Casual as a Kiss

Listening to:Radiohead-Karma Police

My latest hobby is randomly flipping a bird at Toraneko. In case you don't understand what I'm saying, it means that I'm showing off my middle finger to Nekochi. It's just sooooooooo fun. LOL. Then she turns purple but she can't do anything cos she's sitting in class with a teacher. If she says anything back, she'll get into trouble.

*Random Moments*

I have no idea why I do it, ack, I don't even swear.

Gaining back my equalibrium thanks to all who tagged *glomps gratefully*. Let's put this garbage all behind and keep on movin' keep on movin'. *dances* Not to mention that I actually enjoy being alone.

Terribly tiring today, I don't like Thursdays. Classes that make me want to sleep and sleep and sleep, made even worse by the rain. It POURED today, big heavy droplets that smashed against every surface, soaking. Huge puddles in road hollows, like mini oceans and seas. The bus took eons to come, chunking down the road, spewing steam and black smoke. Condensation on cold windows, distorting all the faces into blurs of alien shapes. It discharged this black stuff into the puddle, turning the water a polluted oily grey. By the time we boarded the bus, we were soaked and chilled to the bone, because we only had one umbrella and I shared with Natasha.

Dropped at the SJI bustop and bumped into Johnathan. Couldn't really see much cos my glasses were fogged up and anyhow, my bus came. RAN and shouted my goodbyes. Strangely, I remember it in a sort of Italian Fragment shoot sequence. Went home, had pasta for lunch and dropped tuition to go sleep.

Let's see, I slept from 4.30pm to 8pm. I was -that- tired.

Hand was sore the whole day, thankfully it's much better now and it looks like it's going to rain tonight too. Sky is sort of dark reddish pink purple and it looks like a womb. Plusating with the lights of fast cars, the lights of street lamps, the lights of sleepless houses. Lights of the city. Night is the mother of Day, protecting her children of the city in her womb, giving birth to Morning in a spasmodic joy of dawn. Then she dies in her twilight, clutching the last handfuls of sunset to prepare her daughter Day into Night and the cycle continues everytime you wake up.

So beautiful. For a minute there
I lost myself, I lost myself
Now I'm finding me again

Love (thanks to all who care)

tsu

+tsu waited for you at 09:32 p.m.+

White Roses for White days

Listening to: One Day in June - Fenrik Lane

Insight of the day:

I know what I want in life now.

Woke up late, skipped school because I had no wish to see their faces, or why I cancelled my birthday. I just sat and thought and read my books. From Magret Atwood to Fritzgerald to Austen and Woolf. So I've come up with a little something, a little something to sum up my feelings and the past few days.

My little poem for my little friends.

Remember, oleanders as beautiful as poisonous.

So many plastic people
So many plastic smiles
Mannequins eyes and dolls hearts
Thumping into hedonistic rhythem

But I thank you for teaching me
I thank you for entertaining me
Not my fault, nor yours
Your ignorance
Shallowness
My wants
Intimacies

So I gazed across my monitor
The quiet hum of the computer
Seeking with a mouse in hand
Faceless, disembodied
Yet more real than your fake smile
More real than your cold touch


So I forge along
Making friends
Breaking bonds
Hearing careless deaths
And horny songs
I wait for the white day
"It will get better ne?"

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 11:13 p.m.+

Tomorrow is another day

Listening to: Akuro no Oka

It's quiet. Quietus, almost whispery and breezey with papercut skies. Today the sky was white. Whiter than a blank sheet of paper, like a photograph with the sky cut out, waiting for someone to fill it in. Paper white. Blank white. This sky doesn't feel like talking today. Sunshine smelt strange too.....no more cinnimon and warmth. It felt like coconut and ice. Coconut and pandan, cool, soft, green.

Tomorrow is my birthday.

Birthdays are strange. It's the day when your mother opens her legs wide to let you into the world. It's almost like sex, but coming out instead of going in. It feels like a Valium fog, wrapped like a turban round my head. Protecting me or protecting people from me? Wooly to touch, cotton candy swirls that melt into white crystals sticky to skin. I can't lick it. Not yet. Sticky sweet from my fingers.

