmer love. He sighs and gives thanks for contentment and happiness.

All he asks is that the Great Bear spirit takes care of his village.

He rows his kayak downstream, currents quickening his journey. Suddenly, he sees a blaze of light. Light, in the 30 days of night. What had happened?

Blazing fire, razing his village to ground. Twisting and burning everything in it's path. Everything is dying.

His heart is dying. He vaguely hears himself screaming.

Snow falls.

Raising his tear-filled gaze to the sky he finally understands. With a bitter smile, he answers his question from long ago.

'Granmama, what of the white snow?'

'The sky never cries for you, it is the tears of the dead and who they left behind".

---------------------------End------------------------

I.AM.STILL. PISSED. AT. ANDREA.

This does not put me in a good mood.

---------------Randomness-------------------- The fan creaks and whines as it turns slowly, hot air is swirled round the roon. Humidity making it too hot to sleep. She flops on her belly, trying to find a comfortable spot in the overly warm bed. The clock glows and shimmers as a neon 2 am hangs in the air.

She closes her eyes fast and tries to sleep. She has school tomorrow.

Epiphany is the epitaph of sleep

Giving up, she slides her feet gently to the ground, careful not to make any noise. She drags her body to the window, opening it, inviting cool breeze and tropical mosquitos in. She breathes deeply. Padding softly to the edge of her table, she fumbles for the radio switch, careful not to spill any of the mountainous textbooks, worksheets and papers. A sing plays quietly, too softly for her parents next door to hear.

say goodbye
say goodbye
I don't want you to go
But I have to say goodbye

We played as children, running crazy
Childish games to grown up kisses
Underneath the same trees.

She stops as a tear slips down her cheek. Invoked. And the memoraries flooded down

Say goodbye
Say goodbye
Be strong and stand tall
And sing our eternal melody of love
But it's time to say goodbye
It'll break my heart and yours
But it's time to say
Goodbye.

"Oiya, what's your name?" A friendly voice amdist all other unknown ones. "Errrr...I just moved here..." Shyly speaking, barely above a whisper. "Haaahhh? I can't hear you!" Sighing, she tries to smile, "I'm Feiying". "Nice to meet you!!!! I just KNOW we're gonna be the best of friends!" A warm hug and her new best friend disappeared.

Say goodbye
Say goodbye
You're strong enough to stand without me
So it's goodbye
It doesn't mean I've left you all alone
But it's goodbye
I'll sing my melody
You sing your melody
Under the same sky

"Ne, have you ever been kissed?" 'WAH! Feiying is such a PERVERT!" "No I'm not...'Mutters as she tries and struggles with her E Math homework. "You know......." A blush covers her cheek. "It's like..."Fumbling and bumbling for the right words "I hope you don't think I'm..." Fear //pleasedon'thatemepleasedon'thateme// "I think I like you, can you be my girlfriend?" Tentative smile creeps across her face. "I mean if you don't want I understand...and and..'Head bowed, rejection. "Oiya Feying, silly idiot, of course! If not why would I like you on Orientation Day huh?" Grin spreads from face to face. Friends, now girlfriends, doing homework under the tree.

Say goodbye
Say goodbye
Seperated forever
Tied by memoraries
So please don't worry
Cos I love you so
Goodbyes will not tear us
Memoriares tie us
So say goodbye

"Ne.....Feiying..." "Hmmnnn?" Eyebrow raised in faked surprise. "Errmmm..." "So you failed a test again? Or someone said your drawings suck?" "Errmm..." Sighing and a kiss. "Ah well....You see.....My parents..." "Yep?" Eyes sparkling in anticipation. "They're sending me to Austraila to study.'

Shatter sky. Shatter heart. Shatter soul.

Neon numbers brought her back to reality. 3.30 am.

Say goodbye
Say goodbye
Plane's leaving soon
Waving hands
say goodbye

Say goodbye
Say goodbye
When the next morning begins
I'll be in a new chapter
But the rose of yesterday will never die
Budding with memoraries
One day it will bloom again
So say goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye.......

Fingers stroking the cold pane of glass, barrier between an image forever frozen by the camera. Smiles. Joy. Past days. No regrets. Never regrets.

"Goodbye........"

-------------End-------------------------------------

Feeling MUCH better after cake and all. And lots of Penicillin-Chaos and rounds of Hide. Somehow, I never expected people to like the randomness of the stories. Most of them are real, everyday incidents that people either tell me or I just make it up myself eg. Spiritwind tale. Story 3 is the longest mainly cos I understand it much better than most people think and my head is screwed.....ahhhh....Can't think straight.

