The Pike Version 4

about

My name is Liang and I lead a mundane life. I engage in activities like photography, guitar-ing, songwriting, changing blog designs and rotting. I love rotting.

I am sometimes mildly depressive and when I am, I lament about how nobody loves me and how long I've been unattached...

MOVED

Go HERE!.
I moved!

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piked at
11:31 p.m.
Tuesday, January 27, 2004

Random Stupids

You know mums like to add water to shampoo that's finishing so that it's not wasted? Or is it just me mum who does it?

Anyway I was happily squirting the pantene thingie then it ricocheted and hit me eye! It hurt but I was laughing anyhow...

Random stupids brought to you from the life of Liang by Liang!

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piked at
05:50 p.m.
Friday, January 23, 2004

And so I break the silence with this...

Bulldozer

You my dear are a bulldozer
Recklessly crushing all things in your path
I am a stop sign trying to catch your attention

Of course you don’t stop
You drive past me
Recklessly beautiful

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piked at
01:01 a.m.
Monday, January 19, 2004

Numb But Still Pain

I’m so jaded
I’m numbed
But I still feel the pain

Do you know when I am jealous or I think back on past rejections or basically when I'm really depressed I feel real heartaches? There's a physical discomfort in the centre of my chest, like a very sour feeling.

You.
Can we just be friends and act like all is normal?
Will we ever have that innocence back?
Can I feel the warmth, your idio-city, your familiarity again?
I'm stumped and stupid. I don't make sense but I know one thing, I know it hurts me, and I am also quite sure it hurts only me.

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piked at
01:06 a.m.
Friday, January 2, 2004

Whose Line Was It Anyway

I just bought a book "Why Do Catholics Do That?" by Kevin Orlin Johnson, PhD. because I am so curious about why Catholics do the things they do and none of my Catholic friends have been able to satisfy my burning questions.

But it seems like this book has gave me more questions to ask, but these questions are good ones, like who are the correct ones, Catholic vs Protestant.

The author says in his book that the Old Testament the Catholic church uses is the Septuagint (Greek O.T.) and that same Septuagint was quoted by Jesus and the Apostles, only that they were in Hebrew and Aramaic translations. So that Old Testament actually contained the Apocryphal Books which the Catholic church still keeps.

So now I'm thinking who is correct? Right now it's down to the Catholic Church's word vs that of the Protestants. Why am I bothering with all this? Because what if it's the Protestants who've been duped? Has anyone actually done really objective in-depth study who can answer and clear up my questions?

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piked at
12:54 a.m.
Tuesday, December 30, 2003

Great Expectations Great Disappointment

I'm one to expect a great deal from people who tell me they love me. But the more I expect the more disappointment I get when people fall short. So screw it man. I'll try not to expect, try so hard for what. Nabeh.

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piked at
01:21 a.m.
Monday, December 22, 2003

The Zaki Fiasco

This day will forever be remembered by the people who turned up on the first night of the chalet. Of the 27 that were supposed to turn up, 3 were on time, 5 were there for the first barbecue, and 9 were there for the 2nd barbecue. All of this happened in the first night. Oh the horror. I had to pay . Have you been to a chalet where you have to pay ?

There were 12 or so people on the 2nd night so that means that I'll most probably be getting some of the cash back, Zaki don't go and squander the money ah...

But all in all it wasn't so bad a chalet, great company, a lot of funny shit, I'll post some pictures up later, look closely at the Scrabble pix when they are up... Hehe. It was fun, just that the sand in the toilet floor was so damn damn damn gross.

Oh and who can forget the cockroach who crawled on my face which was later brutally squished and thrown into the toilet by me. Mmm.. Hehe..

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piked at
05:10 p.m.
Sunday, December 14, 2003

Beautiful Daughter

DAUGHTERS by JOHN MAYER

I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me

It's got nothing to do with me, I'll be on my way till "another comes around". (FIND A WAY by PLAINSUNSET) I won't pursuit if it doesn't work. Foolishness.

I tear myself now before it's too late.

"You're a sad bastard, Liang."

