Gawd. *falls over*

Listening to: *stones.....*

Lots of work to do. Just signed up for oil painting classes. It's almost almost crazy. Technically I don't have the time. Whatever. I'll make time.

I'm postively insane.

Anyhow I worked my arse off today, even though I'm overdosing on mosiacs. I'm never EVER going to look at it the same way again. I don't even want to think of the amount of work we have in the next few months.

>______________>

Japanese test this week, and I haven't studied AT ALL! I haven't done my math homework either. How sick is that? I'm just tired.

Installation this friday. Or something.

*zombiefied*

For some reason zomboid is beginning to send funny images to me. Like night of the living dead turn night of the living sex slaves. LOL. Hmn. Maybe I should shoot a video on it....ergh no time.

Air I mean band not anime, has a strange effect of lulling me into semi-sleep. No idea why, but super-stoner. I got it off Rachel Koh in exchange for Yoko Kanno. Cool right? Sounds like a cross between Blur + Paul Van Dyk. Stonerrrrr.......*grows moss*

love

+tsu waited for you at 12:14 a.m.+

Sangeki no Yoru

..........I'm an idiot. An absolute idiot. Only an idiot would stupidly open and watch a DeG PV in the middle of thr frikkin morning and expect flowers. URK! How could I have forgetten? This is one of their older PVs but in any case, tis sucks.

3 small words: Damned Creepy Asshole

tsu

+tsu waited for you at 01:24 a.m.+

Urk.

Listening to: Saiyuki/Weiss - Dancin' for your number

I can just imagine all the dumb jokes Auddy could come up with on the song title, o denwa bango nanban desuka *giggles*

Point: I need a new layout

Chinese New Year coming, I want pineapple tarts ^^ Curry was good today, woke up terrifically late into the afternoon. I feel like sulking tomorrow just for fun. Like, re-runs of Kasumi, Embryo and Goodbye topped with Kureinai and Life In Mono. I dunno. I like sulking sometimes ^^ Though Toploader's Dancing in the Moonlight makes me smile

Everytime I hear it I think of Bewitched and sparkles~

I think I want to grow my hair out long again
Cos now it's layered so I'll get nice curls and stuff
LOL, Shinya cosplayer look!

Went to grandma's house, tried my best not to be rude and antisocial, politely turned down my aunt's offer to make me a birthday cake (HORROR!) Imagine an ultra-creamy, extreme concoction filled with layers of wet sponge and mousse. Urk. Not a pretty sight. Then coloured icing and glazed sugar laden fruits.

I think this year I want a strawberry shortcake
Not those weird store bought stuff mind you
But REAL shortcake
As in fresh strawberries with creme patisserie
between layers of real victorian sponge
LOL

Does that satisfy your curiousity sis?

As in people and planning...I don't really know. With Natz and Neko gone, I'm not sure what to do. Last year was horrendeous but somehow ended up fine. Think maybe swimming, I'll pack a picnic and storybooks and sit by the pool. No one wants to come anyway. *shrugs* We could always do it on a weekend instead ^^

What about your birthday?

Re-read Magic's Pawn, which was pretty enjoyable and rather nostalgic-y , drooled over French Laundry and El Bulli, swore to myself to set up a total lifestyle shop/brand from exculsive food to cosmetics to clothes. Audy can deal with clothes, cosmetics can be done by roping in former classmates (KJ/Kim etc etc), food can be done by sis....Actually I've gotten most of it worked out. We start with clothes and end with .......recording? LOL.

The only business I won't touch in my LIFE is engineering -____- ;;;; My family has too many already.

Then again, I'm a dreamer

Hell, I've even gotten the most ingenious marketing plan ^o^ Then beeeeeeeeg beeeeeeeeeeg market that will make everyone happy. Ahahaha...101! No more no less!

Signing up for oil painting tomorrow, I'm going to call Dir en Grey Special offer folks and cancel my deal with them. Why? They're scheming money off me. Like, over $400 and I'm already a poor student so...yeah. Save on this and BUY A KNOT TICKETS!

^_______________________________^

You like eet? I like eet. I lurrrveee eet~

So we'll be devious!

