A few words....
Additional Math is the Root of all Evil
Amen to that.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 06:23 p.m.+
Late Afternoon~
It's late afternoon now, almost 5.20pm. Outside, there's the sound of digging and broken earth, machines with their rat-tat-tattle which annoys me till no end.
I feel surprisingly serene.
Y'know something funny? I actually enjoy going for tuition.
It's a 5 minute walk straight into the heart of Sembawang hills, and the hot sun is at it's zenith, sounds of crickets incessantly chirping. I like it. And for those 3 hours in there (air conditioned comfort), the only problems in the world are those at hand. Equations of chemical formulae, equations of physical quanitities, equations of calculas. Everything starts and ends with a 0.
Sometimes I think haikus are a way of equating the world.
Much like an equation, it is short and usually involves 2 variables. Two distinct images held together by a connecting third line. Simplicity at it's best.
Tap of fingers
Dance lightly across keyboard
Bring inspirations
Plus, it's paradoxical in nature. Keyboard...I am talking of a piano or a computer? Who knows? Just like X=0 or X=1 there are so many different ways of interpreting it.
Blankets of snow
A sprinkle of growing green
Seeds from hand to earth.
It's so strange how haikus seems to carry every semblence and meaning in life in them. From death to life to the joy of eating ice cream XD
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 05:16 p.m.+
dumping
hotaru-no hikari/mado-no yuki
the light of fireflies, snow by the window
11 syablles(ENG): 17 syablles (JAP)
Kyo uses the tanka technique, 5:7:5/7:7
English: 3/5/3 or 5/7/5 or 5/12 or 8/9 or 7/10 Tanka: ku-matagari/freeform.
Wabi/Sabi : usage of light in dark of beauty (?) and poverty(?)
PS to self: ask Mrs Low something about EM Forester.
Don't ryhmne, use rythemic beat. eg. Penta/Hexa/Tetra.
Don't worry too much.
Renga = 1st verse 5/7/5 2nd 7/7 3rd 5/7/5 (link only w/ 2nd)
okay....must remember! Ja!
+tsu waited for you at 12:24 a.m.+
Physical inberiation
Listening to: Radiohead-Karma Police
Okay, requested random coming your way as well as a short entry. Former was Audy's request that I put up one of my school essays. Honestly though......Ah nevermind.
Besides, then I can make improvements.
Let's see, Physics paper today. Wasn't too bad but could have been better if I was more careful. The questions, strangely enough, wasn't very typical of Sc(Physics). The teacher prolly screwed up the paper or something.
Oh, I'm addicted to writing haikus. It's offically my hobby as of moment.
Chemistry paper is on Thursday, and I HAVE to ace it. Have to, have to, have to.
Went home today straight with Auddy, and we just sat and talked at the bus stop for a while. The bus stop is amazingly cool. It's smack right in the middle of the road and bewteen two boundries so there's lots of traffic. Opposite are houses, bungalow types with those English style triangluar roofs. In particular, there's a lovely blue house that reminds me of tea and fine China. Before I even knew it, I was spinning a story about a boy who passed the house everyday on the way home and how he would always notiuce a little girl looking forlornly out of the window.
But that's a tale for another time.
Besides, there's a high chance that I'll never tell. I've never told many in my life, simply because there are too many and some of them are cliched and kid-like. Like the taxi driver in NYC who was actually a djinn from Arabria. Or the tale of the Lucifer and God and how everything is predestined, and everything is a maniuplation of everything.
Anyhow~Here's the essay I wrote. I didn't get very high marks because Mrs Alex said that O levels don't want this kind of writing and I should start writing normally, or at least get in the habit to.
-----------------Random----
I looked out of the window as the skyplane flew over the dazzling city of white. It was shaped like a bird perched to fly, shining against the dark blue of the restless sea, arching and soaring into the brillant blue of the sky. Tall sparkling buildings, rising like shimmering mongilths, covered in panes and panes of glass; reflecting and refracting the light like a dozen glittering mirrors, like clusters of gleaming sequinns sewn on a dress.
This city of white.
Above, you could see people moving. Like ants, they moved montonously across junctions, crossing bridges, suits and suits of white dressed women and white suited men. thump thump You could almost hear the deadened beat of footsteps as these people moved. Mechanically. Mundanely. En masse across this city. A city so blindingly bright, so blindingly beautiful, so incandescent with it's own light. Sublime beauty, a city built to soar in the sky.
Such a city was blind.
Light so bright and radiant it blinded the gentle glow of truth. These white people living in the white city, white apartments and those white white walls....
The white white walls...
Like paper houses, each family just seperated by the merest shred of concrete. Life, death. Everything else in between.
Such was the life in a Neo-City.
A city built on the ruins of another.
Gobal warming came as the doomsayers prophesied. Oceans rose, tidal wave after tidal wave crashing on the shores of New York, Tokyo and Paris. The cities sank, and the goverments perished. The people mourned and cried for the dead, the death of culture, the realization of their own pride. The Greeks had a word for it: hubris.
And thus Neo-Cities were built on the debris of old.
My plane glided smoothly on the runway, I had landed. It was my first time on Neo-New York, also known as City NY78312. This was going to be my last search. If this proved to be futile, I would give up my quest.
My quest had been a long and tedious one. Sources ranging from a man from Arabia to a biker in Switzerland, none had proved useful. Yet this tipoff, dearly paid in gold, seemed worthy to me. Somehow, out of the many useless ones, this had stood out. True, it seemed the most unfeasible, yet something had struck me....perhaps...
I looked at the address scrawled on my hand. Street 407 Davenlane Apartments, 02-03#
My search had began once again.
It was hidden from the main freeways and skyways, and I had to walk. Leaving my Levi-Car at Freeway 404 Exit, I walked down the meandering roads and disused alleys, relics from the 2lst centuary. Broken tungsten lamps wheezed out dying lights and it turned periodically on and off. The alley was mouldy with mildew on the walls, green and glowing faint with prophorescent mutation. Advertisments, torned with faint markings, made of paper. Paper! Who used paper anymore? It looked old, perhaps it was. Yet another relic from the past. Stagnant water puddles, splashing was I stepped determindly past, and drips of an unseen waterpipe.
Then I reached the place. I checked the address. Davenport Apartments
The broken hinge creaked as it was swung.
The walls were peeling, blue paint flaking off in strips. Dust had settled over the receptionist counter, who had problably never been used for the last ten years or so. Quiet. Deserted. Abandoned even. Was he really here?
I strengthened my resolve. I was the knight on the quest, the disciple seeking truth, the philosopher, the scholar, the apostle. My Grail was thankfully a few stories higher.
My boots clunked on the metal stairs.
And I pushed opened the door.
It opened.
My first impression was one of filth. He was a filthy old man, long hair falling over his thin, dirt caked shoulders, covered with lice. His nightshirt was stained and long unwashed. His knees and arms were all dirty, dirty dirty dirty. Dirt caught in the folds of his old face, dirt found in the winkles on his arms,hands and knees. Dirt on his clothes, dirt on his hair.
He was filthy.
I wavered......and yet.
"Excuse me are you God?" I burted out abruptly.
He raised his eyes at me. Beautiful eyes, eyes that seemed so compassionate and fierce at once. Eyes that seemed to take everything around them, sucking you into the vortex of inifinte wisdom and infinite sadness.
"So what if I am?"
Then, he looked away. The flash disappeared.
I watched him for a few more minutes, tottering about the house, dressed in filthy rags. I had nothing to do with him. I left.
I'm on my way home to the next plane, and the robot kindly hands over my ticket. So what? I wondered. It didn't matter anymore. Humanity had taken over the glory of God, humanity in his shining beauty had blinded the truth, had blinded himself yet again. Humanity who plundered the world and its riches, and now he faces the death he created.
"God's in Heaven. All's Right in the world".
And I boarded my plane.
--------------------------------End----
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 09:52 p.m.+
Lacquer :Flowers:
Listening to: Carry on Dancing- Savage Garden.
This song screams TOTCHI X SHINYA YAOI. Bug me hard enough and you just -might- get a PWP.
Righto.
I actually have an original story in wait called "Lacquer". It has a female main character~! Her name, I've decided, Saikusa which is actually the old name of the Lily Festival (Sasayuri Festival). ^__________^ If you haven't figured out yet, the plot is currently set in Japan. That's mainly because I know the history (aka no need more research). It's about women. Lots of them. Saikusa's daugther, Kisuge. Her mother, Hasuo. Notice something?
All are flower names~
Saikusa =Lily, Hasu= Lotus, Kisuge=Day Lily. XD Actually, Kisuge has another way of writing it as Wasurega which means "To forget." Actually I was going to call the daughter Kusami as a joke. (Kusami = Bad smell) XD
I think I spend to much think agonizing over things that only I can understand.
Names are just names right?
But they need to sound right..
I just want to talk about something else besides my exams.
My Math paper was actually okay.
My Literature paper....*cries*
BAKAYAROU TSU!
I left out one essay question.
25 marks down the drain.
Out of 75.
Oh my God the teachers didn't say it explicitly but I know I'm going to die.
I didn't see, I was so frightened during the paper I blanked out. I was just terrified. My hand was trembling and cold and my handwriting was shaky and scribbly. After the paper I was surprised I could still -stand-.
I am so DEAD.
I need this A1.
Damn me to hell.
-------
Teaser: Lacquer
-----------------
Looking for home
Love is an orphan seeking itself.
Waiting for you.
The haiku burns in my hand, a burning like mecury. Hot and cool, branding with soul searing cold. A breeze ruffles my hair, I sit mutely, staring at the prose. Beautiful. Meaningless words from a meaningless person.
My brush dips twice. Swift strokes of black ink on white paper. Tainting it.
I sit here waiting
Spring breeze wafts scents of willow
Yet winter endures
My springtime dreams are over, autumn has settled in me. Pausing, I watch the breeze dance lithely over the blooming sakura, scattering snowy pink petals like joyful rain, the sound of water singing over stone as the koi swims lazily in a cool green pool, this peace does not soothe me.
My words haunt me too much.
"Mama! Mama!" A splash of puddles, clatter of wooden slippers as my daugther flies into my welcoming arms.
I breath in her baby-child scent. She smells of youth and dreams and wildflowers in fields. My daugther.
"Kisuge-chan," I gently reprimanded her, "You shouldn't run around grandmother's home."
"Really, Saikusa. It's not you've never done it yourself."
I have always been a gentle woman, not prone to anger. I restrained my mouth. She was my mother after all.
"Yes mother." I turned away from her, and focused on Kisuge instead. "You should go and change now. Your clothes are all stained with grass and mud." I poked her at the belly, she giggled in delight. "Go." I gave her one last hug and a push, and she scampered off to change.
Now what mother?
I faced her squarely, that was the only way I could face her. Hasuo Matsu, who married the Kaeda and became Hasuo Kaeda. Beautiful. She was as graceful as her name, beautiful like a lotus with a calm, indomitable manner that hid a formidable will. Matsu, pine. Strength. Hidden behind the soft gentleness of Kaeda and the beauty of a water lotus.
But I had seen her anger before.
Implacatable was this woman. Yet she was my mother. Was I anything like her? We are both poets, haiku writers. My celebrated mother who produced an equally celebratable offspring. My daugther will now be celebrated.
The weight of neoptism hangs on her shoulders.
I wait patiently for her to speak.
Her temper is particulary volatile towards family.
"You should not have come." She does not look at me, instead, she stares intently at the koi.
"Why not, mother?" It sounded artifically cheerful even to me.
"Don't be a fool." Her words show none of her contempt. "You always ran away from everything."
"Isn't that you, mother?" I watch in satisfaction as she sits, tight-lipped with anger, mute. She knows I know and she will not fight. Not over this.
She leaves.
A sense of bittersweet victory rushes into my blood. Gazing far away, I watch the petals fall again. Pale pink.
When I learned the lies
The falling pink flowers of spring
Tastes bittersweet now
---------------End Teaser----
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 09:01 p.m.+
A Digression
Actually, I'm supposed to be doing Math right now. But I digress.
Listening to: Savage Garden - carry on dancing.
Just for the pure joy of loafing around, I decided to search for random jrock fanfiction and hang round the internet for some new tips or what nots.
And I'm horrified.
Look here kids, I like yaoi and I write quite alot of it. Remember folks, IT'S NOT REAL. Don't try and convince me that oh! Offstage Toshiya is either a)a marginally surviving wimpy whore who screws his bandmates and gets into everyone's pants b)a vicious bitch who backstabs everyone only to die in a random manner. This is INSANE!
Let's use our brains for a second. PLEASE.
So okay, Toshiya is a ambigious person due to his amazingly bouncy personality. So he has more energy and is unduly perky during interviews. So what? Does that make him a pre-destined whore so UKE that even I have to spit blood at? So okay, let's take Shinya. Sure he's quiet and doesn't speak unless spoken, sure he's fairly serious. But can you really convince anyone that he HATES Die and wants to kill/get into his pants at the same time? Can you really say that he's really really in love with Die and cannot express his emotions that's why he kills himself?