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piked at
02:20 p.m.
Friday, December 12, 2003

Four Days Late

This entry is four days late.

The city’s blood
Coursing through its veins at 7AM
It was empty
I get thrown back into the bowels of town

After a full night’s of talking chock at Marine Parade, I wasn’t tired, I didn’t sleep in the taxi. I watched as ECP roll past me, Nic was sleeping so I didn’t have anyone to talk to, I was talking to myself, not out loud lah. Just thinking.

I was thinking about the future, heaven, my parents, my friends, my lurrve life. What lies ahead for me, for them. I wonder if my parents will ever believe in Jesus Christ. I wonder if I will die before them, and if I did, I wonder how they’d get by.

So I wrote in in my drawer with pencil. I wrote, “I love mummy and I love papa, I want them to see God.”

I wondered if I’d ever fall in love and someone in love with me, because I’ve totally forgotten that nice feeling in the centre of my chest, warm and fuzzies, hair-standing and all that. I’ve forgotten how it’s like when one is romantically in love.

And I agree to someone’s comment below in one of the posts that I need attention.

Lydia puts it very aptly.

“You sometimes find that you cannot come to terms with yourself, and your avenue of escape comes in the form of being around friends, people... basically just having people around you.”

So accurate...

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piked at
05:47 p.m.
Tuesday, December 9, 2003

Away

I'll be gone till Monday, KL, see ya folks! :)

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piked at
05:56 a.m.
Friday, December 5, 2003

My Morning Your Night

Your morning is my night
And my night your morning.

I hung out with Shuyu, Mahen, Gracie and Jann at Marine Parade 7-11 from 1AM to 6AM, talking about various subjects from ghosts to sex scandals and my past bad behaviour and a wonderful story telling of "My Sassy Girl" by my dear Shuyu.

I had expected to have a blasting time at Phuture but the place was so very crowded and they weren't playing hiphop, so I didn't have the blasting good time. Ah well. I'm gonna bathe, shit and sleep.

I thought a lot on the way back home while I was on the cab... So many things coursed through my mind. The girl I think I love, my will, and the people I have in my life which I love. I'll blog about those things when I'm less tired, right now bathe, shit and sleep. I heart you NIK! :)

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piked at
07:04 a.m.
Thursday, December 4, 2003

Highly Irritated Annoyed and Disappointed

Were you at the gig? Yes? Well damn good for you. Does it mean a heck of a lot to me? Well damn, yes!

No one I invited was present except of Audrey, thank you dear. Some friends were there but they weren't invited by me. Not really people close to my heart, prolly don't even know about my blog.

But those I invited of course they mean something to me, no? But I don't know if it's a one-sided affair lah. Yes I'll get over this, surely, but now I want to rant and whine and snap at anything before me.

I've played quite a few gigs but how many of you my friends can say you've seen enough gigs to remember the tune of my band's songs? I know like 3 people who know our songs.

Yah Liang is just in one of his moods he'll get over it. Over and out.

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piked at
12:29 a.m.
Sunday, November 30, 2003

Swirling

I started watching Apocalypse Now, paused for a burger and continued. Popped a Feb, spun two rounds in my kitchen and brushed my teeth? Don't understand? I don't either.

Has anyone watched 'Apocalypse Now'? Can you explain to me??? I feel so stupid asking this question but I'm dense sometimes... Dense.

Again for you Charmie, ;P

Sometimes I get jokes so quickly other times I don't get 'em at all.

I finally finished watching the two DVDs I bought, somewhat like a Christmas and Birthday gift for myself. Do you know the only things I got this birthday *whine whine* were (no from my parents mind you, my auntie) and an organiser for year 2004 courtesy of Royaldom. :)

But I'm not complaining, yah right. I complain but I'm grateful for having the loving parents that I have, if I die, someone better tell them I really really loved them and someone better bring them the gospel! But that's if I die, if I don't die so fast I'll pull up my socks and tell them I love them and Jesus loves them.

The drummer of guitarist of Coldplay said in their tour diary doco that people can see straight through a farce so you don't try too hard, don't pretend, you gotta be sincere. You being the performer.