Work tomorrow...MUST STUDY!!!

love
tsu

PS. look for sakky

+tsu waited for you at 12:46 a.m.+

Be afraid...be very afraid

Listening to: Dancing in the moonlight - Toploader

--WARNING: Please don't read this if you're hungry

You see, my sister has been educating me on food
It's not such a bad thing though
I mean, now my egg omelette is nicely spiced with paripka and tsuya, dashed with pepper and perhaps, Italian seasoning and it tastes -MUCH- better than my usual 2-step

But I'm turning into an absolute food-whore

Example, today we were at Kinokuniya (dad's credit) and was flipping through Gordon Ramsay's dessert book, here's an excrept of our conversation:

tsu: ooooooh! check out the mocha tart! It's so sexy!
aya: yeah! It looks so good....
tsu: It's like sleek and minimalistic...
aya: so smooth and just so perfect
tsu: yeah. Like, the crust and the mousse-like top
aya: It's so sexy!
*continues flipping*
tsu: check out the chocolate tarts!
aya: Oh my god! They're so cute and sexy!
tsu: I still think the mocha tart is sexier
aya: I like the chocolate tarts
tsu: It's the swirls right?
aya: yeah...Looks so good
tsu: Like ruffles or lace.

I mean, you know you're going nutter when you start scouring for French Laundry Cookbook (Thomas Keller) and going to Marmalade Pantry, paying a hefty $3.50 for a CUPCAKE.

tsu's thoughts on cupcakes:
"oooohhhh...so cute! Like lolitacon cupcakes! The cute white lacy creme cheese icing with those delicate silver balls~ So sexy! But the chocolate cupcake looks absolutely devilicious. Especially with the daube of white chocolate and cracked sugar edges"

I never thought I'll be rapsodizing about cupcakes

I think I owe all this to my sister, who somehow managed to turn me from a mismasher to a fairly decent cook. I never knew the difference between creme anglaise and creme franche, I didn't know that dill went with fish, or rosemary with chicken or what the hell bourdain noir was until she educated me.

*sinks into the black hole of money spending*

Now I actually buy her stuff, like hazulnut merenginues and delicate Japanese wagashi, discuss whether Jamie Oliver or Donna Hay is better and watch Anthony Bourdain and Delia Smith.

I think she taught me something really important
Like, the value of food
I can appreciate vanhorla chocolate just as much as I can appreciate Laksa now
The respect of ingrediants
Cos everything you put in your mouth has just DIED for you so you better make it taste good and worth it's death

Ahahahaha...I owe her that.

Hear that sis?

Okay I promise you the first thing I'll do with my paycheck is buy vanilla beans for you (creme anglaise ice cream!)

---------------------------

Ugrh useless renovation team came today to "fix" the windows. In which they broke a tile, mucked up the window glass order and did shoddy work. Urgh. I can't stand incompetence.

Got a haircut, it looks scarily like Shinya's but shorter. I think 2 months and I'll be able to pass off as a Shinya cosplayer. LOL.

Looks kinda cool though, but overlayered.

Helped my sis with her project, slacked/stoned my ass off in front of the TV, laughed at Ashlee(?) Simspon and translated bits of it to my mom (doesn't listen to music) such as "You make me want to LA-LA!" <---what the hell is that? Anyway, was fun, finished re-reading 19th century short stories and forced my mom to read Guy de Mussapant(my hero) story, aptly titled country life

I still don't understand Yellow Wallpaper though. Urgh.

Added more notes to my sis's lit text, I'm beginning to think Mr Armstrong isn't as good a teacher as I think he is. By GAWD! It's misreading! Not a point! <---- refer's to sis's unseen text question. Urk. I always thought he was a good teacher.

Went out with dad, bought Mantentai Loki 3 and Kitchen Confidential. It's in English. Audy if you want to borrow my sis is willing ^^ She says thanks for the first 2 books. Went to Toast (I love Marmalade Pantry), decor rockers and the cupcakes are superadorable and oh-so-sexy. It's like schoolgirls in skirts!

Went to Geylang for dinner, saw a disconcerting number of prosituites, and a bunch of dirty old men who were staring at me and my sis. What the hell are you lookin' at!? *glares* I think it's cos we look/dress differently from the people there. Anyhow, it's the best prawn noodles I've ever had. The broth was FANTASTIC. Flavourful, light and tasted of fresh seafood. Prawns and fishbones. I'll remember. And NO OIL or MSG! *gasps in shock* Amazing. It was milky but not oily.