Life ain't easy
So let's enjoy what we can
It's the flame of happiness

I use to wonder about jumping of buildings and slitting wrists and drugs //And I still do.........// By nature, I like to do wacky things and yeah, death is one of the funkiest things to play with. It's a neat gamble that brings the biggest thrill to life. Funny ne? Death brings thrills to life XD

Hey you thrillseeker
Do you gamble in the game of life?
Dancing with death
Playing the highest stakes
You're not scared of ANYTHING
but everyone's scared FOR YOU

Sums it up quite nicely I think. No wonder my mom finds me heart wrneching to take care of. Lalalala~~~~~~~ My photoshop 7 is NOT working and that pisses me cos I don't like Gackt and his face pisses me off. Cos I like my YOSHIKI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Heya, I wonder if when people try to find 'Yoshiki' on a search engine, will this turn up? XD XD

I'm not gonna allow an -incompetent- president piss me cos it ain't worth it

Musical dissoance can be a cacophany or the balance of chaos and harmony

Talking to Natz.....Heck, she's funny and nice and maybe she'd get a rose tomorrow too.

Why is it on teacher's day with give roses to those we like and DISlike?

*doesn't understand it herself* Anyways, planning to win the lantern competition for Mooncake festival cos I know I can and this is the last year I can do it ^_^

Eyes for you
Only for you
Eyes love you
Loving you
That's the dream for me

Eyes for you
Cos I love you
The most wonderful chance on earth
Is loving you
You're the world to me

Lalalala...aishta la bista til later baby.

love ya all

tsu

[Tsubaki dreamed in euphoria 06:42 p.m.]

PIKA PIKA PIKA PIKA PIKA PIKA

Listening to: Goodbye - Hide w/ X Japan

Finished up with the Arts Alive junk finally and there's a meeting tomorrow. School was okay and I got 23/30 for Physics!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE YOSHIKI

I mean, I think I know why I like him.

In an odd sort of way, Yoshiki is like my dad

It's strange when I think about it, how much they are alike. Both are crazy workaholics and share the same sort of dreams. I remember once my mom telling me that when my dad was younger, he was more carefree and said that he sould retire when he's 40. Now he's 40 over and working harder than before.......

Sometimes I pity both of them.

Felt like angels today~ Cos it's the pika pika ness that makes the world go round~~~!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes at night, I can taste the magic in the air and KNOW something good is going to happen.

Dreaming magic
Gives life to our beliefs
In every fairytale
Truth lies there bare

Happy feeling ish or anticipationish.

LEXIS IS ONLINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She understands XD.

love

tsu

[Tsubaki dreamed in euphoria 10:02 p.m.]

Weveryn Tales

Listening to - L'Arc en Ciel Shinjitsu no Gensou to

Rundown of day

-Scared Auddy cos I suddenly turned random in class.
-Went to Kino met some people
-Went to the bus met some more people.

Current state: Random.

Big question: Am I crazy? I can't answer so yesh. Anyways, met this neat person called Hisoka at Kino (again) and we picked up the X JAPAN photobook at the same time!!!!!!!!!!! She likes Yoshiki too~~~

----------------------Randomess: Shidarezakura---------

Shi'da're'zakura - Weeping Cherry Tree whoose branches droop downwards like the willow.

A tree grows in woods where the nightingale sings evermore. It's branches spread like ghostly hands reaching and gasping for the sky and land.

The tree cries blood

Every year, the tree lures a child under it's smooth flowing branches, undualating in the wind like a magical mystical dance that we all listen in our hearts. The dance changes from a flowing waltz-like ballet to a primal nearly tribal one. Blood sings to blood. They call.

The child dies with a smile.

Empty eyes, glassy and hypnotized. Lips parted in excitement and joy. The fonds carry the child to feed the tree, roots grasping the body greedily, diving in and twining into soft flesh, a coffin of fluid wood.

The tree weeps for the children who died under it's branches, her eyes red dying to a pale pink as she covers her face with the veil of flowers. Shame, guilt yet a nessecity. How else can she live?

The tree weeps blood for every child.

Pale pink serves as a reminder for the dead and living. Every blossom is a child, do you see it lifting in the sky with it's upturned face wishing for life?

We're trapped in the endless dance of Malice and Misery
None wanted but given
All part of human realities

Yest, for all her noble guilt and shame, she longs for blood every year and is still -waiting-.................

---------End Randomness----------------------

Auddy knows that story I think, cos I was telling her about it while walking. I went random in school and scared the *&^ out of everyone.

Went to Kino and met at girl from IJKC who liked X JAPAN too, her name was Hisoka ^^ I like people and it made me feel better to go out than stay in and kill myself.

Bought some tea eggs which was really yummy.

--------------Randomness 2------------

WARNING: CONTAINS J-ROCK CHARAS

Ah! There's another concert soon, I have to prepare.....Licking lips, brush hair and I'm good to go. Pause at reflection.

Dark brown hair and eternally youthful good looks. Seductive lips, dark eyes and skin fairer than most women. I look perfect and I have to be.

