[tsu wrote in blood at 04:12 p.m.]

In Pithy

Listening to: Luna Sea - Breathe

Was just listening to Gackt-Thinking Under Moon, it was soooooooo weird. Instead of acting all fangirly (read: dewy eyed, dreamy smile and heartfelt sighs) it was insane giggles and repeated shrieks of "OMG! This is SO BAD! HAHAHAHAHA"

Anti-Gacktness is way out fun. Join now!



Slacked around the house and read lots (and I mean lots) of Tom Riddle x Harry fics. Yea, I know....I'm evil and everything so what's new? Anyways, I'm offically unholy holy now. Sorta corrupted I guess. *polishes her halo* Actually, kinda funny.

Watched the Luna Sea and Hide LIVE! And that was just...beautiful. When it came to the chorus, I totally forgot about bad quality and lousy angles, I was going to cry! It was just so....beautiful and sad and Sugizo was hopping around in his pink hair and leather and J was bouncing with his tattered shirt and Hide! OMG! Okay, it's like "why did he die???" combined with a "Damn I wish I could see it". It was like I was mourning for the death of such talent, and that the talent would never create anything else, not really for -him-. I always feel pissed when people keep on telling me they have no potential and whine when I KNOW they do. Don't ask how, but I KNOW. Instinct I suppose.

Went to Concourse to buy some more ribbons for the Christmas tree! It was like some wonderland. So beautiful covered with lights and baubles and glass and sparkles and shimmers. I counted close to 80 trees in that place. There were green ones, white ones, blue ones and my sis spotted and ORANGE! one. I like to think it was a mistake and a factory reject. LOL. Went to eat duck rice/noodles and it was pretty wonderful just looking around and seeing everything. Feels....alive. Real. And I like that feeling, it makes me feel like no matter how much things screw me over, I'll still be me. Nice and real.

Gackt pisses me off. Really. Buy me Gackt for Christmas and you'll see a pudding at your face.

Mass was boring, met uncle Marc. He's okay, kinda sissy-ish but okay. Plus he took care of me when I was younger ^^ Used to carry me around cos I was too short to see anything and he'll host me up on his shoulders during Christmas pagents, he bought me tons of books too and taught me how to read. Therefore, he ranks along the line of "family friend". Strange......But he never became anymore than that. No chemistry with my mom I guess. I'm kinda happy that way cos he's waaaaaaaaaaay too much like me for us to like each other much. And I think he knows it.

We're just too much alike for us to like each other.

Both of us have zillions of friends and aquaintances yet barely a handful of them get close. Off my fingers, I'll say that I only trust 3 of my friends with my life. (exculding family) We read too much, stay out too much, party alot, overtly solitary, don't offer information and prefer to keep to our own consel. Our birthdays around each other too. Scary ne?

It's like looking into a mirror.

Fricking scary.

But because we're so alike (flamboyancy et al) we don't like each other much. It's worse than looking into a mirror because he's 20 years older than me. It's like looking at your future and he's looking at the 15 year old female version of himself. Therefore, we mantain friendly distances. He doesn't bugger my life, and we talk like friends. Warily of course. Wariness from my side cos I'm younger, sarcasm from his cos he's older. Common sense, cos that's what I'll do if I were him.

Enough of that.

Feeling better lately. Like feathery pillows and white and blue edging with storms and grey stars and pink skies and violet spectrums. Draggy long with angel sounds and sprinkles of unease and restlessness. Sparkles and shimmers of anticipation and breathy ending sound gasp.

Lareine makes me laugh. Heck, Jrock is beginning to make me laugh. LOLLLLLLLL....Sounds like a Days of Our Lives opening. XD XD

Dreamt of leXis yesterday night. I don't know -what- to think. I really don't. Bloody hell I'm a sexually confused 15 year old! Cut some slack will ya? Anyhow, it wasn't anything scary or sexual, just plain WERID. Either that, or I've been going shopping too much.

And here be the Almighty Wishlist!

Wishlist
1.Yoshiki or a plane ticket to L.A
2.leXis safe and sound in S'pore
3. X Japan anythings.
4.Roma Eterna by Robert Silverberg
5.Glaxa-Arena by Gillian Rubenstein
6.Someone to sing me "Forever Love" XD (kidding!)
7.Futuretrack 5 by Robert Westall
8. Gauze Album by Dir en Grey
9. The Scavengers' Tale by Rachel Anderson
10. Chocolates!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~~~ XD XD XD (make them dark please!~)

PS. No stuff toys, no Gackt and no condoms ^^ I'm allergic to stuff toys see?

love
tsu

[tsu wrote in blood at 09:28 p.m.]

