Stolen from Audy~ ugh Add Math. Will not think about that...
 I am Chocolate Flavoured.I am sweet and a little bit naughty. I am one of the few clinically proven aphrodisiacs. Sometimes I can seem a little hard, but show warmth and I soon melt. What Flavour Are You? |
 I am Mr Do.I am sedentary by nature, enjoying passive entertainment, eating when the mood takes me, and playing with my food. I try to avoid conflict, but when I'm angered, I can be a devil - if you force me to fight, I will crush you. With apples. What Video Game Character Are You? |
 I am a Redhat.I'm too much of a geek to be a genuine hat of any sort. I was hoping my result would be 'white-hat' or 'black-hat', and am disappointed that those results weren't even available. I probably think the cup-holder story is funny. What Sort of Hat Are You? |
|
What Natural Disaster are you? Take the quiz!
ahahaha
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 08:12 p.m.+
Random:
OMFG I'VE TURNED INTO A GACKT X HYDE FANGIRL.
*goes and sulks in a corner*
Meefymopppffffttttttssss
Someone kill me and salvage my pathetic dignity.
Read: I am so disgsuting.
Read: Kill me now.
ARRRGGGHGHHHHHHHH
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 02:08 a.m.+
Listening to: Taiyou no Ao
Sou....Tiring day, surprisingly able to survive. History wasn't too bad. I was disappointed that China + GLF didn't come out but I did Germany anyway. LOL, kept on hearing Audy-In-Head say "Shinya! Furher!" Drank caffeine, which I really shouldn't -______- Lack of good practical sense. Anyhow, wanted to glompy Audy today but she wasn't feeling glompy so .......ah well. Anyhow. Got less disgruntled after the paper, cos it was raining and I like the rain. ^^
Sat outside with the rain today.
It felt nice; clean feeling.
Simple sort of happy feeling.
Lunch was disgusting and ugh, I dunno. Problably a side effect from a bad night or something. *dismisses it*
I was just thinking today...
About everything.
Ahahahaha....Did some Add Math. Arrrghhhh...I cannot, repeat, CANNOT seem to tell the absolute difference between a approximate dy/dx and a rate change dy/dx. Yucksssss and there goes Uncle Marc who says it's his favourite subject *gags* *sputter* DIS-GUST-ING
Feel a little think-ish today, problably because I decided to do an astrology chart for my Add Math paper. For those interested:
Additional Math
Asc: Saggi
Sun: Scorpio
Moon: Aquarius (tsu: TOO apporiate)
Merc: Saggi
Venus: Libra
Mars: Scorpio
Jupe: Libra
Yes yes...I'm a little crazy. You can't really blame me, considering I did badly last year as well as this year's prelims. ARGH. In my sincere desperation, I tried to unlock the secrets of Add Math by using astrology. Stop laughing damnit, it's important that I PASS. *grumbles happily* mhhsakfhsf
Anyway, been playing Neopets. Yes, you read it right. NEOPETS. Why? Because Sak and my sis have dragged me back into it AGAIN. LOL. It's okay, but I'm not really addicted. You know...the slightly curious, mostly amused, a little bored attitude that I have when I'm curious but not instatiably curious.
Kaoru looks unhappy.
I feel sorry for him.
He looks rather sad.
Like someone whose purpose in life suddenly disappeared.
Or someone who just realized that their work was futile.
I don't know...
I can almost feel his disillusionment by his pics.
The screencapped stuff I mean.
Kyo.
You can't help but admire his sincere honesty
Or if you're a cynic, blind stupidity
I can hardly believe he really means it though
It's glowing around him like truth
Kinda scary. Kinda cool.
Just rather unbelievable.
Truth is, I think Kaoru will disband soon.
I give Dir en Grey another 5 or 6 years.
At most. I can sense the.."downhill"ness
Sad right?
Everyone is a prophet in any case.
It's just that we have different views of the future.
Ahahahahaha...
Better see them perform before disband.
Whoohoo~
Strange thing is, I almost can garentee that they'll break up within 5 years. Almost with certainty.
Ish freaky sometimes.
love especially to you *hug tightly*
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 12:21 a.m.+
[Suigara] ashes from the cigarette end
Beacause you won't leave me alone. Because you nearly drove me insane you know that? STOP BUGGING ME I'M WRITING IT ALREADY. *cries* Sou na...Sou....atashi wa ganrou desu.
I fuckin' hate you sometimes
------------
[Suigara] Ashes from the cigarette end
S x S
-------------
Black
The night hides many things. Strange, unfathomable dangerous
things that lurk in mysterious ways, that lurk unseen, beneath the surface, like a honeycomb buried deep undergound. Like desire.
Blood snaked to my feet, I followed, a vicious red trail, black under the glow of cold lights. I thought it was murder. It was. I thought it was a street fight. It wasn't. It was him. I didn't even need to look up, watching the blood pool around some whore's body, some cocksucking whore.
Maybe once I would have cared. Maybe once I would have cried. I won't now.
"Good evening, Subaru-kun." Honey.
I didn't look up. Red trails, red pools, white skin and red lips opened in a slient scream. He didn't even bother closing her eyes. I wonder nee-chan, did he close your eyes?
Maybe he did.
Maybe he didn't.
"Seishirou-san."
For a second I was struck with the incongruity of it all. My sister's murderer, former love of mine and I were standing in some alleyway along the backstreets of Shinjuku with a dead body between us. Oh yes, let's just have friendly conversation and smile at each other. He didn't seem to be bothered by this at all, smiling gently like there wasn't a dead body between us and that he hadn't killed my sister.
"So what brings you here tonight Subaru-kun? I'm afraid it isn't a very safe place for you to be in." A mockery of the man I fell in love with. A mockery of me.
I could feel the anger burning inside me, cold and vengeful. "I'm here to kill you." With that, I pulled out my ofuda, tossing them at him. "On-rei-ki-ku-man-shou!"
He deflected them easily, breaking my kekkai. He seemed amused, even laughing as he broke my defenses one after another.
"Do you really want to kill me Subaru-kun?"
"Yes." Attack.
With feral grace, he dodged my ofuda, and pressed me against the wall. "I don't think so Subaru-kun," he lips hovering dangerously close to my ear. I could feel my pulse quickening. "I don't think so at all." His tongue traced my skin, warm and wet and heated. Hands, sliding under my black
knit top, too gentle to be real.
"Seishirou-san...."
He didn't bother replying and kissed me.
It didn't feel like a kiss, there was no gentlessness in it, no love or kindness. Roughly and almost painfully, pressing my head against the grimy wall, the burning heat of lips and tongue and teeth that plunged in my mouth, taking and taking, never giving. A claiming, a command. Mine
He fucked me that night.
And the next. And the next. And the next.
Then I walked up to his apartment one day, and knocked.
He opened, smiled, welcomed me in.
And fucked me again.
But he never stayed.
I have no shame
I have no dignity
I am ---
Grey
The scent of stale sex and sweat hangs in the air. Moonlight seeps in, chilly and cold from the glass doors of his balcony. In the distance, I can hear the faint sound of a shower, the sound of water as he cleans himself again. He doesn't like the feel of someone else on him, or even the remenants of himself.
He comes out, dressed and prepared to leave.
"Seishirou-san?" It's the first time I've spoken after sex.
"Yes Subaru-kun?" He smiled, the dark of the room hiding his eyes. His hand was already on the doorknob.
"Stay tonight." I hated the plea that entered my voice.
I could sense his smile again. How useless, his smile. It carried nothing, conveyed nothing, showed nothing. Nothing but a mask, a pretense, a game he played when he chose to hide himself under the false sweetness of a deadly smile.
"What difference would it make?" The game has been played.
"It would Seishirou-san, it would." And you know it too
Footsteps, he stopped at the edge of my bed. I waited sliently for his decision, resisting the urge to look at his
face. My hands clenched the sheets tightly, knuckles white, made even whiter with moonlight.
"Very well." And his weight settled next to mine. We slept.
Dawn woke me. I stared, sliently contemplating on his sleeping face. I dressed quietly, afraid to wake him too early. My hand reached for the doorknob -click-
And I left him.
Waking alone on a cold and empty bed.
White
I stopped seeing him. It was a tacit agreement, and we never spoke of it. Days after that, I had a message from Hinoto, to meet my destiny at Rainbow Bridge. I shrugged at it, uncaring. The people I loved had died, the person I loved most had never existed. Who was I to care about the fate of the universe, the fate of the world or whatever percarious balance that held it together?
Humans were walking to their own destruction.
"Good afternoon, Subaru-kun."
"Seishirou-san." Star-shaped kekkai formed.
A maroboshi descended, and we fought.
I was losing, I knew it. I might have the power, but he had the experience and I ended up losing more energy than I could afford. I saw his arm raised against me, high, ready to slice through my body and rip out my bloody, pumping, red heart.
I closed my eyes and-
Swirls of sakura, a white shinfuku
If you ever use this method against Subaru-kun...
A farewell smile. The light of a spell. Blood....
Hokuto. Hokuto dying. Hokuto's last spell...
And I stared at his body in my arms.
"Seishirou-san?" My voice barely voice above a whisper.
He was dying.
He opened his eyes, a smile forming on his lips again. Automatic. Hokuto's last spell, he explained. To prevent him from ever killing me this way. My head spun dizzily, staring blankly at him. My hand was still inside his body, warm and sticky bloody staining my white trenchcoat a deep red, his heart pumping against my hand as I felt him die.
"Subaru-kun....I-I----"
I closed my eyes, understanding. "You said those words I never expected to hear." And I wept.
I wished for him to kill me.
I wished for death.
Even that, he had taken away from me.
I was alive.
I wept for the death that was taken from me.
--------------------End---------
I frikkin hate you now.
very very disgruntled tsu
+tsu waited for you at 12:08 a.m.+
Listening to: Kigan
I just cut my hair.
I just cut sak's hair too.
*giggles*
It looks better now, neater.
And sak seems to like hers.
Yay yay yay~
^__________^
Grounchy mood. Grounchyness because Auddy isn't online and when she -does- get online, my net connection breaks down. *grumps* arrghhhhhhhh
So I whine an awful lot.
Got a problem?*glares*
Feel itchy under my skin guragurapurapura And it's irritating. Very irritating. It's like I don't know, pain but it's an odd sort of happy pain. How do I explain without sounding like bloody masohist?
Actually, it can be summed as "Fuck fuck fuck."
Like I'm supposed to do something and I'm not doing it that's why it's getting under my skin. Geddit? And it gives me more energy than usual but hurts like shit because I'm not doing whatever the energy wants me to do. Like, damn. And I like energy that's why it feels good. But I don't like pain. Arghh.
I need to waste it, not listen to Dir en Grey.
For some reason, it makes it worse.
*slams keyboard*
Arghhhhhhhhh
WHERE'S THE STONE WHEN I NEED IT?
Sometimes I don't feel like me
Feels like something else is in me
It's annoying, get lost
I can't remember
ARGHHHHHH
ARRGHHHH ARRGHH ARRGHHHH
ARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
love ARRRGHHH
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 11:34 p.m.+
Listening to: The Real Folk Blues'
The vote is currently 4:3 Hurry up damnit! Go vote you livejournal users! *smacks all* You guys better vote for Toshiya or I will -kill- you. *watches neko* I am watching you~
*eye glitter dangerously*
I won't let Audy call me Kyo ever again!
-----
Busy ficcing. Well, I'm still trying to study but rather uselessly. You know how useless it is? It's disgustingly useless. The whole exam taking thing is too long and full of sh*t. And I really really really hate Add Math.
My sis friends came over yesterday, pretty okay. Sak stayed over and we marathoned DN Angel. Conclusion: Risa and Riku spoil EVERY SINGLE ROMANTIC MOMENT. *gags* All the lovely Satoshi moments spoilt completely by a pair of useless whiny
twins, one with an attitude problem and the other with not enough attitude.
I'm getting hooked on doing random stuff on lj.
This is crazy.
I love pitas in the end anyway *hugs* fidelity.
-----
NEW FIC NOTICE
Kaoru x Shinya
Real Folk Blues'
Chapter One
Yeah I know I still need to finish S-teki etc.
But this idea was irresistable.
love (and enjoy!)
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 09:46 p.m.+
It's 12.54 am and I've managed to get myself so utterly depressed listening to Cowboy Bebop that I'm inventing new ways of Shinya-suicide and tearing like there's no tomorrow. Oh god. What an idiot I am. I'm so idiotic I can listen to music and start crying because I'm writing a FIC! For god's sake can you believe how dumb I am?
dumbass tsu
love ya all *cries* BUUWHHHHAAAA! SHINYA DIES!
+tsu waited for you at 12:54 a.m.+
Meep~ the crackage of the squiggle
Listening to: Real Folk Blues
Errghh... Long two days' Very long.
Yesterday
Sent my brother off to the airport, he's going to London/Liverpool for 10 days' while I'm slogging my guts out on my exam papers. Finished part of the Kao x Shin fic, then I realized it sucked like shit because of the squiggle.
Let me explain.
People's minds work like patterns
You catch the pattern, you know the person
Or at least the most basic rough way
And Kaoru's mind was a bloody squiggle.
And I couldn't read it.
Kyo's one is fairly easy, it's a zigzag, keep to the left and you got it right halfway. Shinya's one is a line, soft pencil line. Toshiya's one is like a curvy ball, or a swerve. Die....arrghh...I don't like him much but if you have to know it's a bunch of dots.
Kaoru's one is a bloody squiggle
I didn't get it so when I tried to understand my brain just fell flat.
Then at 2.47 am in the morning....
Today
At 2.47am I BROKE IT!
I finally understood.
You have to slide with the squiggle to understand it.
And then TA DA! 1ST PERSON KAORU!
*ish happy*
God knows I tried...
Anyhow I'm really happy after 8 agonizing hours of writing and rewriting and deleting then writing again. LOL. Slept badly, as in superemely tossing-turning sleep, somehow managed to wake up in time to meet Auddy
*yawm* mumblemeepmoosft *drag feet* mimble *brush teeth* arrgh *yawn*
Yeah, I'm not a happy camper in the morning.
Anyhow, met her at Orchard dressed in my dastardly best. Watched Shark's Tale in cineleisure, bought Saku Kyo pic for her, bought a sparky necklace for myself, bought I, Lucifer (Glen Duncun) and had a fun day~
~Happy~
The fish was adorable
~Happy~
The pocky tastes good
~Happy~
I have a sparky necklace!
<3 <3 <3
Was really nice day~
Went to my aunt's opening day and acted like I usually did, polite, distant and sufficently charming so that I won't be labelled anti-social. Just, sufficently. As in speak cantonese for a while, nod your head shyly, blush a little, be polite, walk around and then run and hide. See?! I'm polite. *stifles laughter* Polite enough that is, to say that I thought it was frikkin ostentious complete with a buffet and lion dancers. LION DANCERS?! That nice funky guy at the coffeshop was right. As in garish, extra and totally unessescary.
Okay, I'm just pissed off cos it ended late.
And that my mom gets on my nerves (like now)
It's not her fault really
I hate to sound snobbish and all
but she really DOESN'T UNDERSTAND
And it's not her fault because she simply doesn't have the capacity to
It's got nothing to do with age either
It's a sense of -awareness-
Sensitivity, tact, diplomancy that she lacks
And she just smiles so idiotically as if by smiling everything will be alright.
ARGHHHHHHHH
Mothers.......*grumps*
Tried some weird livejournal thingy, it's
Here Anyhow, I got Toshiya Whee~ I'm a supposed slut/nymphomaniac with a thing for the colour blue, with a hankering to be Kaoru's Sex Toy. LOL. Nah. I'm just being sarcastic. It's just the potrayal in so many fics that I just want to giggle badly. Not, "hehehehe" but "guhahahahgu"
You get it? No? Good.
^_____________^
back to writing now
No rest for the wicked
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 09:36 p.m.+
Listening: Real Folk Blues
Tsu is:
-Indugling in Shinya Torture (NEW FIC!)
-Indulging in Kaoru Torture (NEW FICS!)
