+shidare+______bloom of the lotus moon

in which I get addicted to...Handphones??!?!?!?!

*guiltily*
Remember I said I hated handphones?
I'm now a happy-addict of my n00 handphone
Like...YOU CAN PLAY SIMS ON IT! XD XD XD
(currently Shinya is Kao's best friend and Kao is hooking up with Kyo o.0)

The best thing about it is that you can take stupid photos LOOL Like umm...I have pictures of the toilet bowl upside down, clotheshanger, bookshelf, tartan patterns, empty streets, people having conversations (so stalker ne? like episonage!), phone booths....etc etc

I think I'll just save myself pain and buy a bloody camera.

Watched Napola yesterday which is the sickest but coolest film ever. The characters rock. The story rocks. It's not as docu-like as Downfall, but equally creepy. Starts out in spring, you meet Fiedrich which is this Aryan-looker with blue eyes and blond hair and well, it's cute. He makes friends with Albercht, the governer's son which is skinny, pale, blue-eyed too and writes poetry. Like.... *coughslashycough* You have boys in bunk beds trying to sneak into girls' toilets. You have boys exchanging lunchboxes and crack jokes . You have boys in school uniform trying to skip PE and not sleep in lectures. It kinda lulls you into a sense of "Hey it's not so bad, like an evil English boarding school."

Then the horror- the horror!

You realize it's war

They get sent to their first mission of capture escaped POWs and these poor poor kids are armed with guns and lost in the woods and then they think they're heroes when they shoot one of them down and it's kids! These kids just killed other children! And when they get back and feel sick at what they've done, everyone pretends nothing happened. Albercht goes hysterical (the poetry-writer remember?) and then one day, they have training in winter by the frozen lake and they have to swim under the ice, naked. One by one they slip into the hole, feel for the rope and swim to the other side.

It's Albercht's turn, he dives in and he swims and swim to the very edge of the hole and then he stops. Fiedrich starts screaming and he wipes away the snow to see Albercht under the ice, face staring back at him sadly as he slowly lets go of the rope and sinks into the darkness.....

It's like....he pressed his hand against the ice, both of them, like a last goodbye...

T____________T

It's so beautifully sick.
Then Albercht's father said something I remember
"Too weak. Too weak."
And then I thought, was it really weakness to die? To decide that you will no longer be used as a tool for war?

When does suicide become not suicide? But a heroic sacrifice?

-----------------

Will be online tonight
Pray for a layout change desu ne!

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 12:14 p.m.+

in which I get addicted to...Handphones??!?!?!?!

+tsu waited for you at 12:14 p.m.+

Addicted to Strange

Listening to: weird nonsensical music

*feels nonsensical*
Going to call aunty Iris tomorrow to ask for the carpenter's number ^-^ Already have the twinky box, so now I need the lights (Ikea), dowels (Art Friend) and gear box (can take apart from fan)

A sparky spinning carnival!

Sis was sad today, so I made lots of iJokes. For instance:

What did the ghost say to Apple?
Ans: iScream!

You: What is an iPuzzle?
PersonB: I dunno....
You: Exactly! I puzzle!:D :D

lame right?!?!?!?
I luff iJokes!
See like umm...
What did the Apple say to Eve when she fell from the Garden?
Ans: iPod!

xD xD xD xD xD
LAME-NESS!!!!!!!!
*becomes iCrippled*

------------

Slack day.
If I got any lazier, I'll be permanently horizontal
Don't feel like doing anything more than daydreaming

Flipping through my archives, I've realized that 3/4 of my ideas are amassed inside (implicitly/explicitly) which is kinda cool cos well I can use them later when I set up business with audy! Like iLove my iJokes! xD xD

Saw Dad, he looks the same. LOL. Honestly I won't be surprised if one day he drops off the face of this planet. I hardly ever see him. LOOL. He won't be back till like....2 months later anyway, stuck in China and all. Funny right?

Oh yeah, finally gave in to getting a handphone :P
But being a super-vain and aesthetically picky person
I picked the unreleased phone which has an mp3player!
Cool right??!?!
I can take pics, dl mp3s and surf the internet! *sparky*
Mom promised to get me a pretty matching cover too.

I have a huge KICK out of taking pictures though~
Waiii! I can take pics of errr....baobao!^^;;;!

Btw, I need a new layout nyaaaa~
Everyone has a new one except me!
Audy has one, sis has one....*pouts*
Thinkthinkthink!

Bought Tactics<3
HARUKA X KANTAROU IS LOVEEEEEEE

Seriously? Siriusly. :P

I'm not pretending to be happy
Don't worry deshou?
^_________________^
It's like..................
I understand now. Kinda. Understand more.
The whole His Dark Materials thing
lol...always a storybook desu ka?
I'm happy because I don't want to be sad
And I don't want to make people sad
Or take it out on others, because they don't deserve it
As they say : shikata na *shrug*
So must ganbatte kudasai right?

No matter how much I miss weird, funky, psychedelic days of the past, I have to live in the present right? Even though you're not here, you're here inside me; in the memory of beautiful things and beautiful days...like the song I sing dedicated to you and the rest of the world, the one that no one understands but you appreciate - that's good enough right? Cos we know that the future would be better

More pressing matters
Eh. Lemon for RFB. Upload Gaussian Blur.
NEW LAYOUT! for blog
I like the one at Pipedreams so I'm not changing that hah!

Thinking of getting a cheapskate non-digital camera lol
I'm such a anti-tech relic :P
So un-cyber, un-connected, arachiac
Don't bother asking for my HP no. cos I won't give it
Just a warning desu ne~ no harm done

List of people who can have my number:
Mom
Kor
Sis
Audy
Audy's mom (just in case she's late, sick or dead)

Unless you happen to be one of those above (don't bother trying an Imperio on me~) Don't ask. Really.

love *happyglompsquishuggle*
iTsu<3

+tsu waited for you at 12:28 a.m.+

Addicted to Strange

+tsu waited for you at 12:28 a.m.+

Pouring drippy trails

IT'S SEPTEMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*does a happy little dance*
Wooowhee! *tries to whistle*
How great is that?

SEPTEMBER IS BLUE! <3<3<3

Yesterday was fun *huggles auddy*
*squeesqueesquee*
I love you, y'know? ^-^
I do. Even though sometimes I'm grumpy and grounchy
and all the not-nice-things in the world
^-^ me luffs j00! *squishuggle*

Btw, I'm addicted to Tsubasa's [Strange Names]
LOOOOL
It's just so weirdly kitsch it's cute.

September~
Is just a step away from October Country
A waltz away from dark November
The season of - of blue
The blue of rains and cold drizzles
The blue of adieus and glass reflections
The blue of a gaussian blur.....

I -LIKE- September ^-^

Cold windy September

Methinks I should get a new layout while I still have the chance, because the moment I hit PromoExams I'll stick to the same thing till.....Mid-October.

Oh yeah!
I'll check the dates of the exhibition and send you guys invites okay? ^^

PS. Going out with dad tonight (wow! he didn't disappear off the face of the universe!) So. Might be late.

Mini-rant

Has anyone else been reading the newspapers lately?
And Times/Newsweek?

As they say: "There's something brewing in the streets of Gotham".