SPARKLIES* * * ~~~~~~* *

Listening to: Joey deLuxe - Undercover

Woke up feeling happy, and decided on impluse to invite Alex over. Went swimming, cooked scrambled eggs and ate Pokey! Swimming was fun and Alex was so scared of the water...Pretty funny and then we sunned ourselves silly and flopped on our bellies. Went home and binged on chocolate, more chocolate and scrambly eggs.

Afterwards we all headed for the bedroom and proceed to talk rubbish. We as in Alex, My sis and I. Giggling like crazy over being 16 and how they would buy me a cake with the words 'Goodbye Statoury Hello Consensual" and condoms. Soooooo bad. And then I was pointing out random things like the clouds look like sperm and they were thwacking me with pillows for that.

One more thing: I'm not pervy!!!!

She stayed for dinner and then they started braiding my hair, LOL. So funny. I've got mini dreadlocks now and it's pretty cool. Laughed myself crazy today and I hoped everyone had fun ^-^ Come again soon!

Love
very happy tsu

[tsu wrote in blood at 09:36 p.m.]

Not Quite There Yet

Listening to: Drain Away - Dir en Grey

Been downloading tons of music, mostly English. Stuff like Joey DeLuxe and Berlin et al. My brother says I have strange tastes *grins* What's wrong with Eurythemics?

On the other hand, I'm beginning to like less of Dir en Grey and Malice Mizer. Mostly Malice Mizer because the tunes aren't fantastic. Drain Away grows on you though ^^ Might write a fic on that

I'm quite...QUITE pissed with In Ten Days' ending, I'm gonna rewrite it. PISSED. It just doesn't ring right, should've paid more attention to what I was listening and listening to Drain Away while writing a death scene is bad. Bad bad bad...

Read leXis's entry on Aspects, and how she complained of not having enough yurameki. Yurameki is inspiration, anyways, I prefer using yurameki to inspiration simply because of the sound. Yurameki has a "yura" sound which sounds like "yume", dream, plus yurameki also has meanings like ripples. So yurameki sounds like a dream ripple, which is true. Inspiration just sounds like flying.

Back to the point, Aspects. This got me thinking again, mostly because I feel that there's something wrong with the concept. What do you call part of an aspect? Sub-aspect? No. It's also called an aspect. An aspect is a part of (singular). You don't have a part of, part of. Tricky part: If an aspect is only one part of, that means that the character who is playing that part, would be one dimensional and shallow. Unless of course, they can switch parts, but that isn't an aspect anymore, that's a role. So if let's say everyone was an aspect, it would mean that every man is an island if not we're go crazy, but we're in the same ocean.

Simply beacuse, there's no such thing as a true self. We're socially conditioned by our enviroments, taught by our parents, influenced by friends and experiences. If you were a "true self" you wouldn't change at all but remain and make the same mistakes.

Okay, enough.

I'm also kinda pissed at Neil Gaiman. He should have just left the Sandman as it is or stick to writing comices. His novels were AWFUL!. American Gods was forgivable, Good Omens was passe, but Stardust was ABOMINABLE. Then he came up with Endless Nights. The Death story was overdone and predictable. Death can't go here, meets young boy, they go in and kill everyone, guy wakes up with a retrospective that goes along the lines of "puppets of the endless". This, which, Gaiman ALREADY did with Doll's House. Originality please! The only story worth reading was the particulary well done Desire story. The rest was terrible! On the other hand, his monthly comic with Marvel, 1602 was pretty okay. He should stick to that and not novels. Tis crap.

*pulls Gaiman down from her favourite author's list*

Overexposure.

Back to my life, went filming on Tuesday. I expected 4 people to turn up, Melody, Chere, Rosemary and Melody's cousin. WHAT THE HELL!!!~ 8 BLOODY PEOPLE TURNED UP. *dies in logistical horror* Melody brought 3! of her cousins and their girlfriends......*dies in shock.* So we all tromped down to City Hall, and I was a nervous wreck. Big. Nervous. Wreck. *sulks* They were playing all the time and went to buy food and everything so by the time we got to Esplande Park to film it was nearly 8.30pm.