-Laughing at squiggly lines
-Fic writing new fic, called "Zentai [nth]"
-Listening to whiny Kaoru music
-Feeling less disgruntled
-Trying to finish writing before her brother kicks her out
-Happy that Chemistry was pretty easy
-Thinking of going for Jap classes
-Nothing at all
Announcement: FTP program finally up! Expect to see a slew of fics by 22 Nov (last day of exams)
Ja sprite!
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 11:40 p.m.+
Yuuyami and the Stoner buys some stones
Listening to:Gravitation and Dir en Grey
Ahhhhh I feel so clear-headed and clean~ Bought stones today, mostly bits of quartz, amenthysts, some carnelian and 2 tiger eyes. The best of the lot was a huge chunk of absolutely clear amber and a semi-included rose quartz and onyx.
I love the amber! It's my crystal *heart*
I react best with it, while my sis has a perference for amenthyst.
My mom is so unaware she's barely psychic, but affrinity with carnelian. -______- I am not going to comment on her self-unawareness. Anyhow, the cleansing/healing worked for me and sis, and we both felt a great sense of calm and light-heartedness. I think it's good for you ne~ Like you need to bathe, so does your spiritual and mental state.
Anyhow, I'm willing to do it for anyone
I hope that I can get better and better
Then maybe soon I'll be able to see auras all the time
Instead of after a long long while
Actually crystal healing is based on science, since crystals have natural frequency and wavelengths, and their simplicity and arrangement produces a resonance in us.
^_____________________^
Purple sky. Hmnnn... good news~ I think I need a layout change though, what do you think? No jrock or anything...Feel like something light and gauzy, floating and gently grounding. Maybe a shimmery shade or something.
I actually like this cream colour.
Looks like old fashioned vanilla.
Anyhow, the Math paper was okay even though I lost marks for the incircle questions and that kind of junk. Argh. I hate it. Did the rest of the questions and when I saw the Pythargorous Triples' I rejoiced! WOOT! I actually researched on that before so it was no problem at all~ Yeshhhhh~ yay~~~
Yuuyami.
Means "coming darkness" I think
It means "sunset" though
Cool right?
Didn't catch the sunset today
But it was alright~
Cos I knew it was a beautiful one
Yuuyami~ LOL. Strange thing is I'm not really scared of the night, I'm scared of the dark (2 very different things) I think my head is still stuck on a psychic cloud. LOL. It feels nice. Like, white and clear and clean and refreshing, like a karmic bathtub.
And I didn't dream today.
Nice right?
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 10:07 p.m.+
Graphs and the Third Kind Encounters
Listening to: Bohemian Like You and Macabre
Happy happy happy! I got an email from someone who likes my fica~ It's nice to know that people appreciate my writing. LOL. People outside the circle of my friends and teachers~
Had tuition today to prepare for the major exams for tomorrow, ugh, I hate E Math Paper2. Why do they ask us to do such rubbish anyway? It's not like I'm going to ever use it later in life. Okay. Maybe I'll use percentages and ratios but vectors and intergration? Please. *rolls eyes in disgust* It's not like I'm apply a PhD in Mathematics.
Today the sunset was really fantastic. It wasn't like yesterday's luminousity but rather, it was like the silky organza material that overlaid over the peacock blue, like someone was slowly scrapping away the blue to reveal a layer
of gold underneath. Warm gold y'know...not the tacky yellow but warm and amber-ish and romantically tinted with pinkish hues. Was like dipping them in butter. And at the Farrer Expressay, you could see the 3/4 moon, like a dewdrop, rising against ultramarine and the other side, blocks of flats flooded with the clarity of sunset.
So pretty~ *sighs happily*
Even the clouds were darkish teal today
Peaks of mountains rising in a valley of cloud mists
Like the hidden story of Kyo no to y'know?
The one about the valley of Ito
Today feels like a vintage dress. Those retro-ish patterns in muted candy coloured with victorian hemming and flower child symbols~ LOL. Swirly twirly dancing things, sparkles. Like shades of yellows and warm pink and orange and red in flowerets. Soft, comfortable, a little worn out but generally happy.
Monkeys are funny...I read about the 100th Monkey Phenomen once, and it got stuck in my head since forever. It means that after a while, someone does something and then everyone, the entire natural system, follows it. The person or thing which does the first change is the 100th Monkey and I keep on thinking that maybe I can be a 100th Monkey one day, and even if I wasn't the 100th I could be the 1st or the 99th and someone along the way could finish the job. Like Enistein's 1000 lightbulbs. Someone had to finish the Monkey, and he did.
Cool concept right?
That every single thing you do could be THE monkey
Tonight the sky is warm violet, no rain then. It's no longer that digustingly strange unnatural artifical flesh-pink, which looks far too much like silicon-skin for my liking. It's no longer the maroon of autumn, that means the Ghost-season for me is offically over. Yurameki season, or October season lasts for as long as the red sky for me. It starts when I first see the bloody sky, y'know...the colour of dead people, dead nations and when the wind begins to smell like the north, like rotten and decay and magic and strange whispery things which people with no shadows walk on
raining pavements. Oh well, it's offically over which means that I should be back to normal soon~ Or as normal as I can be~ Yay right?
No more weird temprementalness!
ahahahahahah ^____________^
And something I remembered dreaming about yesterday...Metallic roses.. Strange right? Some blue coloured builing with shiny stuff, looks like Wisma Atria. Except it isn't. Pink metallic roses, made of bronze I think and black velvet. Lots of junk ^_____^
Going to Kinokuniya tomorrow, I'm picking up some manga like JUVENILE ORION!!! xD xD And some cystal stuff~ LOL. I'll go after E Math I think, wait, I know. ^_____________^ *laughs happily* I dunno, I'm amusing myself I think.
Can't wait for my exams to end
Fics to write, stuff to draw/paint, jobs
and learning Japanese.
Must ask Lareina for the school name and place.
Ahhh.....I hope I'll get a job
Want cash for buying presents~!
love esp to you
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 09:53 p.m.+
.......And they died happily together
Listening to: Dandy Warhols and Dir en Grey
If yesterday was hotarubi, today is egnirys cimredopyh and bohemian like you. LOL. The ending is so cute~ "I like yoooou" Anyhow, was amazingly sunny weather after all the gloomy London-like rainyness. I'm talking about that untainted blue sky, as blue as the shades of carribean with fluffy clouds that look like cotton, so fluffy like omelatte or something. Hot sweaty weather but nice change. Rather artifical shade of blue though, gets irritating after a while.
Read finished Digital Fortress, cos I was dead bored. It's okay, but the answer is too obvious. *rolls eyes in disgust* Insults your intelligence or something. Tuition was the same, and I can honestly say my math sucks. What does it suck? It sucks the dirt of stupidity, the cesspool of ignorance. HAH!
The light was particulary fine today. Luminous. It's not often you see luminous light in the late afternoon, usually it's in the morning. It bathed the room in this warm, melting buttery apricot gold, like pale amber liquid that just flooded the inside. Very pretty. I stuck my hands into and watched my hands glow like pinky opaque rose quartz, and watched the Add Math equations suddenly shimmer into light.
Very nice indeed.
Almost makes me wish I had a camera.
Come to think of it, I always wish I have a camera.
So many things to look at you know.
A dragonfly got eaten by a lizard, and it went chomp chomp. It had a pinky tongue, forked and was bright toxic green and it started chomping from the tail end to the front. Like eating red sasauge except that the wings were beating frantically, slightly transparent, like dewdrops. It looked like a very happy lizard and a rather sad dragonfly. Feel sorry for the dragonfly, it was big and pretty.
I think Sharon is angry at me.
I thought of blue lotuses on walls again, like those blue poreclein vases with flower designs against those walls. You know blue lotuses, they're clinging against the too smooth white walls and the dark blue looks like a brushwork on a canvas. Then again, isn't it?
*thinks*
I want to see fireflies.
Anyone knows a good place?
Was kinda dull today. Not dull dull, but dull as in grey hazy dullness that seems to go "plat!" on your mind like a blanket and prevent anything overly colourful from coming in. Like, PLAT!
Don't be disgruntled you disgruntled person.
You're making me feel disgruntled too.
I'm a bloody sponge remember?
Meh moofy meep moo...*blows hair* aahahahhahahha...maybe I'm
just stressed or something. I dunno. I woke up thinking that maybe today would be a 100th Monkey. I'm not sure but who cares? 100th Monkeys rock. I also found a book I didn't know I have but I did and it was H.G Wells The New Miachevellism. Errghhh....I haven't even finished Stephen Wright after my mom took it from me.
Going to get some stuff tomorrow.
Better get something for disgruntled one too.
^______________^ And prolly go buy something for Huiran
Aahahahaha...I met her at tuition.
She's nice! Well, sort of.
But then again, I'm kinda unfriendly don't ya think?
I'm grounchy now. Meep. I guess it never occured to her that maybe y'know the reason I know she's disgruntled is cos I know things like that. Hey! I live with a tempremental mother, a moody brother and a super sensitive sister. LOL. Gimme some credit here.
meemoofosovch.
I'm going to get those protective un-sponging stones tmr.
Santi-U?
love *glompy meepy moop*
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 10:55 p.m.+
Frosting~ [the lotus that grows on the wall]
Listening to: Kasumi and Morning Musume
Would anyone believe me if I said that Kyo sounds really good with Morning Musume? They should duet!
^________^
Add Math was bad
It was plain terrifying
ARGGHHHHHHH
I'm not going to talk about it
The sky is crazy pink. It's bright, titration rose pink and sunset was 5 hours ago! There's something wrong with the sky. It's not dark, at all, and it's 11.52 on my clock. >_< what kind of night is this?? Pale flesh rose quartz pink, unnaturally dyed into a plastic shade. I know from yesterday it's half-moon, very strange indeed. I'll watch it more.
I won't be suprised if some people feel itchy
Underneath skin itchy
Thankfully this time I'm going to set up shields.
Damnit I'm not a sponge and won't BE one
Even if I have to spend all my cash buying crystals
Kinokuniya is having a Tokyo Science Fair, and they're selling tumbled crystals, crystal spears (no inclusions) and gem books all at 10% off ^__________^ I'm gointg to take this chance to pick up a rose quartz spear, amenthyst cystal (tumbled) and hopefully an apache tear or obsidian or fire agate. Need to clean and heal my aura and stuff, it's good to do it once in a while.
And I really need protective stones, and grounding ones before I go crazy. Ugh. At least winter is almost set. That means that (hopefully) my mood will not swing so much, that I won't go crazy and whine/sulk/cry/laugh all at the same time. LOL, emotional stability is the top of my list~
Plus I get the added advantage of being able to ill-wish.
Ahhh....revenge
I heard a tune that reminds me of the patterns I saw on the concrete floor. It's grey and soft, with flickering shadwos, none black just different shades of moving grey like the whisper of wind in the trees, the whisper of forgotteness, the whisper of an age of heartache.
It reminds me of 2046, has that same sort of nostalgic loss in it, quiet despair due to the relentless tide of change and progress, the shape of circumstances.
I sometimes think that maybe you know, I should find a song that I really love, but I can't seem to. Even Dir en Grey, I just feel a reluctant sort of complacency, that I am listening to something because it's okay and I can't be bothered to get anything better. And then once in a while, I just "bump" into beautiful tunes that just come and leave like the brief passing of a spring dream. So much so that usually I can't remember how it actually sounded, and what leaves is just the briefest impression of magic
I saw dragonflies today at the bustop too. I kept on trying to look at them clearly, but the sun was in my eyes, and I could see the faint stem of red and the flicker of buzzing wings beating against the sky. It's strange to think that tomorrow, or sunday, or monday, they would be gone. That the
circles they were flying in, utterly random, utterly perfect spirals were all useless cause they were going to die within 24 hours anyway. Kyou summed it up for me before, when I told her how beautiful they were, :" They hatch, fuck and die within 24 hours". It was just strange, I think. When I remember today. I think I saw at least 20 dragonflies.
20 graves huh?
who knows?
It was like, the dazzling 10am morning sunshine, the bright green trees that lined the roads, people chattering and talking behind me, mutters of the exam, the hot dusty trail of cars and buses and then- up above- dozens of dying dragonflies flying about, glimmering when the sunlight caught the red of their bodies, the glimmering iridiscent wings.
And then I just really wanted to say it to someone, but I don't really know how. I just told Auddy, "Look, dragonflies." I wanted to tell her how beautiful they were, how brief they were and how what I was saying really didn't matter cos what really mattered what the dragonflies.
Sometimes I feel very clumsy with my expression
I can never seem to find the right words, right sayings
Weird considering I talk so much
Rachel Koh was really sad yesterday after lit, I wanted to hug her and tell her that it was going to be alright because in the end, what mattered was the wind and dragonflies, and the things that she knew inside. Rachel Koh is very smart. Not smart smart but she -knows-. Like things. Secret things. But she was really unhappy, and I was being clumsy again so I just said: "It's okay." Quite useless huh?
And yes, Increase Blue does sound like Shinya's composition. The drums halfway in the middle are the same as Umbrella. Cool huh?
I don't think I make much sense at times. Yare yare...don't snicker. You know something interesting? People think I'm fascinating. Not pretty or anything, but fascinating. They think I'm some sort of interesting person that actually has a life and does Very Important Things when all I actually do is nothing. I don't have much of a life. LOL, don't believe me? Ask Auddy. She says I'm a Nobel Prize Winner for Stoning. LOL. I don't believe it though, Mistah Tooru Niimura is more of one.
Very strange mood tonight, not sad though. Pretty happy actually, gave 2 hearts~ It's a Hotarubi+Kasumi+LastHigh day. Morning Musume is more like a ummm...dunno...cover.
------random incident---------
Sometimes I accidentally remember things I don't want to remember. Stuff that I have never really told anyone (and never will), not even my sister or even Audy. It's like today I was walking home when I just suddenly remembered something, like a rush of painful blood, an injection of thoughts and I was just so overcome with it I just sat on the bustop.
And then I remember the dim lights, the wooden chairs, the smell of an old leather sofa and the quiet but insistent ticking of a clock. I remember the hot sweaty clammy sheets that wrapped around me, strangling and choking and trying to kill me as I hid under it, hoping that they would go away. I
thought of it and - started to cry. I just sat down on the bustop and started crying, much to the bemusement of the public.
Was so strange, so sudden, that I didn't even know.
I mean it seemed like a perfectly normal day, went out with Audy to Orchard, sat for a paper, bought apple pie for sis, Audy bought me pie too (sankyuu!~), read books at Kinokuniya. So what happened? What really happened?
I don't really know either.
What scares me is just that I didn't know I had so many suppressed emotions. It was like wham! bam! huh what?
LOL. Strange, to think about it now.
But I'm really fine, no worries.
Just a little surprised at myself that's all.
Like, where's my hard earned control?
--------end incident---------
I think I want to cut my hair.
LOL. I'm so random.
You know everytime I think of Last High I think of a picture
I saw with overlaying amber coloured screens over pale slivery mesh. Yeah, that's how the song looks like, layers and layers of amber and yellow and silver and grey.
I just realized I have a habit of writing silver as sliver.
LOL, someone should correct me.
Okay, enough of blue lotuses on walls.
Well, not really. Blue lotuses on walls rock.
And my eyes are beginning to hurt.LOL
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 11:29 p.m.+
Listening to: Yuuyami Suicide and Lareina's CD
Thanks very much to Lareina, now I have a whole CD filled with wonderful wonderful crack sounding, speed jumping, LSD inducing Peirrot. YAY YAY YAY YAY!!!! *hops around madly*
Math was superisingly OK, and I could do the questions (amazing eh?) and I finished it on time too! (Auddy's watch!) IT WAS FINE! OH MY GOD! I COULD DO IT! ^______^ THANK YOU MS YUE! THANK YOU JUN!! *says her happy prayers* Ahahaha...And I'm not holy either. Anyhow, I'm also kinda worried that the Math 2 would be hard then. >___< Bleh. Think GOOD Thoughts!