Tomorrow is my birthday.

No one was free, so, I cancelled the birthday party. I'm quite alright with it, surprisingly. Loneliness isn't too bad, it's grown round me, numbing. I've always been lonely, or solitary. Even Auddy, Sharon, Caryn, Melissa, Rosemary and Neko can't really touch me. Inside. Shizuka ni, shizuka ni. I've always been waiting....waiting for what? Waiting for someone to come home, waiting for something to happen, waiting, waiting waiting. Such passivity from a passionate person like me.

Tomorrow is my birthday.

It's waiting y'know. I remember waiting for my mother to come home, 3? 4? am. Staring at the tiled floor until my eyes hurt when looking at the speckles. Huddling into soft woolly blankets until I could will the shadows away. My sister was sleeping...sometimes, when she slept, she looked like death. Then, the slow "ding" of elevator doors swishing open, warm musky perfume, sway of white pleated skirt. My mother.

I don't think she ever understood it.

The waiting.

Even now I wait, tomorrow she has a meeting....and I'm so alone. Alone. I have friends overseas, I have friends in school, I have dreams. But is anything real? Not really. Too caught up with the flavour of the month. Stop. Pause. Think. Listen. Can you hear?

Tomorrow is my birthday.

Auddy is not talking. Well, this is my blog. Am I willing to spoil a near perfect friendship? I want more. I want stability, intimacy, understanding. Not the constant barrage of killing onself in macabre ways. I suppose I'm sensitive but what's wrong with that? I want to taste it, love it, live it. But none of my friends understand it. They think it's a joke, Life is. Joke. Fun. Play. Throwing it away for useless dreams of what? Cosplay. Drink. Drugs. I'm tired of delusions, illusions, fantasies. I just want a rock.

Chaotic world
Held by rules made by men
Broken by the human heart

I've driven myself up the wall. Wanting this, wanting that. Beauty, money, vanities. It doesn't matter anymore. All I want is love, understanding and stability.

Get me off the rollarcoaster

Problem is, they're not ready to give what I want.

I can't blame them. The basic building block for survival is hardship and truth is, none of us has anything to angst about.

Get real kids.

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 09:35 p.m.+

Belly in Blood

Listening to: Akuro no Oka

Lusting after blood moon
Taste salt smell metal

Woke up, went out with mom and had shopping. Bought a skirt from Zara and a shirt from Isetan. And books. Lots of books. Hmnn...White Oleander, This side of Paradise, Dante's Club, Handmaid's Tale and Space Merchants. Oh. I got a cake for my birthday too.

For some reason today reminds me of those careasols (?). Those twirly twirly ones with blinking lights and garish music.

So blurry.....Lost maybe?

Like colours fading and blurring and merging like rainbows of red and green and blue and yellow. It feels like a eat, walk, shop, read day. I don't mind it, but I feel so lost. Wandering through rows and rows of clothes, like disgises hanging from rails. Not substanial enough to be real.

Hazy daisy do you love me?

Don't know........

Don't care........

But I want to care cos my mother loves me and I should feel grateful and I do but it's like dreamy and we meet but do not touch. No breaching of barriers or some epiphany at hand. Feels more like an epoch for a day. Epoch. Sketch-dream flower state lost in soft sands and softer days.

I want to feel grateful because they love me.

I just can't get past the glass.

It's like a gaussian blur movie with too many faces and too many people. How do I explain it? We're still alone on our little islands (not nessescarily a bad thing), the sea surronds us, caresses us, touches just the outsides briefly. But not inside.

And it feels all alone even as the tide takes a little bit of sand from us away.

erode>

I want to touch. Intimacy. Sadly lacking in my existance.

Intimacy. It sounds like a hot red breath across your neck.

Like secrets untold. Midnight meetings and discreet whispers.

