Spiritualized
I'm problarly one of those few who actually go and re-read my earlier blog enteries. Needless to say, they're absolutely crazy. Not only that, I have degrading comments on the ikkou as well. Ahh~ How things change.....

Anyhow, things have seem to calm down...Unfortunately, being a idiot I am, I simply HAVE to feel that something bad is about to start....It's just a gut feeling, but it'll bring trouble for sure...

Been listening to Schu's "Spiritualized". It's a really funny song and the lyrics can be found here. It's in horribly twisted and mangled English--If it is still considered English...But's damn funny..I SHOT YOUR PIGS! Maybe Sanzo should use it for ELDDS as a quote for corrupted and violent totalitarian societies ruled by dictators. "Pigs" used politically can be inferred as politicans. And since Schu was born during the fall of Berlin Wall etc...If you try hard enough, you can use it as a weapon against democracy etc....

Okay...I have to go now, I'm going out with my mom cause my Dad's in Malaysia...Remember, it's NEVER Too Late...*whistles It's Too Late"

Love

Tsubaki

Shining~
Saa~ I'm okay now, still shaky but relatively less cry-ish now. *looks at all the tissue paper* Gosh, I didn't know I could cry that much. Anyways, the combination of ice-cream, angst fanfics with lotsa drama and FF7 seems to work...As well as just "dropping" the whole thing. Or doublethink, if you prefer. It's from 1984 by George Orwell btw.

I suppose I'll just do my best then...Found some very nicely nasty non-con Aya/Yohji fics today. It's strange that whenever I'm unhappy, I simply find a sadder fic and think "thank God I'm not in that situation". Reverse theraphy I suppose...Didn't see Bunny today, not that I want to. I need to rebuild my world again.


I'm not bias on why I hate Arts so much..I suppose that I should tell you. My brother was in an Arts class, he did well for everything. Topping his class in Lit and History. But during O'levels, he managed only a C and couldn't get to a good school. He became a loser and literally behaved excatly what my father wanted. He took Mech Engineering to prepare to take over family business. Talked to my father, flattered him etc.....It's disgusting. I've never liked my father. He smelt of money and commited adultery when I was 3, my brother swore revenge at the age of 7 but he was a *&^% weakling....*sighs* He sees me as competition too...*smiles bitterly*


Later, I dropped school and didn't go for kindergarden, I was sent to Primary school late too. My life was practically in sambles. I hated my father, my friends had left me *Clarissa, my best friend, left S'pore and a very close friend of mine died soon after of a herditary disease*. I can't remember much from then on, but the teachers always sent me for conselling and stuff. Note: It doesn't work on someone who reads self help books and knows what techniques you're using. Anyways, I had a C- for my social life from Primary 1 onwards and most teachers found me difficult and obessive with some subjects and sloppy at others. In other words, I sank into a depression.


At Primary 5, I nearly killed myself by drinking coke and panadol in large amounts. I still don't drink coke, it brings back very bad memories. Anyways, I was saved. But I don't know why, but at a certain point I realized that what I was doing was USELESS. I was so full of self-pity and morbid thoughts that I forgot about the people around me. I literally rebuilt a kekkai in my life from strach. I never had one, so I built one. Very hard work mind you. I have a tendency to think too much and too morbidly, plus I was practically friendless and had to start friendships at the age of 11/12 when everyone already has a clique.


I rebuilt my life and friendships. It worked. Honestly, I don't know why it DID. Generally, what I did was believe that the world was a happy wonderful place, filled with people that had problems and that I HAD to help them and make a DIFFERENCE. To say it worked well is understating it, true, I still have problems, but I'm not obessed with my own anymore. What I can do, is to help others when I can and deal with mine in a practical normal way.


So I'm going put this all behind me and maybe, I'll built another kekkai again. After all, disappointment can always be replaced my hope.


Love

Tsubaki

*cries* NOOOO!
I'm really not happy, heck! I'm not happy at all....*starts crying again* This is the ;lousiest day of my life. It sucks. Really does. I wish I had someone to whine at. I'm in no mood to joke anyway.


I didn't get into a Science class! *cries* It's not funny anymore! I'm DON'T WANT TO GET TO ARTS!!!!!!!!!!!!. I don't like lawyers. I don't like journalists. I don't like ARTS/HUMANTIES!!!!! I don't want to go there!!!! *starts kicking and screaming*


I hate lawyers *no offence to anyone in particular though*. I want to be a DOCTOR. Spell:D-O-C-T-O-R. Not a friggin' lawyer...*which my parents would most likely push me too* My teachers are not helping either. My form teacher doesn't want to help me appeal cause she says that my frickkin' Lit, Hist, Georg are my straenghts therefore she's not helping. I can't do privete candidate unless I quit school. Right now, I'm very very tired......I need an alternative, anyone has ideas?


