#Shidare#- C.A.G.E.xaminations-

And there were times...........

There are times when you want to kick yourself. There are times you wonder why you live, why you die, why Death sends a butterfly kiss and steals your life with her beauty.

These are strange times we live in.

A Terminator is being voted for as Governer of the largest state in the land of No Gods.

These are funny times to live in.

A molester is being summoned to the White House runned by a Madman.

I wonder why Yoshiki sees in all of this. What he sees through his pain-filled eyes.

It's a dreamy night tonight and a deary wind blows through. You can almost hear the cries of joy, pain, happiness and sorrow.

And then the silence.

The silence irks me because it carries tidings of what has not yet come to pass. And that bothers me cos it does not bode well.

We will fill this night with stories.

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Baby is so sweet to me. She hugs me and holds me and combs my rough brown fur with broken combs and soft hands. I love her so much.

There's a love song
A sweet song
A story about honeybees and honeytraps

There's a jangle of keys. A crashing door. Papa is home.

Papa is home tonight.

White house
White fences
Green grass
Brown doors
Pink ribbons and toys
Black secrets within

Papa is swaying again, he sways and see saws like ooka mooka monkeys on bananna trees. He holds a bottle of brown water, taking big gulps of it like Baby eating ice cream. And then ---

He looks at Mama.

He looks at Baby

Run Baby Run! Papa going to make Mama leak water from her eyes, and make red water run from her nose and legs. Run Baby Run! Remember how Mama wiped her red red nose. Remember how water leaked like Barbie doll crystals from her red red eyes. Run Baby Run! Because Teddy can't help you anymore Run Baby Run! Before Papa finds you...........

Because Teddy doesn't want water to leak from your eyes.

Red Mama with her red nose and her red eyes and her red mouth and her red cheeks and her red red red water all over the floor. Red red Mama

Baby doesn't run.

someone close my eyes Teddy want no more red on floor

Oh please Baby hide for me!

Too late.

Papa is coming. His smelly smell, like the smell of the brown stuff in the toilet. His clothes, not pretty fairy pink angel but black, the colour when everyone switches off the lights. The colour of sky when Papa comes home.

"Itchy coochie coochie Baby coochie coochie huh?"

Baby don't listen to him! NO!

Bang bang bang he bangs her head so pain I don't want to her red red red like Mama No don't make Baby red please Papa don't play with Baby no more Please no no Teddy don't want that uh huh yea? Red red red again Nooooooo

Baby don't talk to me anymore.

Baby? Baby? Wakey wakey Teddy is here.

Baby looks like Barbie with red colour.

She snuffling now, Teddy is here...shuushh....Come Baby, drown your water in me. Come Baby, hug me. Come Baby, maybe he won't come home tomorrow yea?

C'mon Baby, let's sing some lullaby

Rock a Bye baby
On the treetop
When the wind blows
A the cradle will rock
When the bough breaks
The cradle will fall
And down will come baby
Cradle and all

Teddy won't let your cradle fall.

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Ho hum de dum........I can feel a green eyed monster in me seething in jealously. Isn't it strange? Sometimes I even get jealous of my friends I think they're cool and smart and everything. But I'm sure I'm not the only one to feel the green. I'll bet a million that in some way or other, we're all jealous of each other.

Even if no one admits it.

Laliho....The next story is an alien one. Set in my favourite place of all, the city of Angles, Los Angeles. //hi Yoshiki! Want my number?//

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This is the land where there are No Gods.

This is the land where everyone comes from somewhere else.

The land where everyone comes from their mothers.
This is America.

And I am going to the City of Angels.

This is a city of bright lights and brighter skin (made of botox of course).

This is a city of glitz and showbiz. Where one can buy anything - for a price.

This is Los Angeles.

It's shining today, like a Californian set. Palm trees, balmy days and super skinny people folicking in bikinis and beach parties.

It feels unreal.

I'm sitting here musing by the river with a tequila. When just a second ago...........

GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN

I suppose I shouldn't have told her the truth.

I suppose I shouldn't have told her I actually gay.

You would have thought that everyone was more open minded nowadays, with all those coming out incidents.

Guess that old habits are hard to die.

They remind me of mosquitos. Equally annoying and equally itchy and painful.

I bought a plane ticket.

I flew to this city of angels where everyone's vices are the talk of the town.

There's nothing as interesting as scandal I suppose. And people have nothing else better to do.

It's late now. I should be looking for accomadations, food and other nessicities.

But when I look at the setting sky, with it's dull red, hazy yellows and throbbing oranges, I think-

This is an ending.