I like secrets.

love

tsu

+tsu waited for you at 09:55 p.m.+

Inversee

Listening to: Akuro no Oka-Dir en Grey.

Dir en Grey is becoming my muse. Strangely enough, when I listen to their music, I zonk out and end up in Yuraspace. Akuro no Oka is giving me ideas...Oooo yeah. Lots. Some one should kick me.

Anyhow, it's not so bad,it's not so bad.

But thanks for caring.

Even if you're nothing more than a delusion.

I wonder if you'll ever find the flesh
To take me to another world
dreams come real or real come dream?

They don't know.

But it's not so bad. It's not so bad.

*tsu is feeling deceptively honest tonight*

Was late for art but as usual, nothing can beat my killer combo of puppy eyes and pleads. Yep, was 2 hours late for PKW and Ms Chye was pissed. Thank God for the years of training in saying sorry.

The artist guy, Urich, really liked me. Or should I say my pathetic attempts at typography/abstract/print. Whatever. He liked in anyhow.

Went for tuition and learnt chinese poetry. I like poetry, I just hate the sheer amount of work to understand it. Had dinner at Shangri La and ate enough seafood to die of mecury poisoning. Anyhow.....Endeared my father's amazingly priggish attitude towards women and I stared at the edge of my bowl of soba and concentrated on lifting the green noodles to my mouth mechanically while he prattled on nonsenically about the duties of woman.

What the hell.

I shall be virtous and resist the urge to throw cold soba at him.

-Random Thought-
What does Kyo's sister think of Dir en Grey?

Anyhow........Bought two books, namely Love Pentagon by William Stucliffe and The Damned and the Beautiful by F. Scott Fritzgerald. William Sucliffe has my eternal devotion as one of the wittiest, cleanest writer that manages to blend comedy and philosophy together in a crazy, zany blend. It reads like lemon sherbet. Sweet. Tart. And slightly cool. XD I like his style, it's much better than Intimicy, which, Judith lent me and I promptly finished, returned and forgot about it. That book is life-sucking in a lazy afternoon way.

Haven't had time to dig into Fritzgerald yet. Have a feeling it's another Gatsby like book. I loved his This Side of Paradise though. Great book.

Planning to buy somemore books tomorrow. Dante's Club which is my idea of a relaxing book and White Oleander, which I want my mom to read. Yea, my idea of a relaxing book is to read something that involves a dead body and not many clues.

Feeling queer....Not nessescarily unhappy but drained. Smokey comtemplative like grey silk and dusty drawers with forgotten corners and musings clinging in the musty air. Feels like transperant rose petals, dying, black on red on white on you. Slinky. Sliding. Cloying. Too closing.

squeaky kiss kiss don't tell
rubbery slippery sliding cells
clingy sweet magic on air
gold green grass atop a head of hair

I believe it's time to stare at the whiteboard of my head and wonder where mind has went to.

Toilet break, maybe?

-----------------Random-----------

Walk with me
Take me to another place
Grasp my hand
and come
White lolling sand dunes, a Salvador Dali painting. Rising. Falling. Winds brushing the footsteps of civilization away like the breath of ages, like the death of immortality, like the futileness of humanity

Gentle pluckings on the stings of fate
Soul music Song making
Chorus of joy Lament of Sorrow
Take me to another place

Crashing waves of blue on sparkling crystalline beaches. Hot sun shining, hot sun bright. Dreams of flesh, dreams of pleasure, of men, of woman, lying bare in the sun.

Dancing of words Of letters
Across a blank open page
Ideas caught Remembered
Take me to another place

Woodland of books, plush, soft knowledge. Legions of men and woman, decades of wisdom. Wrapped. Bound. Trapped, in books. Wonderous mircales of technology. Great leaps in evolution. Darwin. Big Bang. All quiet and waiting. Meanings of Life and Death and Transcending, just within grasp.

Take me to another place

And then I woke.

And cried because I didn't dream again.

-----------End------------------------------

My pitiful attempt in trying to explain my thinking. Oh well.