Walk out, go for coffee, any potentials yet?

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GACKTO-SAMA!~!~!~!~" Sometimes, girl squealing can get on my nerves, but I need her for my concert. Ah nessicity nessicity is the root of all evil and the mother of invention.

Silky voice, "Why hello, would you like coffee at my place mmm?" Girl nods instantaneously, probablary too excited at her good luck. She's quite pretty or at least with a potential for beauty. Lovely long dark hair and wide pretty eyes, cute. Pimples and all. Grabbing her bag, she follows me. We make small talk.

She talks of my upcoming concert in Kyoto, pity she doesn't know that she would play the biggest part in the house.

Irony, isn't it?

Unlock door, her eyes widen at the sight of the decor. Of course, my taste is always best. Deep red curtains, warm yellow finishings, dark redwood tables and soft cushions. Rugs from India lain across the hearth. This get up looks straight from Mizerable but that has always been my favourite. He had greys eyes that wept for everyone and drowned in love and sorrow.

It's time. This farce has gone long enough. Showtime girlie.

Lick lips seductively, her eyes widen. Stalk towards her, slow controlled movements of a predator. 'Let's have some fun ne?" Low whisper as my hand glids up her chest.

Time for truth and dinner.

Long white nails extend and pierce into her young flesh. She chokes on her blood, still hypnotized by the glamoure. Kiss her drink her feel her pain and suck her soul. Grabb her feel her screaming down your heart plummeting down the depths of the icy heartless abyss. Suck drink lick and dinner's over.

I can feel her thoughts, skittering at the edge of my mind. I can see her memories and petty childhood pains. Her soul will be my voice. Her pain of dying will be my pain. And the audience will never know.

For they too, listen to the cries of the dead.

I am your beauty
I have no heart
Innocent eyes
They hide the truth
Genteel smiles
Ripping your soul away
Only for the song

---------------------------End Randomness 2----------------

For every person that doesn't understand the story above, it's not about vampires. Gackt eats people's sould so that he can sing a beautiful deadly melody and that it will go on forever cos whoever who listens to it will fall under his spell and get eaten up too.

Your pain is his song

On the bus I met a nice Korean missionary who wanted to be a musican but her parents made her be a doctor instead. Because she wanted to help others, she became a missionary with the WEC.

She said I had a gift for drawing and I shouldn't give up like she did.

Sometimes, it feel's like the music is trying to tell me something that I don't want to know. (And I'm not scared of Cage I was listening to it today). It starts from my ankles, licking up until my bones feel itchy and twisty gut feelings with butterflies. I'll tell you the butterfly story and the wind story another day.

They're all not nice stories. Where are the happily ever after ones?

I'm gonna say I want a writer's block cos it makes me feel better. And less freaked by everything. I'm so jumpy I can't sleep, my eyes wander and wander but never look together. I'm at the borderline already and I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE CAN SOMEONE PLEASE SHUT ME UP? I'M GONNA DROWN AND DIE AND DROWN AND DIE and drown and drown......

I don't want to be tsu anymore.

I wanna sit somewhere warm and safe and cry. I want someone to hug me so the music will go away. I want to feel soft happy warm fluffy. I don't want the music to kill me

leXis will get her shampoo in 7 -14 working days.

love

tsu

[Tsubaki dreamed in euphoria 07:46 p.m.]

Ice fire

Listening to : Hide - Dice

Note: He's REALLY REALLY REALLY good. He's even better than Gackt, he plays the guitar by himself, penns the lyrics and sings the songs. It's AMAZING. Heck, if X Japan didn't disband I'll never get to hear him sing and he CAN sing. Dear lord, he could've become a legend.

Why does Cage creep me out? It's the lullaby part, it just creeps me out.

It sounds like someone is trying to strangle a baby

Went for tuition studied Chem this time (Yay! Less Pyshics!) And I think I can now do Qualitative Analysis in my sleep. Lead =white percipitate, amphoteric , mixes well with Sodium Hydroxide and most acids to form insouble salt. Repititive over and over until I was sick of them. Ah well, at least I memorized the whole list. //That's 6 Tests ranging from NaOH to BaSO4//

Penicillin also rocks. Mannnn...they're music is sooo sweeeeet.

I'm still an X fangirl though, it's just GOOD. Yoshiki always rocks and his arrangements are simply -angelic-. Even better, now they've landed a spot on the World Music History as the FIRST Visual Kei band. Yay!!~!! And Extasy Records just turned 15!~ OMG. That means that Yoshiki is......37!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *dies*

He's old enough to be my dad.

Heck, I'M 15!!!!!!

I'm trying very hard not to be random, but it's -hard- damnit. And hey! Isn't this my blog!? I should have a right to....ermm..post ne?

