*squeesigh* <--- my new expression xD
there come soft sunshine after soft rains
like clouds that drift past moonlight and night
that taste of kissing dawns and rosy light
there come soft rains again with soft goodbyes
that bring out softest sunshine
I'm actually pretty happy now xD
Like:
OMGZ! I MADE MY FIRST SALE!!!!
and
I MIGHT GET A JOB AT CLUB 21!!!
Okay so I'm stressed and tired and PW took up so much time, and running around 36 floors/steps/staircases is exhausting and I honestly hate to stink but.....I'M HAPPY!
It's unbelievable what a sale can do for you. And it was unexpected and after my workhours too. I worked an extra hour I think, to get the sale. *deep breath* But it was definitely worth it desu na~~ So satisfying
I really want to work at Club 21.It's like dreamjobohoh-OH- kind of feeling. Never gotten a job in the fashion industry, I'll be happy even to sweep floors darnit. Plus...it's Club 21! Represents brands like Yohji Yamamoto, Issey Miyake, Indivi, DKNY, Calvin Klein and Armani. As in the stuff that Seishirou-sama buys! <3<3<3 It's ridiculously fangirly but....*wibbles* I might get to meet Seishirou lookalikes! <3<3<3 *fangirls* Ooooohhhhhhh.....*dieshappy* Suave, sexy with killer (pun intended) looks and a smirkity smirk.
Fangirling aside, I really do want the job. I don't really believe the whole James Blunt "You're Beautiful" thing - if it was actually true, people won't be insecure and feel inferior. In many ways, being beautiful is like being rich. People want to be beautiful, compete with each other over beauty and try all sorts of things to get there. The essence of fashion is - transformation. You don't need to be beautiful, you can even feel ugly (hey, I do) and acknowlege that your arms are big, your legs suck and god! Are those really pimples? But...that's what fashion is really about. It's not just self-expression, but where you can transform and unveil what you've never seen before and always had.
Like the way a blank canvas is just a painting done in white. You unveil the canvas to see the painting.
It's the same concept.
Let's say you feel fat and ugly, and sure, big hips really suck. But when I dress you in a full skirt, swingy with movement and you can *twirl* and feel pretty - it's not so bad is it? You see in the mirror how you can transform, and I can see it too. You smile, and I feel like a magician. To make people smile, to make them see what I see in them - that glowing richness of humanity - is just wonderful.
You could say I'm absolutely fascinated with people.
I might not like some, but you can't say I'm not interested.
I just want people to see what I see
Colours of muddy flaws and glowing richness
To get what they deserve
I've never believed that someone can be absolutely beautiful (though Seishirou *almost* reached it) but I don't believe anyone can be absolutely ugly either.
I admit though, I'm the type to wear oversized shirts 'cos I feel dead-shy about my fats (existant + non-existant). Sometimes I don't want to believe that I have the potential to be beautiful, sometimes I feel terribly ugly because I'm surrounded by such genetically gifted individuals. But I wear my skirts, and I feel happy in them even if I'm not totally happy with myself yet.
I don't think I'm the only one afraid to be beautiful
I'm sure there's millions of people like me
But...even if I can't realize it for myself
Realizing it for others makes me happy
*squeesigh*
--------
Was just wondering about doublethinking today. I'm definetely a doublethinker i.e. think 2 seperate and contradictory thoughts and realize it without realizing. Like the way I dissect my classmates. One level I simply think they're idiotic and self-absorbed, at the same time I worry over their opinions and know that the first one is wrong. BUT! I still think they're idiots anyway. LOOOOL.
Contradictory behaviour!
Dunno whether to apply for Lit S or not. I worked hard for it, true.....but it's going to take up loads of time. Then again, I really like Lit, so I problably won't mind.
Iffy....
And my econs isn't the greatest thing either.
I'm a pratical person. Theories (like MRP) just doesn't make sense to me at all. If you gave me something -real-, like a proper spreadsheet or something, I can do it. You ask me to explain hows and whys and what nots I really can't.
A little pissed at Graham's attitude
But it'll pass desu na....
Urgh I can't believe I helped him score an A for Brave New World because I gave him my point on anti-utopia. *hits self* And it was a really beautiful point too. How neither civilization (BNW or Savage Resveration) can be considered utopias because the Savage denies himself of pleasure (which is human) just as much as the BNWers devote themselves to it. Thus, both are show the inhumanity of civilizations, or rather, the extremities of it and because of that, it achieves satire as ultimately, none of them are a utopia.
Forking hell, it was such a nice point too.
I just feel so used because after he got his A, he just ignored me.
*sniffles*
Mmnmmm okay, shall go for nap now.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 02:11 p.m.+
So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to say
Love can be so boring
Veritcal Horizon is eating my soul. As in chew, swallow, down the oseophagaus.
I don't know what to say anymore.
I've done everything I could.
But you still _can't_ care
Even when I'm down, you can't just pick up the phone
and ask -
are you okay?
The truth to be told
Whenever I hear that song
I think of audy.
It's horrible to be trapped in a time
Where you wonder always whether the other person loves you
Since he/she never shows it.
I'm half dead and barely existing
yet.......no calls, no texts, no nothing.
It's almost as if
that if I'll stop calling and searching
she'll just disappear
because she never looks for me
ever.
drama over.
go home.
---------------
I'm beginning to think if I work
I never need to get online
It helps that I'm so busy I could drown in it
Sink. Disappear. Falling into rabbit holes
does Alice know, which rabbithole
how falling feels, with flying skirts
wells of blackness and floating chairs
calling calling
Peter Rabbit to come back
running chasing following down the twisty rabbithole
'Help! I'm falling!' but too late
so tell me what Alice knows.
Got back some of my results
Lit: B (61/100)
Econs: O (37/100)
Art: A (84/100)
GP: unknown (31/50 for essay)
CL B: pass
Overall, I get promoted. Whoohoo? I don't know. I still can apply for S paper, but I don't know if I really want it. It will change me from an already-no-lifer to an absolute-no-lifer. To do or not to do....hmnn.....no idea actually. I don't really mind not being there, I don't really go out much except with audy. But even then, she's busy with chalets and stuff, so she doesn't really need to see me I guess. So if I waste enough time studying, I won't even need to know I have an ultimately pointless life.
Then again, I really like to sleep. Hmnn
It's unreal how many people think I'm supergirl and stuff. Like today, I was late for school I nearly cried. I couldn't take it anymore. It was like LAST STRAW. Like fuck! I just explained to you why I was late, because I was busy packaging cookies for the school to fundraise and I had to work. So if I'm a little late, in which I am hardly EVER, cut me some slack please. *sighs* I'm not superhuman. I bleed. There are days I can't take it. There are times I want to give up. There are times I just want to blast the universe et al to smithereens because so many people are fucktards who take other people for granted.
One good thing about being tired:
You're always too exhausted to actually be angry.
Like, even now. If something was to happen, I'll just give in and go "okay okay", "it's fine", "don't worry", "issa alright" because I'm too tired to be actually angry. I don't want an arguement, I just want my hair to dry so I can sleep.