Went home, watched TV (still looking for my damned song). I've narrowed it down to Rasmus, Good Charlotte and Green Day. It's one of them. The eyeliner says it all.

random note--> Kagerou's shibire kokoro piano opening rocks.

Next week schedule:
Monday - work and study(Math) and call DEG Special
Tuesday - work and study(Jap) and sign for oil painting
Wednesday - work and study (Jap/Math)
Thursday - Math tuition (Partial Frac.) + EL-1 JAP TEST!!
Friday - Finish up work. MUST.
Saturday - Go out with sis and eat + CNY shopping
Sunday - Meet Sak and finish skirt

I need to bank in my check as well as inform mom about dad's choice to replace my watch belt/whatever. I'm kinda confused why he's spending so much money on me. What's he after? What does he want? Is he trying to buy me? If so, what gain does he have by buying me off? Or am I being too suspicious?

*cancels the last option out*
Nah. He's after something.

It's like weird. First he comissions me. Then he's paying for my Japan Trip. Then he bought me a Cellini watch (I didn't ask) which is at least $31K. Now he's paying for my oil painting and buying me clensers. Tsu: WHAT?

He's usually not like this.
Which makes me wonder what he's plotting.
*is wary and on guard*
I'll rather trust anyone than him.
He stinks of cunning.

Anyway, I'm now on hyper-alert so if I'm particulary mistrustful or jumpy it's because of this. This whole thing just makes my skin ITCH and when it itches, it's a sign.

----Random moment of epiphany---
Clock: 2.47am
OH MY GOD I FOUND MY "3 YEARS" SONG!!! AHHHHHH!!!"

It's actually Twenty Years (I saw wrong cos he was doing funky hand-actions tt's why I thought rasmus) by PLACEBO! GO SEE GO SEE! THEY LOOK LIKE RASMUS/GREENDAY/GOOD CHARLOTTE RIGHT?

Preview: Here

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
I think they only look like Rasmus in that video though
Who cares?
I only like one song anyway
GO SEE
Just click on the "video" on the left side of screen
---------------------------

Anyway.
Back to dad.
"Somthing's fishy issa comin' up."

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 02:04 a.m.+

Maybe

Went out with Audy, did the usual stuff. She bought a nice light pink shirt~ Great, I need a long sleeve black one.

*sighs*
I don't know anymore

Talked to rosemary, something very interesting has come up. I'm still weighing the pro-cons, but I think it should work. I mean, everyone deserves happiness, and we've just sick of fate screwing us up. Hell! I should do something!

Gods I'm tired

It's really a perfect solution, the only thing is the "To what extent..?" How far do we draw the line? How far will my well, other be affected? Am I like, being...disloyal? I don't think so. It's a really neat answer to our problems.

If it works out, we'll all be happy. Auddy will be happy, Rose will be happy, I will be happy, *** will be happy and we'll all be finally fufilled (at least temperorily)

It's not like I've never done this before
It's just that it's more difficult to now

Right.

I think it's a good idea
Even if it doesn't work, at least we tried
and that counts too
but somehow...
I think it'll work
as long as we don't cross the line.
tough huh?

*is spiffily ambigious*

go slow in slow....
maybe I'm tired of waiting
who knows?

It doesn't change anything between auddy and I though.
I love her.
Thus because I love her
I come up with this
<--- is not a psycho pushy person

Plus all of us will be happy.

I'll think about it too.

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 03:00 a.m.+

I need a holiday

+tsu waited for you at 01:30 a.m.+

*sobs*

I can't do this.
I can't do this.
I can't do this.
I can't do this.
I can't do this.
I can't do this.

-mental breakdown-

I can't. I can't finish s-teki. I can't I can't I can't I can't It's all Sakki's fault because she called it It's not right because because.....oh god I can't do this I can't I'm scared too I'm really scared I don't want why why why I can't do this please please please

She didn't deserve it
Sakki was planning this all along
I'm so sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry
I can't finish this story

I know how you feel so badly
I feel it too
I just want to be loved more than any other
you feel it too don't you?
-- doesn't

i'm sorry for not finishing your story sayuri-san. I owe you so much more....Do they know that you're actually a real person?
When I see you smile
your hands reaching out coldly to clasp in mine
I smile too
through our tears
because this is the last time we will be together

And then then you pressed your lips against my neck for a second
And I think I heard you just once
Just once I heard you speak
"......"
And I just couldn't finish your story