Oh yeah, LITERATURE WAS FANTASTICAL! *thanks Mrs Low and all the wunnerful teachers of IJ* THEY PREDICTED ALL THE QUESTIONS AND IT CAME OUT! It was exactly the same as the questions for our mid-year and prelims, and all I had to do was remember what they asked us to do and just spit it all out. It was GREAT! I did Secret Sharer and the complusory Odour question. Was really fun, I ended up writing 28 sides and 14 sheets~ Blessed be the wonderful Literature teachers who managed to predict EVERY SINGLE QUESTION except for the unseen.
Ahhh....happiness
^________________^
I just hope tomorrow's Add Math paper is easy
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 09:06 p.m.+
Listening to: crash music
uweiarygPHYSICS WAS SO BADwegfywdgp;qjkhdsARRGH ARRGH ARRGHekwqgfywykgfagdhscI HATE O LEVELSailhflqaeuigfuewARRGH ARRGH ARRGHkhuihweuf
I hate China boys.
Especially Mr Oh so Destructive Demon Zang Shu.
ARRGHHH!!! Bad Bad Bad!!! The Section B was okay but Section C nearly killed me!!! The questions weren't easy (no matter what neko says) they were SHIT. (Even Kim, miss 74/75 for Physics groused) I'm praying that the Chemistry paper will be easier.
English was okay. I hate Zang Shu
T____________________T
Tomorrow is crappy too. My Math paper starts at 0800 finishes at 1000. Then I have Literature I at 1400 and Literature II at 1600. I come home at 6!!!!!!!!!!! T___T Frikking exams~
akgcfjfga-BLAH-kgfawyhieg;
Damn damn dammn
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 09:07 p.m.+
I was just thinking
How lucky I really am
True, my life isn't perfect
In fact, there's lots of things I will never admit to
Much less talk about
And yet, I feel lucky.
People are very lonely
Can you imagine?
Little sim people in their own little grey cells with no doors, straving
I keep on wondering why people find it so hard
After all, if you have a problem, solve it
And yet when it came to my own
I can honestly say it was 5 parts hell, 1 part heaven
And I think Auddy would say the same
But we did it
Somehow
^_________^
I love you anyway
But someone's entry made me think today, what about those that didn't?
Half stuck in loneliness, half stuck in another orbit
Transitional, I reckon
They're too scared to love
Too proud to have show weakness
But is it?
One of our basic human instincts is to be together, not alone. We're not meant to be solitary, it's against natural laws. You can see it in dolphins, chimpanzees...yet we're so stupid that we can't even admit that we want company, that we seek to connect, however small.
I feel sorry for her
But y'know......
The first step is always yourself.
Ganbatte~
Some people are sleeping cold tonight
-----------------
the cold seeps into my bones
I shiver, chilled
damp beads of water sliding against frozen skin
unmelted, frosted, hardened like ice
the blue of my lips
the blue of my skin
it's so cold, I can't feel
Grasping, I move my hand numbly towards you
unwillingness of movement, unexpressive
keep trying, keep trying
but you move away far too soon
and I cannot show what I desperately feel
the blue of my limbs
the blue of my veins
it's so cold
The blue coldness
Creulean light, brilliant cold and bright
Nothing nothing, unmelting
Keeps me hard, keeps me strong
And yet...stagnant, unmoving, unknowning
Can you....? My unmoving mouth
Can you...? The stillborn words
And the cold remains
----------------
Went for class, dressed up with eyeliner (black!) and black clothes. LOL, Jun said I wasn't scary enough, I looked more like happy bouncy evil than deadly evil.
What the hell is Yoshiki coming up with now? Look
I feel kinda stoned
I think I studied too much
Brainfreeze, braindead, brain-no-answer
Somehow, Zakuro makes me giggly insanely
I think it's the soap opera-ish guitar riff
Or maybe Kyo saying "aishiteru" until he constipates on stage.
---------------
Winter night, snowy night
The crane sleeps, wings folded in the nest
A flute plays, wailing
the scent of sandalwood incense hangs
The perfume- a rush of memories
In the autumn of 1179, the golden leaves of maple
The scent of death, of dying, of winter coming
Minamoto and Taira, the cry of wind and mother's souls
Forgotten, lost sons that died in unknown lands
Scattered feathers from the nest
The crane waits, praying for the storm to end
At the autumn of my age, I buried the spring of you
I weeped, as mothers only know
I weeped, and wondered at life's cruelties
I weeped, until my tears died and weeped no more
Now it is my winter
I listen to the sorrowful lament of the flute
Staring across the rooftops of a city I knew
Only now with a different name
As the moon rises, a harvest moon
As the wind chills, a northern wind
I wait patiently to join you
Just as a crane sleeps in her nest
-----------------------
I suppose I need to explain. The references to the crane and dates are found in Heian period/Fedual period, where there's a lovely haiku about how a mother watches the snow and imagines a crane protecting her nest, and prays that the crane protects her son too. Another reason is the imagery, crane or miyabi was one of the two virtues of court. Minamoto/Taira is Genji/Heike. I just used different names.
Do you sometimes get the feeling that everything is just for nothing?
Sorry.
I think exams are getting to me
Either that or I just feel sad for losing my comp.
*hugs it* Yeah it's slow and old and all
But.......I wrote my first fic on this!
When I first had broadband, it was on this
So old huh?
Makes me feel positively ancient too
feelings seem to drift
in and out of this sepia toned nostalgia
warmed by the thoughts of you and I
as I walk through the blue of the jaded sun
It's an old line. I wrote it a season back. Strangely unsettling to know you can re-use the same emotions for the same things. Maybe Christmas is actually a glass ball. Who knows?
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 07:33 p.m.+
Listening to: Morning Musume
I think people underestimate the Power of Morning Musume ^^ I'm turning into an addict~ *watches everyone go into shock* Yep! It's amazingly fun to sing along deattara sugu koi ni natta (I'M IN LOVE YOU GO BOY)kidocchanai unmei no renai
(I'M IN LOVE YOU GO BOY)
I'm beginning to forget that I actually have Dir en Grey.
Kidding! Kidding! Don't kill me yet!
It's been raining constantly these past few days, and it's beautiful. Seventeen colours of grey I saw yesterday, like the colours of Northern winds, pale spidersilk grey, shifting and moving like the tide.
Grey is a lovely shade.
It's also a non-entity colour
Maybe it'll make a good name for a chara
Have his whole family named after colours
Grey, Smoke, Ivory, Sliver, Ebony, Ash
Or some would say an oversized brain tumour.^^;;
Actually.....I'm feeling rather, I don't know - annoyed? confused? irritated? sad? My mom is driving me insane, and she's doing it for my own good. I know she really wants me to go to a university and continue in JC, but she doesn't really consider what I want and she just goes on and on about how I have her hopes, and that she's confident in me and that she's willing to pay for my overseas education even if my father doesn't pay.
I feel so guilty.
And really really uncomfortable.
You know those self-help books only teach you how to deal with favouritism
But they never tell you what you're supposed to do on the other side of the equation.
I'll rather she pinned her hopes on my sister
She's brilliant, I'm not.
I'm just really likable and kinda dumb
I have useless pursuits, like chiyogami
And I'm really scared of disappointing her.
Arrrghhh...pressure
And the worst thing is that it's eating me up, chewing my insides like a grubby worm and spitting them out when it's grey and rotted.
What am I supposed to do?
T__________T
I hate O levels
I hate being 16.
For the hundreth thousand time I wish I wasn't so bloody frikkin' -special-
And yes I do know that my siblings are problably jealous
Does it help if I know?
Not really. I just feel sick.
But feelings, much like everything else, can't be dictated
So. Fxck it.
------------------------------
Exams are next week, I swear one day that some poor sod of a student will go bonkers, and there'll be a massacare at Cambridge Syndicate HeadQuarters (tm).
Blood will run on the walls.
It's strange, but my study hours are from 11pm to 5.30am. Quiet to study at those hours, you know? The traffic slows down to a murmur, the night feels cool and the sky isn't that shade of red-blown-flesh anymore, no more cooked meat hanging. It's a deep violet, like the colour of pansies, the colour of thoughts (pensive) and dreams and other dark subconscious things.
I like it.
Playing my CDs while studying, the stratch of a pencil, the sound of a slowly rotating, and the sound of an occasional thunderstorm.
LOL, I just remembered something.
A question said: "Suicide is...?"
LOL, to quote Kirito: "Suicide is sunset"
I think I'll agree
Every day, the Sun voluntarily sets in all countries
Every day, the Sun dies and suicides
You watch it. I watch it.
The blast of pinks and golds and bloodthirsty red, the dying hues of acid pink and pale green, the mourning of twilight. The splatter against the concrete of the sky. Isn't that dying? Isn't that suicide?
^____________________^
I doubt Kirito meant it that way though
Oh well.
Hmnn...livejournal is problamatic. Arghhh~ Whyyyy? Oh well. *sighs* Come what may.
(This is what you get for betraying Pitas.com)
Divine retribution I guess, LOL.
love colours of the night
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 01:20 p.m.+
Because I'm Dead Bored. That's why.
Listening to: Deadman (because I want to)
The weather needs to control its raging hormones and stop pouring -WET- rain like wet dreams. *obscene gesture* Screw ya.
I'm not in a nifty mood. In fact, I'm rather brain dead and what I really want to do is curl up in a nice fluffy sofa with a blanket and a remote control for more mindless channel surfing on the google box. Yayz.
Literature is draining.
Social studies is more so.
History is about to kill me I swear.
Aarrgh arrrghh arrgghhh
And the papers are in 3! days time (what am I doing online?)
hasgflnkdslahygdkpcfipq
----------------
Stolen from Neko
1. What was the first genre you read fanfiction in?
Gundamn Wing, Heero x Duo, NC-17 by Sliverfox, March 1998
2. What was the first genre you wrote fanfiction in?
Clamp X/Tokyo Babylon, Kakyou x Subaru, "Ocean."
3. What was your original favorite coupling?
Was and still "is" *smiles* Seishirou x Subaru!
4. What is your current favorite coupling(s)?
Seishirou x Subaru (Clamp)
Kyo/Kaoru/Toshiya x Shinya (DeG)
Tatsumi x Watari (Yami no Matsuei)
Snape x Lupin (Harry Potter)
Krief(?) x Grey (my own fiction. hah!)
5. What were your original thoughts on yaoi / slash?
"Omigod Omigod! It's so disgusting! Eee! I want to read more!"....'Nuff said.
6. What are your current thought on yaoi / slash?
Anything goes...including your arsehole ^^v
7. Which three fanfic authors influenced you the most?
A lot actually. Leareth, Beth, VanillaMint, Ivy Blossom, Sliverfox, Saskia....errgh. Too many.
8. Who is your current favorite fanfic author?
Clees' I think. And Kitty.
9. Who is your favorite fanfiction author of all time?
Madamhydra. Honestly I like books better, in that case, I'll say that Fritzgerald and Atwood has made the most.
10. Who is your favorite fanfic character of all time?
Say after me~! SEI-SHI-ROU! Epitome of cool...
11. What is the longest fanfic you've completed and how long was it?
Completed and unposted would be the 50+ chapter, "Lakspur". Completed and posted? "A Place of Your Own" Dir en Grey
12. Which of your fics is you favorite?
In Ten Days', Love Replica and A Place of Your Own.
13. Which of your fics is your least favorite?
"Onus of Politically Correct", Muraki x Tatsumi.
14. What is your favorite genre you've written in?
I stick to reality. No AUs for me (though I've been tempted xD)
15. What genre will you never touch with a ten foot pole?
Die x Shinya (my utter biasness) and beastiality.
16. How many pen names have you had?
Dunno....the only thing constant is my blog, so I guess roughly 7.
17. How many total stories have you written and published on the Web?
Too many and too little. Umm....I think 27-ish. Including the stuff I lost would be 30+ish
18. How many of those were lemons / contained sex?
In my mind, I have lemons every time I have A Math classes. Published? Twice.
19. How many current WIP's do you have open?
4.
20. What fanfic kink do you read / write that disturbs you the most?
I'm a sadistic teenager (quote Mrs Low) so I enjoy anything distrubing. I draw a line at animals though. No dear, Chocobo sex is NOT cool.
love
*very tired* tsu
+tsu waited for you at 11:41 p.m.+
Any reason or another.....[ramblings]
Listening to: Pierrot
After looking through my (small) HDD, I just realized I owned only 4 Pierrot songs despite the fact that I like them alot. As in A LOT. What's surprisingly is that people don't like them much, and that most people won't believe me if I said it was Pierrot's junkie music that keeps me happy. Seriously, you want a quick high? Listen to Pierrot and you'll find yourself dancing in no time.
After much soul-searching (hah!) I can safely tell you who's the best lyricist in Japan
*drumroll*
Shiina Ringo!!
Actually I thought Kyo would win, and it was a pretty close draw. Kyo, lyrics wise, has one of the most idiomatic kanji expressions (some which he made himself I'm sure), some which defy meaning/metaphorical speech like "ringo to ichigo" (apple to strawberry?). Plus there are some truly beautiful expressions, eg. "tsumetai taiyou atarashii iro ni kaete" ("the cold sun changes to a new colour/season").
BUT!
Shiina Ringo comes tops because she's even WORSE than Kyo. For every 2 notes I write for Kyo, I write 5 for Ms. Shiina Ringo. Which other singer would use obscure references like "Montesque"? (re: french writer) or for Gods' sake, sing in phonetic Japanese? Or use a really hard version of kana that came before the standardization in WWII? Or title a song "Yattsuke Shigoto"? (re: Shit/Useless/No reason Office Job)
Plus her lyrics aren't confined to angst!suicide!pain!....Ahahaha..One of my fave songs is the Pizza Place song (title which I can't remember because it's just darn random).
So the wackiest lyrics award has to be her. In terms of the pain I go through to tediously use a search engine because my dictionary only covers normal kana/kanji, her work is just.....-_______-
Studied with Auddy today (if it can be called studying), had cheesecake (marshed into 2 eggs) and is the parentheses annoying you? (YES!)
I like Kirito.
Ahahaha...He shares the same birthday as Shinya.
And his drug-ridden lyrics are just damn funny.
Especially since he sings it with a heck-care attitude.
And the irony is that his songs are more or less a musical version of speed.
I'm looking for chiyogami/washi designs for my next layout~
Does anyone even know what I'm talking about half the time?
It's not like I'm purposely being obscure. Anyhow. Chiyogami means "thousand years" gami/kami "paper/gods". It's origami paper. Actually, it's a beautiful meaning to it, if you think about it. "A thousand years of generations, folded by god."
If you're interested, this guy has pretty good designs HERE or HERE
"washi" is higher quality chiyogami. As in handmade superduper expensive types. I know that cos I bought a pack before (with gold trimmings!) for roughly $7.90 for 10 sheets. But it's beautifully heavy, and creases with a delicate precision you don't see nowadays. Actually, it's a good idea if you're folding something like a crane or sakura, because anything large scale and the design becomes less apparent. (eg. modulars/electras)
Actually I adore the patterns.
My particular favourite is the washi with pink sakura and sliver fans.
By the way, this is one of the most utterly incomprehensible gay hobbies that I have.
It's utterly GAY.
Almost as bad as my habit for collecting green neon fishing wire.
^___________^
Okay. I junk. I eat. I sleep. I roll around my sty. I speak nonsense. I sprout semi-philosophical-rubbish. I waste my time studying in hopes of a morose and utterly boring desk-job future in some bank. So why are you reading about my plain ass life?
Utt'suoki yarrow.
And I spend my time on weird hobbies.
You know when I was writing my UWC scholarship form, I saw a question I thought was pretty easy. "Name your hobbies." What I ended up with was a 100 word long list, some examples are:
1. anime (girls with big boobs rock my world)
2. jrock (and then I wondered what to say if they asked on it, like: "it's guys dressing up as girls and groping each other on stag cos I like gays.")
3.astrology
4.tantric sex positions
5. reading about other people's lives on their blogs
6. reading about S&M (shibari!!) and learning how to do it
7.flower arrangement
8. wandering round supermarkets, smelling soap
9.writing stories about gay men (because we all are hah!)
10.masohistically listen to reruns of MORNING MUSUME! and AYUMI HAMASAKI! and AYA MATSURA! (I bet ya didn't know I was a pop junkie too right?)
