Wai wai! Didn't meet Mizumi but it was okay cos she was prolly tired and all....:P Called Alex and chatted with Seele. Was pretty fun talking!~! Makes boredom go away.
Repeat after me: GO CHANGE LAYOUT
Anyways, school was okay and we won the NAZI game!. See, we're supposed to form groups and write speeches for our Hitler. Womderfully fun! Judith really looked like Hitler, I bet she'd be a dictator when she grows up ^^v After all, she is a socialist with power thing going on.......Made a messy flag and armbands! HAIL FURHUR~!
Had Chinese tuition and walked back and forth St Margret's about 8 times cos I was afraid I missed Mizumi and there were 3! BUSTOPS! and I couldn't remember WHICH bustop so I walked back and forth and tried to figure out who was who.
Had a lovely dinner and even better dessert (will eleborate later) and went to the supermarket with mom!~! I wanna buy some necterines to freeze or something ^^;;; //tsu has an obession with freezing fruits//Supermarkerts are one of my fave places cause it's so warm and friendly and so sparky and has so many things to look see and touch I like it~!
Dessert was wonderful~! Me and my sis share an obession with freezing fruits cos it reminds us of sherberts and ice cream without the fat~!!!! So guilt free~~! Anyways, poetry about frozen cherries~!
Frozen Cherries
Crystals of sweet ice
Melting on the tongue
Shocking cold
Swollen skins bursting with juice
Red berry hearts with stones
Pin pricks of icy kisses
That dance upon our lips
Cherries are so good!
The end~! Cherry poetry~! Yummy stuff! All ya need to do is was them and throw them in the freezer. I prefer the pinky yellow ones compared to the black cherries cos the pinky yellows are sweeter ^^ Hmnnn...Must buy necterines to freeze. Or plums. Or something!
Love
tsu
[Tsubaki dreamed in euphoria 10:12 p.m.]
Auddy and Natz are racing against time to change the password to Natz account in ff.net! LOL.....Tis amazing~! LOL....Auddy is trying to pissify Natz cos Natz doesn't want others to read her fics!
Anyways, doing Harry Potter artwork and other funny things! Screw comps~!
MEETING MIZUMI TODAY!!!!!
YAY! But I can't remember WHERE TO MEET HER!!!!
love
tsu
[Tsubaki dreamed in euphoria 11:30 a.m.]
Revelry Carnivals and squishy days
I'm writing about the Carnival again, light-heartedly though ~! Cos realizing all that didn't take me a day. I'm pretty quick when I feel like it :P
Carniva
Came earrrrrrrrlyyyy cos I was in the first shift and I was selling food. Again, I'm doing publicity....what issit with people and making me a publicist?????? I kinda like being in the counter too~ Anyways, we used underhanded tatics to get people coming. 1# Tsu dragged every friend, every favour, every teacher to buy 2# Judith, aka partner in crime, sms-ed everyone in ACS (I) to buy from us during lunchtime. PRESTO! We made cash despite it being only 10.30am~ Yatta~ *heartfelt*
Fooled around and contributed to DUNKING MR TAN by providing a wee bit of cash to see him wet $20! bucks well spent! Saw Mizumi~! waahhh....She looked so pretty in a skirt! Seeing her on Thursday too! cos her school is so nearby. Went to play the Bungee jumping and felt like I WAS FLYING~! WHEEE!! Yelled and shouted as I bounced 3 stories into the air! I love flying~!
Left for cosplay and met Alexiel at Orchard! Had wonderful Snapple and chocolate cake at Coffe Bean and giggled and prolly scared the poor patrons of the place! Mnnnmm....Snapple is nice! First time trying it too~ The sponge was kinda dry but nothing beats chocolate GAUNCHE.......*drools* Left for Pasir Ris soon after! At Pasir Ris, I slipped on the tangly wig and got lost looking for Leareth. Was pretty okay and did my "stalking"! Met Aya Mikage and traded numbers with her. Fun fun fun!
Got hoem early cos of family obligations and couldn't see Aya sing or Leareth dance and was kinda disappointed. Oh well......Fell asleep soon after.
