Radio call

Your fave screwed up individual is back again~ At 12.37am...I should be sleeping..I should at a proper dinner and not eat so much Mac's. Most of all, I should stop berating myself for everything.

And if you want me to
Now for you
Ruin your life
There's nothing else to do
But ruin your life~

Insomia is sad company. Now you know that I'm actually a depressive, insecure, alcoholic/druggie who wears too much pink and is in love with strawberry lip balm.

w00t. Loveeeeeeeeeeeee

+tsu waited for you at 12:37 a.m.+

<> Self Rant

Listening to: Tears, Unfinished, Forever Love and Longing - X Japan.

Met leXis at the airport after getting mom's present from Raffles. She looked totally fine except for the hair and hat. From a distance, I thought I was hallucinating, then I thought I was seeing Micheal Jackson. *blinks and rubs eyes*

Met her friends too, some with very unpronouncable names like Erhad? Erha? Ered? *dies* Was okay, glomped her and all.

Except she didn't glomp back.

Insecurity hits like a knife through the heart

Then I thought she was just tired and all, but later, she was talking animated to her friends. I felt so useless, worthless and not good enough..........Most of all, kinda lonely and left out. Her friends are not my friends. Nor do our friends mix nicely like a melting pot. It was -TERRIBLE- I'm not used to it, and I tried my best to act as genki as humanely possible without bursting into tears. I felt REJECTED. Yea, that's the word. And solitary.

I mean, I like her friends, but I wish she'll pay more attention to me.

Or maybe I expected too much or just overreacting.

Aren't I the supposed girlfriend after all?

I feel DUMPED

Walked all the way back, and tried to be as friendly as possible. Glomped leXis many many many times to give her chances and everything but she was like ice. Bam bam bam! Cold. It felt like she was just indulging me on whim like a parent who gives a child a lollipop. Feel so useless and horrible.

I know I'm prolly overreacting, but I absolutely can't help it.

I might act confident and everything, but I guess I'm just as insecure as anyone else.

I HAVE to call her or I'll beat myself like crazy over it.

*dies*
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 12:00 a.m.+

Tweet~

Listening to : Forever Love and Longing~Toreigeta melody

I just realized that no matter no punkish or spazzy I look, I'll always be a sappy romantic sop. *looks at playlist* On loop - Forever Love, Longing, Ruin Your Life, Love Replica and Unfinished. And I'm currently reading WK angst too.....Okay, I'm really really sad. So sad that I spend half my time listening to love songs and unrequited stories.

Forever Love, forever dream~ Stop that!

Went a quick Christmas shopping, I realized I can accomplish far more alone than with company. Also, I'm not feeling very social now....Too tired, too lazy, need to study et cetra et cetra. Nothing personal, just langarous.

Completed
1/2 Mom
Kor
Tessie
Rosemary
Chere
Ms Ving
Toraneko
Serene
Natsuki (sent)
Sis

Stuff I'm getting soon
leXis's present. The staff is pissifying to say the least. "Can I reserve one please?" "No but you can call back." "But I've been waiting 2 weeks already." "There will be 30 copies coming in." "30?!?!" Arraggghhh..I have half a mind to get something else, but I've already created such a nice puzzle it's such a waste.

Mom's other 1/2. It's coming in tomorrow at Raffles City, I'll just stop by before heading to Changi to meet leXis. Cool huh?

Stuff that ish given later cos they're in school
Auddy, Natz, Judith, Sharon, Marian, Zara and Mizu(whom I have no idea how to send). You people come look for me in school okay? Please remind me, cos I've actually wrapped stuff already.

My feet -hurt-. Hurt bad........Arragghh....Tomorrow is going to be a long day and this week is borderline crazy on business. I thank heavens for delegation and multitasking abilities. *needs sanity* I need to talk to Auddy too, before I become insane again. She's like this force that is so absolutely rational that it's insane but that doesn't really make sense ne?

leXis is coming back. leXis is coming back. *chants*

I'm not really bored, just woozy from today.I didn't do anything tedious too. //SLACKERZ// Not really that slack but yeah.....Just feel like breaking free and running....Running and running away.Not making sense not making sense but oh heck.

I'm digressing again~ *goes back to inane point*

My dad wants to learn how to play a violin and since he's suddenly interested in classical music, he's willing to pay/buy for me an intrusment. I'm thinking of picking up electric bass or something....I know I know...I make a better vocalist than player. But it'll be nice to learn how to play bass, not to mention he's willing to pay any sum of money for my intrusment.

He's actually willing to get me a Hummingbird or Le Paul as well as pay for lessons.

*sparkles* TAKE ADVANTAGE!