Then I realized the question isn't so simple after all.
Directed to normal, hardworking, scholary types it would mean roughly 5 or 6 hobbies but since I'm an uber slacker, with too much time in my hands and a tendency towards the left side of the driveway, I have over 100. Seriously. I counted. Every single thing that I have a file on (mentally/physically), every single hobby that interested me to the extent I can rattle of jargon. Like jargon is actually a french word, jargoun which means twittering of birds.
How inane is that?
Like, do YOU know what nugatory means?
I feel dumb and useless right now.
All this useless info.
When all I actually need is an A1 for SS
Damination!
Okay, let's go look for some NC fics. I feel horny.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 12:56 a.m.+
Listening to: I do/Darling Honey
Arghhh....Dying of exam anxiety >__< I can't seem to stop thinking about History or SS, and it's terrible because I'm seeing it, dreaming it, reading it 24/7 and I can't sleep at night. Yesterday I tried to sleep at 12midnight but ended up wandering like a misbegotten ghost at the unholy hour of 5am. ARGHHH...And when I actually fall asleep, this is what happens:
On SG Policy
PAP. Kaoru: Spread Forth and MULTIPLY!
HDB Kyo: Dah-ling~ The LKY says we need to make more babies~
HDB Shinya: Really ah? Got money or not?
HDB Kyo: Depends on the timeline, Two is Enough or Three is a Family?
HDB Shinya: Aiyooo....21st Century what. More baby more money.
HDB Kyo: Let's...Make...Love.
(hours later)
HDB Shinya: Eh. I just remembered we're gay.
HDB Kyo: So? Let's just hire Foreign Talent.
(Outside at Changi Airport)
Maid Toshiya: Ma'am? Issss thisss Singapore?
HDB Shinya: You just do as you say okay?
Maid Toshiya: Yes Ma'am
HDB Shinya and Kyo: Let's...Make...Love.
On China
Kaoru: You loser Kyo. Your GLF was a failure and I had to clean up your muck.
Kyo: !!!! Why!!! I will send you for Political Reform as part of my Cultural Revolution! How dare you say anything against Chairman Kyo?
Shinya: I'm skinny and straving because of YOU *points accusingly at Kyo*
Kyo: Purity of Commuisum! China will Walk on Two Legs!
Toshiya: All Hail Chairman Kyo
(Outside China)
KMT Die: I claim this errr....TAIWAN!
I'm seriously seriously stressed.
I'm dreaming this like an instant replay.
Arghhh...Chairman Kyo. How horrifying. *shudders* He doesn't even look good in red.
Anyhow, doing more studying tomorrow at Auddy's place and making a DeG song quiz. Well. If I have time. My computer is coming soon~! ^__________^ No more wraped screen, free transformed windows, glaring fonts and weird breakdowns all the time. Yessh~!
Did the practice SAT thing. I'm jealous. The Americans have it easy damn it. I didn't even study and I managed to get a 700 for verbal score. It's ....below Sec 3 level. Like the Math questions are:
A shirt cost 15% on discount, what is the original price of the shirt if it costs $10.50 now?
And they let you use CALCULATORS!!!
*gapes in amazement*
And this is their JC standard.
Frick I wanna be American.
For Natz:
---Vek/Vek'dou run through---------
1. There's no puncuation, or capitals. A question mark is represented by an a with a dash on the top, pronounced as an italian a as in "ah"
2. Adjectives are combined in the front of a noun to form a new word/meaning. They form preffixes
eg.
"ekeli" = understanding
"veli'thuya" = friend
"ekeli'velu'thuya" = understanding friend
3. An "li" means the word has something to do with thoughts/feelings. But a word cannot have 2 "li"s inside, so the "li" in the -noun- changes to an "lu" eg.
"Veli'thuya" to "velu'thuya"
4. The prefix of a "p" means it's vulgar.
Eg.
"pwy'ferk"= fuck
"p'fik" = ass
"p'usslia" = useless
"perfak"= fat
"psat"= shit
5. Pronouns are all simplified. There's no male/female difference. The word for "you" is "ya", the word for "I" is "ae".
Eg.
"Friend" = "veli'thu"
"I am friendly" = "Veli'thuae"
"You are friendly" = "Veli'thuya"
6. Some common words/adjectives:
Ooyu'hei= Hello,how are you?
Ooyu'sei= Goodbye, take care.
Arcushla= darling (for non-family/friends)
Arth'illa= dear (friends)
Ari'chita= dear (children)
Arth'slanti= close close friends
Areth'ke = love
Usslia = useless (emotion)
Uss'aqth= useless (as in intelligence)
Ussi= useless (physical)
Uuyusoo= fish
Uuyu'sakth= tasty fish
Uuyujoo= jelly fish
Veli'thu= friend/friendly
k'dor/-'dor = "yes" action. Eg. "Yes I will do and understand" = "ekeli'dor"
Ekeli= understand/understanding
E'lynn= sympathy
Eli'ke= empathy
E'kuth= pity
K'uust/-'uusuro= "no" action
Lol'tha= fascination [usually used on perverts]
Lol'ke = hobby (equal to English suffix of "-phile"]
Lol'aqth= useful hobby
Lol'arth'ke= obessesion
Ori'slaan= mother
Ori'sth =father
Ori'kin= brother/sister
S'thirla= thing
S'ith= it
S'laqth= weapon/it
S'hral= decorative items
J'raken = fire (as in weapons)
J'llthi= fire (as in cooking/element)
J'ralthu= water (as in disaster/flood)
J'llun= water (as in cooking/element)
L'aeqth= intelligence
L'aketh= knowledge
T'yunli'ke= sadness
T'yli'kin= inexplicable sadness
Z'arth'ke= anger
Z'arif'li= inexplicable anger
Hmn. Is that enough?
If you're really lost, skip the front letter, add a "ya" or "ae" and you get it right. So like um..Can't remember mother/father/sibling? Simple. Front word for "family" is Ori' so a "family person" would be "Ori'ya" and "I'm from family" would be "Ori'ae"
love *ooyusei*
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 11:16 p.m.+
Listening to: Sand In My shoes
Lazy day~ so dreamy and dazey....had the most delicious chesnut cake and Irish coffee. Maybe I'll buy for Auddy on Thursday and give it to her on Friday. Not tomorrow cos there's no school on Wednesday and I hate un-fresh cakes. ^^;; Picky ne?
Nice day~
Wonderfully gloomy moor weather we're having. I like it~ (and I really need an FTP program)
Read through all my travelouges, I actually own roughly 2 but my brother added another 2 so it's 4 now. And after reading through all the travelouges, I've decided that when the push comes to the shove, I know -exactly- what to bring to travel. And the reason for all the work is because next year, I want to go Japan. Really.
So now I know exactly what I want to bring ^____^
For a week stay (7 days):
2 sweaters (black)
2 pairs of pants/tights
4 skirts
7 pairs of socks/undergarments
1 lipblam/lipgloss + skin moisteriser
2 complementing ribbons/hair ties
1 bag of toileries
for flight
1 pair earplugs
1 jacket
3 books/1 notepad
Camera with 4 rolls of film
1 box of teabags (seriously)
You know the crap about buying winter wear in the country you're going? Well, it's not true. Because I checked it. Robinson's or even John Little's is cheaper by half and honestly, do you want to freeze on your first day? And the lipbalm + moisteriser....Let me tell you a story. When I was in Zhuhai (roughly spring temp in Japan) my lips broke, tore and bled and anything warmer than 18 deg celusis drink hurt like hell. I learnt my lesson, which is -bring your own- *highlights twice*. And tights...lol. They're actually warmer than pants or even those leg-warmer things. So even if it reaches -10 deg, you won't freeze because jeans aren't really warm. Neither are track pants. Plus they look great with mini-skirts! (space saving: 1 pair of black tights can go with any skirt thrown over)
In-flight, I learnt something. Small talk is disaterous. I remember one flight to Aust and infront of me was a bunch of highly-annoying kids which screamed and cried and fought over M&M's causing it to spill EVERYWHERE. (remember sis? you were next to me) So now I know that ear-plugs are a must if you want sleep (unless you're on first class). Next is teabags, which sound really strange but are actually very important. The stuff they drink on planes is disgusting. Seriously. If you want anything decent, bring your own chamomile teabags and ask for very hot water. Then sip, watch the clouds, read and relax....
If you're planning flights to Japan, check with ANA student discounts. Don't bother with travel agents cos they're overpriced and they charge commisson on top of airport tax!
Anyhow, I've already planned my itineary. I'm not much of a jrock fan but I want to see a DeG live. So this is where I'm going, as well as the cost of journey. My starting point in Tokyo, Meguri residential.
rough guide
(Using fares according to Japan Travelexpert)
Shibuya/Harajuku
Yoyogi Park(Sat,free performances)
Meji Shrine + Omotesando
2nd hand CD shop (roughly all CD shops are across one another)
Ukiyo-e Art + Watari-um Musuem
Takeshita Dori/Shibuya 109
15 mins walk from NHK Hall/Shibuya AX
Tsukiji/Ginza
Tsukiji fish market
Honganji Tempale
Kabukiza Theatre
Hama-rikyu Garden
Shopping!
Ueno/Akihabara
Ueno Park + Nezu Shrine
Yushima Tenjin Shrine
Metropolitan Art/Science/National Museum
Ueno Zoo
Akihabara piracy + comp tech stuff
Ikebukuro
Metropolitan Art Space
Sunshine Aquarium
Sunshine Observatory
Seibu + Tobu shopping~
Tokyo main(last)
Diet Building
Suntory Art Muesuem
Tokyo Tower~
Zojoji Temple
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 09:44 p.m.+
Listening to: Kasumi
Yesterday was funny in the morning, gave Mrs Low the cake. She acted really cute, here's an excrept:
tsu: Happy birthday Mrs Low!
Mrs Low: You baked me a cake!
tsu: Err yeah. I hope you like chocolate~ sorry for the delay and stuff...
Mrs Low: You baked me a cake! It's so sinful!
tsu: heheheheh....Happy Birthday anyway!
Mrs Low: Thank you.
tsu (turns to class): Let's sing a birthday song!
And we actually did. Ahahahaahahhaah...It's worth looking at her gape like a landed fish.
I need an FTP program. Really.
I have 4 fics.
One Totchi x Shinya, tentatively called "Clean" (for Ata)
One Kyo x Shinya, no title (Chiyogami?)
One Black x Lupin for sis, "Monster in my Closet"
One super duper jrock AU, with over 3 pairings, no title
The AU will be fun though~ Or maybe I'll make it an original. It's strong enough as a plot to hold on it's own.
Plus every race has its own language. Ranging from Common (English) to Vek (True tongue) to Cir'fre (faerie tongue).
So you have evil elves, shapeshifters, chimereans, anarchoids, youkos (slaves) all dumped in a universe.
^______________________^
I really liked inventing Vek though. It's such a cool language. It's a real language because it has a spoken form (Vek) and a written form (Vek'dou). There's grammer, subject agreement, adjectives..etc. And it's a fun and expressive way to say things. Like "Hi.How are you?" is "Ooyu'hei". "Ooyu"=salutation and "hei" as in greeting. So "goodbye" would be "Ooyu"=salutation "Sei"=bye.
Like fuck is pwy'ferk
fucker is pwy'ferk'ya
useless fucker is pwy'ferk'sshya
ass is p'fik
asshole is p'fiya
sucking asshole is p'fissa
I wish I could write the whole fic in Vek. It's more fun ^^ but unfortunately, you need to be taught Vek/Vek'dou to be able to read and write (like English).
Elves speak something else though, they speak Cir'fre. Like brother is "ferele", friend is "Raelye". It's a very gentle, well-bred (overbred), polite and anal language. There's no swearwords here, I'm afraid. The word "ass" is "Sifre" which sounds waaaay too polite.
Confused yet?
They all speak Common though. Which is English so don't fear!
Went for tuition today, was okay. Did Math, watched Discovery Travel and Discovery itself. LOL. Watched cars crash each other with amusement. I like! And they had this cool tour of the famous Playboy Mansion. It's actually a beautiful place, Tudor/Edwardian design with a classy front. Amazing....
Feeling happy and warm at the moment. It's cool due to the earlier rain and it feels deliciously comfortable to be warm when it's chilly outside. The sky is getting darker and darker, with only a hint of dark red. Eight shades of chinese ink hmmnn?
Roped in Auddy to help me make 1000 paper cranes during the holidays, as well as the gorgeous ultimate decandoren modular origami. I like origami. I'll even buy chiyogami to make the cranes. It'll be worth it. A thousand cranes for a thousand wishes of a thousand days and nights of happiness ne?
For peace, maybe?
For hope?
Who knows?
^___________^
Anyhow, it's easy to make (really) and even if we don't make it to a 1000, a 100 is a good start. Besides, where would I put all those cranes?
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 11:17 p.m.+
12 noon. A phonecall, waking me from uneasy sleep, the slumber of the restless and tired; Dazed, yawning, I ran down the steps, hair a mess, ribbon askew with mismatched slippers (two left feet and no rights); the looming dark clouds; a forth of angry thunder and a shower of big heavy drops that turned into a torrential rainfall; Warm, hot, heavy drops that soaked through my shirt as I ran down the slope with a hint of tantalizing hope.
You stood there, glum as the sullen weather, sliver umbrella clutched tightly in your hand, your lips and eyes set into a grim line. What was it? What could it be? What what what? You raised your umbrella, sheltering me.Which one would it be?
Three small words
The rain fell even more heavily, wet drops smacking against the warm asphalt, beginnings of puddles; You left, for lunch, back turning, fighting against the tropical storm still in your dark blue school uniform, your deed and duty done; I stood there, stunned and standing in the rain, hair clinging to temples, bedragged ribbon looking woeful as I skipped and danced and leaped barefoot on the way home, stony asphalt warm and wet and hard beneath my feet, laughing and crying and dancing in the rain; Leaping up the steps, I stepped into the warmth of the living room, dripping wet, with the biggest happiest smile on my face.
I love you too.
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 08:19 p.m.+
Keloid Milk...............[just friends]
Listening to: Beautiful - John Lennon
Long day. Very long. Let's start with Audy ^^ After all, she seems to be the topic most of the time.
So we're Just Friends
I like her, but just as a friend now. She can't give me what I want, not because she's selfish or anything but simply because she doesn't have the capacity or is just too emotionally immature. See, love isn't just about the right person, it's also about timing. And it's just not the right time for her to love I guess.
Inaction is, after all, an action.
And sometimes inaction is as hurtful as an action.
I want affection but she can't give it. It's simple, basic logic. We're just simply good friends, and can never be anything more. It's like a circle and a tangent, we meet, but are two different things going in two different directions.
I still want her company certainly, and I like her as a friend but now I don't need to have her constant approval, I don't need to love her so intensely, and I don't need to feel guilt or shame or whatever. If she wants to go with Caryn, fine. Cos she's just a friend, not a love, so there's nothing to be jealous or possesive about.
I just feel sorry, just a little.
No regrets. I tried my best, I did my darnest but she could not, would not, cannot love me back.
Love is not just emotional and mental, it's physical too. Not sex, but small things like hugs and glomps, which she can't give because she's not comfortable with herself, or perhaps showing it.
Unfortunately I want it, and I desperately need it. I love her as a friend now, no longer as a soulmate or anything else. If she says I can't come and study with her, I won't sulk or push it, because she is a friend so I'll respect her wishes. If she doesn't want to go Orchard, and go home, I'm okay with it because she's just a friend now.
Kinda disheartening, but you can't have a cake and eat it.
Yesterday we were something else...
Today...
Just friends?
You answer. Not me ^^
School was okay, History was good and I learnt something. Okay. Study China and score!!!! *pulls out textbook* Ahahaha...I like China. It makes sense to me wheras Russia really doesn't. I can't spell Bolsheviks for nuts either.
Tuition was okay, met Jun at the bustop. I can do relative velocity! Hah! Ate wasabi peas, broad beans and peanuts while finishing up on the last of my "i"s and "j"s. Pretty fun now that I understand it. My lines still look wonky though. LOL.