This is a new beginning.

Surely this is the feeling when a prisoner first walks out of his cell after many years?

I have found the freedom in anarchy. The freedom in telling the truth. I am finally finally free

Every ending has a new beginning

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Yare yare, my brother is kicking me out now. I'll put the stalker now up another day. Oh yeah,

I BOUGHT MYSELF A CAMERA FOR $40!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

With my own money and it's MINE. *is very happy* I'm going to take PICTURES!!!!!!!!! YATTA!!!!!!! And it's not thsoe lousy digital ones, it's an old clear focus one! YAY!!!!!

Go me!

Love to all

tsu

[tsu ranted at 08:48 p.m.]

Ferilous and a summary for all exam suckers

Listening to: Miyavi-Jingle Bells (Kari) and Seki Tomozaku -Shidemo no Iie

I am very pissed and tired.

Make that very very very pissed and tired.

Don't push it today or tomorrow because I might actually kill you.

There is just something really wrong when someone tries to squeeze 14 chapters of Phsyics is 10 mins. And when I get home, I feel sick and puke-ish. Badddd.....add to that, I can't take a break because guess what? I have tuition today too! And Wednesday I have my first paper!!!!!!!

I want to die right here. Right NOW.

Even better, I'm sick.

Holy cow, life just -COULDN'T- get any worse. Or maybe it can, whatever it is. Anyways, I have to score an A1 for Science(s), History and at -LEAST- a pass for Math. Whoopee. See? I'm so overjoyed that I don't even feel like using an exclaimation mark.

Don't piss me off right now.

Anyways, for all you suckers (as well as I) who have to study the God Fobbidden language of Physics, here's a run through.

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Kinematics
Speed = dist/time(t)
Velocity (v) = displacement (s)/Time (t)
acceleration (a) = final velocity (v) - intial vel. (u) / time(t)

For CONSTANT ACCELERATION

V= d/t
S=1/2(u + v)t
V(squared) = u(sq.) + 2as
S= ut + 1/2(at)(sq.)

For V/T graph - area under graph = displacement, grad.=acceleration
For S/T or Dist/Time - grad= velocity

FORCES and MOMENTS and WEP (work energy power you dolt)

F(r) = mass x acceleration, m/s(sq)
Freefall = 10m/sec(sq), constant acceleration
Work done = Force x Dist, Joules (J)
Kinetic E. = 1/2mv(sq)
Potential E. = mgh
K.E = P.E (energy cannot be destroyed)
Power = rate of work done = Energy/Time, Watt (W)
Efficency = Output/ Input x100%
Moment = Force x Perpendicular Dist
Anti clockwise M = Clockwise M in equalibrium
Stability can be increased by greater base area or lowering the C.G by placing weights.

WAVES, LIGHT and PRESSURE

Pressure= Force/Area
Pressure in Fluids= (density)rhogh
Atmospheric pressure = 750mm Hg or 101.325 Pa or 10m H2O
Brownian Motion is an example of movement of air particles.
Manometer= Measure pressure of 2 diff substances.
Barometer= Measure atmospheric pressure using a mecury bath.

Velocity = Frequency x Wavelength (lambda)
Frequency = 1/T, Hertz (Hz)
T= Period
= Time taken for one complete wave

n = refractive index = sin i / sin r (less dense to more dense)
C = crtical angle
n = 1/ sin C
Linear Magnification = obj. dist or size / image dist or size

Greater than 2f, >2f = Image real, inverted and smaller than object
Equal to 2f, 2f=2f = Image real, inverted and same size as object
Greater than f, less than 2f, 2f < x < f, Image real, inverted and magnified
Less than f, < f, Image virtual, upright/erect and magnified

THERMOMETRY

Constiction - clinical thermometers
243 K = 0 deg Cel.
X(teta) - X(min.temp)/ X(max.temp) - X(min.temp) x 100 for finding unknown temperatures.
3 ways which energy can be transferred;

Conduction - Requires medium, carried by vibrating particles in air which "bump" into each other.

Convection- Requires medium, movement of particles from a high heat/energy concentration to a low heat/energy concentration, because of density.

Radiation - Does NOT require medium, transferred by infra-red waves (elctromag spectrum: next to visible light, on the right). Black and dull= good emitter and absorber

Cooling by Evaporation: When anything is evaporated eg. pespiration, heat is carried away from the body to teh surrounding air via evaporation.

