Rumbles from Not Soi Distant times
Listening to: Nothing, my ears hurt.
Went to the doctor to get my medication, the usual stuff: Claryinase, Melluvolan...etc. I think I could be a pretty good doctor, since I'm able to diagnose myself. Whatever.
So I decided to talk to Kyou.
Kyou is sort of best-friend, sort of-everything. We don't see each other, we don't know each others real names, we stay out of each other's blogs and we hardly talk on anything else besides MSN.
Anyhow, she's a conseller/b*tch/buddy/everything, rolled into one. I go to her for Good Advice and How to Run My Life.
I don't know what to think of this. You decide.
Epiphanic converstation
Tsu: I need a life.
Kyou: You need to fuck.
Tsu: EXCUSE ME?!?!
Tsu:..........Am not.
Kyou: You promised. No lies.
Tsu: Fine. I admit it. I'm lonely and I have no one because I don't fit anywhere and my hobby is to paste stuff on my blog because I have nothing better to do than whine and hide in the bathroom.
Kyou: *applauds*
Tsu: -_-;; Honesty never becomes me.
Kyou: What you need tsu, is a Cuddle Buddy.
Tsu: Huh?
Kyou: Something like a fuck buddy, but instead of fucking, you're cuddling. Throw your affections to. Purely platonic though, just for hugging and sleeping on and maybe even kissing.
Tsu: I do that to my friends *shrugs*
Kyou: That's your fucking problem, right infront of you. They don't do back right?
Tsu: No, they don't. Auddy tolerates it, but barely. Neko you have to ask first and Sharon...yeah, sometimes she does it back.
Kyou:....I think you spend too much time with Auddy.
Tsu: Huh?
Kyou: It's a pattern you fuckshitter numbskull of a 16 year old. She doesn't like you back. So why bother? As far as I can tell, the only things that she does is provide jrock and say nothing.
Tsu: Hey, I like her ne. Don't say that.
Kyou: But it's partily true right?
Tsu: I like her.
Kyou: Does she hug you back? Ask you out? Introduce her friends to you? Been to her house? Tell you anything about herself? What do you know about her? And don't say astrology or I'll stuff it up your ass.
Tsu: She helps me with schoolwork, Add Math. And she's a nice person, and understands me.
Kyou: Tsu, I want to hit your head with a sledgehammer and dice with open with a 2-ended knife.
Tsu: whattttttt???!?
Kyou: She doesn't like you. Full stop. So why bother?
Tsu: Of course she doesn't, she's straight. Anyway, I never liked her that way either.
Kyou: I'm not talking about that dimwitted tsu-friend.
Tsu:........
Kyou: Sometimes you really are a kid. Why do you HAVE to, just HAVE TO go after people who will never love you the way you love them? She's got a best friend already right? She doesn't need you. She DOESN'T need you. Stop dreaming for a second and pay attention.
Kyou: Look, you're a nice kid and a good friend. I'm not going to talk about Auddy-business either, but she problably thinks the way everyone you've ever liked thought about you.
Tsu:..............which is?
Kyou: Crazy. Overtly emotional. Clingy. Dependancy problems.br>
Tsu: Then what do I do? I like Auddy. I like Neko. I like Sharon and everyone else.
Kyou: Join Morning Musume
Tsu: *sweatpour*
Kyou: J/K. But really, find someone who likes you and you like. You're in a fuckshit state, and you know it but is too delusional to realize it.
Tsu: I like Auddy.
Kyou: So? She doesn't think you're important in her life.
Tsu: I don't care.
Kyou: Of course you do. If not why are you so darn lonely?
Tsu: She's a great person, and she's fun to be with.
Kyou: But she doesn't care.
Tsu: How would you know anyway?
Kyou: Logical reasoning. If she liked you, she won't be pushing you away all the time. If she cared, she'll call you instead of you calling her all the time. Simply put: Inadequate.
Tsu: Maybe she isn't used to it, she isn't touchy-feely anyway.
Kyou: Stop being delusional. Stop justifying and defending her. Question: Are you defending her or defending the image of her?
Tsu:.......I like her.
Kyou: -unmentionable swearwords-
Kyou: In any case, think about it. Because you really need a friend, not to waste time on parasites or people who don't care. Who knows? Maybe she simply tolerates you cos she wants to rip jrock of you.
Tsu: I don't believe you.
Kyou: Don't believe or don't want to believe?
Tsu: I hate you, you know that?
Kyou: No you don't. You're just saying that because you don't want to hear it. It's just like last time, you said you hated me, 2 weeks later you're smiley and happy over the comp and glomping me.
Tsu:..........
Kyou: You're tired, sick and should get some sleep. Think about it, but don't kill yourself over it. Some people just want to be left alone.
Tsu: And she does?
Kyou: I wouldn't know. But yes, maybe.
Tsu: Oyasuminasai.......and no thanks for your version of cheering me up.
Kyou: I live to tell the truth! Night, sick angel of a kid.
-------------------------------------------
So what do I do now?
I like Audy, but I trust Kyou too. She's never given me bad advice and truth is........some of it is true. But I think Auddy is a nice person and a great friend. She's the closest I have to a best friend I think, besides Kyou.
Then again, Kyou isn't my best friend either.
I don't have one you see.
I have absolutely no idea what to do......If I take Kyou's advice, I'll feel unhappy but since she pointed out that I'm already lonely it shouldn't be a difference right? Arraghhhh........Doesn't help to think.
Okay, I'm just going to sleep.
Because I think I don't really want to know anyway.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 08:32 p.m.+
Listening to: Savage Garden
Literature Symposium was okay....Ran into hitches the night before, and I nearly died of a heart attack at 11.30pm when they told me they didn't have a knife! And it was a key item in the performance too!
Thankfully all went well, though Kristy forgot some of her lines. She was nervous before the play though, no wonder.
My props crew did a GREAT job! *applauds* Cheers to Brenda, Emily, Gladys, Denise and Auddy! FANTASTICAL!
Something funny happened halfway through the Q & A and it was purely unintentional.
It was the presentation before the performance, so I was backstage running about and not really paying much attention. The prose piece, a really wonderfully written one, caught my attention however. And so when I was supposed to "collect" the performers and move them backstage I just went up to the microphone and asked.
For some reason, people think it was a good question to ask because everyone congratulated me for asking it.
Tsu's reaction: Errr......I didn't do anything special!
I was just being my usual kaypoh curious self. I do that in class all the time! (Don't believe me ask Auddy, I'm the no.1 question/answer person)
The Nanyang presentation wasn't well done. I've read the Twelfth Night before but some people have not. First, they should have given an introduction to the story, eg. Basic Plot, Charas. Next, LANGUAGE!!!! "nice" is not a term we use in Literature. "Nice" is relative to what? A murderer compared to a rapist would be "Nicer". And a shoplifter compared to the said murderer would be "Nicer." LANGUAGE!!!! It was bad, no - worse- because it was below average in a synposium that was to promote the best.
