Tuesday, September 28, 2004

1st day of the holidays was...?

feeling now?
at Karen's now.. they're somewhere playing Mahjong.. haha i think i failed to mention that i know how to play to..? it was in school and they were a player short, so i was pulled into learning! buggers. hahah! anyway, yeah. Pauline, the homestay mom, is really nice.. i mean anyone who puts up with a bunch of teenage girls sleeping over at your house and staying up till all hours of the morning laughing like hyenas is pretty damn nice i think? yeah. the house is nice too.. i would like to live in a house like this. pretty big.. but not completely humongous, and the backyard is great. its not like beautiful or grand or anything like that, its just the feel of it that i like. if i lived here, i can see myself using that as my private area, away from everyone. hehehe. oh and Cassie their dog is soooo cute! she's only a puppy so she's so full of energy, playing with her is good exercise.. she's so light and fluffy. its a cross breed of a Poodle and a CockerSpaniel, but she's got no poodle-ness in her.. which is good. i was told that her breed is pretty rare, Pauline waited quite long for her. oooh i want her!! Cassie i mean.

well, last nite was another drinking nite. had Breezers, Cowboys, and Cruisers. mmm.. as usual, Phoe was high. Chiew was unusually normal, and Karen was red as a tomato! hahah she might have had an allergic reaction to something in the drinks though. but all's good, no one woke up with a hangover, though Chiew and Phoe had queasy tummies. haha! so, i quite like this holiday i must say. its the first holiday where i feel like im having a holiday actually. im completely relaxed and my mind is totally worry-less. whee!! this is the life.

so Thursday will be a remake of last nite i assume.. or even better, since Angie has friends from SG staying there too, so i'm sure it'll be good. and Sera's cooking for all 9 of us, i cant wait. hehe! and we might have wine, but drinks are a given. wow i cant wait.

Strumming my P.A.I.N. at 11:20 a.m.

Sunday, September 26, 2004

birthday wishes?

feeling now?
omg im so bored now. didnt think the freaking hols would be so boring.. Tasha is goin mad and she wants to go back to the Powerhouse Markets.. her hotdogs.. she's craving out loud... irritating. but im having cramps.. my period must be coming soon. BAH!! noooo. cant have it coz we're having sleepovers on Monday and Thursday!! errrghh. bugger the Female issues.

Tasha's suggesting things to do on Sat.. i.e: my BIRTHDAY!! ahhaha. i dunno if i wanna do anything really.. the idea of birthday celebrations just dont seem so exciting anymore, for some reason. maybe coz for the past couple of years i just had dinners with the mother and Darren, and thats about it. really cant be bothered man. if it was my 18th, that's a whole different story!! im sure gonna have a party next year. hopefully i'll be here? 17 is so insignificant in comparison.. if only i can fast-forward 2004, reach 2005 and anticipate the 9th October! whooo! hahah ri-ght. dreaming.. oh well, im off to whip something up in the kitchen for dinner. catch ya later!

Strumming my P.A.I.N. at 05:41 p.m.

Saturday, September 25, 2004

my roadsign

wow... this is pretty spot-on hey? got it from Fizah's blog. check out the first 2! wow.. im amazed.

Strumming my P.A.I.N. at 05:08 p.m.

Friday, September 24, 2004

emotional rollercoaster

whoo finished the frickin TS draft last nite. no, this morning, at 1.30am!! cant believe i actually woke up and wasnt late for the lecture.. haha! im finally free for the whole week! except some homework here and there. but yeah!

watched Austin Powers Goldmember on Thursday... hahah hilarious shit man! where is your fashjer? moleymoleymoley. hahaha u get the idea. went to LaserForce today.. its one of those places where u get those laser guns and try to rack up the most points shooting others.. whoo it was fun eh! i was like ranked 5th on the first mission, then dropped all the way to 16.. and so on.. but it was fun anyway..

well, chatting with Serene about Him now.. she's advising me on what to do. like how woman!?! im not very experienced in this field u know!!! i cant even imagine it happening anytime soon.. i cant bring myself to think of what will happen... i'll just die of heart failure if he knows. also asking Sera about it.. and she said she'll help.. at least there's someone who can..

life is such a rollercoaster.. and i wish it would always stay at the peaks and never dip down to the low points.. as i told Ser, i cant see myself commiting to any emotional issues at this point.. i mean im just not ready to. i havent had anything like it happen to me b4, so i havent a clue as to what to do.. im lost.

someone Save me...