Argh. Tomorrow there's econs lect + tutorial.
And I really need to email that woman.
Well.
Life is a fat circus in which the only winner is the God watching.
And he's going "ahahahahahahaha"
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 12:19 a.m.+
sweet dreams are made of these
who am I to disagree?
Am very pissed at my classmates. V_E_R_Y.
I didn't go to school and wasted my entire Sunday baking cookies
Only to find out that on MONDAY, they decided to cancel it because they didn't have enough time
WHAT THE FUCK?!
*screamsyellsthrowstantarm*
YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME?!??!
Nope, they DO have time. It's just that they're lazy, self-absorbed asses. Right. I'm being mean and generalizing here but I can't help it. It's just irritating that I spent so much work on it, only to have it cancelled because they cannot make it in time. I wasted my Sunday (when I could be sleeping) and my Monday (where I could've been in school). Since I've been missing so much school, my form teacher actually called me up(!). ARGH ARGH ARGH.
*hates CJC*
deserves to rot in hell.......
Work was surprising fun~ Ran up and down 3 blocks of flats. I didn't manage to sell anything, but it was an interesting experience. You get doors slammed on your face before you can even "hello" (one guy from the other team got this really bitchyrow of flats, like 10 doors slamming), you get dogs barking the bejesus! out of you (there was one woman who owned 5! dogs), you had your Chinese immigrants, your extremely poor, your supercreepy etc etc. It's a very good eyeopener. Like some of the places I went, I felt so bad cos they were interested, but too poor to even afford a TV because their husbands/sons have no jobs, and they live in this one room place. *feels bad*
lobang (hitched a ride) on my colleague's car. It's so weird to call them colleauges though......It's like everyone speaks mandarin/hokkien anyway, and I'm picking up on their singlish. Didn't bother with seatbelts and wah! Speeded down the CTE at 220km/h xD xD He drives even faster than Mrs Low! The scenery was moving so fast, I took a peek at the speedmeter and it was going at 220km/h and going up. I'm kinda surprised we didn't get saman (ticket) cos there was a couple of police on bikes.
The moon was so pretty tonight you know? Full and white with grey craters (also known as mares) Makes you think of the word: nightmares, I wonder, is that where it comes from? The darker grey patches on the moon? Cloudy and pretty. It's so bright you can see the halo around it, like a slivery shining aura (hyourinmaru).
Everyone seems pretty nice in Starhub. Some of the people are really young, and the age ranges from 15 to 24. Interesting desu na~~~~ It's pretty obvious that we're all from different background. Most of them are N-level grads, or going to take N levels. Some are polygraduates and a lot of them speak hokkien/mandarin and here I am, english-speaking JC student. ^^;;;; It's just so strange that in school, where everyone is more or less the same, is so mean and rude to each other. Wheras among them, even though we're all different, we're polite and helpful to each other. I mean like, there's this guy who only has P5 education, but he's nice and helpful and just wants to marry his girlfriend. And he's so much nicer and more responsible and HALF the people I know, poly JC or otherwise.
Maybe it's not so much our education, but the generation we grew up in. Less drive maybe, less need to succeed and work hard.
Interesting to work here anyway
And I get LOTS of exercise running up and down stairs
LOOOL, I might actually end up being fit after this
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 12:26 a.m.+
Mou~
Natz's scared too.
*sighs*
I wish I could help sometimes, and not keep on running away.
But I'm so useless desu na
Learn so much, I still can't help anyone
Not even myself, much less others
Hmnnn...Nat? you could try this:
Naumaku sarabatata gyateibyaku
Saraba bokkeigyaku
Sarabata tarata senda
Makaroshada ken
Gyakigyaki saraba
That's a fire spell of purification desu na~ Also known as the mantra of Acalanatha Vidya-raja, the wrathful aspect of Buddha in the Shingion sect. ^^;;; Don't ask where I learnt it okay? It works, that's all you need to know. Roughly translated it goes: "Pay homage to Buddha or begone, leave or be punished and purified, destroy, Oh Wrathful One, turn away and begone!".
Smiled till my cheeks hurt, I don't like photos desu na. They creep me out slightly. Baked cookies, smell like butter, sugar and vanilla essence. ^^;;; So sleepy today....
Tenjo Tenge is suprisingly nice to watch, but I think it was too short desu na. Even though Maya and Shin are cute, I don't like their personality (despite the nice and shiny sliver/purple hair) I just dislike people like that. Aya is WAY COOLER KZ? XD XD XD And Souichirou pisssed me off. Stupid stupid punk. I wish they focussed more on Aya though, Maya is damnable irritating after a while. Serious. Once the chibi trick wears off, she's whiny, annoying and has an incesteous relationship with her brother.
Better sleep soon, tomorrow I have school and work.
I don't really want to go desu na...but then
There's christmas shopping to do, there's outstanding expenses as well.
*sighs*
Maybe it's just this week....everyone seems to be feeling down lately. *hands out cookies* smiley! :D *looks at everyone* okay okay....I'm exhausted too. I'm just hoping this week will hurry up end. I'm so tired I'm snappish and crankier than usual, and it's really difficult not to lose my temper when some idiot makes an insensitive remark. Like, pin drop! tsu explodes.
Basically, I'm not going on MSN.
If audy or neko or someone says something really rude and insensitive
I'll just explode
And I hardly do that, so don't be resentful
I'm not the spittle-fight kind
I generally don't fight with my parents, teachers or whoever
But if you piss me off this time, I'm not gping to bottle it up and chew it, I'll STOMP you for a change.
Right, warning's over.
*gets chocolate*
Sou deshou..........
No one would really care if I was gone anyway
My sister thinks I'm annoying
No one calls, sms-es, hugs or cares
I'm really tired of giving.
okay, nights. Tomorrow is work/schoolday
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 02:46 a.m.+
FUCKFUCKFUCK
I forgot to go for the mawaii trip talk!!!!!!!!!!!
*diesdiesdies*
It was on Friday! 2pm! LT2!
FUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCK
1.Washi paper.
2.Cookies + cupcakes for Tuesday
3.Mawai trip!!
I just don't want to waste the 100+ hours of voluntary work I put in just to see it all go down the drain
FUCKFUCKFUCK
And I missed art class this week too ;____;
Must remember to call Mr James
Agrhhhhhh NYAA (National Youth Acheivement Award)
It looks GREAT on my record but so much work *dies*
I think if aunty Magaret really gives me the job at Club 21 I'll take it so I won't feel so stressed desu na. Selling clothes is infinitely easier than memorizing 10020984874 saving plans. Plus, it looks good on my resume.
Fuck lar.
I'm really stressed.
Sometimes I wonder how I'm going to survive it.
I can plan, alright
But doing it is infinitely harder
It's just so stressful sometimes
Besides all this gunk, I still have Editorial and Drama
Editorial is going to want that stupid writeup on Open House
And Drama will be wanting me to do their scriptwriting for next year's Youth Award Performance thinger. I mean, it's kinda obvious from the way Mr Augustine Chan buggered me to join. They want me basically work for them.