Surprisingly, the Chinese High students did a fairly good job. They're presentation of "I'm the King of the Castle" was well-done and well-researched. For instance, they defined Kingshaw's suicide as a case of inadequately met needs re: Physiological, Pyschological, Security, Self-Acheivement and Esteem. Even better, they gave a fairly accurate background info on Learned Helplessness which tied together with Kingshaw's inability to live.
The only bone of contention I have to pick is their pronounciation and emphasis on how learned helplessness deals with self-fufilling prophecies.
----------
Went to Coranation, Mrs Low was nice enough to drive us there ^_______^ She was flabbergasted that it took me such a short time to learn The Language (tm). Amusing. Anyhow, she looked so cute on stage I might try taking stalker pictures of her. LOL.
Had a weird lunch with Audy. What was weird about it was that healthy and on a stairway.
We had blueberries, cereal (mine with milk), onigiri and mochi icecream~ Good~ I was kinda quiet and stoned though, though I didn't know why until later.
Apparently, I'm sick
Should've noticed the sympthoms actually. Headaches, lack of energy, hot/cold tempreture, sore throat and mild fever.
What was worse was that I had a family dinner that night.
Oh god, IT WAS HELL.
Also known as a degustation dinner, read: 7 courses.
And it was 4++ hours LONG!
I'm beginning to detest French food. Firstly, I was sick and that made me automatically irritated at everything. The lights were too bright, people were too noisy and the clanking of glass and sliver was just -annoying. The food came agnoizingly slow, big plates and small portions. Thankfully I ordered ala carte, so I ate 3 dishes instead of the required 7. The staff was amazingly polite however, and acceded to every whim and fancy. Spaghetti? No problems sir. Orange juice? Compliments from the chef.
I actually didn't mind the food too much, wasn't as bad as last year's monstrous dinner at Mortons.
Nibbled on bread, ate a little, drank as much water as I could and breathed while praying it would soon be over.
It ended at *gaspes* 11 O'CLOCK!
So now I'm coughing like an anime tubercolosis patient.
Dumb quiz time! stolen from neko
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 11:20 a.m.+
Tomorrow is the Lit play and Judith is pissed.
Not a good sign.
Actually this is an announcement to all:
I'm taking up fashion photography and I need people to model. As usual, I'll provide clothes, makeup...etc but I won't pay you. Why? Cos I'm poor and a student! Not only that, I have to pay to develop the photos. Therefore, no pay.
But if you're interested, email me at sumeragi_@hotmail.com.
Did something hilarious today, take a look:
Musume! Kyo~
Musume! Kao~
Musume! Shinya~
LOL. Have fun figuring out~
Watched some weird chinese show today, at first I thought it was dumb but then, when the lovers died I started crying! And neko was so bloody insensitive cos she was like "yeah yeah whatever."
Whatever?!?! They just died!
Okay, have a headache coming, night~
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 09:03 p.m.+
Listening to: Machiavillism-Dir en Grey and Morning Musume- Say Yeah motto to MIRACLE night!
Song review: Saku sucks. I'm just not too keen on bang bang garage music, sorry. Personally, Machiavallism is a WAY better song. Plus, it sounds alot like Shinya composition - repetitive drums, perverted guitars and catchy chorus that runs after a bridge and verse.
It's strange, but I think that sometimes when we get hurt, we forget that other's were hurt too.
Gomen ne, Sakky.
And I promised (at least to myself) to take care of you too.
I'm sorry I forgot.
Gomenasai~
We can be PATHETIC! together.
I feel weird, like twisted and pulled together into thinner and thinner strands, spinning wildly, different colours melding and tangling into something wholly - wholly what?
How the hell would I know?
So while I'm deluding myself that everything is fine and dandy, I'm writing again. Different things. Meaningless ones. Stuff that I usually don't write. Like -fragments of glass that caught the edge of sunlight and sparkled with the colour of octrine. Like - half-formed uterus and zygotes swimming with tails.
For Sakky.
------Random-------
Hey, look at me.
Can you see me?
I'm sitting on the parquet floor, dressed in school uniform, bag thrown carelessly on the floor, clattering. Messed up hair again, tendrils sticking to my face, pespiration dewdrops, glasses hanging limply off my nose. Music blares from the stero, loud and noisy.
You stand at the doorway.
Your face.
Swelling.
Always.
Again.
Your teacher complained again!
You're such a disappointment.
Why is your hair so messy?
Your teachers problably say you're lazy.
What did I do to deserve you?
How many times do I have to tell you!!
How many times....
You stand there, always. Your anger washing over me like a tide eroding stone, a tide eroding my soul, chipping off little bits until there is none left. Your voice rises to a raging cresendo, shrieking and screaming and you gesture into the air and then, you leave.
Always.
Wearily, I pick my bag, heavy with books, and toss it over the matteress. Shower. It's easier to give in than fight, easier for you, easier for me. Fighting? Fighting gives you nothing, fighting against walls.
I should be used to this by now.
Empty days, grey walls, monochromic existance on a purely survival level. I eat. I drink. I sleep. I breathe. All for the simple reason of existing without believing, without faith, comforted by endless dreams of hazy sunshine and sparkling dust. I know it. I expect it. In this world of mine, we move around each other, careful not to interfere, not to get too close.
Because we do not get close.
Intimacy is illegal here.
But everytime, every time it hurts again. Each new wound, slicing open, cutting and bleeding over the old one, torn keloids scarring again, melding and mixing ancient hurts with new. Staring at the mirror, I touch her in the glass.
Can you see her?
Chipping away into nothingness.
Open. Fractured bones, turning ash white dust, cracking on my face and bones, curses written in blood. Gashed. Lacerated violet skin mangled with ragged skin. Ripped wide, so broken and torn. Rupturing eyes, severed and slashed from lies and tears, veins sliced revealing green. Slit open zombie cadavour.
Look into my organs.
Always.
Everytime.
Always.
Again.
Tomorrow comes, I lie sprawled over the bed this time, drowning out the noises downstairs. The phone rings, once, twice, thrice. Insistently shredding the stillness of the empty house, forcing me to pick it up. False words. I drop it as soon as I can, lies slipping easily from my tongue.
You come again.
Your face...
Swell.
Rage.
Again.
Always.
Your stark disapproval.
I should be used to it by now.
But it hits like a knife.
A stab in the heart.
Feelings of despair welling up again.
Desperation that slams against you
Crying alone, inside, in the dark.
Your stark disapproval.
Always.
It kills.
And yet.
I'm waiting for so long.
Waiting always, in the stupidity of human hope.
For that spark...
----------End----------
Sometimes....
I want to do a genocide.
