Wednesday, March 30, 2005

*grunt*

i am such a pig. i havent done any work!! and it's almost the end of the middle of the week. ohhmigoddd.. well, ok i did email my lecturers regarding the assignments... so it's not all bad. but i havent started either. i'm screwed.

and tmr we're supposed to be heading to the city to buy Max's present.. yess it's his bday on Sat... how exciting! haha but that means i'm supposed to be spending time with them, which means less time left for work! nvm, Bev and i plan to hibernate in Uni on Friday. to compensate for all the lost days. we'll see how much i actually get done.

Tasha's having dinner with Anne today, so i'm alone. woohoo!!! hahah. ohhh! the Woodstock tickets came today! postman made a registered mail delivery, i was wondering what the hell it could have been, till i turned it over and saw WOODSTOCK. yay!! speaking of which, i still owe her money. hehehe! we're going to woodstock.. yeah yeah uh-huh uh-huh!

Strumming my P.A.I.N. at 04:22 p.m.

ok it's 3mins to 10, i actually sat on the verandah and read notes this evening. HA! well, this house is rather conducive when it's empty... but! it's getting quite chilly now, so i'm not gonna be a permanent fixture there. unfortunately.

hmm. i think i know now why ppl find comfort in ciggies... it's pretty stress-relieving. it takes ur mind of all worldy things, leaving just u and ur ciggie. you dont think. well unless of course u're stressing over when ppl are gonna come home and catch ya. haha. it's feels good to take drags. u're mind really goes blank. good or bad, i dont really give a shit. i'm gonna die of some form of cancer eventually, might as well make it sth i'm aware of...

Strumming my P.A.I.N. at 10:07 p.m.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Jerk It Out

[[Wind me up, put me down
start me off and watch me go
I'll be running circles around you sooner than you know]]

Strumming my P.A.I.N. at 08:13 p.m.

Monday, March 28, 2005

Easter Monday

HAPPY EASTER ALL. or in Darren's words: Selamat Hari Timur Lagi. go figure! my cousin, and i love him so. anyway, woke up at 10-ish. i'm surprised. met Bev for lunch at Toowong, then we walked around Kmart, and bought groceries. omg.. we're sounding more and more like a married couple as the days go by! hahahah. wonder if she's sick of me. =) we're meeting in uni tmr. ahah cant get enough of the woman. CHIEF! hmmm. i'm not too sure if i can get any work done though. we'll just have to see eh.

omg... there's sth weird going on with Friendster.. recently, random people have been sending msgs.. good and bad. but today, i recieved the scariest one! some guy from Australia, who's supposed to be 38. that's all there is in his profile! when i first read the msg, i got kinda freaked out, due to some explicit content i shall not divulge. *grins* then i started smiling to myself ahhah. what's new? but damn! i cant even screen him he has virtually no information. i sure hope he isnt really 38... *faints*

[[Stop the music playing loud and clear..
Cause they dont wanna hear
O lord they dont wanna hear
But its loud and clear
And its deep inside my soul
They cant hold me down no more
They gotta let me go.]]

Strumming my P.A.I.N. at 07:26 p.m.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

lost childhood

wh-wha! ri-ghttt. today was a new day. and all the drama has seemingly ended. *applause* i dunno it seems too good to be true.. but i suppose it should be fine. she reminded me about Woodstock! cos i havent paid her haha. so i guess we're fine now. i'm just trying not to get pissy, trying not to get affected. cos it's never gonna be the same. no matter how much we both pretend. what's done is done.

but one thing i cant get over, dont think i ever will. reflecting over it, i think it would have done me some good if i found out a few mths later. the delusion that age will bring maturity? hmmm. but actually, no. i wouldn't trade that moment for the world. seriously no one has made me feel this close. i may be blowing this out of proportions, but heck i'm happy i have a friend.

watched ThePacifier with Bev and Darren last night. it was bloody funny! ahha. but the outing made me realise how young i still am.. fuckin legal age.. talking abt clubs and stuff. OHH! Darren and Dennis only found out this evening that i'm still not 18 haha! right.. i can sure act. just 6 mths. i think i'm building myself up. soon i'll have plans for my party.. oohh i cant bloody wait.

Strumming my P.A.I.N. at 09:35 p.m.