All these nights you shared my loneliness
Our common sorrow and tears
and and....
I can't do it
I can't do it
I can't watch you disappear
I can't see you rest
to let you be forever in the garden where the nightingale sings at night and the moon stares coldly down from the branches of a yew tree

you never killed sakki
sakki killed you
i can't give you your death
i'm so sorry

i think i might have fallen a little in love with you

totemo

i've always known the ending
but i pretended i didn't
i'm so sorry sayuri-san

i don't want you to go
you understand that feeling right?
you were looking for it too
that's how you found me; how i found you
because we are so much alike

i know what you think of audy
but don't worry
something else has changed inside me
something else i've found
that-
perhaps i can live on now
no matter what
i cannot die
i have to see the sunset
that's what you said
when she left me
"let the sun die with your heart everyday"
i have to live

i can't finish s-teki
if i finish s-teki you'll go to the garden
i'm scared too
of all of them
raphy, veronica, sarah, kim jong win, pine...
i've always liked you best

please kiss me one more time
please love me too
i hold your clasped hands in mine
staring through our tear filled sorrow
your dead lips like ice
one final kiss goodbye

i don't care if you don't believe me
blogging is such a useless way anyhow
everyone thinks i'm lying
or dreaming
or faking it
or just fucking crazy
but i just needed somewhere to tell you how much-
how much you've been to me
how you taught me not to make the same mistakes

i'll miss you.

but then...oneday when the sunset stops dying for me
one day when the colours fade
and the vioces disappear
and the dreams and hopes are no longer
i'll be with you and everyone else
sleeping under the yew tree with the cold moon shining
through the boughs and the nightingale sings forevermore
in the garden of death

1975 - 1990
Keiko Shiwazaki(Sayuri)
For love. Always.

love yakusoku
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 12:27 a.m.+

Mreep

I think chantal lurks at the corners
I dunno.
Well actually I know
But ack
how can i explain it better?
Chantal is the woman in the house

I have a feeling that i'll freak aunty Iris out
I mean once she realizes that I'm not creative
that all I did was make a deal with Yura-sama
most people don't believe in supernatural
I try not to
-try-

I think I talk to myself too much
I feel like kissing someone
Anyhow it's working
talk about fic ideasssss
I just...
dunno

Anyhow, if I screw up now
or act weird you know why
yurameki period
How do I know?
today my eyesight refocussed again
I'm seeing bits now
Like lights and wind
Yesh. Wind

I felt wind today
<3 <3 <3 <3
I miss sitting on the ledge
I miss sitting there and watching
I miss people telling me to GET OFF before i die
I miss listening to wind
I miss wind

*sniffles a little*
I didn't realize how much i missed it...
the way it catches in your hand
the way it simply lifts you up without wings

*sulks a little*
*sits in audy's corner*
Ish a nice corner....

^_________T
I think I'm a little grumpy because of work

itte

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 02:48 a.m.+

Turn the vol. up

Listening to: newww! mp3s

I'm in lurrrrrrrrrrrvveeeeee......
*dies*
Have you heard the Scared Air mix for Sleepless Beauty?
OMG
It's so pretty it made me cry

Work sucks
I feel sulky and unloved and ignored by my colleauges
It's getting tedious and it's taking my yuramekiness
Why?
Because all my feelings of light fantastic disappear when I step into the studio
I feel like a caged bird or house elf
Even with music I feel soul-dead
cold
very cold
my hands get very cold
I don't like cold
cold

I don't have any human contact except with Kie
So lonely
and the mirrors scare me

*goes off to drown in music*

Went home and crashed, had a lovely dinner of curry (I still want moreeee) and then got invited to another art gallery opening. Art gallery: Utterly Art. Aunty Kie used to work there, small world huh?

But anyway, OMG THE ARTWORK WAS SO PRETTY!

And I met Kenneith (who is ghey) and his "partner" who run the gallery together. And they invited me again! Yay! I like them ^_________________^ Nice people. And the artist was pretty nice too~ My fave is the rose which costs 1,500 but at least cheaper than the Rossini table at 3K.

Erk I have homework to complete

So the day wasn't wasted after all.
I superlove the art gallery though.
And I can tell they find me interesting

o.0

Am I really that interesting? I mean if you ask Audy she'll say I'm boring. Cos like, we read astrology, buy tako, walk and go home. Everytime. How interesting is that?