Waiting so long.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually consoling myself. Or her.
Whatever.
It's gonna rain tonight.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 09:05 p.m.+
Listening to: Egnirys Cimredopyh - DeG and Say Yeah motto no Mircale!- Morning Musume
Imagine you were me:
"Za!Ii!Shi! towa MIRIKU MIRIKU" Come on, cheer up tsu. Life ain't bad, come on baby~ Right yea? Right? SAY YEAH! Slice wrist is not a good idea, MIRIKU nai! Cheer uppy, you can do it. Smile! Think nice things!
I'm so sorry for being like this.
Went to school, I scored a record high of $53 000 for the NE Quiz, second in class, kekekeke XD.
Actually, the exibition was GREAT! I mean, -I- knew I did great job. Hell, the principal and Ms Teo told me I did a great job. Everyone said I did a great job. I knew it. But.....
I did everything I had to. Organize, delegate. Oh my GOD! The first 3 guests were hell. Everything was so messy, then I placed them into groups, sorted their duties, told them what to say, how to behave...et cetra et cetra. I, myself I mingled around, cirulated, solved hard to answer questions and yes, I knew I did a good job. I was diplomat extradonaire.
It was really good fun, I never knew that I could do so much. I mean, I never knew I could push myself that far. I really did like it, it's like my life's work or something. I love people, I love art (no matter how bullshitty), I love knowing how they think, how their face shows everything and the pleased look that they have when they finally understand the significance of the artwork. It's like a A-HA! and I'm so happy well, cos I could really convince them.
Proof of my Fantastic-ness: I SOLD 4 PIECES!
Mind you, 3 of the pieces were my work. XD or at least, my ideas and arrangement. Ms Teo bought "Mr Newsman: Work or Wank." Yes, it's a direct reference to Dir en Grey. LOL. Problably no one knew except me, Neko, Rose and a few others. Ms Teo asked me to sing it for her! LOL. It's actually a really good composition, and I'm really happy with it ^^v
The next one I sold was my favourite, "White Man running from Blue Sun". I don't know....It's like those stick african cave-wall type. LOL. I sold it to another artist, Danna. The last one I sold was to Mr Tan Wilkie (are you amazed yet?) He said he liked it! *gapes* He bought the Hokkaido Crab one called "Hungry Yet?" If you want to know, I came up with the titles~
I had stacks of compliments today. Most which were sincere, one of them, from another artist was really nice. He said I should take up art professionally, and if I wanted classes, he would gladly take me as a student.
I didn't know I was that good. *happy smile*
It was nearly euphoric, I was on my feet all the time and I had to make sure everything was running beautifully, answer questions like "What is the meaning of the mural?" I LOVE it. It was like playing chess games, you need wit and speed and coordination ^_______^
The best was when Mr Tan said: "Great Job."
It's like the nicest thing he's ever said. Usually he's scolding us on how disorganized we are, how implusive, how....et cetra et cetra.
Ah, savour the triumph.
Unfortunately, my mother had to put a damper on everything.
First thing, she comes late. As in an HOUR late when everyone is leaving and we're cleaning up.
Then she goes in, looks around and says: "That's all??" *incredulous look*
Final straw: She goes to Ms Teo and says "When can my daughter step down?"
I WAS SO UTTERLY PISSED
I was so angry and sad and hurt. I couldn't believe it! She was like...Did she even care? Arts Alive is IMPORTANT to me. If the principal, all the students, even myself, can be proud of it WHY CAN'T YOU BE? WHY? WHY WHY WHY??? Why must you complain that I listen to rock? Why must you pick on my studies and schoolwork? Why must you never ever take joy in my achievements? I'M GOOD!? CAN'T YOU SEE?!? I'm a student leader, a sucessful overachiever, I work in the school play, the humanities teachers think I'm an A1 student potential and they think I CAN DO IT. Why can't you do the same???
And then you had this clueless, lost look on your face.
Oh my god.
Then I had an epiphany, and I realized that you will never be able to understand me as I am or love me as I am because you don't know and -can't- understand.
And then I started crying on to Rosemary.
It was so terrible.
I was about to sob, weep, cry, wail and bawl everything up over Rosemary's shoulder with Ms Teo watching and everything so I took a deep breath and counted to ten.
Then Ms Teo, suspecting something started talking to you and then you went "I think you did a great job." HOW CAN YOU? YOU NEVER SAW IT! You only think so because other people think so and you think they're right. Of course, you think it's sincere because you're so ignorant of yourself. Are you even self-aware???
I didn't know whether to pity her or cry.
*sighs*
Where's my MIRIKU now?
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 09:08 p.m.+
Listening to: Lolita no.18- Video Killed the Radio Star!
This is a damnably addictive song. In fact, it should be considered illegal cos it gets you high and hyper. *dumdumdudmdumdum* VIDEO KILLED THE RADIO STAR!
I just bought 3 CDs for myself, there by being broke for the week despite the fact that this will be a killer week. Ugh, I don't want to think about it~
Ahaha~ It's because of THIS
Read the comments~ ^^
I was so curious I just HAD to find it. Or buy it. And then somehow I ended up buying 3! I'm buying Gauze -30*somethingsomething*, AXTV and TAIWAN PRESS CONFERENCE!. Sorry, I'm kinda high on sugar cuttlefish chips and VIDEO KILLED THE RADIO STAR!
^_________________^
Oh yeah, I'm making another pair of specatales cos mine are highly stractched and broken. Ahaha~ The new pair will be....PURPLE! Then again, mine has always been purple~ Okay, gonna get off before my okaasan yells again.
Ja~ love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 06:40 p.m.+
Listening to: Filth!!!
I'm beginning to like the original version. For some sadistically evil reason.
Woke up for the A Math paper which was disasterous, terrifying, horrible, mind-blowingly hard, and just...crappy. It spoiled my mood the whole day.
It looked like it was going to rain, so I decided to call my mom, after all, she was prolly doing nothing.
Her excuse: "My car will get wet. I'm studying. Don't bother me. And I'll be late cos I need to dress up."
Tsu's first thought: FUCK YOU. I HATE YOU.
I don't know why, but it hurt. How could anyone value a bloody CAR so much? And then 5 mins later claim that they love me? Like every (other) fucker in the universe, they didn't care.
It hurt. Really.
Yada yada, she says she loves me, what utter rubbish. How could she love me if she couldn't be bothered with me? How could she love me if she doesn't know what I'm doing? How can ANYONE love someone they don't know? It's sickening.
Is that what love is nowadays? Just a word to be flung about like peanuts?
She doesn't know me any more and sometimes, I feel like a stranger in my own home. She thinks that my fascination with music is wrong, she doesn't care that about what I do in school, nor does she feel pride when I do a good job. When I got promoted to Vice-President of Arts Alive I was kinda happy, and can you guess what she said? "Don't let it affect your studies. Remember you have exams". She doesn't notice that I've cut my hair until I -bugged- her. I almost wished she scolded me, at least then she cared.