Coldplay is using their limelight to bring one message across, they managed to get over one million signatures for a petition for maketradefair. What is your band doing and saying to the world? Is my music doing any good to the world or is it just self-pitying crap? I really must learn to write for a greater good. Hahaha, how year one how writcomm, some of you readers will know what I mean... :P

But seriously... I think it's when musicians remove that mask of pretention and say something good, not saying "MAKE TRADE FAIR!" if you don't believe a single word of that! Just like how can you preach about Jesus Christ when you don't believe in it. So I'm finding what I should say with my music. Yes, I am an aspiring songwriter. Which brings me to my photography hobby too, what's it all worth?

I could go learn photography and make big big bucks, I'm sure. But what good does that do for society? The cosmestic industry in America is making girls become anorexic, what am I doing for society when I do things like sex appeal ads, or a ad for a really meaningless product?

But I could use my God-given talents to do something good, become a photo-journalist of sorts and maybe show the comfortable world what the rest of the less fortunate are going through? I'd love to do that... Not that I'm a sadist, just wanna do some good dammit. :)

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piked at
01:20 a.m.
Wednesday, November 26, 2003

Shameless Advertising

Like what you see? Hehehe, drop by http://www.pbase.com/thepike and take a look at the online portfolio of sorts I've put up.

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piked at
04:37 p.m.
Monday, November 24, 2003

Unreturned

So how does true love work? How is it two people fall in love? How does it begin? Two people don't just look at each other after spending sometime together and know that they like each other's company and want to take it another step, right?

I got so many questions but I won't ever know how it works until it happens to me, right? Right. I don't know if I've ever not-selfishly-loved anyone. Stupid past. Sticky too, follows you where ever, when ever. But all my questions revolve around romance, I'm so hard-up for love! Haha, for romantic currency, love.

And so I give up all
Thinking that I expect nothing in return
But surely no human can love for love's sake and not expect anything in return?

We aren't capable of that, right?
I will ask God when I see Him, if I see Him.

Yes, I was saying, I give all
But I get none, it's unreturned

Love's not like water
There can be more at one time in all of earth
Or less, never the same amount at any one time
Or is it like water? Where there's a limit in all of creation, that only so much goes around?

Maybe sometimes a selfish soul keeps the love it has inside
Or someone steals all the love and refuses to love another
But I heard that God first loved us so we love Him return.

Mmm.

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piked at
01:22 a.m.
Thursday, November 20, 2003

Stay tuned

I got myself some domain space and I'll be moving soon. Stay tuned. :D

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piked at
10:03 p.m.
Monday, November 17, 2003

Excessive Desire

e·ro·to·ma·ni·a
n.
Excessive sexual desire.
Psychiatry. A delusional, romantic preoccupation with a stranger, often a public figure.

I learnt this word after watching La folie Pas Du Tout, He loves me, he loves me not, starring Audrey Tautou. She's my favourite actress I think, she played a very lovable role in Amelie but that's another post for another time.

Every guy has excessive sexual desire lah, hahaha or at least 98% of the guys are, the 2% are liars. Don't bother questioning the intergrity of my research methods, I didn't do any, I'm just assuming.

And then there's the delusional one, I think I may be a little delusional picking up these so called hints that the female friends drop, or so I think, don't worry girls I don't have the guts to act on something I'm unsure of, I very the chicken one. (Even if you think my track record of girlfriends tell you a different story) I've really lost the drive to wanna go after someone and yeah whatever.

I feel I read very deeply into body language, the choice of words, or maybe I'm just observant or maybe I suffer from mild erotomania, why can't I just get like a full blown one so I'll be oblivious, no, fully oblivious and delusional and yay, not know the truth of rejection and loneliness.

Let me be a patient of erotomania, erotomaniac, I'll stalk someone and get thrown into IMH and come out and stalk the person somemore. :) No I don't think that'll happen.