What scares me is that a GENERATION of people grow up believing THIS RUBBISH.
I mean, c'mon, I like Kaoru x Toshiya as much as any other fangirl but GET REAL. For research purposes I read every darn interview and translation I could get my hands on and NOTHING, read: NOTHING validates such a statement. I don't care if you declare that "Kaoru-chan and Toshiya-Kun 4EVA" hangs in little pink bubbles or not because nothing, NOTHING validates that.
Get real, you deluded people.
This isn't some sort of game you play over people's lives. What you're doing is literally using people. You, are dehumanizing the very idols you adore for the simple reason that you have no fufilment in life and zero social life. Don't deny it you sexually repressed 10 year old gaping infront of the computer screen.
What you're doing is playing God.
Draw the bloody damn line.
Look, it's okay to pretend for a while, it's okay to write bad fanfiction (re:YuffieBunny), it's okay only IF! IF! YOU DO NOT CROSS THE LINE. *points* Do you get it? Unless you give me a GOOD SOLID REASON, not something that comes with "Shinya and Die are meant to be together! Soulmates!" I will kill you.
These are real people you're talking about. As in flesh and blood like you and me. THINK you airheaded bimbos.
Another interesting fixture in your deluded minds is your nicknames. Do you really want me to report what I saw at mIRC? Nicks that ran into: TotchiLoveGal, Kaoru no Miko, Shinchan...et cetrea. FOR GOD'S SAKE PEOPLE!!! It seems that the more deluded you are, the higher chances that you're some Miko, Koi, Koibito or Hime.
Even now, I still feel guilty after writing Dir en Grey fanfiction. It's just the feeling that it's NOT RIGHT to slur other people's names. Read the interviews for heaven's sake. Do you see anything that vaguely resembles a relationship? Watch their concerts. How many times does Kaoru actually hump Toshiya a la GacktJoB style?
It's called FANSERVICE people.
So please get it into your tiny ninny witted brains that Taking Fanfiction Literally is Bad. There's a GOOD REASON why it's called -FAN- FICTION.
So please. Stay realistic. Don't make it into some Die raping Shinya story (wtf?), Kaoru abusing Toshiya (wtf??), Kyo weeping and wailing for the fact that Die! won't return his luurrrvvve...*rolls eyes*. Don't write rubbish. Don't post rubbish. RESPECT. Treat them with the highest regard ever because they're HUMAN.
Now f^ck off and good riddance.
love
*very pissed* tsu
+tsu waited for you at 02:14 a.m.+
Happy Days :D
Listening to:Stephan Lynch - If I were Gay
Today was a really happy day. As in happy happy :D
Went for Literature class in the morning and it was really good. For the first time in this past year, I actually like and sympathize with the characters. That's a sign of a really good teacher. Last year was terrible cos the teacher mucked up my view of the book, and I totally hated writing for it. Now that I like it, I might actually do a good job of it. The digressions were also so fun~! Mrs Alex is a really great teacher ^_________^ I'm happy to be taught by her.
Not to mention she specially chose our class to teach.
Decided to hitchike instead of taking a bus. The air was so adventurous today~ I simply had to go wandering about. Was actually planning to go Kinokuniya and sit and read there for the next few hours or so. In the end I hitched a ride from Audrey and somehow or other, I ended with her family in Chinatown (wha?).
Yes, I pinched myself -TWICE-
But I was still in Chinatown.
Her parents are pretty cool and really nice~ I felt really bad for not paying for lunch >.< Anyhow, ended up wandering about. Her brother is pretty cute, lol and I'm not being pervy. He's got a great sense of humour~ Okay, they're great people~
They dropped me off (amazing!) and I went home and showered and then changed for mass. *sighs* Slept through most of it and sneezed and sneezed and SNEEZED! The air-conditioner was so cold...
I've got Math homework to do now~ Ja~
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 08:25 p.m.+
Wonderwall
Listening to: Oasis - Wonderwall.
I HAVE TO RANT. Have to. Have to. Have to!
Has anyone heard this song yet? Ahhhh!!! It's THE PERFECT TOTCHI X SHINYA SONG!!!!! Ahhhh!!!! But I'm only supposed to write original fiction!!! But this song is perfect perfect perfect! It's the PERFECT Toshiya x Shinya song! I mean, listen to it! Read the lyrics! *dies in joy* Ultimate perfect excellant magnificient splenderfluous song! Due to it's ultimate fantastic-ness, I must write it.
AHHHH!! Break promise!
History paper was crap. I question-spotted (bad) and I just guessed the whole essay part~ Finished soem Math papers ate a disgusting combination of cheese, egg, rice and all that makes you want to fart and run. Okay, who cares about my day? FIC! FIC! FIC!
*pulls out pen*
Bring it on!
-------------Random: Wonderwall---------
Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realised what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now
I can't remember when it started. Can you? Small things. Small world. A touch. A smile. A kiss. Perhaps it wasn't anything like that, just insignificance. Insignificance that grew to something greater. You like that don't you Shinya? Subtleness. So inconspicious that sometimes even the fans forget you.
And yet.
Backbeat the word is on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now
I think it started when the first time I met you, the first time you handed me your hastily scribbled address. It wasn't anything like love or any of those over romanticised shojo manga. It was plain and simple attraction. Chemistry, if you prefer. Thrown with a little lust. You were different and still are. Shy and insistent, quiet yet assertive, the paradoxical nature of your cross-dressing. I suppose if we were out together, it would be gay men looking like a bunch of lesbians. You would like that thought, wouldn't you?
And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
But I don't know how
I remember our first time together. You weren't some shy fumbly trying to be innocent virgin. In fact, I clearly remember you not blushing. Messily screwing at the back of the changing room, then messily screwing on my bed with Kyo sleeping next door. Finally somehow or other, we were officially together and messily screwing on your bed with Miyu barking at the door.
Life is interesting isn't it?
Sometimes I think if not for Dir en Grey, we would have never met. Passing on the street, brushing on the train, nothing, nothing. Never meeting.
So different we are.
Because maybe....
Days before you came, I usually spent my life like anyone under forty. Drinking, driving, partying, doing everything and anything and if it killed me off, what did it matter? Life was short, I was young, life was wonderful.
Till you came.
You're gonna be the one who saves me...
And I changed.
And after all..
Now I spend my mornings waking up beside you, the sunlight streaming through open windows. Not some nameless stranger with alcholol breath sprawled on the bed, both of us trying to remember a name, remember a place. Not some hangover filled morning with an aching head, crawling to a nearby sink to vomit.
I hear you breathe, I see your rare smiles, and somehow...That's all I need.
You're my wonderwall.
A key turns the lock. "Tadima." You walk over and hug me effusively.
"You're home." I breathe your scent, a sweet spicy mix that I can never tire of.
"Of course I am. Are you alright? A penny for your thoughts." You smile, and pull my willing self next to you.
Ah Shinya, bless your observation skills. There are many things that I would give you for free without your precious penny but some things are best left as thoughts.
"Nothing much."
"Really?" You ask, but do not pry. "Nevermind, aren't you going out soon? It's Saturday."
Said maybe
I smile. Your tact and concern amazes me. How could I ever deserve you? Your simple silences, quietly supporting me every step of the way. Every tear I cry, your arms wrap aorund me, holding me. Every smile I give, you give hundered fold.
What would I do if I were to lose you?
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
"I was waiting for you."
You hug me tightly in return, then a familar pressure on the lips. Sweet, slow and sensual. We break apart, but your arms never leave my waist.
You're my wonderwall.
"I love you too."
--------------------------End--------
*gags* Have you died to sugar yet? LOL. Toshiya x Shinya~ XD XD
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 09:26 p.m.+
I Mug therefore I Pass
Listening to: My brother playing GGX on Xbox.
Mug:(American slang)[1]To acquire information quickly; eg.cram
I hate Social Studies.
Yet it is a complusory examination.
So I mugged.
I took out both the bloody textbooks yesterday night and started cramming. And I was doing it the night before the exam itself! neat huh? No, actually, it's really stupid cos afterwards you feel sick and Oh So Annoyed. Social Studies, by the way, isn't like some Sociology exam or anything, it's actually just Goverment Propaganda (courtesy of PAP) on which they force you to memorize statistics like the Growth of Singapore's Ecomony in the 1970s and how the SUPEREMELY FANTASTIC GOVERMENT BEAT ALL ODDS AND BECAME INDEPENDANT!!! *drumroll* All hail PAP!
Not to mention there are zillions of reasons why the Goverment is Good because we aren't a Welfare State so we don't need to pay High Taxes and because our Birthrate is Falling we Must Have More Sex and also that our GDP has increased by 4% because the Goverment Treats Us So Well. We also have Good Healthcare and Education because it teaches us Why Singapore is So Good.
ARRRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Pages and pages and pages of this. It's like the stupid $#^! Singapore Tourism Board multipied by a million with slogans like Uniquely Singapore. What UTTER RUBBISH! *flings textbook into the dustbin*
The exam today wasn't really too bad. In the end, the essay question I did relied solely on outside knowledge of ASEAN, so it didn't matter too much. The part2 was pure BS which sucked but was alright.
The second paper started at 11 so we (Audy and I) headed downstairs to cram for Sc(Phy/Chem) MCQ. It was actually a pretty easy paper but it was tricky cos the instructions weren't clear.
Eh, tomorrow's one is History.
*resignedly pulls out textbook*
Cramming here we come! *flip open textbook*
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 02:31 p.m.+
M=W (?)
If it's actually possible, I'm unhappy.
And there's nothing no one can do about it.
Because it's ME. It's my fault. I mean, I'm not so egoistical that I can't recognize I'm at fault.
It's not Auddy's fault; it's mine.
Because the nicer she is to me, the worse I feel.
Sometimes I actually wish that she wasn't such a good friend and that I didn't like her so much.
Then I at least I have something to pick on.
But I don't. She's a great friend, she's funny as hell and smart too.
Now do you understand?
Well, actually, you problably don't.
Now Mr Salieri, do you understand?
Mozart and all his creations, we all have to bite dust and swallow and crawl on our bellies because yes, it IS our fault. We can justify our petty emotions with a simple twist of Art and Logic, but yet...yet....is the death worth it?
Et tu, tsu? Et tu, Salieri?
It's not our fault that we're not the children of heaven and we should stop beating ourselves over it. Come what may, come what may, I will never do what you did.
Et tu Salieri? But not tsu.
I won't give in to you, Salieri. You saddest of all artists, my friend and my foe. I won't give in.
I'm tired.
Goodbye Mozart. Goodbye Salieri. Your story is over and mine is just starting, and I plan to make my different.
For the sake of Auddy because she doesn't deserve it.
For the sake of me.
----
School was school, Lit and English was particulary fun today. Literature was the dastardly stupid tale of Beatrice, Eddie and Catherine from View from the Bridge wheras English was the wonderful philosophical Machine Stops and Destructors. They have to be my absolute, absolute favourite stories. Odour of Chrysanthemums bores me. DH Lawerance in general bores me. I just don't like Paul Morely or Elizabeth Bates or Lady Chatterly. Give me Fedrick Brosner any day.
Then it rained~ ^______________^
I like rain.
'Kay, I'm tired and I need to write notes cos my exam is tomorrow.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 03:08 p.m.+
Nyaollo
Listening to: Karma Police-Radiohead, Stephan Lynch - If I were Gay
Ha! Finally! A non-DeG and English song~ It feels good to listen to something else~
Not to mention the irony of the title XD
Woke up sleepy cos there was a symphony of snores yesterday night, and between bouts of thwacking my sister and mother and shushing them up I fell into an uneasy sleep. Not really sleep, semi-sleep-wake. >.< Tried to concentrate in class and pay attention, I lasted until the end of Lit and fell asleep during English~ Nevermind, I think Mrs Alex enjoyed the peace.
After that I went for tuition and lunch >_________< I made the most horrible mistake ever! I read Tuesday instead of Friday and I came at the wrong day! And it's really far too~ I had to travel from Yio Chu Kang to home and it's roughly 45 mins of bus journey. Yuck.
Stupidity.
Went home, read and slept then studied Social Studies, managed to finish reading the entire thing within 2 hours ^^ Yay~ That's my idea of studying.
I have half a mind to upload Stephan Lynch's If I were Gay MP3. You guys want it?
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 10:25 p.m.+
VULGAR!
This is so frikkin hilarious! Emu shiteru dasho! *falls over laughing*
+tsu waited for you at 10:02 p.m.+
Life Outside
Alex has just reminded me I have a life outside Dir en Grey....Yare yare....*sighs* I should actually GET TO WORK ON ORIGINAL STORIES!!! *kick kick kick* Too much Dir en Grey has corroded my writing skills into mindless junk.
Instead of developing original characters I just rip them off pre-established sterotypes formed by various fangirls. Also known as Cold Shinya, Slutty Toshiya, Matchmaker Kyo, Responsible Kaoru and Joker Die.
AAGHHHHH!!!! I NEED TO WRITE MORE ORIGINAL STORIES!