She doesn't love me.
She loves the 5 year old baby self of mine.
She doesn't want Tsu, what she wants is that 5 year old, 6 year old that resides in her mind. She wants someone else. Someone she already understands because she can't be bothered to understand the new one.
I hate you.
I hate you because you made me cry on the bus on the way home, I hate you because I thought maybe you of all people could love me unconditionally. I hate you most of all because you broke my heart.
Good riddance to humanity.
I've offically disowned you.
My family now are my friends, the people in my head and wherever I can buy love. Who cares anymore? Fuck you, I'm sick of it.
---------
I really wanted to go somewhere. Anywhere but home.
But I have no where to go.
Because no matter who you are, what you are, as long as you're a kid, you have no rights at all.
"All kids' have no rights".
That's true now, I can see it. I'm a slave to my family. I can't die because of them, I can't live because of them. I can't die because it will "affect" people. I can't live either because I will "affect" people. So what's the poimt?
The point: Stay Alive until you're out.
Damn human isolation.
Damn little rubbishy islands.
You know what?
I wish I don't care anymore. But since I can't, I'll just leave.
Take a final bow minna-san~
Exit stage left.
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 04:33 p.m.+
wa-a-a HECTIC! aa-a-a HECTIC! gu-u-roi HECTIC!
Listening to: Dir en Grey- Umbrella
This week is FRANTIC.
Let's start with Wednesday:
School was unusually sleepy on that day, I think it was the rain's fault. The sky was pouring and it was quite cold but still within comfortable amounts. We had a Science Pratical (Physics) Test after school and man, it was hell. He scolded me because my graph "wasn't smooth enough" and was being a nitpicky pain in the arse. I wanted to take my nice and pokey 0.3 mechanical pencil, stab him hard. I wanted to slit his throat with a glowing splint, and watch him sutter and sqeak. I wanted to stuff the bloody torchlight up were the sun doesn't shine.
Finished it as soon as possible, ran down for Arts Alive. Settled most of the important stuff eg. people at PKW, when, where, what time and most of the stuff that was nessescary and pressing. Went home at 5.45pm and changed to go for Spiderman 2.
The problem being I had errands to run.
Left the house at 6.15pm took 174 to Somerset, and went to the police sation to lodge a report on the loss of my Walkathon card. The movie starts at 7pm SHARP. By the time I finished with everything it was about 6.35pm and I was about 3!!! bustops away from the cinema.
I RAN.
RAN. RAN. RAN. RAN
I jaywalked about 7 streets, ran the red light 4 times and nearly got knocked down 2 times.
Amazingly enough, I reached there within 10 mins!!!!!!! *gasps in shock*
Now, I really suck at any sport. It seems that only extreme situations then I can really run and run and run and run. Thank God I was in time for the show ^^v
It was so good! Some of the scenes were straight out of the comic book, and the opening sequence was obviously done by Steve Ditko and Stan Lee. Great artwork! The camera effects were well done too, I liked the refracting glass effect and the transitions were so smooth I had trouble recognizing them.
The acting was well done too,in particular, Dr Octopus. He made me cry! Spotted the "egg", which is Dr Joseph Conner, who is Peter Parker's lecturer in the University. He later turns out to be Lizard, one of the villians. Pity Parker eh? His best friend is the Green Goblin, his idol is Dr Octopus and his mentor is Lizard. Next thing we know, Scarlet Witch turns out to be Mary Jane!!! (that's a joke btw)
Happy with the directing and cast, even though they overdid Peter's wimpyness. I wish they would add Gwen Stacy in though. If there was a Spiderman 3, this would be who I'll put in, along with Venom as the villian.
Either that or Osbourne x Parker sexual tension!!!!!!XD XD XD
Ate sweet tofu, straight from the packet and some other stuff. Got hungry you see ^^ Went home and dropped unconcious to sleep.
Thursday
School was schol, Neko reminded me her birthday was tomorrow, Auddy bought the red cardboard (Thank God!) and finished Idoru which is a fairly normal book. It's not super-good-fantastic but it has interesting nanotech ideas ^^Plus I particularly love the cover.
Went for tuition and fought a lengthy battle with Intergration. God, I hate it. Battling furiously with dy/dx, shedding blood and tears over dumb trignometrical functions and worst of all, obscenely hard limitation/boundry questions.
THREE HOURS WORTH OF WAR.
Cold when I walked out, it had been raining for the past few days and the tempreture that night was roughly 15 degrees, there was also a sharp chill in the air and it was dark already, which made it all the more worse. Hurriedly went home on the 855 with my stomach growling like a hungry animal on prowl. I hadn't eaten for the last 8 hours except for a measly sandwhich. *sighs*
Went home, and began dinner when the phone began to ring >.< Rosemary. Not her fault really, but I was kinda pissed and kinda hungry and so I quickly dealt with her then wolfed down 2 servings of dinner. Finished dinner at about 9pm then I started baking.
Thank God I chose something easy to make for Nekoichi's birthday.
The first batch was botched, so I couldn't give it to Neko. The second and the third was perfectly fine, and I watched The Apprentice to kill time. It's about 10 mins per tray, and the Super Large Smiley Cookie (tm) had a tray of it's own. Wrapped everything up into a container and didn't bother writing a note. Too tired. Washed up and finally went to get some sleep.
Friday
Gave Nekoichi her cookies, HAPPY BIRTHDAY OMEDATOU!!! *super glomp* ^______________^ I hope you liked the chocolate chip cookies~!
Class was okay, managed to pay attention, gave Ms Yue (aka Mrs Khoo) a cookie and digressed an interesting English lesson. Left class early with Mrs Low to go Nanyang Secondary. We're having our rehearsals there and I was supposed to talk to the various teachers regarding the rules for backdrop, stage directions...et cetra et cetra Auddy and everyone else was coming later by bus along with the Precious Bamboo pole.
LOL, Mrs Low is a TERRIFYING driver.
I saw her speed limit go up to like, 150 km/h on an expressway.........*sweatpour*
She has a really nice car though, walnut finishing and all
And Niva, or Nivadita had a really interesting RGS (rival school) to tell. Apparantly there was an incident a couple of years back where an RGS girl stuck a boiling tube up her vagina. *sweatpour* And DURING CLASS!!!!! The tube apparantly broke, and the glass shattered -inside- her and she died before reaching the hospital.
Okay, I knew they were sick, but NOT THAT SICK!!!!
Moral of the story: Don't die an undignified death
People started flooding in when I opened the door. Somehow, the auditorium's door was locked from the outside, and could only be acessed by the inside. Good thing I went to look for them then ^^ If not they would be waiting outside for hours.
