and folks, here's the Wow-Wow Sauce~

I'm beginning to believe that I'm incorrigably unpredictable. To the point that even *I* can't predict what I do next. I can tell myself over and over again not to be stupid, not to do anything stupid - and YET(!) I do it anyway.

Fate? Sheer optimism? Hope?

Rockerfella was actually pretty good. Joined the moshpit for a while, skipped with Graham (I can jump higher than j00! HAH!), got flowers and chocolates and hugs from various classmates and friends - and even my own cheering section (wow) Honest to god, I didn't know I was so popular. Kunal was like telling me there was this horde of people cheering for me.

Btw, my clothes were fine. A bit too large, but fine. (even the guest judge said I was cute. hah!)

Didn't screw up even though I was nervous to hell. *twiddles thumbs* But! I did it anyway. Everyone though we were amusing and such. (except that they DIDN'T know I was partily telling the truth) Can you already guess what I did in front of an audience of 850+ people?

list of cracktastic stupidities
1. "So Gabriel, are you gonna be my girl?"
2. "But what if I have a secret longheld desire for you?"
3. *sings*darling leave a light on for me, I'll be there before you close the door, and give you all the love that you need~~~
4. The GayGabriel song

Seriously folks, do NOT follow my example on stage.
On the other hand, it provided a perfect cover, because everyone simply thought we were faking.

All the world's a stage eh?

Then my idiocy increased (or rather, false courage) and *dumdumdeedum!* I actually asked him out! Like...."Um. Can I ask you out?"

*insert dignity-dying sounds*

Of course duh, he refused. (I expected that) Simply said, he's like a minor-audy. But since he IS like a minor-audy, I can take stuff like that with my stride. LOOOL. Like honestly. D'you expect me to cry or breakdown? I'll sulk - but I won't like jump off any buildings any time soon. In any case, I figured that it'll torture him more tha n it'll torture me. Why? Guilt people. So I expected a some sort of crappy excuse-filled phonecall/sms tomorrow.

And guess what?
Crappy excuse filled sms! :D
(God I'm so brilliant sometimes loooool)

Here's the unedited, ungrammatical example:
Of all people you should have been smart enough to know that i am me and i am lost. i hope you understand. there is no easy way to put this. sorry.

*insert laughter here*
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHahahahahahah

He actually has the guts to claim he's lost
*amused*
What a fucking liar.

Lost is when you start self-mulitating yourself because you hate yourself so much that you need it to make the pain go away, lost is when your friends start forming suicide clubs and start dying one by one until you're the only one left, lost is when obsession takes you over and you have no sense or reason, lost is when you watch your friend die of passive suicide, lost is when your best friend attempts to rape you and you don't know whether to report, lost is when your brother hates you so much because he's jealous, lost is when you're so dark in despair that even the kitchen knife is beginning to set in possibilities unthought of before.

He? Lost?
Please.
If anyone should be considered "lost", it should be me.

(but see? I'm a wonderfully good actress when I want to be, not to mention that having lived through all that shit, I can afford to be as optimistic as I like.)

I'm still terribly amused though.
The excuse given is just so funny.

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 10:14 a.m.+

Twennyears

Listening to: Placebo

School library blogging.

Cranky, annoyed, disgusted, irritating...pick your favourite adjective. Why? Because of Mr. Lucifer's irresponsibility. *can't stand it* I just hate it when people promise to do stuff, end up not doing then Mr Leong/Gay-Josh starts blaming me for it. WTF WTF WTF! Then today's attitude problem. Yes okay, it's the first thing in the morning you have lecture, I have lecture it sucks like crazy but that DOES NOT mean that you can just tell me to "fuck off" okay? I'm trying my darnest to make this work so we don't embarass ourselves infront of an audience of 800+ including parents, teachers and the principal. You're not the only one nervous or annoyed or having a bad day. To repeat what I've said to many people:

SUCK IT UP.

While "WTV" is slowly becoming a stock-phrase, I'm glad at least my clothes are fixed and everything is more or less prepared. With the expection of the script (yep, the most important thing), I've done nearly everything else. I'm just annoyed because I feel like I've been taken advantage of; and all the responsibility has been shoved on to me simply because everyone else is so frikkin scared of him. Seriously. There's nothing scary about him, he's just like - a big bastard crybaby with an attitude problem kz?

Class is actually okay, they've started on Heart of Darkness and Handmaid's Tale (utterly preferable to Glass Menargerie and Long Day's Journey) I actually like Heart of Darkness - it's one of those creepy but cool books, and it's so debatable who Kurtz really is. Capitalism? The devil? Corruption of civilization? Savage Nature of Man? The entire sensation of reading it is much like the way you read Secret Sharer: confusing, confunding and meandering as though the narration can't decide which speaker to follow. Very much a signature of Conrad though.

I can imagine lots of boys feeling a little testy after reading Handmaid's Tale though. Womanly stuff like rape, abortion, degradation and gender powerplay. They should make it complusory for all men to read it - then maybe they'll have an inkling of what it feels like to be a girl.

Or we could just stick santiary pads into their briefs :P *ignores the howls of manly pain*

Just nervous as hell about tonight - I brought Pushkin along with me just in case. Pushkin btw, is my favourite de-stress book. I read it before my O levels and most of my papers (while everyone else was mugging). So it feels like an old friend - a very good friend at that. Borrowed Beckett from Mr James again, Company is offically the best description of life ever.

A voice comes from the dark.
Imagine.

I think it's wonderful (plus it's only 50 pages long in size 16 font!)

I'm just nervous about today.......*sighs*
So many things can go wrong!
What if I fall on stage, my voice cracks, mispronounce or sentance-trip? What if my skirt falls or worst still - do something utterly stupid?

*feels abandoned*

I'm not blaming anyone - it's just that I feel so alone around them because I hardly know anyone personally. No hugs, or glomps or squishes before I rush off. Audy's got studio project, my family is at home celebrating my brother's birthday, I asked Sak not to come because of the rowdy crowd, Gloria can't make it because her parents don't allow her out late. That leaves uhh........me and PillowCat.

;_;

Shikata nai.....

Part of me wishes that this is over quick, and then my life will be back to normal (and Gabriel-less). Another idiotic furtive part wishes that it'll go on forever - cause maybe I do like him, I don't know. I don't think he's interesting anyway (self-absorbed ass)

Yesterday skipped school.
Feel much better actually.
More at peace of mind, less of worryinglikecrazy.

Almost feel like doping myself silly with painkillers first so I won't feel anything - then again, it'll make me a bad host. Argh. Choices.

love <3<3<3
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 01:19 p.m.+

Boo.(frikkin) hoo hoo

*sings*
here comes the monster
out of the closet and into the dark

My offical phrase of the week: WHATEVER.

I'm tired, drained and annoyed and hungry. God, the way I eat is problably making me fat since I practically -survive- on junk food and running around straving.

List of Annoyances
1. dress did not turn out properly for rockerfella (I'll alter it into a skirt but FU*K what a waste of material)
2. Failed econs
3. Mr. Gabriel Tan aka. Devil Incarnate bloody frikkin DID NOT hand the script to Joshua (gayboy) Gao. What happens? Mr Leong goes after me. Like WTF WHEN DID I BECOME IN CHARGE?
4. Miss S Lit on Friday with Fahy(f*ck)
5. CCA Orientation = energy drain
6. Owe the school library $30 for missing books
7. HOLIDAY HOMEWORK .___________.
8. Either tuition tmr or on Sat. (damned)
9. No island creamery

10. WTV WTV WTV WTV kz. The end. He's not interested so STOP TALKING ABOUT IT.

Actually he hasn't said anything, I'm just annoyed because everyone thinks he'll automatically say yes OR laugh and giggle OR give me pointless reminders.

Kz. I'm offically sick of gossip.

Offically. Sick. Of. Gossip.

(either that or I'm just really annoyed that he hasn't given the script to gay-josh, and that gay-josh went scurrying to Mr Leong to screw me over. F*CK YOU GABRIEL TAN.)

I'm also a bit sad that the dress a)makes me look fat b)is not sewn in the correct dimensions c)is not made to specifications.

Thus I feel I wasted money, and that now I have to make it into a skirt (though very cute skirt :P)

But now I have to think of something to wear for rockerfella.

*insert expletives*

-------------

School wasn't so bad. Mrs Sng didn't scold (zomg! for real!), I didn't get caught for sleeping during Econs lect, Fahy was pleased and in general, was quite okay. Even the CCA festival-thing was okay. 21 signups, so we can expect a good haul (compared to the measly 9 of CJC Magazine hah!) We looked cool, felt smart and radiated enough stylo-ness that could be compared to the Sport-orientated stuff.

My brain is utterly fried though.
Like zing! crispy.

Anyway, it seems like now the entire school knows about the whole thing, although the details vary from person to person. Honestly, it's the best publicity stunt ever. I don't mean to be calculative or anything, but some people are buying the tickets JUST to see what happens on the day itself (besides the music of course). Since the script isn't finalized (damned you to hell), there's a big WHAT on Friday. I bet they all want some spectacular scandal to happen.

In any case, how I feel about it seems to be of no importance because everyone takes it for granted that I've decided that I like him. (which is wrong. I'm idiotic at times, but I have a healthy sense of perservation of Inner World) I can try to explain that I'm still unsure, but who cares? It's interesting. Gossipy. Vaguely scandalous.

Picture this:

Triple Science-DoubleMath S Biology student who is rude, vulagr, sarcastic and arrogant to nth degree meets his match in a crazy, slightly sweet, clueless triple Arts S Lit student.

As they say: "IT'S JUST LIKE THE MOVIES!"

