Welcome, beloved Principal. You are cleared for access into the personal logs of the Maestro Totenkopf Iceheart, exalted ruler of the Guild whom, in his love and wisdom has honored and favoured you with this confidence.
Please proceed with his blessings, beloved Principal.
Start of Log.
Chemical engineering...?
Friday, February 27, 2004
04:03 p.m.
Alright, can someone please tell me, what the hell is chemical engineering and what do chemical engineers do?
I've got this good buddy, and we've known each other for donkey years. She knows excactly what I do. I, on the other hand, don't. Apart from the fact that she's doing chemical engineering, which conjures up images of her in dirty overalls and boots with a mask over her mouth, a nametag at her breast and a clipboard in her arms walking around in a huge room filled with big tanks and pumps and valves, walking around looking really important, screaming at other people.
Or maybe in white lab coat and masks and goggles and gloves holding up a test tube filled with God knows what. Haha.
In other words, I know squat about chemical engineering. She tried explaining of course, but obviously she's not very good at it. LOL~!
She's gonna kill me when she reads this. Won't you, Ling? Haha.
Anyway, someone enlighten me?
Apart from that, two projects to finish by monday. >.<
I'm afraid I can't think of an entry title...
Thursday, February 19, 2004
09:05 p.m.
Finally, finally, finally...
After 9 days of wielding, grinding, getting burned, sweating and some cursing for good effect, I've finally finished my art piece! Now all I gotta do is to think of a name for it. ^^
The sense of satisfaction is...great.
Apart from that, well, looks like I'm gonna have to go to the body works exhibition afterall. No thanks to my school anyway. We were informed of this yesterday. Today, we were told that we had to make our way there and back ourselves (I live in the west damnit!) and that yes, we have to pay for admission. Sigh...
Happy Birthday Me
Sunday, February 15, 2004
12:06 p.m.
Happy birthday to me I guess. ^^
Feels just like any other ordinary day though.
Anyway, went out last night to Lips bar again. Initially I thought I'd only be there with a friend or two for abit of drinking and chillin. In the end, one or two became more then half the people in the bar and quiet drinking became noisy partying. It was fun though, abit of dancing, pool, karaoke, cards and dice, loads of excessive drinking on everyone's part and the four sambucas I had.
Haha, usually when I drink sambuca, I only drink it with the flame on the glass, last night was the first time I had the flame in my mouth, thanks to Gibbson. It was fun actually. ^^ And speaking of Gibbson, it was great that he came. When I called him at eleven plus or so, he was sleeping. I asked him to come down since it was gonna be me birthday and all, and he mumbled an okay before hanging up. I was pretty sure that he'd go right back to sleep but lo and behold, he turned up later on with his girlfriend Jane in tow. Jane later told me that they were sleeping when I called and after the call he woke her up and told her to come cos it was me bday. Haha, I'm pretty touched! Thanks you guys!
And then the clock struck 12, so from valentine's, it became my birthday. Haha, Benson played the birthday song for me and most of the people in the bar was singing happy birthday to me and there I was, walking around trying to find my ring which had came of my finger. -_-;;;
Anyway, in the end, left when Raymond closed his bar. Had a little too much to drink so I puked when I got home, causing my mom to scold me some. Haha.
Before I slept, Rainia had wished me sweet dreams, and indeed, sweet dreams did I have. Plenty of sweet dreams. Well, kinda sweet anyway, or wierd but nice dreams, whatever.
And when I woke up just now, I realised that I was nonetheless on my bed, alone.
International Press Freedom~!!!!! LOL~!
Saturday, February 14, 2004
10:51 a.m.
Haha, check this out: Reporters without Borders. This is by far the dorkiest site I've come across in some time, but its a great site for a boring afternoon! They've even got 'the kidnapping mafia' and 'security forces - southern phillipines' meaning that even if I'm just a green recruit in the southern fillipino police force, i'm a hated PREDATOR of press freedom. LOL~! Plus check out their color-coded map!