Saturday, March 26, 2005

thinking things through

right. at Bev's again... watched Garfield at Southbank this morning... haha so funny! and now i'm here. i've subconsciously made DepperSt my refuge, my half-way house. it is literally halfway! between home and uni haha. i dunno.. i just cant bring myself to stay in that house anymore.. the last few times i was in it, i just stayed in my room with no contact with anyone in it. i have not seen my sister's face nor spoken half a word to her since.

but funnily enough, i just recieved a fairly decent call from her regarding my whereabouts. hmm. i dunno it's early days still.

last night was rather bad for me, although for entirely different reasons. hmm i couldnt control my thoughts and subsequently my emotions. cried liked i never have before. it's not that i cant accept it, it's just overwhelming that's all. i sure hope u understand. thanx for everything else. *hugs*

Strumming my P.A.I.N. at 05:47 p.m.

Friday, March 25, 2005

perspectives

shit. what a night. in less than an hr, i felt the furthest from my own flesh&blood. i mean one telephone call. and it ends up like this. i dont know how i can face going home later.. now i think abt it, i see it in a different light. no anger and emotions to blind me. why cant life just be normal for me for once, i've never had the "perfect family". is there such a bloody thing? ok Bev's having her shower, then i'll have mine.

and what a night... perspectives changed with a single piece of information. i never imagined it. not in a million years. i never thought i would personally know someone in such a situation. mann it does seem so scary. how quick it happens. yet some ppl are so strong, even if they dont see it, it amazes me. and i cried. yess i did. what can i say, i'm just too emotional for my own good. *sigh* but hell. how do u react when u find out something so life-changing and unbelievable like that?? yess it only hit me when i woke up today.

right Bev's out!! she's wrapped in her towel now. hehehe VISUALS everyone. so i shall be a good child and clean myself up. take care world. hope all your lives are not half as bad as mine in the last 24 hrs.

Strumming my P.A.I.N. at 12:03 p.m.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Sugar, Spice and everything not so nice.

at DepperSt now. having dinner here. hehe. gonna have home cooked CHICKEN RICE baby! hahaha yeahh! but Bev's cooking now, i'm all alone.. WOMAN! *boohoo* just dont wanna be home at this point. hmm she didnt reply me, so i take it she really doesnt care. fine by me. a little less emo and ranting today. but why does she have to be like this.. i dont know if it's just me being oversensitive, or if she's really been blinded from it all. am i oversensitive?? well if i am, screw it. i'm entitled to my emotions... so sue me.

ahhh listening to 4ZzZ. mann why didnt i discover this station sooner!?!? they had a thing on QueenSt this arvo.. WHITE boy can spin those tunes. hahaha. it was bloody cool! they had a little streetdance demo. woah.. had my weekly RnB/hiphop fix! omg.. have to wait for 6 fuckin months... rarrr. bloody hell i never waited for my birthday this crazily before. *sigh* well as long as it's worth it i'll be happy. Bev is my first choice clubbie. ahhaha clubbie, like HOUSIE.. ok whatever. anyway, she promised she'll hang out with me at the clubs. i dont care BEV! even if u dont want to i'll make u. muahahah!

we were being mad today, as usual.. ahahah! we were singing old 80s/90s hiphop tunes. it was fun. and one hit wonders too.. like the "I'm too Sexy" song. hahaha lame! and i'm bored. laalaalaaaaaa. hmmm. my mind is a blank right now. but somehow, i cant help feeling all depressed and shit. why...? *sigh* what the hell man. this sux. i think i need a vacation. as in away from this life. for awhile. at least a day, i'm not gonna be picky. Bev asked if i was interested in taking a Backpacker trip in a couple of years.. after we've graduated. how can i say no?! it's BEV! and it's AWAY from here!!

she accompanied me in my BIOL1015 lect again. hahaah. not that she's got nothing to do, but she skipped her tut. TSKTSK. planned to go to the UQ Health Service, but they were fully booked. so now she has to wait till Tuesday for her MC. tsktsk... omg how many times has Bev's name been mentioned here? there i go agn haha! well, she's just my "homie". hahaha yeah WOMAN. you know you are. we meet halfway. it's 21, just in case you forgot. hahaha! muchlove sweets.

Strumming my P.A.I.N. at 05:50 p.m.

fuckin hell!!! left the house ard 11-ish.. walked all the way to the busstop, and Bev asked if i wanted to stay over... who can refuse such an offer?! especially in my situation! so i called home. and boy was she a bitch abt it. i think that's the end of the relationship. no more civilised co-existence. i'm now simply waiting for the kickout. it's only a matter of time. she made a remark. sth like "if you stay over, you're not coming back" or some shit. and since i'm not 18 per se, i'm still under "her rule". well fuck ur rule. i'm old enough to feel like i shouldnt be treated like shit. so i'm now in Bev's nighty, just had a shower, and having a splitting headache, feeling like shit. thanx alot Tash. hope u're fuckin happy. and i dont think i wanna go to Woodstock with u. go fly a kite.