Bah... Oh and Charm that pict at the top is for you. Hahaha. ;)

Added at 10:21PM :

My parents just went to a wake, so many people died this year, I think it's the time where the 2nd / 3rd generation of Singaporeans are getting old and sickly. It's saddening, this cycle of life and Death. If only we could all congregate in heaven after we die. And I mean everyone... Then I wanna work for the Heaven's newspapers then I can meet all the really interesting people like... Bob Marley, I heard he became a Christian on his deathbed or Iron Maiden's drummer, who just became Christian... Haha... That'd be fun won't it?

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piked at
06:30 p.m.
Sunday, November 16, 2003

Rantings (OR NOT) After A Wedding

Firstly congratulations John and Dee... What a beautiful couple married. Very nice and very sweet, the indierock wedding. Go here to see their wedding blog.

The preacher was preaching about how Jesus turned the water into wine, and that the wine was significant of the joy of a festival. So no wine = no joy, understand? And he was saying that we have these wine jars and sometimes they get emptied and he was telling the newlyweds to top up each other's wine jars so that they won't run out of joy.

Which led me to think about my own wine jars, he also called them emotional jars. I think mine are empty and they've been empty for a while, I think listening to things like Mineral cracks the jar and all that you have left in that jar is leaked and nothing's left.

But usually it's the other way round I listen to the music that suits the moment, if I'm really angry I'll listen to hardcore or emo-core stuff with a lot of screaming, then when I'm pissed with the states I will listen to Radiohead. When I'm really distraught I'll listen to Mineral, yes you get the idea, there's worship too, when I feel holy.

So I concluded to my friend Daryl (you can find him in the links btw) that I need love, he came up with some stuff and I said he sounded like the Oracle, talk like never talk like that, might as well don't talk. But anyway, I think I lack love. I need love, we were made creatures of love. But Adam only had to live one day and God realised he was lonely and Eve was made! Wow, if only I had my Eve from day 1? And my Eve of course had her Adam, me! :) If only lah Liang.

So there, I need love. This world today is providing so many other sources of love, which reminds me of a P.O.D. song, Youth of The Nation, yes, "Suzy looked for love in all the wrong places." How sad, maybe I've been looking for love in all the wrong places. People will tell me to look to God, but I know how much God loves me.

Because asking Him to do more than what he has already done would be saying that what Jesus did on the cross was insufficient to prove His love. You get my drift? What a situation I'm in...

This one is for Charm. :)

Added at 1:26 AM :.

I'm wondering why suddenly people have commented, do I need to reach such a stage of distraught-ness then it causes someone to action?

But are comments the issue here now? i really don't know, maybe seeing comments make me happy, they are a quantitative indicant of how much people care, or how lazy some people are to click and type a few thought through words?

But but! If you cared enough you WOULD click on the comments and type in the few thought through words would you not? Even if you were the freaking laziest person in the universe. I wonder what's made me blog so freaking a lot.

OH and no I'm not saying that you should stop posting comments because of what you said, I appreciate them people, thank you very much. :) Really, thanks!

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piked at
01:07 a.m.
Sunday, November 16, 2003

Ramblings

Yes I'm so going to eff-ing ramble, first why the hell is it that no single soul reads my blog, where are you carers? Not enough, I posted a reasonably long and you know "thought poking" post and no eff-ing comment, no, not one.

Then then, I'm so I don't know, I think the perfect storm has started in my heart or where-ever emotions converge, so sick of feeling sick. I wanna get out of this muck. I don't wanna swim in depression, what can I do? Take a pill? Have a lot of sex? What? Drink like no tomorrow? Jam and become a rock star? I know the answer, I don't want to do only. No desire. So what?!

Move me lah!

So sick of being sick. So tired of being tired, hey I plagiarised, wow I like this it's carthatic and therapeutic. Are you happy now that I'm like that? But I'm only suffering from mild neurosis, can you even call it suffering? I am so sick of no one caring you know? I know some of you care, aiyah maybe all I want is some loving, no not from you brothers, where are you sisters?

I need to be healed of all this shit. You know I hope the world is still peaceful after my ns, then I go find a french wife or something. Go study photography in France, bye bye ugly society, well but till then it's a long long way to "freedom".

Eternal life starts now, aiyah where is now? I also want, gimme gimme. Ok I stop now. Gah.