I intend to email them, asking that they put my picture up along with the other predators of press freedom too, because in the future, I am sincere in my wish to brutally oppress and persecute reporters and journalists and the freedom of the press. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Rants on the 11th of Feb...
Wednesday, February 11, 2004
10:20 p.m.
Industrial Artist...that's what I am right now. Haha, currently doing a 3D workshop using metals... in other words, using metal to make sculptures or installation art.
So I'm wielding. Warren is now a competent wielder. Every morning I don my protective leather apron and gloves, with face mask in one hand and wield in the other, I wield together the installation art piece I'm working on. And it is addictive. The heat, the headache-inducing smoke, the sparks, the light that glows green from behind the visor of the mask and the metal that glows red due to the heat... It's awesome... And each time I wield the metals together, I see my art piece taking shape...
Wielding is fun. Once you gotten the hand of it...wooooo~!!!!!
Tiring though, when you've been at it the whole damn day... sweating underneath the apron and clothes, underneath the gloves, under my cap, under my pants (I've got to wear long pants and shoes... and I hate wearing longs and shoes!) Your eyes are half gone from the brightness of the light (the mask can't protect 100%!) and the smoke which gives headaches... >.<
Anyway, went for a talk by the National Arts Council in the evening. Crap talk. It's pathetic. Through this talk, I found out that the entire NATIONAL arts COUNCIL only gives out ONE full overseas scholarship. Awesome huh? The rest of the cash they spend doing stuff like holding concerts in parks and neighbourhoods. I felt like asking how much that chap on stage got for his salary. With what they were paying him, how many artists could the NAC help out? I wanted to ask to see his portfolio. Was he even an artist? Are there any artists in the NAC? I mean, people like him determine what's the citeria for art in Singapore? Heh, now I know why we've not made much progress in this field...
Pathetic.
Oh well, drinks on valentine's should make it all better ^_____________^.
Randomness....
Friday, February 6, 2004
12:39 a.m.
I dunno what to blog abt today...
Oh ya, went to my friend's pub again just now, after class. Seems like I'm spening alot of time there. It's a nice place, called Lips, at circular road (behind boat quay). I'm advertising for him...heehee.
Right erm... oya, I think I'm gonna go out and get drunk on valentine's, since I'm as good as single. Anyone wanna join me?
I really need to sleep...
I should get off MSN conversations...
I dunno what else to blog.
I'm gonna go random soon.
Oh and I miss Rach.
Erm yeah, anyway...
Nothing.
Heehee.
When will my hair dry?!!!!! Can't sleep if its wet...
>.<
Lucky~!
Wednesday, February 4, 2004
09:53 p.m.
Today, according to the Lunar calendar, is my birthday. Of course going by the Gregorian version (the more popular one, in case you didn't know) there's still 11 days left. *BIG HINT*
Anyway, my grandmother, she's got this tradition of asking the birthday person to pick 4 numbers so that she can go buy 4-D. Apparently, its supposed to be lucky (iow: she strikes 4-D). Well, I've been doing it all my life since I was a kid till now, year after year. Guess what? Not once have any of my numbers won her anything.
Until today, that is.
Lucky ^__________________^
Plus my grandma's really quite happy with the couple hundreds she'll be getting, so its all good. Her joy is mine as well.
Tonight, I'm sleeping early ^^
Oh and before I forget, here's an excerpt from a conversation that between two of my classmates, Lembok (meaning soft, like a sissy) and Stress Boy [SB] (this nickname is self-explainatory) in class this afternoon:
SB: Jewellery design is boring. Lembok: No what, when you design your own jewellery, how can it be boring? SB: Ya, but when you're just starting out, you have no money, no reputation, who's gonna buy your designs? At the most you'll just be hired to make, not design jewellery. Lembok: Nah, I believe that as artists we should follow our own passions (Lemme insert here. Normally, I can't stand Lembok, but I must admit that that sentence was well said.) SB: You people are too naive, you have no sense of time. How can you follow your passion when you don't have money?