Strumming my P.A.I.N. at 09:33 p.m.

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

why me...?

just reading tags from those loved ones makes me wanna go home now. but anyways... i remembered sth that was stuck in the back of my mind a few nights ago... yess. that night. after the excitement finally died down, and the high was sobered, and when i got dressed for bed and face all washed, i couldnt fall asleep. the whole night just kept replaying in my mind all at once. stupid things like Helium-voiced songs, and then singing old songs with Marie, then Max ordering a QuickFuck from the bartender, and not forgetting the part where i had to leave. again..

when my mind was finally rested, and i could think straight without smiling to myself like the idiot that i am, i happened to think "what if?"... like "what if was drunk/high and i did sth stupid?" or "what if i wanted to stop playing it safe and just let it all out in the heat of the moment?", "what if i said sth i regretted for the rest of my life?" or... "what if i did say or do sth, and sth happened..." errrghhh.. i couldnt get that out of my head!! it was killing me.. then at the moment lying on the bed with the lamp on, i wished i did get drunk.. although it was highly impossible. i dont get drunk. not even high with alcochol. all the high-ness is rubbed off from the drunk/high ppl around me.. which sux.

arrhh.. this topic of choice is reaallly getting old.. i mean its totally hopeless now.. what am i thinking?? i've gone mad and blind. but the weirdest thoughts just always seem to pop up. and i wish things are different, but at the same time i wish they never change. am i making any sense here? ok i think i'll stop now... *sigh*

Strumming my P.A.I.N. at 04:06 p.m.

Sunday, September 19, 2004

the day after...

ok last nite was one of those nites where i learn new things.. and new things sometimes scare me. was online for a record time of almost 9 hrs straight. and im so glad the Dickhead was watching footie somewhere out there.

caught up with missed friends, and was brought up to speed with the latest goss... Dee is fine, Sheila is bummed out, Siank is bouncing off from lost love, and Fely is.. Fely is... Fely never fails to amaze me. who would've thought? i mean.. i had a lil inkling that there was someone special.. i kinda guessed a long time ago from reading the old blog. then she closed it so i was lost.. but i never managed to ask her . and then LAST NITE/MORNING! wooooahhh... talk about surprises.. i was so not expecting it. but dont get me wrong! now i sound like im against the whole thing. but im not.. its just that i wasnt expecting it AT ALL.

so sitting here trying to guess who it was... that proved to be heart-stopping.. seriously!! i almost had a minor heartattack.. it was going a mile a minute.. and my mind was.. WhiZzZ!!! couldnt control all the thoughts. my eyes were fixed on the screen reading the entries, then the email, and boy i almost burst with all the thoughts in my mind. but when i finally got it right, i was like, hey it was right under our noses...? i mean, they were pretty close b4.. just never thought it would get deeper than that. and i was like "why didnt i think of that earlier? of course it is!" kinda thingy... hmmm.. but poor Fely.. i couldnt really tell how she felt, amidst all the HooHa of trying to explain to me sth that was self-explanatory, and me trying to guess who it is.. now that its over... geez. being away for half a year makes u miss a lifetime of happenings...

ohh before all the stress and hyperventilation, i was telling them about Him.. and damn did that bring back unwanted memories... but i truly believe now that pouring your heart and soul to people you love and trust can really be therapeutic... hahah.. i mean, i felt so much better just after telling them minor details.. it made me feel like i know i have ppl out there i can trust and care about me.. like im not totally alone even if i am at this moment. it was one of the greatest feelings. it helped me to remove the stupid ideas that when i return to my 'beloved' homeland, things would be all screwed up. as in relations. so here's a really big THANK YOU to you guys.. Fely and Siank.. i dunno what i'd do without you. i can genuinely say now that i treasure our friendship and im grateful for it! love yous to bits.

i truly am blessed.