This sucks.........*cools down slightly* Anyways, here are my marks.


Scores:

English- B3

Chinese- E8

Literature- A2

History- B4

Geography- A2

Art- E8

Maths- C5

Science- B4

HC- C5

D &T- C6


*sighs* I have 3 alternatives.....1) Study in public school till the end of Year 4 bfore O'levels, quit school and take as private candidate. 2)Stay in school and make the best of it. 3) Go overseas and start again. ...Well, bye now. I think I'll sit somewhere and hide. *starts crying again*


Love

Tsubaki

Midnight is a Place...
*looks at title* It's a book about the horrors of child exploitation in the 19th centuray. Not bad~~^^;;; but rather dry at certain times..Plus the guy was really wimpy and angsty.


In the Garden of shadows
We shall meet
For Midnight is not a moment
Midnight is a place


Pretty nice ne? It's called "Denzil's Song" and sounds rather apporiate. I'm pretty happy today...The ikkou was in a particularly good mood. Slept on everyone's laps. I mean it. LAP. Anyways, it was Libaray Day today. Note:Libaray Day is some sort of literary Day with very little meaning. Slept through the movie which was Lord of the Rings. I'm pretty sick of watching the first one and still quite _incensed_ over Aragorn and Arwyn's relationship. It's STUPID! It's supposed to be Eowyn and Aragorn.......*looks annoyed* So I slept on ikkou's various laps. Quite comfy actually. Let me rate the laps:


Sanzo's lap:

Quite comfy and warm. Nice and soft and she doidn't move much...Except that sometimes spittle rains on me..I liked it alot and very nice and snuggly. Rating: 3.5/4

Hakki's lap:

Relatively comfy and nicely warmed. But she moves an awful lot. I dunno about other people, but it's like sleeping in a turbluent truck if the person id laughing or something. Quite snggable. Rating: 3/4

Goyjo's lap:

Frankly, I never slept on her lap, but Hakkai did. Simply cause she plays basketball and other sports. Which means that her lap is harder than the floor of the school gym. Bleh. I'll rather sleep on stone.


Well....Life has been relatively normal. My brother is leaving for China next week. Strangely enough, I know I'lkl miss him. Despite the fact that he threatens and insults me everyday, I still love him. It's strange y'know, Blood really is thicker than water. I mean, I expected not to miss him or anything but I DO. This is weird.....Oh well, for the good I suppose.


My uncle and anut came over yesterday. They're not really my anut and uncle, I sorta "adopted" them. My uncle, well not really, but he spends more time with me than my father. He taught me how to read when I was three and most of my books and stuff came from him. That's prolly why I treat him like a family member than a close friend. Plus, he dresses like Aya and acts a bit gay. But he's not. Just uh...feminine. My Anunt is actually my godmother, well not really my anut. But in her case, it's not so nice. She didn't like anime and treated it like cartoons. We quarrelled. She got married and moved to Tampines. I din't see her for three years. I strated seeing her agin this year, it's still shaky but at least there's still a bond. She's a music teacher and teaching me how to sing properly. And we'll go carolling together I supoose....


Love

Tsubaki

Yosh!
*bounces around* LOOK!!!! CLAMP X 2002 CAL!!!!!!!!! Tessie is SO GREAT! See, there's a super-droolable S/S pix inside and I couldn't get it anywhere. Tessie helped me find a seller and paid for me first.($100) I'm paying her back on MACosplay, Dec 21. *does a flying glomp* TESSIE IS THE BEST!!!!!!!!!

NAZE~~~~~~~~~~~~! Oh man! Look out! Tsubaki is on SUPERDRIVE!
Went swimming with Sanzo and her sis yesterday. My eyes are red and itchy, not to mention I look like an extra in Return of the Vampires. *shudders* By Kafe, I look dead or dead-possessed....Anyways, it was fun and the world was a splish!And a splash! And a ah BISH!


Let me explain the history of the Ah Bish. See, there was one night when I was on the irc and Tessie was going like this.


Tsubaki: So you're a carrot

Tessie: Ah Bish you lah!

Tsubaki: Ah BISH??????