This sucks ;____;
They don't even pay me!
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 12:39 a.m.+
I'm feeling stressed desu na
*sighs* Sometimes....
It's like almost as if I'm like some sort of wondergirl
Have to do this, have to do that, have to deal this and that
It's just tiring.
I keep telling myself it's okay
Because one day I'll get stronger and then everything will be alright (God I sound like a frikkin anime chara)
But the truth is, I don't really believe in it
I just do things because I have to
Like Christmas shopping.
I'm just tired.
I don't want to think. I'm tired of taking charge.
Why must I make all the difficult decisions?
Even choosing food is difficult for some people.
*falls over*
But you know what? In the end, I'll do it.
I'll clean up after all you people with a broomstick and a pan.
Because I just can't stand seeing all these ugliness
And I'm a little disappointed with audy.
But even if I tell her, she won't listen desu na.
People are like that.
I'm too tired to think
I'll just keep ficcing for tomorrow.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 11:09 p.m.+
Meh. Long entry. Some of it a little fuzzy ^^;;;
Thursday
Dragged myself out of bed at 8.30am, went to school and started work on PW. I'm beginning to think I'm the only person in the world (re: IDIOT) who actually bothered to buy a file and bring the rest of the documents. *sighs* As usual, only one member of my group turns up. It's almost like it's my project now, not a group project anymore. And I think in the end, I'm going to feel damned pissed when Glen takes the marks he doesn't deserve.
Bite dust and chew, they say. Some sacrifaice.
Anyway, added another 100 words to the damned thing only to find out that she didn't(!) save it and so, 3 hours of work lost. *sighs* I'm just unlucky na~
Raced to Northbridge Road, and went for training. Lots of stuff to learn, starting work on Monday. Honestly, I dunno how I'm going to squish all these information on my head. So. MaxOnline programmes, Cable programmes, rebates, invoices, free gifts, installation dates etc etc.. *dies* So . Much. Work!!!!! On the other hand, it does sound like fun, and the pay's decent. My real reason for joining is a)beef up my resume and make me eligble for roadshows, exhibits, etc etc b)learn how to take in rejection. This isn't a particulary easy job, door knocking, and I tend to take rejection rather badly. What better way to train myself up than to encounter dozens of doors slammed on my face? :D
"FANTASTIC!" *smilesmile*
So. Anyway. Finished training at 5pm++, took a taxi back and tried to sell it to the taxi driver! xD xD He actually gave me his number! Cool right? I guess I'm not a bad salesperson after all.
Went home, bathed, changed and rushed to Bugis to meet audy. Me <3 my fluffy poufy skirt! xD xD Had dinner, was late for the first act, but I think everyone enjoyed it desu na~ The acts were slightly different though. Like, there wasn't the act with the father and the red dancer. On the other hand, the last time I watched it didn't have the same parts either. Was drunk and happy! Saw the smexy(!) clown who looked like Tatsumi and <3<3<3~
Went home, tried to stay up but Sakky and I were dead tired deshou~ Gave up around 3++am and went to sleep.
Friday
Woke up around 3pm, and hung around in sleeping wear to watch Sousei no Aquarion! At first I thought it was Age of Aquarian but it's actually a different series na~ It's actually a pretty cool anime~ Kinda like an Evangelion ripoff but more fun. LOL...Weird Pervy Transformation sequences! xDDDDDDDD The "first time" thing still makes me giggle insane deshou~
Had a terrible headache, and fever. My mom was really worried cos I looked quite ill. >___> bleh...horrible really. Used some breathing exercises to minimise the pain, then concentrated on finding the middle.
Saturday
Went out lunch with dad, not so bad. Chocolate Raspberry cakes ROCK! Anyway, will problably be going Indonesia in mid-Nove to visit the mines. ^^;; I've never been to an iron mine in my life deshou! Should be quite fun to play Indiana Jones. Went to Orchard...Was so forgetful desu na! I so totally forgot to get the washi paper, but I did remember to get my clipboard and clearfile for Monday. Audy forgot the time though....sou deshou ne. *sighs*
I think sarabata sounds way cooler than sayonara.
xD xD Either that or I'm getting more and more indoctrinated into formal-speak. LOOOL~ I mean, it sounds absolutely gorgeous to speak formally. Like, myourei. It's so pretty it almost sounds like a name deshou?
Watching Tenjo Tenge, which is basically big boobs + big hair. Kinda like Bleach + King Of Fighters, LOOOOOL! It's fun though! The opening song reads like ParaPara complete with hiphop muzik! xD xD
Will problably ficwrite tonight,
Happy Birthday Haruka!<3<3<3
------Quizes Stolen from audy
|
INFJ - the counselor You scored 9% I to E, 0% N to S, 47% F to T, and 36% J to P! |
|
Your type is best summed up by the word "counselor", which belongs to
the larger group of idealists. Only 2% of the population share your
type. You are so empathic that you often know what others need before
they know themselves. You are a complex person who can deal with
complicated issues and people, almost prefer to, as you love problem
solving. You can be something of an idealist or perfectionist, and
should try to take yourself a little less seriously. You are a supportive and insightful romantic partner, encouraging your mate to have dreams and work hard to make those dreams come true. Because you are so creative, you have a wealth of ideas to help them toward those goals. You need harmony so much that you are driven to resolve conflict quickly, as long as the terms don't violate your ethics. You feel the most appreciated when your partner admires your creativity, trusts your inspirations, and respects your values. It is also vitally important that your partner be open and emotionally available - in other words, that they be willing to share themselves completely. Your group summary: idealists (NF) Your type summary: INFJ |
You scored higher than 10% on I to E
You scored higher than 0% on N to S
You scored higher than 49% on F to T
You scored higher than 27% on J to P
| Link: The LONG Scientific Personality Test written by unpretentious2 on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test |
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 07:17 p.m.+
I'm dead. Like sooooooo dead *diesdiesdies*
Got back most of my Econs results today and OMFG AHHHH! I swear, if I'm lucky, I'll get an 'O' (which is technically a fail since I'm taking it at A standard.) I need like...at least a 15!!!! in essay to get an O pass or I'll end up having to take subpaper. ARGHZ ARGHZ ARGHZ.
*watches any hopes of Lit S fly*
I can appeal to take Lit S though, they say Mr Glagscow is vunerable to *wibbly!puppy!eyes* moumoumoumoumou~ *looks pitiful* Hell, he let 3 people with E for lit take S, should be possible na?
Oh yeah, funny news: My cousin is in the same class as my ex gf xD xD xD
It's just I did so badly for Econs ;_____;
*sighs* ah well, can't change it can I?
Just have to study harder next time.
Really tired, so I'll just list stuff.
Yesterday
-went job hunting
-3 interviews
-Went to the first one, and it was by Starhub. I GOT THE JOB! XDDDD So now I'm selling the In-Tar-Net
-Second interview was a mistake.