Anyway.
It's about well, oil

Basically our economies are going to slump tremendously because the world's most precious resource is being depleted faster than you can say KAZOOM. I'm not joking. All your plastic bags (now you wish you recycled huh?), most of your medication, all your jetplanes and cars. BAM. Useless. You can't run them without oil. And the most basic compoment in making plastic is butane.

*shakes head in disbelief*
You know what I find REALLY funny?

We knew about this.
We predicted it would happen.
We taught our students Geography so they won't waste their time on oil, and develop alternative products.

What gives?

What amazes me is that the largest Complain-case is none of than US of A. Now, USofA is guilty of many earthly crimes. It consitiutes for 75% emission of greenhouse gases, a Non-Member of the Kyoto Convention, the burner of most wildlife, the biggest mouth in consumerverse...etc etc.

And it's sad that even now
Even as they realize how absolutely futile it is to fight against the laws of universe ie. apples will fall, rainbows are optical disks of light etc
They STILL continue believing that the world - Nature itself- will fall on their feet.

Just to note, G.W Bush is the no.1 unbeliever of Gobal Warming.

Can you believe that man????!?!?!?
He doesn't believe that there is such thing as gobal warming

What an ass.

I'm -happy!- that oil is running out
I'm -happy!- that economies have to look for alt. sources.
I'm -happy!-

You know why?

Then you can stop progressing
Stop believing that Men are Gods
That Technology will be able to solve the crisis of Nature
And actually THINK before polluting
It's like the line that people keep on quoting
But they always forget the last line
Time and tide will wait for no man
Time and tide will never end

They just don't learn.
You have the sun, you have earth and the most natural of 4 elements
Why the schlock do you want to 'resort' to natural gas?
(which will run out in 60years' time)
Stupid right?
Better to just set up the infrastructure for clean energy, to install solar panels and hyrogen-combustives and do good for once, not for fame and glory or whatever, but for the future.

some people are just idiots

Good riddence.
I hope the aliens come and blast us into bitses.

[/end rant]

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 12:23 p.m.+

Triggerhappy

Went to school
Sulked.
Sulked.
Sulking + 1 = superhitcombo!
Dodged attack Go Orchard
Revive subway dinner
Piang Arcade lorz

One thousand one hundred reasons why you shouldn't go where you don't belong

Happy! *bangbangbang!

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 11:00 p.m.+

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Mooouuuuuu~~~~~~~~ *slumps on table*
Saxaphone and blues desu ne?
And stone cold whiskey like stone cold graves.
And roses that stare out of blue windows

Isn't amazing how a lone saxaphone can sound so sad?

Random time desu gaa....*falls over* Cheers! *gets drunk*

------------------
the falling snow - so cold - like ice
singing with a solo saxaphone
the real folk blues
memories that flood the senses
drowning in whiskey-flavoured tears days of distended flowers
spilling distended bellies
of distended guts
drowning, drown, drown again
into the nothingness
like the crimson of the red rose
that stares sorrowfully out of the window

*gets drunk*
I believe I'm the only person who can get drunk on saxaphones and glowling stills. Red and blue and grey and red and blue and grey and...

To knock knock knockin' on heaven's door~...

I should get changed. *sighs*
mou~....shikata nai....
*almost doesn't feel like seeing anyone*
I just feel like getting drunk okay?

on whiskey flavoured dreams
on bourbon flavoured love
and the sound of a solo saxaphone
naze naze naze ka

but they don't know again
and they string me along so selfishly
only to leave me again

into the final splattering finale of deadly []

love with an off-key melody
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 05:18 p.m.+

Static

Am watching Cowboy Bebop (again!)
It feels good to watch your old stuff ne~
Now if only I could figure where I left my Eva....
hmmnnn
Somehow I think my kor's friends took it
*pouts*

Since I have no school today
And by default, nothing to do
I'm watching anime. LOTS of it.
^____________________^
And Yoko Kanno does the music! How can I not like it?

Today's anime list:
Cowboy Bebop, Eva(if I can dig it up), Tactics, TRC, Bleach 19-47

Drippy weather
I like it.

It never fails to amaze me that in trying to hurt others, you end up hurting yourself.

Jazz rocks.

A stupid smile. :D

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 03:04 p.m.+

Racchindo

Life drawing class

Was so nervous, but the model was really nice (her name was Maria) and tried to make me feel comfortable cos it's my first time. Very professional actually. Polite and warm, but maintained distance. It's really tough being a model too, I realized. You need to be extremely fit to hold the poses (some which last 10mins long) and lots of 2min breaks inbetween (thank goodness)

Was on my feet most of the time, thankfully all the practices in measured drawing paid off because while my bum/boobs were a tad too big, at least I got most of the tonal structure and proportion right ^-^ Quite happy considering it was my first try. What amazes me is how tiring the whole thing is. Halfway into class and I was already dead tired. My arms ached from scrubbing the eraser and swinging charcoal. My eyes hurt from squinting and trying to see the lights/darks. My feet hurt from all the standing. But it's a good kind of pain y'know?

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Sucked muchly.
They didn't even maintain the spirit of the story.
I don't care if they're accurate to the last dot or not but the whole darn thing didn't even maintain the spirit of the story.
It rankles.
The story was about the spirit and wonder of childhood - a celebration of the imagination and the open-minded beauty of life - where's that? Why the forsaken story of Wonka's past? Why all that (unessescary) emotional baggage?

Where's the beauty?
Redemption....perhaps. But THAT WASN'T THE POINT! you see? It was just supposed to -celebrate- the wonderment of childhood, not the horrors of it.

If I wanted to see the horrors, I'll watch Philp Ridley.

More Other Things
[warning: 'massive whinage ahead']

Loneliness is an evil evil thing
It's just one step away from despair

It's almost as if I was three again, and everything was gone and I was alone in the room in the dark with a single light and a mocking mirror and there wasn't anyone - no one was awake, no one was around and that I wasn't a person - just a weightless noiseless thing

Abandoned.

I feel like that. Lost, deserted, forsaken.....take your pick. Like God suddenly decided that he didn't love me anymore. That I'm doomed to this. Fated. Whatever.

It's not nice anymore y'know?
I thought I could handle it //hack it//take in at both ends//merda//
I can't

I can't live like this; alone
It's killing me
It's like being back when I was younger
The terrible fear, the terrible thought:
Everyone is leaving me
And it just gets proven over and over again

It's so easy to just say "so go make friends." Do you have any idea how hard is it in practical reality? To make a connection with someone? I want to yell sometimes y'know? All that useless useless advice.

"Go make friends."

God. *dies*

I'm not Audrey Leong; I can't simply detach and make myself into different pieces and ignore what people say. I'm not Gloria Ho either, who is unfettered by emotional baggage and famiail responsiblities. I'm not Steffi or Rachel Koh or anyone else and I -can't- do it. I can't just make small talk and fake smiles and just "go with the flow". I can't compromise, and make a "halfway".

I'm looking for anyone
Anyone
Anyone who just has enough time to sit
to understand
to listen
completely, fully, wholly

Do you understand?

I won't give a halfway. I can't.
It will kill me
Like this whole thing with Gloria, Steffi, Audy - whoever
It's soul-destroying.

I feel like I'm being torn apart alive by influences - being slaughtered by beliefs. To love someone halfway - like what I'm doing now - is terrible. Do you know how it feels? It feels like a itch under your skin, it feels like doubt and bile rising, it feels like hell.