Strumming my P.A.I.N. at 02:50 p.m.

Saturday, September 18, 2004

Happy Advanced Birthday SERA!

wheeeeee!!! last night was one of the funnest nights everr! minus the fact that we had no choice but to leave pretty darn early. Sera was kinda late meeting us cos she was still GETTING READY AND PUTTING ON HER MAKE UP!! hahaha so we waited around HungryJacks for more people to arrive. i rushed home after watching PrincessDiaries2 while the rest sneaked into Catwoman. naughtynaughty... got ready real quick and left for the city. walked to Riverside Pig&Whistle and had a whole section to ourselves!hahah the balloons made great entertainment for everyone! think Helium voices... it was kinda slow at first since not everyone was there yet.. but after a couple of drinks you could see red faces walking around.. and people were unusually loud.. i played it safe with a familiar drink at first... Bacardi&Coke never lets you down! then got an ArchersSpri... by then some people were rather high... hmmm. Marie recommended some interestingly named shots for us to try.. 1st up: Cock-Cucking Cowboy.. it was real sweet. goes down nicely.. funny thing was, at the point where Marie, Fernanda and I were at the bar waiting for our turn, they only found out then that i was still SWeEt 16.. all the while she thought i was of legal age.. *hehehe* what a laugh. so anyway, next shot was a Quick Fuck. Marie was telling us abt how Max was so reluctant to order at the bar.. he found it weird to ask the bartender for a "QuickFuck".. =P

as the night progressed, Phoe and Chiew were tipsy and red-faced, couldnt walk in straight lines. then Bev, Lin, Chiew and i decided to hit the dance floor with the oldies surrounding us. okok mid 20s, but we felt like they were oldies.. danced for a few songs then, it was time for Cake!! yumm. Andrew, Abs, Marie, Julian and Lara all took turns to sing to Sera with Helium voices.. Then aunty Angie did it too! she's cool. Sera's real lucky! ohh.. Sera told me that her Aunt and Nick told her to Get Drunk! usually the oldies warn us kids not to get drunk.. boy they're cool.

while evryone was having cake, Marie and I were singing along to the oldies.. the DJ played a medley of Grease and ABBA throughout the night. Should've seen the 2 of us.. joining forces and belting out tunes Karaoke-style! haha i know the guys must've though us mad/drunk/high while watching us, especially Max whom i caught staring at me like he's never saw me before. and i felt really lame too. but it was tooo much fun!

unfortunately, we had to leave soon after cos security was starting to check ID. it was IES DancePArty all over again for me! but this time, i felt really sad having to leave Bev and Sera.. tell me about it Bev.. not again. i wish i could make her request come true.. Grow Up Faster!!! its ok.. one more year and im free! i never noticed how much being legal would mean to me.. it really symbolises the newfound freedom and coming of age and shit. hhaha but yeah one more year baby! i've come this far, whats another year to add to my 17 long ones?

and once again. Happy 19th Sera.. have a good one this weekend. Love ya!

Strumming my P.A.I.N. at 12:32 p.m.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

this rollercoaster goes on and on.

laalaalaa... had the Phys Seminar today.. went alright i suppose..? Phoe said it was a lil too fast.. i dont care!! hahah Chem was to slow, Phys was too fast.. what more do you ppl want from me!? hahaha. i have a horrible gut feeling that Dayana will pick me to present tmr.. aarrrhh i dun wanna!! but i suppose sooner the better.. so whatever goes will be fine.. i hope!