Well, in that case, what are you doing hee in Fine Arts?
I've never liked Stress Boy, I think he's a lazy fuck whom opted for Fine Arts because he felt it was an easy way out, the wide, smooth road to a diploma. But after hearing this few statements of his, well, I'm still not fond of Lembok, but Stress Boy... Taboleh Angkat sia! I almost detest that lazy fuck. I mean, coming to class, doing nothing, commenting on other's work, repeating his mantra: 'I'm bored' (he came over to me and told me that too. My reply: Your puasar lah!) before hiding off one corner reading juvenile comics. Finally, he grabs the chance to run of early. Which leaves me thinking: Why's he here in this course again?
Oh well...anyway...
I really need to change my blog music. I'm sick and tired of the current one. Hopefully I find a new one soon.
Tuesday, February 3, 2004
11:54 p.m.
Imagine...you are sleeping soundly, in the midst of a wonderful dream...suddenly, your handphone rings, waking you up and breaking you from your awesome dream. Still in a sleep induced haze, you fumble for your phone and looking at the ID, sees that the caller is someone whom you have not contacted in over a year. When you aswer the phone, the first words out of her mouth are, "I don't want to go to school liao. Can you be my father?".
Interesting way to wake up, isn't it?
Nope, its not some opening plot from a show or anime series. Its how I was woken up this morning. Turns out this old friend of mine wanted to get an early dismissal today and asked her school to call me, saying that I was her dad.
-_-;;;
Anyhow, I'm going to sleep now. Tomorrow, I hope to wake up the way I normally do.
Normally, that is.
Cut
Sunday, February 1, 2004
11:14 p.m.
I never knew fliming could be so tiring. And I wasn't even doing anything!
Was at the filming of Cut, the new short flim by Royston Tan regarding Singaporean censorship today. Was supposed to be in the fliming, but I arrived pretty damn late, so ended up just watching the whole process instead and boy, it's tiring. The takes and re-takes and re-takes... woo. Still, it was an eye opener since this is the first time I've been on a flim shoot, so I just sat there absorbing the went on. ^^ Plus I chatted up with the makeup artist, Melissa, whom thought I was 25 or 27 years old. >.< She's hot though. Beat all the bikini babes there hands down! ^^
And I got to see Mike in nothing by a tiny white undergarment. He's body is gorgeous... think greek god and you've got it. Perfectly sculptured! *Drools* Wait, I'm straight. ^^
Anyway, too tired to continue. I need my beauty sleep.
Gong Xi Fa Cai~!
Thursday, January 22, 2004
02:00 a.m.
Happy happy new year! Gong xi fa cai~!
Haha. Just this afternoon, I was none too excited abt the Chinese New Year, afterall, I never have been. Have always hated it, and probably still do. Not to mention that I'm sick. But...
Well, had reunion dinner with my family, before heading down to meet up with my friends from China. We was there at Wu Qiong's (A China guy) place and having fun drinking and eating and stuff, then suddenly, they started tearing and crying. Now these friends of mine, their supposed to be tough guys, Chinese gangsters and whatnots in theor hometown. tattooed all over and stuff, and suddenly their all sombre and tearing and I asked 'what's going on?', after all, it *IS* the CNY, a big, happy deal for 'em. And then Guang Feng tells me its all 'bout missing home and family and instantly I understood.
We're Chinese, no matter if we're Singaporean or China, and fillia piety's a fuckin big deal to us, and at that moment, I realized how hard it must be for 'em, to be away from family during the CNY, not being able to have the reunion dinner with their families, and at that moment I realized now blessed, how lucky I was to have me family close by my side. I realized that they've been da ones giving me the moral support and driving me along evey step of my life, believing in me when no one else would, supporting me in my passion for the arts even when I was rediculed by my fuckin relatives, defending me from my assorted fucked-up uncles and and aunties and all those bastards and sons and daughters of pox riddled mangy bitches and crossbreeds of goats and donkeys, through it all, uts been my family man.