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 10:55 p.m.+

Quietus <>

Listening to: Stand Alone Complex

There's a good reason why I do things, most of the time I get mistaken but..In the end, it doesn't matter anymore. Because, in th end, everything is solved and I'll walk out of the door and smile at the light.

Okay, that's a really nice way of looking at it.

Truth is, I hurt alot for people for the sake of what I think they should do. I'm devoted, committed and when pushed, I can be as ruthless as any killer. I know you may not understand why I do things like that, but I want her to be happy. Despite what you say, she isn't. So!

*sighs* I suppose it's a Greater Good syndrome.

Let's see....school was fine and dandy. I go for rehearsals during recess everyday and it's pretty fun. Went with Caryn to but my sister's cookbook and guess what? Bumped into Auddy along the way! Anyhow, bought it for sis, settled the programme for Arts Alive camp in March and did lots of work.

I just realized how f^cking weird I am when it comes to relationships.

I can solve -everyone- else's problems except my own. I'm troublingly possesive and defensive. I can get jealous, really really jealous until it clouds my common sense. And I lash it out at anyone, especially the people I care about.

I think that's what happened today with Auddy. I was sitting next to her and during recess something in my head clicked and I was so scared and irritated and pissed and upset. I wasn't angry, I was just upset. So I ran off, sulked during A Math and lashed out at her. It was only after school then I bounced back but I still feel uneasy. Quite actually.

I've decided to write stories for Dir en Grey songs. *amused* Because I can never bring myself to that level of writing about real people unless I know them.

First up!

---------------Random: Keloid Milk----------------

School high reunion. To some, the word conveys days of lazy afternoons studying in heated classrooms with chirping cicadas. Half-spoken dreams of the future, and gossiping round the water cooler about the jockiest baseball player to the prettiest girl in class. It brings back the flood of memoreries, rising tide after tide, crashing against the soft walls of your heart. Twisting. Turning. Churning. Days of past, like withered sepia images, planted in your heart. Never to be let go. Some, teasured like jewels, each a sparkling reminder to joy. Others, dark corridors that never never end, nothing more than scars. Splitting.

Then there was Mieko.

Lovely, pretty Mieko with her simple ways and gentle eyes. Mieko with her dark hair tied in a ponytail, swinging cheerfully as she ran across the halls. Mieko when she sat next to me, head bent in a curve as she read the book. Mieko Mieko Mieko. First love. Hardest to leave.

It has been a long time.

Today I will meet her again.

I dress carefully; suit, tie and briefcase. Studying my reflection, I realized how much I have grown. My chest had filled out, powerful yet subtle strength. Clean, polished. Nothing like the nerd I was. Adjusting my tie, I dreamt. Briefly. Then, it was gone. Bitterly.

There was an odd taste in my mouth.

I swallowed. One last glace, perfect. It was time to go. I walked purposefully down my penthouse apartment, and left.

The cab ride was long and deary, almost as if it was intentionally slow to prolong my torture. Trees rushed past, green blurs on brown sticks. Billboards, promoting everything and anything for a price, large and garish, dotting all over the highways and freeways like ugly pollutants.

Stop.

I nearly ran up the grand basturade, hurrying to the ballroom. Few people greeted me, no matter. You could not expect them to connect me to the teenager I once was. Then, I saw her.

Her.

Oh god oh god oh god! I could feel my blood rush down my skin, every cell a bright lurid red. My heart was pounding and screaming for her, wanting her skin, her feel, her flesh beneath my fingers.. She was there just talking like nothing was different, like nothing had ever changed, nothing will ever change. Every wound and scar, tore with pain of estascy and agony. Her her her her her!!! My body screamed.

She walks towards me.

"Is that you? Keishiro?" Questioning

"Long time no see, Mieko." Such a fool I am. Such a fool

She turned to walk away. I need to ask her. Ask her why. Why her gentleness could be so cruel. Why. Why. Why!?

"Did you ever love me?" Wisphered sweet confessions under sakura trees. Bloom of spring, April 1965.