Sera's Party this Friday.. whee what should i wear.. She's already got her $3876136034 outfit... so she'll be dressed for the occasion. i just saw a couple more pics from the Dance Party, and i must say i have a big ass.. and i dont mean it in a self-flattering way! i think i should start losing weight... this size does not suit me at all, seeing as how SHORT i am... wish i didnt put on all that kilos in Pri. school.. but then what did i know. body image was a foreign language to me.. now? ha!! i might go into depression in no time..

but sometimes the things people say really cut like a knife... i know that people do sometimes say things they dont mean, "Just joking" they say.. whatever. i do it too. but when it goes on and on everyday, u get real sick and tired of hearing it, and you feel like giving the person a quick slap across their gap. but you know you cant, and you feel guilty for feeling angry.. and this emotional rollercoaster just goes on and on in a vicious cycle it suckssobad. but i can help my emotions. oestrogen & progesterone & FSH & LH are being secreted non stop... (ok i think i got the bio all wrong but heck.) and adolescents are never predictable.. even to themselves! so excuse you for your ignorance.. but that's just the way i am.

ok i'm rambling now.. pent up frustration gets you nowhere. i guess i shall shuttup. maybe when i have more time on the com i'll blog about more sophisticated and mature issues like world peace and global warming... NOT!

Strumming my P.A.I.N. at 10:13 p.m.

Saturday, September 11, 2004

glimmers of hope...

didnt go for Phys lect yesterday... woke up late haha. but i arrived in sch at 12 to meet Sera and the rest.. hung around for awhile before Sera and i caught the bus to Uni. played ball for the whole afternoon and now im aching all over. hahah! im so pathetic! but it was great fun! we managed to improve ourselves and came so close to winning one of the matches! beaten 6-7... so sad. well, we were the only female team, so that says alot. there were a few sad teams.. one of them had quite good players, but they were stuck with Boxhead!! hhahah.. im so mean. but it was sad to watch him. and another was YaoYang.. he met us in uni so decided to join in. unfortunately his team was pretty sad too! besides him and his friend, the rest were standing around looking stupid. haha im so mean!!

anyway.. after playing ball, Sera and i made our way to the city, met Bev at HungryJacks, bought some food, and carried on to Southbank.. got tix to see TheVillage and waited forever for MAX and his bro to arrive.. but they were late, so we got seats first.. woah it was so packed! but yeah.. while Bev were buying tix for another movie, Sera and i were talking. then she asked me if i still liked Him. well, i had to really think before i could answer her... but i think i still do a little.. as i told her, i got myself all excited and anticipated nothing in particular at the start, but now its mellowing. i think deep down i know nothing is gonna happen, and its hopeless to even hope. but on the surface, im still very hopeful nonetheless. OHMIGOD im so sad.. but a glimmer of hope appeared when he sat next to me!! and Mark was all the way at the other side next to Bev.. by the way.. i still dont know who's older? Mark looks older, but i think Sera said he's a year younger than Max...

whatever, that's not important.. anyway, i guess i screwed up my glimmer of hope. they arrived a few minutes before the movie started, so there were stil a few previews and ads on.. but i, being my stupid self, did not take the oppurtunity to make conversation!!! arrrrhhh!!! what the hell is wrong with me! if i didnt know better, i'd say he was bored... great.. now im the idiot who makes guys bored at the movies. good job Nad.. you'll get far in life. *sobz* im so sad.. but im still greatful for Sera "orchestrating" the movie night and inviting him.. (quoting her word.) hehehe! thanx girl!! love ya!

well, after the movie, the guys left for dinner, so Sera and i waited with Bev for her friends to arrive, while we waited for the bus.. met Darren, Bev's bf, and Jensen (is that how u spell it?) Jansen and Eric, i think.. yeah.. pretty cool ppl.. i mean nice not COOL cool. hahaha. i was supposed to go with them to play Volleyball today... but at the state im in now.. i think it was a good idea to pass. haha sorry Sera! maybe next time... hope u guys had fun anyway.

Strumming my P.A.I.N. at 12:48 p.m.

Thursday, September 9, 2004

just droppin by.