So, after I finish Place of Your Own, I'm going for English classes and try to remember a time when I wrote original stories.
Try to remember a time when I had created an original character.
Try to remember a time where my characters tried to develop themselves.
Main Point: I NEED TO STOP WRITING DIR EN GREY.
Like, where's MY life? Why do I have to infringe on others'?
Everyone yell together: TSU MUST WRITE ORIGINALLY!
With Dir en Grey about, I will never get round my inherent laziness to do much besides improve on the already established sterotypes. Okay. After exams I will get round writing a multi-part Original story with a girl in it! Yea! Girls exist!
Oh God I hate myself.
Right! Work on the attitude! Step one: Stop reading Dir en Grey! Step Two : Stop writing Dir en Grey!! Ahhh! I'm so loser.
Yay Alex, I'm finally back to my senses~!
Structure! Sentance variety! Syntax! English names! Random bits of pretty but useless poetry!
okay, I have a resolution to follow.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 09:28 p.m.+
Dialogue
Listening to: Dragon Ash - Cowboy F*ck
For reasons unexplainable, the Japanese have an obession with the word "Fu*k" and this song is one of them. There's absolutely NO fwords or anything obscene in this song. Yet, it's called Cowboy F*ck.
In fact, I think it's something about running in the wind to chase your dream (?)
I'm beginning to think that the most oft used phrase here is "I don't know."
Cos I really don't know.
I mean, should I be happy because I (supposedly) have everything?
It's all so questionably grey.
I know I make a terrible student, because I have zero concentration and I lose focus easily. Teaching me is much like teaching a restless 5 year old geometry.
If I'm supposedly better off so self-aware, why is it that I don't know?
It's like strings holding fragments of me together, it's not like I'm not aware of how emotionally/mentally fragile I am, it's just that the knowledge doesn't seem to help. I still get very good highs and very low lows. I suppose it's like supposed to make you control it, but you CAN'T control it. Can you control the fact that you're left handed or right handed? Can you control your genetics?
I wonder sometimes if people know what their asking for.
School was fine, I was so tired though. I stayed up the whole night watching Nancy Drew mysteries on Disney because I couldn't sleep. By 1.30 am I finally felt zoned enough to try sleeping but not before, having a bout of waking nightmares. Arragh. Stupid scary eyes. >.< Broke into cold sweat and hid under a multitude of blankets. Woke up sticky and tired and hot but thankfully no long nightmares.
I hate sleeping.
Anyhow, finished Intergration and I finally! finally! solved a trigo equation. Ha! See if you can do it!
Prove tan(power4)A= tan(square)sec(square)A - sec(square)A+1
hence or otherwise, intergrate tan(power4).
^______________________^
Went to HMV with Auddy cos she was going to buy Macabre. But they didn't have any on stock so she's ordering Kisou and I'm ordering Macabre. Some VERY RICH person bought Kai:Remix, Vulgar, Macabre and the Final single all with a day! *seethes with jealously* Wai! So much money~ $_$
Went home and slept like a log...Need to make up sleep..ZzzzZ.
My mom is coming home tonight.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 08:41 p.m.+
Chapter Seven + Shinya Interlude
Listening to: Taiyou no Ao and Yurameki - Dir en Grey
Chapter 7
Interlude: Shinya (NC-17!!! All warnings apply)
Just in case you forget the rest of the story Chapter 6
Gomenasai for the long delay....First it was writer's block then my brother's friends >.< So as a treat there's an interlude. It's not complusory to read it, if you read it you just get a better idea of how Shinya works but that's it (besides sex of course). Anyhow, enjoy!
Okay I really need to go for tuition now. (Itai!)
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 01:27 p.m.+
Squidgeee
Listening to: Filth, DFF and such.
Oooohhh boy. Just when I want to write chapter 7 (and finally complete it damnit!) my brother's friends come over.
Tough luck I guess.
Anyhow, today was a lazy day (or as lazy as a day can get). It was a listless sort of day, went for tuition and such. Nothing special except for the fact that my mind was filthier than a longkang (drain). Why? Too much Kyo x Shinya. And an overactive imagination and repressed hormones at that.
Anyhow, it seems like my social life has sunk into sub-zero level and I'm BORED. As in super-listless, thrown rug "uhhhh" sort of boredom. It's like an inertia that keeps me from feeling motivated and all. I'm just sailing across and the only thing I'm looking forward to is for the exams to END. Then I can get on with my fanfics and finish a bulkload of sketches (currently collecting dust in the closet). It's really not good ne~ very unmotivated for exams.
Personally I wish I could just run off.
My fight or flight instincts are coming to play.
Re-read all my past enteries aka the Random Ones and I realized that out of all that crap, I only like 2! lines. Isn't that so crazy? I write so much and in the end, I only like a few lines, barely even a handful.
feelings seem to drift
in and out of this sepia toned nostalgia
warmed by the thoughts of you and I
walking through the blue of the jaded sun
I don't know. These lines seem particulary applicable now. Mindlessness. It's hard to type when Kyo seems intent on distracting you with lines of "FUCKAR!" It's so strange y'know...
These feelings of mine.
It feels like soft blue and dark purple and cloudy haze with sprinkles of sandpaper and sparkles. Sort of bittersweet and floaty.
I sometimes I wish that I had more backbone.
I kinda wish that I was more ambitious.
Sometimes I even wish I was different from what I am.
Y'know...to be the simple sort of un-visual kei-ed person.
Then again, I wouldn't have many of my current friends.
And yet.
[Edit]
Kyo I soooo understand what you mean by mothers. I'm beginning to think that I actually think like you. *pokes self* Do I think like Kyo?
My mother doesn't want to talk to me cos she's having too much fun. Sometimes I think I'm the one who mopes too much. I'm not really angsty I'm just sulky whiny and bratty cos my MOTHER doesn't want to talk to me!! And it's not like she's around everyday. It's just like I think she doesn't really take care of me much y'know...
It almost feels like I'm taking care of me.
She just makes herself feel good by thinking that only she can stop my dreaming. What she DOESN'T know is that as long as there's a warm body (anyone really) I'll stop dreaming.
Maybe I should really consider prosituation as an occuipation. LOL.
I tested it yesterday with my sis. Made her sleep with me and BAM! no dreams. Then in the morning she went back to her own bed and I started dreaming again (some funky one that made me into a hitchiker and then I danced with Judith, LOL!)
So actually, I don't really need her.
I don't know. What do you say when you feel rejected by your own mother?
BAH.
[/Edit]
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 09:21 p.m.+
Even more.....
Listening to: whatever I feel like kicking into.
Side note: I think if there was a competition for sarcasm of pop culture it would be Kyo 1 Tsu 0. If it was a competition for nostagia though it would be Kyo 0 Tsu 1. Sometimes he's so obscure even I have to think, and cross refer mentally. (hardly ever do that)
----------Mask---
In mannequin like face
you scream of love peace and beauty
bohemian wannabe
don't wanna admit your double face to open eyes
diabolic saint with sweet mouth and tongue
scream LOVE scream HATE scream PEACE scream PAIN
i know your lies you filthy hitler
machivellian peace
your lips blow round POWER
hands grasping for more and more
you dirty hungry whore
more and more you scream and shout
imbecile who leads all people to death
with that glorious smile on your face
------------KR Cube (vomit mix)----
the room waits quietly
anticipation waiting in the hair
blue shadows violet lights
no one must see our secret act
violence want violent wants
sink into combimed pleasure
as the pain shoots into your arm
Pink Killer scares me. So does Hotarubi. I'll do then when I'm less scared. Cos they really do scare me. I've never read the translations but they scare me shitless. I don't know why. Especially Pink Killer. Five seconds of it and I want to wash my hands off it like I've just touched a filthy substance...It's an evil song ne..Very evil...It's sadistic and I don't like it.
That's it. I'm switching to Gackt.
Tsu guts against Kyo : 0 - 1000
Okay I'm chicken.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 09:18 p.m.+
Erghhh...sleep ZZzzz + Random randoms
Listening to: DFF and Zakuro
Uhhh....*moans* Zakuro makes my head spin, in a very bad way. I swear if I wanted to stone, this is the song I'll choose. It sends your mind into a dull foggy stupor, almost like valium and clouds.
Uhh...Vertigo inducing songs.
Makes you wonder why I listen to it in the first place. *switches back to Taiyou no Ao* Honestly I played the worst tracklist today, and it just amplified by listlessness. DFF, Zakuro, Sajou no Uta, Hakushi no Sakura then finally Audrey. Problem was Zakuro and Sajou share very similar patterns and it makes me merge all the songs into a woozy mess. Stupid tsu should've arranged the songs better.
I have no mood to write anything except poetry right now.
Methinks it's exam stress.
The English Paper One (composition) was really horrible...I chose a chicken-ass topic because all the choices were all so screwdified and annoying. In fact, I'm pretty ashamed for handing in such shoddy work. It really is shoddy. It's like some salad, this tossed in, that sprinkled on and the only saving grace of this essay was the vocabulary. The plot (was there one in the first place?) Sucked. Big time. Paper Two wasn't too bad, but the summary gave me hell. *sighs* God awful...I didn't read the question right.
Went out with Audy today to Orchard and walked all the way back and forth Orchard just to send stuff to Mr Go. Went to Kino, had fun and made lots of stupid jokes. Lots. Anyhow was really fun and I bought onigiri and Audy taught me how to open it. YAY! I can do it on my own now! Bought Japanese wagashi, which is a kind of dessert. It's very pretty and tastes really good too. Anyhow, too tired to eleborate much.
Since I'm feeling poetic....Not to mention I have to sort through 48 Dir en Grey songs...
What else? Randomness!
WARNING: High amounts of insanity caused by too much sugar and pressure. Proceed at your own risk.
-------S (tweaker mix)------
by the beat of your body
by the rythemn of your mind
i can feel it pressing against me
this intensity and heat of touch
driving it deeper into the movements of night
----------- Hydra------
scream to feel the blood being poured out
cups of humans falling into the spell of violence
the scuttle of ash grey rebels like plague insects
killing and dissecting every moral on the street
----------Obscure----
pound of threats on my door
i sit on the chair of my mind afraid to open
this paranoia, this echo, this xenphobia
that eats my mind with pounding bitterness
i hear the diabolic call of phobia
sucummbing into the darkness
screaming emptily for no one else to hear
all in my head
all in my mind<
SCREAM
------------Zakuro----
in the slience of my room
i can only see the emptiness of my life
devoid of anything, meaningless munadity
day after day year after year second after second
the streets are no different
monotone people in monochrome clothes
how can I feel the aliveness of touch?
a wail pierces the air
i want to feel to try to feel
to break free of my emotional prison
knives
casually sliding over cold skin
with shaking hands i see the warmth of blood
wet warm blood, redder than fire, fire of my life
dripping across skin in trails of red tears
the taste of life through taste of death
----------Audrey--
Looking through the photographs of time
Bright and jovial were we
carefree and happy, singing to dreams and fairylands
swinging round hand in hand
twirling incessantly in time
yet we could not have known
how it would part us, how it would hurt us
the death of innocene in experience
no words left to say between us
our youth was gone left with the yellow bitterness of old
when we pass your snide remarks and my malicious tongue
sparing a glance for no one but dying alone inside in sorrow
wishing back for the sunny days of childhood
---------Umbrella---
deep and dark this pagan spiral
the primal beat of this act
pounding on, higher and higher
come on let's fuck
the relentless pacing of aha-ha-ha and moans
ah-ha-ha you come again, dirty euphoria in my arms
sweat trickles down my heated back
beast of pleasure, depraved pleasure
ah-ha-ha you want more, i want more
come on let's fuck
final thrust
reaching out for filthy heavens
---------Child Prey---
you run you small child
can you not understand?
running does not help
we'll find you
we'll beat you
senseless retarded spastic child
worth only to lick the edges of my boots
i'm the boss of the playground
i'm the boss of the playground
we're find you hiding
and bring you out to sunshine
humilate you, dirty you
mommy's boy with cyrbaby tears
kicking and kicking
til you can never stop crying
-----end----
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 07:39 p.m.+
Misguided attempts
Listening to: Kasumi-Dir en Grey. (Note: Not really sure)
There are times I wish I had a tracklist everywhere I went. This is one of them.
Anyhow, I tried studying English today but reading through 1 vocabulary dictionary, 1 Literature textbook and stacks and stacks of notes. I'm pretty sure nothing got stuck in my head and I feel absolutely plotless.
Can you imagine? Tsu not having a plot in her head?
I think I'm just nervous.
However, I do have reams and reams of poetic sounding lines in my head. And music too. Most of class-time was spent composing new drum beats. Dum-de-dum (3 pong beat), dum de dumdudumdudum dum (8 beat). Apparently I first compose drums then guitars then bass. And I suck at bass too.