My sis forgot all about Mrs Low's cookies, so now it's a cake. Actually TWO big fat chocolate cakes. Devil's cake. It's surprising how easy is it to make a cake compared to a cookie. All in the butter I suppose. Anyhow, I don't have enough to feed the class, but it's ok.
Kinda tired ....Thinking of writing a new fic-arc, titled "Beautiful". No idea which pairing though. It's because of a song I heard on the radio, the one by John Lennon. "Close your eyes, go to sleep...Beautiful beautiful beautiful, beautiful boy~"
Ish so fic-worthy ne?
Feel cold.
Damn I'm gonna steal a pineapple tart.
love *friends?*
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 09:43 p.m.+
Listening to: Something random....dunno really
Dead tired for no particular reason and slightly headache-ly. Arghh...-____- I feel so zoned out, out of depth and out of it all. Had tuition, I finally understand the what the "i"s and "j"s mean in vectors and I can actually do it~ *does a half-hearted yay* Yay. Yay~
On Google to search for universities. Argh. I don't get the difference between an undergraduate program and a graduate program and the importance of work experience to apply for a business school. Blergh. In any case, I just picked those universities that sounded pretty interesting and located near L.A. Whee~ Okay. It's actually a really crappy way because I don't even know where does A level fall under all of this. Weird.
So anyhow, I just quick searched in the internet for the best. And that's what I'm going to put.
^_________________^
Going for History tomorrow, I hope Ms Chow is in a good mood because she's horrible when she's in a bad mood. Argh. Need to get back my SS essay too.
I need a new comp.
I just realized I have S-teki stuck on my comp.
Dawdling, dwindling, dooling around.
Damn damn double damn.
*sighs and fills up the rest of SAT form*
This sucks.
It's a dead season.
Just dead.
Nothing living, nothing breathing, just echoes.
Echoes of whispers, whispers of...
Nothing.
Encased in stone, leaden and umoving
Unable to break free from the deadness
Decay of mind, decay of heart, the rot and the stink
of it
Soundless tired sick and ill
Fossilized
Season of dead
Odour of decaying blossoms
A veil of choking scent hangs
I see you, sweet at sixteen
The moon on your skin
The stars in your eyes
and dark of the places between skin and eyes
I breathe in the odour
Like the scent of dying flowers that night
The violet hill, twilight shawdows
The magenta colours flooded my senses
The wine red smile
I thought I caught you
Elusive, fleeting, dying and sweet
Delicate as dust on butterfly tips'
Yet..
Hidden beneath the dark veil of hair
Hidden beneath the smokey eyelashes
A tear; a wine red smile
Did I imagine it?
Who was caught, I wonder.
Drain Away normal version sounds purple. The neotrans is green though. *reflects* I wonder why. Different forms of the same sadness I guess. Or actually, different times of the same things.
I can't find a word that translates the meaning of "Like the scent of dying flowers that night". It's not really "Like", more of "The same scent as I smelt that night; the one of dying flowers." But it sounds so un-poetic. Poor line.
LOL
Relentless tide of fog
Mist covered hills and tall mazes
I am lost
Lost in the blanketing fog
It swirls around me, a cloud of white
I wander
Round and round in circles
Travelling the same useless paths again and again
And sink into
Despair
Screaming I reach out blindly
Crying I hope someone can hear me
Alone I walk into the mist
Hoping over and over to find something familar
Yet
I am lost
How did I get lost?
How could I lose myself?
In every mirror, every reflection
I don't know who -I- is
I cannot find myself
And I scream in despair
The mist covers
Blindly I seek, not knowing how -I- would look like
Lost...utterly lost
Lost in the mist of unknowing despair
Feel like writing Vulgar or something (surprising ne?) That's Kasumi btw. I don't feel up to listening to Obscure, since it's worse than skin-itchy, it's skin-crawly. Like eww...So many things touching you at once. Yuck. Okay. Change CD. Let's have something else. Like silk.
The stone roses that cover your epiptaph
Hard cold and beautiful, like you
A face craved of stone
Did you hurt as much as I did?
Did you ever feel? In the stone cold of your heart.
I wonder.
But the stone roses of your grave never tell
Maybe you loved me, maybe you couldn't
I left you, or did you leave me?
The thorns I pricked myself with, trying to love
The way you tried, so hard, to love me too
Perhaps it was for good
One never knows
The dead keep their secrets
And the stone roses will never tell
I like this one. Actually the death refers to the death of love, not of the person but it sounds like it, and most people expect it anyhow. Cool wordplay ne?
Violins start, the waltz begins
A step, a flick, a flash of knife
the dance of death with cries of dead
the glow
the fanatical glow
in your eyes, in your smile
the joy
waiting for another to join you in this waltz of death
waiting
Love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 09:41 p.m.+
I'm sorry for double-blogging.
Maybe I'll make it up during the O levels and blog less.
I'm a little distrubed by my classmates' behaviour.
Two days ago I thought that this particular clique are good friends.
Now I know they aren't.
I really _hate_ fighting.
So I interfered (lack of good judgment)
But I don't want them to think I did anything, so I used another nickname. Again.
I hope I don't muck things up.
>_____< Have a tendency to happen.
I suppose being "out of it" helps me a little.
I know how to act perfectly dense, though truthfully sometimes I am.
It's annoying me.
Fighting.
Doesn't help that I know both parties involved.
One which happens to be one of my former obessesions, so I feel compelled to help her as much she has helped me at that singluar point of time.
I don't even know if I should tell auddy.
Mainly because I have a feeling she wouldn't care anyway.
To that extent we are different.
I care. Very much. Actually, triple the "much".
I don't think she does. She shares that trait with my brother.
I mean, she doesn't care about population in general and just focusses on whoever she feels like caring I guess.
I don't really know either.
Hopefully not knowing doesn't have diastereous sideffects.
My skin itches. But underneath-itchy.
This twisted feelings inside me
This twisted feelings I have [for you]
I feel it twisting inside me
Not wanting you to know [hanatsubomi]
I drove on the dusty road
The dusty grey road [strange roads I drive to]
The scent of musty leather, unclean [too many times]
The tinkling of a bell, ringing [lone sound i hear]
Nothing passed me
Nothing behind me
I drove
Nothing moved
And the twisted feelings inside me
I drove
Down strange dusty roads
Into the flat bleak greyness of horizon
I didn't ask to feel this twisted way
[eat you feed you spit you and defile]
Yet you stood there, immovable
And I could not
You held the grey in your heart
The roads I drove in you
Nothing nothing nothing
Greyness reflected in your eyes
So I drove away
But I could never forget
[twisted feeling inside still lives]
That sorta sums it up I guess.
But then again, I suck.
I should stop listening to Embryo. Makes me wanna drive.
Change song then.
The golden notes of a bar tune
I hear it and remember
How could I forget the summer we shared together?
Like a dream, it seems
So surreal, a dream trapped in a bauble of Christmas glass
A sepia coloured glass that captured our old memories and dusty histories
How could I forget?
That summer we shared together.
The moon was high
At the riverbend
The fireflies, a drunken daze of flickering green lights
I would never forget
The summer we shared together
We didn't need words
We didn't need letters
We smiled at each other
A smile of summer fireflies
A smile of a summer shared together
The summer dies to autumn
We don't need words
We don't need letters
We smile at each other
A smile of dead flowers and dust
A smile of a forgotten summer shared together
What did we do?
What changed?
Did we even share the summer together?
Who knows?
I only know of a dream of a summer together.
That's it.
I hate explaining.
It's not even poetry.
More like I dunno.....freeform crap.
And all the training into renges/haikus that Kyou put me through! Wasted! Futile! Lost! *giggles* Ahahahaha
The last one is actually a song though, not a prose.
LOL. Cicadas.
I feel better now.
love [dream of summer]
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 01:05 a.m.+
Listening to: Massive Attack - Hunter Catches Game
A little tired, a little happy, a little sad, mostly melanchonlic. Long day~ Surprise surprise~
Went to school reluctantly, dragged my feet to it actually. But I did the deed, and somehow managed to come up with coherent replies for the Literature questions. School was fine, just that it felt a little strange without Auddy. ^^;. A little strange, that's all. Went to Taka to buy wagashi, the Japanese dessert-stuffs and spent a whopping $31.80 on it...LOL. Yare yare...I'm a little expensive ne? The salesperson was nice and gave me a beautiful paper bag and beautiful wrapping paper. Interestingly enough, the wrapping paper contained a very famous Chinese poem, telling you to strive for another level of perfection.
Nice touch.
The autumn colours were another touch too.
Talked to sis and fell slightly asleep, half-sleep actually. Paaaaaaaaain >_< but I'm not touching any painkillers. Sharing the stuff with my Chinese tutor was a little let-downish. I know it's crazy to spend $30 over on sweets and stuff, and I'm not overly concerned about it. I LIKE to share. I really do. There's no intent behind it except that it's nice and I like have a mini-tea party on Tuesdays during tuition. It's nice. I like you. Why can't you not worry and just enjoy it?
It's strange but this isn't the first.
I mean as the first time someone acted this way.
*sighs*
Just say "Thank you" and eat it darnit!
Read a little before changing for the show tonight. My mom was invited by SPH to watch Mamma Mia! and I was her tag-along. Picked out a nice brown skirt and borrowed a white top and red pashmina from mom and looked a little like Red Riding Hood. LOL. I looked kinda pretty...LOL. Yare yare, okay! I admit it! I like looking pretty okay? Good. Now bugger off.
LOL.
Combed my hair neatly and wore my necklace, the one I made at Coronation and well, I looked nice. ^^ Even had a matching velvet red ribbon just in case my hair was too irritating.
The performance was great~ Really good and pretty funny too~ So okay, the plot is weird, the female characters have a problem with descision-making (like someone else I know) and it's just kooky, banal and nice. Yay~ I like.
Of course it helped that the lead singers were pretty good too.
Unfortunately, behind me were to Hong Kong Men(tm). How do I know? Because my father is one and I'll recognize that speech pattern wherever I go. They were singing when the actress was singing and I got annoyed so I glared at him. No I didn't look hungry cos he actually _shut up_.
-___________-
Stupid inconsiderate uneducated uncivilized rude INEFFECTUAL men.
Everyone else was watching sliently and there, these 2 anal annoying totally oblivious HK men were clapping and tapping feet and catcalling. For Gods' sake this isn't a KTV lounge! *irritated* I wanted to slap him. Hard.
*glares*
Anyhow, after the concert, I realized 2 very important things. Firstly, I will never marry a man from HK. Secondly, I have a gut feeling that I won't be a very good audience for Dir en Grey.
Why? I dunno...It's those epiphany moments when suddenly you just know..While everyone was dancing and clapping during the finale, I just sat there, my hands politely folded and watched. And watched. And watched. I didn't even twitch until my mom grabbed my hand to stand for the encore. And when I stood I kept on tugging on my scarf and acting slightly nervous. There. Concert tsu. I don't headbang, I don't become wild, I basically shrink back to the Primary 4 version of myself.
It's kinda interesting, considering the amount of effort I go to get _there_. I want to, but sometimes I feel that maybe I shouldn't because if it isn't good enough, I'll be heartbroken. Also, there's a slight chance that well, *sighs* Nevermind. Some thoughts are best kept alone.
*ponders*
I'm a little frightened I guess.
It would be horrible if it turned out...-that- way.
I think I'll die.
No.
I'll just break.
Slowly. Apart.
Left the Esplanade, and decided to call Auddy. My mom doesn't like her. I guess she isn't used to Auddy's rather curt manner and stuff. Which makes me wonder why I put up with it too. I don't really question why because I think I shouldn't but now that my mom brought it up I suppose I have to. But I don't want to. Anyhow, my mom has never liked any of my friends. She didn't like Neko, she didn't like Bunny, she didn't like any of my friends in secondary school.
Then again, she's my mother.
Well.
She can't exactly pick my friends.
Nor can she actually stop me.
Besides, I'm the one that actually does the chasing ne?
I think it's her protectiveness acting up.
Nothing ever good enough for her daughter etc.
LOL, I don't want to think what happens when I get a boyfriend.
In the end...
I still like auddy.
Even though it raises some rather uncomfortable questions.
Some of which I doubt I want to probe to deeply at.
Well, as they say, "You know, you know."
*shrugs*
Then I will make the choice of -not knowing-
Makes life easier that way.
Still.......rather distrubing.
Makes me wonder if DarkFrozenMind was right.
Is winning really in losing?
Is it?
If you put it in a balance you degrade it
Yet what other standard can I do it by?
Equal, I think. Reciprocal.
But there's nothing left to say really.
There's nothing much to do either.
Winning in losing huh?
Just who is winning?
And who is losing?
I wonder.
love *not as much as a second ago?*
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 11:39 p.m.+
Listening to: Unknown Despair A lost
LOL, strange day~
I came for the -wrong- shift for Sc(Prac) and waited nearly 3 hours++. Worse was that the practical ends at 3.30 and I needed to hand up my scholarship by 4.30 or else I would miss the deadline entirely. *smackuuu self* Horrible timing so in the end I called my mom down from SLF to pick up the form and send it to UWC at Dover for me during her lunch break.
Saw my sis, and she told me some interesting stuff. Apparently they called students down for phototaking (all from different classes/levels) and used them as "props" for the teachers' phototaking session. LOL. Mrs Low was apparently really funny because Mr Armstrong was telling her how to pose and such, and she got so fed up that she asked the "class": For those that find Mr Armstrong -Obnoxious- please raise your hand!
Since I had so much time to kill, I went to look for Mrs Low for -her- side of the story. LOL. "-I- speak my mind." LOL I have no idea how to type her accent on blog, but you can bet I won't forget it.
LOL, got locked up at 12.15 and while waiting I spotted my darling Audrey *snickers* So I decided to tell her I luff her, after all, my moon sign claims I'm not affectionate enough.
Tsu: Teacher can you go over to Auddy and tell her I love her?
Chinese Teacher: You crazy or something? Must be the exam.*walks off*
Tsu: Hey Mr Chan!! *waves* Can you tell Auddy I love her? *smiles brightly*
Mr Chan: Uh! *sticks his nose in the air* Don't know what you two are up to in class!
Tsu looks disappointed.
Johanna: Eh, why not just say it?
Tsu: Okay. AUDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!
I doubt she heard me.
But it was worth a shot.
The pratical was stupid. It was STUPID STUPID STUPID. I could've gotten full marks for both but being an arse I am, I was too careless. Anyhow, I'm pretty sure my Physics is perfect and the part I for Chemistry is right. It IS right because I was anal and double tested it with Annomium and Barium Chloride. So I know that it's Iron(III)Sulphate. But the titration thingy was SHIT! argh argh agrh.
Anyhow.
It's Over.
Whee.
Went for lunch (if you consider 5pm, -lunch-) at Coronation. Ack, I was straving. Ate food, talked a litte more and yeah, was okay. Went home soon after, watched Anthony Bourdain become disgusting,and fell asleep.
Funny funky dream.
LOL, I actually know what it means this time though.
Interesting.
But not very useful in solving situations.
After all, it's already in my subconscious ne?
Brother acting pissy and sexist today. Honestly I don't get what he's so prissy about. When dad dotes on him I don't say anything and he doesn't come for my defence either, so what's he so prissy about? Computers are shared. Stop acting so damnably childish and jealous.
Groooooooow uppppppp.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 09:54 p.m.+
Listening to: Bottom of Death Valley
Watched Blitz 4 due to utter boredom and all I can say is that the Live isn't half as interesting as the record. Why? 1) Kyo doesn't sing the full lyrics 2)everything sounds twice as squeaky and there's a weird "tinny" sound in the sound system 3)I wanted to kill Kyo when he butchered the song.
General consenus: More fun but less smooth.
Very bored today, finished tuition, watched a little TV and fell asleep. Feeling grouchy and restless, mainly because I'm a little sick of pressure, a little sick of people, a little sick of pandering. UWC isn't open today, so on Monday I'll have to rush and take 166 to the college and send in my application direct. It's annoying but I'll have to do it. How disgusting.