That and the fact that I'm on home ground. Unlike my china friends, alone on foreign soil with on one but a couple friends... And I realized, I truely realized that I was one blessed chap. And looking at them, all I could do was to console them with words of friendship, spoken from the heart, but nonetheless, I was not their family. None of 'em was. We were all just friends. Nonetheless, I felt honored to be the only Singaporean classmate and friend they invited, I felt touched to be able to see this private side of 'em. For us Chinese, well, A man can bleed but he don't fuckin shed no tears and I don't but any of that sensative new age guy bullshit and well, that moment, it was almost sacred.
I can but thank them for their friendship, Guang Feng, Zhang Feng, Wu Qiong, thank you. And I thank God that through them, he's showed me the importance of family. I may still hate the CNY, but I now know the importance of my wonderful, loving and supportive family.
Gong xi fa cai~!
And the walls were painted red afterwards...
Wednesday, January 14, 2004
06:50 p.m.
I'm feeling homicidal...I can envision the walls scarlet with blood...and it ain't gonna be mine...
Da lecturer that rejected all but one of my 10 prints...and it wasn't cos they were bad or lousy...
Reach for the cutter...
On the bright side, I go to know one of my classmates and she's cool. Plus her mum gave me a ride home today too ^_____________^
Shut the fuck up...
Friday, January 9, 2004
10:56 p.m.
New blog entry.
School's started for about a week now and its been fuckin eventful. For one, I've got myself a new clique. One and all, we're playful slackers with a fuckin attitude. Which is a good thing when you're in a class filled with bastards. Feel the hostility...
It's fuckin terrible, my classmates. It's like, project presentation, alright, the presentation's done, now class, any questions?
Hell yeah, questions from almost all them motherfuckers, only they aren't really questions. Their more like statements. Negative statements with the aim of shooting the person down. They can't be convinced, each of 'em thickheads are firm in their believe that they are right and you are wrong, in that polite but fuckin sarcastic manner, venom dripping from a courteous smile.
And everytime I see the victim, someone whom has obviously put in great effort, only to be torn and ripped apart, its horrible. They try to explain and reply to the questions, but the inquisitor will always remain unconvinced and continue shooting, and then like a pack of fuckin hyneas, the rest of the arseholes join in the firing squad.
It's pathetic.
The way I see it, either give constructive comments or sincere questions, otherwise, don't tekan, just shut the fuck up. And I make that known to them all, loud and fucking clear.
Me, I don't bother with being nice and polite sarcastic. I'm too tired of that old game. Just give 'em hell with a whole load of attitude. Whereas they are politely hostile, we're openly hostile, and it works. It shuts the fuck outta them, the bastards.
Still, today was a good day. Today was our presentation. And when every group was doing paintings, we did a Fluxus performance, and we shut the fuck outta them cos we were good. We were damn good. We were the fuckin best and we knew it, they knew it, the lecturer knew it.
Any questions, class?
Hell no. Quiet as a fuckin grave when we ended. Until we had to taunt them to ask, and still they didn't. Apart from the lect and Jae, I dun think anyone else really understood what we were doing. It was, obviously, too profound for those small-minded pricks. They whom are the reason people call artists 'stupid'.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
Whither art thou, oh Time! oh Maturity! oh my youth!
Thursday, Janurary 1, 2004
12:01am
Happy New Year.
Even as I am typing this, it is 2 minutes into the new year. 2004. I slipped into the new year brushing out my hair, alone in my room. So I realized that I was into the new year 1 minute late after I sat down in front of my computer.
Just like that, I slipped into the new year all alone in my room with no one to wish me good tidings for the new year except for me and myself. All in all, the whole affair was without fanfare and quite peaceful.