Specific Heat Capacity is the amount of energy needed to raise the temperature of object/fluid by 1 deg Cel, J/Kg
Q = mass x C x change in temp. (teta)
Q = energy absorbed.

Specific Latent Heat of Fusion is the amount of energy needed to change 1 kg of substance from solid to liquid.
Q = mass x latent heat of fusion
Q = energy needed to change of state

Biggest rule of all: ENERGY CANNOT BE CREATED OR DESTROYED

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Well, that's the exam cheat sheet. With a little common sense and a lot of formulas even Toraneko would be able to pass a Pure Physics paper. Anyways, I can't believe I actually am trying to help people.

Or I'm just helping myself.

Anyways, good luck to ya all. And have fun studying, it's not too hard once you get the hang of it, and this summary should help -anyone- who hasn't been studying consistantly for weeks. Yea, combine it with your textbook and you'll pass.

Chapters which you have to study on your own: Electromag spectrum cos I can't draw it, Lens diagrams, Wave Rarefraction and Compression by Wavefront cos that's unexplainable without diagrams and sense.

I'm tired................and pissed.

I hope I helped someone.

Well, anyways, I have chinese tuition in an hour. Ja!

love,
a really tired tsu

[tsu ranted at 12:54 p.m.]

CHANT WITH ME!

Listening to; dunno....something my brother is playing as of now. Pretty nice and sappy sounding ^^

*grins* So minna, how do you like the layout? Wanted a change because I don't really like blue and Kamui was already so blue that it pissed me off. So therefore, I wanted something black, but something cute too. So it's Kyo with Misha and the rest of them are lagging at the corner. *points*

Quite to the point ne?

Anyways, this has got to be my fastest layout since I did it while my brother was jogging...that's about 10 mins! w00t! And I think I can proudly say I'm the FIRST to match Dir en Grey with Pita Ten. Nyah~~~~~~~ XD XD

Well while I'm ranting about how much I like my new layout, I have exams in 2 days time *groans* I am soooooooo dead. Because my chinese sucks. Really really really sucks. And I am going to die because I can never write a decent chinese essay. And I'll be too busy trying to think of names of the charas.

Like what happened during CME CA.

We were supposed to write some crap letter about why this person shouldn't do this do that and be amoral...I was like, "HEY! I'm going call him "SHINYA!" and then I signed off as Toshiya...XD XD Funny thing was, Auddy did the same and we were like WOW! GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE!

Needless to say, the teacher was NOT amused.

Everyone thinks I'm neurotic now...

Drew a Shinya sketch and then later painted it and did another tree too. It's the Ariel one, from Tempest, by William Shakespeare. Ariel is the wood nymph that was trapped in a tree and Prospero agreed to free her if she took care of his daughter, Miranda ^_________^ I can't draw pointlessly it seems, everything MUST tell a story. Stupid or not.

Having tuition tonight~~~ *sighs* I mean, I love Science. But I don't love it THAT much. But it's okay cos I'm a tsu ^^ And I'm in a pretty good mood cos a)haven't argued with brother yet b)Bought Alichino 3! c)Finished Chem past year paper ^^ So I'm happy-ish except that I haven't seen leXis online...*sulks*

Oh. She's online now. I *KNEW* I could predict the future! Must be listening to too much Yokan ^^

Oh, found some interesting stuff on Advent Children! Tis pretty cool~~~~~~~~~It's an FF movie based on FF7 and it's REALLY COOL. Check this out:http://sony.gamerfeed.com/gf/media/screens/2277/ PRETTY!!!! *squeals*

Trailer
Info and images

I'm gonna watch it when it comes out! //Summer 2004!//

Waiiii~~!~ have tuition to go!

love

tsu

[tsu ranted at 05:24 p.m.]

Lalified

Listening to: Miyavi- Shindemo Boogie Woogie

I'm beginning to like Miyavi alot ^___________^ It's not rock, it's not pop, it's something they haven't got a name for yet ^^. And it's cool to listen to when you feel cranky.

Went on a mini-downloading spree cos I felt bored and had space to kill. So I just downloaded whatever that sounded appealing. Which was, everything!

I wish more people liked Penicillin though. Cos Hakuei has a really lovely voice.

Hmnnn...Saw leXis Xmas list. Come to think of it, I have mine to do~ Actually, I already know what to get for people, it's just that I'm not putting it down cos the people I'm buying for read. So nyah! Wait till Xmas people. Anyways, I can spend more now cos my pay has risen.

Whoopee!