Tessie: AH BISH = Bonk!


The excat scene happened later with my sis and soon, Sanzo was Ah Bish-ing as well. *LOL* The disease of the AH BISH-ers.....I'm having recess now actually. Today, we were to go for a Sexuality Talk by a guy who is AMAZINGLY sent to a Girls' school. *LOL* Anyways, it's funny but quite uh...y'know the DUH.....sydrome. C'mon! I learned this in my Science textbook! Plus they said that yaoi was perverted. *sulks**pulls out her yaoi banners* NO Fair!


My brother is flying off to China for a month and coming back in Dec 2. It prolly means that I get the comp at night *finally!* and get to annoy Leareth over the irc. I can't say that she'll take me too kindly but I can try!!!!!! *Pollyanna....* To get to the point *and irritate Sanzo as well* The world IS! a Smiley happy place. Or at least for today....


*turns poetic* Ah! 3 more days till school ends!Tis so wonderful! So Wonderful! Forget the burden of 5the exams! The drudgery of homeowrk!Till we meet again in new year! Where I shall be older and wiser and the work harder and harder! Sorry for that...*giggles inanely* But I'm happy today! Why? I dunno. Ask the Jabberwocky or Humpty Dumpty. After all, only they know the "wabe" from the "maby".


Watch Wiess yesterday. I dunno about you but I was singing "It's too Late" the whole morning. Ahh~ The joys of Weiss. Note to Sanzo : You're missing 4 FRIGG'IN eps! And all have SCHU IN IT!!!!!

Carnival
Saturday was our schools' *Primary and Secondary* Carnival. I'm soooo tired! Ate zillions worth of ice-cream, made keychain gifts for friends and family, bought balloon and tied them everywhere.....*sighs* After that, had dinner at Yishun with my father. Not a very interesting dinner but I managed to hint to my father that I wasn't going to go for ANY Engineering course and I DIDN'T want to work in the family business. I'm not keen on sqaubbles and other political intracties. That doesn't strike me as very healthy.


On Sunday I skipped CIP which is some sort of complusory commuity service. I've already did my 6 hrs so I'm not going. Went out with my Maths tuition teacher cause she's fun and likes me alot, she bought me League of Extradinary Gentlemen Vol. 1 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! by Allan Moore. For those who don't know the series, it's a more sarcastic version of Sandman with more Mervyn Pumpkinhead than Dream. *giggles* So happy! Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!Or "Sankyuu" if you prefer!.


My brother is flying of to China, Zhuhai for a month. I can't help but say I'm quite happy over it. It means more late night irc I guess.

Bleh...It's a long long road away...
Bad news: I can't make it to a Science class so I' doing Private Candidacy. So I'm doing Chem/Phy together. *sighs* And I really want to be a doctor.


Good news: I'VE GOTTEN A2 FOR LIT!!!!!!!!!!*smiles happily* highest in calss! Yay~~~~~~:)


Anyways, it's really weird. Cause I tried to fail Lit. I mean, make intentional mistakes all that crap. Simply cause someone said that your Science had to be higher than Arts, so I tried to bring down my Lit marks. *sighs* Apparently not true. Thankfully managed to get a A2 despite everything. But still, I wish it was a A1.

=====><===== New Expression
Do you like that expression? It's called "sticking your fingers into your ears". Anyhow, I like it. I'm moving school soon but I don't feel much about it, easy as you please. Just heard a new phrase today, LOL. "Spit on one hand, shit on the other and see which one fills up first." Ah! The joys of English.


I'm reading Harry Potter again and realizing again how slashable it really is.Anyways, I'm supposed to call Yukiko Majokai but can't be bothered really. It's those "I'm still alive!" kind of calls. But she is interesting and very worldly wise, plus we sort of "click". So I'm not too worried.

What (yaoi) anime pairing are you?
this quiz was made by Eike and Mirai

Dead beat^^;; Angst is an indulgence
I have come to realize that anyone who angsts has an inflated sense of self-worth. Which means an ego about the size of a US president's. Which means that everyone I know and myself, has an inflated sense of self-worth. Think about it. Let it kick your guts.


I'm very tired. I'm not sure if I should spend time with the Sanzo-ikkou anymore. They don't understand me and I don't understand them, anyways, to them I'm pretty expandable. Even with my friends, I feel lonely and different and not -very- well~together. When I see Cockroach, Pig and Bunny together, I -know- for sure that it's easier for me to leave than stay. I suppose that I have an inflated sense of self-worth right now. I suppose that I'm being egoistic and whiny. I think I'll stop here and stop this about now.