Okay. Take 166 to Dover and deliver it anytime from 9am -4.30pm.
The working hours are strange.
It's too short.
Lazy~~~~~~~~~~
Actually have some Math work to finish.
But I'm kinda lazy.
Procastinating.
I don't like to study when people bug me.
It's annoying.
Damnit I hate O levels.
They're also cleaning up the roads here, and there's sulphur everywhere. It smells bad and it's dusty and hot and I have to close all the windows.
They're building a frikkin MRT station here.
I'm still annoyed over that.
Preping myself up for the interview if I get in.
I do hope I get in.
My handwriting is kinda crappy though~
Okay going to do work now.
Quite sick-ish and annoyed at certain inconsiderate individuals.
Blergh.
I wanna sulk in peace.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 09:51 p.m.+
Listening to: Dir en Grey junk
My comp has broken down offically.
The CRT tube is dead dead DEAD.
I'm going to have to get a new one soon.
At the moment, no fics.
My comp is DEAD and so is my FTP program.
*burns backup discs*
Blegh I'm going to have to borrow Audy's external drive or something. Too much to burn.
Rifling through homework, my mom is bothering me again. If there's a problem with my mother, is the lack of empathy for subtle signals. She can't read them. You have to be -balant- or she'll not get it. I can honestly say she's denser than I am.
Oh yeah, interest in Shibari.
Basically Shibari is the art of rope-tying. It's an old Japanese traditional erotic bondage technique evolving form when Samurais has had to think of a way to transport hostages without hurting them. Shibari itself is considered "honourable" because the complexity of knots and the lack of injury denotes higher level skills.
The main types of Shibari is Karada (full body) and the other one that starts with an "S" which means "from chest" (roughly translates as "tying pearls")
Anyhow, it's more interesting than your typical western S&M because it doesn't involve pain at all. It's more to screw your mind than than to actually hurt anything. Which is certainly more interesting than anything else I've ever heard in my (short) life.
It's an act of total trust.
And it's half-art, half-skill.
Can you hear the fic bunnies hopping in my head?
More info, look at HERE
It interests me mainly because I'm a uke but not a very good one. I don't like submission and all that, but pain, degardation, humilation and insults don't kick it for me. (I have enough of that in my life thankyouverymuch) Add to that I'm also mildly paranoid, and have a very very very strong instinct for survival and S&M (in the western sense of word) doesn't kick it for me. So I don't make a very pristine example of a uke, especially since I'll test the person constantly and I'm bloody independant too.
But this sounds vaguely fun.
I mean, when I'm old enough of course.
*grins* ^__________________^
At the moment, Toshiya tying up Shinya sounds bloody good too. *grins wickedly*
Feeling worried for Lareina, and I really truly hope that she survives in Japan. Hmmnn...must get her something for her going-away. *sighs* Everyone seems to be leaving SG it seems.
The sky is dark today, I can smell the cigarette smoke from the construction workers down below. It's strange though, I don't like it up close, but when it difts up, it smells sort of warm and sad and horribly lonely and apple-ish at once. It's a black night tonight, moonless, slightly tinged with red. I suppose it's from the haze and dust/dirt mix.
Dull today.
I miss audy's company.
Blergh.
Shall migrate to study with her or something.
Okay, gtg.
Should give neko a call for the Literature dates too.
And get my scholarship form printed out.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 09:15 p.m.+
Listening to: Solibrio-2046
Watched 2046 today and for the first time, Wong Kar Wai didn't overdo his off-tangentness. I actually understand the story....It's hard to describe what's it like; sweet, tender, comtemplatively sad like the gentle falling of an autumal leaf. Slowly unfolding crispy dead leaves, red and orange and just gently descending to a deep sorrowfully beautiful sadness.
Love
It's a story about love
But not a love story
Longing
And the bittersweetness of time and time again
I can understand that.
I often feel it.
If I could, I would stop time and live in 2046 too.
Love unchanging, people unchanging, perhaps...
To be at the peak of romance. desire. love.
Perhaps.
It hits rather hard now, now that school is ending. Lareina will be leaving for Japan (good luck and all the best to you! You deserve your life that you've earned *salute*) Neko
and Natz will be off to Australia and many people would leave like feathers to the wind.
Oh yeah, Lareina? See ya in Japan next year ^^v
I'll be down during April or June.
I'm actually kinda scared. heart don't fail me now
The end of -school- is like the end of childhood for me. School in many ways protected me from my family, lent me a place to escape. Away- you know how it feels? Everywhere else I'm expected to be this, expected to do this.......So school has it's own set of expectations too but at least I'm
treated like someone worthwhile, someone worth listening to, someone whose opinions actually -matter-
I don't want to be someone else's puppet.
I don't want to be a puppet.
But somehow......
I am one.
Every. Single. Dream.
It doesn't matter.
Actually it does.
But what can I do?
Mrs Low once asked me what I wanted to do with my life. My immediate thought: What Life? What choice? So I smiled politely and laughed.
The future has been already decided.
At least for me.
I'm tired of fighting.
I'll happily settle for just being away from Them.
Just far far far FAR away from my family.
I don't care where.
Just somewhere.
So I'll be good.
I'll study the damned course you want me to study.
Take the job you want me to.
Heck, I'll even smile while doing it.
Preordained huh?
Let it be...
But one day, my knife will stab you in the back with a smile.
And then I'll move over to Japan and start MY own fashion company with MY money. (yoz Lareina and Audy there)
I'm still scared though.
I hope I won't be like them one day.
I'm scared I'll lose my ideals.
And fall in love with green money.
Please no no no no.
I'm going to have to be an adult now.
don't cry
I'm going to have to change
don't lose hope yet
And I'm really really scared
edge of a knife edge of a cliff
vertigo
But I deserve it.
Cos like everyone else
I'm a bloody cosmic fluke
And I deserve to be myself.
no matter how seemingly a useless fluke I am.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 10:27 p.m.+
Listening to: Zomboid
I've gotten my sister more or less hooked on the guitar in Zomboid ^^ Pretty cool na? Reformatting the comp tonight, and is transferring my junk over to D drive. Yay~ And I thought I would have to burn everything and restart everything all over again. Yeshhhe~ Yay
Skipped school today to finish up on my essays so that I could give it to the teachers to mark before everyone else and have a happy weekend. Aarrghhh...doing homework at home is just annoying. I mean, really really annoying. Firstly there's too many people (5.5 as my sis calls it, the 0.5 being my brother's girlfriend) Next I don't have music (or everyone complains about it) then I don't have a room which I can lock myself into so my attention is being constantly constantly interrupted. It's just plain -frustrating-
In the end, I only finished one SS essay and a brief sketch for History. ARRGHHHHHH!
It has nothing to do with attitude or willingness.
It's just I CAN'T FIND A BLOODY PLACE TO STUDY.
-_____________-
Audy can I come over please please please?
I'll add icing sugar and maraschino cherries on the top.
Watching 2046 tomorrow (hopefully with audy). I don't like watching romantic movies alone, it's kinda boring and kinda sad plus damnit! You need someone to be romantic with after the show. It's the same with comedies, you need someone to laugh with. The only thing you should watch alone is anime, action flicks, travel shows and repeat telecasts. I mean, honestly, watching a love movie alone is just -bad- It's just so terribly sad.
Being a Wong Kar Wei film, the timings are also a meanace. -___- They say it will be late and it is. Who the hell watches shows at 00:02 am? The timings are just awful. So the closest I got to normalcy was:
GV Bishan: 3.50pm
GV Plaza: 4.00pm
Cineleisure: 5.25pm
Not very fantastic timings for a 2 hour show(!).
In general it's a love story, a sequel to In the Mood for Love (2000) but you don't really need to watch Mood for Love cos it can stand by itself and basically, you don't watch Wong Kar Wei for plot. His job is to make people look pretty, the places look pretty and everything from the editing to directing (check out Tony Leung with incandescent candles dressed in gentleman's clothes) to the cast itself. Every singl frame is Photoshop-pretty and Layout-worthy. It's amazing how -good- it looks. *admires* It's just beautiful
Who cares about the plot anyhow?
It's beautiful!
^__________________^
Yay I'm so shallow and superfical and utterly proud of it
Maybe I'll drop by Borders if we have the time to buy something for sis or myself since Mr Tan was nice enough to buy me a gift voucher for my work~ w00t...Nice man. Too bad he wasn't nice was I was around.
LoL.
Watched a little Harry Potter today and talked to sis. Rictusempra! Duelling is cool na~
Kinda happy Kinda miss-auddy Kinda everything whee~
love for a lifetime I'm stuck with you
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 09:33 p.m.+
Obscene but apparently, not Lustful
Listening to: Bottom of Death Valley
ARRGHHH I AM SO ANNOYED!
This is another GOOD reason why I hate Mr Harry Potter who is currently wrecking my computer.
Why? You ask.
Because my Harry-loving sister installed the bloody game and no one (especially she) believed me when I said that it was killing my comp. DAMNIT! Look now! The icons turned black the screen is screwed and my sister is still so lassizare faire. She's going: "Oh I need to study so don't bother me." Well, HELLO miss, it's your fault for causing this to the comp (which was slow but working perfectly fine)and now I am UTTERLY UTTERLY PISSED.
And I was considering to write Black x Remus too.
Well TOO bloody frikkin bad because I can't even type properly now.
My words look like their being free transformed (yuck.)
ARRGGHHHH IT IS SO ANNOYING!
*stabs JK Rowling*
DIE DIE DIE
------------------
Went out with Audy cos it's her birthday ^^ Bought modonyaki and gelato and had a wonderful happy time reading astrology (again) and learning new types. Heh, I think I know the Eastern one now. Next thing? Vedic astrology!
Had chinese tuition, bought back wagashi which tastes really nice. Next week I'll get something else, like the saikasa or something. It looked interesting ^^
Yes I'm fond of extremely expensive Japanese candy too.
Notice a trend yet?
Had a happy-ish day ^^
Except now I'm just so pissed at my comp I can't seem to think of anything else vaguely interesting.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 10:03 p.m.+
Listening to: Kisou and Summer Sunshine - Corrs.
Days started off pretty badly, was grumpy due to the lack of sleep >___< Bad tsu, stop sleeping at 1.30am in the morning.
Gave Auddy her present, which was wrapped in pretty pervy things and got a 1cm thick wrapped present. Seriously, it's -at least- a cm thick. It had 5 layers of plastic bag + masking tape, 4 layers of wrapping paper and another one over the CD itself. -___________-;;;; 10 layers in total.
*jawdrop*
Thankfully I'm pretty alright with these kinds of things and methodically torn off layer by layer by hand. And buried beneath these layers was....*drumroll* KISOU! *cackles madly* So pretty and silver and shiny and I like it! Love it!
Auddy was happy with Vulgar too.
But what's REALLY wonderful about Vulgar is something else.
This WMD, a massive weapon.
Hidden in the foreword.
Kyo's Weapons of Mass Destruction
AHAHAHAHAHA
They have English (?) translations for lyrics too.
If it can be considered English.
It's just frikkin hilarious! xD
^__________________^
Went to the interchange, topped up my card and bought tako and milk for audy and I. Okay, I'm an obessesive milk drinker ^^ my choice anti-depressant. Went home, talked to sis and slept till 6pm until I had to change and go back to school for extra classes.
Mom was nice enough to drop me to school.
Yay~ So I was early too
Walked to St. Rapheal's to get my bag of stuffs, (I left Kisou under my table stupid me) and guess who I found there?? LOL. Some people got locked up in St Rapheal's and they couldn't get out. LOL, conversation goes as thus:
Girl: Is that you? *turns to friends* Hey! someone's here!
Tsu: Why are you there?
Girl: We got locked in, can you go look for the security?
Tsu: I'll do it if you can go to my table and get my CD.
Girl and friends:WHAT? We're stuck her and you want US to get your STUFF?
Tsu: yep. If not I'm going.
And they think I'm heartless, LOL. I just strike a good bargain that's all. ^^ Why shouldn't I? I walked all the way just to get my stuff. Ahahaha..... got my stuff and went for class which was pretty fun and pretty cool. LOL. My jacket is so uncool it's cool, or so they say.
Sent Li Chang home, cos she lives near me anyway. Talked to mom a little, felt nice and happy and warm and loved. <3 <3 <3 Happy~
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 10:22 p.m.+
Listening to: Unknown Despair A lost and Blitz Day4 setlist.
Finished wrapping my dear darling Auddy's present. It looks so nice and awful!! ^^v Like utterly trashy and utterly cute. It's amazingly trashy and cute and funky~ I wrapped in newspapers and Paris Hilton pictures and it looks kinda....I dunno...bimbotic and funny and funky too.
Mushi is nice.
Out of every single dir en grey song, it's problably my favourite.
Even though "nice" is the last way I'll describe the song.
Funny ne?
*smiles brightly*
Today I had tution again, and went through the motions like a normal person I am. It was perfectly okay until Gavin came and threw off my concentration once _again_ *sighs* Annoying. And I was mostly done with Crescent Girls' Paper too. *frustrated* I just arrgghhh...so irritating.
It's the way he gives advice for things I don't need.
The cynic in me just giggles uncontrollably.
It's just the -uselessness- of the advice.
For anyone else, yeah maybe.
But these are things I know but don't apply, like:
"Respect for parents cos they love you"
Shit like that.
I just twitch sliently and smile fixtatedly while looking blank and my pencil moves mechanically up and down the Math paper.
like: ^_______^ *twitch*
Anyhow, yesterday night was shit, much thanks to my dear darling auddy cos she's an angel. Well, actually, no. She's not an angel. She's a...ummm....what are you anyway? Oh yes, a perfectly normal human being (Her words, not mine) After she dropped the call, I vented my frustrations by completing the whole Add Math Paper 1 for Cresent's.
Be productive!
-------------------
The sky is mauve-ish, no longer raw flesh pink. It's not a great sky, but better than red bleeding meat sky. It's rather violet, quite pretty actually. Almost almost -almost- nice.
I'm stoning a litte, a litte by little.
Get it out of my system.
under your skin...
under your skin.
Under.Your.Skin.
UNDER YOUR SKIN
something like that.
Zomboid is my duckie song.
LOL and no, I'm not explaining that joke to anyone.
bleed flesh sky, raw and red
gunshot smile, blood on cheek and lips
strangled ricktus grin, a face
asphyxiation of your orgasm
LOL, the best way to die in death.
I remember a joke, how life should start backwards, and then you go all the way back and die as your dad's orgasm.
Feeling rather rude and macabre and dirty tonight. Satin Lace Ditties....
Either that or too much Zomboid has screwed my mind up into frozen condom packets and dried dirt.
--------------------------
Pierrot makes me happy too.
Like acid trips.
Don't you love me?
If you love me kiss me harder.
Don't you want me?
If you want me, take me
Edge and ounce of it
breathe deeply, twist and roll
the paper, the white paper, the white powder
hurry the nurse is coming
hurry the doctor's orders
a breath
thank god it's good and over
lick your lips for remainders
take me, that wasn't too hard was it?
I used to think that the only was was through veins and all until I found that some people shot it through their eyeballs cos anywhere else gave you scars. Models especially. The stuff in your eye...virtous humor LOL.
Cherry syrup that looks like blood that looks like red paint that looks like lipstick that looks like a slab of tuna that looks like after-sunsets that looks like...?
Cherry Pie Filling.
-----------------
Perhaps Sin was right.
Pisceans are nymphomaniacs.
At least I am.
I'm insanely curious about every aspect.
To the point that I nearly called a girl
Just for an interview.
Strange heh?
And I haven't even slept with anyone.
^___________________________________^
Read this smile any way you please.
Pick your innuendo.
love (silk lace satin)
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 09:49 p.m.+
Listening to: I don't care.
There are many reasons why people say I'm born with innate tolerance and patience.
This is one of them.
I truly truly detest my father.
Loathe him.
I want to take a pickaxe and kill him.
And it hasn't changed much.
9 years old I said I would kill him.
Time heals huh?
16 years old I -STILL- want to kill him.
It started out as a fairly normal day, and then I had tuition which usually makes me happy but this time it didn't due to Gavin. I just don't like him, Gemini. He reminds me too much of my own brother and father for me to ever feel comfortable.