Strumming my P.A.I.N. at 12:02 a.m.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Ramblings of Life

gees what a long day it has been. i feel mentally drained now.. although i did miss that 2pm BIOL1015 lecture... but i handed in the assignment so all's good. hee! ohhh!! i made a friend today! yay. Russ, i think. he's tall and buff.. what is it with me and these buff men?? hmmm.... =P today was unofficially the last day of term. cos i only have to be in Uni frm 10-2 tmr. yay!! but DAMN the assignments. grrr. met up with Sera and Felicia for lunch today.. the whole gang really. and lo and behold the world is such a small place! turns out Felicia's friend is Tasha's CJ mate!

just adding some stuff from last night..
[[The following may be offensive to some. Violent and vulgar content included. Parental guidance advised.]]
why are some ppl being such a bitch nowadays?! damn is she going thru pre-quarter-life crisis?! i know sometimes i get inconsiderate and dont think abt others.. but the way she blames me and stuff, it's like i'm the only bloody person at fault here. what the hell is your fuckin boyfriend then a fuckin angel!? i think NOT. if he didnt spend his life on the fuckin com playing i wouldnt have to use it at night. i'm so close to blowing my top at this point. just tell him to get off his fat arse and get a fuckin job and not sponge off the stupid Aussie govt like all the bums who dont give a shit. GOD. i mean in all fairness and honesty, i think my habits and behaviour is nothing in comparison to his. seriously, 40% of the time i spend on the net is for actual educational purposes. at least i'm doing sth with my life. even if i'm still a little directionless now. what are YOU doing? and the guts! DONT tell me what to do. just because i was quick to get on the com, and took up your precious play time, you have no right to believe that my needs are inferior to yours. cos they ARENT. EFF off.

the past couple of weeks have deteriorated. my relations with my own flesh&blood, all cos of 1 Dickhead. *sigh* i've been having scary thoughts.. thoughts of moving out, away from this shit. i dont know how long i can take this crap. the past couple of weeks have turned me to my old ways. finding all excuses to stay out. and just coming home to my bed at night. i sense the tension now. i havent had a proper conversation with her since Fri night. what's gonna happen in months to come? CAN it get any worse? i really dont want it to come to this. but heck she aint doing a thing abt him. so why should i compromise. THAT'S it!! the whole time for a couple of weeks, i feel like i always have to COMPROMISE for others. why is that? i dont want to be sucha pushover anymore. cmon i'm turning 18 in half a year. what happened to the respectability that came with that? life is beginning to be pretty shit eh.

Strumming my P.A.I.N. at 04:57 p.m.

Saturday, March 19, 2005

SHITES!

BAHH i spent half the day siting on this chair staring at the com!! cant believe tennis got cancelled... Bev and Sera bailed on me... i was sad.. and upset. but i got over myself and finished my assignment. so that's good! shites man i was looking forward to it...

hmm Friday. highlights would have to be HMST pract.. omg skinfolds are depressing. i grouped with Benny and Jess. and Toby from yr3 helped us out. ahahah marked ourselves all over with Permanent Red Marker. our right hands and legs and tummies and backs. but it was funnn. although i still dont know all the names of the bones. haha. then we proceeded to poke, prod and pinch each other, and measure and clip... after all the calculations, i need to lose 3.9kg to be at my optimum weight... ha! right.. i think i need to lose more than that! so we finished the pract, and went home with all those markings still on.. i felt like i was in an autopsy!

ok it's getting cold, autumn is here. the night air is way chilly. but i like.. so cosy... lets hope it doesnt rain too much this year.. i wish someone lived near me.. like on my street near.. not St lucia near. that's far. i want to be able to just go out at night to meet up with someone for a chat.. i'm having midnight chats withdrawals. *sigh* gees loneliness is catching up with me again.

Strumming my P.A.I.N. at 09:16 p.m.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

good days feel good.