*tsu = loserified*
Anyhow, here's a list of random thoughts. Or at least how my thinking works. (Kreist, I'm pretty sure I'm the only person in this fuchaing world that thinks in poetry)
---random prosery inspired by Taiyou no Ao--
feelings seem to drift
in and out of this sepia toned nostalgia
warmed by the thoughts of you and I
as I walk through the blue of the jaded sun
------random: Jingle Bell Kari--
Destruction, crisis
this is the disillusionment of the youth
New Age killers, break all bounds and furniture
Laugh and walk to our doom
OH YEAH.
---------random:Shidemo no Boogie Woogie--
Hey you all hedonistic people
Can you feel the lure of lewd lust in your blood?
joining in the party of S&M; ask for more, yearn for more
this is a world for your depravity and death
Boogieing to the night of suicide death
Make your pain a middle name
cult of new age love and woogie-sex
---------random: Penicillin - Tomorrow (?)---
Calling you goodbye, my heart bleeds for you
Never being able to forget the yesterdays
staying like a perfect dream in a perfect memorary
I wish for our tomorrow
but it's time for goodbye, the last au revoir
watching you lift your wings to the sunset
-----------random: some Gackt song---
hearing the strings of a battered violin
a shaft of sunlight falls on the floor
in the bright light of the afternoon
I feel the loneliness, in this distant country
the dreams of foreign lands weigh nothing against the pull of home
this solitary life, lost in translation
how I dream of you and home...
-------Random: Seki-Ray (?)---
depth of crimson emotions
yet you feel nothing in your icy heart
what can I do to prove to you? this test of true devotion
just let me in
into the chance of love
-----random: YOKAN (?!)---
this cheery song
a springlike tune
betrays nothing of it's deceptiveness
like the beautiful smile you wear
you flatterer and sweet tongued one
yet when the mask slips away
your true colours show; purely like light
light of a frozen smile
light of a frozen heart
light of your frozen eyes
light of death from dark light
in a second it falls into place,
and I wonder if I saw false, did I dream the cold light?
The cold light of a frozen heart
---random:Drain Away neo trans---
slient hum of springwind
I sit at the parkbench waiting for you
night of all nights, this loneliness
not a single person awake
in this dream night not upon waking
I see the dream-face of you
breathing in and exhaling out
this dream of you disappears
misted in the movements of night-dream
smoking softly features in twilight
gone
leaving empty ashes and falling leaves
only to realize the end of dream
disillusionment
facing up to the broken reality of your death
never to come back
------END ALL-----
Whee! Now you know how I think-like XD I hope it provides insight.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 11:17 p.m.+
Things to be annoyed at.....
Listening to: DFF - DeG
I'm going to have a filthy mouth soon if I keep on listening to this. DFF is short for Domestic Fu*ker Family. Kyo by the way, being Kyo, pronounces it as FUCHA. lol.
Mr Go does not accept bank drafts or money orders. He only accepts Paypal or registered mail.
Everyone: FUCHAR! FUCHAR! JAPANESE FUCHAR!
Watched Blitz Day One with much amusement. Filth never fails to make me happy. Dunno why...Maybe cos there's so much fun in it? I like song no.2,4 and 5 the most but I dunno what songs are they. My bet is that 2 is DFF, 4 is Karasu and 5 is Kasumi. I could be wrong.
So therefore, what I really want is Day 2 then I can *at least* recognize 3/4 of the songs.
Studied Intergration which is basically doing stuff backwards. Honestly though, I don't see the point of it. They say that Math teaches you how to think, but Literature, History and Physics also teach you how to think. Next question being why do we have to learn Math that is SO HARD that it's equavilant of university syabllus? It's just plain stupid. And plain torture too.
I don't like it, nor do I understand it but it seems like I have to do it.
Anyways, tomorrow is my English paper. Somehow or other, I've managed to convince myself that the easiest way to learn English is to read fanfiction. Notably fanfiction of good *taste* (that super funky YuffieBunny story does NOT count)
I'm hoping/praying for an good descriptive that allows room to play with. Situationally speaking, I suck at writing compositions because a)idea is too fantastic b)it doesn't work on 3 foolscape papers c)my handwriting sucks. I can only expand the plot if the topic they give me is expandable. Bad news is that it's usually UN-expandable.
Not looking forward to it.
I'm looking for Yoshitaka Amano's new book. BAH. I can't find it, not even on his webpage. FUCHAR.
Random moment : *ohmygodtheyuploadednewchaptersinForsaken!!!!!*
*turns fangirl* GUNDAM!
Okay, enough is enough. I don't know....truthfully I think that fic-reading that improved my English more than any book because I can read over 50 types of stories a day instead of spending money on a single book.
Either that or I'm just justifying a rather useless hobby.
PS. My mom is in Shanghai right now.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 04:50 p.m.+
Piu piu piu? Fil? Fil? Fil?
Listening to: Filth LIVE and Domestic Fuxxer Family- Dir en Grey
Hmnnn...funky day. Went to the DeG offical site and BBS only to giggle at the the fact that the *English* BBS is in *Japanese*. Irony never fails to amuse me.
Most importantly: SAKU SAKU SAKU!!!
It's their new single which looks quite interesting ^^ In particular "Saku" sounds like a ballad but I could be wrong. G.D.S sounds like Kaoru's work and I'm getting a big feeling it's gonna be something like Keloid Milk without the creepiness. Maybe it's kinda KR Cube-y too.
So in general, tracklist for Saku:
Machiavellism
-saku-
G.D.S.
On the word "Machiavellism" it's a real word, not really in the strictest sense, but used interchangably with "Machiavellianism". Defined by the dictionary as "1.society operating not on the notions of good and evil but instead focussing on personal interest through development of inner and outer states. 2. Doing evil for the sake of society" It's actually named after Prince Machiavelli. It's quite interesting, because he's a politican as well as a philosopher. For all you American History students, it's interesting to note that Abraham Lincoln is considered a Machiavellian.
Okay, enough history.
Now that you know what it means, do you have a good idea on what the song is about? XD I do.
Infact, I have my own predictions on what Saku is too. As Auddy pointed out aptly, -saku- is the word for "innocene". Of course, Kyo being Kyo, I'm willing to bet a million bucks that it won't be a happy song and there's gonna be a girl in it. Predictable eh?
School was a daze, personally it didn't make an impact. Today at least. Friday is my English paper. How disgusting but never you mind.
I'm holding off writing for the moment because my exams are coming up. Please understand. I'll complete it and start the other "diffidere" as well as "Games You Play" once the exams are over.
love
tsu
PS. BLITZ IS COMING!!! *drumroll*
+tsu waited for you at 08:59 p.m.+
Yea yea yea yea!!!!
Listening to: Domestic Fuxxer Family - Dir en Grey
I'm very pissed at my brother for reading my blog. And I will never respect anyone who violates privacy. I don't check his mail, so why should he have the privilege to check mine? He doesn't know me well anyhow. My sis knows me better.
Domestic Fuxxer Family is a damn funny song. It's sorta campy-cheerfulness about it that's just damn funny. It's like those "ooooo yea! C'mon" sort of song. Quite like Child Prey~
School r0x0rs. Judith wasn't here today so I immigrated to her place and spent the latter half of the day hanging round Auddy, Elsa and Joyce. Hell funny~ We were trading really tastless jokes (read: terrible) and laughing over everything ranging from longkangs (drainage systems) to gossiping about our teachers' bra size. LOL. Mr Armstrong, our Moral Ed teacher (kreist, only SG will have this kind of classes.) He looks like a leprechun and he had red hair and green shirts and looks -round-. In a good way.
Lit was quite alright, except that I don't think I'll have an essay tomorrow. I detest writing about View From the Bridge...Yuck. There's a test on Odour of Chrsynthemums tomorrow too. Yuckity yuck. Most interesting thing class was English, which is not really a class but a full blown gossip session. Nyah nyah~ Mrs Alex gossips too!
Went for singing practice which really sucked so I amused myself by butchering the songs. Butchering as in adding vomit sounds, rearranging the tune and screwing up the emphasis. The lyrics were like "OOOOOOhhhhhh...Heaven is in my heart" which sounds SO MUCH like Child Prey I couldn't help laughing at it. So I butchered it. XD Like doing a KR Cube on "Table of Plenty." LOL Too fun~ But Auddy got freaked out of all the funny noises.
Another thing: Harmonizing makes people sound like chickens about to die.
Cos they sung it SO bloody high, I was surprise the glass haven't cracked. They sounded like sreechy hyenas or bloody crap. Take your pick. Went to Orchard with Auddy and ate ice cream. LOTS of it. One yam waffle sandwhich ones and 25 cent Mac's cone. We told ourselves that we won't hang about Kino but we did and I found *drumroll*......INNOCENE!
I didn't even know he finished drawing it. Amuro that is. He's the guy that draws for FF too.
It's like a ten page hardcover that costs a whopping $51.90
Went to the post office but I forgot Mr Go's address so we had to come back another day T__________T *curses* Nevermind, I'll email him once I sent it. He should get it by mid-May and I'll prolly get my CDs by end May. YAY! HOLIDAY! *throws confetti*
Went to HMV and found....MACABRE! *drools* It's $70!!!! I tried to order Gauze, but they didn't have any on stock. I tried everything I could think, Amazon, CD Japan...etc. All no stock. WHAT THE F**K? So. Okay. Ask Mr Go again. LOL. I want the Gauze~30156 too. *whines*Munny...munny munny munny. Atashi wa $_______$. Ordered Akuro no Oka for $23 and it wasn't too bad. They didn't have Yokan, Cage or Taiyou no Ao. Sad right?
Nevermind cos Auddy's gonna get Macabre and Tsu will rip off her. HA!
Went home, showered and in the process of downloading more stuff. Oooo yea....*drools* KR Cube LIVE!
PS. Auddy go read fic. Detente muwhahaha..Scroll down you twit.
PSS. If "Macabre" in Engrish is "Ma-ca-bereu". Then "fic" would be "fikku"?
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 06:53 p.m.+
holyfuckinggodforsakenmeIcan'tbelieveI'mswearingbutwhatthefuckinghell........
+tsu waited for you at 10:41 p.m.+
Tired....
Listening to: Taiyou no Ao - Dir en Grey and Dido - Don't leave home
I'm tired.
Blahpeffttfbook.
I've been wanting to make that sound for days.
Went for oral and was sad cos I didn't get Mrs Low but Ms Chow. Ms Chow is a good History teacher but unfortunately she's also bias and exercises favourtisim in class. Also, she is a Type 1 b*tch. I don't like her. Nor do I respect her. But she's my form teacher and my examiner so I can't say much.
Well, not as much as I would like to say that is.
Thankfully, Alexander Pushkin calmed my nerves down with his poetry, which I am grateful for. Reading through passages of Morzart and Saelieri is fantastically calming. Yay~
Finished oral, hitched a ride from Auddy's dad, which looks like a nice guy and sounds like a nice guy so he's prolly a nice guy. What am I saying? He is a nice guy. Anyhow, went home, showered and jumped onto the bed to catch up on sleep. Sleep.....I skipped lunch and slept till 2pm in the afternoon. Tsu is a lazy pig.
Reluctantly got dressed for aikido and got my brother to drop me off. There was a replacement intrucstor and I was too nervous and jumpy to concentrate properly. Also, I forgot to ask the uhhh....guy's name. Don't kick me ^^;;;;;;; Anyways I don't think I'm really interested in relationships (except with my bed and pillow and blanket). I'm not ready for this kind of thing.
Besides, I make a lousy girlfriend.
I whine, I angst, I write yaoi and listen to jrock and cosplay. Also, I openly drool over Yoshiki and not the guy. I'm also bratty and spoilt and I enjoy getting treated like a princess. Whee~ Don't marry me.
Had dinner with dad, bought Fables which is getting better and better. (Snow White gets P****** with Wolf!!!!) Then I went home and sat in front of the monitor and slogged out another chapter of the story. I'm beginning to think it's a bad idea to write a chapter a day. Ah well.
A Place of Your Own 6
Love and g'night.
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 12:06 a.m.+
Sha no kai
Listening to: Raison d'tre - Dir en Grey
Let's see...I tried my darnest to be good today. It was a pathetic job because I suck at lying about emotions and every single thought can be seen in on my stricken face.
In other words, I moped and sulked and pouted all while doing distrubing things like stabbing myself with a scissor.
Yada yada people care. But yada yada I kinda liked hurting too. Or at least I can understand the attraction of it.
It just gives you something else to concentrate on besides your own turmoil.
Went home still slightly out of sorts but still okay. Showered, ate something then went to retype new versions of Love Replica and Room 304, both shita to yoru and hakushi. I'm letting my teacher read it.
Aww...c'mom, I'm not THAT macabre that my teachers can't read it. For some reason she wants to read it too
Just that I hope she doesn't think I'm crazy or something.
My mom left for Thailand today...It's just another downer in a terrible week. Bad karma I suppose...
Some footnotes regarding A Place of Your Own that I want to clarify:
- Note for Kyo Stalkers: He lives in Ikebukuro, and he always has spotted there. Apparently, he enjoys the sushi along Kaneda(?)street, situated near a river.