Today
Bought Suiko 3 ARTBOOK!!!! YATTA~!~
Felt happy! Lured Auddy into reading Mercedes Lackey's Magic's Pawn and now she's hooked. Hahahahaha!!! Youth day was spent mostly slacking around and having tuition while today was more fun cos we had PE and everyone (including the teacher) was making all these weird perverse (or perverted on your POV) innuedeos. That was fun!!~! Even Elsa who hated me since we were 7 years old loosened up! LOL. It's pretty funny to see her sucking up to Judith by acting classy and all. :P
Drew a pretty flowery Art Nouveau design which looks like nothing. Or like fire. Or like plants. Or like the devil (contribution by English teacher). Hahahaha...Will finish tomorrow! Found a new book in the libaray and it's about a human experiment on dictatorships! Yay~! Spent time on the bus reading it and was pretty cool, oh yeah, my class has a special history porject on Hitler so my group are the Nazis and we're supposed to liek rally et al. I'm making the flags and posters plus I'm ALSO! the Minister of *sigh* Propaganda. Judith is Hitler and Auddy makes a hellva Toturer. Fun~~!! But our SS is dem boring cos it's on FISHING TERRITORIES. UGH. Yuck. Sometimes I wonder why I bother. Anyways, UK and Iceland can fight all they want demit. I don't care!
PS. Did ya know the past tense of shit is shat? Cool ne?
love
[Tsubaki dreamed in euphoria 10:27 p.m.]
Finished cosplay and carnival (hey! alliteration). I think I have realized something.
Back then, being young and desperate I was willing to reach out to anyone, including Leareth. Now that I think about it, I realize that it isn't worth it. It's not that she's not worth it, it's like I'm equal to her, why should I do this? Meeting her was profoundly strange. I didn't expect God but it made her less mysterious, more human...........so why should I worship one like myself? Doesn't make sense does it?
I realize that, I don't need her and she doesn't want me either so I shouldn't hang around like spare baggage. It's not that I have no friends (have too many I think) It's that most of them don't really know me. They see me on stage, they see me at cosplay, they see me fooling around but they don't see me when my smile fades, they don't see me when I'm shadow quiet......I just wanted to connect with someone, anyone and by chance I picked Leareth. It wasn't really a big chioce and when people ask "why?" I just ask them whether they chose they're fave colours in the uterus or not. It wasn't concious. It was just there
I think now I can make it not on my own, but with the people who truly care for me and the people I don't need to sing or smile for, the people who can drink my tears and share my joy, maybe all the masks will never leave but as least it will lighten the load. And I thank them for being there, for every second that they spend with me, every letter every word, all the laughter all the joy all our sadness all our sorrow. Yes my dear friends, OUR. Not mine. Not yours. But shared. (gee....sounds really communist ne?)
I don't need hero worship anymore cos now I'm not the side chara in Leareth's story. I'm the hero in MY story. And my friends are now part of the wonderfully interwined tale. The same tale, just told in different perpesctives. See? Everything is connected after all in a web we can't see but feel *laughs delightedly*
Well, this is the end of the Leareth chapter. May a new one begin tomorrow.
Dedicated to all my friends(it's my first poetry so don't kill me)
I thank you for your cheerful smile and carefree hellos
I thank you for your super glomp and smiley tags
I thank you for remembering my birthday and celebrating for me
I thank you for your company and every boring *yawn* Math class
I thank you for your doodles and scribbles, for remembering me
I thank you for your laughter and the ice creams at Mac's!
I thank you for helping me in stinky Chinese homework and the tiny pranks on each other
I thank your for the cynical critiques and angst-filled fun!
I thank you for drinking my sorrows and making them into joy
I thank you for your trust in me
But most of all
Thank you for being there
love
tsu
[Tsubaki dreamed in euphoria 08:56 p.m.]
Shooty.....I have no idea what to do. Part of me desperately wants her to like me and accept me. Another just screams for me to shut up, get on with life and it isn't worth a darn thing. So now what? Do I tear myself into two and hope it all works out? Logically, I shouldn't be caring. However some digustingly un-rational part of me is screaming going something like 'OMG OMG OMG' and the other is like "whatever man".