Pissed is mild. F*cking hell is more like it.

At Esplande, we realized that Melody and her cousin has absolutely no chemistry. *dies* Oh great. But we did our best and we managed to get them to stand close and pretend. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!!?? *screams wails* Look, I can't do the acting because I'm doing the filming, and I can't film and act at the same time. Plus I look waay out underage.

So they played and goofed around.

And we all went back home at 12 midnight.

Fantastic.

Erieko, take care and have fun!~ Glad your exams are over! PARRTTTTYYYYYY!!!! XD XD *glomp*

Alex, wanna come over? Cos I won't be free from 18th to 3rd Dec. ^^;;; It'll be nice to have company.

Audy and Natz, Muwhahahahahahaha.........

love to all,
tsu

[tsu wrote in blood at 11:18 a.m.]

In Ten Days

Listening to: Gravity - Yoko Kanno

It's been a long and fruitful journey with Raphel and Jeremy and DAMN! I'm gonna miss them *huggles* For one thing, it's my first time writing a multipart story and I'm glad I did.

Oh yeah, there will be an epilouge as well as a NC-17 version side story. Be on a look out!~

--------------------------------
In Ten Days'
Tenth Day
---------------------------------

Day Ten

The sun was setting, colours dancing in harmony in the endless sky. Rose red, Ultramarine, Viridian, Baby Pink, Golden Yellow, Violet Raphel mentally named them all. Twilight danced her pearly shadows and lights, shadows streching longer, further, into night. Like patterns... He gazed at the floor, watching them dance beneath his feet. Lace of light and shadows.

"Raphel?"

Jeremy.

"Here. I was just looking at the shadows, aren't they beautiful?" He spread his hands to emphasis the point.

"Whatever you say." Shrugging, Jeremy turned his heel to walk away. "C'mon, let's hurry up, we have to get there in time."

"Get where?" Though he knew perfectly well what "there" was.

"The secret of course!" Impatiently, he tapped his foot. "Please?" Intense blue eyes looked at him, "I really want to show you."

Smile. "Let's hurry then."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jeremy.

A slight tender happy expression crossed his face. He could not really see where he was going, Jeremy had insisted blind-folding him at the last part of the journey. He had agreed, trusting his lover.

Lover.
In truth he had never expected anyone, much less someone like Jeremy. Cynical Jeremy, with bitterness in his heart and sarcasm as his armour. Child Jeremy, with his youthful innocene and mischief. Then...There was just, Jeremy. His friend, his companion, his lover. Yes, lover. Even whores deserve love. And Jeremy deserved much more.

Especially if he was as good in bed as Jeremy was.

He licked his lips unconciously, remembering this morning's wake up call. First a morning sleepyhead, then... He grinned to himself. Thank you, love. That was the -best- wake up call I ever had.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"We're here. Let me help you with the blindfold." Raphel breathed a sigh of relief, it was hard getting here, climbing up something. climbing down, walking blindly in every twist and turn. He was tired from all the running about. I guess I'm not as young as I think I am He thought ruefully to himself. Two quick, sucessive pulls and the knots were gone.

Raphel blinked, unaccustomed to the light. His eyes scanned the area trying to figure out where they were. To the right, the London Eye arched proudly near the Thames. To the left, the park. We're at the rooftop of some building I suppose. True enough, he looked down and took a step back in surprise.

Beautiful.

Dazzling lights, each one a teardrop in the dark, golden crystals. People, lining the sidewalks, milling about, waiting for the Michelmas procession. The procession was further up, he could vaguely see children, dressed in lacy white, a wreath of candles in their hair. Angels There were people singing songs, some holy, some pagan, all filled with happiness at the coming of Christmas. There were shops, decorated like presents under a tree. Ribbons, red and gold at the shop fronts, Santa Clauses in their red suits standing in front of the stores with a gaggle of children about them. Up above, stars shimmered in the vast night sky, Orion and his star sword ; the seven Pledieas dancing and weaving sky cloth; North Star and Southern Cross guiding weary travellers; Venus, red and ever bright; the Three Bears tumbling forever....all frozen and captured in the endless night.

Lights below and lights above.

