..: yesterday :.. i slept like the entire day like usual.. i don't even know how i'm going to get back on track for Sunday ><;; so anyway, let's see. I got up and i talked to Govan. Apparently, Vanessa had the idea that we'd all go bowling but by the time that the meeting time rolled around, she had decided to cancel and not tell anyone that she did besides Tony. SO, me n Govan kinda just rushed around and tried to find ppl to hang out with. But SHannon was shopping with Allison, Christina was watching a movie with her mom, and Tony was going to some kind of play thingie with Ally Caruana. And the whole thing was jipped. SO, me n Govan just decided to meet at Court Jester so we could make Egan wait on us. I got there around 8:30 and as i was walking up to the door, this big group of men come out and their all old and one of them stops walking, looks at me and waves his hand gesturing towards the door and says to me "Welcome. Come this way, beauty." Or some other inaudible thing that i couldn't really understand since he had an italian accent or something. Okay, from that moment, i was extremely scared. So anyway, I get inside and the place is SWAMPED. I mean, there are drunk people all over the place and the moment i walk in, everyone stops and stares at me. And some stupid blonde girl next to me CUTS in front of me in the line to get a table and she gives me all these dirty looks. So, finally in the midst of all this chaos, I see Egan and i'm like "THANK GOD".. being alone in that environment is nerve racking. So he came up to me and asked me for a hug and i gave him one of course. So he worked to get me a table. Meanwhile I was just standing there and this blond girl and her friend were giving me evil looks and i'm hoping to GOD that i don't have to wait that long. So Egan comes back and he's like "come here". So he brings me to a table and he's like "shhh, i don't want my manager to know". So anyway, i was chilling there and kinda edgy cuz the table was in plain site of the bar and that's where all the scary horny middle-aged single drunk men were. And they were all staring at me and i was like ><;; LALALLALALA, staring off into some oblivion. So Egan came and chilled with me for a while which made me feel much better, btw. And then he left again doing his rounds n stuff. So finally, Govan gets here. So we sat and pondered on what we should get. I decided on a portabella mushroom burger but we were debating on whether or not it was one large mutant mushroon or just "numerous" mushrooms. So anyway, we ordered. I got my burger. it was so DAMN good. wow. We talked and laughed and did random things. Somehow, we always end up talking about porno. Idunno. lol. We also waited for Egan to get off work. He got off around 10:20 or something. So after that, we head over to this hickville billiards hall. And I immediately get scared cuz i'm there and there's just a buncha people lounging around smoking and playing pool it's just scary. I noticed there were absolutely no non-white people there. That scared me. I think Holmdel is really supposed to be Hicksville or Cracker Town. So anyway, we were waiting for a under 21 table but all the "kids" wouldn't leave so we just ended up playing video games and ice hockey for a while. After we realized that we probably won't be getting a table, we left and headed for 711 cuz u know, that's where all the cool kids go. So we walked around and Egan bought sour skittles and a slurpy and i don't think Govan bought anything, weird. I bought some Nesquik banana milk. It's mucho much the good times. So anyway, as we were walking around aimlessly like we usually do, these three asian guys came in. And they were laughing and talking and then they saw me and they just stopped and walked past me. It was really funny. Two of them were cute. They were Korean, so there was mucho much the likey ^_^ One was in a yellow jacket and he was CUTE. I think the other one in a black puffy jacket (the one that Govan noticed) was hot too. The other one was kinda small and fat lol. ><;; i'm so superficial. Oh well. So anyway, we hung outside for a while and then I went home. I called up Trina and we talked about being guys again. It was good times. And i think that's it. I just found out that my mom's leaving for the PI today and they didn't even tell me :P i dunno if i'm gonna be able to chill tonight like i planned. oh well. That's it. Teddy wrote me a love song on Saturday, January 26, 2002 at 05:51 p.m.. ..: an extremely odd dream :.. i didn't really have it last night but rather this morning.. i can't remember all of it now but this is what i think happened: First, i was at a school assembly but in a huge hall with all my classmates and friends and they were calling up certain students to teach a line dance. So a bunch of my friends went up including Egan and Tony.. (they're the only ones i really remember).. i remember i wasn't supposed to be part of the group that went up but i wanted to so for some reason, i asked Govan for permission and then went up there. As i got to the stage where everyone was, they were handing out red Disney baseball caps and visors and i noticed Trina was wearing both kinda thuggishly. I wanted one but i assumed since i was one extra that they didn't have one but someone working there went up to Tony and offered him a khaki set and i told him the khaki ones look better so as he would give me his red ones. But they person working there had given me my own set of red ones. So the program was starting so i just put on the baseball cap. So we were actually battling against another group to learn how to do a line dance and i remember at one point, we were standing and doing the dance and when we shuffled forward, the other group was right in front of us so we had to line-dance in between the other group who was sitting on the floor. At any rate, i think we won.. i'm not exactly sure but then it was me, Egan, Tony and a buncha other school friends and we