My brother's friends came over yesterday night. He's always scolding me for being inconsiderate and hooligan-ish. Unfortunately, *adds sarcastically* his manners left him during socceer. If I ever hear another GOAL!~ again at 3am in the morning, I WILL bring my teddy bear and BONK their heads ONE BY ONE!


Right, I think I'll play FF7 and ogle at Sephiroth again. Bye!


Love


Tsubaki

Quizzes! Cause I'm bored...T_T;;;
After exams you usually find you have too much time. I, for one, have a purpose. Let the Quizzes begin!

A nerd that gets the ladies.

Are you a Seme or Uke?

Lookie Here! Subby's FINALLY got a Nookie!
Ignore the title. I'm just suffering from Too Much Angst(tm). Got into a stupid competition, with other nutcase poetry wannabes on Angst. *sighs* Stupidity never fails to amaze me....Comments like "The butterfly fluttered it's wings as my heart paipiplates for your love" to super ansgty stuff like "As the moon casts a shadow, and the stars lose their gleam, I will bleed and suffer just for the sunlight smile on your lips". Remind me NEVER to play that game again...On a better note, I won. *smiles* I don't look angsty and I don't like to angst but I can do okay in it.


Bunny! When will you REALIZE that the world is a SMILEY, HAPPY place? *looks gasted* I mean we're in a blessed, safe country when the world spins in turmoil. *should stop the rant*........I suppose that you can change huh? Anyway, I can't come on Nov 2 cause my brother is flying off on the 3. *looks tired* I know, I know, but he's still my brother after all.....Plus he's nice to me sometimes......


Played Final Fantasy 7 the whole day. I love Sephiroth. He drops the most GENEROUS amounts of materia in the whole game....I'm in Nibelhiem or supposed to go there.. But I don't want to cause a)Jenova is scary b)Hojo is scary c)Shinra is scary don't wanna play that at night...Oh yeah, I LOVE Sephiroth have I said that already? Gosh. I don't know. I LOVE SEPHIROTH. I'm not sure if I make any sense....


I Love Sephiroth


Watched Midsummer's Night DreamBottom is my fave chara and Oberon is cute. Right, maybe I'm insane to like a ASS....^^;;; (I love Sephiroth) Anyways, after devoting the whole afternoon to playing FF7, I drew a little, read a little( couple of teenybopper mags cause my mum says I'm too uh..unusal for my age and freak her guests out) BTW, tennybopper magazines are FUNNY, of course I skipped all the celebrity profiles..(my idols are Seishirou, Sephiroth, Soujirou and other S's, Messer Bottom included) Learent some Old English poverbs and laughed myself to death (Why...you're catching wind with and putting it to your lips or he's swinging his underpants in pig's mud or you'll catch the storms and put it in your pocket if you don't stop now) That's just a few...I was laughing my head off or as they would say making a donkey bray and chicken squawk at the same time It's really worth it.


And to end the day...Cheero!


Tsubaki

Hung***Where's my direction?
Arrgah....*drags herself out of bed* Remind me never to get lost again. Let me explain, reached school late, or thought I was late and RAN. Ended up is a sweaty sticky mess and found that I was *gasp* EARLY! Helped move tables and chairs and got my urple ribbon tangled. Yuck.


Met up with the ikkou. Darn,...in truth, we're not actually very Saiyuki-ish. At least I'm not. Never really got obessed over it. Not like S/S or Count Cain. Went to Esplanade. Stopped at the WRONG station and got lost cause Tsubaki doesn't have a excellant sense of direction cause her mom drives her around.Went BACKWARDS to City Hall station and walked to Esplanade.


Wandered around the Esplanade aka Durian and touched this and touched that. There was this HUGE! Hair exhibit. Yup, HAIR, I suppose they got it from cleaning salons and taking the hair. Shouldn't be too hard since a human head sheds 72 strands a day. Anyway, they sewn it up and made it into carpet looking flags. National flags of every country. Went to the outdoor area and had fun pretending to be overseas tourists and got people to take pictures. The sea was really sparkling that day. And the water is pretty shallow but rocky. Played for a while, with many a yaoi/uri pose and got a cool bondage pic that was bright PINK. PINK. Nevermind. Walked back in and stayed in the libaray for a while.