Because when you love halfway
When you care halfway
You're not here; you're not there
You don't have the luxury of detachment
You don't have the fullness of love
You just trapped
By the fact that you could lose all this any second
By the fact that it just -hurts- to know what you're losing out on.

Do you get it?
It's all or nothing.

the secret shape of things
sugata

*smiles bitterly*
I wish my parents told me that when they gave me my name.

Poetic justice ne?
To be the shape, the form - of matter
And here I am saying everything matters, even nothing
nothing matters too
Anti-space

And sometimes I think how can I miss having friends
If I never had one who actually considered me as one

I'm just a thing in the end
A useful, multipurpose product
A idea-machine - cheap labour

Terrible ain't it?
So economical.

And I tell you solemnly
Even after posting this entry
People will worry; but no one would call
No one.

Even if they do - it's because they're conscience pricked them

It's just sick.

According to Darwinian laws of evolution
I should be dead
Which is great anyway
Cos everyone wants me to die
Too whiny, too spoilt, too daydreamy - take your pick
I think "whiny" would be the most popular
Considering that's what my brother and audy would pick
Or maybe he'll pick spoilt.
Do you get it?
No?
It's okay
You know why it's okay?
Because I'm trying to find the fastest way to leave
Not just Singapore, here

Okay I'm leaving.

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 10:25 p.m.+

;____ ;

Watching AirTv = makes you cry
Watching AirOVA = makes you cry

It's so weirdly cliched YET! it makes you cry.
Like OMFG Misuzu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

K.

Will be watching Charlie and the Chocolate factory tonight.
Seeing Audy tomorrow (you promised na!)

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 03:18 p.m.+

mnmmnnnmmm *grumbles*

Listening: Pierrot

*sinks* tired desu ne...........I wish my brother would hurry up leave so I can give my nerves a rest. It's annoying. Like everytime I want to do work I can't because he wants to sleep, he's being grounchy....hell, even being in the same room as he is, is depressing.

Wednesday

Woke up earlier to fix finish the roses, forgot to label them in the end anyway. Went to school and got the freakiest shock in my life.

EVERYONE knows I like err.....*blank*
EVERYONE even him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WTF WTF WTF?!?!?!?
I just wanted to dig a hole in the ground and die of horror and embarassment because like OMGZ! HE KNOWS! You know how embarassing is it??!?!?!?!?!? *is pissed* I would've preferred doing it myself and not letting the rest of the universe know. So uh...scandalous y'know? *sighs* And the irritating thing is that the person who did it won't own up.

*has a sudden urge to beat up Angel Chang*
I know she did it damnit! ARGH ARGH ARGH

So horrifying desu ne
I haven't even sorted out my own feelings and already this kind of stuff is happening. Too fast. Waaaaaaaay too fast. I don't want to make anymore mistakes.

Thou shalt not relationship-jump like a bunny suicide

I don't know what to say or what to do anymore, so I just acted normal (hah!) and ignored. The truth is I want him to like me back but there's no way see? The more I think it through, the more impossible it feels.

What can I tell him? How do I start?
My family? My friends? Other things?
Even now I have difficulty telling audy things because there's no time and place for them, just like there's no time and place for me

Logically, it's not possible. He gets along well with CJC, he's one of them, the kind everyone knows and likes and popular with the students and -cool-. I'm like 6months into school and I still haven't settled in, a little off 3/4 of the time and so totally not-cool. People are already talking well...stuff...behind my back. I know y'know? I just pretend I don't.

Grow a thicker skin they say.
Wrong.
Just make sure you don't hear.

The truth is I care, and that the only way I can survive is by knocking people first before they hurt me because I can never manage that detachment nessescary against criticism. *withdraws* This has just turned into a large-scale fiasco.

Went back to IJ during break, it was nice to hear from the teachers'. I think you can only appreciate what you have when you're trapped in somewhere worse. I just feel so restlessly trapped inside CJC. If the school were to burn down, I'll feel nothing except pity that so much money was spent on it.

I don't really have friends there either.
Just aquaintances.
Even Gloria agrees that our friendship is nothing more than sheer convienence

Tired...

Went to Shi-Ki to pick up purple roses, ended up buying the pink-purple instead of the blue-purple cos the blue-purple looked a bit dead. Ah well. Bought canvas to start on mom's painting. Bought wooden box to start on audy's birthday present. Rushed home, changed and left for class.

One thousand one hundred reasons Why Art class rocks
-For 3 hours I stop thinking
-For 3 hours I don't care
-For 3 hours I stop worrying
-For 3 hours I'm in peace

Gave Mr James' the flowers and started on my painting. It's almost like routine already. Measure side, mark, draw. Measure canvas, mark, draw. Loose sketching with charcoal. Define lines. Spray fixer. Thinner + dark base; underpainting layer 1. Thinner + tint of dark base = underpainting layer 2. Thinner + rag = underpainting layer 3. Just do it over and over systmatically building tonal structure and watch the painting come alive.

LOL.
There are other tricks to make your painting look better of course Like one trick I use pretty often is to use the darkest shade of the opposite colour as shadow. Another one I find pretty useful is to use an underpaint slightly warmer than whatever colour. Like for yellows, my underpaint is usually Burnt Umber + Alazarin Crimson + Cadmium yellow to make a honey-tinted sepia. It's a really multi-purpose underpaint. I use it for everything from drawing skies to drawing trees to drawing people. It even works on drawing metal. How weird is that?

It works perfectly fine though.

It just feels good to know you did a great job, that you've done well. Like people who train for sports, it's the same thing in art. Okay I come home dead tired and paint splattered but I feel good because I've done a good job, not just because people say I did a good one. Like.....no matter how people praise you, in the end, self-satisfaction wins out.

Went home. Was hungry, sleepy and dirty and my *&^% kor had to nag me the moment I reached home. WTV. Look. I haven't even eaten dinner yet, it's 11pm in the night and the first thing you can tell me is not to dirty the floor with charcoal-stained feet? WTF.

Fixed roses. Went to sleep.

Wednesday

Woke up supersupersuper tired. Like every single muscle had decided to rebel against the abuse I put it through everyday because I like to hook my feet on the easel and croching over a canvas/drawing board to get the details right. Like crack!crack!crack! when I started to get up. Hyuuu~ I think I'm growing old! Wai!

Dunno how I managed to get to school without hitting anything. I was like uhhhhhhhh *sleepysleepysleepy* Kind of semi-human barely-awake status.

First thing in the morning I walk into class:
"Eh, he was sick yesterday not because he ponned school."
Tsu's reaction: "orh." *sink into chair stoned*

LOOOOL....and they call that "nonchalant." More like zombified-tiredness.

In a distant distant part of my un-tiredself I hope he's okay.

At that moment though, the only thing I truly desire is SLEEP.

Gave flowers to all the teachers. Meh. What can I say? Crowded, hot etc etc. The only day teachers feel not like slaves.

Went to Chinatown to visit aunty Iris who should be considered my teacher anyway. Anyone who has taught me something fundemental and important gets a flower too. After all, we all teach each other new things everyday, important things like patience, kindness, understanding....all that can't be taught in a classroom.

Oh yeah, audy you get one too. ^^ Murasaki bara!