Brief run-down on events:
I started off as Leareth's stalker. Yes, this blog was supposed to be a Leareth Shrine and all. I liked her an awful lot and I think that was because I was desperately lonely. I can admit it. But I still -am- desperately lonely, that's why I understand why people don't want to be different. Sure people can say all sorts of nice things, but they're NEVER me and they can NEVER understand the pain and hurt! It's not fair! *back to topic* So I came up with the guts and emailed my undying devotion to her. And then my amazing *intelligence* (note:SARCASM) came up with a Tokyo Babylon spin-off. Well, I am delusional. I made a bet with her that if in a year's time I could make her like me, we could be friends and if not, I won't bug her for the rest of her life.
Next I insuiated myself into her life. Joined the IRC and forums and *tried* to get her to like me. I did it the wrong way I guess..........*shakes head* Nevermind. In the end, I kinda knew her friends more than I knew her. (eat, GA, Engush, BM, Seele, Saelle and all) It's sad isn't it?
I knew I was being immature. I knew I was annoying her. But I wanted so desperately to be friends with anyone! at that time.....anyone! So I pursued her despite the fact that I knew that it was hopeless and I was setting myself up for diaster. I F-CKING knew it. And yet I did it............It's my fault isn't it? Yes it is......I've deluded myself and caused trouble for everyone. I'm sorry minna. I'm really sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry! I wish I had never done this, never been born, never caused hurt and then maybe everyone would be happier without me. I'm sorry for disappointed everyone I'm sorry for every lie I've said I'm sorry for not caring enough I'm sorry!! I'm sorry! Just don't hate me please don't hate me
please don't hate me don't hate me don't hate me
I can't stand rejection and I'm sorry and that's all I can say........It's up to you to believe me. It shouldn't have degraded into this....Maybe maybe it was just ill fate. Maybe if I had gone about it differently it'll be okay. Maybe ................*trails off* It's too late now isn't it? Not that she'll actually care. Who would? I'm was so manupliative and didn't give a damn who was hurt and who wasn't. I'm just sorry I dragged into my mess. I'm sorry for causing trouble to Leareth. I'm sorry for ever coming up with the idea that we could be friends.
I'm sorry that I have wronged you
Please just don't hate me.............
[Tsubaki dreamed in euphoria 09:41 p.m.]
Nice things first:
You are Remus Lupin,the kind werewolf and possibly
the sweetest person in the world^^ You like to
read and love hanging around with your best
friends
Which of the marauders are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
You represent... kindness.
You're a very gentle, kind, and caring individual.
You truely care about people and are generally
well-liked. Though sometimes you may be
perceived as weak, you truely have a strong
heart and a good desire to help others.
What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla
Guys just love...how shy and sweet you are!
What Do Guys Love About You? (with pics :3)
brought to you by Quizilla
[Tsubaki dreamed in euphoria 09:06 p.m.]
I thought I wouldn't have given a damn but I do.....Owwww.....heart pain hurts the worse.
[Tsubaki dreamed in euphoria 03:51 p.m.]
Listening to : Superdrive - Gravitation
^__________________^ Judith rocks!!!! She sold all my funfair ticks *100 dollars worth!!!* ARIGATOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pretty boring day in class, since it was Youth day. Not much on classes and I just slacked around drawing and reading Yami no Matsuei and Angel Sancutary :) Wore my sailor shirt and pink ribbon~! Waiii~~~~ Most of my classmates were black and blue *pun intented* LOL....Dunno what's with people being morose. Bunny didn't come to school but the day was pretty fun~! Invented yet another set of charas, one teacher called Irvine who smokes and wears cowboy hats going "hiya'll~!" and hobby is baking cakes. Then there's the Angst BoyTwins called Kuroki and Shiroi....Yes yes, the names are done on puprose ^^v So far, they have the most well developed PAST. Ffufufufufu...
Ack....the air con is so cool *mayhaps I shouldn't have sat under it* and I'm FREEZING. But it's kinda okay.....Raining these past few days, such adorable weather to SLEEP! Funny thing was that this year's Youth day pressie was TISSUE PAPER. LOL........Are S'poreans so cheapskate? Felt really stoned and all and I think it's a side effect of stress. I'm pretty awake in a stoned sort of way, but not really wakey. There's no Arts Alive cos of the IJ Carnival and it's pretty shitty. Such a wast of time! We're not allowed to leave, we're not allowed to wear home clothes, we're not allowed ANYTHING. What so "carnival" about that? Honestly, it was much better when we didn't have the Carnival and just the Fiesta......People come here to study y'know.