"How could I ever love you?" Soft kisses of I do's under sakura tree, April 1965

I saw the pity in her eyes. Shrinking and retracting me, pathetic. Image in those beautiful doe eyes of hers. Stupid, blind me.

I had asked for it.

Wounded, torn again and again like a knife that stabs in the skin, pushing pass the soft flesh into hard bones through the ribs down the heart. Tearing open tissues of covered issues, never to be spoken, never to be remembered, bloody and bleeding again. Keloid that protected from painful truth, grown over painfully lonely wounds and stabbing mockery. Back again.

If I could tear my heart out I would.

I do not remember how I got back home or what happened after that.

Fragments, too small to be examined, too discordant to be connected, plague my dreams. The bloody white shirt. Had I gone and fought? Pieces of memories, a woman in a dress, face undiscernable, skirt pulled up fucked over and over and stabbed to death. Maybe I had been reading too many newspapers...After all, there was a murder last week. I wonder. I dream.

/dark corridoors in concrete schools/a young boy finally smiles/wounds never to be reopened/no one can open them anymore/turn around young man/drop the knife/ Keloid wounds that are sealed/ finally/ smile.

I dream of sakura in April 1965.

----------------------End------------------------------

I like writing backgrounds to songs ^^ I don't know why. Prolly the next one up in Jessica because I'm studying the cold war and I like the name Jessica. Had a classmate called that once, too. It's something about the Berlin Wall anyhow. Milder than my usual. After that is prolly Raison d'tre BECAUSE there's so much scope. Really. Then, in no particular order, X Japan-White Poem, Malice Mizer (!) Brise, Beast of Blood(dunno about this one), Pierrot- Neo Grotesque. Oh, if you want me to write something in particular, just leave a note on the tag.

---------------Random 2: Neo Goteseque---------------

Welcome to the Brave New World.

Do you love me?

I don't care just fuck me

They smile at each other.

Mary

Jane

Cold comfort love and warm sex

They wrap their arms round each other, blue school pinafore clinging against their adolscent white thighs, rubbing and moaning, hands tangled round each other, never ending, nver starting. Clumsy kisses bestowed, saliva on skin, licking, touching, wanting. The younger moans in enjoyment, tossing her head erratically as her partner fingers her lightly. Small underdeveloped breasts and baby soft skin.

Come on all of you
Youth of the Generation
Who cares what Papa or Mama says?
All I want is hot hot hot
All I want is now now now
Kiss me

They touch each other again, fumbling and stripping off the clothes. First the blue pinafore, then a white blouse, off comes the school shorts hidden under skirts and socks and plain white panties dropped on the tiled toilet floor.

They giggle.

They touch.

Clinging, wrapping, moaning, needy as they drive their lust. Gasping and whining for more. She spreads her thin thin colt like legs over the dirty school toilet seat, wanting more. 13? 14? Who knows? All she wants is the other girl's fingers in her. Now.

Footsteps.

They pause in their pleasure. Teacher? Fellow student? They keep slient in the cubicle, clutching each other's nakedness. A tap turns on, sounds of hand washing, hair smoothening. Definitely a teacher. They huddle on the toilet seat, not making a sound.

Footsteps leaving.

New hedonism
Kiss me Kill me Danger
Love me hate me I don't care
Just come and play with me

They scramble over each other again, fingers sticky with fluid as they thrust rhytmically into each other, enjoying the situation. They come.

Over.

'Did you like it?"

"Un!"

'Let's play again tomorrow."

A wink. A whispher.

"Can I bring my friends too?"

Welcome to the Brave New World

--------------End--------------------------

Should I write more? I'll only write songs that I know.I've gotten some ideas for Drain Away but I'll wait for it to grow slowly. Maybe a song too. Who knows?

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 08:31 p.m.+

Tsu's pesky rant on DeG fanfiction authors

ARRRAGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

If it's possible to die now, I would.