May I repeat that this is reality? Look. Our timetables don't even match. Our heights don't even come remotely close. We have seperate groups of friends - most which decide to tell me today that "tsu, you're really smart but PLEASE DON'T GO OUT WITH HIM. He's bad. Like bad bad bad"

*insert hysterical laughter*

As if I don't know.
duh I do

Why d'you think I'm so hesitant? Why d'you think I call myself "stupid" the entire day? duh I know. And no matter what happens in the end, I'll never endanger my own private universe for some guy.

Anyway, I'm really tired so...
nights.

love <3<3<3
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 10:08 p.m.+

Making of Sense

*moping*

Seems like tomorrow I'll be f*cked and busy too.
Damned be to hell.
*sighs*

I don't regret Rockerfella though
At the end of the day, I made lots of friends in the SC
And yeah, we've become sort-of close ^^

Anyway my hell/heaven project got passed through, and scored a decent B for Eclispe project. Apparently they love my concept and imagination. It drives them up the wall how much I tend to meander and not follow though~ loool~ zero artist models! (yeah yeah yeah....:P) But I think I did okay, and I do deserve the grade I got.

My skin just creeped while listening to music though....it was as though it was so full of it - that I felt nauseaous and choking. Like whoa! image-assault! The problem was that after these kind of musically induced attacks I tend to be untouchyfeely - I don't even want to touch a pen, or my skin to touch each other because it's hypersensitive.

Such a strange strange sensation
Like absoluscene.

Rockerfella reheresal went smoothly and .........sung the Gay-Gabriel song! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I can never forget that expression of UTMOST horror. But I made sure that he wasn't hurt (he was pouting though~ hilarious.) Yeah, anyway, I have a feel it'll be okay to embarass him infront of 500+ people as long as I don't steal his limelight (aka. Bad Guy Persona) Not planning to anyway.....I'm still kinda amused. About the whole thing though, I guess that yeah well - it's a descision that I have to make whether I value the idea of love more, or my inner peace.

*considers*

Went out with Joyceln, Sherryl, Graham and Jared for dinner at Pepper Lunch. Looks like everyone knows/thinks that Gabriel and I are well..............y'know. *denies* I'm not confirming anything with anyone. On one level it's a "mind your business" thing, on another I find it frikkin' hilarious. (and the distant, voiceless side has something else too) Fun~ LOOOL~ I'm kinda blase about this entire thing. On one level it's like umm....interesting. On the other it's warning signals. (but more on that later)

Then Graham and I had a pinkie-finger splurge on sad-relationships session. He talked about his (unattainable) girl while I talked about my (non-existent) guy. Ahahahahaha....God, we're so pathetic together.

But it's funny~
And yeah, it's nice to have a guy friend to whine with
LOOOOL
(god we're just ghey)

And because we're such overanayltical people we can't even conclude anything except that well: it sucks. -_-;;;; Amazing how we went one big round and came back to the same thing. Yeah but okay~ I'm adopting a "learn more info first" and just testing waters.

It's almost like playing emotional feint and skerry

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 10:57 p.m.+

Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow

Listening to: Belinda Carlisle - Leave a Light On

Yesterday was nice~ First time I felt free - no more school!tsu or hardworking!tsu or anything else but me. I didn't need to smile or laugh or make jokes, or be extroverted to keep others happy. I didn't need to pretend or just be anything but myself. In a way it's really good~ I feel free to take a breath. On the other hand, it just make me specially vunerable to audy~ But I luff audy! And I *do* trust her (in my own specially paranoid way)

Dinner was okay-ish. I love sunsets and there was a particularly fine Disney-sunset that day over the harbour; complete with those block-shaft lights bouncing off fluffy clouds and pinkygold sky~ Got home to cuddle with NinjaCat!Pistachio and went a little insane with hugging it. Liek! ZOMG! Ninja caaaaaaaat!

But you're not really interested in that are you?
Not when there's more fun/mindscrewing stuff to do

Like:
heaven and hell.

I guess it really makes sense for me to do heaven and hell - for me it's just a natural progression from insanity to hell (doing Van Gogh -does- screw your mind) And while I understand escapism; escapism isn't really so much a origin than a reaction. Like, say:

Why do people escape in the first place?
What are we escaping from?

Because we don't like where we are right? But why?
Because it's hell.

So okay, maybe you disagree.

Maybe hell is eternal darkness
Maybe hell is all fire and brimstone
Maybe hell is seperation from God
Maybe hell is dying

But if it's just darkness, doesn't it mean that hell is simply Earth without sun? And if it's just fire and brimstone, then isn't it physical instead of metaphysical? What are souls anyway? Seperation from God? Aren't we already cast off from Eden?

Then maybe it's just that we're living in hell.

So what's hell?

Hell is the face of the loved one next to you, hell is the birdsong that wakes you up on mornings; it is the boss that screams at you, the train that breaks down and the traffic that jams on the expressway; we all live in hell.

There is no love in hell, no forgiveness, no trust.
Hell is a merciless place.

After all, it's just fair isn't it?
Ceteris paribus, throw everyone into hell and fair's fair, if you can escape hell, then you reach heaven.
What is God but an absent judge anyway?

Or perhaps, you could even say that we live in heaven
but it is our blindness that makes us fail to see it
then because of our blindness, that's why we don't deserve to be in heaven.

So what is heaven?

Heaven is trust.
Heaven is love.
Heaven is inside us.
Heaven is forgiveness.

Forgiveness is problably the most interesting concept. It is beyond love, beyond hate, beyond death and memory, beyond the onmiscence of past. It's a transcendence - to surpass, to evolve, to remove and even -lift- yourself from hell and into heaven. After all, isn't everything just perception? Reality is as malleable as a twisting papersheet.

So how do you earn the right into heaven? How do you get forgiveness? And transcendence? How do you forgive yourself first? It has been proven that humans are suspectible to guilt and incentive, how do you overcome that?

It's hard isn't it?

More than love. More than truth. More than knowledge or beauty or escapes - but true forgiveness. Dictionaries aren't much help - if you search "forgive" you get "pardon and vice versa. But it's actually very simple - to forgive is to stop blaming. To absolve a person from feeling guilt and to move on from it. Sounds so easy doesn't it?

Perhaps heaven is just a footfall away.
A whisper.....of love? trust? hope?
Or perhaps a whisper never mentioned, forgotten.

You know, Mr James asked me how I measured transcendence. It makes sense, how -do- you measure transcendence? You can't see it, you can't feel it, you can't read it from someone's face or perhaps (and even more likely), the person won't even know if they've reached it or not.

My reply?
"Measure the bitterness."

Because bitterness is not so much an origin (cause) but rather a rection (effect). If a person is bitter, it's a sign of cynicism, jadedness, resentment and self-hatred. It's quite like diagnosing a patient - fever is not so much a signifier than a cause.

*waves Yardstick of Bitterness*
And it's fairly realible.

:D :D :D
I suppose that it's really funny to me strikes some as vaguely obscene.

And perhaps....when it comes to heaven and hell
Rimbaud can give us the most perfect answer of all

What is eternity?
Eternity is the sun
mingled with the sea

It's such a pretty line isn't it?

That perhaps, eternal hell and eternal hell isn't so much different after all.

That step....
The sunshine
The sea

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 10:34 p.m.+

......

the desert is beautiful and empty
barren lands and fallen trees
airless and alien,
the ground of dust, dust
and the souls than wandering o'er
finding a song

Like an astronaut, still breathing across the mares of luna, the nightmares of the moon watching from beyond....A sense of longing and detachment and the yearning

I haven't really seen the long evenings for a while; caught up with work, caught up with reactions - reactions to people, to others, to whatever that happens - the now and then suddenly it seems so much better to stop moving, and think quietly like the way a moth flutters unseen. The afternoon are long and lovely, the blue skies stretch like infinite jetstreamed songs of what people told you before - the fairytale clouds and warm summers, the scent of fresh grass and that luminious green when light hits the leaves; plastic and rich and gentle - so unreally beautiful that I just wanted to stare at it forever and then I'll just step through the shadows and window grilles and walk into that world beyond.

saw the day
lost my mind
into the mirage
maybe in time
you'll warm.......tonight

And then the greyness is so wanting, the desert is so vast and alone, the skies, the hawk cries, the redbrown earth that sinks barrenly into dust and more dust - and I think, even in the sunlighted mirage I always see (for every illusion needs an audience) that even if there was someone else next to me, I'll never see it so lost I was in the mirage. Like hell. Every day you wake up into hell, the sunlight and smile is hell, your coworkers are hell, school is hell and the computer that sits before you in an entrance to even more hell.

After all, that's only fair right?
Chuck everyone into hell, and only if they can rise above it, then they can transcend into heaven.

So stuck in hell, the ground is dead and so are flowers whose petals blow whimsically across the isolative desert - and then the delusion becomes so much more pleasant and reachable - all you do is tell yourself you can walk a step further, even if you're going nowhere at all and yet.....

through the looking glass I walk
into the wonderland I made beyond
while the body rots in the mercy of desert

Yearning.
Longing.

Don't they remind you of something? These cousins of hope. Hope and you long, long and you yearn - yearn and you wish and then fall into the decrepit of disappointment then your dreams just kiss the concrete as you go and sleep life is unfair - kill yourself or get over it But it's ironic that without hope you become inhuman. Faith, hope are just the flipsides of yearning and longing - without hope there is no choice, without choice there is no rationality, without rationality......then what is human?

I used to play with these plastic toy soldiers - the little green kind - and I'll hide them everywhere in the house and I could never find them again. Like people. Everywhere but nowhere. Imagine: all faceless and featureless, all equally lost in the desert of mirages, and what do you do?