-I thought it was retail, (the advert on paper said "Bridal shop setting.") but it's actually modelling *gags* NO WAY.
-Last one was a tuition thinger. Regret. Feel like got cheated. Ah well. *sighs* at least I have the starhub job
Today
-disgusting Econs result
-very disheartening
-found out my name is KIVed for Mawaii trip. Am pissed.
-am now in charge of CIP bake sale, write proposal
-have to write Written Report, 3000 words.
-have to do Presentation.
-very tired
Tomorrow
-bring one bar of soap
-9am to 12noon Project Work
-1pm to ??? Starhub training
-6.30pm - 9.30pm Quidam
Friday
-have to bake cookies
-make banners for bake sale
-settle PW last-things
-ask Steffi about editorial
Saturday
-I'm hoping to slack
-going out with audy
-problably end up at home with no life
sunday
-Mom's family photothing.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 07:45 p.m.+
*twines fingers nervously*
I'm worried desu na
Some people are scary
[began code-language]
In advent of anything unsuspecting, one must always have a plan B desu na? I just don't know if I can carry it out. And I can't let my feelings get in the way. It's unprofessional. Besides, giving up on paereto doesn't mean I shouldn't start on other things. Y'know it's like the wheels keep turning anything, the whole destiny-is-calling kind.
I'm worried at what I'm seeing
'tis Not Good
A Self, however mutable, has motifs and patterns
and I'm afraid I might've accidentally let loose a virus
and I will not let anyone tear what I've worked so hard to build.
No one will take it away from me.
Even if I have to tear myself to pieces to do it.
But you see, here's where you ask yourself:
Is it worth it to protect that dream if you're going to kill yourself to do it?
*weighs options*
I could always do what Kadaj did, and find a Reunion
But a subsituite will always be compared to the god
And that's unfair
The only way to rid unfairness is eliminate emotion
I just don't know if I have the capacity to do that
I just have to stop feeling
If I can just breakaway from it
It's irritating to know you gave it all up just for
Well, for you know
And you end up kicking yourself years later going
Fuckfuckfuck
Because by taking that risk (which you didn't have to)
You're damned to hell and hellions
And really, self-destructing
It's only a matter of time and YOU KNOW IT
*hates the feeling*
I guess it's time to stop believing and start something
Some people are just born unlucky I guess, lol
[end code-language]
Skipping school and jobhunting tomorrow~
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 09:42 p.m.+
Listening to: Vertical Horizon
*lolls over*
*lifts eye up lazily*
*closes again*
BLERGH.
Saturday
Woke up at 12noon, and promptly rolled over to smash the alarm clock and catch another 15mins of sleep. Then I missed the bus. Then there was this Awful Jam. So I texted Audy that I'll be late....Guess what?! She was going to be late too! So we were late together...does that make us punctual? LOL
Watched Tim Burton's Corpse Bride, which is WAY OUT COOL! The plot drags a little at times (you want to hit Victor HARD), but the sheer beautiful animation and the absolutely gorgeous OST makes you just so......in there And when Emily had the butterflies scene I just started crying y'know? Not the loud crying, but it was so beautiful, so moving, so infinitely touching that I couldn't help but cry. *tears* ;__________; so embarassing though, cos I ended up borrowing tissue from audy to blow my nose *blows* ^^;;; so girly right?
Had Subway, went shopping....Oh the damage! *diesdiesdies* Bought a shirt, *another* tartan skirt (redemption is that I don't have a turquoise one yet ^^;;) and 4(!) CDs. So okay, they were second hand, but it doesn't help that it costs a lot. *sighs* Total damage: $80ish
Went home, slacked the daylights out and fell asleep.
Sunday
Woke up JUST in time to meet leXis, had lunch at Pasta Cafe, bought a sliver wig and met up with Tessie for icecream. Walked to Dhoby Ghaut and they taught me how to Para >___> The flashy lights are distracting, and I can't seem to hit the sensors. It's like desperate!slam!sensors! *panickpanick* Suprisingly fun, though I failed loool...Played about 4-5 rounds, went to Spotlight, bought materials for shikifuku (yet another $31.90) and stoned at the foodcourt. Really tired desu na...met LC and other people.
How should I say this? I like them, and I like them not. I'm okay with it, but I can't really relax around them because a)I'm either a paranoid junkie b)they're different I mean, we meet up once every 6months or so. Have enough history to coexist comfortably, but not enough to really relax and I was just so _drained_ that I cancelled dinner with Tessie. I just kept on having to watch myself, unconsciously and it's just tiring desu na.
Went home, conked off and woke up for dinner.
Otherthings
Skipped school for today and problably tomorrow. I'm looking for a job now. I think...because of what I am, and how I was brought up as a kid, holidays don't feel like _holidays_ unless I'm working. I've been working in all my holidays since 11, and it's just weird if I don't work. Like wrong o.O;; And since I'm not going back to work at dad's company (even though logically, the pay's good) I need to find work before I kill myself in sheer boredom.
So anyway, tomorrow I'm going jobhunting
Anyone else interested in going?
Actually, online survey jobs don't sound too bad. Except that I need to create a seperate email account just for this. Right then, I will.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 07:15 p.m.+
and a voice that came from you and me
Listening to: Don McLean + Suiko3 OST
Woke up for school, so sleepy na~ *dies* 8am in the morning with barely 4 hours of sleep. Met Ms Shirley Ting, and she gave us some really pissifying news. Apparently, the person who gave us this "duty" hadn't run it past the proper authorities and thus, the Student Council was just making us of us to do their REPORT(!) which they were supposed to do. Wothefork! *vengance!* ARGH ARGH AGRGH! Got really pissed that at that, cos it wasn't our job (thus, not authorized) and realized we woke up at 8am in the frikkin morning for NOTHING!
*sighs* tsu so abused ;_;
ANYWAY! Mom drove, so it wasn't so bad. Went to get my hair cut at Funan Centre, the guy, Sammy was so cute na~ LOL Helped me trim my hair according to how *I* cut it on my own which is why it look exactly the same but neater cos he cleared all the flyaway bits. Had lunch at China Square, and the Vietnamese food there is absolutely delicious. The pho, the ricepaper rolls and the COFFEE .......*dies in heaven* It's sweet, creamy and tastes like icecream ♥ Got dragged into some place called DrX and got prodded and poked. Apparently, I have dirt on my skin which I can't see. So what they do is *dig* out every scrap of dirt. It doesn't sound painful...but it is >_____> I didn't cry okay! I'm not -that- much of a baby but it hurt *moumoumou*
Went home and slept, woke up at 6.30pm for dinner. *sighs* There are times I wonder if *any* of my siblings have any respect for anyone else besides themselves. Are they so self-absorbed that they don't even have the common courtesy to come for the exhibition for me? Their reasoning is that they don't -need- others to affirm their work, they're all y'know...independant and stuff *scarcasm* It's not about that, it's about sharing an interest, it's about caring about others, not just the ME ME ME mentality. Like if it's your friend's birthday, you'll wish him/her congradulations right? Same principle. I'm not asking for affirmation, I'm asking you to be part of my life and celebrate my joy with me. Is that too difficult for my Epsilon-minded siblings to understand?