Have a rather lovely story idea festering at the back of my head but on Monday and Tuesday I have tuition up to 10pm and on Wednesday I have a SS and Chinese Paper 1 so UGH. *kills self* Have to get A1 for sub-Chem/Phy and pure physics and chem I MUST get a B3 or A2. Or I'll jump off some building. Really.

Sunset today was a pale orange sherbet color with a mix of light blue and hint of grey. It looked like a resort for a second *smiles dreamily* Waaiiiii~~~ I like~~~~

Took a bus tonight. It's strange taking a bus at night......It's colder, darker and scarier. All these quiet, slient people sitting on a bus. Then occasionally, there's a hint of chatter that slowly dies down. Street lamps shine, muted yellow against dull concrete. Street lamps, street lights, traffic lights. Red, green, yellow. It's so lonely. People glance down, avoiding eye contact as the night gets deeper and deeper, the bus jerks and trammels down the roads, jingling handbars and sleeping heads knocking with each other as an erriet green light dries everything to a macabre shade of flourescent green.

Yea, I'm childish.

And I'm scared of the dark too.

In more than one way.

Usually what I do is just concentrate on something else, like the red and yellow lights of the car. I suffer from very bad astigmatism or san guang in chinese. So all the lights have the funny pattern. Ah well, it looks like lace.

love

tsu

[tsu ranted at 07:55 p.m.]

...................................................

Listening to: Penicillin-Tomorrow Miyavi-Jingle Bells (Kari)

Woke up in time for lunch (about 1pm) and for the first time in many days, I feel waaay better. *streches and smiles lazily* IT'S. SO. WONDERFUL. *glomps her blanket* Nyahhh~~~~~~XD........I'm a real sleepyhead at times.

Felt wonderfully good, had lunch and felt much better. Showered slowly and took my -own- sweet time to clean up, dress up, strech my legs. Then I finished my thermal physics work and some Chinese homework ^_______________^ Felt good. After that, I called Alex up and we talked and talked for a while and it felt nice and wonderful. *sighs happily*

Then my brother's girlfriend came.

*rolls eyes* Geez, he shouldn't blame me for -everything!- Sure, I teased him but the fact that my mom scolded him wasn't cos of me but because he really WAS being anti-social. *pissed* Aw shoot. Oh well. What's done is done.

*shrugs hopelessly*

Full circle they call it. Poetic justice they call it.

No one ever thinks of it as pure stupidity huh?

Yesterday was great. To be excat, yesterday night was great. Because I actually feel better now, because I'm not stuck in a "use me use you" relationship anymore, because for once in my life I can actually have a -normal- relationship that isn't because we shared pain together.

Isn't it strange that all my friends and I are bonded with pain?

I've got suicide buddies, angsty friends, abusive relations ones and all that crap. It's nice to know that you can be -normal- sometimes. It's nice to know that not everything is deadly depressing.

So it's nice to be normal. XD XD

It's really strange in a sense, cos I have tons of aquaintances and all but hardly any of them know me very well. Like , everyone thinks my favourite colour is pink. Well, it's not. My favourite colour is violet. But everyone gets it wrong anyways. Another thing that pisses/amuses me, everyone thinks I write fluff. I don't, at least not on daily basis. In fact, I write on the far side of the spectrum.

Some of it is also my fault I guess.

I've never been really good at opening up my secrets. Sure, I tell people quite alot, but never much about me, I just tell them about my experiences and that's it. But other than that? Like what I think? Or what I feel deep down about everything? Out of bounds desu ne. Sometimes I think I hide everything too much.

Or maybe I should just smile less *grin*

But I'll rather be sunshiney and pikapika. And I LIKE to be optimistic and I'm not fragile person. So it doesn't really matter.

Right?

Ah well, anyways today ended really badly, I'm just tired I guess.

love

tsu

[tsu ranted at 10:59 p.m.]

New layout~! And it's here to stay till I finish all my exams. Will fix the background and whatnots problems when I get back to school cos my psp is screwdified. How wonderful ne? *adds sarcasm* Well, anyways, have fun looking at me rant about the evilness of teachers.

I'm really evil huh?

Downloaded the whole Vulgar album. I think it sucks. What do you think? Oh minna, if you want a copy just ask and Neko..... *whines* Gimme the whole Gauze album!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll trade for Vulgar ^_______________^

Wanna get Alichino desu ne.....*checks pocket* Monday, monday, monday....*waits impatiently* The construction work outside my house looks like those minimalistic stuffies, it's all glass, steel and concrete.

Ouch.

Love as always,

tsu

[tsu ranted at 02:10 p.m.]