-Temaki-zushi set, which is what Shinya ordered, is a type of hand rolled sushi shaped into a cone. They usual come in sets. Temaki = handrolled
-Chira-zushi, which Kyo ordered, is a type of sushi they serve in a bowl. I've never seen it in Singapore though. It's known as "open" sushi because it's placed into a bowl with ingrediants on top and nori sprinkled. Chira = open.
-Medea supermarket rocks. And Japanese cashier girls are actually very polite and go "arigatou" even if you stall the queue. For fiction purposes, I just made it sound like a weekend at Carrefour.
-Benito is a type of root, usually dried and sold flakes, used to flavour nearly everything, but mostly soups.
-Shishou is a type of vegatable and tastes nice when fried in tempure XD
-Cherry doughnuts....I actually invented them. I heard that Kyo uses cherry filling when he vomits over the audience and I combined with with the PINK 7-11 doughnuts (strawberry) close enough, I hope.
-Oh yeah, Shinya likes organic and healthy food. *sweatdrop*
Thank you for reading the notes! As a reward you get chapter five! *throws confetti*
A Place of Your Own Chapter Five
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 07:18 p.m.+
Dum de dum
Listening to: [KR] Cube- Dir en Grey and Deracin - Gullet.
Hmnnn...I did my best today. That is, not scream and yell though I wanted to. Lit was fun, I honestly love that subject even though I hate the story. Odour of Chrysanthemums has to be the most odourous and adorous story on the planet.
I tried not to get bored, and I held it off by mentally talking to Kyo and Shinya and watch them quarrel in my head. It's just brilliant to. It's almost like a movie and I have an insane urge to buy popcorn and -watch-.
No science pratical! Yay~! Went to Coranation with Auddy and Zara and Natz. Had Thai fish with gooey soup. It's so gooey it looks like the kind of thing Kyo might like. Anyhow, it was nice but I got rid of all the carrots.
Walked the supermarket, which was a good thing. First reason because I needed something to do and I wanted to walk. Second reason was because I needed to do a supermarket scene and the best way is through [Quote] DIRECT EXPERIENCE! [/Quote]. *giggles* Mrs Low is just hilarious. Anyhow, now I have the sections stuck in my head, as well as the food and the sounds and the smells it should be easy enough to do. Think Carrefour anyhow.
By the way, never go Carrefour on a Sunday. I nearly got sick from the crowd.
After hanging round the supermarket and reading the labels of everything from hair wax to pure cane sugar and curry mix, we headed off to the row of shops just outside. I don't know why...I like walking but I hate running. Running seems to spoil the fun to be on ground I think. Running is good for your body but bad for your soul. It doesn't help you observe things. For instance, if I ran instead of walked, I wouldn't know that crows have a blue-black sheen to their feathers or the wind on the skin felt like shimmery cool instead of blasted heat.
It doesn't help you see things beautifully.
Went home, used my utterly delicious blueberry shampoo and fell asleep till dinner. Apparently my horoscope also agrees that Karma is bad this week. LOL. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
On the other hand, my teachers, English teacher to be excat, thinks that I'm good enough as a writer to help her write a book. Me! Help her! Write books! *gets starry eyed* I'm so flattered...She wants to write a children's book about squirrels and we were bouncing ideas off each other while walking down the stairs. It's nice to be treated like an equal though I know I'm nowhere near her skill and experience. Still...I'm enjoying it.
Generally it's about a squrriel which is different from other squrriels because it has a kink on the tail. It's ostracised by the rest of the squrriels and her family is embrassed of her too. So she makes friends with humans and then she teaches them their ways and makes friends with a strange young girl. It's pretty simplistic, for a good reason because it's targeted at 5-6 year olds.
I keep on wanting to call the squrriel "Rudyard." XD
I was actually pretty surprised she asked me cos I always thought Judith was better. Anyhow I make a lousy childrens' writer. I'm far too morbid and macabre. LOL. She did, however, experienced a surge of interest in what I was writing.
What do you think? Should I show her my original stories?
Anyhow, here's Chapter four of A Place of Your Own.:
Chapter Four
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 09:00 p.m.+
And yet.
I'm still pretty shaky, but I'm okay.
Please don't worry so much ne~~~~~
I feel like uhh...what's the word? Desercin? Desceren? It means uprooted anyhow. That's how I feel. Kinda lost. Kinda empty, very drained and just....old. I feel like I can't do this anymore, I can't adapt and that I should be extinct according to Darwin's Law of Evolution.
And I still can't believe I'm crying over the fact that my teacher changed our seats.
It sounds so stupid when you say it.
But it feels like I just tore away a little piece of my heart. Like I just threw my soul into the dustbin and watched it rot. It's like Griefhoney, Sadwater, Larme, Bloodacid, Painshadows, Heartears How can I explain it? I love Audrey as a friend, like the way I love Nekochi and my sister, and it just feels like something broke.
It doesn't help that everyone thinks I'm queer.
I'm torn between logically yelling at myself JUST WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???? and just throwing myself on to a soft surface and bawling my eyes out. Okay so I'm emotional and unstable and I suffer from bi-polaric mood swings and god knows what else people put up with, but when it boils down to it...
Nothing.
It's so empty I'm scared.
I'm also having difficulty adjusting to writing. It seems that Tsu-writer is proportionally affected by Tsu-person. And it's not good when everything is bad enough and suddenly you can't even form a proper sentance without going "This is a disgrace to myself and every writer in the universe."
Thankfully, I've already pre-finished certain chapters so here is chapter 3:
Place of Your Own Chapter 3
Isn't interesting how when people decide that the people who care about them compared to the people whom they want to run away from, the latter being greater, always commits suicide? I suppose everything is a balance. How people value their life. I know for one thing I'm not the fighter-type. My natural instinct is to run hide and pray to whatever deity I feel like. *JesusAllahBuddlha!* How when people suddenly decide that no matter how much others care for them, they just want to -stop- and dig their heels to the ground and die?
People say it's cowardly. But I suppose it takes a strange sort of courage to die to. By your own hand no less.
And yet.
Stolen off Auddy's blog. *sweatdrop* KYO IS MY DAD???????
PPS. Thanks for caring everyone *huggles* You might not know it, but ALL of you, yes, ALL of YOU *that's YOU* mean alot to me.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 11:13 p.m.+
Chapter two + entry
Listening to: Taiyou no Ao
I'm so pissed at my teacher I couldn't care less if I broke every rule in the Protocol, I cursed her anyway.
Stupid Fracking woman.
*sighs* Anyhow, I did my best already. Everything I could do, everything I think I could help, I did it. Even if she's gonna hate me for the rest of my life.
Fic-wise, everything is going fine. People who don't know DeG can read it too, cos yea, it doesn't really matter whether you know them or not. If I changed the names Kyo and Shinya no one would prolly care. Most of my fics are going to be properly archieved at www.dark-death.net later once Auddy fixes the source and what nots.
Okay! Chapter Two:
A Place of Your Own
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 03:38 p.m.+
+tsu waited for you at +
Girft and entry
Listening to: Taiyou no Ao
My juices are flowing, I just finished a record of 4! chapters in 4! hours and it's so long that I think it's going to be about 15 chapters plus.
Because it's so bloody long, I've seperated it into different chapters. I'll upload each one per day cos I'm sure no one likes reading like err..4 LONG chapters a day.
Here's chapter one + teaser. Tell me if you like!
------------------------------------------
Place of My Own
Kyo x Shinya
Chapter one
------------------------------------------
"Fuck."
Being stranded in Tokyo was not his idea of fun. When your girlfriend kicks you out, it's usually important business. It's usually even more important if you happened to be a jobless going-to-make-it-big-one-day! member of a band. Even moreso when you're dead broke and you've been sponging off her for ages.
He really didn't know anyone. He came here for the band and he didn't like it one bit. Tokyo was so different from Kyoto. The black white salaryman, the office girls with their pretty makeup and pretty smiles, nothing seemed real. Just dazzling neonlights of Akihabara. the swoosh of trains running endlessly round Shibuya's train tracks, eveywhere he went was lights and more lights. All so beautifully illuminated. All so beautifully decorated. All the more painfully fake.
In Kyoto, life was easier. You were either a wimpy piece of shit, or you survived. Thankfully he wasn't a wimpy piece of shit and fought enough in playgrounds, then carparks, then streets, to know what life was really like. Life was a pain and he knew it and didn't bother hiding it. He wore his pain like a badge on his chest, piercings on the lips, tattoos on his arm and scars. He didn't like Tokyo, a city filled with shimmering people, all smiling. They wore makeup, they wore masks, and they failed to realize the truth in life. Cowards.
But he did. In this city filled with illusions, he was real.
People stared at him. Stared at him for showing the truth, stared at him for the scars written on his skin, stared at him for his macabre songs of death and pain and lust. He didn't care if they loved him or hated him, he didn't care if he was an ugly freakshow, he had a message and he didn't care what happened as long as people knew. As long as they knew about what happened behind closed doors and hidden graveyards.
His was a song of painful truth for the shimmering world to hear.
More importantly, where could he stay?
"Moshi moshi."
"Er...hello? May I please speak to Terachi-san?"
"Speaking."
"Niimura here. I'm looking for a place to stay, can I camp out at your apartment until I find a place?"
Slience.
"Sure."
Click.
He stared sliently at the phone, wondering. He didn't know Terachi very well, just that he was a drummer and that he was from Osaka. In fact, he had a hell of a time trying to get Terachi's number. I wonder what he's like......Anyhow, I wouldn't stay for long. Just enough to get a place soon I hope.
Terachi's apartment was thankfully only two train stops away, and lugging all his CDs and clothes around at 12 midnight was no easy feat. It wasn't too hard to navigate to his apartment and the drummer had given explicit instructions. Even so......He stood infront of the door, wondering what to do next. I know I'm not wanted but I need somewhere to stay
Fuck it. And he rang the doorbell.
The was greeted with a slient nod of a head, dark wavy curls obscuring most of the other man's face. The place was small, but comfortable. Books and CDs placed neatly in shelves along soothing blue walls, a cosy looking navy sofa and white beanbags. Two hallways led, most likely, to the bedrooms and toilet.
Suddenly, he heard a small yip. What?
A particulary hairy puppy was chewing the edges of his new boots. It didn't seem to care that they were new, and cost approximately 8500 yen, or that these boots were high enough to kick him to the moon. Oblivious. And very very cute.
"Cute."
"Miyu."
And the puppy leapt into the other man's arms. For a spilt second, Tooru saw a beautifully happy smile on his face as he cuddled the dog in the arms. A strange smile, so short and so complete, like laughter, that lit up his face and disappeared as quickly as it came.
"You can sleep in the spare room." His arm was still wrapped round that incredibly perky dog as he vaguely jabbed his finger to the apporiate direction.
"Thank you Tearchi-san."
"Shinya." It was whispered so softly he almost couldn't hear it. So soft it was, it was almost a sigh.
Shinya, he rolled it over his tongue, tasting the sound of it. Shin-ya. A pretty name. A name that was pretty yet ambigious, saying nothing of it's owner, just the prettiness of it..
He unpacked, stacking his things into the cupboards provided. By the time he finished showering and unpacking, he found a bowl of hot instant ramen on the table, presumbly for him and Shinya sitting on one of the beanbags with Miyu indulging in some truly violent Japanese pro-wrestling.
"Well."
He wondered how the hell he was going to tell Shinya. He wondered if Shinya even cared. He wondered why he even bothered explaining himself.
"My girlfriend just dumped me."
Shinya just nodded, his eyes still on the television screen.
"So that's why I'm here, just temporarily," he finished lamely.
"You can stay."
And they were slient for a long time.
-----
By the time he woke it was nearly afternoon. It was strange waking up in another's home, as if he was intruding the owner, intruding his sancutary, intruding his -home-. He woke slowly, watching the sunlight stream frostily through the drifting gauzy white curtains. He felt the soft sheets covering him, smooth and well-washed. He stretched, then yawned, rubbing his eyes. Pale blue walls. It seemed to be the theme.
He liked waking up this way. It made the ugly world seem much nicer.
Still yawning, he padded his way to the bathroom. Showering then changing into his usual outfits. Black, black and more black. Ripped shirts and torn pants, heavy eyeliner, safety pins and a multitude of piercings. He didn't care if he looked as ugly as the devil, or maybe even uglier. He was proud of his worth and had nothing to hide.
A voice floated behind him. "You can't wear that."
Anger was building in him. Rage. Hot and heavy, gripping his heart like a choking voice. He wanted to punch him. He wanted to kick him. He wanted to tear him into little tiny pieces of mutilated flesh and feed it to the damnably cute dog out there.
"Why?" He spoke harshly.
"Because this is Tokyo. Because I said so." A stoic gaze levelled on him, almost a stare.
"I'm not like you." He almost spat out the words. I'm not like you with a pretty face and a pretty name. I'm not like you who wears a mask of slience and hide away from ugly truths.
"I never said you were." Just as coolly, Shinya went back to his newspaper. "Breakfast is in the kitchen."