Hello Hello. surprised? Tash and Dickhead are out with friends.. so i'm home alone!! wooohooo! hahah. rightos.. well, nothing to complain about really, just thought i make use of the oppurtunity to use the com. watched Garfield the Movie this arvo. hahah it was pretty funny. "BE HAPPY." *does the finger thingy* hahah Phoe! u naughty child. oh well, i guess that's about it... so ok.. bye.

by the way, the assignments are draining me.

by the way again, ppl back home, i've updated my Webshots... but i dont know if they're up.. have a look, got a couple of pics from school.

Strumming my P.A.I.N. at 10:43 p.m.

Wednesday, September 8, 2004

DEADlines

ok its nearly the end of the week.. which means i have the Bio Assignment due, and the Physics draft due. have i completed either? no... shit and i think i'm fallin ill. been sneezing like there's no tmr... and i keep getting a stuffy nose.. BAH!! why now!? it's not the right time! what a bugger. its spring.. that's all i could come up with.

couple of nights ago was finishing up the last few chapters of Alibrandi. believe it or not, i cried at the bit where she find out John died. it's the 3rd time reading it, but it still gets to me! hahah i'm sucha sucker for emotion-filled novels, and teen romance, and happy endings. even though i know they've all got the same clich`e plot, it still gets me! hahaha i'm a softy.. so sue me.

and one more thing about Alibrandi... i know its fictitious.. but i dont see why Josie goes on and on about not inheriting her mom's and grandma's looks.. in the movie she's pretty darn good looking.. well, good enough for me.. and why the hell is John and Jacob played by 2 average-looking guys.. i mean, she makes it seem like their the hottest guys around, but they're not. hmmm.. Showbiz is so damn complicated...

just realised that i fucking missed an outing with Him.. arrrghh! He went with the girls for movie last Friday!!??!! why of all times when i decide to pass and He goes!? errgghh. life sucks.

Strumming my P.A.I.N. at 10:28 p.m.

Tuesday, September 7, 2004

off the top of my head...

in TS again.. hahah probably will make this a weekly routine, come to TS and blog.. whatever... so i have this emptiness inside me.. dont really know what's causing it.. suppose its the fact that i know i cant get certain things i want, i'm depressed with my sister still putting up with the Dickhead, i cant see myself being here and being completely happy with the ppl around, neither can i see myself going home at the end and picking up where i left everything. i know i say this over and over again.. me knowing that relations between people will not be the same again. had a little conversation with Sera a couple of weeks ago on how we felt about friends back home, and what we think they may feel about us.. like if we've changed. i said the most obvious ones are the way we speak [but i dont mean accents], and for me personally i think i've matured and grown more independent. so.. i dont know for sure if they're true, can only find out when i return.

during TS lecture today, Donna was talking about our reports and seminars that are to be due soon.. telling us about criteria and why we need them, in relation to Uni.. and then she mentioned that we'll be in Uni in a few months. i was about to doze off up till that point. "A FEW MONTHS?!?" i whispered unbelievingly to Phoe. can you believe it?! it's true though.. in just a couple we'd have graduated from IES. then a couple after Uni Semester starts. it feels like just yesterday i was so glad that i finally got my Visa approved and left 2 days after. now i'm finishing the course and thinking of the future and what lies ahead. what the helllll....? i think time is passing way too fast for my liking. i feel like i havent finished living my adolescent life. im turning 17 in a month and i feel like im not prepared for life in uni. but i cant wait at the same time!

have been reading Alibrandi for the 3rd time these couple of weeks, i can relate to Josie realising that the youth of today is so much younger than past generations. our grandparents, or even parents, at our age were going off getting married and having children and settling down with life. and here we are, dreaming of going around the world to study or travel.. thinking of the adventures we can bring into our lives, having no where near the amount of responsibilty and problems our elders had back then. what we have is taken for granted and not given a second thought about. but i dont see any of us changing anytime soon. evolution of the human race is rapid and it is not reversible. [sometimes the ideas that form in my brain surprise me...] processes of nature should not be messed with, but i'm glad we came out this way.

Strumming my P.A.I.N. at 03:49 p.m.