So it started off badly.
Evening rolled along, and we -had- to go out with him. Self-perseveration kicks in. I hate going out with him, but I have to if not my brother would dominate everything and he would absolutely forget that he had 2 daughters in existance as well. Dressing up in a skirt is a good reminder. However much I don't want to go, I have to because it's -sensible-.
It's this damned sense of duty.
Or responsibility.
Ahhh...selfishness of self-perservation.
So we had coffee and I was bored but hey, at least it was okay. Until they started talking about my brother's trip to London. Then he started reminscening on his travels and he volunteered to send my brother to Europe for a bloody -month- on an all-expense paid trip worth $10 000 to seven countries. Italy, Spain, Switzerland, Germany, Portugal, France and back to Italy.
It's not just anger.
It's pain too.
I don't even know whether to cry or kill.
He really doesn't care.
I might as well start accepting it.
However unfortunate, I have emotions.
And I can't seem to get over it.
Ever been rejected?
It's 10 times worse because I have to see it, feel it and I don't even have a chance of getting over it.
And he's my -father-
He can't even be bothered to care.
I'm going to Japan next year.
On my mom's cash.
And he's only concerned with -males-
Sexist jerk.
Why? Why why why why??????
I'm not anything less than my brother. I can do whatever he can do. The only thing I'm missing is a bloody frikkin penis and a useless chromosome.
And then I just want to cry.
I can tell myself over and over again it's useless.
He's old damnit and a bloody male chauvenist.
He's a Chinese male chauvenist.
I can't change decades of thinking.
Yet yet....
Hope.
Bloody disappointing hope.
That one day I'm as good enough, or better.
It sucks.
It really really really sucks.
I have only myself to count on.
I can't expect more than pittance.
I can't rely on anyone except myself now.
He's not going to help me.
He's just going to use me, that fucker.
He's going to use me in his fucking company to make it grow.
Well mister, I'm not.
I'm going to destroy him.
I'm going to succeed and then disown him and pay him back every single cent.
Every Single Cent.
I owe him nothing then.
And he will be nothing to me.
Good riddence to him.
LOL. My mom once said that don't trust his word unless he puts it on paper.
Well, even on paper it's not trustworthy.
It's a contract written in lemon-ink, signed with sugar water and eaten by ants.
That's all it's worth.
The worth of ant-spit.
I can't do anything now.
Grin and bear it.
Let him pay for your education.
Pull your lips fixtatedly and smile.
Take his money.
Shake his hands and wipe it on your skirt.
Wait for the signal
then ShowTime.
Well, see you in hell you f*cker.
I'll be laughing from heaven.
love (castrate'em all)
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 10:42 p.m.+
It's problably a bad idea to blog now.
Then again, I don't really care what people read.
In that sense I'm perfectly (mostly)honest about my faults.
and that was more than enough
Is it?
I feel old.
A little more than that, a little cynically sad too.
Sham sentiment, eh?
Yesterday night was frightening. Really really really frightening. Actually, frightening is kinda mild, more like absolutely terrifying horrifying -there-. I think I panicked. It felt like a dream, but how can it be a dream within a dream with a dream? More like nightmare I think. Except it was real.
Have you ever been trapped by your body?
Your body falls asleep before your mind does and you don't fall asleep but instead you're trapped inside yourself and you can't sleep. You can't move your body because technically, you -ARE- asleep. There's this queer falling sensation just before it happens. I remember desperately moving my eyeballs to stay awake and jerk myself back to awarenes.
I couldn't even move my finger. Not a twitch.
Sheer willpower pulled me out of it.
It happened 3 times.
First 2 times, I breathed so deeply that the sound woke "me" up because I'm sensitive to noise at night so I was pretty sure I could wake myself up with it. The third time freaked me out because I nearly couldn't do it and I stupidly left my eyes open so I was sleeping with my eyes open. I kept on moving my eyeballs in desperation and finally managed to twitch myself awake by jerking my leg. Eyeballing does not work.
I almost don't want to fall asleep anymore.
And the dreams that come with it.
I can't tell you, but you can be sure it ain't good.
I hate this.
I love this.
Arrghhh....and I have major major exams too!
I don't want medication just before my papers!
It would make me so zoned out that I would problably do badly.
It's frikkin bad timing.
seasons we pass
mist through mist
shadowed peoples, voices like rain
can you hear me calling for you?
I feel heartbreaking, sort of shatter-y pain and damnit, it hurts. Ack, I don't even know what I'm crying for. Nothing, but it hurts. It hurts like brokeness, it hurts like hollowness, it hurts like a bruise from a loved one, a slap from an absuive husband, a singular betrayal of person, or personality. Anyhow, all you need to know it that damnit! It Hurts
I know that all you reading have a heart.
But I don't think that you really have an idea what I go through on daily basis.
It's almost worse than empathy, because at least you know what you're feeling sad for.
I absolutely have no idea why my heart is breaking like someone just dumped me.
And it's weird cos I'm crying and laughing at the same time.
Okay, enough of this.
--------------------------------
My internet connection broke down yesterday and I was damned pissed off. Actually I figured that the reason was either becaise the router was down or that the bloody Singapore Land Transport had accidentally cut my lines.
Why? Because they're building a frikkin' MRT station near my house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *pissed*
It'll be completed in 2008.
Can you imagine the noise and dust? Oh my god...They'll be digging underground day in day out and the place will be deadly noisy and crowded. And once the train station is built, it'll be so crowded and noisy here. Arrghhh! I hate it hate it hate it.
Of all places why do I live so near Orchard Rd?
Stupid urban city space of squashed flats.
Arrrrrrrrrrrghhhhh >_____<
love
highly disgruntled tsu
+tsu waited for you at 12:00 p.m.+
Listening to: You really don't want to know.
Felt strangely dissassociated with self today. Almost like I was watching myself watch myself, slightly depersonalized, mostly annoying, slightly fascinating, like self made reality TV.
Yurameki is hitting hard //pounding// and it's fairly uhhh....twisty. New ideas...too many at once, my skin hurts from stratching. I really desperately need to find an outlet before I turn into a bloody alien and Audy won't talk to me.
I don't really know what happened.
But suddenly, bam! second seeing eyesight thing.
Like looking into 2 mirrors and figuring out that you're not really a reflection but a person.
Out of sorts. Literally.
It's a little like a peripheral vision, you blink and suddenly you're in a forest and there's a dark pool of whirling water pool and a tiny crickety wooden pier and soft mucky swampy smell of dead rot and wind in the air. And then fireflies. Lots of them. Lots and lots of fireflies and a frozen face staring out of the water.
Blink again, and I'm back at Orchard Road, Third Floor, Ladies' section making my way to Kinokuniya.
It's pretty alarming since it's -usually- not that strong.
You know the saying, "I think therefore I am". Well, if you are a form of thoughts, or at least of consciousness, that would mean that thoughts can kill you too. The more you transfer reality, the more likely you can actually get hurt in one. Or at least that's my theory.
Then when she started playing that weird remix of "Favourite things" (Sound of Music) by Kra (?). It started again like......dunno.....Empty room with windows open and a parquet floor and the curtains swaying to the breeze, white curtains, glass shattered and fragmented on the floor and a lone person dancing in the middle. Ballet steps, one. two. knees bent and then an arebesque.
It's kinda strange and comforting and weird at the same time.
Strange because I'm offically not supposed to hallucinate anymore, since I'm basically adjusted back to society and my disorder is considered mildest of mild unless under pressure. Comforting because well.....it shows that I'm not losing any yurameki or inspiration, and that I still have the capacity to write. It's sort of comforting, like going back home, or going to a country you've visited before but just not this particular place. Weird because well, I just finished clearing the last batch of it and I'm not due for another session until 2 months later.
Maybe it's the stress.
Or something.
Even auddy thought I was an alien.
*sighs*
I'm not really alien, it's as part of myself as not being part of myself. I -will- have to go through this umm stage. I do it every 2 months to remain sane (or at least my defination of it) It helps relieve me of my escapist tendencies and like, umm....feel like remaining on Earth for a while longer. I haven't really changed. I'm still me. It's just a different aspect that perhaps freaks you out but well.........
without it I won't write.
without it I won't draw.
or compose. or listen to music.
it's a rather small price to pay, methinks.
Lots of things to say, will continue tomorrow since it's really late and my brother has to work tomorrow.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 12:16 a.m.+
Listening to: London After Midnight-Spider and Fly, Dir en Grey- Cage
Felt sick and grouchy this morning, I still feel a little sore and cranky. Got better during the later part of the day thankfully, if not I would have thrown one of my mild irritable moody tempers that seem to consist excatly of "nothings" and "neverminds".
Played with duct tape-san and finally tied Auddy up. LOL. I'm not sadistic or anything, nor am I inherently psychotic (stop laughing you dolts *glares*) I simply wanted to conduct an experiment on power exchanges since I'm writing a fic on one.
It's an interesting experiment, to say the least. I've been tied up before, so I knew where my limits were, and where her limits were. It's kinda hard to explain how the power exchange occurs. When you allow yourself to be tied up, theoratically you're submitting. But then again, by giving up your ability to defend yourself, it shows an amazing amount of trust. If you consider that you belong utterly to the other, then the other must also belong utterly to you.
So it's balanced because -you- let the person tie you up. The person would therefore have to be responsible for both person's safety.
In a way, being tied up is a freedom because by allowing yourself to be helpless, you are free of all responsibilities. It's a different, but no less important type of freedom.
That, I suppose, is the root of all BSDM.
Next, victim's feelings. When I asked Auddy earlier about how she would react to such a situation, she said she'll problably keep calm and sleep.
Tsu's findings:
stage one- denial
stage two- complaining/blaming
stage three- anger
stage four- desperation
stage five- bargaining with captors
stage six*- fear
stage seven*- acceptance
* indicate not done by auddy but tsu's personal experience.
Very useful for writing S-Teki. Good thing too, because now I have a better idea to gauge Sakki's reaction as well as Sayuri's. A combination of sheer terror and a power trip should suffice for her feelings.
Interesting na?
She was kinda pissed when I tied her up though.
What can I say?
For the sake of experimentation I guess.
Class was sort of hot, sort of sleeply, mostly boring. Too much History stuffed within a couple of hours, running from Stalin to Hitler to Mao at the frenetic speed. It's like speeding, and going at 120 km/h in the morning is just a little too much for lil' ol' me. Terrifyingly fast, and mostly I just sat there and absorbed and absorbed like a sponge I was to be.
Arrghhh...my head hurts from too much thinking.
"Mao, founder of Modern China". Agree or disagree? Explain.
Too many aspects.
My hand hurts from writing.
Too many definations.
The ink is running dry.
Too many thoughts.
Mind is overcrowded.
Sky is that shade of reddish-pink again, like raw flesh on a butcher's table. It's pinky and pink usually means rain, except in this case I think it's just dust in the air, and it's making my nose itch. Pollution. It's this particular shade of flesh pink, raw pink, or the red of sashimi on the table.
Rain damnit...or I'll start sneezing again!
And the Apprentice last episode is next thurdsay ^^v
God I'm such a TV freak.
Why am I such a freak?
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 09:30 p.m.+
Listening to: London After Midnight- Spider and Fly
Meet my latest mp3 obessesion! London After Midnight~ Pretty cool, deliciously sadistic lyrics, gothic-ish enough to rival Mana or Moi dix Moi plus it sounds good. I mean, the vocalist has a semi-dark, sweetly tangy acidic sounding voice that sounds like lacquer and old newspaper.
London After Midnight, indeed.
Very classy gothic theatre-ish music that sounds straight out of an Andrew Lolyd Webber production, complete with organs and pianos.
I like it~ suprisingly better than most J-rock.
Feel sick today, too much sun. Oh god, please rain. Ended up with a disgusting fever and sore throat and only felt better after litres and litres of water. I'm very sorry for not turning up today >_________< I promise to come tomorrow~
Bought duct-tape, and now it's my darling~ oooo~ so pretty and silver and sticky looking. So utterly......poessesive. xD And it's so SHINY!~ ^_________________^ I bought it for research purposes for S-teki, never did I expect it to be so pretty and shiny and pretty and sparky <3 <3 My new friend~
And it only costs $3! *yeshhhhhh*
Hot hot hot..........Arrghhh I hate the weather. It makes me ill just thinking about it. I was never meant for the tropics.
Anyhow, I'm planning to tie someone up as a test subject. If not, I'll have to think of something...........*sighs* It's not good to just write fiction for fiction's sake, it's much better to get it accurately, and protray it as realistically as possible if not the point is more or less lost.
Tired and headachy....
Better sleep then
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 10:42 p.m.+
Listening to: Unknown Despair A Lost - DeG
Have you ever gotten drunk on sunshine?
It's like drowning in golden syrup, hot and warm and getting drunk on it. It's dope, crack and coke (with a pinch of LSD) together forming dazes of waking unreality and hazy daydreams. Your mind turns into mush, sloshing around in the confines of your cranium. It's like those pastries, those sponge cake type where they drown the miniature sponge into a vat of honey and add a maraschino cherry on top.
It's something to really get high on.
Makes you want to loll around in the cesspool of metaphorical existance, admiring the colours of sunset, courtesy of pollution and wonder if acid pink is really better than highlighter orange.
*blows a raspberry*
Hot hot hot.........Almost makes me want to cut my hair in protest.
Finished Gerald Durell's new book, and my determination to find an island of my own has increased tenfold. That's it. I'm going to Pipi Island at the end of the year whether people want to come with me or not. With the onset of budget airlines, each return ticket is barely $30.
Even if no one wants to come along, I'll go on my own. I mean, it's a beautiful place with deep lagoons the colour of agate with ribbons of slivery ripples crashing into foamy white waves on sparkling beaches.
I'll go once with dad and sis.
And another on my own (or something).
So while I'm busy daydreaming about holidays, my teachers are also haruaging me for work. Honestly, sometimes I just want to pickaxe them or shoot them with a cyanide syringe. It doesn't help that I know how to make cyanide, which just makes it more and more tempting. On the other hand, my Literature teacher thinks my cooking is delicious, ahahahaha.
Thank god she doesn't know I really like chemistry too.
Or that I do experiments in the kitchen.
*falls over laughing*
I'm somehow continually bemused/amused/running away from my classmates. It's highly interesting, this herd mentality. They really think they want me to go for this darn graduation thing and dress in evening wear and air-kiss. *amused* When throughout the year they have either told me to "shut up" or use me as a machine to do their dirty work.
And they don't really like me either. *bemused* So why?
I suppose it's self-pat-backing.
So now they're angry with me for not coming. LOOOL.
I can honestly say all I want to do is to slack infront of a computer or cinema, or do some photography and eat gelato in disgustingly mismatched flavours. (blood orange and green tea!) Or hide in the astrology/psychology/paranormal section of Kinokuniya. I don't want to hang around people I never want to see ever again in my life, unless of course, I want something.
*prods bugs*
I'm really getting pissed at all these rain-bugs because they seem to infest every single surface. And they seem to know excatly when to fly in and land on my book just when I'm at a particulary fun part. *swats flies* Damned buggers.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 08:34 p.m.+
Listening to: Dragon Ash - Cowboy Fuck
I'm *deliriously* happy! Super duperly happy~
Woke up lazily, and went out for Sunday Brunch at Lawry's with mom. Dressed nicely ^-^ The food was okay but the coffee was fantastical. Deep, rich, -black- coffee with heaps of sugar and those white chocolate covered French cookies with nuts (ameretto? armetini?) and salad.
Had our delicious lunch, walked round Paragon and started shopping starting from Jus'de Orange. Helped her pick a nice tweed brown skirt with orange threadings. Pity the teal was out of stock, cos the colour was really nice. Signed up for their mailing list though ^^;;;;;;
Yare yare...