'Alo 'Alo! i like thursdays.. it's my early day!! like really early.. i start at 9! but hey i finish at 2 so who's complaining?? anyway, today was a big blooper day for me... hmm very embarassed to admit this... i went for the wrong fuckin' PASS session!! since i actually changed the time a couple days after i signed on, i forgot to change the venue as well, so i had a different room num. in my dairy. BAH. i was at the BIOL1011 instead.. no wonder no one looked familiar, and it was kinda weird that they knew so much biology, since it was supposed to be a foundation course.. hahahah!!! shit. what an ass. but hey! i made a new friend.. although she's also from SG.. "birds of a feather flock together" eh?? yeah well. funny thing is, she was in IES a yr before us!! hahaa coincidence.

POOR bev is very sick... she didnt go to uni today, so i spent my break at her's instead... no one can ever describe how therepeutic the presence of ME is... well, she seemed better when i was there, then when i heard her on the phone.. YAY! cheer up BEV!! you'll get well soon. u need your immunities for Salsa this Saturday hahaha! hopefully she'll be well enough to join us for tennis? hmmm if not Sera and i will be stuck with the BOYS. great.

speaking of which, i bumped into Max on the way home... headed for the bus stop and he hopped into view beside me.. haha lame. until he started BLABBERING about his laptop malfunctioning on him.. why doesnt he understand that not everyone knows the mechanisms of a computer or laptop, not everyone shares his PASSION. so quit rambling abt it.. ahahha! nerd.

righto. update on my academic life.. i'm 3/4 finished with my 2nd assignment!! hooray for me. got most of it done this afternoon... and then i went for a JOG. ahahah it's been 148975623 years since i EXERCISED the word almost seems foreign. it wasnt too bad, maybe cos i was jogging at snailpace. hahaha. well i cant just jump into the deep end of the pool without training up abit... seeing as how i'm in HMS, i better start now and keep this up.. it'll do me some good anyway.

Strumming my P.A.I.N. at 10:39 p.m.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

*sigh*

another slow day. had the BIOL1015 PASS session.. my group had lotsa HM-ers.. haha. made a couple more new friends... yay.

i figured i should start on my readings.. went for HPRM tut and i was one of a few who didnt. surprisingly, Schoolies have pretty good discipline when it comes to studying.. i would have thought they couldnt care less! hahaha. i feel so unprepared. bumped into felicia too. i didnt know she was so like me. she feels the way i do abt going to uni.. everything is just so draggy, and it's only the 3rd week! *sigh* what happened to all the fun.

met Bev and Sera after uni.. mann i feel pretty guilty for being so anti and all that today.. i was just so quiet and unapproachable, they must've felt weird. Sera said it was the most depressing meeting we've ever had... hmmm. i'm sorry guys! i just feel like shit these days, dont know why.. it's like i'm waiting for the world to end. i'm just floating along. aimlessly living. a sad directionless kid. i dont know. someone give me some motivation to live!! add some interest to my drab life why dont you... *sigh*

Strumming my P.A.I.N. at 09:52 p.m.

Monday, March 14, 2005

miserable me.

dang the weekend is gone! had my HMST pract on Friday.. interesting!! no matter how depressing height and weight measurements can get.. it's fun to have new ppl around. made a couple of new friends from the pract. i paired with this buff guy who's bloody tall and tattooed, but i cant rem his name.. haha! then met Bev and Sera, had dinner and watched MillionDollarBaby at Southbank. damn! that show rocks! it was really good. even if there was a certain person consistently analysing the cinematography 2 seats away. =)

Saturday. woke up early for some reason, did some housework, and rushed out as fast as i could. met Sera for the World's Greatest Shave at Indooroo. she looks like she's going for NS now!! hahahah Stubbly. then headed off to Beenleigh where we had nice homecooked dinner at Chiew's. yumm.. tennis on Sunday. i feel much better abt myself now that i'm actually being active. hahah! it was good for me. i think i worked a little sweat. the sun was out. but some people really have to get a bloody life.

why does he have to be sucha pigg!! quit picking on me. it's starting to get very annoying now. i just dont get it. what is it that i'm missing here? do i have a permanent KICK ME sign on my back?? i'm getting sensitive about the whole shit. i was so pissed that i started whacking my serves. and almost killed Chiew. thank god she had good reflexes. we're playing again on Sat.. so if he continues his shit i'm gonna blow my top i swear. *grunts* fuckin hell. i was in a mood the whole time after. i was quiet and i had a fucking urge to smoke my lungs out. but i only had 3 left. ERGH. Sera said that the rest were wondering what was wrong with me.. they thought i was unwell. well TAKE A LOOK AROUND PIG. u're making me miserable.

and shit!!! i think we're getting into a financial crisis at home. Dad cant send us money for now.. so we had to "review our budget".. i'm supposed to only have 15bucks a week. great. but u know, it's a good excuse to finally start my long-awaited diet. if i dont have money, i cant buy snacks!! hooray. i think i'll just spend money on ciggies now.. since it takes my appetite away anyway.. it'll work out.