She wasn't in so I waited and waited till I fell asleep on the front door. Amazing right? Smack in the middle of Pagoda street Chinatown too. LOL. All those tourists....I should've hung a signboard saying: "Specimen of an Overworked Typical SG Student" and have them all take photos.

Going to art class soon.
Decided to stay out as much as possible cos my brother is staying in.
I hate conflict.

Anyway, today's class is life-drawing. My first nude! How cool is that? Apparently it's a very muscular woman named Maria. *prepares paper* I got the cartradge paper just for today too. A 1.5 LOOOOL

Okay~ *glomps huggles and squishes to audy*

luff to all
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 05:06 p.m.+

mnmmnnnmmm *grumbles*

+tsu waited for you at 05:06 p.m.+

Pardon

Irritated.

RUSHED like crazy to school while carrying this huge hunk of canvas. Ended up not getting a taxi cos I figured I'll save the cash so -later- when I get back from the nursery I can take a cab.

School suXX0rs. What else can I say?

Good thing Econs was short cos the afternoon was so hot and drowsy I was halfway asleep. Put it plainly: totemo atsui desu! *fans self* I wish I had an Urahara fan...

Rushed home to collect art stuff only to have that @ss of an art teacher tell me that since I finished my coursework I didn't need to come so actually I wasted $5.10 buying the special grey paper and wasted ONE HOUR rushing back and forth. *sighs* Then Mrs Jasmine Tan wasn't in school today so even if I did finish all the drafts, she already left so *&^%$!!!! Summary: I ran back for nothing.

Left for the nursery to buy flowers for teachers' day. Bought 2 bunches of white roses and 1 bunch of red roses. *dislikes red* Mnnnmmm.....white roses ROCK. Took a taxi back because lagging 53 roses, 1 school bag, 1 art bag, 1 portfolio all the way from Thomson to Farrer isn't my idea of well...fun. ARGH. Sorted them into pails, added ice and panadol and then after a while they began to look happier ^^

Smells so wonderful ne~ Kaoru~

Was rudely awakened by my brother. >____> It's not that I don't like him, it's just that he just manages to spoil everything! Like shoo! *chases* It's irritating. Like today I have an econs assignment which I'm not doing yet because h e wants to sleep. I like doing my work late k? I think better at night. I want to watch TV too but I can't since he's *here*. Argh. Shoo. I don't care where you are just as long as you don't muck up everything.

Totemo totemo totemo daikirai desu!

Sorted out the flowers, tomorrow I'll be going IJ during break which is roughly 9am-ish. Decided to give Ms Chow in the end cos well......no one gave her/saw her and I think she's very hurt. So yeah. Why not?

Flowers' = Good Karma.

Called up Shi-Ki, which is my favourite florist to check on the purple roses. Got an extra one thrown in just for audy ^^v Pretty ne! They're like dusty rosepink + blue and I'll mix it with white for effect. Now is it that Mr James get the nicest stuff? Simply because I know that out of everyone, he'll appreciate it the most. Everyone will think it's pretty, but Mr James being a friggin artist will do still-lifes and let other students draw it too. Hah! :D Muchly appreciation.

Need to get a stalk of birds' of paradiase

Hmn.

Sis baking cookies and since the only time it clashes nicely is Mr James. Thus he gets cookies AND flowers. Funky ne? I should save some for the Drama people too, cos well, I wrote part of it hah! List for drama: Vanessa, Shimona, Tiffany, Izyanti, Meth and Rune. Notice the last 2 are chara names, cos well I can't remember their real names -.-;;;;; sou~~~ I like Shimona though, she's pretty nice though shy. And she watches movies too! Yay!

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 10:39 p.m.+

Overview

Listening to: God Bless Xmexx

Friday
-skipped school
-finished in Real Folk Blues'
-PAC performance
-Gave flowers to people
-Dressed normally for a change and shocked people o.o
-Was okay

Saturday
-Met audy
-Went out and walked around
-looked at lots of things
-bought nothing
-showed her my painting
-got teased. A lot -.-;;;;
-came to a conclusion

Sunday
-irritated
-very irritated
-would like to kill brother
-finished drafts for Mrs Tan
-finished Art assignment
-very irritated still because I couldn't finish stuff
-finally updated Pipedreams
-GO SEE! :D
-Cannot stay long cos brother is grounching
-Mom leaving overseas tmr (thank god)
-Kor leaving for SAF tmr (thank god 2)
-Will be completing all the backlog fanfics'

Cheers!

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 11:31 p.m.+

All in so much clearer

Hmmnnn
Missed school today (sorry Gloria and Mrs Tan >_>)
Simply because I wanted to be alone, and think carefully

Yesterday being yesterday, too hysterical to think properly
That's what tomorrows are for.

Am thinking very carefully
The truth is: I don't want do it for the wrong reasons
And the problem is: It might be for those reasons
Wrong reasons:
-peer pressure-
all that constant dating in and out of JC is problably bad for me
-sheer lack of company-
No audy, no Kakyounin, no jrockers in JC = bored
-rebounding to satisfy my ego that NO I'M NOT A LOSER-
One word: leXis. Relationship bouncing is not a habit I want to get to.

Another thing I'm afraid of is that well
he doesn't really know me does he?
Maybe he only will get along with the Tsu-In-School
Or maybe only one aspect of me

That's not very good you see? First and foremost I'm a painter and audy's soulmate (xD). Next I'm a writer + jrock fangirl + anime junkie. Tsu-in-School problably ranks somewhere near the bottom of my responsibilities. I might spend a lot of time there, but it doesn't mean I put my heart and soul into it.

Not to mention I'm seriously considering to go back cosplaying to meet another jrock/anime people. Who knows? Maybe some from CJ. Rika's influence is heavily mindturning.

I can say I'm attracted all right
but whether I like is a different matter entirely

Besides, this isn't exactly the best time to get into a relationship >___> PROMOS EXAM PEOPLE!! *headdesk* So. Study first, do the rest of the stuff later.

Conclusion: wait and see

thou shalt not run into a relationship like a bunny suicide

KZ.
Anyway, to be inane to everyone:
ADD ME ON FRIENDSTER NOWNOWNOW!
If you haven't realized, I joined friendster *solely* for him. *koff* cos I couldn't get his email desu ne...-.-;;;

Email: sumeragi_@hotmail.com

Anyone would laughs deserves a horrible herpified death *pulls out zanpaktou* is that clear? *glare*

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 03:59 p.m.+

melodramatic

This isn't exactly a rant
It's an almost-rant

Typical Teenage-ness has hit on the world!!

Which goes to show no one is immune to it *hackcough*

It's peculiarly satisfying to be normal
Yet it's annoyingly angsty and teenager-ish

To be really TT:
OMGZ!!!!oneoneone!!! i think he's really HAWT!

This is bad.
Very bad.

love
typicalteenager!tsu

+tsu waited for you at 09:06 p.m.+

A little less complicated and the world would be an simpler place

Sometimes in school
I think of nothing
And my head is filled with images of things I don't know about. Ah - randoms.