were doing an act out on the stage. We were grouped together as if were going through a dangerous forest and somehow, we had these little wands that served as tazors. So people started to pour onto the stage from the back and i watched as other students from my school came onto it. I remember seeing people like Jordan, and J. And for some reason, i shot at them with my tazor and they laughed but i was supposed to shoot them and then they'd walk off the stage almost symbolize that i had wounded them with my "tazor" and they had to leave. So then after the kids from school came on the stage, I saw that there were these massive creatures somewhat resembling men but not really hulking onto the stage. I got really scared and tried to zap them with my wand but it didn't work. So me and my group starting running. We had finished off all the students and they were heading off the stage but the giants kept following us and our wands didn't seem to work on them. So we went through this glass door at the end of the stage and i remember shooting at J and somehow it didn't affect her but she just smiled at me and she said "it didn't work.. haha" lol. but then i shot at i think Vanessa? through the glass door. I thought that was cool lol. So anyway, i remember running away from the big monsters. My group split up and i was on my own. We were in this big expensive house with a lotta really cool rooms and furniture. I don't exactly remember what happened next. I remember that was one of my group and he was fighting the monster and i ran away but i came back and i thought that he had killed the monster but died doing it but i looked up the stairs and saw two cute korean guys coming down the stairs and i was like "is the monster gone?" and they were like "no, it's still wandering around the house but so-and-so *the guy that was fighting him.. i dun remember his name* is out fishing" and i was like "fishing?" so i went out of the room and i was outside and he was out by the beach making a massive pile of fish in the shape of a fish. I realized he was using it as bait for the monster. I don't really remember what happened after that but the next part i remember was i was in the basement and I was swinging from these wooden things on the ceiling. Everything seemed normal. For reason, everyone in the basement was asian lol and the guys were cute ><;; so anyway, i was swinging through the basement from wooden plank to wooden plank and i examined each room before venturing further into the basement. So then i settled in there. I remembering seeing a cute asian guy walk across the room and used the phone. Then i looked at a glass door across the room and i saw one of the giants standing there. I couldn't see the top of it because its body was so huge. So i swung into a small room and hid and watched as the giant came in and scared all the humans away then it came after me. I headed for the kitchen and i climbed up a refrigerator and thought that maybe he wouldn't find me in there. So i opened it but there was no space for me so i tried to climb up farther to fit in one of the overhead cabinets but i couldn't reach it. Somehow, there was another girl with me. She screamed "look out! head for the side!" and i didn't know what she was talking about. But i turned to my left and the giant was there, trying to get through the crack of the wall. I began to kick all these things at him, i threw all these kitchen appliances at him and it noticed that it almost created a wall to protect me but the girl next to me urged that we leave. So we swung out of the room and into a bathroom but when we swung out of that room, we found that we were in the same kitchen we had just been running from. The giant was right behind us and i could hear it breaking down the walls, the debri flying all over the place. So we went back into the bathroom and i realized that we could go upwards. Right above the bathtub was an entrance to the floor above us and i pulled myself up with all my strength and i looked down and the monster couldn't get up and i caught the glimpse of a hair dryer in the corner of my eye. I think at that moment, i was half awake and i thought logically that i'd turn on the water and drop the hairdryer down there to electrocute the monster. But this was thought up when i was already half awake. it was freaky as hell ><;; so anyway, yah. last night me n Trina were talking about what it would be like if we were guys. I figured that we'd both be gay (since we like guys too much but we'd never like each other, ew) and that we'd be girl-magnets and that we'd be promiscuous. We'd party constantly. Now Trina's physical description is like Austin but taller and buffer. He's like the cute one. He dresses in whutever (like Austin does), like one day gq, then the next thug, then the next prep. He'd have ear piercings and he'd have blonde streaks or something like that. (Which is Austin :P) She said that he'd wear glasses n he would stick to darkish colors (like blue, or dark red, black n gray). He's kind of the charmer. The one that flirts more. He would wear jewelry (but not to the point where its gay *tho we are gay*) and he'd wear big big baggy pants with a pocket watch cuz she thinks that cute ^_^ As for me, I'm like 6 foot. Tall and buff lol. I stick to mostly black and grey as my colors and i don't flirt. Girls come to me tho i reject them cuz i'm gay lol but i like playing with them cuz i'm conceited and i know i look good (God, i'm an asshole. oh well, it's okay i'm allowed to be, i'm a guy). I'm like Trina.. wears whutever tho i usually stick to the casual Gq n the thug looks rather than prep. The only time i don't wear black and grey is when i'm just lounging prolly in some fleece pants, khakis, or UFO's and a wifebeater. Jewelry would be at a minimum. A chain, two studs or a hoop, and one ring. Don't really talk much but the dark mysterious aura is good with the ladies (tho i'm not interested in them lol). mayn, if we