Who cares if you know that there are other people in the desert?

warm
keep me warm tonight darling
sleep under the stars in a woollen blanket
and kiss me in the morning just before I wake
to see it all fade into sand

Theoratically, if people were faced with grave and imminent danger like war, what do they do? They coupulate. Or in simple English, they have sex. Why? Because it's human, it's warm, it's flesh next to flesh, it's soft skin and it tells you that even though you might die tomorrow, at least you're alive now, that's you're alive with every cell in your body shaking for the white light. White light They used to have love temples y'know? In Mestopotamia. The seconds of blankness were a way of commuicating with God - white light of orgasmic pleasure. It does make sense, after all, isn't nirvana supposed to a land of nothingness? Void but endless pleasure?

Quote asterix: These Babylonians are crazy!
Or not.

*hugs pistachio*

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 09:49 p.m.+

freudenschade

Not it's not schadenfreude looool
Schadenfreude is the political movement, as well as the "pleasure gained from the misfortunate of others"

Freudenschade on the other hand (spell it backwards) is the resentment people feel from your pleasure. xD xD It's not even a real word, it's a wonderful neologism/tsu-glish invention due to today today and today.

Dumdumdeedum...BECAUSE TODAY IS THE LAST DAY OF CTs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm FREEEEEEEEEEE

*dances and cheers*

I love pistachio. Pistachio is my family cat which is green, brown and blue. Ninja cat!

Decided not to go out for ice cream because I just didn't feel like it. I think part of it is also because I'm realizing as before why I don't hold Gloria and Steffi very close. They're great people - but I don't believe I can trust them very much....Like today. I didn't really feel like mentioning it, but Steffi's insensitivity/thoughtlessness just annoyed me. That's really why I'm not very close to them, they don't really understand the full extent of subtlty. Or at least, the way I understand it.

They're the kind of people who, while well-meaning, will accidentally blurt of things infront of people only to apologize later.

And unfortunately, what is said can never be unsaid.

It also doesn't really help that I've more or less relaxed around school in the sense that I can work within the limits of it - on one level it's benefical because I don't over-rely on them, on another it does put distance between us. In Gloria's case she will never comprehend the reason why I do so much, just as I will never really understand why she never works harder. If I could rationalize the reasons it would be that yes, I like overworking because it stretches my ability and makes me realize that I can do more - which makes me want to do more. Also that I dislike heavy competition, and working hard justifies my results more than competition ever does.

But I do like them. Just not all the time.

I believe they feel the same way as well. We get along, but no soulmate existence.

--------

Spent my afternoon sleeping and watching my favourite unrequited love movie of all time : 2046. Imagine this:

A warm lazy afternoon streaked with sultry sunshine that sliced through dark curtrains, the air languidly moving against the rat-tat-tat revolutions of the fan; hot breeze as you sink against a comfortably worn leather sofa which holds you like a child; watching beautifully depicted expressions of unrequited love, dreaming of a 1960s HongKong filled with sordid streets and neon lights; of nightclubs spilling with wine and meat and women dressed like glittering seductive jewels of skintight cheongsams that held like sheaths; red lips and smokey black eyes moving to the rhythm of siboney

I love movies with colour. All my favourite movies always had a colour scheme: the red of Sympathy for Lady Vengeance, the foggy grey-blue concrete of The Return, the neon orange and vivd green of 2046, absinthe green and dull brown of Total Eclipse and the yellow/blue of The Reflective Skin.

Even Sin City makes me drool with the red/black/white colours.

Anyway it was thoroughly enjoyable day. Read Freakonomics, skipped tuition, watched sad sad love movies and had a spillage of presents from Sak, Mom, Sis, my angel and all those who sent me well-wishes by email or sms.

You know
I woke up this morning dreading today's test
Worrying about papers, exams and economics
Freezing in the school hall
While clutching my fountain pen in desperation
(problably the only student who relies on cateridge pens)

but with strawberry shortcake, love and wishes
it ended like a beautiful smile

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 10:17 p.m.+

random flowerchild

Listening to: El Manana

I got flowers today.
Pink geberas and cream freesias.
And it signed: from your angel
*is very touched*

I've never gotten flowers from anyone before
Much less someone I barely know :D
Quite happy~

Funny thing of the morning:
Mom totally forgot I was in the car and she went to office before turning around and going: Oh my Kafe! :P Ahahahahaha...

Literature wasn't so bad. I question-spotted Glass Menagerie (if I don't get at least a 32 I will cry), bullshitted through LDJ (the question was so hard!) and enjoyed the poetry comparision. Philp Levine and Charles Simic! I'm kinda glad I know a bit about them before doing the question. It's a tough sell though~ but 4 pages worth of decent quality work.

Tomorrow is econs
Am trying not to panic
*panics*

If I fail I'll just cry cos I don't want to drop S Lit

Went for tuition - it's really fun cos it's underground inside a bomb shelther (who else has extra classes in a bomb shelter?) and we get free candy like hello panda (I ate 5 packs of that) and drinks to keep us happy and attentive in class. It's also fun because Graham, Brendan, Jared and Jeremy are such good company - as well as Christine and Charles (though they only come for Thursday class).

*tries not to panic*

You know I just hate the feeling that I'm about to be executed tomorrow.

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 11:43 p.m.+

zookeepinlanders

*sings dreamily*
up and up on a far-away balloon
up and up to the big fat moon
on the wings on angel cartoon~

*dances*

CL B was silly as usual, spend most of my time staring out of the windows until I was crosseyed. My neck hurt from looking up too much I think. LOOL. But the sky is so pretty~ so are waxy glittering leaves and sunlight through windows that fall like shafts - all clean cut and glowingly minimalistic.

Changed, met up with sakky and proceeded to scrutinse every single fabric in Spotlight. Every. Single. Fabric. In the end I picked the one I originally wanted - pale pinkishbeige with pink flowers. So pretty!<3<3<3 Collar lace was darkish dust-pink which was really cheap (going at $1.79) with sleeve-lace at $4.45/m (duchesslace) Anyway it's not as lacy as sak's SUPERCUTE!BTSSB!-dress in Bandung+Milk pink. And her frill is bigger than mine. Then again, I'm aiming for a more VM look and she's going for amaloli.

*wastetime*
*wastetime*
*wastetime*

Yet again, people think I'm 16. But it's not so bad.
Helps in looking more childlike and incongruous.
Incongruity in much love! xD xD xD

Besides, I always have that feeling that my amusement and joy in life is simply because I've learnt how to appreciate the wonderfulness of irony.

love
pinkypinky tsu<3

+tsu waited for you at 10:47 p.m.+

Descision making is hard to do

Okay apologized to Gabriel. Final verdict? Zerkang-ness. Hold hand to no effect. Thus tsu is simply being rubbishy. Please ignore her rubbishness.

Anyway General Paper test was a GIFT FROM GOD!!!! *dumdumdeedum* The question 4 was like "woah!" easy compared to the rest. Question: "Religion has lost its significance in modern society. Discuss." I swear to heaven, hell and whatever inbetween that they MADE this question for me. It's such a lovely tsu-orientated question that I could've done it in my sleep - to the point that I finished 4 sides within and hour and could dwadle/doodle the rest of the time away. (okay I should be checking but I hate reading my own handwriting) Seriously, all I had to do was to progress from one idea to the next in a logical order and bingo! Marks! Anyway, I'm not about to reproduce a 2500 word essay so I'm just listing the points:

- Religion defined as faith/belief
- Religion's intrinistic value as a symbol of hope.
- Religion transcending human existence (thank you Sarte!)
- Religion as presence in the form of absence (thank you BNW!) - Religion as a form of progress for humanity
- Religion as a signifier (thank you Barthes!)
- Religion and Rationalism as mutally complementary associations to achieve humanity
- Religion defining humans

My lucky ribbon was lucky indeed :D :D :D

I tried my best to organize this time, because marks are deducted for incoherence - and I have a tendency to ramble and go off tangent. BUT ZOMG GIFT QUESTION! *muchly love*

The comprehension was sleepy. Or at least, I was really sleepy. Tried to be careful, did my summary only twice and thankfully the passage wasn't on Tom Wolfe or worse, Thus Said Zarathusra. In my honest opinion, there's really no point in giving an abstract, almost conceptually philosophizing passage as a comprehension test. That kind of thing should be reserved for Lit papers where you can comment and infer all you like without the troublesome problem of solving "What Does the Phrase Mean?" questions.

This time was pretty good; about work! :D Even better was that Passage 2 was something I've read before (thank you Kinokuniya!) so I didn't worry too much about my AQ, except that I had so much to write that my handwriting degenerated into illegible mush by the 5th paragraph.
But they're Lit teachers right? Lousy handwriting for all.

Art exam sucked.
Mental breakdown 3/4 of the way through.
URGH URGH URGH.
*disgruntled*
Must remember to practice before exam next time.

But I really liked my prep work (except that it was better than the final piece)

Went out with Brendan and Pinkie to Orchard. Apparently, Brendan is going out with Vanessa (the Vandastratum one) o.O;;;;;; okayyyyyyy he can appreciate her. And then Brendan agreed to let me doll him up for Rockerfella. XD XD XD Prep school look! *sighs* The only thing missing was the school-boy shorts but he agreed to wear shorter pants so his socks would show. *sadness* Well.......at least he'll get eyeliner, painted b/w fingernails, lip gloss, mascara and a nice prep school tie! xD xD

And I'm thinking of getting some revenge back on Gabriel :x
Apparently, he's a lot like Mon in one aspect.
*koffscaredofPINK!koff*

If you get what I mean :P
Like............y'know.