Slience. A rustle of newspapers, a page being turned. Outside, the wind blew frostily, drawing ice circles on glass.
"All right."
And he smiled at Shinya.
It wasn't a nice smile. It was a smile filled with irony and anger. A smile so fake it shouldn't be even called a smile, but rather, a parody of a smile. A satircal version that involved the moving of one's lips, a bitter and painful one.
The rustle of newspapers.
"So what's your name now?" A pair of brown eyes looked levelly at him. Cool. Imperturbable.
"Kyo."
"So it is." And he went back to his newspapers.
Kyo smiled again, this time unbeknowst by Shinya.Kyo Who he was, what he was, where he was. It was perfect for Tokyo, this city of illusions. The city which revelled in it's masks, who built countless mirages and neon lighted dreams. He was real, the pain was real, the truth was real. What hurt was real, what didn't hurt was....What didn't hurt? Everything hurt. But no one wanted to look, to look for the pain of truth.
And he was Kyo.
He went back to his room, changing into an oversized shirt and pants. Decent enough Terachi Shinya-san? He thought ironically to himself. Shinya was still at the dining table, fixtated at todays' news apparently.
"Anything interesting happened? Or are you just fixtated with advertisments of bikinied women?"
"Nothing so morbid that would interest you and no, I'm not interested in women prancing about semi-nude."
"You're interested in dogs then." Kyo let the innuendo hang in the air.
Shinya brought his newspapers down, staring at Kyo expressionlessly. "Dogs are loyal. Also they know how to shut up and eat." With that, he returned to reading.
"Oooo...Prickly aren't you? Gee, I'm so scared." Kyo said sarcastically.
Slience.
Brown eyes peeked over obstrusive newspapers. A smirk.
"At least I'm not the one with spiked up hair."
And he smiled.
Shinya had won.
He hadn't noticed it yesterday night, he was too busy unpacking and worrying about to notice that Shinya, was actually quite pretty. Not sexy or beautiful in the strictest way but a different sort of beauty. Shinya had a subtle confidence he exuded coupled with a tight control over himself and his emotions, which was unobstrusive but prevalent. He was also ambigious to a fault, never saying anything that should have been said, or saying anything at all. He let his slience speak for itself, which would drive anyone up the wall. He wasn't too bad in the physical department either, dark hair tied neatly into a ponytail, large eyes that could either look doe-like or kill you with a stare (like right now).
So, addmittedly, Shinya was quite attractive.
And also unfortunately a sarcastic, frigid, dispassionate, unsociable son of a bitch. Prickly too.
Shinya was quite annoyed. He had been kind enough to let Niimura stay at his place and what did was the first thing he did? Mess up the living room, dress up like a demon and fight during breakfast. He said I was prickly! Involuntarily his fingers tightened on the papers. All he ever wanted in his life was peace and quiet. Peace for his solitary soul and quiet for the music that he wrote. He honestly couldn't give a damn if he had to dress up like some chick on crack just to play in a band. It was a pity that he had to, but it seemed that music required it, so he would. Even though it felt stupid and meaningless to him.
Then there was Niimura Toor- No, Kyo.
Who, unsurprisingly enough, was rude, vulgar, obtuse and a pompous piece of shit.
Unfortunately he was also a bandmate who, surprisingly enough could write soaringly painful lyrics about death and destruction. He also had many admirable qualities, many of which Shinya couldn't help but respect that. His intense desire to "make it big", his attitude and his acceptance of pain as part of life. Yes, Shinya admired him for that. But it didn't change the fact that Kyo was, indeed a piece of shit.
They quietly comtemplated on each other and that was how breakfast was finished.
--------------End----------
Author's notes
Written for the following people: Auddy, Nekochi, Aya, Sak, Su and people who actually read my blog. Much love, thank you for all the years of encourgement!
All information inside is pretty accurate. Kyo got dumped in Tokyo whilst living with girlfriend (source: Phiryn). Shinya likes Tokyo (source: Interviews) His dog's name is Miyu, which means it's feminine. I used Kyo's real name because this story is going to be as -accurate- as possible.
I've tried my best to figure out how Kyo thinks and I mainly used Phiryn as an example...*gomen!* Shinya was easy. Shinya thinks like me, talks like me but doesn't behave the same way. Kaoru wasn't too hard either, neither was Toshiya. Kisaki was another Yoshiki so that wasn't too bad. Problably the hardest was Die, because I don't know -know- him the way I instinctively know the rest. Okay, I just can't read him as easily as say, Kyo or Shinya.
Therefore, I'm sorry if I underplay Die's character or something.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 12:03 p.m.+
*snicker* *snigger*
Listening to: KR Cube - Dir en Grey
I just find it interesting that the day my winamp player starts working is the same day my windows media player starts suiciding.
I came online, and found the utterly ridiclous fic. It's so badly written it isn't just -painful-, it's PAINFULLY FUNNY.
[QUOTE] CLIMAX....To the max!" Kyo snarled. [/QUOTE]
*spits water, sputters and sniggers*
The rest of the story is filled with equally funny corny lines. OMG, I haven't had so much fun for a long time. *giggles*
School was school, which means it was a typical day filled with classes, oscillating between amazingly boring and amazingly good. Also, the class OHP (overhead projecter) had decided to go on strike for certain teachers, namely, the Chemistry teacher and ELT. This is actually a good thing cos I have a severe innate dislike for both of them.
Finished my Chinese exam, and it only took me 45 mins for Paper 1 (composition) and Paper 2 (theory)! YATTA!~!~
Went home and sat under the shower. I mean, sat. I just turned on the tap and blasted the water on my shoulders and skin. I was just so tired that I didn't really realize that I was actually sore too. Oww....>.< Well, sat under the tap until I started to turn prune wrinkly and reluctantly turned it off. Part of the reason is because the water is nice and cool and Singapore weather is just..hot. Swelteringly hot and humid and sticky and it clings on you like a second skin and more annoying that fricton.
It's like the air is rubbing on your skin. It's not nice, it's not sexy nor erotic, it's just annoying.
It makes me want to walk round the house stark naked.
Tried reading but it was so hot that I soon fell asleep. Woke up for dinner and bearly rubbed my eyes to keep from falling over. I don't make a good wife methinks. I sleep far too much...
I was just thinking...just dreaming...pale jaded moons glimmering in darkness...blooming pink white sakura in the dark...silk rubbed on steel...velvet coated barbed...sugared poisons of aconite....
I was in school today when I heard the calling melody again. It's the second time I heard it in my life, and it's the same time too. Just after Easter. I was frozen, shock? Euphoria? It's so breathtakingly beautiful, this song. No one else can hear it think, either that or I'm dreaming. Cos when I woke up from the beautiful melody everyone was still sleeping in class.
I think it's the song of angels.
I heard it before last Easter when I was so unhappy because my mom just scolded me for behaving badly in church when I suddenly heard chimes. Like ringing bell chimes. It's not a clang or a tinkle or jangle, it's like pure music. Then singing...I don't know what the song translates to, nor will I ever be able to remember the lyrics but I know what it means. It's a song of joy, of life, of happiness. It's a song for people to live and it's just so beautiful that I almost cried when I first heard it.
I wish I could listen to it forever.
It's a chorus y'know..I don't even need to close my eyes and colours will start dancing before me like fireworks. Silverly ash grey burning into bright brillant champange gold then plunging into depths of white, so pure, so white it almost hurt and I had to blink my eyes a few times. Turqiouse blue arcing across vivid greens transmuting into red plumages which spilled forth vermillions and magenta flames.
Then the music slowly faded back.
I don't know why...but I keep on forgetting the melody after that. I mean I know how it goes in my head, but I can't sing it. No one can, in all likelihood. It's just so transcendingly beautiful, love poured into a song. It didn't matter who I was, what I could be, all my inborn human lust and deceit because the singers would love me for who I am. Completely. Love and happiness just washed over me in estascy.
One day, I swear, I will find my angels and thank them.
Angel-hunting...No..Angel searching. I'm not going to capture them. I just want them to know I love them too, despite being just me. Despite all my dirtyness and filth in my soul. I think that I'll love them forever, love them since that day I heard them sing.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 08:55 p.m.+
Smells like blueberry shampoo.
Arrraghh...I have a painful, throbbing, sledge-hammer pounding headache. No music...
Tired....but I went out with Auddy, Natz, Mari and Zar to Coronation anyways. I think it was the International Friendship day concert. The music was so jangly and so loud, what did they do with the amplifiers? Turn it all the way up? Managed to catch some sleep anyhow, curled myself up and hid under the fire extinguisher. Woke up much better, but I think the music was a killer.
It was so hot and stifling, not a nice sort of heat but the all consuming humid and sweaty stickness that makes everything so cloying and painfully bright. Even the wind didn't help too much. I tried my best anyhow, and sat on the window ledge. It's more comfortable there, cooler. Not so confined and tight *displays claustrophobic tendencies* If Auddy preferred desk sex, I prefer window sex.
Math class, English class, whatever. Everything was so blurry cos I was so dead tired. I mean I was listening to what my friends' said, and was trying to laugh and joke but I couldn't summon the energy to do so. >.< Sorry if I was stoning in class..
Funny thing was that Sakky looked for me during class to do a Lit project. o.0 Quite funny really. None of them had prepared anything and they had a project deadline today, my sister forgot to bring her lit text/notes which I gave her, so Sakky looked for me during class to help her.
I'm kinda flattered that they think I'm that good.
All the same though, they should take their responsibilities seriously.
Went for Science Pratical and it was so bloody easy that we all finished it before 3pm. Amazing. I'm beginning to gain a healthy dislike for Chemistry. It was really easy, simple resistance : potential difference : length of wire. I liked setting up the circuits and it was, pretty fun!
Went to Golden Rooster as of usual, and had lunch (while trying not to feel guilty). Spent time in the bookshop and found this super duper amazing book called Stalking Tender Prey from the Grigori Trilogy by Storm Constantine. YAY! Fallen angels, magic, demons, yaoi, twins and angst angst and more ANGST! I didn't have cash (cos I'm saving for Blitz 5) so I'm hoping that no one buys the book before me.
Stuff I want and saving for:
Blitz 5 Days DVD
Elf Child by Pierce
Grigori Trilogy by Storm Constantine
Anything written by John Le Carre
Went home tiredly, dropped my bag and stuck my head under the shower in hopes of waking myself up. It doesn't work. It just blasts all thoughts away, making you close your eyes in a stupor. Mindlessness.
Okay, enough to whining about my pathetic life.
Stuff I need to do:
Write more, as in 118 et total
Make my long delayed site.
Stop making empty promises.
Stop spending so much money.
Stop hanging around on the net listlessly.
love ya all
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 09:14 p.m.+
Eiri
Cos I'm afraid to forget the address it's lsmkoh@iinet.net.au Right. Don't lose it.
From Japan to THE WORLD!!!!!!
*out to conquer concerts*
Next thing on the list: $CASH$
love esp to Eiri
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 11:05 p.m.+
Spicy
Listening to: [KR] Cube - Dir en Grey
LOL...you have NO idea what's like to run around with KR Cube stuck in your head on auto-repeat. Kuari fuwari.. It's nice though~ And Shinya looks so pretty in it! Toshiya too~
Went a bit hyper and crazy today ^^ Had too much sugar. I brought shortbread for the general public and these super adorable Easter chicks for my tomodachi. They were SO CUTE I nearly couldn't eat them, and Neko just MASTICATED them in front of me!!!! Wahhhhh T_______T evilness....
Pretty okay, quite slackerish and I just went for Chinese tuition. Argued with the teacher futilely then I just shut up to appease her. *sighs* After all, she's pregnant and stuff. Played air guitars and air drums much to the (un)amusement of Auddy who had the (un)fortune of sitting next to me.
LOL...That poor lady who tried to talk to me at the bus stop. I just tried glaring at her but I dunno, she took it as an encouragement to talk EVEN MORE, and in the end I just sang out loud to show I wasn't listening to her. I jsut wish I knew why I keep on getting harassed by supposedly harmless old ladies who just want to smile and talk to me! For God sakes' I don't even know you!
I mean, hey, I appreciate your friendliness but I need some space of my own too. It's just distrubing how willing people are to talk to me...I'm nothing special. Hell, I'm not even pretty.
Well, I shouldn't be complaining. It's a privilege I suppose.
I love KR Cube I love KR Cube...okay I'm adding it to my favourite favourites already ^^
The chorus just ROCKS.
Anyhow, I have a new camera ^^ Which I have taken advantage of...Everyone is now scared of me and my camera. *giggles* Yatta!
Oh yeah, please vist my fellow THE FINAL layout-ers.
Phiryn
Nekochi
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 09:36 p.m.+
Sorry sorry sorry.......ah well. Betsuni.
