 Name // Julia Age // 17 Self Description // "If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them. Buildings burn, people die; but real love is forever."
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Monday, November 19, 2001; 12:43 p.m.
I'm sick today: this morning I had 101 temperature, and my earts, throat and head hurt like you wouldn't believe. I feel a little bit better now, but I can still feel where some of my motor skills have been compromised. I can't really walk in a straight line, and I have to go really slow, but hey, I feel better.
Todd and I did go to the musuem yesterday, but I felt like shit; but I had a good time tooling around with him. I just feel really bad that I had to ruin his good day by being sick.
My mum kicked Todd out when we all found out that I fist had a fever. She wouldn't even let me hug him!! Grr, that mean lady!
I miss him... and so I lay myself to sleep
Sunday, November 18, 2001; 10:06 a.m.
I talked to Skye last night for three-and-a-half hours. You can only imagine what that had to be like:
Things started out strange...
Then, things got somewhat normal...
I think this is where the conversation really starts to go down hill...
And here is where the conversation goes completely to hell...
At least one of us saw where the conversation was going...
That was like, 1/4 of the conversation. Makes you want to know what the other 75% was like, no? and so I lay myself to sleep
Saturday, November 17, 2001; 07:29 p.m.
My parents keep telling me how badly I need a haircut, but I don't want to: the last time that I got my hair trimmed, it was traumatic! They cut about an inch off, and from being able to touch my bra-strap, it practically brushed my shoulders, and I have a long upper body. I'm really not looking forward to getting it trimmed again, looking super-nappy be damned.
Todd is taking my to the Cleveland Museum of Art tomorrow. I get to use more of the information that I learned in Art History. I wish that neither of us were poor, because then we could have a nice caffe lucnh, but then again, they are way overpriced. I'm sure that I could just hide some cheese sandwiches in my monstrously-sized purse anyway.
Todd's great-grandmother is dying, and I feel so bad for him; I just want to stop the whole world fro him, so that he doesn't have to deal with this pain. I'm not good at dealing with death: I don't aknowledge it. I lost my cousin Chris, six years ago; I lost my favorite teacher, Mrs. Blakely a year-and-a-half ago, and now my boyfriend is losing his great grandma. I'm just having a hard time relating. I don't know what's going on.
Well, I have to plan my Lit Mag meeting and fill out my application to OSU.
and so I lay myself to sleep
November 16, 2001; 04:39 p.m.
My blog simply gets me into hot water all the time. I need to find the person that ratted me out this time. I don't think the consequences of waht I said matter that much now, because I have my foot in the doorway of "no longer able to care" and I'm ready to go through. I'm not moving my blog to hide from people.
Tonight is my night to recover, I have a weekend to do stuff, and just relax.
I'm like a cat, you know: I get all hinky when things go on around me, I just get more and more wound up. I need to get the "unbusies" and calm down. Thank God that he made weekends.
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Since getting the internet, I haven't really spent any time in my herbal. I really wanted to (the books are due back at the library sometime), and I just wanted to make sure that I got my info down and stopped wasting my time.
I like the person that I am, and if certain people can't accept that; they think I'm wierd, curious, and odditty --fuck them. I don't know why I even wasted my time trying to make people like me; it only ripped me from the things that truly matter.
I should have been Hindu, moksha is a beautiful and freeing thing.
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Blog update in 10 days! and so I lay myself to sleep
November 11, 2001; 09:04 a.m.
Whis isn't anyone on AIM at 9am on Sunday morning? I want to talk to someone!!
Well, I have worked the play for the last four nights, and it's hilarious, because during the day, I'm practically non-existant -- I'm sleeping or wathing TV or I'm online. It' been a pain-in-the-ass weekend, but I think I'm enjoying it....
All except for the tutmult between Lauren, Adam and I. It's not even good tumult, like three-some tumult. Its bad tumult, like Julia has made an ass of herself tumult.
As if I weren't trying to forget my shameful actions of last month, after Wednesday night's show, Lauren comes up to me and says, "Do you still think he [Adam] is hot, even with the pot-belly [for the show]?" All I could do is gawp like a landed fish.
I wish now that I had snappy comebacks.
But yes, so I talked to Lauren on Thursday morning, and seemed to have reasonably explanations for everything, so I tried my best to let it go.
But on Friday night of the play, Adam comes up to me after the show, while I'm standing by the stage doors, and says, "I wanted to come over and talk to you, but you were really busy selling tickets and stuff."
Now mind you, I was demure and even friendly, but I know that what Adam told me is a total crock. When he passed me in the foyer, while I was selling tickets, he nary gave me a glance, nary gave me a smile, nary slowed his pace. And I can' tell you how many times I walked through the dressing room with the cash box, looking for conversation, but he and Lauren were all cuddly in a corner. So don't tell me that I'm unavailable!
Saturday night, Lauren started talking to me about his armpit hair, and then goes, "Adam, Julia wants to see your armpit hair!"
Be damned if I did!
But, so through the awkward beginnings of the conversation, I found out that he likes my leather parka. Yay! and Fuck! at the same time. Cool that my leather parka is the shit in his mind, but dammit that the jacket is cool and I am not.