DeG fanfiction people are so lovely I could cry. People like Alison and Sunshine who keep on encouraging me to write (despite the fact I'm underage and lousy). OMG, I could die for them. Plus they're also wonderfully philosophical people who make good sense.

And when I don't write, they don't yell at me for missing deadlines or starting and stopping stories like no one's business.

If it's possible to die from Niceness (or guilt) I would have done ir right now. So therefore, I must write a -something-. A -whatever- And I'm so mentally blocked I can't think of anything but how wonderful Alison and DrakFrozenWater are and I'm so terribly pseudo-philosiphical.

Yesh....I'm FAKE.

*kicks self* ARRRAGGHGHHHHHHH!!!

*temporary insanity ensues*

I need Yurameki. I need Yurameki. I need Yurameki. *chants*

And I'm willing to pay the price.

Bring it on. *pops valium*

Tsu's Rant to You Know Who
I know you're there, you know I'm here so bring the whole gang bang cos now I know how to fight you with or without Kyou's help and I have my friends like Phiyrn and all so I'm scared but I'm willing. Y'HEAR? I know you're always watching and watching and waiting for me to crack you're real and you know it because you scare the kafe out of me but I'm not scared to drown in the music anymore even if I'm going to go crazy.

YOU. SUCK. NUTS.

*drinks her chardonnay*

Luv ya all,
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 11:51 p.m.+

Keloid

Listening to: Keloid Milk (remix)-DeG

After much digging in my libaray, I found out that Kaoru is really utterly disgusting. Keloid = tissue that grows over a wound. Therefore, Keloid Milk would be the wound opening and closing, be it emotional/physical. Milk would be a reference to childhood, so it's childhood wounds that is opening and closing.

Makes sense actually, considering the theme of child abuse seems to run in all their albums.

Learning how to play the guitar from Caryn and my conclusion: My Fingers HURTSSsss...I can play a A,B,C,D but not an F. AARGGHHH! I hate hate hate F cord. Anyways, my fingertips feel desperately numb. And there's cute lil' red lines to tell me how hard I pressed against the strings. XD XD Wonder if keloid would grow over.

Reserved sister's birthday present from Kino, and go my teeth checked. Once again, half-lying rockers! And Caryn and Auddy are really nice people (whom I actually feel like being social with and not because I want something)

Patheic huh?

I'm so uber diplomatic that I go out with people I don't like, do things I'll rather not do, say things I don't mean and lie half the time.

Maybe I'll end up in hell.

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 09:44 p.m.+

Raison d'tre

Listening to: Raison d'tre- DeG, Seven Nation Army- White Stripes, Naruto- Akeboshi

Promise: I -will- learn the *&^%$ cords for White Stripes. Damnit, I will. *plonks on guitar*

It isn't really tuned, I did my best, but it doesn't sound right at some parts. >.< Dammmnnnn....

Woke up at the right side of bed, and set off for tuition. Amazing I can still remember the dy/dx stuff.Feeling somewhat happy and helped my suis edit her schoolwork. She was quite pissed when I edited it though cos I kept on spotting mistakes and no one likes to know they're wrong. Oh well, at least the essay is now really decent and A* material. Played one of those minigames, it's called Fowlwords. You can find it here


Together, we managed an all star high of 84300 pts. Yay!

I like anagrams XD

Had dinner at Athens, and it was my first time trying out Greek food. Auddy would LOVE it. Half the dishes are sour, the other half is sugary sweet (esp the Kaifati). Quite nice really, dunno why mom complained the food was terrible. I suppose it's an acquired liking. XD *I* liked it though.

Haven't drawn much, but I'm feeling literature-y so I'm going to be writing more randoms. XD Yay~

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 10:48 p.m.+

Bake mo no SAAAAAAAA

Listening to: Neo Gotesque-Pierrot, White Stripes- Seven Nation Army, DeG- Raison d'tre

Went to camp.

Went BONKUS.