Maybe I'm asking too much. But seriously? I know I'm not. If they don't want to act like civilized human beings with social graces, and prefer to lead a beastial animalistic life, so be it.
My brother can complain on how insenstive my dad is, or my sis can complain on how airheaded her classmates are, but are they really different? I keep sensing that my brother actually enjoys being ignorant and uncouth, because he thinks it's -manly- (whatever.) and my sis is so "modernized" sometimes she's rude without knowing it.
*sighs* Whatever.
*offically gives up on her siblings*
------------
The exhibition was really fun desu na!!!! I had like, 5 glasses of the white wine which was fruity and slightly bubbly and tart and it was just really fun. Everyone was talking and laughing, and the music was smoothly jazz and Mr James was wearing black (as usual) and I saw a lot of my classmates - Ginny, Jennifer, Jackie, Jeanine, Paul, Mae, May, Shannon, Susan and some other ex-students. Some of the paintings actually got sold (Jeanine's skull and someone else's) Waiii~ and someone kept on spelling our names wrong! They misspelled mine, and they misspelled Jackie's. LOL. I used a pencil to correct it.
It's just so cool to see your name on it and "NFS" (Not for Sale) 'cos Jeanine figured that if it was for my mom, then it won't be for sale right?
Got hugs from various people ^-^ and drank lots of the sparkling white wine. It's Austrian I think. Sweet, fruity, tart and bubbly....yummy!♥ Got some for audy too *glompsquishuggle* Thanks for coming~ Intro-ed her to the people I knew and participated in drinking copious amounts of alcohol together xD xD White wine is nice right? Like sprite :D
I didn't get drunk though~ loooool just a little hyper
I'm really happy na~ Everyone was so nice, it's unbelievable. LOL, Mr James was being really nice too and said all sorts of things to my mom (flatterer) xD xD xD Happy~ Went to Da Paolo's later for dessert (and to get me away from the alcohol too). I think mom really clicked with Jennifer, Paul and Mae. LOL. It's good na~ I want her to like them
Bought vanilla gelato, lemon cupcakes and blueberry shortcake which is this humongeous 7-layered cake with blueberry jam and creamcheese and sponge sandwhiched together. FANTASTIC! *-* Auddy's cupcake was really nice too (god that line sounds so wrong) Lemon cupcake, I don't usually like lemon but this one was sweet and nice and had little sliver balls xD xD BALLS! (which she was sucking on *koff*) It was just near-perfect, sitting outside under the night sky, with gaslight lamps and a crescent moon, pinicking on cake and icecream, and slightly high. Just wonderful you know? Like a perfect memory photograph.
I'll remember it forever.
Okay. Here's the deal. I'm really tired ^^;; cos today was really long, and the pictures all need to be resized and rotated because my photography skillz just doesn't pwnz anyone. So I'll just upload my painting, and tomorrow I'll upload everyone else's, okay? *pleading look*
my painting
It's a bit blurry, but I was holding a wineglass while shooting so...oh well. Btw, it's called Narcissis (aka: Golden Daffodils) cos that's the name of the flower.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 10:05 p.m.+
Listening to: Forever Young
Aimlessly depressive...Worried about tomorrow. Agrhz. It's the last day of my exams, I should be happy and joyful but I just feel drained and empty. *mopes* I thought maybe I should go shopping, or something but I didn't really want to. Was just quite happy to go with Gloria to ComicsMart and eat icecream. Bought 2 new comics, I, Paparazzi and Terminal Cafe. I, Paparazzi reads a lot like 30 days of night crossovering to an urban landscape (has conspiracy theories too!). Terminal Cafe is alot a lot like Watchman. A lot. A little brother maybe.
And Liang Bao better return my books or else.
*grumbles* mmmmmschhrf
music drawn slowly into a tune
blossoming into heartfelt rememberances
waltzing waltzing.....to our song
capturing melachonly in a jar
bottled up half-dreams, do they end?
the sadness in your heartbreak smile
don't cry beloved, don't cry
the sky is lonely too
everything, everyone -
forgets.
Last Temptation bothers me.
It bothers me because it reminds me of that stupid red dream
That guy, the stage - the red
Agrh.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 11:18 p.m.+
Stolen from Nekoichi:
Seven Things That I Like Most
1. SEISHIROU-SAN!♥♥♥
2. Books - the more the merrier :D
3. Anything with supernatural in it
4. Pop/Rock music
5. Painting~~~~*-*
6. Alcohol
7. Sleep
Seven Important Things In My Computer Room
1. Aisuru computer 1
2. Kor's computer 2
3. Aya's piggy lappie comp 3
4. Router ♥ and modem ♥
5. All my expensive graphic novels
6. All my expensive illustration books
7. TV! (mtv teh ♥)
Seven Random Facts About Me
1. I wear lots of skirts
2. Most of the skirts are tartan skirts
3. My aim in life is to be an 18th century dilentte
4. I have a major *major* inferiority complex
5. My hobbies usually read more like obssesions
6. My skin temp reads 37 deg cel usually *waves fan*
7. I dislike the colour yellow.
Seven Things I Plan To Do Before I Die
1. Go Greece/NZ/Other Places
2. Try indoor skydiving
3. See how far I can get smashed with drugs and alcohol
4. See how far I can climb the coperate ladder
5. Finish my hijitsu/onmyoujitsu research
6. Take over the world (with, or without audy :x)
7. Forget.
Seven Things I Can Do
1. Write. People like it, so...YAY I HAVE FANS!♥
2. Paint. Determination pays off methinks.
3. Invent cooking techniques, nessescity!:D
4. Plan stuff, organize events and other admin duties
5. Make layouts :)
6. Give up on people.
7. Forgive.
Seven Things I Can't Do:
1. Pastillage on sugar ;_; mine cracked
2. Play bass/other musical instruments
3. Like bugs. EWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!
4. Look pretty and sexy ;_;
5. Not get upset.
6. Forgive myself.
7. Forget.
Seven Things I Say The Most:
1. yoroshiku~
2. okay
3. sure thing~
4. OMGZ
5. lol
6. sou na/sou ka
7. mwee~
-------------
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 I am Mario.I like to jump around, and would lead a fairly serene and aimless existence if it weren't for my friends always getting into trouble. I love to help out, even when it puts me at risk. I seem to make friends with people who just can't stay out of trouble. What Video Game Character Are You? |
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Which Stereotypical CLAMP emotion are you?