Driving on the road to euphoria
It's a spiral UP! (yell)
On the road to euphoria

Passing your sins and my sins
But there isn't much to show
We're stripped bare and na-KED! (yell)
On the road to euphoria

It's all for fun and show
Cos that's what euphoria's supposed to be
All the relvery
SHOUT YEAH!
Cos heaven isn't really there
It's HERE! (Yeah!)
It's HERE! With you and me!

C'mon lets dance
Dance the night away
Spiralling UP!
Heaven euphoria light
Heaven euphoria light
Heaven euphoria light!
(fae off)

I like that song......cos it's happy and don't care ish and involves more screaming than L'Arc en Ciel. Plus it's fun! But I promised not to be random so yeah, half song only. C'mon shake with me baby.

Lalalalala~!!!~! I feel waaay out better after a shower. It stops me from randomizing I think!!~

Shake that tooshie baby Shake it Shake it Shaki it for me

Did I mention that I love Hide's voice? It's just right! Not too loud and has a hippy wild child feel to it!~~! Wheee!!~~

I'm happy here with my LOVE PEACE AND BEAUTY!
It's time for Radicals to stand
It's time to sing and express
It's time for the music to live on
And remember

C'mon all you wild child
Breathe the land, clean grass clean air
It's PEACE and no war
Hold hands give flowers
And remember

Cos it's LOVE PEACE AND BEAUTY
Cos it's LOVE PEACE AND BEAUTY
Cos it's LOVE PEACE AND BEAUTY
Cos it's LOVE PEACE AND BEAUTY

I feel waaaaaaaaaaaaay out happy now. It makes me wanna dance and reach for every star. It makes me wanna sing out to the moon. It makes me move in the beat of life. My Heartbeat. I wanna move the stars, shake the moutains and SCREEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM YEAH!

love

tsu

[Tsubaki dreamed in euphoria 09:05 p.m.]

Skin crawl

Listening to: Penicillin - Chaos, X Japan - Slient Jelousy , Dir en Grey - Cage, Hide - Dice, L'Arc en Ciel - Shinjitsu no Gensou to, Globe - Anytime Smokin Cigarette

This is one of -those- kind of songs that make your skin crawwwlll.......It makes me itchy and random. *sorts thoughts together* Okay.

Friday

Arts Alive again and the Sec 1s watched Animatrix while me and Rosemary worked on Poetry Night editing. It's okay, cos Second Renaissance freaks the kafe out of me and yeah. In the end, me and Rose got prissy about going home so we bopped a Taxi on the road and she went over my place for a while.

It's a long day and I'm tired
It's your small way that makes life so radical
It's a long day but I ain't busy enough
It's the hug and the kiss
That makes me bop a Taxi on a Highway
Straightway home

And then she had dinner with my family, my mom seems to like her at least and my sis doesn't mind her. So all's fine and well and ain't I happy sounding and sick?

I'm trying to hold together
Gather bits of sand thought life
Making the music flow again
It's a great day to be me
Cos I don't know what's happening either
It's the beat the ryhtem
Heck I can't even spell

It's just the beat and the drums
Makes my life so hot and messy
Makes me think like this
Why did I want to throw it away?

Saturday

Just finished watching Cowboy Bebop and I'm feeling -off- again...I can feel randomness f^cking my mind again. Why can't I think properly? Why do I keep hearing these weird things and seeing these weird things and pretending and pretending like I'm smoking on a cigar?

I just feel

-----------------Randomess--------------

Bar. Vermouth smooth please, no bitters. Sliding me a glass, cool kerosene liquid down my throat, flimy red haze of alcholol racing down my throat.

I betcha she doesn't care.

Well, damnit. The music is those kind of, trance, y'know. Grinds your mind and makes you wanna scream with those premade heachaches.

Why the fuck am I here anyway?

Oh yeah, her. My fucking girlfriend. Yeah, the giggly one. All pretty with hair and boobies. Should've known better to trust those types. Took my money, took my life. Now I'm broke and wasted all my college cash on one whore. Hey, at least we had fun. Before she stole my cash...

Hmnn....room's all blurry and shiny, like those, y'know disney...hmnn...

"hey YOU! It's CLOSING TIME!"

Street ground is hard, man....Some people just don't do the nice. Hmnnn...Maybe mom will take me ba....

It's a lonely world we live in. Can you open your door?

---------------End Randomness---------------------

I feel boozy, like bar top dancing and red clubs with flashing neon lights and smooth velvet. Do you understand? No you don't. Cos I'm not really -anyone- anymore. I'm tsu, Tsubaki, Reiya and whoever who feels like it. It's a subset and subset of a subset. How far can tsu go? As far as she likes dummy and I'm not on drugs thankyouverymuch.

I think I can dream forever.

-------------Randomess----------------------

I'm in a black place. Swimming swimming happy! It's so dark but I know I'm going to come out soon! Whee, there's light now and people talking and someone making breathy painful noises. It sounds really weird.