I didn't actually want to tell them so much and my predictions were SO TRUE. *snorts with laughter* 5 minutes after my sob story and they were like "Can I help you?" Look. I've been living for 15 years perfectly fine, 5 minutes of niceness (pity/sympathy) isn't gonna change a big deal of my life. It's quite funny really and at first I thought of getting pissed until I realized it's more to my advantage to look pitiful and patheic.

Pitiful? Patheic? Where has your pride gone, tsu?

*giggles* It's so funny how everyone was so nice to me and we were talking about -SINCERITY- afterwards. Sincere? Please. You were nice to me cos you pitied me not because of anything else if not why didn't you talk to me during class?

I don't know....I don't think I want to talk to Judith much now. Judith is....how should I say this? Power hungry. And she might use information against me. Knowledge = Power after all. Plus she's about as warm as an iceberg. After talking to her at night I finally realized what was wrong. She talks alot...Alot alot about theories, but nothing substanial. She listens but she doesn't offer her own experiences. Talking to her isn't an -exchange- but more like giving away information to please her.

Okay, my brain is still scrambly.

Went out with Sharon, Phiryn, Melissa and Karen for dinner at Spizza's. Food was great!~ Got really high and LEMONED jokes abounded until the poor waiter gave us this "What are you girls talking about?" Showered at 12am and slept at 4am.

My gut feelings tell me the class dynamics just changed.

Anyways, the camp was good, but it wasn't a super epiphany about my life or what nots. Life goes on, crap or not. So why talk and talk and talk? Pointless, I swear. You can't really teach Self-Awareness, it's SELF. That means that the person has to do it himself/herself.

Listened to lots of music during camp and that made me really happy. Really really happy. I'm gonna find Kagrra mp3s, FMA mp3s and Cornelius (Keigo Yamada) mp3s. De rockerz. Rachel Koh was nice enough to teach me how to play the bass and I can now safely say I can play the School of Rock bass openings and Heart of Worship. Since I have a guitar already at home, I might as well learn how to play. Been wanting to pick up an intrusment after all and they're willing to teach me for free! Yay~!~~~

It's actually not very hard to play, all you need is a sense of rhythem and press the strings down HARD. I was composing songs (at least in my head) by the time the camp was over.

Oh yeah, got many yuramekis during camp but I ended up only remembering one cos it was for Kaoru. XD Enjoy!

-----------------Happy Belated Birthday Kaoru fic-------

Kaoru sighed, locking the door of the studio. Really, his life was nothing more than work nowadays. It wasn't that he was tired of the music industry, more like he was just plain tired. Damnit! He was middle age already though he behaved like a teenager with crack on stage.

Not to mention that he was being totally ignored by his koibito.

Life was already hard enough (with those blasted managers) without going home only to see Toshiya sulking round the house with a 'How could you leave me here" look.

Well, he -had- to work.

He sighed, turning the keys and locking the door. There wasn't much he could do, not for himself, not for Toshiya. He walked to the car, sighing as he opened the door, sighing as he revved the engine, sighing on the long road home.

Oh damn...I'm really turning into an old man

As expected, the place was dark, and the house unlit. And no Toshiya He thought miserably. Well life had to go on. Numbly, he opened the fridge, pulling out a tray of frozen food, chucking it uncremoniously into the mircowave.

So this is happy birthday huh? He groused to himself.

Then suddenly, he heard the faint whisper of strings, a tune being plucked from the air. So soft, his ears strained to hear it.

Wise men say only fools rush in
But I can’t help falling in love with you
Shall I stay
Would it be a sin
If I can’t help falling in love with you

Curious, he walked across the kitchen, past the sitting room, finally pausing in front of his bedroom door. He hesitated, wondering if he should knock. The quiet strings were louder now, entrancing, enticing. Without futher ado, he pushed opened the door and gaped.

The curtains were drawn opened, slivery moonlight flooding the room with a pale, etheral glow. Sheets, pristine white, piled softly on the large bed. Then suddenly, the player looked up, kingfisher blue eyes staring straight onto his face then a slow sensual smile given to him. Lowering his lashes again, he concentrated on playing, the brush of smooth, white hands against the strecthed strings.