What I find most digusting is the lack of sympathy for the less fortunate students. I know a Sec 1 girl whose parents are retrenched and couldn't sell finish her $100 of tickets, but she wasn't allowed to return the tickets back! It's terrible! So now, her jobless parents have to cough up a 100 to pay the school. WTF?!!??? It's not a matter of school loyalty but common sense. Our school prides itself for being caring and concerned to others but what kind of behaviour is this????!!! It's not that we don't love the school, it's just that circumstances force us to be like this. It's not fair that you preach day and night about Care and Love when you don't start it yourself....Isn't it hypocritical?????? *rather angry and disgusted*
Hmnnn....preparing for cosplay on Sun and my Chii outfit is done~~!~!~!~ Yay yay yay~! *dances in circles* Whoopeee!~! I have a feeling this will be one of my last cosplays because of school and work so I must enjoy as much as possible......I don't really will miss it I think. Nor do I think that I have much tie to the cosplayers. Problem being I can be overtly pratical about study and life yet delusional enough to believe in bish and anime. So where do I stand? Cosplay as I've said before is like a Society of MisFits *S'pore* They go there, create a social order for themselves like some Russian Monarchy. Everyone starts at the peasent level and literally, "climb up the scoial order". Frankly, it's off and screwed. I'm not really close -close- with any of them though sometimes I feel a hint of longing to belong. But it's normal and it goes away...........*trails off* I hope I'm making the right decision.
Egh!!! Too cold....Okies ja! Finish the yummy Serverus x Remus ficcies first of course!!! *Ohohohohohoho! * //runs away//
Lots of Love and HAPPY YOUTH DAY!
tsu
[Tsubaki dreamed in euphoria 02:31 p.m.]
I can't wait for the damn carnival to end...Anyways, I'm surviving, amazing....It seems that when I want to buckle down and work, I can actually do it. Quite good to know that at least my determination is getting me somewhere.....
Opening of CHDAMI.NET. GO VISIT!!!
Feeling rather tired and all, Auddy and I came up with yet another animeverse called Tomodachi High. We've invented everything from the school song to the funky charas. It's actually pretty fun~! There's the form teacher who is a tranvesite and has a fetish for hairy legs, students that range from the manical Angel Hunting President (Lucas Alastir Clet-Stuward) aka Luc to our own Vamp Slayer called Lashana Talia Carbone. We even has Male PREGNANCY charas!!! Like Muraki x Oriya boy called "Muriya" and Seishirou and Subaru's twins called "Shiru" and "Seirou" .....LOL.....There's Carrot, the gay school conseller and Sascha the Technicolour Angel (my chara)!!! ^^v WAIIII...It's so fun~!
Anyways, I DO study in class (well, sort of)....But it's more fun to fool around with other stuff.....*trails off and notices the dark glares* hehehehe....*sweatdrop* But I do understand now anyhow...Feeling happyish cos I'm cutting down on the angst levels, no point being angsty ne?
Yesterday incident
I was going to my tutor's house at Oxley Road and I felt dead beat cos I had been selling tickets. My tutor's neighbour saw me slumped infront of the door and AMAZINGLY! She invited a TOTAL STRANGER to her house for tea. SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW MY NAME. So, I had a sort of free lunch and was literally saved.....It's people like this that makes helping others worthwhile.....And it's the reasons why the world shouldn't be destroyed yet.
*regains her faith in human kindness*
It reminds me of a Jewish tale of the 36 kings and queens of the world. Supposedly, these "secret" kings and queens are pure and good and that's why God hasn't destroyed the world yet....It's pretty cool and one of my faves...Erieko, I sincerely hope that you'll be okay. Dissing religion is bad and even if they do to you, you shouldn't fight back but really....what they did is wrong....
Ehehehehe.....Okies, have work to do!
love
tsu
[Tsubaki dreamed in euphoria 03:46 p.m.]
What the world needs now..is........