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I’m the beautiful and clever bishounen owner of the Green Drug. Don't let my warm smile and polite demeanor fool you; I'm notorious for leaving out important details when persuading Kazahaya into taking dangerous jobs. Why a drugstore owner who can see the future is involved in this is beyond anyone's understanding.. |
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Okay I'm getting bored of quizzes.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 08:23 p.m.+
Listening to: Beach Boys - Kokomo
Yesterday
Went to the studio, very intensive painting session *falls over* I felt to tired afterwards...However, I corrected the background for the 1000000000th time, in which is has the *correct* shade of latte-purple. It's basically Yellow Ochre + Burnt Umber + Titanium White. My arms hurt was painting so quickly though, I practically re-did the entire background in 1.5hours. Fixed the flowerheads as well, I'm not overjoyed at the bottom petal and the 3rd petal from the top but...at least I'm not hacking it with a palette knife. LOL.
The only thing I'm really pissed at is the leaves. *dies* Oh god, so horrifying. I'm hoping people don't look too closely at the leaves. I couldn't get the right shade of viridian, and some of the shadows are too blue, cos I added too much Phalto, and it's too forward. *sighs* ARGH. I'll fix it after the exhibition I swear.
After pleading around a bit, Mr James gave me some alcohol (tasted like chardonnay). LOL. He doesn't understand my fascination with The Bottle. It's bad for your body, your liver, your head etc etc but I think the reason why I'm so willing to drink poison is to forget. Ahhhh....the troubles of people with perfect memories.There are times I just want to forget and alcohol is the fastest way to it. (plus it makes me drowsy and warm)
Really worried about the exhibition. >____>;;; I just feel so nervous. It's the 3rd exhibition, but it's my _FIRST_ big one. And it feels all butterflutterly inside, like happynervousexcited(!) and I seem to want Friday to come sooner just as much as I don't want it to come at all. He sent a gazillion emails - more than a thousand - which is more than I've ever sent for a gallery, even when I was organizing with PlastiqueKineticWorms.
And I think I'm going to die on Oct7. Somehow I got picked from two dozen or so to interview the people from the Ministry about CJC's art students. So I actually have to be in 2! exhibitions at once, cut my hair and go out with my mom all on the same day. >_>;; Hopefully, Steffi has some ideeas on how to work this out.
Oct 7 is going to be absolutely crazy.Oh horror!
Apparently my classmates think Mr James looked really terrible on the Asian Art Fair (the pinstripe shirt) and he's a playa *snickers* He's 50 for heaven's sake! What field is he playing on, I wonder, Grandfather's Alumni? LOL. Seriously though, some of the comments I hear are absolutely hilarious.
Oh, mom came back from Indonesia, bringing boxes of kueh lapis from a bakery called Happy. LOL, anyone wants some Happy-nes?
Today
Was in school early, the Econs exam was fascinatingly boring. It was so boring I couldn't even sleep during the exam. *fidgets* Was really cold too, but the point being that it was so boring that I was counting down the seconds. *yawns* Even the structured questions were boring. As expected, they had oligopoly for structured Qns. I didn't really think they'll be doing OPEC since its balantly in our lecture notes but......it did! All the better for us I suppose.
Hung around with Angie, Vanessa and Glen but left soon after. I like Angie and Vanessa actually, but they tend to get lost in their own whole and Glen is very very very fidgety. He just _can't_ stay still, _can't_ stop talking or making absolutely pointless comments like: "Eh, you know like the oil in the barrels are like tuna right? ahahaha" *insert stupid self-laughter at self-joke* -___________-;;; I wouldn't mind if it was actually funny (even lame is funny) but this is just absolutely senseless. And he talks like that non-stop all the time. *kills self* Like even when I'm ignoring him, he just has to -talk-. *irritated* Some people need to learn manners. *still hasn't forgotten that incident with Project Work*
He's not even irritatingly cute, he's just irritating per se.
Went to Art Friend, bought stencils and papyrus paint. Papyrus paint is the Egyptian kind, comes in little round bottles which you apply with a tweezer and feels a little like pre-mixed paper mache. Except that it dries to form this raised texture thing that looks EXACTLY like clotted blood scabs. TEH LOVE!<3 Saves me from finishing my project too much. Idiocy claims that today I need to go to the studio and pick up canvas2# because I'm an idiot and careless. Damned.
Browsed Kino and saw....*dumdumdum* SUGINO VER. TACTICS 7!!!!! *shockjoy!* It comes with this drama CD thing and has special artwork in it (or so it claims). Was desperately torn between that and Tokyo Babylon 7. Tactics was $24.90 while Tokyo Babylon was $17. Being an total cheapskate and moneyhoarder, I picked Tokyo Babylon instead. PLUS! SEISHIROU! xD xD xD
Fangirled squealed ogled and made distrubingly cute chibi noises like "waaiii~!" "mweee!" "pi~kaaaaaa" and "uwaaaa!" all the way home. I think the people on the bus thought I was insane lol.
*fangirls*<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
Okay. Need to sew Kantarou's outfit for EoY cosplay. *doinks sleepily* Maybe laterr....
Oh yeah, details for EoY cosplay:
10th Dec 2005
SG Expo hall 5
1pm onwards
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 03:13 p.m.+
Pop Art makes you listen to Hilary Duff
Listening to: Shi-ki and Hilary Duff
I bet people won't believe me when I say I love pop, esp. American pop. I listen to absolute rubbish like Hilary Duff, Madonna, Shiki and...dum dum dum! Morning Musume
Pop is teh lurve<3
Anyway, Lit exam sucked shit. It sucked shit because a)I didn't have enough time to finish my essay b)the poem sucked. Philp Larkin makes my life miserable because he uses blank verse and unstructured poetry. Very little to write on devices, a lot to write on themes. Which sucks, because I LIKE writing about devices, and it's fun to play catch-the-technique! though some may beg to differ.
Managed to get one thing right though: the poem was about death (or at least part of it). I think I'll pass, but I won't get my 40 ;_____; Ah well. Better luck next time.
After that absolutely depressing exam, called Audy to see if she was free to go out. Ans: a curt "NO." So I decided to just join my classmates for lunch at Carl's Junior. Nearly decided not to go, if not for Jiaxiang. Okay okay...I get along with the guys better than the girls ^^;; Jiaxiang is really nice though, I think he sees me as a younger sister (he's retained, very slack and Piscean too lol) It's absolute sadly ironical that a Piscean is the top in class (Pinkie) and a Piscean is ALSO the bottom in class (Jiaxiang). And there's only 3 of us. *shrugs*
Was pretty okay, played "I never/I have" in which I ended up drinking litres! of tea because 3/4 of the stuff they'll never done. Like "I've never kissed a girl" *drink* "I've never gone naked around people" *drink* "I've never worn a short skirt" *drink*..................*dies* I'm pretty sure I would've lost if we continued playing.
Went to Candy Empire which is like OMFG!WONKAFACTORY! Bought a bag of Cafferel's gianduja which is melty!delicious and because I've never seen this anywhere else: honey chocolate. Basically it's chocolate whipped with cream and honey and sold in these huge chunks. It's like...$3? a piece. And guess what? It's REALLY REALLY GOOD. It's like creamy and sweet and the honey makes it meltingly sticky and not as sweet as normal milk chocolate. How to I say this? It's sticky. Like gooeysticky in your mouth and you chew this muddy gooey (or at least you try to chew it) and it's just fantastic. *dies* The gianduja was apporiately nutty and dark too....but then again, Cafferel is Italian, so it's expected but OMGZ! I love the blue priyamid wrappers. So cute!