Strumming my P.A.I.N. at 07:29 p.m.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

un-draggy.

fuckin hell! the com just hung on me. bloody five paragraphs lost in fuckin cyberspace. if someone was trying to call.... it better not be someone i know. grrr.

spent the day in uni, would have been my early day, but i accompanied bev.. since i'm such a BEAUTIFUL friend. ahah! had such long and wise mature conversations with her during lunch too. told you i'm an old soul... feminism seemed to be a hot topic today! heading to Toowong, the sky turned dark grey. so we had to rush to DepperSt. to save her clothes.. long bus wait, and a telephone call from Yvette! older and wiser? not! she was telling me abt how she spent her day at work throwing up. *tsktsk* so i SHARED with her abt how i wasnt gonna drink for the rest of my life(1 wk in English)!! just hope she doesnt tell Darren or A.Yvonne abt my recent drinking adventures, i'll never hear the end of it if Mum finds out.

well.. spending many hours with Bev made me realise how similar we are, it's not even funny.. she's the first person i've had a conversation with abt stuff i never talk abt. she understands things abt me that i sometimes dont. hmm. her opening up abt some things caught me by surprise though. i have no experience in the matter. but i guess it's good for someone to listen. everyone needs someone who listens. it may not be very productive, but it sure helps alot. therepeutic almost. this i speak form experience. truthfully, there was a point in my Mugachino-guzzling where i felt a little teary. nothing in particular, but i was just so grateful to be in a conversation like that. all the pent-up emotion was rising.. pent-up from years of grief and un-councelled matters. i didnt want to go home. hmm. is this my latchkey-kid syndrome coming back? perhaps.

so, in review. was this day such a drag after all? i think not. i've put a few million creative brain cells to use, and gotten to know a friend better in a few hours. i even managed to let out some frustration in the midst of it. well. productive after all. ohh! i even re-aquainted myself with another tut mate.. lucy! haha. it's looking uphill now...

Strumming my P.A.I.N. at 09:39 p.m.

Tuesday, March 8, 2005

uni life... and so much more!!

and so another week commences.. oh how dreary life has become. wake up, go to uni, almost fall asleep, come home, cook/eat, do some work/internet/music, sleep.. and the vicious cycle continues. *sigh*

with the exception of the few meetings with Bev in the week i.e: Tues and Thurs, and the first Tut of a course i.e: HPRM1000, uni seems to be such a drag. this first few lectures have brought to light how unknowledgeable i am of all things academic! i know jack shit about half the things they talk about. which brings me to the next point. i think i should invest in a couple of texts. hahahah! i know.. i'm slow. oh welll....

right.. Tennis on Sunday was a blast! thanxxx sera for being so UNpunctual.. it was left to the brothers, Chiew and i for the most part. at one point, i had a revelation that Sera planned it all!! not turning up i mean. she wasnt answering any of our calls or messages. turns out she just had things to do around the house. but now i dont think i want to go any further with this. my heart wants sth out of it, but my mind is being wise and telling me not to be so desperate. haha. yeah.

i guess i'm 90% against it now. what i saw on Sunday was such a turn off. i rather keep the friendship and have fun with him, then go any deeper. it would be too hard and too weird if i tried sth on him. *sighsigh* life is so dramatic. i feel like i'm on a soap. a very bad B-rated one.

before my life-changing decision was made, a couple of incidents almost made me turn back in hope. with him being sucha joker.. he took a piss out of a certain couple with me.. twice! but somehow, i felt that it wasnt totally meant for them. since they were rather suggestive towards me... hmmm. why cant he be more straightforward!?! all these actions is becoming to confusing for my little brain. hmph! and all that touchy-feely nonsense. is it just innocent play, or sth more underlying it... okok. i'm getting way ahead of myself here! i shall stop blabbering.

anyway.. after tennis, Chiew dropped the brothers off before we went for dinner. the car ride of my life. Thanx chiew the roundabout was such a joy... ;) after dinner, we spent at least an hr in her car talking.. omg girl talk to the max!(pun INTENDED) we just sat there in the dark and talked. i love that! if only things dont close so early over here.. just like back home. nocturnal bumming sessions. if only...