------random---------

clouds that drift by
in softness with distance
a white illumination
of sun, of sunlight
till feeble rays that reach me
are no longer warm

I'm mastered the art of sleeping in school
3 chairs, 1 jacket and a spinning fan
All in an empty classroom

The hating moon bleeds red
Cut,broken and sore - a cresent
Of sharp vengance and anger
Of fragmented knives and secrets
Of you and me
The night never answers to the rape

It's strange to be in school and blogging.
But I shouldn't ask - wonder.

Fozen November days
Are cold and full of roses
Red roses with sooty hearts and frost-bitten petals
Glowing fresh in store-shop darkness
Wondering wonderment - where do they come from?
As you buy another dozen (just off the florists' rack)
Beautiful in the cold light of winter morning rays.

---------

To watch in the distance
Seemed like the perfect thing to do
Until I wanted more.

I am going to hate myself later for acting like a typical teenager. *hatehatehate* stupid dumbass tsu

Denial is the first step to honesty.

------

Every whisper
Every waking hour
Keep thinking of you

The general tactic being: The more I know, the less I should - but it's not working!!!!

--------------

A smile
that bubbles up like champange in glasses
the fizzy high that sets me alive, on fire
a sip that sends you into golden euphoria
that tastes of crispy apples and sweetest dreams
rushing along the veins in a fiery burst of infatuation
that makes you want more and more
even if the hangover kills you

that sums it about right.

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 02:09 p.m.+

White illumination

I'm addicted to 80s' style anime songs. Like Wild Wing Boys or Love Me or Houki Hoshi...It's genki enough to not feel over depressed but not -too- happy. Plus it's silly! What's there not to like? ^^

School.....I'm actually getting along better with people now ^^ Sort-of settled in *hears everyone breathe a sigh of relief* I'm not too happy, but at least it's improving. I'll stick to it. The best thing is that hard work seems to be paying off xD xD

I GOT AN A FOR MY LIT ESSAY AND GP MOCK-EXAM!
^____________________________^
35/50 and 36/50 respectively.

*dies happy*

OMGZ it's finally paying off! And I thought I'll never get over a 34. <3<3<3 Amazinguuuu~~~~~~:D

The only problem is Mrs Sng.*sighs*
As in extreme Snape-ish loathing of her
I think she dislikes me equally much
The only consolation I have is that I continually needle her because I score top in class without caring what the shit she thinks.

But she's taken it on to a new level by picking on me ;__;
disheartening ne

I know already I don't exactly fit in here, but rubbing it in just causes hell. She thinks I'm a freak and she -radiates- such thoughts so much that -I- feel like a freak. I feel like a dumb beast trapped by her incessant complaints and nagging, caught in her bug-eyed glasses and sheer meaness. She's like ELT + 40yrs.

How horrible is that?!?!?

I liked PW class today though~ It was fun ^^ Like everyone was just laughing and making stupid jokes and just relaxing. Relief! y'know?

-----------

Am considering the following ways to spend my cash on:

-Painting-

Set up studio at home, drag in live models and paint them. However, my lungs will give way faster and I will go broke buying paint and brushes and turps and oil.

-cosplaying-

I'm seriously thinking about it because a)Rika is an influence b)leXis is an influence c)might be able to get cheap attention-whore models for my paintings.

I dunno naaaaaaaa~~~~~~~~
I'm such a horribly indescive person when it comes to personal issues.
If it's like organzing or wtv, I'm pretty okay
The moment you let me choose between this and that for personal benefit I end up going uhhhhh >_>

souuuuuuu

I don't know what to think desu ga
Music is out and so is running cos my lungs are killingz me
I was thinking maybe cosplay will be useful later when I start business cos well. Y'know.

Being around physically obsessed people give you ideas on clothes but absolutely demoralizes you and your self-esteem because you feel shit-ugly.

It's like everytime you cosplay, you just feel so frikkin ugly afterwards which really sucks if your self-esteem is pretty shit already.

BUT!

Most important thing is to deal with the messy CCA business, sort out PW-stuff and finalize all details with Mr James regarding the hours and how to do plein aire painting.

and of course, audy.

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 02:12 a.m.+

White illumination

+tsu waited for you at 11:33 p.m.+

White illumination

+tsu waited for you at 11:33 p.m.+

dusk

Weird day today, a cross between hyper and tired >____> CL B is beginning to bore me because she's beginning to be less tolerant and un-fun.ch'e Am considering just skipping class so I can hide in the library and read Bleach scanlations ^^ YAY!

P.E was okay, stupid Mr. Lim called me a gilagila. Mou! *pouts* so mean. Lovely weather today...that kind of clearskies that Constable liked to paint, complete with fuffly circus clouds with swirly patterns and blue blue sky. As in blue. Nice and windy too~ Walked around with Atiquah and Solikin, which was pretty fun.

School I think...
Doesn't quite cut it for me
It's boring
I miss audy (aka. partner in crime)
And everyone else.

Like today, I was poking people's boobs. If it was audy or sharon, we'll be whacking each other's asses and groping indiscrimately while talking rubbish. In CJ, if you whack your friends' boob, it's no longer a funky endearing greeting but like: "OMGZ! TSU! *shockhorrorshock*" Even people I generally like, sometimes they just don't get it. -______-;;;; Follow the purplepink brick road to get to tsu-land!:D

Went for art class, had strawberry/chocolate gelato and finished the painting. I'm offically sick of the colour yellow. EW-EW-EW. Gross. Disgusting. Everyone likes it though, lol even the old ladies. Apparently, I have a "bold, confident painting style." Yea, right *snorts* I just like the squishy texture of it (though Mr James has warned me a gazillion times not to eat cadmium cos it's poisonous and he doesn't want to clean up my corpse) It feels so nice in your fingers, like slightly oily smooth and warms, like skin. It's a lot like touching skin actually. The only irritating thing is that it gets everywhere and is terribly hard to wash off. (10 soapings only got my red to pink)

LOL, I look a little like a bruised victim with my pinky purple patches everywhere.

Tiring though...>____> Then as I walked out of the studio under the not-yet-evening but not-afternoon light, with the sun mysteriously hidden behind frosted clouds I knew immediately I wanted to paint that. Like, true impressionistic style with daubs and dashes made of mellow greys and frosty yellows and pale pale blue. Like watching the sun through a blurred clouded screen.

And I'll paint it with a bunch of narcissus.

Mr James will NOT be happy though (he'll scold me for being indecisive again) cos actually I need to finish the damned fish, and I'm supposed to do still life next *grouses* ugh ugh ugh measured drawing ugh.

Need to draw for Zephyr too
I'll start sketching for ideas later.

'kay, finished Dickinson's poem already, so that leaves Barnes which I'll do tomorrow cos I'm dead sleepy

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 10:08 p.m.+

Ashita

+tsu waited for you at 01:17 a.m.+

Ashita

+tsu waited for you at 01:17 a.m.+

Drippy weather aren't we?

Listening to: Hoshi Houki

Rundown of the week~ Really sorry for not updating as frequently as liked.

Thursday
Was sick with flu, missed most of school and went to Art Friend to spend on paints instead. Bought Cadmium Yellow (Deep), Alazirin Crimson and True Magenta. Even though I should've gotten something like Napola Crimson instead, I bought magenta on instinct. I dunno, I just figured it'll work out (ask me why and I'll hit you). I was just thinking that if I used it as a mixer with a hint of black, it'll pull out my yellows cos it's a blue-based red. Although offically I should be buying Napola red cos that's a sienna-ish red and my wash is a cadmium-chrome burner so it's a no-brainer that it'll harmonize except that well.....dunno...wanna try something interesting (?)