Added at 2:11AM >

No it's not long enough, I wonder how some people type some really huge-ass chunks of words on their blogs so I'm gonna keep on rambling.

Why is it some people, godly people even have such closed minds, esoteric, that things have to be done in a certain damn way, like you know, their way? Why can't we differ from customs and methods?

Anyway did I say that I was damn sick of feeling emo? There that's the first time I said that word, emo. I hate when that word is being used wrongly, inappropriately and hey that's me being esoteric! Assholeteric, I love that word, I think it means being very i dunno, elitist? I wonder if this the hugest-ass chunk of words I ever blog down.

It really is therapeutic, it's like screaming in a hardcore band 'cept no one hears you, hey i'm not making sense, but do you care? no! god. GAH!

Why is the local music scene so small, why can't we all just go for gigs, why can't jamming be cheaper, why can't good gear be cheaper, why can't the ***** dude be nicer and not sell ******** and cheat the shit out of us. Hey wait I retract that it's defamatory and he'll lose money, yah right like he's making any now.

So tell me what's wrong with me? No please don't come to me and ask me if i'm going to commit suicide? The answer is no! I won't do something as silly as that, right? Yes! I'm gonna be a professional photographer I hope, or if CFS makes a break we can all be rock stars and tour Russia like No Longer Music did! Wow. Yay.

Talking about CFS where the hell are all our so called band friends, jenn's friends, jon's friends, friends in the scene?! why is our band blog visited by so few and no one is even bothered to type comments! cept for the very nice euphe, thanks euphe you rock. :)

Shitty situations in a shitty world, perfect ain't it? EXACTLY why we need God, yes that's it God. Help me.

Yes all I need now dammit is that silver lining and the sun rays to bathe my face. Peek at me sunshine, bathe my face again and love me.

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piked at
02:05 a.m.
Saturday, November 15, 2003

Did you remember?

And so I spent my birthday (9th) at Lido watching Matrix Revolutions with my dear Shuyu and her friend, Angie. I can remember how many people actually came up to me and wish me happy birthday, without prompting by me or other friends. I think there was only Johann. It's really quite disappointing, I have to prompt and hint, so bueh paiseh or thick-skinned. Yeah that's it.

The church guys made a point to get me a cute little chocolate truffle cake and sang a really loud happy birthday song at Kallang's 24 hr KFC, and made me do stupid things, going up to a big malay dude and say "Hi my name is Liang it's my birthday, can you wish me happy birthday?". But haha, how parallel it is to the rest of my day!

"Eh it's my birthday".

Eh it's my birthday! November 9th, remember next year can? I'll try harder not to tell anyone next year, just to see who bothers. I'm not asking people to memorise the date you know? Just write it down, or put it in your phone's calendar! Mmm.. Yes.. Can you tell I'm not pleased? People who meant a lot didn't remember! Hai. Enough. I wanted to post this yesterday btw, but pitas was down or something...

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piked at
02:27 a.m.
Thursday, November 13, 2003

Clubbing Leh!

I clubbed! And then hor, I danced! I enjoyed it! Yippee and I didn't get high, enjoyed the dance and the good company of friends at Phuture. Nice place, just too much smoke.

I realised it's a really very lucrative business to be in, the clubs and pubs business. Pleasure seeking Singaporeans love such things, and there's something for everybody! From the groovy hip hoppaz to the jumpin' mambo-jambo folks... Who the synchronised dancing by the way...

I could never dance to that retro synchronised shiatz! No wonder I hated clubbing, just the wrong crowd and the wrong music... :)

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piked at
04:23 a.m.
Thursday, November 6, 2003

CFS Blog!

Hello all, my band's blog is up... Nothing much there yet... It's here.. Go and visit!

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piked at
12:21 a.m.
Wednesday, November 5, 2003

Third Place Gig Debrief

Firstly thanks to the friends who turned up for the gig even though it wasn't their thing... (See poster in previous post)

Ok the debrief and the same thing I tell everyone, we didn't practise hard for this set, and I am quite frustrated indeed.

I wanna enjoy playing on stage guys, I know I also need to practise, we all need to! Anyway here are some pictures from the gig!