*giggles*
I'm wondering if co-host no.2 Edwin would be interested in getting back at him too.
It would be SO WORTH IT okay?

So anyway, going out with Sakky tomorrow to start the Get-Back-On-Lucifer Gabriel.

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 08:22 p.m.+

And here we have the skipper, the bookback and bimbo extraordinaire

Sneaked my discman in and guess what's the first song I play? Black Box Recorder - Child Psychology

I guess I'm just emo-ing lately.
*emooooooooooooooos*

I keep thinking of strawberries. Plastic flavoured strawberries like fingernail polish, all shiny and smooth and hard and pretty like candy - like nails. And then with the aimlessness of a naked eye, I think fondly of the word plastic - the moldable "p" and the hard "c" - a little hard, a little soft and shapeless but candy colours all the same. Bright. Pink. Plastic.

put the words in my mouth for me
then i won't have to kiss to tell you.

Skipped CL B today for no other reason other than a severe dislike of the teacher coupled with an innate dissatisfaction to study - the pointlessness just kills me.

caught you crying now
holding the jacket like a
pillow. saw you sitting there
sitting in the dark. the flowers
on your feet; tulips and tulips
scattered flutters.

promise to let it
grow.
cos you're never be
alone

-the one i love.-

I don't feel more than blue-grey. Bluegrey like the colour of dusty chalk, the shade that counts of concrete walks and slate-blue days, days that shiver and moan with the rising tide of deary love, until it fades like blue tissue paper - straight back into the lacy nothingness of grey.

I wore my fluffy jacket today.
I needed the protection.

*has an intimate relationship with her fluffy black jacket and fluffy blue cat-case*

Fell like sewing bunny ears on to my jacket.
Bunny ears on my jacket......like enemien bunny ears.
w00t.

the nightsky shivers for intensity
quivering stars scattered into infinity
that we know; but don't try to know
to be happy in the endless sea of stars

I'm not sure why I'm blogging now, vaguely aware that blogging twice a day isn't exactly wholesome - but do I care? Nah.

these lovely bones of mine
the stories that spin out from skin to skin
the fantasy enacted on faces, seen and unseen
tell me my lovely bones
who made you and why?

Somehow the line "I made my bones" remind me of Alex Garland's ending to The Beach. "I carry a lot of scars. I like the sound of that. I carry a lot of scars." LOL. I suppose it's funny. Or not. Anyway it's my pregorative isn't it? All this cheem language of sidesweeping and sidestepping, to hide behind the obscurities of this, that and then agains dodging the blinding glares of those persistently metaphysical thoughts on logocentrism.

*thinks pillows*

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 02:36 p.m.+

When Bad Things happen to Good People

Amount of things lost today:
-handphone
-my kitty pencil case ;_;
-paintbrushes
-Art prep work
-PE shirt + shorts
-2 jrock magazines
-1 Lit essay
-pencils, erasers and my n00 fountain pen

Thankfully everything was rescued.
*thanks Marie, the tuition teacher and school librarian*

I would've been sad without my kittycat~
His name is Pillow btw~ <3<3<3
Just right for lecture, just right for me.

:D

Econs tuition is nice - however, this means that now on Thursdays I'll have to go for tuition and reach home at 10.30ish (place is Bishan) The great thing is that the people are cool, and I like them. Brendan, Jared, Graham, Christine, Jeremy are not only friendly, but really interesting as well.

The candy rocks too xD xD xD
FREE CANDY IS LOVE!<3

lovelove~
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 11:38 p.m.+

do you do you *bampbampbamp*

Listening to: Dare - Gorillaz (in my head)

Library is quiet.
Just tapping keys.
Forgot to add new batteries to my discman again, so I'music-less for the time being.

Changed my A level project to Escapism - mainly cos I'm really good at it (in more ways than one) and also because of copycats. Planning to keep it under wraps to prevent futher problems. *sighs* Why are people so difficult?

Gabriel didn't come to school today so I saw no point in apologizing. Anyway, I'll just do it tomorrow and go back to my wonderful blue cocoon of "cannottouchness" I suppose it's really unhealthy to keep distancing myself from relationships - but honestly I don't really need one. I have sakky to go shopping with, my sis to play science with, school to suck up my time, family to cause angst and audy to be there - why do I need one anyway? My pillow, blanklet and bolster are good enough. Warm body? I sleep with my mom every night.

*blase-detachness*
Besides, I can sense trouble from a mile away.

The REALLY FUNNY thing about the entire incident is that he's in the same class as Johor-boy. *dies laughing* AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH....Will ironies ever cease? Okay that was really funny but really mean too. Shall not laugh but giggle bimbotically.

*giggles*

Econs sucks to the point that I've decided to go for tuition. Joining Graham, Darryl and a few other people who recommended this tuition center with this guy whose apparently very funny. That's good - cos my Econs is crap and if I fail it 3 times in a row I'll have to drop my S paper which sucks cos damnit, I worked my arse off for it (even though it looks like I'm sleeping 3/4 of the time)

Btw, Mrs Sng's face was tremendously funny today.
She gave me this look: "WTF do you know Gabriel for?"
Combined with this old-woman curiousity which is peculiarly fascinating. Then when I grabbed Gloria's arm and told her to gossip she gave me this "Please don't have such bad taste" look AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

If it's possible, I almost feel like doing it to spite her.

But of course not.
tsu be good! tsu be good and do homework and smile :D!

I think my joy in life is not so much reading books, but playing bimbo to the highest extent. The hilarity that results from a combination of sak-influenced cuteness and ribbons, plus a perchant for New Paper (ahahah the only papers I read), girly magazines (WHITE! the New Black!) and plup fiction is just absolutely wonderful.

Somehow or other, I just can't believe I'm going to turn 18 next week. It's just so horrible. *clings to EGL* Noooooooooo! Infantilism!!!!!!!<3<3<3

Btw, anyone interested in catching Munich with me?

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 12:34 p.m.+

Fat Cat go to VET

School library again, I'm heading off to Tuas soon enough, then banking in my cheque.

*sighs*
Just very tired and drained lately
I just feel like I have so many things to do and can never finish them. Sometimes I wonder if it's a good idea to take up S paper Lit (however much I love it) and Rockerfella. But I think it's not so much work that bothers me, but people.

First I have Gaberiel-problem, now I have Mindy-problem. Remember the art-copycat/stalker? I give in. I'm changing my A level project and keeping it under wraps simply because I'm annoyed already. It just feels so used y'know? Cos she was so nice to me and all. *feels taken advantage of* And I'm pretty open about things - I like to ask what people to and share ideas because I believe that hoarding ideas is pointless anyway. But -balant- copying is irksome and I don't like it at all.

And so by Thursday I have to submit an entirely new project.

*dies*

At the same time, next week is also the start of common tests - and I haven't even revised yet. My entire Keynes' Theory of Income Determination is half-assed, I haven't even TOUCHED the past year's work (dear god....Market Failure and Labour!) and I know they'll be tested and somehow or other, I'll end up disappointng people again. My Glass Menagerie results were abysmal okay? 26/30. It's like URK NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Considering it's my best subject, it's really crappy that I did so badly. The only consolation is that my pract crit was a stable 30/50. I've just started on S paper work. While it's fun, it's superduperly draining to the point that I've decided to do easy stuff like Ray Bradbury and Roald Dahl. Rationale - wins over everytime.

Let's not even start on Econs......
Just know that my teacher is insane and I'm looking for a tutor.

And with th "birthday drama" approaching - It's just unbelievable how bad the timing is. Screw mom. Screw grandma. They're all insane anyway. Insane with greed and money that is.

The only thing that's keeping me is sleep. I count the hours, watch the clock and eye the minutes. I just want it over and done with - so can sink into somewhere else for a while. Escapist? Definitely. March holidays is my only reaso for existance right now.

And the worst news is that I might be really really sick
My doctor just referred me to a friggin' cardiologist
You know how scary is that?

"We don't know what's wrong with you."
Like a death sentance looming.
And y'know what? I want to die - but I want to die before 30 and after I've had sex and taken over the world. Not now. Not so pointlessly.

However, like everyone says:
suck it up.

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 01:47 p.m.+

It's just monday and I'm like blah

It's just monday and I'm like bah

I keep thinking until I can't sleep, and even as I close my eyes I still think - worrying about tomorrow, worrying about homework, worrying about things to say things to do things I should keep quiet about except in the darkest part of my mind. Then as I wake up to another day - I wonder which is worse: to be awake the entire night or to be asleep the entire day?

It seems to pass like a deary fog and it's only 8.55am (dear lord). The sky shines like a Jetstream lover I never had but I can't seem to feel anything besides a curious detachment that this is something beautiful. Like a vase, like a flower, like a modeste .......what difference does it make? So endless everything is - I can't help but wonder if I'm even awake.

So for the first time in 2 years I'm back to coffee again - icy sharp bitter like a heady dose of unmigated poison that saturates until it hurts. The taste of watermelon begins to taste like flesh - and I wonder if it's just the caffine mingled with sweetness that makes it so metallic like blood - like crunchy flesh - so red and smooshy. I could walk on steaming soil and feel the same bloodheat.

To sleep is a glorious thing
The most legalized escape in the world.
You need it, I need it, nature dictates it
Unfortunately it has eluded me so far in it

I think I'll just concuss tonight
Might not be online

Love (on a monday morning)
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 08:52 a.m.+

And we all think in terms of ..............

I believe that having a sense of humour becomes a nessescity when you wake up in the morning to find yourself in midst of what is ugly to the extremity.