Went to IJ, talked to Mrs Alex ^-^ She said she felt so loved that someone remembered her birthday~ LOL. Talked, gossiped about various students, exchanged minute details about people, questioned on others and giggled over everything. Oh! I know her age too. xD xD xD It feels nice to know that someone cares ~ She cares, at least. I think being there reassured her that even though JC is basically hell for me, I was still alive and that's what counted. She's kinda concerned on my friends (or lack of them) so she kindly suggested I go Europe to get myself hitched -________-;;;;;;;; saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...... *wonders* What is it with people trying to matchmake me? Mrs Alex does it. Mrs Low hinted. Gloria does it in a very VERY discreet manner...LOL

I still think Audy would get it first though :D

Went to CJ for art afterwards cos I like art and it's fun anyway. Sorted out my stuff, decided what to reject and what to keep and what to cut....Not too bad, I quite like cropping in funny angles. The surprising thing is that people actually like my sketches. As in *like*. Even the other students like it~ o.o Apparently I'm "spontanteous" and "dark" and "fresh" LOOOOOL.....I don't think they realize that I don't sketch because my planning is done mentally. I -DO- plan, contrary to belief. I just do it inside my head that's why it looks as if I just daubed this and that until I achieved that kind of umm.....competency.

I'm just a great believer in Renoir and Van Gogh ^^v

Cezanne is a bit mathematical for my likings.

Anyway people like it, that's what counts right? ^^v

Friday

To sum it up: Depressing.

It felt like my retinas were burning with yellow, a kind of intense, white-yellowness that made everything look cyan.

[digression]
Sometimes it's strange to feel detached. A little like Shakespeare. His son died, he grieved and was pissed but ended up writing his greatest work: Hamlet. He was like "Oh I'm sad now so I must remember how it was so I can duplicate it out in a play."

It's a kind of artistic detachment, that every experience is a material you work with. Like even when I was sick, I was absolutely aware of everything. The intensity of light, the yellows melding with the light that brings out the this strange green-blue cyan that literally glows. My eyes might be burning and I could be sick, but goddamn it! I just had to mentally categorize the images for future reference. Like: the shimmer is like pointallism and the white is a combo of ivory and white and the yellow is lemon yellow, naples yellow and cadmium yellow (tint)

It applies to everything.
If I want a sad despairing painting, I strive to feel sad and despairing before painting so the painting looks sad and despairing.

I don't think it's exceptionally healthy for your soul.

[/digression]

Saturday

Called down by school to help drama edit their play. -____-;;;; I feel kinda bad cos this girl, Shimona wrote it and she was so sad that ummm I was better than her (she said, not me) and she wanted to kick herself and stuff so I told her I was just lucky na! ^^;;;; she seemed like a nice person.

I don't really like Jeremy much though -___-;;;;
Instinctive dislike? maybe.

Was late to meet audy cos those omfg!idiots! forgot to tell me it was 12.45am and only reminded me at 1pm even though I told them I was meeting someone. ARGHARGHARGHRHH!!!!! *runs* I literally -sprinted- across the bridge and into the bus. Bumped into Bubbles who looked really surprised to see me. Waii~ He's reading Lovely Bones. Nice book, a sad though. Made me cry~ ;_; And yah, he looks quite cute in a black shirt.

Walked around TP, she got her presentation shirt/skirt. Just y'know? Walking around. Fun~ Quite nice. Went to Far East Plaza to be freaked out by the onset of CHINA-MADE! lolita outfits *freaks out* WAAAIIIIII SO HORRIBLE! Went to Kino, saw Tactics 5&6 (must buy!!!) and tried to look for more Henrik Ibsen's plays with no avail. Damnit. I want The Wild Duck one. I -already- like Doll's House, but I want Wild Duck! *pouts* Also need to pick up more drawing books and photography books.

I think I want to be an expressionist/post-impressionist painter.

Realism is all nice and pretty, so is Reinaissance. Piscasso isn't quite my thing, neither is Starvinsky abstraction. I kinda like my art noveau swirls and impastoish paint and movement. Subtle. What looks easy and simple. LOOKS.

*illusion-addict*

It was nice going out with audy, :D mean it~ A little awkward, but that's how things always start out ne? Anyway, it's a big improvement already ^____________________^ Haven't fought yet! Yay~ we're beginning to treat each other with more respect I should think.

I hope this continues and be better.

Btw, I'm in love with my grey skirt. Grey is <3

Sunday

Did some homework, tomorrow I'll be at Mr James' to finish up my final painting. Was reading art history and I realized my education is severely lacking. I need to be better. I have no grounding in classicism at ALL. *dies* No wonder Mr James sometimes give me this twitchy-half-smile >___> I'm seriously considering asking for apprenticeship afer A levels.

I know 'fine' arts aren't considered useful at all compared to graphic design or such cos it has very little functionality, and besides, no one wants a painted potrait nowadays. Compared to 'street' art, it's kinda silly to take precise fine arts.

But I want to.
I like it.

The combination of precise problem-solving (ie. impression of light VS the solidity of figure) and craftsmanship appeals to me. Like the idea of expressionism. How do I express my emotions on paper, to evoke in an ummoving scenery rapidity and tension while maintaining harmony? Do I show what I see or play around until it achieves the effect I want?

It's hard, but I like it.
It's the difficulty that makes me happy.

All these things I want to paint with so little time.

Went to uncle Marc's house which is the epitome of cool. He's got a lovely pond in the middle, and the house is centred around it. All the doors/windows open to this inner garden which ROCKS. It's comfortably stylish with a simple minimalist decor without being overpoweringly cold. ^-^ It's so pretty~~~~~~~~~~~

It feels like drippy weather.
Today. Me.
Seigetsu
Like a late night MacDonald's drive-through lit by green gaslight, the pouring rain sounds like drums in pit-patters, puddles distorting the glowing reflection of yellow and neon green light. Red motorcycles swishing by, the heat steaming from their cold lips as the red electric guitars soar and whine like broken wails and rain over gravelly granite voices.

Like tasogare.

I make no sense ne?

I miss simple....maybe that's why i try so hard to do it in words and images.

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 10:53 p.m.+

bukubukuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

Listening to: GRAVITATION!

Bukubukuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuto! *blows bubbles*

Bleach has offically taken over my life. :D

Saturday is offically my favourite day of the week.
^____________________________________________^

will talk more tomorrow.

tsu

+tsu waited for you at 11:34 p.m.+

YOOOOOOOOOO! *prances*

Listening to: Shunsui's theme song!

What Bleach Character Are You?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

I didn't cheat either! *puts on beachhat* Bring it on Kisuke! :D

Bleach makes me genki desuuuuuu! :D It's just so fun to BAN-KAI! everything and see Yachiru chew on Q-chan's head and watch Zaraki grin with fatherly pride. Sugoi na!

Went to visit Mrs Alex today~ Mou! She told me to get a boyfriend before I became too serious for my age! Waiiii~~~~ am I really that serious? LOL. I can be un-serious too!

