so things have been crazy in the last 7 days!! first things first, Clair's back YAAAAY! it took so much to get her back at all... she was delayed in Japan for 8 hours, lousy budget flights. and she managed to call me on a card that lasted 5mins. it was painful, i was slightly tipsy on Sunday night, and she calls up sounding really upset. Berlin went psycho on her the night before. and was acting up since then. tried to convince her to stay together blahblah. i couldnt believe my ears! but clair has made up her mind and chosen me, but berlin was not listening. she's crazy. either way, she got to Brisbane after lots of arguing with customer service, and running from plane to plane to get here on the same day. she had been crying and not sleeping for 2 days. as soon as we found each other we didnt let go. she was shaking in my arms. i couldnt believe it, but she really wants me and me only.

so we've been inseparable since monday night. and i had my 21st birthday on Thursday. [which was awesome!!] she made my night, and all the waiting and hurt became worth it. after dinner with a group of my friends, she "stole me" from the group and didnt tell me where we were going. i was shitting myself from not knowing what to expect. all i wanted to hear from her was that we were properly back together. we get to the Story Bridge overlooking the river and city lights, and she said she wanted to bring me there cos it was pretty. and after a few mins of silence in each other's arms, she looks at me and says, "Hunny? I love you." she took my breath away. and at that point, i knew i felt the same way too.

i havent been happier than i am now. everything i wanted is coming true. and we're talking more and more about when we move in. now all we need is a house to move into! i dont want to be over optimistic, but i feel like this could last a long while. i know she's only my first, but i dont see why i need to worry anymore. and i'm confident about this thing we have. Nizz has said to me, if i can get thru all the shit that was going on before this and come out alive, i can get thru anything with her, and we can make the distance. i've unofficially told my family about us too, since i told them i'm moving in with Clair. haha i have a cool family. so now all that needs to be done is the shit with Berlin. i really hope she lets go soon, cos she makes me so furious whenever she harasses clair. Clair is my girlfriend now. so back off!

hehe. i have a girlfriend. =D

she takes a breath at 12:21 p.m.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

ok wow. i've been slack once again. ahh but i cant be fucked posting every other day anymore... besides, who else reads this thing but me?? i suppose my recent irregular summaries will suffice to jog my memory whenever i wonder through this to see how i've gotten to where i am now. so i havent had any expectations till the last few months.. it's been a rollercoaster... and i think i'm coming out of it alive.

her and i got REAL close, and lived this time like we were a couple. the physical closeness, intimacy, lives revolving around hanging out with each other and no one else... it got bad actually... i'm guilty for doing that.. and then her lease ended and i offered her to stay with me while she looked for a new place. and so we did that for a month. but i had my suspicions, cos i kept getting signs and glimpses of her conversations with Berlin. but i kept it to myself, and boy was i in a rut. it went on like this for over 2 months. i said nothing. cos i thought if i did, i'd lose everything.

and then she tells me she's going to Japan for almost 2 weeks. and doesnt say who with or why. i then find out that Berlin is going to be there too. *sigh* why i didnt stand up for myself and say something, i dont know! but i was driving myself into a hole i couldnt get out of. cos i am truly falling for this. "Love" is too strong.. i wouldnt put it at that just yet... but it's close. and i was so hurt knowing everything but not hearing it from her. so now she's in japan, has been away for 8 days today. and the last few days have been agonising for me! but things have never looked brighter. we've managed to chat almost every day she's been away. and i got many signals saying things are good with us. and then a couple of nights ago, i got really upset and ended the conversation on a cold goodbye. and she sends me an email the next day to apologise for doing that to me and assuring me that i'm the one she wants. (!!!!!)

holy fuckin shit. she refuses to seriously talk about anything on the matter until she gets back. i suppose that's a good thing, cos if she will only do it face to face, it gives everything she says more credit. but i managed to get her to tell me that NOTHING is happening between her and Berlin, it's OVER. and she wants ME!!! :D i couldnt have heard better news, after feeling like shit at the end of that conversation... and we've been talking about moving out together too. which is a big sign that she means what she says. so now i'm sitting here stewing on everything that has happened. and what's to come. a friend keeps bringing me back down to earth, reminding me to be realistic with the whole situation... i'm trying really hard not to get carried away. but i cannot fucking help but feel elated right now. my persistence has somehow worked. but mostly it's her lack of communication skills. cos if she knew how, she could have told me all this about 2 months ago! and now i just have to wait till 1130am on Monday when she gets into Brisbane Airport arrival terminal... ;)

she takes a breath at 12:05 a.m.