Case to point:

-Grandma arrives house at 1pm bearing gift for my sis
-gift turns out to be a MICKEY MOUSE bracelet
-my mom begins to heckle
-and shows my grandma a DIAMOND bracelet as something benefitting a 16 year old.

*stunned slience*

Okay guys, which d'you think was funnier?

My stingy grandmother who wasted the money my dad gave to buy us presents, whose ignorance is compounded by her bullish attitude and the problably the closest to an anthromorphic personification of Parismony? (that means miserliness you un-Lit people)

My mother who's naked greed is so open that she can't even mask her excitement despite the fact that the gift didn't belong to her, who is so unintentional in her gold-digging that she feels absolutely no shame; like a carciature of selfwants?

<--------- is terribly amused.

I suppose it's weird, but all I can think/feel is how funny it is.

And in the end, it's not so much how weirdly detached am I from this, but how nessescary that I be. In a way, it's a signal that "oooh yeah! tsu has adapted to the point of nonclemenclare!"

Rushing homework.
But I have no attitude for it.
I just don't feel like studying.

I suppose it's a really pathetic excuse that my enviroment has bothered me lately and despite all rationality (ie. "I have TESTS! Must go ON!") It does bother me. It bothers me enough that I get distracted and my usual standard of work falls - not too much, but enough for the teachers to notice.

*is bothered*
Isn't it ironic that I'm bothered that I'm bothered?

I'm really worried about A levels.
I don't think people realized what's really at stake here.

It's terrifying.
Absolutely terrifying.

*sighs*
If you live in SG
If you're staying through
If you're planning on Uni
This is what I suggest you do:

Send your cute child to IB

Trust me on this.

No point going JC - unless you're an overall achiever
No point going Art school - because the teachers suck.
No point going to Poly - the odds of getting into Uni are against you.

love (and luck)
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 11:13 p.m.+

..............wtv

Let's see, went out with audy to kino, read Tintin and Asterix, met up with mom, bought a new (nessescary) bag simply because it's a nuisance to keep transferring my school books into a paperbag every saturday to empty my bag for going out. And I got it at a reasonably cheap price of $25 too ^^ A little washing, some ribboning and it'll be nice and spankily tsu-ish (make it purple/blue/green!)

Btw, I found EGL parasols going at $99 each at Isetan. Yes, they have lace and it comes in pink too xD

If there's something that terribly pisses me off into of all things, shouting (urgh how uncool) is when other people start screaming hysterically with tears streaming down yelling about how "I FEEL!!!!!!!!!!!" It just seems like the ultimate wallowing of self-pity. I don't mind it if people rant on their blog, or do their wallowing in private but I can't stand it when other people act in such a melodramatic OprahWinfrey manner.

Like today.

My grandmother (the icky one) invited all 3 of us out for lunch to give us our birthday presents for the first time in 100000000000 years Logically, you go for it right? Noooooo. My sister with her "WHAT ABOUT ME!?" attitude turns it down in the most outrageously unreasonable manner which includes having spittle on my shirt (ew. disgusting)

Let's do it in a rational manner shall we?

Why not to go
1. She's a crazy old woman who is extremely annoying.

2. She plays a hard and fast favouritism game with my brother on the top, my cousins second and us last.

3.It's an absolute waste of time

Why to go
1. She's your grandmother. No matter what, she's *STILL* older than you, and *STILL* biologically related to you. It's called basic human courtesy

2. She's bought you things before (admit it, you used her too) and whether or not you have a conscience is debatable, but whatever it is, kramatically you owe her one.

3. She made time for you to bring your presents and buy you lunch. Look. Everyone is busy. I'm busy, you're busy, she's problably busy too. By saying that "I don't have time for that" you're saying that your time is more important than someone else's, and that you're better than her.

4. There's absolutely nothing to lose by going. At the end of the day, you made an old lady happy. Even if she's senile, even if she's mean and evil and ignores you it doesn't mean that you should sink to her level of disgusting-ness. I mean, you wouldn't want to grow up like her right?

Conclusion: There are many things is life which suck, but like everyone else, SUCK IT UP. I don't personally enjoy going to school, but I go anyway. I don't particularly like being alive either, but I've so far resisted the urge to jump off OCBC bank. To reinstate: So fucking what? Your life miserable? SUCK IT UP. At the end of the day no one's going to listen to excuses, and no one's really going to care. What people want are results.

Take work for example. You've had a bad day, your dog died, you missed the bus, your hair is fuzzy, your boyfriend doesn't call, it starts to rain and you have no umbrella and tomorrow is the deadline for sales and you haven't even reached the sales target. Come tomorrow and you explain the ENTIRE DAY to your boss and they'll ask you: "What about the sales?"

SUCK IT UP. Life sucks. We all know that already.

So just go for the damned thing, not like she's planning to posion you.

-----------------------

Now to deal with part two: Assumptions.

Assumption 1#: YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE IGNORED!"

I beg to differ. The easiest example with be at home. Don't you think I feel ignored when you and kor are so wunnerfully buddy-buddy with each other? It's REALLY GREAT y'know, to have siblings like you two who hug each other and (most likely) whine to each other about how "mom always pays attention to tsu!" Not knowing that she does it because you two are so absorbed in each other's lives.

Not to mention I -never- asked for it.

...........

You know what? In the end, I really don't give a fuck.

Next year I'll be overseas and far away from my family anyway.

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 09:08 p.m.+

December is a good month to wish for

I'm just so tired lately.

Just so drained from being around people I generally dislike and having to still climb through one whole shitpile of work. It's not that I dislike everyone either, but there comes a limit when I'm just irritated at everyone - just irritated enough to snap and be cranky and twitchy as hell. To date, I'll say that I snapped at Steffi, Gloria, Solikin, Alex, Angie and Graham. *twitches* And I'm not usually so snappish or intentionally cutting.

*has unbecoming thoughts on revenge*

Argh......I'm just waiting for school to end and give me back my term break. I look dead, I sound dead and I feel dead most of the time that I just can't study or concentrate. And it's nothing external - nothing to do with how I socialise with people in general. I suppose it's strange to some people that I want them to just leave me alone and not bother me. I just want to think and sulk at one corner until I'm sick of pouting.

This is all with the exception of audy of course.
*shoves everyone else away* GO AWAY.
And YES. I mean YOU.

Take Wednesday, I was just so tired of the JC1s y'know? *sighs* Didn't listen, didn't do anything - this cca isn't just for you to talk and play and have fun......We have things to cover as well and I'm tired of trying to talk over their voices and make them pay attention just for 5 mins. I was so pissed off I just left early for art class. And then I called audy but I guess I was just too annoyed to explain and her detachment just made me oversensitively hyper.

ARGH ARGH ARGH ARGH ARGH ARGH.

Doesn't help that today I had an econs test in which I will definitly flunk because I didn't have a fuckin' clue that there was a DRQ test today. Considering we just had an essay test last week, and a Common Test next week, you would think that this week was didn't have a test right? *dies* And as usual, mom blames me for not knowing. Together: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Art test today was okay, Mindy freaks me a little because she's always looking over my shoulder >_>;;; She freaks me out even more when I see her COPYING my work >_>;;; And FUCKIT! She's doing Art Noveau for A levels as well! Nuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!! *dies* *STABS* Hate copycats! Go find your own ideas and stop copying mine by being a syncopathic flatterer!

"your drawing is do nice....."
"so detailed and expressive..."
[subtext: can I copy?]

ARGH NO! GO GET YOUR OWN IDEAS!

Anyway Xiao An (waiii...does he ever smile?) told me that I'm one of the 3 emcees for Rockerfella. Other 2 people are Edwin and Gaberiel. Which means I'll be the ONLY female MC o.O;;;;;;;; wonder why......

Oh well, I like Gaberiel (from my first impression) and if Edwin is equally wacky we'll make a good combo. PLUS! I get to wear my spanking new green/blue/black tartan dress!<3~!

*zonks* one of the few things to look forward to....

I don't understand/never understand why people laugh even when I tell them it's serious and I don't find it funny. They just pat my head, give this stupid vacous smile and giggle. God. That just so pisses me off.

Sometimes I wish I could just scream loudly forever and ever and not feel so hopelessly frustrated at the ineptitude of people.

Insensitive, inept, inherently useless vacous people.

ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH

Meme from Sakky to cool off. ;_____; myuuuuuuuuuuuuu
I hate ugly peoplessss

-------

1.What time did you get up this morning?
When my mom starts shaking me up and turns on the hairdryer about 6.45am.

2. Diamonds or Pearls?
Neither. :P I like sapphires best

3. What was the last movie you saw in the theater?
Pride and Prejudice with sis ^^v

4. What is your favorite TV show?
Umm...Project Runway, 4400 and anything off Travel&Living

5. What did you have for breakfast this morning?
Um.....good question. I don't eat breakfast.

6. What is your middle name?
tsu :D

7. What is your favorite cuisine?
Eggs. Umm.....and dessert.

8. What foods do you dislike?
Anything involving raw tomatoes, carrots, capscicum and banannas.

9. Your favorite Potato chip?
ZOMG. I don't like them.

10. What is your favorite CD at the moment?
Stoning songs - Radiohead

11. What kind of car do you drive?
XD XD Subaru - okay private joke, I don't drive.

12. Favorite sandwich?
Egg sandwhich! And Subway's cold cut trio ^^

13. What characteristics do you *dislike*?
Copycats and people who are overnoisy and chirpy in the morning.

14. What are your favorite clothes?
My 20+ skirts <3~ especially the fluffy circle skirts

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
Really want to go Bhutan with sis, PhiPhi Island with Phiryn and Tokyo with Sak~

16. What color is your bathroom?
Blueeeeeeee~~~~~~ has fishy pattern on the toilet seat too!

17. Favorite brand of clothing?
EGL-wise I really like Putumayo, MAM and Victorian Maiden stuff. Stuff I usually wear I like MILK shirts and skirts from Zara, MNG and small shops along Isetan. Expensive stuff I like Roche, Oscar de la Renta, Atsuro Tamaya, Alexander McQueen, Valentino (sho pretty!) and Yves Saint Laurent

18. Where would you want to retire?
Somewhere in the Carribean.

19. Favorite time of day?
Sunset time = end of school day = go home and nap!:D

20. Where were you born?
Inside a hospital ward~

21. Favorite sport to watch?
Figure Skating (pair) and Synchronized swimming
22. Who do you least expect to send this back?
No one~

23. Who will be the first to respond?
dunno.

24. Coke or Pepsi?
:x Ice Milk Tea.

25. Are you a morning person or night owl?
I like sleeping :D

26. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with everyone?
My birthday is coming~e.e;;; one year older to be...