Went for Art only, Mr Tynan is a pisces! Yatta! Another one~ good right? And the Drama Club want me to edit more stuff for them. LOL...I never knew I'm so wanted ^^

-----------------------------

I had a dream today.
A true dream, like the other time.
About audy, about September.
I woke up screaming.

//garden of plants//bottles of diet coke//a chance meeting//shock//choices that place before you//and the back turns//words screaming over and over//and i am alone//

The end?

The truth is I'm lying a lot more often now.
I smile, I laugh, I giggle in class and flirt shamelessly.
No one guesses.
No one knows.
No one really cares.

So I smile anyway :D and tell myself it's okay.
It's alright to pretend once in a while

People really think I don't know y'know? It's as if they've totally forgotten that I'm not as idiotically bimbo as I seem. They know in a desultory fashion I'm not dumb, but they never take it seriously.

Even my sis.

She cares na~ in her own way. But she doesn't know.
LOL...to her, she sees a self-absorbed embarassingly loud older sister who laughs insanely and whines at the same amount. A babbling twit who can't stop complaining. Doushite? *smiles* Not like I don't know.

It's a like....with audy, sometimes I get irritated, I get resentful (hey I'm human) Little incidents that add up until I absolutely can't stand it anymore. Sometimes I think she takes me for granted, that I'll always be there to ask for her back because lil' tsu-chan could never have enough backbone to fend for herself, lil' tsu-chan doesn't have the strength to fight her demons face-to-face.

Like the way she places everyone before me. (special me? yeah right)
Like the way she never listens, be it anime, questions or anything. I'm resorting to "nvms" because she only wants to hear happy things. Not whining
Like the way she intentionally hurts with words.
And when she threatens to leave me alone forever

I always give in anyway (hating myself in the process)

It's like when I read about Van Gogh, about Theo, I knew EXACTLY how he felt when Theo ditched/helped him. It's almost as if I felt some kind of soul-connection with him.

Saaaaa....I wonder. What's it like to be truly cared for.

I still want to die.
I never stopped wanting to die.
But....it's whining isn't it?
All this.
It's not anything important because it's just tsu's whining again.
Quote Kor:"Don't make your problem my problem"

I get vengeful too though. Sometimes I wonder if I really got Audy back, I'll just turn her down (even if I don't mean it) just to make her know what it feels like to left alone, left behind, left unwanted and unheard.

But I'll never do that.
Saa...that's something no one should go through.

But you see?
Even if life is fucking awful I'll still love it
Because I love beautiful things
Like art, like poetry, like music that soars like wings
Bceause art doesn't judge, doesn't hurt
Art's just there, useless reflection
It just shows
And even if you die because of lung sirosis due to paint pigments, it's okay right? Because you're dying for something beautiful. If you can't die for love, why not die for art?

So I tell myself it's okay to live
Even if I'm dying inside, hollow Until all that is left-
All that I own
Is just another stupid genki smile~ :D

YOROSHIKUUUUUUUUUUUU!!! *glompz*

That's when you tell yourself it doesn't hurt anymore
Even if it does, it doesn't cos you say so

So tsu-chan grows a little stronger inside
haruka no tsuyoi! totemo haruka no tsuyoi!

So smile ne!
^________________________________^
Cos I'm doing it too~

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 12:34 a.m.+

Fic ideas

Am sick actually.
Flu virus, fever.
Funnily enough, it gives me energy to work harder, to concentrate. Ironic eh?

Painting looks dastardly evil in a good way :D Am so proud of my texture!<3 Need to buy Cadmium Yellow(Hue) and a small tube of magenta to make my lacquer-red ^^ I'm quite proud of it because I know I did a good job. For the moment at least~

I'm not starting any new DEG fics soon. I'm just going to complete all the stuff I owe people. Real Folk Blues' and In Ten Days'. I know I planned other stuff, but I really don't have the time. Solution: One-shots.

Here's the current list:
Haruka x Kantarou
Aizen x Uruhara
Kyouraku x Ukitake

Requests still accepted ^^v

Because Gloria asked to see it...
Response to Pornish_Pixies challenge on HP meta-sex. Yes, it's possible!

------------------
Paperthin
Draco x Harry
--------------------

A/N: Response to Pornish Pixies challenge on HP meta-sex~

-------------------

Sometimes you don't know what to think, you don't know what to do.

"I hate you."

"I hate you too."

It's times like this, being written to hate, that I wonder perhaps maybe I could be something more. Something more than a paperthin character of two-dimensional hate. The inflexibility of being....being Draco Malfoy, hated and feared by millions of ten year olds, pouring over the Golden Boy while I sat at the edges of the text, waiting for my call. To fliltter in and out through chapters, a weakly evil character. Not as demonic as Voldemort, not as conflicted as Snape. Trapped. A mindless bully with an attitude, malicious but inherently boring and underdeveloped. Useless really. His role was nothing more than an irritating mosquito, a minor symbol of a greater symbolic evil : The battle of light and darkness in a pathetically small school enviroment, so utterly cliched that I wish that J.K Rowling did not write me, but someone else.

It is the what-ifs that bother me.

Thriving in her mind and between pages, Harry and I are nothing more than mere pawns to a writer's folly, to be used and thrown to the masses - a voyuer's love for the nauseating details of our imagined life. Sometimes I wonder how he feels about this - being abysmally right all the time, forced to save the world not once but many times and later being potratyed as a typically angsting teenager with moodswings and sulking tempers. To be loved over and over again. To be trapped by the love as much as I am trapped by the hate.

And yet, as we pass through the corridors-

"I hate you."

"I hate you too."

Caught in our roles. A staged play, a staged life.

So we run, living vicariously through the miserable lives of fanfiction - ghosts of ourselves - alternate realities of what it could have been, what we could have been, what I could have been...Different aspects of the original I and the one that lived in the minds of ficreaders and writers until it encompassed this to be Draco Malfoy. The words change, the meanings change, the passing of corridors between paperthin characters.

"I hate you."

"I hate you too."

Fuck me.
That's what it means now.

So I shove him against the wall, pressing him roughly against the rough-grained bricks, kissing him over and over again as my hands reach into his robes in desperation. He returns it, equally caught in the wave of passion and teenage hormones, erection pressing against my thigh. My fingers probe him impatiently as he gasps and moans, eyes rolling into the back of his head as I stretch him and tease him. Soon. He's ready. I am too. But I have to ask:

"It's your first time isn't it?"

"So what if it is?"

Ah....the same words. Always. It's always his first time. And I always have to ask.

And I fuck him. Harshly, violently, passionately, intensely - this rutting of hips thrusting over and over into another in a heated, frenetic grind. He screams, I groan, we come. Sweatly and sticky and statiated, I release him, adjusting my robes and recombing my hair. He looks like the mess his is, messy black hair and messy robes. Tenderly, I brush back his hair, adjusting his glasses as he collects his breath. A kiss - swiftly fleetingly lightly on the forehead.

"See you tomorrow Harry."

And I walk down the corridor.

Sometimes I wonder if there's any difference, all this running. In the end, we live in their minds - be it Rowling's or fanfiction. A role we play, though at different stages. Like the highest of actors, we are whatever what others want us to be - the tortured misunderstood Malfoy, the child abused Malfoy, the mocking one .......all these roles I play as I run from place to place, seeking freedom only to be trapped into another role. Perhaps it's just this, this paperthin life I lead, all the aspects of self scattered through pages of text and lines of words. Syntax that holds my form and shape and diction that decides the feelings I have, the masks I wear. At least, I tell myself, at least here it isn't hate.