were guys, we'd be plaaayyyeeeerrrrssss. LOL. and we'd be hot! dude. LOL, i gotta anime me as a guy. good times. so anyway, i saw gym guy yesterday. I wasn't planning on seeing him because i thought i had scared him away. But he was at the gym late, around 8:30. maybe he goes there at that time now. So anyway, he was on this machine downstairs (i was upstairs) and i could see him like perfectly but i was trying SO hard not to stare at him since iunno. I prolly seem like the biggest stalker and i don't want to. So i watched Whose Line Is It Anyway and it was SO funny. I was trying not to laugh so i just smiled really big and i must of looked like the biggest idiot cuz i was on a cardio-machine smiling like a doofus at a muted television with closed captioning on it. I think gym guy was kind "blah" cuz i wasn't looking at him. Oh well. too bad. He's still hot tho *DROOL*. he was in a black wife beater and UGh *bites hand* wow. so anyway. After i was done, i shot some hoops for a while. The gym was pretty much deserted and i haven't shot hoops since gym class last year. So I started doing some freethrows. I got a bunch in. It felt good. Felt like old times. Then i went home and such. OH! it was SO funny. My mom asks me this morning "how's ur exercise?" (meaning how's the gym) and i go "it's okay" (i mean, what am i supposed to say to that, nahmean?) and then she goes "do you have a boyfriend?" and i just start laughing and i'm like "no" and she's like "are you dating someone?" and i'm like "no". I thought that was SO funny. My mom thinks that i'm seeing someone at the gym ><;; just cuz i go there everyday. AYYYYY, parents have no brains. Aright, that's it. My hands are freezing and supposedly i'm going out bowling with the girls. Maybe i'll blog later. Teddy wrote me a love song on Friday, January 25, 2002 at 05:16 p.m.. ..: blahhhhhh.. :.. hrm.. let's see. today was Wednesday like 50 seconds ago... so i'll blog about then. I woke up around 2PM tho i was supposed to go watch Lord of the Rings for the second time with Fierro and Jen but hey, oops. ><;; so i got up and loafed around for eternity. Did pretty much nothing and attempted to clean my room. I called govan and we decided to hang out. So instead of calling each other like logical people, we just texted each other back and forth because apparently her and my brother are the only people i can text since no one has voicestream tho it is amazingly superior to cingular. So anyway, i told her we'd hang out after i went to power dance at my gym. so it took like three hours to figure out what to do. Finally, i just told her that i'd pick her up (since she lives like 5 minutes from the gym) and we'd figure out what to do then. So i went to the gym. Nothing interesting happened. I hate it when people stare at me which is what everyone does. What? do i have something on my face? what? aaayyyyy ><;; so anyway, gym guy wasn't there. I'm almost convinced that i scared him away when i told my friend govan that he walked right passed me right when he did. maybe he overheard ><;; or maybe i'm just being paranoid --;; so anyway, yah. there was no power dance session today n i got mad. so i actually had to lift. i lifted like more than i usually do cuz i didn't feel like doing the cardio-machine, mayn i was hurting. Oh, i went into this separate room to do my crunches and there were ab bunch of young-looking girls in there and they were talking about how "OMG, like i tried on the dress at size 2 but it so did not fit! OMG!!!" i was about to smack them or shoot myself in the head. Either one seemed very appealing at the time. and this black woman that works there always gives me dirty looks ><;; iunno. so anyway, after my pointless workout, i went to pick up govan. we went to EB mall where i bought my mom cold medicine and we hung out at Barnes and Nobles. I bought myself an Anne Rice collection. I've been meaning to read these books for forever. I wanted to buy the Lord of the Rings series but i didn't feel like spending more of my money ><;; so anyway, we hung out there and laughed at random things and i think we were annoying everyone cuz we were loud and govan made me laugh SO hard. ><;; oh god. so anyway, we got some starbucks and then chilled some more, then we went to Tuesdays for like two seconds and ordered a blondie but since we drank too much of our caramel frappucinos, we weren't feeling up to finishing the blondie. We ate like half and then talked for an hour then left. I hung out at her house for a while and we talked about books and random things like we usually do. and..... that was that. now i'm here and i'm bored and somehow Villanova thinks that i sent them an application which i so didn't and they're like begging me to come to their school since i'm a minority ><;; oh well. so anyway, yah. that's it lol. my mom's leaving for the Philippines tomorrow ><;; two weeks. i'm gonna hafta eat corned beef and bacon for the next two weeks (cuz that's pretty much all my dad is capable of cooking ><;;) aright, that's it. i'll blog tomorrow or something. Teddy wrote me a love song on Thursday, January 24, 2002 at 12:00 a.m.. ..: YES, three days off!! EAT IT!!! :.. LALALALALA, *sing song* i got exempt from finals!!! lalalalala LOLOL.. i'm giddy. Now i get to sleep.... good times! ^_^ hrm... let's see.. nothing happened this week. On monday...... i have absolutely no idea what i did. I think i slept till like 2PM and got up then went to the gym where gym guy was but he was playing b-ball which means no good look-age. It was weird cuz there's that other asian guy, the one that looks like the guy from banana republic (i refer to him as BR guy) and he was there and he was wearing this blue muscle-T and i had never seen him wear anything that didn't cover his arms. Pretty nice tho i don't think he's as cut as gym guy. So anyway, it was weird cuz gym guy was also wearing a blue muscle-T opposed to his usual wifebeater ><;; maybe they coordinated their outfits LOL. So anyway, yah, as i was exiting the gym, i called my friend Govan to have a lil chitchat and the moment she goes "is gym guy there?" and he walks RIGHT passed me. Good times ^_______^. oh, BR guy walked right passed me to. ALSO GOOD TIMES. mayn... if only the two of them would........ *COUGH* nevermind. So anyway, YES, i get three days off and i don't have to go to school till monday ^_^ thank GOD. hey, i got my first build-a-bear today ^__________________^ i got it from J. AWWWW, she's such a sweetie. It's a golden bear with a fuzzy nose and it's wearing blue ribbons on its ears and it's wearing a t-shirt that says Happy Birthday! with a buncha bears dancing around a birthday cake. ^_____^ i was SO giddy when i got it. it definitely put me in a better mood since i was all ticked that I had to go to school on finals review day even though i'm exempt from all my finals ><;; So anyway, J recorded a message that says "hey, enciso. Happy 18th Birthday. May all ur wishes come true. Luv ya. From, J." AWWWWWW, she's so SWEET ^_^ so anyway, yah, i was carrying the big cardboard house that it comes in around cuz it wouldnt fit in my locker and cuz i didn't wanna leave it anywhere. ><;; i knew someone would mess with it or take it. I think everyone known to man asked me to see it, even teachers that i don't know lol. allg. YAAYYYYY, my first build-a-bear! ^______^ i feel special. so hrm.. yah, i was feeling SO sick the entire day. I kept blowing my nose and it just never ended and i hadn't brought any medicine with me so my life was a living hell from first block through third. So after I had taken my calculus test, I went to the nurse and she sent me home early. Thank god. I don't think i'd be able to put up with an hour of physics review when i don't have to take the friggin final ><;; so i went home and i slept for like 5 hours and then I went to the gym. I saw BRguy there but no gym guy ><;; tho there was another really buff asian guy who REALLY looked at me but i think he's like 30. no interest there lol. and now i'm here. Last night, my brother came over and he taught me how to burn mp3's onto a cd. GOOD TIMES. i can fit like 100 songs or so on one cd so pretty much i can fit like 9 albums on one CD. i gotta let my dad's PC rest tho cuz my retarded mom left it on for a while ><;; let's see, oh and my brother got the coolest palm pilot. It's crazy souped up. Mp3 player, he can send me ringtones and access the net from his phone. it is HOT as hell. lol, i have a palm pilot. Good times. it's really dinky compared to John's but hey, it's a palm, nahmean? ^_^ it was funny cuz me n Jen have the same one so we whipped them out in history class. everyone was looking at us like we were freaks ><;; allg. LOL so anyway, i don't really think there's much left to say besides Trina got her license.. yaaayyyyy ^_^ tho i dun think she's gonna start driving on her own till later ><;; allg... at any rate, i think that's it. I just rambled on forever about nothing, didn't i? BLAH. lol Teddy wrote me a love song on Tuesday, January 22, 2002 at 09:27 p.m.. ..: i have no idea what the title of this entry should be :.. LOLOL.. oh well. let's see... so nothing really interesting happened over this weekend. On Friday, i came home from school and slept the entire day. Then on saturday, i was planning on having like everyone over my house to celebrate my birthday.. I'M LEGAL NOW WOOOHOOOOO!! lol no more teen-night for me. So anyway, the snow made everyone stay home. I was kinda feeling blah about it but hey, can't change the weather, nahmean? So yah, Trina n her sisters and Dean n phil came over. That was the turn out. WOOPDEEDOOOO... ironic that the people who live the farthest from me were the only ones that came --;; They gave me my b-day present ^___________^ it's these pictures of waterfalls that when u turn the light on, it looks like the water's moving ^_^ i dun kno where to put them ><;; i'm kinda scared they're gonna fall of my walls n break or something. i thought it was nice ^_^ so anyway, we just hung out and i dean told me about his past in highschool and how he got kicked out n stuff. IT's all so dramatic. He may seem like a lil pocketmonster but he's actually really dangerous O.o lol so anyway, we just hung out and laughed for like 5 years about stupid things like sumo-wrestlers n midgets. Then we watched this anime called Sakura's diary. it was HILARIOUS. It was all perverse about this guy that has like ADD and every other psychological imbalance known to man. It was SO FUNNY. omg, we were cracking up at like 1 in the morning. So anyway, yah, that was fun. Phil n Ice left at like 2AM or something. I had fun. Then we went to bed, it was weird cuz Trina slept in a different room from me (her and her sisters slept over since their mom was working). I wanted her to cuz my mom was like "ur gonna get Trina sick) *i've been sick for the past 4 days* and also SINCE i'm sick, i'm afraid i'd keep her awake with my snoring (i only snore when i'm sick ><;;) so anyway, yah. I woke up this morning and made them bacon n shtuff and we watched cribs for like forever. Mariah Carey is sucha ho (i used to love her before she decided that taking baths in front of the general public was decent), i hate her so ANYWAY, then they went home. I slept for like another 5 hours and now here i am doing nothing. I wanted to take Trina to see Lord of the Rings but her mom's working tonight so NO CAN DO. I wanna see that again so badly... n the cute elf Legolas. He's an archer. I think i'm personally drawn to snipers n archers. That long-distance accuracy n cunning skill thingy. Good times. So anyway, yah. I miss gym guy. Haven't seen him since Thursday. When i was there, he was doing lifting a barbell like in a squatting motion and i was on a machine for ur calf muscles where u sit and so the both of us stop and rest (cuz ur supposed to take short breaks between sets) and i'm sitting there and he sits on the barbell