The rocking chair was a bother cos people kept on sitting on it and breaking the arms especially this super-fat-ass teacher in charge Ms Chia who broke it 3 TIMES!!! *gets irritated* I mended it thankfully, and hopefully it won't break again. The telephone booth had a different problem. I miscalculated that we only needed one pole, but we actually needed two. So I dragged a table as a temporary stand while Emilie came up with this BRILLIANT concept of using leftover cardboard to make stands. I left it to them and helped Audy and Gladys fix the phone in.
Result: IT LOOKED GREAT~!
Arranged the stuff about, talked it over with Judith about directions and stuff, added the finishing touches and final repositioning ^^ YAY! ALL DONE! Gave the crew a break since they did such a fantastical job.
Unfortunately it was Youth Day celebrations so nothing was open, but we did explore the school a bit and it was HUGE. Nothing compares to Chinese High of course ^^;;;;;; Even their own students get lost in there.
Watched one of the run throughs and damn, it was bad. Even I could tell that it was bad. Judith was pissed. Gave everyone a shelling outside and finally, she calmed down. I mean, I get it. She, as well as us, we're all under alot of pressure because we're performing for a group of 900 or more and it's especially bad for her because she has such a -desire- to succed. Sometimes, she forgets about tact and well........but in any case, she'll do a good job whether you want to or not.
Which is why I'm freeing the Props crew to only myself, Denise and Gladys. So that all the rest can join the extras to form a larger crowd.
So okay, busy weekend too.
I'll try, I mean try but I might not be able to finish writing anytime soon with a hectic schedule like this.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 06:13 p.m.+
Listening to: Umbrella + Hades
Woke up early(!) because my mom's handphone rang and shrilled at 6.30am in the morning. God, it was awful. What makes it even worse is that it was a HOLIDAY!
Fell back to thankful sleep ^^ I slept at 1am so it was much needed.
Woke up again at 9am and finally decided to actually get up by 9.30am. Yawned, stared at the sky and it was a lovely shade of stormy grey. Not only that, it was cold and windy and dark and wolf-light-ish. Yay~ Gloomy mornings are just way cool. Called Audy to remind her/find out if she was going to school and made toast for breakfast. Bacon cheese and nutela + peanut butter. Delicious.
Audy's dad picked me up so I didn't need to take a taxi! Yay to Mr Leong~! (I'm sure you're going to heaven sir.)
Lagged it to the shed and started cutting it up. Actually, to tell the truth, I had no idea what to do. I mean, theoratically it should work, but whether it worked or not was a different thing altogther. Built a rocking chair which was spray painted a -disgusting- shade of green. It's not grass green or moss green, it's this weird plastic-y looking green except that it's not really shiny. In fact, it's sort of dustbin green.
The phone booth was much prettier, a nice firehouse red except that I miscalculated the stability of the cardboard, so I'll have to reinforce it with a bamboo pole. I'll just borrow one from the Girl Guides, besides, Gen Siew is still offically my friend/aquaintance and since we have a relative history together, she'll lend me stuff.
Finished about 1pm therabouts ^________________^ We only took 3 hours! And I flunked D&T too!
Went to Far East and bought another book! It's called Idoru and it's about Digital Ages and Cyberwaves and screwed up Japanese realities with toe-cutting torture. Wahhh~ So cheap! Only $4! I'm really happy with it, and I'll lend it to Audy cos she was the one who spotted it.
And the cover has BLUE FISH~ on it!
Walked over to Taka, went into Kino and bought yet another! Ray Bradbury book. It's called Driving Blind. Lovely purple cover book, except that books don't usually come cheap, so it's about $12++ for it. T___T Damn. Ran out of cash to buy icing for neko's birthday >.< I'll get it later in the week or something.
Intro-ed Audy into the joys of salty monodonyaki, which is a kind of fried Japanese noodles with lots of sauce and egg and cheese. It's like, super super salty and looks disgusting but tastes absolutely heavenly~ <3 <3 <3 It's cheap too, and pretty filling~ Yay~ Great stuff
Walked to HMV, wandered around as Audy bought her "Kyo" badges and we have FOOL'S MATE!!!
*rant*
OMG WHAT DID KAORU DO TO HIS HAIR!!! Ahhhh!! He looks like Die and he looks so terrible why the hell did he have to do that for??? And why does Shinya have the same hairstyle as Kyo from Blitz!!??? It's the Lion-I-Just-Woke-Up-from-Bed look!!!! WHYYYYYY!!!???? AND WHY DOES DIE LOOK LIKE KAORU???? IT'S WRONG WRONG WRONG!!! NOOOOOO DIE = EVIL MURDEROUS PERSON!!!!! AND AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! KYO HAS METAL BRACES!!!! HE LOOKS LIKE SHINYA WITH A SIDE PONYTAIL!!!!! WHY DID THEY SWITCH HAIRSTYLISTS!!!!?????
*end rant*
LOL, Kagerou looked damn good though~ And every guy was on F9, E8 and D7 today ^^v
Went for tuiton and finally understood transformations. My non-isometrics are still kinda...skewed though.
Hope for tomorrow's test!
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 09:53 p.m.+
Listening to: various
Ahhhh!!! Finally my siblings that stopped singing that disgusting ringtone of my brother's. -_____- It's not just annoying, it's SUPERBLY annoying >.< In fact, it's so bad it shouldn't be even considered music. More like noise pollution.
Went for PKW (note: not Arts Alive, which means I go down to Little India solely to show how devoted I am to doing a Good Job (tm))
Really fun ne~ Stuck addresses.
Then became really horrified when I realized who we were inviting. French Embassies? Australian High Comn? HDB? Ministry of Info and Arts???????? Singapore Press Holdings???
*gets jitters*
Finished up with it pretty well. Cut the collages up until they looked half-decent. There was a really funny one called "White Man Running From Blue Sun". Came up with fairly questionable titles. There were traditional names too, like "Poiseinttas by the River" and un-traditional ones (read: questionable) like "Mr Newsman : Work or Wank?" Quite fun and went downstairs the gallery to place it up.
OH MY GOD I CANNOT SEE STRAIGHT.
My alignment was soooooooo wrong and soooooooo unstraight. Terrible. Laura had to come and help me straighten it until it looked perpendicular. There's a lovely theme running through the collages and I think it was quite good ne. The first is a sinister theme on BABIES! PEOPLE! Sort of like a "what if?" scenerio. The second was about what else? Drugs. Death. War. Blood. The works. XD The first arrangement was more spacey compared to the clustered second. I liked both equally but my fave frame has to be the White Man Running From Blue Sun and Yearbook 3016 ^^ The first is really funny and it has a sort of African Stick Man on Rock Drawing through it. Primal-ish. The second looks kinda sinister, mainly due to the way the frame captures the picture. If you've watched Battle Royale you'll know what I mean ^^
Finally finished everything by about 4pm-ish and Laura was really nice and helpful with her suggestions ^^ I'm definitely going to ask for a budget increase.