To know what Harry feels sometimes, to be the Golden Boy. To be loved by the fanfiction of masses.

So I fuck Harry, and tell myself it's okay. It's not his first time after all, though it is a first for this particular text, this particular reality I feature in. We go through the movements - initial dislike of one another, the growing uneasy friendship, a stolen kiss, mind games, angst angst and more angst then finally, the pinnacle (or perhaps, climax) of every smut - the fuck, the sex, the good screw.

Always.
Same time, same place, same ass.
See you in the next fic, Potter.

----------------------

Comments are welcome~

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 10:58 p.m.+

Busy as a frikkin' dumbledoring bee

Crap.
Am very very very busy tonight so please do not expect me to be online. (Sorry Gloria, I'll burn the scanlations for you and to audy, <3)

Timetable:
7am-3.30pm --->School
7pm - 10pm --->Studio

Somehow, inbetween I'm supposed to find enough time to complete a 2500word essay. At least 1000words k? *sighs* Then I have to prepare an essay plan, finish MCQ questions on Oligopoly and Labour and *somehow* wake up in time for school tomorrow.

Just need to get over Wednesday and the rest will be okay.

I almost feel like skipping Wednesday, except that we have an amazingly important Econs lect. on Labour which I -can't- miss because a)I hate that topic b)I don't understand it either. Like EW-ness.

I'm literally *praying* that I can somehow get over August and hit September. (can't pray for September because my deadline for Art is end August and I haven't finished it yet)

Just finished phototaking for school LOL! I look so kuai! My tie is perfect, I buttoned the blouse all the way up the collar, my skirt hits the knee and my hair is actually *flat* and *neat*. Amazing huh? Lasted only 5mins though ^-^;;;; But at least it was neat for a change.

Have Lit afterwards. Not looking forward to it because it's 1.5hrs long and gets draggy after 1 hr. What I really want to do is douse myself silly with SeishirouxSubaru fics because looking at Aizen reminds me of Seishirou. DAMN.

I -still- dislike Naruto though.
Crappy artwork, crappier storyline.

Art class tonight...must bring back Mr James's books which he kindly lent me, finish reading Mythologies (and show I understand it), tell him the moon is acting funny and decide on a background colour for my final painting. I'm thinking yellow, because I don't like yellow (and it shows through my work), red-lacquer and maybe hints of black/green.

You know they have racist? Well, I'm a colourist.
I hate yellow >________<
I'm sure everyone has noticed that I don't have a single yellow layout that lasted for more than a day.

And for ref. pics, I can use that Van Gogh with the crows flying over golden fields and watch more anime (hah!)

Oh yeah, my form teacher gave us cute soft toy puppies today. Mine looks absolutely depressing. It has sad eyes! WAIIIII!!! ;________; But it's quite cute, so I'm calling it Wuffykins.

luff luffy wuffykins <3

K, gtg.

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 01:38 p.m.+

Meh. Dolderums.

Listening to: Electrolite

*yawns* School.....urgh....I was running around with haikus trapped in my mind. Like this one:

氷輪花 [hyourin hana]
水に映じる[mizunieijiru ni]
狂い咲く[kuruizaku]

Translates to:
Lunar blossoms open
Reflected on water's face
Out of season bloom

I think I "upped" my haiku skillz ^-^ 'cos like....The less words you use, the better you are. Using long syallbic words like "mizunieijiru" and "kuruizaku" (all one word sentances) is a first for me. Less words! Cleaner expression!

School was okay, art was fun ^-^ I was late fror class cos I was in the library busy downloading Bleach scanlations and reading them ^^;;; Art was okay, I wasn't up to my usual standard till later when I hit upon this mixture of sienna, vermillion and magenta which was ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS. It's the exact colour of the old ancient lacquer used in boxes. Like the real meaning of akai. It's so beautiful *-* It's just a rich, deep, dark colour that just -glows- red.

Me likes :D

I can't seem to figure how to finish all my projectwork. *sighs* Everything is due by this week (it's killing me).Watch:

Projects:
Library painting - overdue/late
Zephyr (Editorial) - this Friday
Econs Project (1500words) - Friday
PW draft (2500words) - Wednesday!!!!!
Art coursework (Final) - End August

*grapples with work*
*gets swamped*

tas....ke...te

LOL

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 10:26 p.m.+

Scandalous!

LOL.....
Broke my glasses again, so I went to get a new frame which is BLUE! As in electric-Totchi-esque BLUE! It kinda makes me look like a cross between a doctor/librarian which is pretty cool na! :D

Finished the posters. Was a good day~ Read fics and did a little Econs. Kor was cranky and PMS-y. Had cheesecake and wine~<3 I still think the Riesling is too dry, Chardonnay is sweeter (demi-sec! demi-sec!) I like it sweet and fruity okay? :P It tastes better that way.

Am going to tie up Real Folk Blues' come September holidays.

Am also starting a new original series with Ludwig and Alex and all the fun fun fun! things. *smiles innocently*

My hyperness PWNZ j00!

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 01:08 a.m.+

Twilling

Listening to: BLEACH!<3

Hmnn....let's see. Woke up late late late for school (Dear God why me?) and slightly unhappy because the teacher called me down just to be a piss-jacker since I wasn't in Drama anyway yet I got called down. I expected to spend 15mins or less, ended up spended 3 WHOLE HOURS(!) in LT2. Meh.

Iyzanti's stuff was really cool, so we changed a bit to include drawing and collage. Sounds kinda fun na~ :D The patterns really add a kind of baroque-ish elegance to them. That didn't take too long....what took REALLY long was that suddenly I was editing one of the main character's (Rune) script. It's not my fault btw why I'm editing it. I didn't ask for it anyhow. He was just pissed at the corny lines he had, since the JC2s wrote (for themselves) better lines.

So I helped him out.

I -knew- I did a really good job out of it. Too good cos now I've got Jeremy (who originally wrote it) pissed at me. *hides* hidoiiiiiii~~~~~~~~~~~ >___< I just think it's bloody unfair that the JC2s get the main roles and the main lines while everything else is regulated back. That's not how a drama production is supposed to work. Your stage director and scriptwriter are supposed to be ONE and THE SAME, not two people who expect each other to mindread. It doesn't flow. Honestly, it sucks.

So when they asked for my opinion, I gave them an honest one. Did they listen? No. They only wanted to hear what they wanted to hear. In all truthfulness, I'll rather watch ACJC's production (directed by Judith) because I KNOW it will be good. You could say I'm unpatriotic to the school but hey~ Quality is quality y'know?

Went home straving like crazy and happy-ish cos I had lots of compliments and lots of work to do. LOL. Happy for the former ok? Issa so nice when people say you're smart and cool~ <3<3<3 Xiao An I like you~ lol.

Went home, made layout watched anime. XD xD BLEACH IS SO COOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fave Chara: Uruhara Kisuke. Why? He looks like a cross between Fai (TRC) and Yohji (WK)! LIKE YAY YAY YAY! And he has a supercool katana/stick called "Benihime" And Ishida's wing-thinger ROXXORS!

kz
I'm being ghey

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 10:19 p.m.+