facing me. So i'm staring off into space so i don't look at him but i didn't wanna make it obvious that I was trying to avoid looking at him so i did and he was looking straight at me. ><;; i just turned away. GOD, why does he hafta be so damn hot? oh, the first time i saw him after he cut his hair, he looked baby cute because his hair was just there with no gel n stuff but this time it was all done up with gel n he looked H-O-T HOT. damn, if only he'd shave his head... i think i'd die at that moment lol. So anyway, yah. That's the story of my eventless weekend LOL. maybe i'll blog later. Teddy wrote me a love song on Sunday, January 20, 2002 at 10:06 p.m.. ..: i really miss everyone :.. dedication song #1: "I Am Free" ~Mariah Carey Once I was a prisoner lost inside myself the world surrounding me wandering through the misery but now i am free... you gave me a breath of life unclouded my eyes with a sweet serenity lighting a ray of hope for me And now, I am free... Free to live Free to laugh free to soar Free to shine Free to give Free to love Free enough to fly Once I was all so alone Unsteady and cold But your love rained down upon me Washing away uncertainty But now I am free i miss all my friends. not just my cotillioners tho i probably miss them the most... that seems really odd but i've grown farther and farther from the people who matter to me most. I can't remember the last time I hung out with Vanessa, Shannon, or Allison, Fierro or Dana. It seems like it's been ages. Even Egan, Govan, Tony, Christina, and Kim. We've all been so occupied with work and school and everything that no one has time anymore. We used to go out randomly after school just to sit and talk, eat or just goof around. I still remember the two times that we had gotten like 10 of us together and we bowled at Strathmore. I took a billion pictures of us just being dorks. And i remember hanging out at Dairy Queen on 35 and goofing around in the Toys R Us. All the trips to Cornerstone seem such a long time ago. I miss it. LNC (last name crew): the people who saved my life. Govan, Vanessa, Jordan, Fierro, Lewis and me. The second that we met, we hit it off. I didn't even know anyone besides Vanessa and somehow it had been like we knew each other forever. I learned how to make friends with people who weren't asian after I met LNC. They changed me, my perspective, and the way I looked at things. And now, 3 years later, we've all grown apart. I knew that as time goes on that things change, we meet new people, make new friends and move away from old ones but I personally don't want to. These were the people who changed my life and made me the person that I am today. Why would I want to throw that away just because supposedly it's "just life"? I'd be willing to fight it just to stay close to every friend I meet, any friend who has touched my heart. Why shouldn't everyone else? dediation song #2: "I Turn To You" ~Christina Aguilera When i'm lost in the rain In your eyes I know I'll find the light to light my way When I'm scared, losing ground When my world is going crazy You can turn it all around and when I'm down you're there pushing me to the top You're always there giving me all you got For a shield from the storm For a friend, for a love to keep me safe and warm I Turn to you for the strength to be strong for the will to carry on For everything you do For everything that's true I turn to you When I lose the will to win I just reach for you and I can reach the sky again I can do anything Cuz your love is so amazing cuz your love inspires me and when I need a friend, you're always on my side Giving me faith, taking me through the night For the arms to be my shelter through all the rain for truth that will never change for someone to lean on for a heart I can rely on through anything for the one who I can run to.... I turn to you. k2c: Kristine *k1, Katrina *k2, Catalina (Diane)*c1, and Christine (me) *c2. Two K's. Two C's. K2C. I definitely miss K2C. We clicked so well the second we started hanging out. I don't really even know what it was that we related to but we got close right away. I miss hanging out and just being spazztic. I miss Diane laughing and falling of the bed and I miss Kristine dancing sporadically with her mouth open like this XD *monster face* LOL. *sigh* those were the days... i miss K2C. They renewed my confidence in the asian category. After a while, I stopped wanting to be friends with asian ppl. So many of them are superficial and they have too many rules to just being friends. K2C accepted me for who I was and I began to open up to asians again. I think I miss Kristine and Diane the most. Kristine went off to PSU and Diane i barely see anymore. We never really get to hang out as just K2C and to think back on all that we've been through. I know that even though we're apart, we'll still be friends. dedication song #3: "Remember Me This Way" ~Jordan Hill Every now and then We find a special friend who never lets us down Who understands it all Reaches out each time we fall YOu're the best friend I have found I know you can't stay but part of you will never ever go away Your heart will stay I'll Make a wish for you And hope it will come true That life will just be kind to such a gentle mind When you lose your way Think back on yesterday Remember me this way.... Remember me this way I don't need eyes to see The love you bring to me no matter where I go And I know that you'll be there Forevermore a part of me You're everywhere and I'll always care And i'll be right behind your shoulder watching you I'll be standing by your side in all you do And I won't ever leave As long as you believe, you just believe I'll make a wish for you And hope it will come true That life will just be kind To such a gentle mind When you lose your way Think back on yesterday Remember me this way........ Remember me.... this way Austin n Dale... jeez, i only met them last year but it seems like i've known them a lot longer. I met them through Trina. I talked to Austin online a lot talking about problems and swapping poems. He seemed like a nice guy. I met Dale when I actually met Austin. The first time we chilled, we hit it off. i was surprised. i wasn't sure how to act in front of them but they showed us how dorky they really were by the time that we chilled again after the Old Bridge asian dance. The first time 143 gathered (143 consists of K2C, TOT *Trainz of Thought* (Austin n Dale) and of course, Ray ^_^) Doing michael jackson in a cloud of car exhaust and pretending to drop keys, LOL, Jurassic Park. Me n the guys don't talk that much nowadays but everytime we meet up, it's like we had seen each other every day before that. They're definitely good guys to be around and they make me laugh so hard, TOT luv! ^__________^v dedication song #4: "Whenever You Call" ~Mariah Carey Love wandered inside stronger than you stronger than I And now that it has begun we cannot turn back we can only turn into one I won't ever be too far away to feel you and I won't hesitate at all Whenever You Call and I'll always remember That part of you so tender I'll be the one to catch your fall whenever you call... And i'm truly inspired finding my soul there in your eyes and you have opened my heart and lifted me inside by showing me yourself undisguised And I will breathe for each day comfort you through all the pain gently kiss your fears away You can turn to me and cry Always understand that I Give you all that I am inside... And I won't ever be too far away to feel you And I won't hesitate at all whenever you call And i'll always remember that part of you so tender and be the one to catch your fall Whenever you call... last but not least... RICE. LOL, i'm still laughing at how corny the name is but i guess it suits them. Phil, Dean, Kelvz, and JD. I just met them. It seems like they've been a part of my life forever. i knew from when we piled into a chat room and started just spazzing out that they'd be interested people to chill with. I didn't think i'd get this close to them. They're four guys that I never thought I'd meet, I never thought I'd get to know. Living up north about an hour and a half away. Most of them are in college minus Kelvz who's a junior. What are the odds that you'll meet 4 guys like that? I remember thinking that they were so funny and dorky. They made me laugh so hard when I first met them. Dean with his spazztic chat, JD with his card tricks, Kelvin used to scare me with his muscles lol. Phil was always the quiet one. But i guess that there's always one in each group. But i saw what a dork he could be later on lol. The one that really impressed me was that they didn't judge me before they got to know me. They accepted me into the group all friendly-like. I usually don't get that kind of thing from asian guys who have already been friends. They feel intimidated by me and they think i'm prolly some unemotional person that doesn't know how to have fun. I knew from that moment that they'd be really good guys to be friends with. They're definitely very open to meeting new people and that's something that I can't find in asian society. The four of them are just so different in everyway but they contribute to this mix of personality that forms RICE. I'm really glad I got to know them ^_^ Last dedication song: "Thank God I found You" ~Mariah Carey, Joe, and 98 Degrees i would give up everything before I'd separate myself from you after so much suffering I finally found unvarnished truth I was all by myself for the longest time so cold inside and this hurt from the the heartache would not subside I felt like dying Until you saved my life Thank God I found you I was lost without you My every wish and every dream somehow became reality When you brought the sunlight completed my whole life I'm overwhelmed with gratitude My baby I'm so thankful I found you... I will give you everything There's nothing in this world I wouldn't do To insure your happiness I cherish every part of you Cause without you beside me I can't survive Don't want to try If you're keeping me warm each and every night I'll be alright Becuase I need you in my life See I was so desolate before you came to me Looking back I guess it shows that were destined to shine after the rain to appreciate the gift of what we have and i'd go through it all over again to be able to feel this way Thank God i found you I was lost without you My every wish and every dream somehow became reality when you brought the sunlight completed my whole life I'm overwhelmed with gratitude cuz baby, i'm so thankful i found you.... There's not much left to say. There are so many words that I can't describe right now that i'm feeling. Just knowing that I have loving friends who care about me makes me so happy and i can feel it inside my chest beating in my heart. I can't thank them enough. I luv them... Dedication Poem: An Ode~* A wave of devotion like the fire of desire cuz it's ur love that's blessing and lifting me higher a comforting hand, the sound of ur voice, ur encouragement and ur faith in my choice. your smiles and ur laughter just brighten my day and you each touch my heart in your own special way my very existence is driven by you and you've all changed my life though you never knew i'd give up my life, everything that i own just to pay you back for all the love that u've shown i'd write out ur names in the stars just to see that if one thing i know: you inspire me... i luv u guys... *muah* one. Teddy wrote me a love song on Friday, January 18, 2002 at 08:44 p.m.. ..: a poem :.. wrote this in school... i kept thinking about the guy n hey, i got all depressed so... here's what i was thinking: "Nameless Hurt" A walking god sheer perfection flawless, untouched beautiful. each move, each look, stops time the world holds its breath one glance, i'm frozen still helpless, vulnerable an hour passes in a second time bends and disappears so close to touch yet miles away