Took MRT to Dhoby Ghaut and got really hungry. Now, Orchard road has great food but it's particulary mean to the poor. The food looks great, but it usually costs a bomb. I mean, it's like $3.50 for a sandwhich, or at least a dollar. So I walked into Carrefour in hopes of buying a cheap tub of icecream, then I saw.....
SUPER CHEAP PIZZA FOR $3.90!!
It's like EIGHT! slices for $3.90
Tsu's mind:
Breadtalk costs: $1.40
FRESH bakery: $1.00
The Cake: $0.80
Carrefour: $3.90 divided by 8 = $0.50!!!!
Man it tasted good ~~ ^^v
Got my food and I had to force myself not to devour it right there and then like a kid~ Sooo delicious~ Either that or I was really farkin hungry, which is prolly true because we didn't have much of lunch, nor breakfast and damnit, I'm a growing kid.
Took an MRT to Toa Payoh and bought the stuff needed for the Literature Symposhism. Unfortunately I didn't have enough cash eg. OVERPRICED CARDBOARD! It's $3.90 for PAPER. With that money I could buy 8 slices of Mackeral Otah Pizza from Carrefour. Disgusting I tell you, really disgustingly overpriced.
Went home, thankfully the rain stopped. Took a looooong shower and prepared to change to go out with dad. He wasn't being overly obnoxious which is good cos I was really tired and still thinking about budgets and stuff.
Bought another Ray Bardbury book! It's called "Death is a lonely thing"
Haven't really had time to read it though, but I flipped through the first few pages and it was really good ^^ I like him!
Went for dinner and drank alot of water. I wasn't really hungry, how can you be hungry after eight slices of pizza? Went home, talked to my sis about Tuscany and thank god I'm not seeing him next week.
I don't know.
Rose seems to think that I worry too much about exams for no reason.
Well, I don't.
I just can't seem to make her understand how important is it for me.
Everything I say seems to be wrong.
She says she understands but she doesn't.
How can she?
She doesn't seem to feel the pressure that I feel. I need to get 10 points, not simply just to go Japan. I need to prove myself that I can do it, I need to meet my mother and Mrs Alex and Mrs Low and Ms Chow and everyone's expectations. I need to succeed
I'm so scared of failing/doing badly that I'm having panic attacks.
I'm so scared that I'm on medication
How can she understand?
She doesn't understand that I'm scared that my results will be affected by my feelings. Does she know how it feels like to be f*cked over by your own father? Does she understand that because you don't want to be f*cked over that's why you work so hard to prove yourself? Does she know how it's like when people EXPECT you to succeed?
Everyone keeps on saying how smart you are.
Everyone keeps on saying how much potential you have.
Everyone keeps on saying you can do it.
What happens when you don't?
I'm so scared of failing.
Does she understand all this?
Most likely not.
We're really different in that sense. In some ways, there are things that I would never talk to her about. There are things that I would never say to her, never let her know. It's not that I'm underestimating her, it's just that our backgrounds are too different, and personality-wise, we don't have that kind of unsaid understanding which I rely on.
Okay, I'm ranting but this has been going on for a while and I'm kinda pissed about it.
Back to nicer stuffs.
I'm halfway throught Differdere 02# and Interlude: I, so it'll take a while. Next week most likely, because I have to come up with a Kaoru x Shinya too ^^ I promised after all.
Love and G'dnight
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 10:24 p.m.+
Listening to: Dir en Grey and Scenschel
Okay, now I know for a sure thing that stoning isn't good for me.
I'm gonna see if I can cut down on the dulcreium or something.
Or I'll be a wacko stoner.
School was alright, Youth Day Celebrations. I have a gut feeling that the teachers were having more fun than we were and halfway through, the noise really got to me. That was when I reached the highest pinnacle of stoning + medic and turned into a zombie. Okay. Oversimulation. Avoid at all costs. Went to for a walk away from everything, drank some water and saw a squrriel. See? I have control!
Went for Chemistry Pratical and I swear one day I will kill her. She was so mean to Audy! I wanted to pour concentrated acid on her face and see her skin melt and disfigure. Finally finished the pratical, and went to Orchard to pick up some stuff.
Far East was okay. Which means, Far East was being Far East which means filled with too many students, filled with too many people our age, filled with too many pretty looking people all dolled up in short skirts and bright smiles and highly annoyingly cheerful colours, which also means that while everyone was bedecked in grotesquely clowny colours and some hanging off boyfriends I was carrying a bag as big as myself and my hair fropping all over my face looking dirty and messy. Whee~
Found nothing at Aya's Workshop, everything was too expensive and they didn't have Dir en Grey stuff. Hopped down to Shibuya and Auddy bought a lovely card-thing for me~ It fits my wallet!!!! Yay~ 24/7 of staring at Kaoru, Shinya and Toshiya ^___________^ Now I carry them wherever I go! Apologized profusely for being such a stoner and planned to throttle my shrink the next time I see her. Then Audy wanted to go HMV so we walked there.
Yes people, we walked.
Someone bought Kisou albumn T_T damn I wanted it too~ Didn't have anything new, just another copy of The Final single which I don't feel like buying. In fact, I don't feel like buying any single cos what I really want is the albumn with The Final, Saku, Machellivism and everything else inside. Whee~ and the money shall go to Feed The Shinya Fund. Checked out Mise Xclusive and the Dir en Grey stuff was sold out. I managed to put my name down for any new shipment though~
Then a really dumb incident happened.
Let's see, Audy and I were talking on the escalator. Talking about the usual stuff eg. toilets, dirty jokes..etc when suddenly she points out that a certain guy sitting *over* there has really nice hair. Like this:
*Guy*-----distance-----*tsu* + *auddy*
Then we walk down to the ground floor when I decide implusively that he's a)Hot b)Looks enough for Kaoru c)Really Sexy. So I bugger Auddy to follow me, like this
*Guy at 2nd floor*
-------distance-------------------
*audy -___-''''* + *tsu ^___^* //escalator UP//
So she reluctantly went up with me. While she was pinning that damn pin of hers aka The Nazi One I caught the guy staring at us. Us, I think. Even though Audy says it's me not us. Anyhow she does her business and we go over, like this:
*guy*-*tsu*-*audy*
So I walk up to him and tap his shoulder ^_________^ and asked him...
"Excuse me but where do you get your hair cut?"
Tsu's expression: ^-^
Audy's expression: -_-;;
Guy's expression: "........."
Friend of Guy's expression: 0.o ;;;;;;;;;;
I swear I'm the first person to come up with such a pickup line.
Then he went "Uhhh...Bishan...err."
And Tsu went "Which part of Bishand?"