So, I guess that is a huge difference between Lauren and I (in regards to relationships): I have time to spend with my other friends. I also don't hoarde Todd's company all to myself when in public places. When I tried to talk to Adam in the dressing room [the armpit convo], Lauren started clinging to him, hanging on him, and making covnersation very difficult, because Adam had to tell her that he wasn't going to catch her.
There's a point where you get so sick of the whole situation and give up. I just turned on my heel and walked away. I'm such a damned masochist: I'm so fucking sick of them both, yet I cling to all of this like a helpless damsel to a knight.
But, in all of this I figured out what it is that is bothering me:
Part of me is not sad that Lauren and I are not friends, because it would be completely impossible to be Lauren's friend, anyway. But then, why do I let the whole thing bother the hell out of me if I don't care?
I don't know the answer to that, I have to go looking.
Next Episode: The Trouble with Vampires and so I lay myself to sleep
Monday, November 5, 2001; 03:46p
I've only got a coupla minutes before I have to go get my shit together to pick up Binkles from school, but I thought that since today was going to be a hellish week, I'd blog now and not feel too awful for not blogging for the rest of the week.
Um, here's a rought list of things to do:
I have a busy, busy week ahead of me.
In other news, I got a ton of cool CDs from the library that I have to burn, including "Pure Moods," Windham Hill, "Candyass," and Tangerine Dream. They are all really good CDs, but I never have any time to listen to them, more or less return them.
I also have gotten a ton of books out about makeup, hair and nails, including an actual cosmetology textbook, which is really, really cool. Hopefully, I will be able to read, study, compy an implement before I have to take them back. I also got books out on Aromatherapy, Massage Therapy, and Homeopathy.
Like I said, "Busy, busy." and so I lay myself to sleep
Wednesday, October 31, 2001; 12:46 p.m.
Send Heather e-cards, because she's feeling ill. ::pats head and feeds chicken soup:: Poor baby.
The other strange thing is that now that I am going through all of these photos of Val Kilmer, my first love love in Hollywood, I am wondering at a great many things. How strange it is that we idolitarize a face, until all you can see is just the absolute lust and no longer a human face. I say this, because over the years, my love for Val has waned, and I find myself looking into the eyes of Val, and not the mirrors of my complete lust for him.
I'm not saying this to be philisophical, I'm saying it because human nature is truly and divinely strange.
But I still love Val Kilmer. ::kis to Val:: and so I lay myself to sleep
October 26, 2001; 02:13 p.m.
I survived the trig exam! I even knew what I was doing! It's brilliant, and I think that I will get a C in the class and be okay...I hope.
Still busy, busy, I have to study for ACTs tonight, but I don't care because I KNEW WHAT I WAS DOING IN TRIG!
That and I have to fix my bed. and so I lay myself to sleep
October 23, 2001; 03:31 p.m. Finals week...no time to blog. and so I lay myself to sleep
October 19, 2001; 10:42 a.m.
I'm really depressed right now: my face is really broken out. I mean, I finsihed my Trig test (which I bombed) and I looked in the mirror, and all I see are red blotches. I'm so embarrassed.
Todd is supposed to visit me, but I don't want him to: my face is all broken out. I want to at least cover some of it up, but I forgot my concealer and my foundation. I'm so embarrassed.
He's all, "No, you're beautiful." But he doesn't FUCKING get it!!!
My face is red, blotchy, and I am really embarrassed and ahsamed of it. It won't go away, and 50 fucking ounces of water DOES NOT help at all, because now my face just feels all sweaty.
I really think that I'm going to cry. It's just been a really bad day. and so I lay myself to sleep
October 17, 2001; 03:50 p.m.
I'm really depressed right now: I'm listening to the mass choir sing off-key outside the equally noisy library, and wishing that I had read "Frankenstein" over the weekend.
But hey, I made seven smackers last night! Yay, the scarcasm stings my guts. Maybe I can make enough money to furnish my scantily clad shack that is my over-girly bedroom.
It sucks to be poor. Being a their is way more profitable. and so I lay myself to sleep
Wednesday, October 17, 2001; 03:04 p.m.
So, I finished reading Changes by RivkaT and Mustang Sally last night. WEll, I didn't really read it; it usually takes me two to three times to really read a piece by them. So I'll say that I skimmed it. But anyway, it's really, really good; it's not their best peice, but I like it none the less.
At the end of the story though, they have this message:
Dude, I want to bonk Spike RT and MS style, but I'm not old enough to understand any of the Pet Shop Boys or Smiths references. Damn older writers. It's not fair!
But yes, I have a doctors appt today so that I can get a referral for the dermatologist. Yes, I will no longer be like the craters on the moon! Smooth skin, here I come!
By the weay: a shout-out to Aimee, who's been wonderfully nice to me by showering me with lovely words about my new blog layout. and so I lay myself to sleep
October 17, 2001; 02:03 p.m.
Yay! I've updated my bloggy and all that yummy stuff. When I have time (outside of ILT), I'll let you know the latest scoop.
Stay tuned. and so I lay myself to sleep
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