I am content.
However, I wish to make a correction. It isn't happy new year. At least not for me. I am not happy. rather, I am simply ambivalent, as I seem to be on almost everything of late. As such, let me rephrase the opening phrase of this entry.
Ambivalent New Year.
Still, this was not the way I had it planned. By rights, I am supposed to be with my former classmates even right now as I compose this new entry. Today, or rather yesterday, was the day of my sec 4 class reunion. I had been looking forward to it, to meet up with classmates whom I haven't seen in 3 years.
And I did. And I found them exactly the same as I remembered them. Exactly the same, unchanged.
It was depressing. Whither art thou, maturity?
I cannot relate to them anymore. Things have changed. Or rather, I have changed.
And so for 4 hours I sat there, alone and aloof, listening to their shallow conversations before I decided that I hd had enough. As I left, I felt a great sense of relief and peace. Now I am back home and alone and I have no reason to complain, save that I wish my wife was here with me. ^^
I detect a certain sense of arrogance in my view of them and this affair. But I am but human and recourse to the fallacies of men is within my rights. Right or not matters not. It is my thoughts and my views that I put down here in this blog of mine. I am under no constrain for perfection. Only my own colored views.
Moving on.
Indeed, one can be in the midst of a crowd and still feel lonely, yet be all alone and perfectly content.
Words of wisdom for the new year!
After-Christmas Prayer
Friday, December 26, 2003
01:48 p.m.
Dear God.
Christmas is finally over. Thank you Lord. Thank you so much.
Amen.
A Christmas Prayer
Thursday, December 25, 2003
12:59 p.m.
Dear God,
I fucking hate christmas and all the falsehood that comes along with this big farce that it has now become.
Just ME treading on the edges of sanity, frequently falling into the otherrealm, a firm believer in Freudism, actively seeking to destroy the boundary between the 30% and 70% so that the mind becomes a terrifying surrealistic whole, currently suceeding. Cynical, sarcastic, caustic, nonetheless loveable (I think) and funny (Confirmed). Sadly, unloved (I suspect), but still funny (Confirmed). Currently involved in a love-hate relationship with the sun. The hate is winning though over though. Takes great pleasure in many things, including...
Sleeping eating drinking art intoxication friends bathing reading writting drawing art sex peace love milo coffee tea milk alcolhol slacking art smoking music beauty anime manga movies and so so so much more...like if people would just randomly drop dead. Why can't you just die? Whoever you are or may be anyway.
I take that back. People deserve to live. Or maybe not...hmm...
Currently Reading...
The Prince by Niccolo Machiavelli. The Prince shocked Europe on publication with its advocacy of ruthless tactics for gaining absolute power and its abandonment of conventional morality. For his treatis on statecraft Machiavelli drew upon his own experience of office under the turbulent Florentine republic, rejecting traditional values of political theory and recognizing the complicated, transient nature of political life. Concerned not with lofty ideas but a regime that would last, The Prince has become the bible of the realpolitik, and still retains its power to alarm and to instruct.
My Dreams...
Conquering the World.
Failing that, becoming a renowned artist, author, poet and philosopher. Also, to bring back a neo-DaDa movement. The world needs more excitement not including sax and violins.
My Desires...
--: I desire nothing. I have no lack of wants, yet no real need. But I desire nothing. For to desire is to hunger, to crave and to lust and to be that is to be in bondage to chains unseen and thus far worst and more malign. To desire is to harbor virulence that soon leads to avarice and ultimately, when one's will is nothing more then a slave subject to that overwhelming desire, one loses one's dignity, or worst, humanity, and reverts to an animalistic existence. Therefore I have nothing in the way of desires, though I am saddled down by many wants, which include:
--: Unconditional Love
--: Money. Endless amounts of it.
--: Slimming down somemore
--: Longer hair
--: A New Computer
--: A good camera
Credits...
Thanks to Myself for doing this inovative new blog layout.