Something is pushing me to get out, people shout "harder harder!" and there's more breathy pain sounds. I don't want to get out! It's warm and safe here, don't pull me out! But they pull me by my head and then I see people in green clothes with red juice all over them. Lights! And more lights! It's so bright I can't see and so cold and someone wrapping a rough cloth around me.

"It's a boy!" Someone gasps.

Suddenly, I can't feel anything anymore......

She sits there, hodling the hand of a young 17 year old boy.

"I'm glad you aborted the baby. There are enough children in this world". He smiles to reassure her.

A worry line forms. "I hope I did the right thing", sighing softly, she clutches his hand tightly.

Mommy didn't want me.
Daddy didn't want me.
Do you want me?

-----------------End Randomness-----------------------

I'm on the borderline again, let me fall into the senseless insanity

Melody melody melody...........My head is filled with music, I wih sometimes that it'll give me a break.

I just realized that the song that leXis sang was Dir en Grey's Cage.

She sounds better I think

It's weird, I just downloaded it and funny thing is, everyone has been bugging me to download it but I didn't want to cos I was being perverse, even stranger, the song that I was running away from was the song I've been looking for ALL the TIME cos she sang it. OMG my life is f^cked.

Stop singing to me you damn siren song because I will never resist it

I feel like I've died a zillion times now. I betcha it's the music. It just gets into my blood.

I'm on the superhighway now (uh huh uh huh)
And I'm flying through the avenue
Nothing gonna hold me
Nothing gonna cage me
Cos I LIVE for ME
That's life on the highway man

I sit here, strumming my guitar
People sit and stare
They don't care
It's just cos I'm different
I bring my music
And shocking reality

I'm on the Superhighway man!
Life's all peaches and roses
Nothing's gonna say brake and stop
Nothing gonna hold
All ties are gone
That's life on the highway man

I dress and doll up just for ya
I sing my melody just for ya
Hear me sing! Hear me scream!
I'm doing it for you! Only YOU!
Cos you're my best friend
My confidate
My tie to hold me
My guardian angel

I'm still on Superhighway
But life's getting lonely
You ain't there anymore
Can you hold me for a sec? Can you tie me now? Can you hold me forever?
I'm getting off Superhighway now

But it's too late now
You're all gone and bygones
So I'm singing my lonesome
All tears have fallen
All regrets are dead
All life is gone
It's time for goodbye.

Song lyrics by me, tune also by me. Yeah, I'll teach you how to sing it if I;m in a good mood. But really, I hate singing what I write so, sorry.

I'm gonna wait for my soul

If you don't realise, I'm still prissy about Dir en Grey. Mainly pissed at myself cos the song I've been looking for has been kissing my ass and face and I didn't take it. Damn me. Why do I like to run awaaaa~~aay. I just like to I guess. STAND AND HOLD GROUND! Have large doubts about that....

Will you do a live performance? Just for me alone?

leXis hasn't been online, that might be the reason for the pissy-ness radiating like waves off me. Heck, I just snapped at Rosemary and she didn't do anything. //rein in the temper dalin'// Cage makes me want to crawl and hide and curl up somewhere, it gets my skin itchy down to the evry bones. Like it's violating in every sweet caress, like beneath every smooth note, there is violence and death. Like a deadly lovely croon and sends you into madness. Therefore, I'm going to wait till my nerves can handle it until I listen to it again.

Is my mind really that fragile?

Sometime's I think that music was created my the devil because it lures and entices and seduces........

----------Randomess----------------------

Hmnn...It's a quiet night tonight. I have a feeling he's going to strike tonight. As a female detective, it's more intuition than anything else. Then again, nothing makes sense anyway.

Glance around. Hmnn...it's always strange that it's the violent murderers that enjoy class and elegance. And this place is one of those where everyone is educated and cultured. Who said art and music soothed the urges of men? My pretty ass. I swear, they overpay those theologists.

Uncross legs. That man over there is pratically salivating, tease or not to tease that is of the question....Smile, flick eyes. Oh dear, he sure has it bad mmmnn? Pity I'm on a stake out, he doesn't look too bad. Especially with a wallet that size.

He's here. The murderer.

Smoothly cross legs. Glance to the side and flick eyes. Wow, ain't he one hottie. Armani suit too. Why are all bad guys so good looking? Maybe they sold their soul to the devil to look like -that-.

"Hello miss, you look quite alone, my I take this seat?"

Voice like melted butter but bait taken nonetheless. "Sure darlin'" We make small talk. Mindless meaningless conversation as he buys me a drink. Vermouth dry.

"It's lovely tonight, would you like to go outside?"

"Sure." He reaches for my hand, smiles a killer smile (literally) and we leave.

We walk and talk. It's near the bridge now and he suddenly stops.