Well, if he's really keen on that I'm not about to give up a chance to learn how to play bass. I hated feeling useless when the other members of the band was practicing. Ack, I couldn't even -read- notes, I just relied on the fact that they were the wrong colour for this particular passage. Electric bass....hmnmnnn....or should I pick up a guitar?

LoL, I can't see my dad learning how to play a violin though, his fingers are too pudgy and short. Plus, no finger power ^^ Laffy's slogan >> If you can type, You can play! It's all based on finger strength and if you draw, even better.

I absolutely fail at drumming though *dies*

Zero co-ordination.

Enough random thoughts

Love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 09:05 p.m.+

Big eyes for a Straight Guy

Listening to: (what else?) Forever Love - X Japan

It's 3 am in the morning and I'm feeling gay and all so I'm going to share with you my sexiest gayest Yoshiki picture. Now! Ain't I such a nice person?



What big muscles you have!
All the better to drum with!

What nice mike you have!
All the better to shout with!

What nice sweaty skin you have!
All the more to look SEXAY with!

I'm really going crazy, or, I'm really sleep deprived. Yoshiki Yoshiki Yoshiki.....Spent most of my time updating my Yoshiki information files cos 've been away for 4 days. And I've asked around for where I can find the damn Longing single. Frick. I really really want that.

What nice pictures you have!
All the better to drool with XD

Okay, enough Pyschobabble, sleepy sleep.

(forever) Love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 02:56 a.m.+

CIVILIZATION~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Listening: Forever Love - X Japan

Firstly...

I'M BACK!!!!!

Day One

Arraghhh.....4 hour plane flight and it was amazingly boring. Yeppy. Boring.....Stared at the clouds and wondered if it was really a city or not and decided YES, there was a city in the sky. So pretty...It was like clear deep blue and then icy blue then fluffy clouds ^_____________^ Inflight food was as usual, inedible and sludgey. So I poked at it, and nibbled. Landed in Macau and went through the Immigration and stuffs.....So annoying. 2 forms, one thermal scan and 2 baggage checks. IRRITATING. Took a cab to Gongbei Port, which is actually a checkpoint.

*Insert more immigration woes*

Dumped everything at the factory dorms, and went for a tour round the factory. It's frikkin huge, and quite scary. Not scary scary but apprehensive scary.

It's like the staff was so deferential to my dad, and they were amazingly polite and -aware- of his status. It's strange, but back in SG, the workers are more laidback and friendly. I'm not saying the workers in China aren't friendly, but they're too....status concious? They never tried to make friends with me, and seemed so shocked when I thanked them and asked them how they were. It's like I'm not supposed to help them at all because my dad owns the frikkin place.

I think that I'll never ever be happy with the social barrier.

Anyways, the place looks straight out of Schindler's List. Rows and rows of uniformed workers, zealously staring at oily metal parts, the whole place stinking of lubricant and nitric acid. The constant thump of stamping machines, the high pitched whistle from the steam boilers. The clinky sounds. The orange-pink lights, illuminating the -whiteness- of the damn building.

They were staring at me. The employees I mean. And I stared at them back. To them, I was a threat, or a display item. To me, I've never seen anyone as hardworking in my life. I don't like being viewed as a threat and I was trying so hard to keep composed and not run. Whispers.....At one point I had an insane urge to tell them that I was human and JUST LIKE THEM! It was just a chance that I've been born there, and they're been born somewhere else. Bloody hell, everyone might have been born equal, but we're NEVER given an equal chance.

I had as much chance of being the one working as much as I have been looking.

I could have been them.

They could have been in my position.

Just fate.

I never had to work for -this- and I certainly never asked for it. So why me? Why them? Should I be thankful?

So I concentrated on the cold (18 degrees) and tried to keep off the distrubing thoughts. Went for dinner and had beef noodles before heading back to sleep.

*sighs*

Day 2

Woke up and had beef noodles for breakfast. LOL. Drove my brother to Gongbei, cos he was going to visit my uncle in HongKong. Went to the main city and bought some stuff for Toraneko and hung around abit to eat French Toast and shaved ice. Walked a bit. Picked seashells for Mizu!!~ Pretty blue ones!~

Went to a minitown that looked alot like SG in the 1960s with streets and hawkers and such quite pretty actually.

Day 3

Sent a letter to leXis which contained more info that in blog. Mainly because I wrote it right there and then. Okay. Basically, went to a couple of theme parks and the prices are daylight robbery. Blah blah blah blah.......Fell sick then got worried I couldn't cross the border to Macau. So I took panadol and slept early and stuff.

Okay, I'm sorry. I'm just suffering from culture shock.

Day in Macau

Finished my film, ate sugar, ate more sugar, had lots of sugar. Bought more film and took a plane back. AARRGHHH...Just wait for me to develop the film ok?

I'm just pretty disturbed right now.

sorry.

love
tsu