We thought of going to Suntec and eating ice-cream but Stephy got us lost this time and ended up in Raffles Shopping Centre. Went in anyway and lunched at Burger King. Note: Sanzo writes dirty fics Note: Tsubaki can out angst Sanzo + Hakkai together. Anyway, with Sanzo's mind in the gutter and food, we had fun. Drew alot of pictures including 2 Original Charas Kotenku and Niezen at least I think that's how it's spelt. Made tons of rude comments about certain Ka'juiats and osakanas Decided to buy this really pretty turqoise necklace which I really liked.


Went to Tiong Bahru and didn't get lost, Thank God. *looks grateful*Waited for Carey to come and bash into her house. Slept in the sunshine right in the middle of the street and prolly wasn't a good idea...T_T;;;Had a bit of a headache though. Carey Finally came and we took a bus to her house.


Collasped into her room and stared i n AWE at the posters that she has. I bought 2! posters by the way. *turns fangirlish* EEEEEE!!!!!TSUZUKI!!!!!WEISSS!!!!!!!*HEART HEART* Anyway, they sang some songs and I just hung back cause I can't reach those notes. I'm blessed/cursed with a eternally high and squeaky vioce with means I can't sing Saa! or Shiroi no ami no naka or stuff like Double Dear. *looks unhappy* It really sucks you know. I can't even manage Double Dear. *sighs* Anyway, we watched Saiyuki Requiem OVA which we saw *gasp!* Goyjo's NAKED BUTT!. *cough and sputters* Played with Carey's hamsters which were really cute but kept on climbing over me. Then they had this great idea of cosplaying and *shock* SANZO=RINOA XD XD XD...LOL Took some pictures and couldn't stop laughing.


Mum called and said I better hurry up or get grounded. So we were so desperte we took any bus. *cough cough* It's those "blind spots" that either way round you end up in the wrong place. We took the correct bus but ended up in Sentosa/World Trade Center Got so freaked out and started panicking. Luckily, there was bus 93 to bring us back. Thank God.....*phew* Got back home tired, cold, chilled and very very sleepy. Think I was sleepwalking. Crashed onto bed and decided not to play FF7 that night.


Love ya all


Tsubaki

Koi wa ami no Kajuiat no naka aka. Pig & Cockroach are having an Affair!
Ka'Juiat= Hokkien for cockroach, used to describ the nasty stinking buggers that scare Tsubaki like hell. Or to describ a certain "ewo" Kappa...Wait ERO(!) kappa.........*snickers*Nyan~nyan..


I LOVE FF7


Anyways, I love my blog. And Rufus Shinra and anybody else aka he's a Fumma-wannabe. Blonde, blue-eyed and anything but adorable. *He kicks ass* In fact, I think he can be compared to a certain figid boy....Popsicles. Too bad they contain Freudian implications. Hell, EVERYTHING contains Freudian implications. Dunno why I bother.


Anyway...remember Claude's addy. ruishen86@hotmail.com MUST remember!


Hmmn....From administrator to Council member? Is that supposed to be a promotion? Or am I stuck to doing everything again? Nevermind. Pet woes. Anyways, I'm on a origami overdrive. ORIGAMI!!!Yay...Finished an interstellar supernova.


PS. I talk about the title after I finish giggling.

Crispy Crunchy!!!!!!! Lalala~~~~:)
I likeeeeeee~~~~~~~Love the layout! Tsubaki-chan is so smart!!! *self-praise is disgrace* Nevermind!


Gonna buy Gravitation book 2 today!Yayaya!!!! So happy! ALL EXAMS ARE OVERRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:)So I'll clean up all my affairs and and play FF7. FF7 teh rox! *drops back to normal grammer* I'm so happy so happy so happy so happy!!!!


FF7 teh ROX!!!!!


Anyways~~~ Going to Esplanade tomorrow. See Art and culture and laugh about it! Buying a white shirt and long skirt too for Lolita cosplay I lovve!!!!I suppose I should go back to fanficking soon and drawing fanart but I'm currently on hiatus on both. Might decide to drop drawing since I' not excatly an art student andyway, it'll be odd to find a Science drawing anyrthing other than biological equipment. I've decided if I don't get to a Science class. I'll take it as a private candidate which means more tuition and stuff. But it'll also mean I have a plus of being able to switch from Arts to Science or other way round anytime.


The layout by the way is done by me and . BOTH of us. Sce it was my idea on cellpadding and cellspacing. Not to mention I'll prefer CSS to Div anytime. Oh well. At least it's working. *_* I like stars. Right. Time for some quizzes since I'm happy and bored^^.



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