Strumming my P.A.I.N. at 08:27 p.m.

Saturday, March 5, 2005

recoveries are always painful

uuuurrrrgggghhh... i feel sickkk... a night of aimless shot drinking isnt good for the health. i've never felt this bad since... EVER.

Sera joined me for Friday's lects... SO SWEEEET! iloveyougirl... anyway... met bev before heading to indooroo to meet the rest. when we finally arrived at the forest AKA pullenvale, we just bummmmeddd. ahhaah watched TV like there was no tmr... had dinner... LAKSA is good when you're famished.. even better when the weather is cold!

and then we started the shots. omg i think i was losing it or sth cos i had no control over myself. i lost count after 5! and i think i had too many too fast. cos i was dizzy too early! i must have been talking way too loudly cos i felt like i was shouting. hahaha! what a dumbass. then after a couple of smokes, i was dead. literally! all i remember was bev asking me to go inside, but i didnt want to get off the floor. =P then once inside, i stayed in the loo to puke my guts out. hehehe Bev said i was there for over an hour! hmm it seemed like only a couple of minutes!! was out cold after that...

if you read this Bev, THANX!!!! you took care of me.. i know how it feels to have to take care of someone like that.. i'm eternally grateful! and i hope it was a night worth spending with us... take your mind off things for abit. keep in mind that i'm here if you need to talk alright? $49 cap... make it worth!! ahahah.

well this morning was much worse i think. since i was very much awake, i felt all the discomfort you get in a morning-after situation.. and i puked again.. all that water i drank for NOTHING! grrr. and now i have a weird feeling in my tummy. dont know how long this will last. i think Tennis will do me some good. i hope!

its gonna be the brothers, Chiew, Sera and i, and maybe Sera's QUT friend.. hehe EVAN! =) the plan was for me to do sth tmr... initiate the process. but i dont know what i'm gonna do.. or if i should in the first place! BAH! so much stress. i think right now, my main priority is to feel better. i wont think about other matters at the moment. hehehe! good luck to me.

Strumming my P.A.I.N. at 08:10 p.m.

Thursday, March 3, 2005

cant wait for the weekend.

just put up pics from Chiew's bday.. it's not much though. shame. click Here

well i skipped the 9am lect today.. BIOL1008 is boring enough. i dont need to attend one that is lectured by a boring grey-haired lady who loves bacteria.. and not at 9am!! oh godd. i hope i dont make this a weekly habit.. but stilll!!!

will be with BEV all day tmr. hehehe i know she loves me so! =P going Uni shopping before heading out to meet Sera. i still have no idea who else will be going to her place. besides myself and Bev... she doesnt want to invite the Boys.. girls night in.. so then what abt Chiew, Phoe and Karen? oh well.. it'll be fun with or without them... if only Bev would stay..

meeting Tasha at Indooroo later.. she had a KFC craving last night.. hahah so i guess we'll eat out tonight. how lame!

just to update on all things EMO. i'm caught in between now.. should i pursue or not? i dont know... i would like to think that i have half a chance at sth... but the more time that passes by, i'm not so sure anymore. i havent seen him in almost 5 days. but lately, i go to bed thinking abt all the possibilities. i'm never gonna let this go. i can tell. not till sth happens. and i'm getting ohsovery impatient.

Strumming my P.A.I.N. at 04:43 p.m.

Wednesday, March 2, 2005

WHYYY?

it's been a rather stagnant week for me. i know i'm supposed to be all excited and shit cos it's the first week of Uni, like some people i know...*cough*BEV*cough* hahaha! but anyway. it's pretty difficult to be all excited when you're scared shitless. the thing is, i dont know how to approach all the new bloody ppl in my life! and it's almost impossible to just start a conversation with the person next to me when a few rows down the lecturer is giving their spiels... *sigh* well i suppose i'm not the only one feeling the stress of the possible social outcast label. i see many people stroll in and out of the lectures alone! i should give it some time... it would get better in tuts and pracs. i hope.. right...?

well. all things academic aside.. i havent seen a certain COUPLE all week since we began our journey in uni. it's like they disappeared from the face of the earth!! and him too... whyyy?? i need to see the face of the person that i intend to test, before i can test. this is all too complicated. life has too many loops for me to handle.. and there are so many cuties i wanna talk to in the lects!! ergh.. whhhyyyy...

Strumming my P.A.I.N. at 10:24 p.m.