Like a river flows surely to the sea
Darling so it goes
Some things are meant to be
Take my hand, take my whole life too
For I can’t help falling in love with you

"I didn't know you listened to Elvis Presley." A soft husky voice echoed in the bright darkness.

"Hn." Kaoru snorted. It was jus like him to be so melodramatic. "There are many things you don't know about me."

"Oh?" The voice floated, disembodied, in the darkness.

Kaoru shivered slightly, intimate, close. Almost like the voice was creeping up his neck into his skin.

Then suddenly, the music stopped.

The light was the windows cast down, moonlight bathing his slim, slender form. Blue hair darker than midnight tangled on the sheets. His long long legs wrapped round the wooden guitar, white chest pressing against it, naked. Toshiya looked up again, eyes smothering with emotion.

"Happy Birthday Kaoru."

Kaoru breathed, trying to control the flood of emotions (and hormones). Composing himself, he treaded quietly over, aware of the eyes following his every move. Bending down, he wrapped his arms gently round his koibito, amazed at the love. Kissing him gently, he paused, staring straight into Toshiya's blue blue eyes.

"Thank you."

Some things are meant to be
For I can’t help falling in love with you

-----------------End--------------------

If you're horny after this well too bad cos I'm not gonna be coerced into writing a lemon damnit. Inspired by Gladys's playing to "Can't help falling in love with you" XD Hope you all liked it, was kinda too sappy though.

PS. Raison de'tre is slowly becoming my favourite song.

love
-tsu

+tsu waited for you at 06:04 p.m.+

Arrragghhh

Listening to: Zoo York - Oakenfold

I feel like crap. Literally, metaphorically whatever. It's those depressive why me? moods again that I MUST get out of by tomorrow morning.Imperiative to. I don't want to go to camp only to end up weeping my eyes out in front of my blank and pity filled classmates. I don't want your pity damnit.

So don't treat me like a "poor thing". *snort*

I don't know whether I wanto to go, "sharing" about my life isn't my idea of a Great Camp. I'll rather spend time sleeping in on Saturday. Righto. I dooooooooon't waaaaaaaant tooooo goooooooooooooooo....*dies*

Besides whiling away with my semi hari-kiri thoughts, I've been doing alot of work and it's killing me because I have to run from place to place and I'm exahausted. To death. I was going to cry during tuition today cos I was so tired...

I want to draw and read and relax..........

Or restort to buying Tylonel.

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 08:29 p.m.+

Read this line again...

Listening to: My sister's soap operas again.

I really want to get the Love Replica classical remix. *sighs* Can't really find it. Hope it do. Or -buy- it. *hint hint*

Summed up pent up feelings:
Mizu. Tsu. Family. Families. Dysfunctional ones. Awful mothers. B@stard fathers. Stupid parents. Stupid adults. ADULTS. With warped kids. And a very very angry and pissed Tsu.

How could parents commit such atrocities!!!!!

*goes off to cool down with vanilla ice cream*

IT'S JUST TO STUPID.

Right.

Anyways went for the school singing pratice. I do not like trillers and frillers. Look, just sing okay? SINGING DOES NOT MEAN ROLLERCOASTERING. You do not go up and down and up and down. Look. There's what is known as a -score- sheet, you just follow the melody and sing it. An a is an a and a c is a c. You don't go adding a = aca or c = cdc. It's trilling and irritating and very unprofessional. Personally, it also means that we're not much of a group, but only some lead singers and nothing else.

BAH. And it's supposed to be together too.

Didn't draw much, mainly because I was tired and too stressed. Stress is not good. Stress makes you fat, because of the flight or flee hormone known as strenion which stores your fat in emergencies or danger. MUST LEARN TO RELAX.

About the fic, I hope never to see it again.

Oh, do you like the layout? It's DN Angel and it's pretty, the lyrics are at the corner and I think it's quite bright and nice. XD XD

love
tsu

+tsu waited for you at 09:21 p.m.+