burning my heart wounding my soul it hurts. within. holding back tears that should not exist hopelessness clouds the mind no thoughts. just him. nameless. unknown. suspense builds in my body pulling me. luring me back a stranger one glance one wish: that i had never noticed him... that was utterly pathetic and obsessive but hey, what i'm feeling is what i'm feeling. At any rate, i saw him today. HE GOT A HAIRCUT. No more braids n bandana. But he looks so baby-cute ^_^ which is what i like about him in the first place. I didn't get to see his hot bod tho cuz I went to a power-dance session. GOD, that shit is HARD. We were doing all these hard moves n shit. I felt like a retard cuz i had no idea what i was doing but all the women in there had been there like 10 times n it was my first time --;; it's crazy. So yah, that was fun tho. I didn't get to see gym guy that much tho.. T.T hopefully he'll be there tomorrow. oh, me n dean had super-bff moments last night. He was reading my mind seriously. We're now the crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon BFF's cuz i'm a tiger n he's a dragon ^_________________^. aright, well that's it... i should be studying for Calc and History tests.. UGGGGHHHHHHHH... blah. that's it! Teddy wrote me a love song on Wednesday, January 16, 2002 at 09:20 p.m.. ..: serves me right :.. well.. the anonymous godly man that i was so hyped up about has disappeared. I haven't seen him for the past 4 days and it makes me wonder if he's avoiding me --;; makes sense if he is. He prolly thinks i'm a stalker (and i'm not. I'm just an obsessive freak)... oh well. This kind of thing always seems to happen to me. Find something good that i can think about with high hopes and it just turns sour. *sigh* so anyway, besides not see my prince charming, i was having a pretty good day. I got to school tired as hell but the morning seemed optimistic. I think I did well first period on the physics test that I had studied so hard for last night (and early this morning) and I also think I did pretty good on the history test that I had the next period. I hadn't brought my book with me to class and after the test, we were supposed to be doing the packet. I asked Mr. Shepherd if I could get my book and he goes "well, ur not having a good month now are u? ever since ur cotillion it's been like phht! *he makes a motion with his thumb*" and it was the truth. I had been so worn out after cotillion and somehow i still am. I am dying to just have a day to sleep ALL DAY AND NOT CARE. but then he goes "but u had fun right?" which made me feel a lot better knowing that he wasn't all upset about the whole thing. I told him that i was doing a lot better this week (which i am even tho my karma is still somewhere in the depths of the swamp) and that I had studied extra hard for the test. He just smiled at me. Thank God Mr. Shepherd doesn't hate me or else i'd prolly be failing. During lunch, i chilled with the lil crew that i usually chill with. Egan, Govan, Christina, Kim... the posse (tho i usually sit with Trina in the art room)... i had fun... i like spending lunch with them, i feel happier for third period. It's funny cuz my friend Govan is not PC that she calls Egan (an irish kid) a "cracker" and today she holds out a bag of saltines to him and says "cracker?". I just started laughing. And i hate a spoiled banana with brown splotches all over it and we said that it was Govan since she's half black/japanese. Black n Yellow --;; we are so conspicuously racist... but it's funny within our group. At any rate, I went to Calc class and i actually understood what we were doing. It's easy but a lot of kids in our class just don't get it (which makes no sense cuz pretty much all of them are 20 times smarter than I am). After that, art was okay. I handed in like 40 of the homeworks that i didn't do and i started on a new painting that I got pretty far on... i move slug speed when it comes to painting so getting a lot done was very good for me.. Then after that, I went to drama and watched the movie for the musical. The whole thing is extremely depressing cuz it's just about a bunch of hicks n stuff. Thank god i'm just a scientist. So anyway, after that I went to the gym where the hot guy didn't show up (atleast not while I was there).. i didn't stay long because i'm tired and i have shiet to do and also my discman ran out of battery and i was stuck music-less. (it sux) Maybe he came after. But here was a guy that left with a hood on. Maybe that was him avoiding me --;; maybe i'm jux paranoid. so anyway, that's pretty much it. I have to go make cards for Culture Awareness Club........ blah. one. Teddy wrote me a love song on Monday, January 14, 2002 at 08:04 p.m.. ..: i just figured something out! :.. i woke up today around 10:30 and i was lying in bed thinking about that guy from the gym (as always)... and i thought back to a time when I was in Edison with my parents and we were eating at a Burger King that i always used to go to as a kid. So i'm sitting there across the table from my parents eating a chicken nuggets kid's meal and then i see this blond white girl sit down at a couple table behind my parents and i'm sitting there thinking "jeez, that girl looks young. WHy is she here by herself?" and i noticed she was eating a kid's meal too (i guess cuz she didn't wanna eat that much). at any rate, i went back to doing my thing with my parents who were for some reason extra happy that day and we were joking around about the Lord of the Rings toy i had gotten with my meal when this really hot asian guy comes and he sits down with the blond girl. Now i'm sitting there thinking about how unfair it is that this hot asian dude is going with a not-so-pretty young looking white girl and what i noticed was his bandana and his braids. I'm not sure..... but i think that might have been the same guy that goes to my gym. I mean, it's either they are or there are two guys with the same shaped face, the