27. What did you want to be when you were little?
A runaway that lived underneath a tree in the middle of a forest xD

28. What is your best childhood memory?
Swimming together with sis after school. We'll pull the poolchairs close together and slide off them until the security guard scolded us and do crazy stunts in the water.

29. What are the different jobs you have had in your life?
Q/C inspection, receptionist, data entry for Incoming, data entry for A/C debit, mosiac gallery asst. artist, canvassing for Starhub, shop floor retail for Club 21 and comission painter.

30. Nicknames:
>tsu, tsutsu, tsu-thing, tsubaki.

31. Number and location of piercings?
Noooooooooooneeeeeeeeeeee >_>paaaaaaaaaain

32. Eye Color?
Brown-black

33. Ever been to Africa?
Nooooooooooo except on TV

34. Ever been toilet papering?
What's that?

35. Been in a car accident?
About 2-ish or 3

36. Favorite day of the week?
I <3 SATURDAYS!!!!!!!!!!!

37. Favorite restaurant?
French Laundry by Thomas Keller xD xD And El Bulli by Ferran Adria!

38. Favorite flower?
tsubaki (camellia, red please) and white roses (the scottish thick ones)

39. Favorite ice cream?
Pistachioooo with chocolate~~~~*_*


40. Favorite fast food restaurant?
MOOOOS <3

41. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Kinokuniya!!!!!!!

42. Bedtime: ANYTIME :D :D

43. Who are you most curious about their responses to this questionnaire?
People that I know of.

44. Last person you went to dinner with? Dad, last Saturday, Pine Tree club.

45. What are you listening to right now?
tsu go and sleeeeeeeeeeeep

46. What is your favorite color?
All sorts of greys, turquoise, violet and every colour of sunset :P

------------

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 10:22 p.m.+

A Long Day's Journey into Twlight

Listening to: whirring of school library

You can't bring music into the library apparently *sighs* But at you can enjoy the aircon and relative peace. Not bad, though my fingers are freezing right now. Quite sad that I didn't get to download any movies yesterday, and I really do want a copy of Neverending Story. *sighs* Ah well.

Valentines' Day started with a blast of sugar - I have more candy, chocolate and cookies that I could eat on my own (seriously, I had TWO BAGS worth of it) so I decided that I would spread the love (and calories) by giving away some of the candy/chocolate that people gave me to OTHER people which I originally didn't plan to give (ie. random teachers, students whom I bumped with at the corridor) Hyper 3/4 of the time because I was so jacked up on sugar - the buttercookies and brownies just pwnzed me. Rushed my Glass Menargerie essay (idiot tsu, left text in school) and cursed Fahy for being such a wuss, and that all his kids would be wusses and that this essay had to be my absolutely WORST ever. I haven't bullshitted so much since Sec3 when Mrs Vincent taught us so wonderfully that I flunked my first Lit test.

My conclusion was pretty much a "pass" though, so I think I could problably scrap though with a 28/29.

Had MORE sugar, called audy, giggled with Graham over his date cos ahahahahaha....I'm a matchmaker! Anyway the girl accepted him, so I'm quite happy for him. ^-^ More cookies of the butter sort *dies* Then Gloria and Steffi invited me out for Turkish food at Anatolia ^-^

Had donor sandwhich, salad and raspberry 7-up, which is the fizzy pink stuff that is both artifically flavoured and artifically coloured xD xD xD Bought a placating gift for the chinese teacher cos we were 30mins late for class (that's the maximum lateness you can be for a class I think, anymore than that and they report you to the discipline master) Got slightly annoyed at people, sat through Chinese then went for the Rockerfellaskank auditions for MC, with Xiao An as my auditioner.

Kinda fun! First question was a 2min speech on your interest, then a random question. Ahahaha....decided to talk about Chemistry which is the 3rd love of my life, and unfortunately not many of my friends like it. As far as I know, the only person who can talk chemistry with any ability is my sister and Jun (ex-tutor). Audy doesn't really like it, Gloria never studied it and Steffi, while triple-science, does not harbour secret hopes of making the first H+ bomb. Alex isn't so bad, so she's un-experimental. Her standard reply is: "that's so cool! Genius!" which is kinda freaky. Cos yea well, I don't really like being a genius. Even my classmates go a little nutty over my Lit results, which I assure you is perfectly normal and un-geniuslike.

*grouses* I'm just complaining aren't I?

Surprise topic was on oysters, which is good because I HATE them. So I yakked on how disgusting they were, how gross they were, how mucus-like it was to be slurping such a disgustingly alive object that looked vaguely sexualized and was twitching right in front of my face. Then I ended it with saying that it utterly traumatized me for the rest of my life and I still get recurring nightmares about it. ^-^ And I passed! Will be finding out whether I got through for not but they say I have a "very good chance". I hope Gaberiel (the angel) gets through too cos even though it was the first time I saw him yesterday, and spoke to him only once he would be a very good partner MC and we would be able to banter. xD xD matching chemistry!

---------

Mostly drowning in work today (Wednesday), nude class at night, so I won't be home till 11pm. Assignments: LDJ essay, GP essay on genetically modified foods, Econs Singapore PBL, Econs TYS 12.1 -12.7

*sighs*
Wishing it'll be over quick

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 01:41 p.m.+

eh......saladine days

Things tsu learnt
1. raw food is bad for you
2. undercooked steamboat leads to food poisoning
3. food poisoning means shitting
4. after many hours of shitting, you actually get used to the smell
5. I know EXACTLY how a overused yaoi toyboi feels like now.

ARGH I HATE STEAMBOAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Urgh I really should study but I can't seem to concentrate lately, my attention wanders even when I'm reading (gawd that's the worst) I dunno.........but it seems so deary that all I want to do is sink into puffyclouded wonderland and stare at EGL dresses and do my own things instead of study study study

And even though I'm so un-concentrative, I'm still accepting more and more work + assignments in school, even though I would rather do nothing and free up my time

Ahhhhhh well................

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 10:18 p.m.+

Wonderful Star Walk is W

Listening to: Katamari OST - Lonely Rolling Star

Katamari OST is muchly love! :D It's the best brand of listenable pop. Not too candylike, not too metallic, no screechy headache inducing songs, or most of all - I hate it when girls trill over notes and vibrato. Once is nice for effect, but not every frikkin note.

*stabs all choral, all capella, harmonizing, r&b-ers*

Why can't people sing cleanly for once? Clean is nice. Raw and clean is even nicer. Frills and trills are only nice on dresses, not music.

Left the house with mom to Plaza Sing, she went to Carrefour and I headed down to meet Sakky~ Zomg-ged over Spotlight sale and I GOT MY TARTAN MATERIAL TO MAKE MY DRESS!<3<3<3 How wonderfulness~~~~~~~~ It's dark blue and green and not too thin, so it's just nice~

^-^ small apples are nice to munch on sunnyside days.

Walked to Sunshine Plaza to find the shirt printer, then oooo-ed and ahhhhhh-ed over Gorgeous Carat at KKnM. ZOMG they're translating yaoi! *sparky eyes* Amazing~~~~~~ I hope they do Sliver Diamond as well, cos it's a wonderful series too.

Walked right into NAFA openhouse o.O and got discounts for artbooks at Popular Bras Basah....must not waste the oppotunity because artbooks are so expensive, and they're selling easels for $20 in aluminium frame. Walked even more down and went to Bugis street.

Bugis Village is a lot like a mini version of Takeshidono. Why? It's really crowded for one. It's so crowded that you're bumping elbows every few steps and there's so many shops it's wacky. They have a sex shop upstairs, a couple of cafes and most of all - gazillions upon gazillions bags, shoes, clothes shops all higgly-piddley about each other. Saw some EGL stuff, said hi to the guy where I bought my tartan skirt from (hey! he remembered me!). Most of the lace was really poor quality though (itchy raschel!) The nicest stuff we found was this really pretty BABY-esque headband with ribbon in pink and a meta-inspired coat.

Sakky went home cos of Okaa~ so I went to Bugis Junction to walk around a bit, then went to Toa Payoh to buy candy for Valentines' Day. Went home, took a nap cos my head hurt like hell after all the noise (I hate TV mobile.) Woke up just time for dinner (which was really good) and then went online only to see.......ZOMG MIRRORMASK IS UP FOR DOWNLOAD. *dies happy* Neil Gaiman + Dave McLean = LOVE<3. Which means I won't need to wait for the August release either.

Other items of interest: Rocky Horror Show, Citizen Kaine and my sis's show Thorn/Torn or something like that. Summer of Love sounds pretty interesting, and if Secret Garden is still up, I'll get it later.