Listening to: Taiyou no Ao - Dir en Grey
I just realized most Kaoru fans don't really like Kyo. LOL. True! *points to self*
I'm sorry if I'm blogging later and later now. The MisConexxion *please scroll down to read* took too long to upload/edit. Yay! My first comedy. Point to Auddy: 119-1=118
Sulked abit, felt ill and naseaous and very pissed. Since I'm a nice person, I shall do it as poetically as possible. (while still being pissed)
---Random---
On an early Easter morn
We dropped my darling sibling off
Off for class, off for math tuition
Happily my mother and I
Turned for a walk
A shopping walk at the mall
To the bookshop I first headed to
"Times" as it was called
Wandering through the maze of paper
I felt a lone and insistent call
Siren's song to sailing ships
How could I resist?
Feet moved lightly, pacing quickly
A book in my hands, love at first sight
AH!
But my mother
My terrible mother
Discarding it for a mere $30 over
She placed her foot down
My heart broke for my lover
I held it tight, defiant
But I knew I had lost
Then I realized
Not the price, not the price
But the bold sign "GAY LIERATURE"
That deterred the blood of mine
My heart sank, it plummet
Down from lofty Cloud Nine
What, pray tell, has prejudice any use to us?
What, pray tell, will open your narrow mind?
What, pray tell, do you have against my love?
A mere book.
Would, pray tell, you disown me if you found out?
-----------End---
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 02:17 p.m.+
Happy Easter fic!
For Aya, my sister. Dir en Grey, Kyo x Toshiya, comedy.
----------------------
MisConexxion
---------------------
Kyo looked glumly out of the recording studio. Honestly though, he was having a perfect life and had nothing to complain
about. He was a musican, a vocalist in a highly popular rock band, his latest single had been welcomed by the public with
open arms, he'd just finish a tour, he didn't need to pack bento sets for the rest of his life, what more could he
want?
But he sighed.
The problem was he wasn't fufilled, the magical moment was not in his life, he was missing an essential something...This
something or actually, someperson. Yes, he needed the light of his life, the joy of his world, the brightness to his
darkness, that said, in very cliched terms.
The problem being a certain blue haired gentleman, a very sexy blue haired gentleman who just so happened to play bass
in a band who just so happened to be the same as his. The certain young man just so happened to be also 27 years old,
Aries and born in Nagano. He also happened to be, in Kyo's opinion, the sexiest man on the planet known as
Earth.
This certain young man also happened to have the name of Toshimasa Hara.
Who also happened to be known as Toshiya.
Or Totchi, quoting every rabid fangirl out there.
That be said, the man in question happily bounced into the room, blue hair flying behind him.
"OooooHAYO!"
Kyo stared too stupefied to move. This radiant beauty bouncing towards, shy smile dancing lightly on the edges of his
lips. He's coming he's coming Oh MY GOD he's walking towards me! He sat utterly still, he fingers twitching
spasmodically as he clutched his seat. He was vaguely aware that he was behaving like fangirl but who cared? His love of
his life, the light of the world, the lovely shining Toshimasa Hara was walking to him!
In fact, now he noticed the subtle slight droop of his loved one's lips, the delicate crease between his brow, the sadness in
his nervous, doe-like eyes. What could possibly be troubling him?
Maybe...?
He allowed himself some hope.
"Uhhh...Kyo-kun.."
"Yea?"
"Can I talk to you *privately* after pratice?"
big eyes so beautiful like limpid pools oh my god yea. Hope rose.
"Sure."
"Gee thanks Kyo, you're great!". A warm smile flashed.
No, you're great.
And Kyo allowed himself a tiny smile.
======After Pratice========
Shinya had left with Kaoru and Die, giggling like a drunken man -no, woman with their arms round his slender waist,
exchanging winks and lewd smiles with one another.
Really, those three, how did there manage it? Where did they get the stamina? Kyo wondered. Just as he wondered if
Shinya was ever top.
Now that would be interesting. He smirked slightly to himself.
That left him and a certain Toshimasa Hara, alias, "Toshiya" with him. The latter had been jittery the whole day, an
expression of worry marring the beautiful face. And Kyo was determined to find out what.
"Umm....Kyo?"
Oh such sweet heavenly voice! He could write lyrics for it, describing the beauty, but never fully able to express his
adoration. He wanted to swoon....But not now, later. Yes, soon.
"Yea?"
He tried to sound as reassuring as he could. He wasn't used to reassuring in general.
"You know..You've always been a great friend to me, ever since I joined the band."
Kyo felt hope rise in leaps and bounds from the depths of his heart. He could feel it swelling from the pit of his stomach,
all the way up to his chest, choking his voice. He nodded sliently, asking Toshiya to continue.
"Well....I know you're not supposed to feel this way about your friends, especially if they're your best friends and it'll
complicate matters greatly but I- I-- I can't help but feel this way..." Toshiya rushed his words out, his cheeks
colouring.
Kyo knew his heart was going to stop. He stared, his mouth gaping open like a deadened fish. please say it please say
it
"I'm in love with your sister!"
His heart stopped. Literally.
He gaped weakly, like a dying man gasping for air.
WHAT? what? WHAT????
He tried to comprehend, not really listening clearly.
"I know it's really strange but she's really sweet and really cute. I mean, I saw her when we had a live in Kyoto and I just
*had* to ask her out. She's really really wonderful to me..."
Beautiful shining brown eyes looked up to him with an expression torn between love and worry.
Understanding pounding his hammer on to his muddled brain. Enlightment dawned upon Kyo.
'YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT GAY?"
"Well, yea. I mean it's just really fun to crossdress and I mean...the others....they aren't right?"
Kyo shot him a deadpan look.
"What do you think they do at the backseat of the tour van?"
A very small "oh" was heard.
Slience.
"You don't mind do you?" Large eyes looked pleadingly at him.
Kyo sighed.
my life is a fucking cliched melodrama
"Sure. Why not?"
---------------End---------------------------
Love and Happy Easter!
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 11:26 p.m.+
Shulla downloads and stuff
Listening to: Travis - Love comes through and Shulla- Saru no Omen. (Look ma! No DeG!)
I doubt she actually knows or cares anyway.
Not that she listens to DeG.
Was supposed to go for 2.4km run/walk but I woke up late, and flopped on the bed and decided not to go. Wasn't really hard to decide, just sort of roll over and "uh!" Sleep. Went to school to help decorate the class, drew "fine" logos and more political paraodies. I kinda liked helping out...Except that round them I feel kinda lonely cos they'll never talk about stuff that interests me.
Well, neither does my family. They always tell me to shut up.
They just want to talk about clothes, and how annoying our classmates are, moan about the school, talk about English music and MTV.....I can't help it. I'm bored. Even at home, they just want to talk about schoolwork, they want to talk about mundane issues like "Can I borrow the car?" or what nots. They don't want to talk about how wonderful books are, how poetic Pushkin can be, the merits of different authors. The flavours of VK music.
It's kinda lonely round here without my friends.*sits in the corner and draws dust circles*
I'm not blessed with an understanding family, they just -think- they're being understanding when they're not. It's an irritating mixture of condescenance, arrogance and ignorance that I CANNOT stand.
Back to mundanity.
Went for Aikido class and had some fun ^^ I learnt how to floor a guy! I didn't really get it until my partner (a whopping 20cm taller than me) said that it should be easier since I was short. Then I understood. It's not really strength, it's balance. It's pure physics theory. Moments = Force x distance. I can't change the distance so I rely on force. So you swing your partner round so that you increase the momeneum (velocity x dist) and thus, increase force.
LOL, I even came up with a handy equation.
Anyhow, he was kinda cute. But yea...I'm suppose to learn how to beat them up not -pick- them up! *kicks self*
Anyway...harmless fun.
Went home, changed, went out with dad. How annoying that man is. Rude, tactless, prying man. Honestly sometimes I think he doesn't deserve to be a human being since he's incapable of love. Had Thai dinner, got sliently pissed during that and went home to read.
As usual my sis had a tantrum temper, my mother didn't listen and my brother did his own thing.
How amazing we are still considered a family unit when everyone does their individual things and not care.
Simply diffident? Indifferent? Different?
Oh well. Life goes on...
Downloads
ONE AT A TIME. It's only temporary, please buy the album when it *gasps* ever comes in. Please delete within 24 hours (like real)
RINRIN no Negaigoto
Bonzu
Saru no Omen
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 09:10 p.m.+
desiring
Listening to: Wild Wild Summer - Flipper's Guitar
Eh...Listening to indies stuff. Flipper's is Cornelius's indie band before NYC. It's not too bad and it's uber surfer rock genki haretsu ^^v da BOMB! It sounds like the Yatta Yatta fig leaf song, LOL. Not bad, Cornelius has an okay-ish voice, quite good technique but I have to say, it's borderline bubblegum rock.
It's like my ten year old cousin on crack. Complete with "float" lyrics.
Got hold of some Kagrra, Baroque, Blood, Shulla and other indie-ish stuff. More CAINS:FEEL too. LOL. Gackt's old band is beginning to grow on me. Professional musicianship technique/recording-wise, it's almost rubbishy, but talent and energy....WOW. *puts Shulla on her list* This stuff ROCKS. I mean, head bang it! Dunk it on the recorder! Swing it!
Managed to get copies of Pierrot's Live Follower concert, some Kagrra Lives and Miyavi PV. ^^v not bad! Not bad at all~
Woke up feeling groggy, showered, changed into simple sailor top and miniskirt and went to church. After that, headed to Kino and bought some Russian literature. Little Tragedies by Pushkin. I think my absolute fave has to be the Mozart story. I totally understand how he feels. Totally. Absolutely.
*Random Note: Shulla's lead singer sounds like a cross between Kyo on a sugar high and Kagrra's lead."
He sounds cute no~
But he looks like KYO! *falls over in shock*
Finished Pushkin as well as the critiques that come with it. Changed into a ribbony long black skirt and went out again for mass. *sighs* Boring, but the music was good.
Another Random note: I WANNA GO CROWDSURFING
What the hell? I should do music reviews instead. Here goes:
Shulla-Otegami
I love this one. It has a lovely cheerfully yet morbid background chorus that goes "Die!Die!Die!" and a really nice ballad-ly chorus that sounds like Merry's Koharkuiro no Ballad. Plus it has a Yokan jingle to it!
Shulla-Kushimi
Hmnn..This one Auddy will like. It's very tight, very good. The bass is fast and very very upbeat. The kind you wanna bang your head to and go YEA! It sounds like something from Kisou album, complete with an opening Kyo-style gurgle. And the guitar riff in the intro is TERRIFIC!~
Shulla-Sunadokei
Ballad-ly, voilin-ish opening strangely reminscient of Kagrra. Later changes into a Gackt-sounding whine (wtf?) It's not bad...it's alot like Gackt. *sweatdrop* Actually, I can imagine Gackt singing this.....creepy na~
Shulla-Saru no Omen
I think..This is the bestseller in the bloody album. It's just GOOD! It's fast, but muscial, and right at the 2min section there's a SOARING guitar note then pause then he goes "iwa" then BANG BANG BANG. They sound pretty original here, and personally, this is the style I would like them to take.
Shulla-Bonzu
OMG! IT SOUNDS LIKE [KR]CUBE! Then it deviates into something Really Cool. My first impression was KR Cube without the bell ringing in the OP, but they didn't really need it cos there was a BANG BANG BANG! of the drums which signled the beginning of song. Great song if you like KR Cube but quite sick of listening to it~
Shulla-Usotsuki Shounen
Quite fast, sounds like Miyavi and Dir en Grey. Opening reminds me of Keloid milk somehow.This is the kind of song I'll listen to if I'm feeling spastic. Good beat (de dum de dum de dum de de de de). I like it~ Genki-ish and somehow...reminds me of Sumo drinking song. LOL.
Shulla-Dame Ningen
Auddy will love this song. Very very very good drums and it sounds good too~ The de de DUM! de de DUM! beat is very effective esp when he screams DAISUKI! Sounds kinda like a rap cos he sings to damn fast. It sounds like Naruto-ish for some reason...LOL. HongKong kick flick!~
Shulla-RINRIN no negaigoto
Genki. Shit genki. L'Arc en Ciel type smiley genki. Okay opening, but not enough energy and when he starts to sing...*sweatdrop* It's a Chibi-Sex song. Really. There's the hard rock backing with cool *roove roove* filters but there's this guy here singing like hide and chibi to hell. OMG! Child porn....Great song anyhow. Then when it reaches one minute, you realize it isn't just good it's GREAT. Esp with the guitar solo screaming it's strings out....fantastic.
All in all....Shulla is good. Not great, but good. Some really good best like Saru no Omen and some weird ass experimental stuff like RINRIN. They're not perfect, and they've only release 2 albums (Fuarare Hanabi and Yukue Fumei) but I have a gut feeling that they're gonna be great. Unless they disband of course.
I'll try putting downloads tomorrow. GREAT STUFF!
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 09:24 p.m.+
Maybes
I'm double blogging....same day, barely 3 hours apart. Aren't you sick of me yet?
I just wish I was strong enough to fight them
Frack I don't want to sleep tonight.
When will the flowers stop falling?
sou ...mou hana ni ochimasu
stupid stupid stupid!