I'm still kinda sulky though....I don't like people who just humour me just for the sake of it.

It's not very nice.

Should finish homework ne~
Bunka + C Math

love dai~su~ki~
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 12:36 a.m.+

swat

.............
this isn't a rant
more like a semi-dozenified useless ideas that couldn't happen because I didn't have the correct song as a key.

It's like sometimes
When you bring everything down to it
You just go: "HUH? WTF WTF WTF"
then you try again and again to make some sense of it
but somehow, it seems to defy the laws of logic/illogic
It just -ISN'T-
and everything just seems so
blishblash

pikooooo

I'm not stoned, I'm just well, aimless
Unidentified destination
tsu-------->Place
So yah
Yura-sama bring it on
I know I said how awful yurameki is
I know that lots of people are saying bad things
Some authors have totally dropped it
But yeah
As much as I absolutely detest nightmares
I do love you
I love the way I can fly and see lights
To watch the glitter of golden rain
like bits of shimmering scales falling down
of course, that's before the pain hits you.
^^;;;;;;;;
I'm sorry i said i hate you
I'm sorry for not being thankful and stuff
But you do come in the most inapporiate moments
Like, O levels.
-_________-
I think, I'll love you as much as I hate your forever.
Ahahaha...

donostatca babooti

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 02:35 a.m.+

Constipation = load of yurameki that can't move

Listening to: Corrs

I was going to post a fic today
But I couldn't find the correct mix of songs
In fact, my muse has specificly told me I need new music

So people, if you actually want me to write, PLEASE help me find the following mp3s:

1. Nightswimming- R.E.M
2. Come Undone - Duran Duran
3. I Miss You - Blink 182
4. 3 years (?) - The Ramsus [or i can steal from kor]
5. Beautiful Boy - John Lennon/Yoko Ono/Celine Dion

Arghhhh!!!! *gets bonked by yurameki-san*

Like ARGRGHHHHHHHH!!!

Downloaded more mp3s, and somehow, I'm addicted to Hungarian Dance no. 5......It strangely reminds me to DeG o.0 Like why would a 14 string violin concerto remind me of KYO?!?! So strange...

I still can't find my songs
I still can't find my songs
-_____________________-
This is annoying

I noticed a little pattern while downloading..
Trax. Trax. TRAX!
God I don't see what so fantastic about them..
And I tried getting the new poetry book songs (Kyo)
But all were geocities dloads >____> tis not work

On the other hand, I found some really cool stuff.
Like Godfather III's waltz, Hungarian dance and more PIERROT!

tsu <---pierrot fan now

Funnily enough, I don't find them cute. I listen to stacks of Merry and Pierrot but you're never find me buying their poster. LOL. Dir en Grey teh sexshay

Okay. I'm just ghey and pissed that I can't find my songs

*plays the Hungarian dance again*

I don't know why, but it sounds very familar..
Kinda strange considering it's MM that usually uses the whole violin string thing. But the sound synthesis sounds like Dir en Grey. URK.

I think Pierrot screws my head too
It's just a gut feeling
Might be yurameki-able
*prods yura-sama*
sou deshou ka?

Argh I really need to get my hands on those songs though, it's annoying. Like when I wake up in the morning I find myself hummming it. Walking home from work I start singing. And every other song makes my butt itch. Like -itch- to tell you to please change song and get that one.

And the only way to stop it from itching is to get those songs.

Even now, embryo is starting to make my butt itch. >___> Soon I won't be able to listen to Kasumi without a butt itch.

ARGHHH I NEED THOSE SONGS!

*whimper* meeeeeeeeep.....

PS. It feels like constipation.

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 11:32 p.m.+

ARGGHHHHH

THEY DON'T HAVE HARUKA X KANTARO!!! ARRGGGHHH!! WHY WHY WHY WHY?!?!?!

*gaoooooo* *sniffles*

Must I *always* write my own fanfiction to read!? Why doesn't anyone write Haruka x Kantaro!? Why must I do it!?! >___< I just want to read damnit! Not write! I want some nice Haruka x Kantaro SMUT! As in "Hot Springs PWP" is that so hard?! I'm not even asking for a multi-chapter + character building!

*wails*
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Damn damn damn...
Looks like I have to do it again...*sniffles*

*ish sad*

love
*very sad tsu*