So busy.....I'm prolly only gonna blog when I have the time so gomen ne in advance. :P
Cleaned up my table and it's actually CLEAN. I think I'm going to restart my life. I have one more year till my O levels and I really really want to get to a good JC and do well. I have the potential to be a 10-pointer all I need is determination....Tis so hard. *sighs* I'm restudying all my religious history and I'm getting better at it. ^^v Except that now I have such poor faith that I should claim to be a heretic instead. Interestingly enough, the word heretic doesn't mean people with no beliefs about God. "Heretic" comes from the word "Hereticulus" or "people who made a chioce". So actually, I've just made a chioce not to believe in it.
I'm really planning on stopping cosplay. It's really because of time. As you can see from my crazy timetable I have no time, not even for a tailor or what.....Not only that, it's a waste of good money and the ending isn't spectacular.......I just don't feel the euphoria anymore. Cosplay in Singapore is a perversity, what was supposed to be a fun activity for ALL anime fans has changed into a "who is prettier" competition. For instance, I can't do Seishirou no matter how I like him because I'm not pretty/handsome/tall enough. Isn't cosplay supposed to be a rally as a show for others to see how much we adore the chara and not a beauty contest?
Not to mention I have more cash to spend on anime :P
School's okay at least. I'm paying more attention now and I hope that I will contuine to be like this. I don't want to disappoint my mother who BELIEVES so much in me it's scary. I know she loves me and that's why sometimes, even when she's yelling and all, deep down all these hurtful words are not true........Sometimes the expectations can be painful to bear when disillusion comes and that's why I msut do well. For my mom. For me. And for my future.
Got my Haibane Renmei anime and it's beautiful~! *dreamily* Sorry if I'm not tagging so much cos of school and the Carnival is gonna kill me soon ^^
love
tsu
[Tsubaki dreamed in euphoria 09:09 p.m.]
Gomen for not blogging for so long.....I'm still feeling the side effects of a new timetable...
Timetable from Hell
Monday = IPW till 4 pm and Math tuition at 7-10pm
Tuesday = 1 1/2 hrs of Chinese
Wednesday =1 1/2 hrs of Math
Thursday = 1 1/2 of Chinese
Friday = Arts Alive
Saturday = Dinner with dad
Sunday = Math tuition and Science tuition
As you can see, I'm not very free. I'm not gonna put anyone down so if I refuse to go out it's cos of this ^^;;;;;;; Gomen ne in advance.
[Tsubaki dreamed in euphoria 03:17 p.m.]
Damn damn damn.....*mutters curses* OMG. The school has studown ALL their comp lab systems and it sucks!!!! I'm gonna have to think of a new list or something...damn damn damn....
Chidami.net is hosting me so yay~! Have a host! Arigatou Chii and Mizumi and all~!
Slept really late, gonna really DIE. I'm beginniong to think that I'm crazy for doing so much at once. All in all, it's crazy. Was so happy to start school today~! Missed everyone~~ *glomps* but some I didn't see. Oh well. Mostly talked to Phiryn and Natz. Arraghhhhhhh~!!! IPW can go to HELL. Anyways, I have a new Chinese teacher and she's frikking scary. I suppose she means well since she wants all of us to pass since my class has been failing since the Beginnning of Time.
I wish I said bye when I had the chance......*sighs* Oh! Do you like the layout? It features Luc from Suiko 3, to commeorate my finishing Suiko in hols and starting of school ^^v The title comes from a little personal joke. "Hanged Man" is how Luc views himself as tied to a destiny that he cannot break free, if you study tarot, that's the meaning of the hanged man. Green is the colour of his element, wind and the back ground is a picture of Sasarai, his twin.
[Tsubaki dreamed in euphoria 02:44 p.m.]
Tsubaki is a 15 year old girl who like fuffy words like "clouds" or "cotton candy". Loves too many people and prays that those people love her too, her favourite colour is purple despite usually being associated with pink and sparkles *^^* //sparkles!//
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Layout features Luc from Suikoden 3 and his twin Sasarai in the back. Done in his elemental green, the title Hanged Man is a little tarot joke. anged Man being symbolic of Luc's feelings towards what he feels is his only destiny.
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