Parted ways, and went to the Singapore Arts Fest. IT'S REALLY FANTASTIC! It could be because the moment I said "Oh I paint at Block43 studios", they immediately went "Oh, James?" *nodnod* *tsu gets assualted by brochures* Most of them aren't free, but I got them free anyway. Like the guy from Art News was really nice. He gave $50 worth of contempary art magazines, including one really cool one just on installation art.
I was just happy to browse y'know? The people were kind and nice, even though they knew I couldn't be a buyer. They were polite and really friendly. Some of the artists even went to talk to me, and ask about my own paintings. And there was a HUGE variety of art. I saw installations, paintings, glass sculpture, ceremics, aluminium works etc etc There was even this lacquer-plastic mix which looked really cool, like a kind of oriental-pop-art mix.
All in all there was approximately 40 or so galleries, so I'll just comment on what I remember and like.
From Japan
Aoki Gallery - sand texture. Basically the entire painting in painted on packed sand, and the painting IS on sand. Cool concept, realism brushwork.
Yorshikawa+Co. - It's an entire gallery run by women. There's one with a pebbly inlay with oils over and it was a painting of a tsubaki! :D They had one on crows too, Karasu. It's unusual in depiction, shows a group of crows playing with a ball of red string. Very pretty, rather cute. The colour scheme is the usual red/white/black. Nice!
Yuyoi Kusuma - the Polka dots one. I went in and got dizzy *dies* even after I left, I could still see dots. The concept is cool, but experiencing it - *gets dizzy* The installation is pretty huge too, an entire room filled with balloons covered in the same polka dot design. >_____> I suppose that's the intention
From Indonesia + Vietnam
LOTS of galleries featuring them. Indonesia and Vietnam are considered Asia's hottest spots for artists. Indonesia veers more on abstract though, mostly painted with a palette knife to produce the sharp, pulled edges in blocks of colour. Some notables is a gorgeous painting of electric cables in abstract, with "pulled" sides, so it looks like it's moving.
Vietnam is more romantic, with blurred outlines using the "drawn thinner" effect. Lots of potraitures of women, usually with melachonly faces and a hint of nostalgia. I rather like their landscapes as well. My favourite *favourite* is the painting of a moonlit sky, with silky translucent clouds and a slivery sea. It's just so heartbreakingly beautiful desu na~... Landscapes are usually quietly contemplative, while the potraits seem to hold some sort of "triste" in them. Most of the women in the potraits are dressed in 60s' French orientalism.
Based in SG
There's one mother-daughter team doing ceremanics. Earthly, molten feel. Looks as if it came straight from the ground with lots of fossil-influences. Honestly, I thought it was bronze at first but it's actually a mixture of metals merged with ceremics. The metal contrasts very nicely with the ceremics and the sinous shapes are definetely earthly and almost sensual.
Another was a painter based in SG, painting about Asia. What she did was she painted a background then POLARIZED the potrait by scrapping white with a palette knife. It's like frikkin' cool man! *awe* I mean seriously technicolour cool.
One Indian painter with cool concept. Blurred figures with lots of luggage. Concept: "I pack therfore I am." Using commodities to define people (kinda like a synecode) Nice concept, great artwork. Gupta galleries.
The last painter(?) is a I-don't-know-what. Anyway, she does oriental pop-art. Lots of chinoserie motifs, bright plastic-ky colours and heavily glazed. I really don't know what she uses. It's not glass, I don't think it's plastic. My guess is that she paints in oil, then glazes it and then sandpapers it until it reaches that sheen.
Other nationals
One Chinese gallery featuring ink on ricepaper and sculpture. The sculpture wasn't so interesting, but the paintings were. Asked the gallery owner in Chinese, and he's really enthusiatic. Apparently this guy Guo Zhijiang was a Nobel Prize writer (Lit) who painted so his philosophy to make it more acessible to people. To quote: "Even if you don't understand or read it, the feelings invoked in you are still real." (btw, it sounds better in Chinese) Favourite paintings: Gu du Solitary and Xue Meng Zhong First Snow Dream. [I'm using the translation from the gallery itself, even though it's inexact] The Illusions one was really nice too.
Australians' weren't too interesting. Great Barrier Reef, though beautifully executed, looked like a postcard. The still lifes weren't too bad, but compared to the rest of the stuff, just paled na.
My favourite *FAVOURITE* person in the entire exihibition was this portly looking guy who was wandering around smiling. So I thought "hey, let's just talk since we're both alone." So we talked a bit.....then he mentioned he was working in Thaksin Gallery. "Call me Tony" he said, *smile smile* It was only like...30mins later I realized that this guy was Antonio Luz!, leading socio-political painter from Philppines (!!!!!!) Like, within 15mins I found out how old he was, and his masking-tape trick with stencils "Use that in your artwork too!"
You know, I almost expect him to laugh in a "ho ho ho"
^___________________^;;;;
Everyone was really friendly (with the exception of the Korean exhibites) but he went an extra mile and he even promised me to come over for the exhibition at Mr James' place. Waiii~ I feel so touched ;_;
Personality aside, his artwork is really good. Political commentary done in pop-art realism. Very cool. He also does magazine illustrations. I like his Paint-By-Numbers joke. It's whimiscal, cute with an underlying message. It's very acessible. Kids will like it cos it's cute and pretty, adults will like it because of the satirical humour.
-------------
Fired with NEW zeal and 5 new magazines (courtesy of HappyPill Man from Art News, he claims to be the senior editor) I rushed back home and started painting. Mentality: omfg people are actually going to SEE! this and it looks like shit! I didn't realize HOW big this exhibition was going to be. >______>;;; Apparently, EVERYONE knows Mr James. So I better clean up my act na? Paint properly! This isn't for A levels or exams anymore...it's for -real- people. Real buyers, talent-spotters, gallery owners, other artists...And I better show my stuff because I want to be good.
Kinda worrying.....but if I give my best, I'll be happy no matter what outcome.
And in the end, as long as Mr James thinks I've progressed and I feel like I learnt something it's all good right? It's worth it.
It's times like this I wish I was born into a artsy family. Like the mother-daughter ceramics team (daughter is a graphic designer) or the Thaksin gallery (it's family run) whose daughter is a fashion designer in London. I mean you can tell they're born and bred in there and they know it in their blood. I can't compete in that sense. I'm a self-taughtist, and my experience with galleries while more than most people, is still pretty small. Oh okay, I can organize one for PKW. Send invites, call press, write press releases, cater food and curate. But it isn't really large desu na...I don't know how auctions really work, or how art moves from type to type. I can't comment intelligently on anything (which is why I'm reading up those magazines by Friday I SWEAR.)