+tsu waited for you at 10:44 p.m.+
when self-perservation kicks in
Listening to: Taiyou no Ao - Dir en Grey
I don't know why I do things. Sometimes I have this insane urge to spill the truth, the truth I know that lies deep in my heart, the truth that one day I'll get caught. But I haven't yet, and I'm not planning to. I just need to remember to keep my mouth shut. And my hands off my blog.
I blog alot, but....I don't blog everything. I enjoy lying to a certain extent.
Anyhow, went to school and had a health checkup. I realized I'm also irrestitable to the nurses, who treated me like a kid and said I was "cute" and gave me green mentos candy. *sweatdrop* Apparently, I have low blood pressure and pulse rate, whcih makes me suspecible to fainting and vertigo. Better for me to fall into Yoshiki's arms huh?
School was school....Sometimes I feel like everything is just a dream and that catching dreams is like grasping sunshine or holding air. Swiftly sweetly fleet..
Watched a bit of A Winkle in Time. I kinda liked that book, it appealed to my sci-fi/fantasy tastes and there were also ANGELS! Whoo hoo~ To be excat, cherubiums.
I'm going to tell you something that has been bothering me lately.
La Tranquil is gone...I can't go back there anymore. It's locked, and from the gates I can still see the shimmering sea and mouldy white tiles. It's gone and I feel like crying because it means that the calm will be over and then the cycle will start again and I'm scared of the next destination and I don't want to go into the forest.
I'm really cowardly I guess. I'm not really very strong. And I don't want to go into the forest. I have to cross it one day, but I'm still waiting at the soft lands. Soft lands like merge border to border, grey areas of murkyness.
Oh god....Where are you Kyou? Where are you? You know I need your help, please come back. I don't want to go in alone. Pine is gone, Kazuki is gone and I'm all alone in the dreamscape and I'm scared to death because they're after me again and I really want you back.
Please come back...come back from wherever you are...I don't want to walk alone.
I'm literally begging you to come back.
Help me save my pathetic sense of sanity.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 09:01 p.m.+
THE FINAL!
Listening to: Yurameki- Dir en Grey
Woke up tired because there was a bloody construction works going on at my place again. Like, what the hell? They start digging at 10 pm all the way up to 2 am in the wee morning. Do they employ vampires or something? WHY THIS HOUR WHEN MOST PEOPLE ARE SLEEPING?????????????? The road outside my house gets dug up every 2 weeks simply because I live in district 11/10 and it's very close to Orchard. All in all, there are 3! road works going on at once.
Doesn't help that I'm a light sleeper.
ANYHOW!~ Auddy and Nekochi surprised me when I was sleeping on the carpark again (no I'm not planning to get run over). THE FINAL!! You see, all three of us chipped in to buy the magazine (Arena) because it's pretty expensive and I got to bring it home today and SCAN IT!!!!! XD XD XD....I was so happy I scanned it at 360 dpi~ Which is like 5 mins per pic...
School was quite alright (mainly because I kept peeking on the FINAL pics) and I didn't mind too much the differientiation of Log/Lon. It isn't too hard really (yet). Problability is pretty fun too~ (Joys of Trees! and Threesomes~) The Chem test wasn't too bad, except that question (iii) pissed me off because it was unclear and I couldn't do it. So I just found the volume of gas evolved. Hopefully, I guessed right.
Chem Pratical sucks. (and so does -she-)
Went to Coranation with Phiryn and had laksa! It was hot and spicy and very very good. I don't take chili well so I was fanning myself going "very good very good" and drinking large glups of tea and soya bean. Lunch was fun~ Headed down to the supermarket to buy ice cream, and had the most fantastical mochi ice cream.
It's actually sweet mochi skin, rolled very thin, covering vanilla and peach ice cream and it's FANTASTICALLY DELICIOUS. (tsu is hooked) Mmmnnnn..........absolute pleasure~
Went home, showered and slept. Skipped dinner yet again. And then made my beautiful layout!
Do you like it? It's actually two seperate images and then I resized them and merged it using heaven-sent photoshop~ It's my first time making my layout 1024 and I did it beacuse MY computer runs on 1024 and I'm getting more selfish and catering to my preferences instead...Is it good or bad? Ah well, bigger size means bigger DeG! *drools* Kao x Shin.....
Okay, ja~
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 10:46 p.m.+
Pfft~
Listening to: Taiyou no Ao- Dir en Grey, Kiss me Kill me Thrill me - U2
I'm getting more and more tired lately....Today wasn't really bad except that I slept through most of Social Studies, or my concentration level just went downhill.
The teachers were okay and managed to finish the stupid Moral Ed project in time. About 300+ ish. Quite okay I suppose...........Not my usual style.
Auddy says my writing style is predictable. That is, mounds and mounds of descriptive writing combined with one sentance paragraphs. And blanks. Lots of them, sometimes it looks like I left a spacing between each line...Quite pathetic eh? It's not that I purposely go all out to nuture this style or force myself to do it, it's just that my thoughts seem to flow like currents, then pause, then releasing another flood of words.
Just like this.
Planning to get the Blitz, and all's well at the moment. I'm just annoyed at myself, my grades and the -stagnant- feeling I seem to have everytime. This restlessness for movement, for development. Maybe I'm not really restless, but I'm missing something important in my life. I thought Aikido classes would make me busier (it has) but it hasn't really done anything to change this feeling I have.
Then I get annoyed when others badger me to do this to do that, when I -KNOW- I will do it myself, at my own pace. It just seems that life is this constant upheveal of nagging and fufilling everyone's expectations but your own. Quite sad really.
Then there are times I just detest school. The cramp suppressed feeling I have, like invisible walls of a prison closing in on me. Trapping. And all I want to do is get out but I can't because I have to be paitent, I have to wait. I don't have Judith's supportive parents and liberal atmosphere, I don't have Auddy's laisszure faire parents allow her to do this and do that, sometimes I'm stricken by an odd pang of envy. Envy at my friends it seems.
But it seems so wrong to feel this way.
I can see the love pouring from Sharon's father, his affection. I can feel how caring Auddy's parents are. How tolerant Nekochi's parents, how supportive Judith's are. Some part of me wants to yell at the universe at how it isn't fair! It isn't fair that I have to trust my own judgement all the time, it isn't fair that the support that I get has pre-conditions and set rules. It simply ISN'T FAIR
But I tell myself that waking up is a privilige, and I am not dying in Bangledash.
Sometimes I think I can hear the screams of millions of children, their faces crowding round me, smothering, melding into one into another, screaming and screaming at the unfairness of life, unfairness of living, unfairness of society and all it's evils. How these screams seem to echo through all centuries melding into one voiceless screaming of the past and present and coming futures.
Sometimes I wish I could sprout wings and fly, somewhere, neverwhere, anywhere but still, the thought haunts me: Would I still find my peace?
I have nothing to complain of. I have a beautiful life.
But the screams still haunt me, and they always will.
Isn't it human to want betterment?
dreams soft dreams, but only a dream
So, my final words are: PFFFTTTT!
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 09:20 p.m.+
Fuu~
Listening to: The Final - Dir en Grey
To Phiryn, you slow slow reader you: Takoyaki Story
Yay~ Go-san is so NICE! throws confetti* He's willing to help me rip (high quality, 20mb/sec VCDs) for 1500 Yen!
+tsu waited for you at 08:44 p.m.+
Frick
THE FRICKING BLITZ 5 DAYS SET COSTS US $222.22! WHAT THE FRICKING HELL?
It's about singapore SG $444.44
Bloody frickers.
*mutters something under her breath*
Dir en Grey you fricking money grubbers from poor straving students.
+tsu waited for you at 12:32 a.m.+
Anata wa......?
Listening to: Taiyou no Ao/Yurameki - Dir en Grey
There are times I just wonder why I blog so much.
It's not that my life is particularly interesting or meaningful, nor am I particulary talented and famous. I'm just a pimply stressed 16 year old with a taste for crossdressing men and storybooks. Nothing vaguely extraordinary or fabluous.
But everyone is unique isn't it?
Let's so some math:
There are 12 billion people in the world, so I'm 1 out of 12 billion.
Out of this bunch of people, I'm born under an astrology sign of Pisces, so that 1 out of 12 signs x 12 billion.
Taking that I'm born in a particular day, it's 1 out of 365 days x 12 signs x 12 billion.
Taking that I'm born on a particular hour, it's 1 out of 24 hours x 365 days x 12 signs x 12 billion.
Sometimes....I just wonder. Is human individuality just a bunch of pneumations and numbers?
Are we all different just because of jackpot?
We're all the same We're all different Everyone is unique You're unique too.
So I'm just well.....luck.
I blog alot. I know that. I'm long winded and messy and I ramble too much to make nice chorent sentances. Why do I do it? I value privacy. So why do I do it? Maybe I just want people to know and understand without verbal inflections and subjective quanitities. Just to let you judge me by the sheer power of Tahoma 10 px computer scripted words.
Then I wonder why I bother doing it.
Unlike all various people, I blog almost daily and often. Why do I do it? For myself? For memorary? For growth? I started this about 2/3 years ago...This place, this site, now almost like a home. (I refuse to change my address out of sheer stubborness.) I started with the intention of Leareth shrine because my html sucked. Then later, after the infatuation ended, I did it to remember how much I changed, how much I've grown. Now..? I don't need to know anymore. So why do I do it?
I do it because I want to. I need to write it out. I need to let it go...Even if all these invisible people watch the facets of my life, even if they judge me, I need to write it down...Not on a journal or a book. Too personal. A handwriting is a sign of individual personality. I need this...this....computerised distance between my -selves- to solve objectively, to look objectively, to think objectively.
No personal touch.
Looking back...I remember...Like everytime I hear Saiyuki...I think about Kajuat, Toraneko and well, her. Then how the kekkai fell, how everything just ended...just like that. How lost, how confused, how helpless I was. Then I picked myself back up and swore to build -MY- world. By myself. Every single shard of the sky. Then I remember my first cosplay, how fun it was, how Elial looked, how Tessie showed me around, how nice Natsuki was. Then the disillusionments and the fallen, brokeness of it all. Then the joy of Alex, her sweet, gentle company. Then leXis, a relationship -doomed- to fail. I knew it. But I didn't do anything. I just let it fall.....
Now, I'm still going on...trying not to repeat the same mistakes. Now I have Auddy. I have Sharon and Melissa and Nekochi.
Sometimes I wonder maybe...Maybe I called her Nekochi so that I don't need to call her Kdash or Toraneko. Am I still scared to face it up?
Sweetest coma again
Maybe...Sometimes I should learn to forget.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 10:08 p.m.+
Sou~
Listening to: Yurameki - Dir en Grey.
I'm becoming really good at identifying stuff~ Yay! Means that my pitching will get better and better~ ^^
Yurameki rocks! Go Shinya~
Skipped Arts Alive cos I was so sore and tired. Not for the millionth time I wish I could just -crawl- under my clean sheets and hide from the rest of the irritating world. Okay, I'm being mean. It's just that after a while, it becomes too much.
Went for Aikido class, my feet hurt from all the tingles. Pins and needles! >.< Kneeling for that long causes thrombosis I'm sure.....Anyhow, survived and managed to throw off someone. My left isn't as good as my right but I'm learning so it's okay.
I have 3 years to learn before hitting US. Ganbatte tsu!
Came home, finished Chinese tuition which wasn't too bad. Changed and added my ribbon belt (courtesy of sakky) and went out with mom, aunt and grandparents. Dropped sis off at the concert hall and headed straight for Indoor Stadium to eat mushroom steamboat. Funky eh?
Dinner wasn't too bad, and since they're related to me, I'm allowed to be babied and anti-social. Yes, I'm actually pretty anti-social round people I feel comfortable with. I like hugging Auddy cos she's always warm and nice when no one is looking. I like hugging Sharon cos underneath all that teasing so comfortable. I like hugging my sis and sak cos they so cute and remind me of stuffed toys. I like hugging Nekochi cos she's so magnetic and she hugs like she means it.
It's just that I tend to talk and fill up any kind of conversational gap when I'm uncomfortable with someone. Funny ain't it?
Went shopping at the supermarket at Leisure centre, and this box of ice cream caught my eye. Bulla passionfruit pine ice cream.....I remember it from Primary school. My friend, Vanessa Tan and I would always eat it, 50 cents each. Sometimes her mom would buy for both of us.
It's strange....she left for US. And now.....I don't know. Memories?
I remember sitting in an empty canteen, sitting on the metal railings, staring at the garden patch doing nothing but staring and talking of simple things. She was in my class. Pointy sort of face, short bangs at each side and slanty eyes which gave her a cat-like look. Sometimes I would come to her place and we'll play with her dog called Toffee.
I don't know..........If we met now, we problabry won't recognize each other.
How many years? 7? 8? After she left for NYC, I learnt about anime and visual kei and all the things I am now. Can we ever click like the way we used to? We were really good friends and we shared quite a lot in common. Except I was chirpy and all.
What do you think?
She's coming back in June after all.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 12:08 a.m.+
Anti-404