"It's been a lovely evening m'dear but it's time for some entertainment"

"What entertainment?" Innocent trusting voice. Let him live a while longer, after all he did buy me a drink.

"This" Whipping out a blade, he brings it down. "Sayonara m'dear"

I'm faster. Swift dodge down and he leaves an opening for himself. Silly fool. Twist and the knife is down his back. "Sayorana is for you darlin"

Sometimes I think I enjoy killing too much.
Sometimes the I wonder, am I growing cold?

Oh well, it's another day and another case tomorrow.

---------------End Randomness----------------

I'm going to get something to eat, maybe it'll make me feel better.

love

tsu

[Tsubaki dreamed in euphoria 09:38 p.m.]

Your Perfect Bishounen by taka
LiveJournal user name
Favorite Number
Favorite Color
Your Bishounen Yuki Eiri
# days w/ your bishy 416
Reason for break-up the relationship was going nowhere
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....................*dies laughing*

Your Perfect Bishounen by taka
LiveJournal user name
Favorite Number
Favorite Color
Your Bishounen	Yuki Eiri
# days w/ your bishy	416
Reason for break-up	the relationship was going nowhere

Created with quill18's MemeGen!

[Tsubaki dreamed in euphoria 02:37 p.m.]

Swirly Twirly sparklies

Listening to : Come Undone - Duran Duran

--------Random Prosery-----

Breath and skin, soft kisses and warm crispy clean mornings. White linen and coffee cups. Warms touches and the release. Euphoria.

Run run run far far away

Sparkling light and fireworks. Hands holding, carrying eternal promise of Forever Love. And a long kiss goodbye.

Everything falls apart

Warm breath on windows. Planes flying. Funerals binding, death leaving. Only a memorary.

It is one thing to be poesses by spirits and another by the past.

Let it go

Turning, he walked away. Leaving old roses of yesterday.

-----------End Random Prose----------------------

Frack. I make a lousy writer........Oh well, just had to unload it -somewhere- and this is as good as place as any. I'm feeling flightly and flying I'm not here and I'm going higher and higher and higher.......It's like magic y'know, I don't want to read, I don't want to draw, I just want my endless dreams.....It's so wonderful the feeling. This never ending dance, spinning and spinning and spinning.

I'm spiralling up the stairway to heaven
Breathing In

I'm not really happy, that's another reason why I don't think "Euphoria" and "Happy" has the same meaning. How do I explain it? "Euphoria" is the best feeling in the world, it's feels like -nothing- you're just following and dying in it. You're not in control but yet everything is magic. It's like heaven. "Happy" is just delight not the feeling of absolution. And it's totally different cos while you and your friends can -share- happiness, you -can't- share euphoria. It's something you must make yourself.

It's better than sex

Today was typical. Went through the motions of study, threw a tantrum and buggered myself stupidly getting lost in my head, stupid stupid tsu. I was thinking of angels.

-------Randomess yet again-------

Fingers brushed the exquisite underside of her skirt. He savoured the feeling of young skin and the hidden secrets beneath it.

passion on the subway train

Doors beeped and slid open. Throngs of people flooded into the conpartment, he lost sight of her. Sighing, he loosened his tie, preparing to board the next train.

It's a monochrome world

He never forgot the feel of silky skin, but tomorrow was another day.

Another ordinary day, and tomorrow there will always be new prey.

-------------End Randomness---------------

Am I getting more and more random? Or maybe I just need to sit and think more, instead of just -acting- whatever I feel, I'm just so mixed with all the ash and kisses and blood and violets and sliverly black. I can't see anything more than the next handhold and .....it's like sliding down and trying to crawl up but you're sliding down the black velvet heat and you never want to leave this safe safe haven but you have to or you'll die.

Twisting and squirming I love euphoria and yes, I'm not taking any drugs......Euphoria is a state of mind.....

Love, ash, and kisses

tsubaki

[Tsubaki dreamed in euphoria 10:35 p.m.]

Lo-li-ta, 3 steps to sindom

Listening to: Temptation - Garbage.

Point to note, I'm getting kinda sick of teeny bopper jap music so now I'm listening to the best (and the worst) of English songs. Hey! At least I know what they're talking about.

Went to school and just for the -hell- (or heaven) of it, tied my hair in 2 ponytails, with ribbons. Tried to look like Mana, ended up looking like Merryweather. Is that an improvement? Anyhow, Ms Chow complimented me, and that was funny....XD XD Teachers! And despite the weird looks, it's kinda fun. I'll wait for Mom(Judith) to come home on Monday before I try it again. XD XD Let's see what she'll say (that's if I live long enough to see her reaction)^_________________^ Man, I really DO like pissing people off.