Headed to Takashimaya, looked at the jewels at the Annunal Jewelfest. Beautiful stuff, I liked the designs from Italy the best~ Sort of whimiscal, fancy cute stuff with enamel colours. Like Bulvgari on crack ^^ Did a thorough shopping starting with level 3. Let's see, final count is:
Mom's damage
South sea pearl earrings ($980-ish) Tianpo
Brown Tweed skirt ($50?) Jus de Orange
Green shirt ($44) Sisley
Brown Tweed pants ($78) Phuture London
Pink/Black shirt ($88) Liz Clariborne
Green shirt ($70) Polo Ralph Jeans
Tsu's damage
Brown skirt ($89) Zara
Collar shirt ($78) Ralph Lauren
Hai hai *sweatpour* I'm a shoplaholic
I'm unbearably spoilt right?
My clothes are so darn expensive
Or as my mom says "Too tasteful"
It's not I really want to spend so much, it's more like...I just can't seem to like/look good/wear stuff from Far East properly. It's too gaudy and too flashy and the skirts are too short or the material really sucks and the workmanship is horrible. I look darn weird and out of place. Like, ALIEN.
I suppose part of the problem is my upbringing. ^^;;
Even as kids, my mom would dress us (me, my bro and sis) up in really cute outfits. Cute as they were, they weren't cheap. Usually her fave places were those Japanese brands or Australian kids' wear which later translated to my inconcievable expensive tastes like Mango, Zara, Ralph Lauren and Burberry. Or heaven forbid! Atsuro Tamayo.
It doesn't help that I have really good -good- fashion sense.
I mean, seriously.
Try to beat my 16 years of fashion consultancy.
Which also cancels nearly every shop from Far East. It's not that I don't like the designs, it's the -quality-. Like, try wearing a 100-thread count Eygptian cotton and wear another of a lower count. It's different. Then there's the cut, workmanship and pure design skill.
I know I sound really spoilt.
I'm very sorry.
But it's an innate thing.
I just find that I look really trashy.
I can't wear it without feeling weird.
It's a level of umm...taste..I suppose.
Some people can carry it off beautifully.
But I just look really out of place.
So I'll rather stick to my extremely expensive taste.
It's an indulgance yeah.
Costs even more than a Dir en Grey CD ^^;;;
But I take a certain amount of joy in looking pretty.
Not for anyone, just for myself.
Who knows?
Maybe I'll dress pretty tomorrow.
LOL.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 09:08 p.m.+
Listening: Frangrance-Gackuto
I named my entry after dessert. Ahahahaha XD
So anyway, got back all my horrendously terrifying results in which I will scream and yell over in private. Ah well, no point crying over split milk.
Anyhow, I'm opening a competition for S-teki/In Ten Days'. Write me a sidestory/ Draw me something and win SGD $35 or a jrock/anime magazine of your choice. Anyone can apply
If you want to see the current entries, click below:
Done by me(aka reference only)
One
Two
Three
Done by Phiryn (reference only)
Sakki
Two
As you can see, I'm not very particular. If you want Sakki in pink, fine with me. School uniform in blue? Great! Curly hair? Also fine.^______________^ Ganbatte!
Had dinner with my dad, managed not to get annoyed and spent all *his* money on books. Got my SAT books, George Durell, cooking magazines and general stuff. Lovely dinner at a Japanese restuarent and I love chesnut rice~ <3 <3 Tasted fantastic, mainly because I was hungry after one whole afternoon of studying.
I hate intergration. I hate intergration. I really hate intergration.
Went home smelling of his smoking (yuck) and unfortunately, he's in SG next week too. How terrible. I can't decide which is worse, me seeing him on weekends or me -detesting- to see him on weekends. How unfilial of me. LOL.
Unfortunately for him, there's a very special place reserved just for hating him, with occasional flashes of pity.
Oh yeah, some BAD news:
Yoshiki use to date Paris Hilton (!!!!!!).
It's in her darn book.
Everyone! Please vomit together!
*gag*vomit*choke*spew*regurigate*die*
How.......disgusting.......
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 10:59 p.m.+
Listening to: Shinsou (the 3rd one)
[S-teki]Kakusei
Oh yeah, Kakusei means "awaken" with sexual conntations. Something like "enlightment".
love (ahahahaha)
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 10:45 p.m.+
Listening to: Zomboid
Ummm...How should I start?
First I need to apologize and thank various people. So sorry for breaking down into a improblable mess on Tuesday. Really really sorry. >____< I know I took up alot of time and sorry for crying and all that stuff. I know you mean well but you don't understand.
And Kyou? Really really sorry. Thank you for your email and um, no thank you. Please don't kill her. Yea, and no threats either, okay?
And I'm not planning to go back to -there- anymore.
I'm sorry for being such a disappointing person.
Hmm......Recovering. I'm actually surprised how fast it takes to get better. Apparently Helena was right. See I was trying to die so I didn't eat and drank panadol-laced water which of course, thinned my blood. If not for the fact that she said "sorry" yesterday I would have been a dead tsu.
My pulse rate is back to normal in any case.
And yes, I'm still breathing.
Has anything changed? Maybe I'm not sure. Small changes...I don't know. Inside, perhaps. That itchy feeling underneath it all. But I'm okay now, still alive and I actually ate something, which is pretty amazing considering I went on for 2 days with no food and panadol-water.
Actually I'm pretty surprised I survived.
Considering I did an excellant calculation on it.
For instance, no food for 3 days kills you (lack of glucose), complete with panadol-laced water (5 pills a day, last day 8 pills) which would have thinned my blood to such an extent that it wouldn't flow (which is why I was so tired). It's a fairly safe (?) way of dying.
Painless too.
I figured it would take me excatly 70 hours to die.
And by that time she apologized, it was 58 hours.
Hell, I survived.
Guess she's stuck with me forever.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 09:47 p.m.+
Listening to: I don't know and don't really care either.
Everyone is giving me the same advice.
Some more understanding than others.
Mrs Alex is deathly afraid that I'm going to do something stupid
Which is pretty close.
You know what?
I thought hell was bad, but this is worse.
It's day in day out hell.
I can't not see her.
She's in my class.
I can't not see her.
She knows most of my schoolfriends.
I've sort of given up hope on reconcilation.
Simply because she doesn't want to.
Live with it, they say.
Time will heal all wounds.
-I listen-
She's using you.
It's all in your mind.
-I wonder if they understand-
It's like taking a dagger, stabbing yourself over and over, tearing your heart out and offering it in shameless pittance.
Do you understand?
I have no more reason to live.
I don't want to write.
I don't want to draw.
I don't want to sleep.
I don't want to eat.
I'm not fighting to live.
She doesn't even need to raise the knife, I'm dead inside already.
Mrs Alex understands.
If I was in a better mood I'll be amused
I think she won't be too surprised if I did die
It's not just Audrey anymore.
It's the end of a dream.
You know? I dream.
I dream a lot. I dreamt that all of us (neko,natz,auddy et al) will be together in Tokyo.
And when she took the 156 today
I knew it
I knew it
And the dream is gone
Love doesn't exist
Trust is a false word
Betrayal lurks at every corner
Everyone leaves you.
I don't want to stay here anymore.
I can't die either.
I'm stuck in a meaningless existantal void of nothingness
Bleak greyness of despair-worse-than-despair
Do you understand?
Love has died for me
And I don't want to live already
16 years of existance
With another 50-ish years of GREY BLEAK GREY EMPTINESS.
That's all I have left.
What's the point of saving the world when the people you want to be with aren't there?
THERE IS NO POINT ANYMORE.
I don't care.
I really don't.
I'm just sorry that it had to end like this.
Or perhaps, it was inevitable.
Our relationship was based on obession/dependancies from the start.
Now it's just who has the lucky chance of dying first.
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 09:06 p.m.+
Listening to: Final
-Tomorrow is going to be a full moon so there's gonna be WEREWOLVES!!!! *squee* Let's go take pictures and remind Moony to drink his potion- <---reminder from my sister.
"Mr Moony would like to advise Professer Snape to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business."
Watched Blitz day 4 concert
Halfway through mushi I ran to the shower
Filthy dirty need shower
Lots of water
My brother told me to get a grip on myself.
So I got a grip on myself.
I'm going shopping tomorrow.
Somehow I have a feeling that a pimple will form overnight.
SHOW LIE MAD SEXUAL
I'm going to buy a miniskirt
I'm going to get a grip on myself
I'm going to believe I can do that
Damnit I suck.
But I can't keep on running after her.
I -always- do that.
Every single time.
Every single time.
Every single time.
Every. Single. Time.
This time, I'm not.
If she wants me, she'll have to find me.
Just this once.
Because I do it, Every. Single. Time.
She's always testing me anyway
Test for love
Test for trust
Test for this, test for that.
I passed it
And she keeps on testing all the same.
It's my turn to test now.
Because if she doesn't want me
I should be making friends
I shouldn't be agnozing over stupid things
Get a grip on yourself.
Will she?
Won't she?
I love you
Really. I did.
I hate you
Well. Not yet. Not really. I try
You decide.
And it's really truly totally up to her now.
And Zomboid makes me laugh :D LOL....
love show lie mad sexual
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 10:14 p.m.+
I'm fucking pissed.
In fact, I'm so fucking annoyed that I don't know which group to kill first.
Maybe I should start with the people around me, since they're such selfish inconsiderate people who seem to only care about themselves and their results that my BLOODY PHYSICS PRELIMS! paper could disappear like Poof!. Maybe I should chop their innards and sell them at an offal market. Or scream really really loud.
How could they do this????
I leave the school for an exam
And my paper not only goes unchecked, but DISAPPEARS.
Or maybe I should start with my "friends"
I mean, what the fuck?
Are you also so stuck in your damn petty universe?
Or you just don't really care either?
You don't care.
You didn't even bother asking to check.
You just sat around and complained that you had a frikkin A1.
Or whatever.
You don't care so why the fuck are you my friend?
Or if you're going to start those damn "you can't understand me" arguements I'm going to laugh and spit at your face.
Dictionary:
1)A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
2)A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
You know I thought I could trust you.
You. Of all people.
Fuck you damnit.
Cause I actually liked you.
Well it's not important you can say. Just a piece of paper with some red marks, a couple of ticks and bad handwriting. EXCUSE ME. It's not just that. I'm worked for a bloody A1, I'm spent over $400 on tuition. I studied my arse off just to do it. And you can't even be bothered to ensure that well, I actually had a FUCKING PAPER.
What the hell.
Just........
Good riddence.
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 08:53 p.m.+
+tsu waited for you at +
Listening to: Taiyou no Ao
Went shopping with mom, got alternately pissed and happy. Pissed because she came -so- bloody frikkin late I might as well not go shopping because everywhere that sold clothes (read:miniskirts) was closed. She was supposed to come at 6.30pm but we ended up going out at 7.45pm! >_____< Terrible. So I'm going to buy clothes tomorrow, any volunteers?
Ran my errands eg. go supermarket shopping, buy stuff for teachers. Mom bought herself a book. Thankfully, it's a book I want, Meditations in Green. It's always good to get something that you like for other people, cos it's a sign of real, sincere, gift-giving. Reasoning: You're willing to give/share with someone else your idea of what is most precious to you.
Helped mom select something for her friend, which is amusing to say the least. Sometimes I feel like I'm just a convience store. Defination of a word? Check. Essay writing? Check. Clothes/Fashion? Check. Cooking? Check. Psycharitic consultation and conselling? Check check check. It's so automatic sometimes I don't even notice when people are simply using me like a vending machine.
Pay, dispense, leave.
Got the stuff for mom done, settled my own personal affairs, dragged her to Venezia for icecream cos damnit, I deserve something. Bought a lovely Yohgurt/Strawberry combo, which is both deliciously tart and sweet at the same time. Pity they ran out of Blood Orange, cos I would have liked to show it to her.
After all, that's just the right shade of highlighter.
So while I was glad that everything was settled nicely, I just felt kinda irritated because we -did- plan to go out together, -did- plan to buy some new miniskirts, -did- plan to have fun but we sort of ended up rushing for time like an insane human being. By the time we finished, the PA was making the 15 mins to store closing announcement and the doors of the supermarket were sliding down.
Went home, sorted out the cookies into their respective containers and did the requirement of letter-writing. LOL....It seems that my life is regulated by perpetual duties, routines, responsibilities that the only brief spark I have quite simply, writing.
Okay, enough whining from me.
I shouldn't be doing that.
I'm a perfectly lucky person
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 10:50 p.m.+
Listening to: Bottom of Death Valley
Baked a batch of cookies, aptly named Melting Moments. They're absolutely delicious, with the slight tart taste of lime (ran out of lemon), coated with caramelly chocolate glaze and violet icing on the top. ^^ I'm planning to give the teachers~ If you want any, leave a tag and I'll bring some specially for school.
I'm showered dry and smell like blueberry shampoo with buttery icing on my fingers, LOL. I guess I smell like a pastry. Going out with my mother this evening, it'll be nice. We haven't really had time to talk to one another lately, me with my exams, her with her late night courses. Maybe I'll get her to buy me a skirt and a book. I really want my sister to read Durell as well, I read it when I was younger and it was a lovely book.
Explained to my sister the workings of the 4th Dimension and how tesseracts form. LOL. You know what I find strange? I can explain complicated mathematical equations regarding theory of relativity, morphic reasonance et al but I can't seem to do basic algebra. It sucks >_______< LOL. I'll need a little bit more work on organizing the ideas though, currently, it's too incoherent for anyone to understand....Maybe I'll write it out on blog one day.
My sis classified me under her Harry Potter types as a Pureblood. LOL. Is it a compliment? Or is she trying to say I'm being bossy and arrogant?
Personally I think I make a lousy rebellious unorthodox Pureblood anyway. God knows how she classifies.
I should do some fic-writing. It's wonderful weather for it, pale jaundiced sky with white and paler weaker sunlight with non-enitity grey undertones. Very sickly looking. Even the healthy plants look ill....Plus my writing skills are back on track now that the 2 days are over. LOL.
Stoning season should be over methinks. My sanity as returned.
Got really frightened yesterday night though.
Okay, should start writing now. before it's too late
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 05:31 p.m.+
Listening to: Jessica wavemix
I have a killer, sledgehammer heavy headache.
I have a really good gut feeling that says that the headache is a gift from yesterday. LOL....arrghhh..hurrtssss.
Woke up with streaks of sunlight falling on my face. No, it wasn't the crack of dawn, instead, it was 1pm in the afternoon. So happy to wake late in the shady confines of my bed. It's still cool from the air-conditioning and it feels soft and slept upon and there's still traces of the person who slept on it. It's soft and daffy and sweet and coddled to just wake up.
Changed my wallpaper today. It's amazing how unoften I change it, and that I don't make my wallpapers myself (despite knowing how to make a layout). My reasons are simple. If it's not made by me, no one can blame me for bad taste. If it's an abstract wallpaper, no one can blame me for trying to make everyone jrock/anime/whatever. If it's in pale colours (blue/green/white), it's soothing and no one would complain.
Thus I never make a wallpaper.
I'm a sucker for pale abstract (simple) wallpapers.
If you want a look at my wallpaper, go Here
On the other end of equation, do you like my new layout? Thus marks the end of the Preliminary exams!Ah! Happiness requires a change of space. Anyhow, it features a rather lovely (if floating in space) Kaoru in pale cream. I like cream. And if you look closely at the smaller images it shows him trying to become the world's largest delinquent (tut tut)
Drinking driving straight to hell...LOL.
Feeling rather contented at the moment. I have a pretty new layout and a pretty blue lotus wallpaper as well as chocolate cake for dinner with cadbury icing and hazelnuts. Even the wavemix is getting to my head, makes me want to sway, dance, to a nonexistant beat in my beat with the wind blowing to my face and look to the gorgeous red night sky.
It's a beautiful shade of dark maroon-mauve today, and the trees stand a strong dark silhuotte to it. It's wonderful smokey, opium sexy feel.
Sometimes I can smell smoke, cigarette smoke, from here and it doesn't annoy as much. Faint rememberances, wisps of smoke, like lost thoughts never truly forgotten. It smells like another country.
Serenity.
Tomorrow is another day.
Need to cook, bake, for Mrs Alex.
Cookies called Melting Moments.
Butter that softens and moments that melt.
God I love wordplay.
love (and wordplay)
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 08:42 p.m.+