He: "Eerrrrr...near the MRT Station."
Tsu: "Hey! Maybe that's where neko gets her hair cut"
He: "........"
Tsu: "I want to cut my hair like yours!"
Then I twirled around and flounced off with Auddy in tow.
Kinda funny bus ride too.
I *DO NOT* sneeze inwards.
Auddy says I giggle like I'm wheezing or something. Does it mean that when I'm wheezing it sounds like I'm giggling? Then she tried to make me stop laughing but it just made it worse and I missed the St Martin's stop. Not that it really mattered. That place isn't nice and furnished anyway. I just go there for peace. Since everyone wasn't at home eg. Mom = School Sis = Concert and Kor = Out w/ Friends so I was left nice and alone.
Great ne?
Promised to write a Kao x Shinya for Neko's bday gift~ ^^ Yay~ KaoShin! Okay. Work time.
Random info: Ms Chow was really nice to give us the badges, I have one with a ribbon!
Quiz stolen from Audy
Lonliness dominates you. You can hide it well, but
its there, and your friends can see it. You
constantly feel alone, and need to do things to
fill your time. Your afraid to tell people
this, but sooner or later it gets out in a bad
way, and you think you screwed up everything.
And when you are in love is when you are sad
the most. (Please Vote)
What Emotion Dominates you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Morpheus
?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
And yes...The Long Await Disorder Results
| Disorder | Rating |
| Paranoid: | High |
| Schizoid: | Low |
| Schizotypal: | Extreme |
| Antisocial: | High |
| Borderline: | Extreme |
| Histrionic: | Very High |
| Narcissistic: | Low |
| Avoidant: | Moderate |
| Dependent: | Extreme |
| Obsessive-Compulsive: | High |
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- | |
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 10:53 p.m.+
Singing really loudly to: Umbrella and Boogie Woogie.
I'm a total disaster.
Really.
Now that I'm offically schziotypal I suppose it won't make a difference.
*ish not planning to show her terrifying quiz results*
Maybe I should just get locked up or something. I had like...err...3/4 highs and the rest Very High and the only one that was low was Avoidant.
Feeling survive-y. I'm really trying to hold my act together. Really. I'm trying very very hard to stay sane for O levels, I'm trying very hard to behave normally and pratical. I'm trying really hard okay? It's just that for me, being normal = stoning. I'm not sure what else is there that is normal.
Today's classes were alright I suppose. Alright. Not brilliant, just alright. There are many times I wish I could crawl into something soft and warm and silky and sleep forever cocooned in there. This weekend -feels- troublesome. I mean, I think there's going to be trouble over the weekend. I hope my dad doesn't come this week. If not, I'm pretty sure I know what the trouble is.
Read finished Oscar Wilde's Ideal Husband. Somehow, I have a gut feeling that like Getrude, I suffer from the same fallacy. Ideal Husband. I suppose all women place their men on a magnificient pedestal only to find out that they're just us human as us. The mask falls. Faults are founded. The love dies, love dies in ruin. Love dies from lack of acceptance. Love? Dead love.
I think.......I think I do that all the time.
That's why I always feel so disappointed.
It's not really disappointment, but I love intimacy. Physical affection and all~ It's as if I want it so much but people are so afraid to give it. Are they afraid of being hurt?
I love people.
I don't think I love them so much now.
It's not really about being jaded, being cynical. It's just that rejection sucks, y'know? They always say no no no and then they tease you and when you finally pull away they go "Oh how jaded people are nowadays" and I just wonder.
I don't really have a best friend.
I suppose it's because I don't really trust people very much.
Even the people I like.
Isn't it rather amazing? Most would immediately think that because I love everyone, I would trust them. Well, I don't. I mean, I love my friends...but....they hurt me too and.....I'm kinda *censored* and *censored* and what happened with all the other supposed best friends was that I *censored* and it really sucked. I mean, 7 over times? It's my fault too for being *censored* and I suppose one day Auddy will hate me too for being *censored*
This is the first time I'm censoring my writing.
Forget it.
There's no point in analyzing and analyzing.
The only thing that should matter right now is doing O levels, finishing 6 years of teritary education and staying (read: running away) from The Family.
God, they should make a reality TV out of my family.
It's even more vicious than any other show.
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 11:35 p.m.+
Listening to: S - Dir en Grey and Savage Garden
Tired.
Very very tired -____-
Okay. Nice day. Woke up in the morning and it was pouring buckets of rain. I LIKE rain, except that what I really like about rain is so that you can sleep right through it. Neat huh? But I reluctantly got up anyway and prepared for school.
School was school. Amazingly boring set of classes. After the wonderful English class, we had a succession of really *yawn* classes. Like, PE. Chemistry. *dear god* SOCIAL STUDIES. Very boring. It was so bad I nearly fell asleep during double Literature. Part of the problem with Chemistry is that I learnt that way ahead of everyone else, so I can't help feeling bored. Alkanes, Alkenes...etc. I know them already. >.< I'm more interested in carboxylic acids now.
Went to Little India after school and realized we had a reception to hold. So me, Rose and Sak walked around Little India for 2! HOURS! going in and out of every restaurant. I mean, EVERY. Some were really nice, like the lady from the Food Palace thing and the man from Komala. Then there were those who were not only rude, they thought they could get away with daylight robbery and ripping students off. A samosa for $1.20 ?!?!?! So insulting. Not only that, they treated us like kids! Of course, there were great people too~ I did most of the talking, since a)I looked like a small kid b)Everyone likes small kids c)Everyone likes small polite ribboned kids.
One of them thought I was still in Primary school!! -__-
Anyhow........finally came to a semi-decision. Went back to the gallery to double check and triple check. The filming for the interviews didn't go well, and the Sec 2s were bloody irresponsible. Then Sophia started throwing her temper because they wanted to leave by 6pm. They didn't seem to realize that we've been walking for 2 hours straight while they were filming in a nice air-conditioned space. They didn't realize that they WEREN'T the only ones who stayed till 6pm. And also were bloody inconsiderate.
Spoilt. Annoying. Sec2. Brats.
Bullshitting through the interview, ran through a final check at everything. Okay, need to go gallery on Saturday 11pm. Sometimes I think my only duties in Arts Alive is producing artistic shit. Stuff like press releases, interviews, talking to people, giving the proper answers to questions. Honestly. That's my job. Producing shit.
I believe that this comes naturally when you're an Arts student.
Eg. ART = BULLSHIT.
Dragged myself to the MRT Station and travelled all the way back to Toa Payoh to buy white cardboard but the *&^% bookstore was closed and DAMN IT ALL! So I can't buy any. *gets pissed* And I was going to do everything by today too.
Went home, sat under the tap and stoned. I love showering. You just sit -there- and let the water pour all over you like waterfalls. Sat there until I turned wrinkly and prune-d. Had dinner. Now I'm trying to finish all the backload of work.