same bandana and the same hair that I've seen for the past few days. ANd it just makes me feel even worse cuz at Burger King, he was all looking at me and i remember laughing so hard cuz my dad was being stupid with the Pippin toy that we got with the meal and i remember thinking about what an idiot i must look like in front of this guy. But he picks up the one his girl got with the meal and starts playing around with it and i'm there thinking "aw, he's just a dork". I dunno but if he is the guy at the gym, that just makes him 20 times more perfect and it's killing me cuz he's probably still with the blond girl. I had seen him at woodbridge when I went to go take pictures with Kristine, Diane and Trina and now he goes to my gym? i think that's weird. I need to find out about this guy. And to add to that, there's a hot asian guy that works at the Banana Republic in Freehold Mall and he looks kinda oldish but I just realized that there's a guy that looks just like him at my gym and they might be the same guy O.o this is jux weird. AND THE TWO GUYS WERE TALKING TO EACH OTHER. UGH! kill me now.... aright, i'm done babbling... maybe i'll blog later if something interesting happens.. Teddy wrote me a love song on Saturday, January 12, 2002 at 02:37 p.m.. ..: i don't know why i can't stop thinking about him... :.. okay, #1.. my blog sux cuz my brother's domain is down (and it's prolly gonna be down for a while so i'm jux sticking to the basics).. ya'll are gonna hafta put up with this kindergarten HTML works here... at any rate, to go back to the title that is so apparently running across your web browser, there's this guy that i keep seeing at my gym. I started going to the gym when I started on my diet, I go there almost everyday and so does he. The first time I saw him, I thought "ooo! hot asian guy!" and I added him to my list of amazing hot males but a week afterward, I had almost convinced myself that he was just "okay" and i had just thought he was hot (I didn't have time to go to the gym cuz of cotillion and therefore, I didn't see him). But recently, I've been seeing him everyday at the gym and I will tell you that this man is a vision of beauty. Now, I am a picky girl. If i think a guy is hot, he is HOT. But this guy... he is a vision of perfection. The first thing I noticed was definitely his arms which were so vacantly displayed from the wifebeater he was wearing. For some reason, guys with nice arms just attract me... arms and pecs.. those catch my eye. So anyway, his arms are seriously like the size of my body and each muscle is so intricately defined that everytime he lifts a finger, his whole arm contracts. lol... so anyway, he's this mass of muscle with perfect perfect tan-but-not-too-tan skin and he has corn rows (or braids, can't tell) and he constantly wears a bandana. His face is cute and handsome at the same time (which i think makes him 20 times hotter) and he dresses nice. Saying that he looks like a god in a wifebeater is an understatement. This guy is immaculate. Another thing that I noticed when I first met him was that he looked at me. Yah, he probably looked at me #1 because I'm asian, #2 cuz i'm a girl working out in a gym filled with guys. But he still looked at me. I don't get many looks from asian guys simply because I'm not your average asian. Yes, I get the "hey you're asian" look but not the "hey, your asian and not bad" look. Well, as he kept passing by that first night, he kept looking at me, possibly because he just wanted to see if he had gotten my attention (a lotta buff asian guys have egos twice the size of their muscles). At any rate, I've seen him at the gym everyday for this past week and even though I don't even know his name, I think about him constantly. It's non-stop. In class, right before I fall asleep, while i'm watching TV, while I'm taking a test. I just think about him. I think about whether or not he's disgusted with me (which is a big possibility considering that i'm 17, i'm still in high school, i'm an overweight 5'7" filipino girl who has no friends at the gym, and that i drool over him constantly) or he's just okay with me being there. I often wonder what he's thinking, whether or not it bothers him if i'm working out on a machine close to him. I don't know but this guy has occupied my mind constantly for the past week. This guy that I don't know anything about. This guy that I refer to as "the hot asian guy with the bandana who goes to my gym". This guy that I probably will not say more than two words to has been stuck in my head day and night. It aggravates me. Just to think that my vision of him could be completely wrong. Somehow, I'm sitting here thinking that he's probably some really sweet guy who is committed to their girlfriend and drives a nice car. Who'll not be ashamed to pick me up at school and we'll just lay together in each other's arms and just be happy. But y'kno what? He's probably nothing like that. I haven't the slightest clue about this guy and as far as I know, he could possibly be gay. (which wouldn't be bad, mind you) I don't know what to expect from this guy. My friends keep telling me, "go talk to him" and i imagine myself going up to him, introducing myself and he just looks at me and says something so as not to hurt my feelings but then avoids me every second afterwards. My friends tell me that it's better to do something than not do it and regret it later. And i kno they're right but there's no easy way of doing this. I guess we'll just have to see over time. I'm done. Maybe i'll blog tomorrow. Teddy wrote me a love song on Saturday, January 12, 2002 at 01:03 a.m.. ..: new format :.. hey people... this is my new cheesy format... lol all orange and crackly n stuff... u can see the alleged Teddy n JinHwan cuddly picture... ^_^;; hehehe... arighteez, well it's still in the making cuz my compie is blah :P arighteez.. that's it for now Teddy wrote me a love song on Friday, November 30, 2001 at 09:27 p.m..