.................I want an orangedie petticoat too! *whinewhine* Unfortunately they only have the itchy tulle version in SG *whinewhinewhine* Which means I have to make it or tailor it.

Tomorrow: write letters, finish art homework, finish econs TYS (damned be Ms Giam) and eat steamboat. Yum.

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 01:11 a.m.+

many splendid things

*turns red*
stop breathing
*turns blue*
stop thinking
*turns green*
and puke it all out.

Shall not whineth.

More S lit news. Classes start next week on Friday, 3pm. Oh great. Now I have no more excuse to skip CL B. *sighs* pon larh! But what for? Even if I skip I still have to go back.

So sickening....
The entire day was sickening.......

Fridays (evenweek ones) tend to be the worst because everyone is tired and sick of the week already. We just want to go hooooomeeeeee and not think about TYS or that Ms Giam is a biased *&#!@ or deal with irritating copycats or worry about stupid mundane things that build up and up until it seems so much more important than it really it.

Like today's break was terrible. It didn't help that Graham was strumming a frikkin guitar and playing the same verse OVER AND OVER again until I literally snapped at him. *dies* At least I apologized later. But it's like those string music - always lonely sounding and painfully tight seem to frustrate and annoy me (which is why I'll problably never learn the guitar). Even after listening to some stoner stuff - Radiohead, REM, New Order I was still jumpy. So I made some silly excuse to Mdm Daomo and said I'll be back in 5 mins.

I think she was surprised - usually I'm pretty cool and rational or if not, I exaggarate and overeact. It's fairly unusual to see me nervous and slightly frightened; so I guess that's why she let me off. Ran down to the grandstand and yelled random words for a bit until I got it out of my system (yell soundlessly, or better still, just look at the sky)

Slept during Lit class. Don't look so surprised. I never claimed to be studious.

Which brings me to the second thing. It's not easy for me to accept compliments, but it's just plain frikkin -strange- when someone begins to hate me simply because she thinks I'm some sort of genius.

Wong Tau Foo!!!?!?!

I didn't even know about this until a week or so ago, and apparently, it's been going on since last year. *gags* Jealousy I understand - but mindless hate and rumour spreading just because you think I'm some sort of genius? *disbelief* Look. I should be jealous of you. You're pretty, with nice legs and overall good in every subject. You can act and are waaay more popular than I am....so what gives?

Honestly though, I can empathize.
It's not a good feeling playing second fiddle (presumption or otherwise) to someone else. And it just so happens that most of her friends are overachievers, which makes her feel inadequate.

What I really don't get is the backstabbing. Okay you're envious so work harder. Or concentrate on your other talents. But I didn't do anything to you, so why complain to others about me?

Dunno. Problably ridicule is the only way she can feel secure.

--------------

Island Creamery is love. And Stanley is nice. Must remember to pitch a mango-pudding flavour icecream to him. Imagine: smooth creamy mango puree with cubes of pudding and a swirl of coconut. Sounds like a really good icecream flavour if you ask me.

Went home, watched funny/corny satircal flim called "But I'm a Cheerleader!" which is a cross between Not Another Teenage Movie and Clueless. Funny! Burned most of the stuff off, then watched "Spirited Away" again cos Haku/Kohaku roxxors, and so does Studio Ghibli even if Howl and Kohaku look freakily alike. And the No-Face is cool!

Wanted to watch Hamlet, but after a while I got lazy (re: 3mins) I hate Shakespeare okay? I hope none of my Literature teachers find out but I hate Shakespeare. He bores me. I'll read Samuel Beckett any other day (esp. Company!) Thinking of watching Edward Scissorhand during the weekend though~ Johnny Depp smexyness!

Going to EGL with sakky tomorrow because looking at pretty things is love. Looking at many pretty things is love. All frilly, ruffle-ly, pinky, sparky things~~~~~~

Hmn am sleepy.
Must bring movie tmr for sak.

PS. The URL is http://community.livejournal.com/iheartcinema/

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 12:01 a.m.+

one-liner.

people who do evil are lonely

*flips*
so true.

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 01:00 a.m.+

Zeng me

zeng my ride mannnnn

zeng = pimp

Napolean Dynamite is funny + unfunny.
It's unfunny because Napolean reminds me of a typical American whiner. It's funny because he's such a loser it's unbelievable. ( do people actually speak like that?)

The best thing about this movie is the OST. ZOMG! FOREVER YOUNG IS LOVE.

Burned most of my stuff to open harddisk space. Waiting for Brokeback Mountain to be uploaded, leeched off some really great stuff : Elephant, History of Violence, The Beat my Heart Skipped, Edward Scissorhand...etc Planning to upload some for them as well in exchange for The Return, The Reflective Skin and Napoli: Hitler's Youth.

Kinda sad that Geraint didn't get into S Lit. It's not that I don't like Alex or Izyanti. They're great people but WAY OVERACHIEVER. Like.....the entire S lit class is filled with smart overachievers who speak perfect English 24/7, debate about this and that and get high high HIGH marks. And it feels kinda weird because I'm not an overachiever, I speak whatever I like and enjoy bulldozing grammer and my marks are abysmal.

And Geraint and I like comics, don't think too deeply unless nessescary and not planning on scholarship.

----------

Art was fun~ played with pastels, wrecked a drawing and built a paper gulliontine. xD xD Okay, I just unwrapped the gulliontine. It's A NEW PAPER SLICER. So cool! It's so cool it's unbelievably cool! *gaspjoyjoyjoy* So sexy red and shiny shiny. Me likesssss~

Kinda pissed that someone copied my A level theme. Doing decadance. Fucking hell. THAT'S MY PROPOSAL DAMNIT. You know what really pisses me off? I thought she was a friend. Not only that, I thought that we were above all these kinds of shit - considering we were the only students doing Art and we were sharing the bad days + long hours. Really disappointing. The worst is that she's not only doing decadance, she's doing art noveau style.

*cries*
;_______________;
I HATE COPYCATS KTHXBAI.

I'm going to stop divulging information to others. Shikata nai Too bad. The last time I lent someone my Lit notes she photocopied them and passed them off as hers. Then now there's this idea-stealer. And then Graham using my themes for his frikkin BNW essay. I'm pissed off okay? I don't care if you're failing, I don't care if you're crying - I'm not going to help you because I don't trust you people anymore. And I'm quite sick of being used.

So even on my blog, I'm going to start a little codec-censorship.

Talking about today, Josephine wasn't in school, the new seating arrangement sucks and Angie was really kind to me. Sometimes I feel sorry for her cos she's so alienated by other people's glamour which she never asked for, Lonely at the mountain top and all.....so yeah, she's nice, I'm nice and we get along fine despite our overall opposite-ness.

I suppose it's not so much our abilities that matter, but whether our personalities match. We don't even believe in the same things : she believes strongly in family, and I believe in aesthetics. But we're both quiet-ish people who like simple fun, hate clubbing and competitive people which is what matters in the end I guess.

Or you could just blame it all on astrology. xD hee~

But today it was as though our extreme differences and strange likeness came out at once.

Anyway, I was running 2.4km today and if you know me, I'm problably the worst runner in the world. My timing is 21mins while everyone else's (even the failed) hovers around 18-16mins. It's a combination of poor fitness and medical disorder but whatever the reason - I'm a lousy runner. Now Angie is a different case. She's not only a school track runner, she's a school MARATHON runner and has participated (and won) gold medals for endurance runs.

And she decided to pace me. Pacing btw, is simply running with a person to regulate the speed.

Around the 5th round I was tired and about to die and then I took a good look at her - and she wasn't even breaking a sweat. And it was that instant that I realized I could really call her a friend - not because she sends me sms when I'm sick, or we swap notes for Lit, but because she was intentionally running below her actual speed in order to pace me, and ensure I finished the run even at the expense of herself.

And her speciality is running.
For someone to do that for me, is very very kind.
Because it was something she was best at, and she took the effort to not only run with me, but to run at my speed.

*appreciates*

I think it's small things like that which I really appreciate - not the grandiousity of a unfufillable promise, but simple stuff like lending me 55cent bus fare (thanks Gloria) or running or keeping my homework when I'm sick or asking if I'm unhappy (thanks Jiaxiang) or sharing econs notes (thanks Graham) or giving me a hug (thanks Pinkie and Jo). I'm not really looking for promised gifts which never appear (like people who promised me roses, airplanes and eternal love) but just simple stuff.

Don't sweat it yea?

Don't sweat it.

I hope Steffi is okay cos she was a little down today. I hope Gloria is okay, because sometimes I fear for her safety. I hope Rachel Koh is okay, because she knows far too much. I hope Angie is okay, because intellectualizing a problem doesn't make it go away. I wish Graham the best of luck, cos he just got a date on Valentines' day. I hope Jiaxiang is okay, cos I don't want him to fail A levels. I hope Jo is okay, cos she was sick. I hope Pinkie is okay, because she is confused. I hope Aya and Sakky are okay, cos O levels is stressfulhell. I hope mom is okay, cos she's only back tomorrow.

Lots of things to hope for
funny how it works
but even so, I believe:
Family and friendships come and go, but Aesthetics prevail.

I suppose audy is so busy she's forgotten again. Sometimes I get annoyed because she breaks promises so easily I can somewhat not believe what she says at times. Logic after all. How to believe what she says when she constantly breaks her word? But y'know. All people have faults. No point. shikata nai I'll just like her for what she is.

*squishs the urge to do something I'll regret*
*squishsquishsquish*

Anyway, will be going out with Sak this saturday. EGL window shopping!<3~

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 11:13 p.m.+

Excuse me miss, I think you have a concussion *conk*

Don't feel like listening to music.