Social Studies = Essay. History = Notes. E Math = Worksheet. Claire's art homework, theme = Slip (stupid right?)
Tomorrow I have Chinese class after school and prolly A Math paper as well. Somehow I have to think of a way to do everything at once. Somehow I will survive.
Okay, I really need to start working now.
love
very tired tsu (alliteration)
+tsu waited for you at 08:02 p.m.+
I'm so screwed it's almost not funny. I just realized that Arts Alive takes up more than it's usual sh*tload of time when I have to move EVERYTHING by one day to do it. Watch.
Wednesday (tomorrow): A Math exam, now taken over by Arts Alive
Friday: E Math test and tuition
The amount of times it clashes with my timetable is amazing and I STILL HAVE O LEVELS TO STUDY FOR DAMNIT! I mean, I love AA but I have EXAMS! That will determine my future either as a roadsweeper/toilet cleaner at Zepp Tokyo or manager of Sun-Krad. T_____________T So Rosemary, can you for once stop trying to make me feel guilty for not turning up???? Your first piority as a student is not to lead a CCA, it's to STUDY.
First day of school was okay, met everyone and jumped on some of them. Okay, my hair isn't too bad. I get called everything from Takeshi Kaga to Morzart to Napolean to Gackt to The Teacher From Yami no Matsuei Book4. Except that they never say that I look like Kaoru T____T
Kinda fun, kinda nice ^^ I really missed seeing some of them like Neko and Sharony and Melissa and Audy too. I'm glad we're still in the same school cos people tend to be busy and forget about everyone later. As much as I understand it, it doesn't make life easier.
Oh yeah, I will be on semi-hiatus due to exams
I'm actually so scared that I've started studying already and doing my work o.0 Usually I don't care but now that everyone's buckled down and all, I think it's time for me to study right? I've got to grow up and make descisions too.
I'll try my best to finish all backload fanfics. Every weekend, I'll update the chapters ^^
Love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 08:16 p.m.+
Listening to: Macabre-DeG, Shidemo no Boogie Woogie-Miyavi, Wildwild summer-Flipper's Guitar
Okay, perfect forumla for writing Toshiya x Shinya is offically Macabre + Shidemo + Tsumi no Batsu. Good ne? I came up with other combinations too, but for other pairings while finding the right one for this. Next songlist I need is one for Kaoru x Shinya. Maybe I'll try Hotarubi + Garden or something.
Isn't it strange how music seems to unlock things for me?
Dunno.........I always felt kinda strange when people commented on how I look. So when my least favoruite relative (note: LEAST) comments that I look like my stepsister I feel not only offended but kinda well....hurt and insulted. I mean, it's normal I know to feel like this and yada yada but rationalizing it doesn't seem to make it any better y'know.......Arragh. I hate this. I'm not supposed to feel like this. It's stupid.
Back to nicer stuff.
The school holidays are ending, but I finished most of my homework except for humanities. *sighs* Yuck. Essays. I'm glad to say I finished my math homework, with the exception of that math worksheet which audy hasn't given me. ^_________________^ While I know I look st00pid, I'm just planning to live with it and hope that by end year it'll look okay.
Oh yes, this :
Diffidere #01WARNING=NC-17
Don't hold too high an expectation. It'll take a tremendously long time to finish since I'm fairly busy. Also, I haven't really plotted out what exacatly to do with them. I mean, I know up to chapter 2 but that's it.
Okay stop pyschoanalyzing your own charas, it makes you seem dumb.
[EDIT]
Stolen from Audy's blog.
schizotypal
Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla
Okay came back from my grandma's place and had too much yam cake~ Yummy though....My mom is behaving strangely but that's fairly normal. Okay. My life is boring cos tomorrow I have school and I'm not looking forward to it. In fact, I so totally do not want to go back to school.
Except that I wanna see Auddy, Sharon and Neko but that's it.
Blergh.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 04:32 p.m.+
Listening to: Macabre-Dir en Grey, Shidemo no BoogieWoogie-Miyavi
AARRHHHHHH!!!!!!! Frick it!! *cries hysterically* I can't write!!!
It was supposed to be today I finished up a chapter for Diffidere and when I sat down to work I started running into glitches. First was my bloody music choice, because since it was Toshiya and Shinya I should pick something that they wrote right? Logically it would be Raison d'tre and Egnirys Cimredoyph and Umbrella. BUT IT WAS WRONG! And it totally ruined the moooooooood *wails* So after much searching I came upon the formula of Macabre + Shidemo. Like, after 20 playlist revisions.
Then I started writing, I managed about 4 paragraphs before realizing that it was a shitty beginning so I rewrote the ENTIRE beginning. Then www.dictionary.com screwed up. Then my brother came home and it SO TOTALLY broke my concentration *explain to me how to write -those- kinds with your brother around?* It just made me nervous and paranoid!!!!!
Now I HAVE NO YURAMEKI!!!!!!!! *die*
So neko was online, so I wanted her to review and tell me what's good and what's bad since audy wasn't around but she was busy and I sank even lower and now I don't have a beta reader to rant at I'm dead!!! *hysterical again* It's not good!!!!!!!!!!! ARRGRHHHHH!
love *AJGFHHHHJJHJJJJHHHH!*
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 09:23 p.m.+
Listening to: Du le Quartz- Lily for You, Savage Garden - Carry on Dancing
How do you like the new layout? XD XD Shinya looks like a...a...hmnn....a social escourt ne!? *giggles* It's in his eyes~ Has the "Please rape me cos I'm sexually frustrated and acting innocent" look in them. Honestly, he looks really sexy and cute in this. The bodouir-esque background just helps in my opinion.
Too bad I don't have the PV for this. Or do I? Can anyonee identify?
Oh yeah! I just cut my hair (by myself again). I wasn't trying to look jrocker-ish or anything but now I look like Kaoru with curly bangs or a rather patehtic looking version of Gackt from Au Revoir. I tried to cut a fringe, which worked, but my hair curled! *gapes* so now I have this weird looking curls dangling infront of me. Hopefully, it'll grow back nice and proper. Oh, I have to buy clips, cos the hair annoys me. *blows* POOF!
Don't laugh if you see me in school okay?
It's enough to know I look fairly stupid.
And since I did it 35 mins ago, my mom is going to YELL when she gets home and sees this. LOL.
She's really going to flip because now I LOOK LIKE A BOY!!! XD XD.
Anyhooooow....Diffidere. Right. I'm going out tonight at 8pm with my mom for a gala dinner for Spiderman2 Piermere, so I can't upload it tonight. So, I think you'll be able to see it on Sunday afternoon or something. I've got bits of part one done. I'm not sure what kind of ending though. It's a 5 part series (definete). Heck, it might not even have a proper ending.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 01:27 p.m.+