Jeremy had set up some sort of tent and was sitting on a cushion, presumably staring at the view. All by his lonesome...and I haven't said thank you yet. Grinning wickedly, he sashayed over, sliding comfortably into Jeremy's warm arms. "Thank you," he breathed into the shell of the other man's ear. Nibbling the lobe, he then travelled down the jawline, kissing his way. Pause. Raphel's lips hovered a milimeter away, staring into those blue, blue eyes. Summer's blue, robin's egg blue, electric blue, sky blue, ultramarine blue, crealuen blue....or just Jeremy blue. Hot, hot breath, shared together. Unable to resist any longer, Jeremy pulled him down, kissing him hungrily. Warm wet mouth, he slid his tongue in, arms tightening their hold. Teasingly, he sucked the bottom of Raphel's lip, before diving into the inviting mouth. Just as suddenly, he stopped.

"You're welcome."

He settled into Jeremy's arms again, warm and in comfort. Contented. The procession was over and the carnival had started. Revelers dressed as clowns, with maniac grins and wild hats. Masks, thrown in for fun. Some wearing ornate Venian masks, complete with diamante and feathers; others just happy with a simple white one. Even funnier, there were those poltically inclined who wore parodies of Bush and Blair. High pitched whistles and the scream of party poopers complete with mini explosions. Confetti, mulitcoloured flew down in bags, like icing on cake. The thump of music and gyrating bodies as they celebrated the festival with catcalls and woots. There were quite a few drunken fights going on too. The night was young and apparently, everyone thought so too.

"Hey, I think the fireworks are starting soon." Jeremy pointed in the direction of the Thames.

"Yeah!" A brilliant blue flower spread across the sky, shards of blue flame sparkled, then vanished. Swallowed by the night.

"Hey Jeremy?" A red cartwheel leapt into black canvas, spinning and twirling into red, orange, yellow and gold.

"Hmnn?" A flock of Roman Candles whizzed past, sending green lights in their wake.

"I love you." A golden crysenthemum bloomed, casting illuminating their faces for an instant.

"I know." Arms held closer, Raphel snuggled for the warmth, waiting for the next explosion.

Shells exploded in a bang! bang! bang! " Battle of the Clouds" Raphel remembered, "I played it in school before." Bang! A shower of crimson rain. Bang! Green birds of paradiase dazzled them. Bang! Hundreds and thousands of violet lightnings danced. "How apporiate, " Jeremy mumured.

"Hey Jeremy?" Concentric circles of pink and violet exploded shrilly in intervals.

"I'm kinda sleepy.....wake me up when we're going back okay?" Green rockets rushed past, sending twirls of sparks, falling gracefully down like willow trees.

"Sure." Jeremy pulled him closer, nestling his head on the chest. He could feel the steady rise and fall of Raphel's breath, tranquailizing to sleep.

I love you.

And settled down to watch the rest of fireworks.

~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey Raphel?" A hand gently touched his shoulder. "Raaaapheeeeel....wake up you sleepyhead."

Jeremy sighed, the carnival was still going on and he wanted to see it. "Raaapheeel....."

Bending down, he gave a small kiss on those familiar lips.

Limp.

"Raphel?"

wake up oh please wake up

Held his hand, feeling desperately.

Limp.

"Raphel?" Desperation.

Eyes closed peacefully still, a smile etched on the face.

"Wake up."

Nothing changed. Nothing moving. Limp

-Revelers whistled and catcalled at each other

-Explosions of brilliant light, fireworks painting the black canvas of the sky

- Jangling of the carnival music //dum de dum dum de dum// filling the air with fanfare

"Raphel?" Tears filling his eyes, denial.

Below, people reveled unknowing in his pain, gyrating to the obnoxiously garish music. Mocking.

Above, the stars shone cold and uncaring into the endless night and white moon. Distant.

Clutching the sleeping body closer, he wept sliently.

I love you.

And no one would ever hear him.

-------------------------------------

A/N: Michealmas is traditionally celebrated ONLY in Scadavanian countries. ^^;;; I just took some author's liberty and transferred it over to the rest of Europe.

Fireworks here used are cherry bombs (illegal in US), Catherine Wheels, Roman Candles, Rockets, Sparklers, Battle in Clouds and Shells. ^-^ I found most of it on google.

Love
tsu

[tsu wrote in blood at 02:56 p.m.]