Recess recess.....My sis did some funky stuff and tugged the p'tails too hard and mucked up so I had to re-tie it. I swear she's deprived of barbie dolls that's why she plays with my hair. Auddy showed me THIS HORRIBLE picture of MANA eating VANILLA ice cream. Throughout the day, I was bombarded with thinly veiled vanilla jokes and "kimi wa boku no VANILLA"................................One day, I'm going thwack her. HARD. Oh and she didn't call me Prick!!!!!!!!!!! XD XD

Let me explain, after reading Anne Bishop's Dark Jewel Trilogy, Auddy became known aS Daemonelle, I'm Lucival and Natz is Kartana...TOGETHER! WE FORM THE (UN)HOLY TRIO!!!!!!!!!! ^_____________^ Tis so fun to play in school and Lareina is Gackterella, cos she sings like a female Gackt and is really really really good at singing (unlike some people I know)

Skipped Math tuition and slept the whole afternoon away....Blissss.....XD XD

love

tsu

[Tsubaki dreamed in euphoria 09:13 p.m.]

Boggled Befuddled Blah

Listening to : Komoriuta (just to save my soul)

I've just watched 3 Gackt videos in a row

Dear LORD! Save my soul........*dies of fright* WTF WERE THEY THINKING WHEN THEY DID ILLUMINATI????!!!!???. Basically, it looks like some S & M orgy. And their English is screwed. WHAT IS GACKT DOING TO MANA????!!!???? *dies* OMG. It's sick and icky and squicky and yucky and OUCH. That nails/spear/sharp stick/impaling equipment MUST hurt and the blood looks like ketchup. To tell the truth, I chickened out at the last part and skipped it >.< EWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!! What the hell are they doing/thinking? After like, the fifth round of -someone- shaking his hips rather vigorously against another -someone- I gave up. I mean, wtf?

Literally speaking.

Freaked out tsu

[Tsubaki dreamed in euphoria 07:58 p.m.]

Cuticale sounds like Cubical sounds like Canticle sounds like Crucible

Listening to: Komoriuta - Here There Now and Then anime ending Just a Note:

Here There Now and Then is one of the best animes I've ever seen in my life. Not to mention it's also underappreciated for it's -fantastic- storyline. Generally, it deals with human cruelty is one of the subtlest forms, each character is a personification of a human aspect. Even the significance of the way the charas are drawn, eg. Lala-Ru's blank eyes represents her indifference to the fate of humanity. It's by Pioneer and they showed it on AXN before.

It's really really good and it's such a pity that flashy Gundams and pretty boys take center stage.....If you're interested in something with -substance- give this anime a second look, and see beyond the plain artwork to the raw beauty behind.

------------------------

Watched Crucible today and yes, it's really really good!~! Amazing thing is, now 1/2 my classmates want to borrow the book XD XD XD Yay~! It's good that they read~~As usual, it's a tradgey by Arthur Miller who incidently wrote Death of a Salesman as well, Judith is going be so pissed that she missed the show. Pretty well done if not overly dramatic. But hey! It's a play after all!~

Went for P.E and was -late- so my class got scolded for tardiness and ran 15 rounds instead of 10. It doesn't sound like much of a difference unless YOU'RE running it. Ouchie feet. Anwyays, she later asked us to write a response on our attiude and ponder upon our actions. Being me , I wrote a long essay thankfully honesty won and she was -grateful- for my honest opinon //jaw drop// OMG. Honesty does work after all...........

Or I'm just really long winded.

Anyways, English class was nearly as bad since we had to write a response to an article. *hint to all my teachers: Don't ever let me choose my topic or you'll all DIE* My dear oniichan, Auddy was befuddled and bemused that a supposedly 250 word essay turned into a 3 page long essay.......Anyways, I was just inspired I guess XD XD Must be a good day for writing.

Came home ate lunch and immediately ZzzzZzZZZZzzzz *snoozes* until time for Chinese tuition. So now, I'm comping and slacking XD XD

I'm still listening to Komoriuta...darn...it's great song. Feeling sorta mixed up lately, why do I feel like everyone is in denial? When I walk in school it's like everyone doesn't want to see the truth and they just delude themselves on whatever they feel like feeling today.

I'm walking in a ghost town filled with mannaquins.

love

tsu

[Tsubaki dreamed in euphoria 06:23 p.m.]

Owwwiieee...my feet hurt

Listening to: Come Undone - Duran Duran

Tired....I just finished showering and getting rid of the goo.......UGH!

Woke up at 6.30am and changed for the fund raising day (M.A.D hair-raising day). Anyways, we're supposed to have wacky hair styles and ask people for donates. Sounds easy except that a)National Youth Council has horrible admin people b)Overstaturated places, 2000 students is just WAYYYY OUT (discluding all those crappy "motivators" who are the JC students). "Motivators" are actually like policemen, who go around making sure that the groups STAY in their assigned areas and that the students don't lie around in the sun.