Haven't played Katamari Damacy for weeks, nor slept for more than 5 hours a night, nor felt like I had any energy. It's not the tomatoes dear (because I ate them with my yong tau foo and went WongTauFoo!) It's simply: school.

I hate Tuesdays for many many many reasons.

For instance, yesterday I finished school at 5pm but I couldn't go home because it was Marie's birthday, and as her classmate, I had to attend her birthday dinner. So I went to Marche, which annoyed me a little because the food was je-lat; too rich and too creamy for my health-happy tastebuds. But y'know. Birthdays are special, or at least, supposed to be so I just went along with it.

Then at 7pm I left to go for Art class with Mr James because I haven't seen him in 2 weeks (which makes me sad) I didn't even bother going home first to change, I just went in my wunnerful Catholic school uniform (ARGH. PLASTIC).......and I finished at 10ish pm. Because my mom wasn't around to pick me up, I took a bus and got home at 11.30pm.

By the time I finished bathing and changing into sleeping wear, it was ELEVEN FOURTY-FIVE. *gag*

And it's crazy. I was so tired I just concussed and went to sleep - hair wet and all.

Today

Class up to 1pm, bumped into Gloria and we went for icecream cos it's her birthday~ I'm glad she likes her present though! :D 2-PIN PLUGS FOREVER! Felt a little terrible for not paying (erk tsu is poor) then had to rush back to (where else?) school by 3pm for Editorial.

It's not that I hate Editorial, or love it (which is so sad, considering I'm part of the commitee) it's simply that I want to see a job well done. I can't stand admin ineffiency, nor skimping - it's all or nothing. Finished running through the interview skills early, so I ended up doing what? Giving a lecture on philosophy.

Somewhere....I'm not really believing this.

Less than 1 minute into it and they were taking down notes as in ZOMG THEY'RE TAKING DOWN WHAT I'M SAYING! Not only was that surprising, it's even more surprising considering that 5mins earlier Steffi and I had such trouble trying to teach them interview-skills.

For the record: I'm not interested in teaching.

But they did enjoy it, and I didn't dislike it. I suppose I'm naturally passionate about whatever that catches my interest - be it philosophy, art or Katamari Damacy. And they're not stupid, which is why I don't mind. If I had to repeat what I say over and over (like what a teacher does) I'll just kill myself. See, that's the difference between me and a teacher. A teacher will guide you, but I won't. I'll clarify, define and summarize concetps but I'm not babysitting anyone to reading Existentialism.

I hope they don't expect me to do it all the time though... *grumbles* I'll get a sore throat talking for 2 hours non-stop.

--------------REASONS WHY I WILL NOT HAVE A LIFE----------

Yes I have no life, might not be online too. If you want to contact me, there's email and the telephone......Not that I'm being irritable or anything, I just can't seem to find the time OR energy to get online.

PS. handphone currently dead (erk erk) Will get it repaired by Sat.

PPS.if the day is not stated, please assume school hours from 7.30am to 5.30pm

Important Dates

11th feb - EGL outing with Sak (promised)
12th feb - Mom back from Sweden

14th feb - Rockafellerskank MC auditions (5.30pm, LT1) + art (7pm-10pm)
18th feb - Econs remedial (?to be clarified)
19th feb - steamboat reunion dinner

23rd feb - Sis's birthday
25th feb - Lunch with sis

[common test dates!!!]

27th feb - NE + GP 1&2 + Art
28th feb - CL "b" 1&2
1st mar - Lit 3,5 & 8
2nd mar - Econs 1,2&3

7th mar - Icecream after CLB at Island Creamery
10th mar - Kor's birthday
13th mar - TERM BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wish me good luck (and energy. Yep. ENERGY.)

love <3<3<3
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 10:18 p.m.+

Excuse me miss, I think you have a concussion *conk*

+tsu waited for you at 10:18 p.m.+

It's the itch

Listening to: Discovery Travel TV

Today was so long....skipped PE (pleaded diarrhea), ate my Yong Tau Foo (and didn't finish it cos I was too full)

But you're not interested in the day right?
If you're like me, you're more interested in the weather ^^

Cold Jetstream morning - arc of infinite blueness taking over the grey wolflighted dawn. Clouds like scattered polka dots, high above and unreachably pure and white - small puffs untouched by shivering wind that makes you think of lifted fogs and mornings, lifted skies and blue; while walking cross the overhead bridge

Rained, shined, rained....too cold and too hot. Ever felt that? Too cold and yet too hot. Like you can't decide to wear a jacket or not. Windy though, lovely sparkling green wind that spirals wonderfully towards the sky.

After art, at 5pm eveningtime. The sunlight changed to my favourite kind - warm and glowly, shot through with gold highlights and dusty glitter that invoked long afternoons and languid evenings, of humming cicadas and heated daydreams....I love that kind of sunlight y'know? It feels like a blanket, warm and soft and sunshiney, and it's so happy that you can't help but smile and sing, as if you've suddenly fallen into a storybook world of fairytale dreams.

I need to learn how to ride a bike.
*pouts* 18....and I can't ride a 2-wheel bike.
Isn't that funny?

Feel like eating gafferes ;_;
sugaaaaaar~

Noooooooooo eat fruitsssssss! tsu be good and eat fruitssss! *resists*

I think the problem with knowing how to cook sometimes is that you can make whatever you like, and you have to resist it~

Finished more shading.....one day I'll just get sick of it and just splash paint. Like ARGH sometimes. And I forgot to bring my waterpencils and fixiative so I ended up just doing more pencilling.

Oh yeah:
I GOT INTO 'S'PAPER LIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:D

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 10:48 p.m.+

Induction

*squees*

NEW LAYOUT IN PINKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now what in the world could induce me to make a pink layout which looks like something that Sakky could've made in her pinkyscented dreams?

1. Too much depressing French Literature
2. Watching Shimotsuba no Monotogari
3. Shimmyshinyness of spring
4. Lack of san-x pictures
5. Scaring mon xD

So anyway, Kobato! It's a new series by Clamp which reads like Suki dakara suki with a CCSian spirit and a Young!Seishirou lookalike. Sometimes I think Clamp purposely created Tsubasa Chronicles just to revive Seishirou....the timeline is just way too coincidental. But Seishirou rulez, so what else is new?

Watching/watched a lot of movies, so I'll give a short, summarized review:

Kamikaze Girls: Shimotusba no Monotogari
It's a coming of age tale about a sweet lolita named Momoko, who has a loser father and a gangster grandmother who meets Osaka Kamikaze yakuza girl called Ichiko, who rides in a motorcycle group. They (sort of) become friends, and cabbages start raining from the sky, and pachinko parlours have Unicorn men and they walk together from railway tracks to cow poop pass the crossroads of heaven and hell.....

Okay it's just a wacked up Japanese movie.

Score: 9/10. THREE CHEERS FOR EGL DRESSES!

Sympathy for Lady Vengance
I've really wanted to watch it after seeing 3-Iron (another violent Korean movie). It's part of a revenge trilogy, starting with Sympathy for Mr Vengeance (2002) Old Boy (2004) and then Sympathy for Lady Vengeance (2006). It's a stunningly beautiful film, very......womanly. It's the kind of revenge that only a woman can come up with, so subtle and poisonous it is.

Imagine malice as a black vine that creeps and grows in deadly hearts, blooming the blood red flower of vengeance.

However, the pacing sucks, and while the meandering narrative is very much like how a woman thinks, it's -overly- meandering at times. But I must say, Lee Young Ae is a fantastic actress: her face is like a canvas painted withe emotions.

Rating: 7.5/10 (o.5 for the cool eyeshadow)

Total Eclispe

Originally I downloaded this movie because it saved me the trouble of reading through the entire biography of Paul Verlaine and Aurthur Rimbaud.

Anyway, the tale starts off when young 16 year old Aurthur Rimbaud meets 30 year old Paul Verlaine. Verlaine, also known as the founder of Aestheticism along with Baudelaire and Mallarme fell wildly in love with young genius Rimbaud. They began a love affair, Verlaine finally ditching his wife Mathilde to run off with Rimbaud. They hurt each other, they humilate each other, they run cross continents to escape each other.......only never being able to, even in death.

Dark - very dark - dark like noir, dark like insanity, dark like genius but so wonderfully beautiful that you can't help yourself even as Rimbaud stabs Verlaine, or Verlaine sets his wife on fire. (seriously, parts of this makes *me* cringe). I'll have to say that Leonardo DiCarpio makes a FANTASTIC Rimbaud. He even looks like the real Rimbaud. David Thwelis (Prof. Lupin of Harry Potter fame) is perfect as a foil to Rimbaud's wild genius - with soft eyes and desperate hands....you can literally -see- him breaking down into this wimpering snivelling man.

If you're like me, you'll problably end up crying buckets the moment the show ends.

Rating: 10/10 (gay sex with gorgeous men are a plus, so is good poetry)

other things besides movie watching

Met audy yesterday, then had dinner with dad. All very brief and non-commuicative. I don't know. Haven't had the chance to watch Napolean Dynamite and Hamlet either. *considers* Downloaded Hamlet so I won't need to read the damned book. I know it's weird but I don't like Shakespeare very much. Thinking of downloading Delicatessen as well, since it's about food and people and people and food and people food. :D Okay, bad pun.

I should just go watch Hamlet *sighs*
Homework movies are always less fun

Mom's leaving for Sweden tonight, so if Sak wants, Sak can drop tsu and aya a call and come over. We promise to study then watch Kamikaze girls and drool over EGL clothes muchly later. Besides, then tsu, aya and sak can leave for school together in the morning ne? :D

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 06:02 p.m.+