I know people say it doesn't matter. I don't believe that. You know why I don't believe that? Because it doesn't work that way. It's like the stupid art teacher from school who tells me measured drawing is oldfashioned and I don't need to know the reasonings or history before doing art. That's just STUPID. Measured drawing is the backbone of art and art is reason. You can't just splash paint without meaning or concept because anyone can do that, from a taxidriver to a 6 year old. The difference between an artist and a layperson is the clarity of thought and looking through all these exhibitions, I can't help but realize it's true.
It's like...no matter how beautifully executed, without concept or meaning it's just shit.
And it's just not the fine artists who share this view. EVERYONE did. From the Japanese artists to the graphic designers to the advertising agents to the oragnizers themselves : they all said the same thing in different languages. To have meaning. To create a vision. To find a philosophy. To believe. And....and.....that's what an artist really is. To create a meaning in a image/thought.
*feels shame*
And when I think back to all my crazy schemes
Sou na...now I understand.
I want to be an artist desu na. Not by anyone's salt but my own.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 08:29 p.m.+
Listening to: Vertical Horizon
I've been having weird dreams lately.
Not those kind of dreams...*those* kind of dreams.
But funnily enough, I'm not so scared anymore.
It's distrubing still though.
I thought it'll stop, since I'm relatively "okay" now.
Or am I? *wonders* And is this what everything really is?
The dreams bother me.
They bother me more than I'll ever let anyone know.
Sometimes it's so real - it seems like I've been there before. That I've done that. That every night I sleep I'm reliving something that shouldn't happen but happened anyway and when I wake up, I know it hasn't.
But it sure feels like it.
Anyway!
Audy had fun at her chalet sex orgy event night, and she seems to be back in one piece, with everything (hopefully) intact. LOL. Okay I'm evil and mercilessly teasing but it's fun ~
Did some painting, which was a little calming. My background base was wrong though, so I changed it a little. Final mix: Burnt Umber + white + yellow ochre. I'm still annoyed at the petals because they aren't blended properly, as this TINY patch of unblended brown. OMGZ, so irritating! *eyetwitch*
Feeling lonely and tired and a host of muddle-ly emotions. *sighs* I want to snuggle into something and not wake up. Mom's not going to be around for the next few days (thou shalt NOT touch anything scary) I just feel so unloved desu ne....I honestly think that's why I'm dreaming so much. It's like halfway when that guy(?) starts to die and the other person jumps off the building and it just feels like the wind is crying. And he's dying beside me with those eyes....
;__________;
That's right...it's the sensation of being lost, being unloved.
Sometimes I want to yell at people: "You don't love me right?! So why the fuck am I staying alive for you?!?!?"
It happens.
It passes.
But I suppose that's the crux of things. I love people deeply, all of them, not just phiryn. I love my sis, I love sak, I love my mom, I love k'yunin and lexis and tessie and alex and all of them - but they can't, they WON'T love me back because they're so scared of the intensity of it.
And everything they say they do, they never show it. When I say I love you, I mean -every-single-word. But it's not for this blog. Not now anyhow.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 08:43 p.m.+
Listening to: Duran Duran
Yes! It's Misuzu! Forgive the lack of quality....The highest kbps on the internet is 7 or 8. So even though I saved at 10, it still shows at 8. *sighs* I tried though. Editing took roughly 5 hours in total. 3 hours to cut and join and *repair* the pic because a)it was in 2 pieces b)it was of different sizes (I drew her frikkin' skirt with a frikkin' mouse!) c)it had scribbly words all over her hair. Then the other 2 hours was spent creating a field of amaryllis, which isn't as easy as it looks because the *entire* field was created from 1 picture. Cool na?
I'm actually surprised how well it turned out
Halfway in patching her hair I was wondering wtf I was doing
Almost everything is artifical. o.O
So scary.
The title, "aori" means a gust of wind/influence which unconciously matches my sister's layout "blown". LOL. Unintentional! I swear!
Ran errands today and spent money -.-;; moneywaster!tsu. Come, let's add up the damage:
Quidam tickets (I have REALLY GOOD SEATS!): $366
French Laundry Cookbook (Keller):$92
Total: $458
The row I snagged was at section 200, right above the VIPs, smack right in the middle at row L. Coolness. Amazing luck really~ and the salespeople were so nice~
I'm actually happy to spend though. *shrugs* It's okay na~ you're don't owe me anything. I do it because I *want* to. I do it 'cos well, it's something cool and I want to share it. You guys don't owe me anything okay?
Got a new skirt and shirt <3<3<3 *-* Thanks mom! I have this really POUFY!white skirt with black lace that is so cute and puffy even my mom says I look like a doll. Wai~! xD xD Unintentional lolita-lookalike! Seriously though, the skirt is puffy. It's like a cream-puff puffy, but it doesn't have a ciroline or underskirt so it's soft not the EGL-scarystiff puffyness. Black shirt from odbo, which is kinda cool with zippers and stuff. Me likes *-*
I'm happy na! Shopping is fun~
Mom bought a lovely evening dress thing, which roxxors because it means I don't need to go with her for last-minute D&D shopping and save ourselves from panicking. It suits her too, and I'm thinking of trying that French chic with red lipstick, dark hair and dark eyes. Very French. Very chic. Plus she looks really good with it.
Went to Jewelfest, looked at all the designs. Lots of art-nouveau, art-deco inspired pieces. Lots of serpentine motifs and sea-motifs, Levithan becoming popular again huh? LOL. The metalwork veers from very delicate lace-mesh (particularly on the Italian side) to the bolder, geometric work. In terms of stones, tarzanite is becoming really popular lately and tourmalines too. One of the better ring designs was a green tormaline held horizontal in a simple, rectangle ring. Plain, but very cool.
Saw this Asian(?) company too. Lotus, I think. Gorgeous art noveau fused with French orientalism. It's really fascinating, especially their serpentine necklace. There was a obsidian/pearl combo that was striking as well. I think it's new, cos I didn't see it last year or the year before.
Didn't see Orva, less tiaras this year ;_; Even di Roma (which can be relied for crazy intricate pieces) wasn't too spectacular. On the other hand, they had airflown this huge wheel of parmesan cheese which they were giving free samples of, lol. Cheese and diamonds! A new combination!......LOL, and people say -my- combinations are weird.
Oh yeah, if anyone's interested, they're selling lolita dresses (from China) at $250 each in Far East Plaza. It's crazzzzzzzzy okay? and really ugly. I showed it to mom for kicks, and to watch her jaw drop in horror is hilarious indeed xD xD xD I'm so evil desu na....
Had pistachio icecream~ nummyness *chews* Turkish icecream roxxors. I wonder why it's chewy though...my mom claims it's goat's milk. Who knows?
Btw...I'M FINALLY BACK TO BLUEBERRY SHAMPOO!<3<3<3<3<3<3 Is muchly muchly love to smell like blueberry bubblegum <3<3<3 As much as I like strawberry, the blueberry is my favourite
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 11:40 p.m.+