That idea is pure crap.

Anyways, came to Novena Square at 7.15am which we were to collect our shirts and get our hair done. AMAZINGLY, we were sent to Bishan instead and wasted 2 frikkin hours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Stupid @ssholes...........*seriously pissed* Finally we had a semblemce of order, but they screwed it up again when started to assign us into groups of THEIR choice (by register numbers) instead of letting us form our own (waaay more sensible since we prefer people we actually KNOW) So we came up with a sorta plan, get your hair done, pretend to be together, after hair is done, go back to our *original* groups. Much better.

My group members: Auddy, Judith, Marian, Natz and Zara.

OUR HAIR WAS SCREWDY-FIED. Okay, I had 6 ponytails and weird gooey pink purple streaks. Not those nice fake hairspray kind. But GOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *dies* Judith looked like some American Trailer Trash Lady, Natz looked like Padopop Porcupine, Auddy looked like Gackt's Vanilla do with a dash of Yu Yu Hashoku in it. Zara and Marian looked pretty okay XD XD. At least EVERYONE looked bad, so it doesn't matter if we looked like rubbish.

When I tried to wash it off, it took me 3 shampoos and 2 rounds of rinsing....My bathwater turned dark blue (hey! litmus test blue!) and there was solidified bits of white hairspray in it. GROSS...........

We first went to the Esplanade cos we figured that Orchard, Somerset, Douby Ghaut would be waaaay to crowded and there would be too much competition. Plus it was a nice morning and Esplanade had a HUMONGOUS PARK. ^___________^ TREES! Anyways, zoomed in on the tourists and came to a Conclusion.

Results:
Caucasians are either -really- generous or -really- stingy.

Singaporeans are the same as the Caucasians. But when you give them a 8 min explaination they only give 10 CENTS!

Chinese China people ignore you or donate less than .

Japanese tourists are pretty nice but weird and usually involes TONS of gestures.

Hongkong families donate the most XD

Anyways, wandered from Esplanade to Fullerton and finally Raffles Place. The people there are NICE. I mean, really nice. They're the kind of S'poreans that should appear on the papers. If they don't donate, they say "sorry" or "no thank you". They donate, their kids donate too! And they don't ignore you unlike people from Orchard et al.

Went to Centerpoint to regroup have lunch and meet Christine. Very quick, short lunch since it was so crowded and we figured that going to Raffles they're be more people more willing to donate, plus they're nicer anyways.

Went back to Raffles and we split up. Judith stayed at Raffles, Marian and Zara went together towards Quay area and Natz, Auddy and I walked towards Fullerton and Victoria park. The place is beautiful!~! I never knew there wer so many sculptures and trees around there and it's amazing. Walked across the bridge near Fullerton ended in Esplanade park, from Esplanade park we walked down to Raffles again. It's upstream S'pore river actually ^^ now that I realize it.

Called everyone at around 2.30 and re-grouped at Burger King!

Great, so Natz called her mom who said that since it was early we would kill a couple more hours and return back at 4.pm XD XD We all tramped to the washroom and tried to get the muck off our hair Auddy and Zara got most of it off, Natz didn't bother, Judith is sorta de-fluffed it and tied it back, I just got rid of 6 ponytails and tied it to 1 ponytail.

Met back at 3.45pm and we decided if we all couldn't fit into Natz's car, we're ALL take the MRT cos it wasn't fair to desert anyone. So all 6 of us squeezed into the backseat. Zara on Auddy's lap, Judith on Marian's lap and Natz on mine. *grins* Franny didn't see us though we waved at her! That blur queen..........So anyways, reached there, gave the bag, rushed to Scotts to meet mom and went home.

Scrubs, Washes, Rinses, Showers, Bathes and Cleans.

XD XD XD I feel clean now!

Funny Incident

Judith's hair was all afro and Frou Frou and Fluffy . Quote" Hi, I'm a Trailer Trash lady, like you know, I have like 6 kids and I really have to like, hurry and finish this so that I can like, paint my nails!" So since, by coincidence, we had 6 people in our group. Judith became our "MOM!~!!" LOL. She was -quite- pissed but it was pretty fun

love

tsu

[Tsubaki dreamed in euphoria 07:31 p.m.]

New layout!~

Tis the Season of Fall~!!!~ *squeals* So I made a layout which is orangey and orangey. Hnm. It started out as a heavily edited Alichino one and then me and sis got bored and scrapped it. Gackt came into the picture because by chance, I accidently did something and it turned a pretty white. So I used the Le Ciel pic (complete with white nail polish) but it looked TOO white and plain for me. BAM! Orange orange and more orange. Ended up looking like Pumpkin Fest. XD XD

Going out soon~!~! *with dad*

Love and hope ya all like it!~ *glomps*

tsu

[Tsubaki dreamed in euphoria 05:28 p.m.]