the 11th hour

music:
date: Thursday, January 17, 2008 time: 11:29 p.m.

It is just a few more days before I embark on a new journey to prison staff training school. It's gonna be like a 2nd BMT for me only it's twice as long and more boring lessons. And no more stupid outfield. I've been preparing for a bit. Altough still under emotional wreck I will give my best for the first week.

I'm thinking of what to do this weekend. I have science centre tickets. Ahmad would go with me but I also had to go to penin to collect my uniform that was sent for alteration. I do hope it turn out well. The tailor is so gay. Last week fir was trying on his pants and the tailor was making markings and he sort of touch the groin area and asked.. is this ok? do u want to be sexy? everybody wants to be sexy.. he's from myanmar so he said those things in some wierd accent. Freaky.
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date: Wednesday, January 16, 2008 time: 07:17 a.m.

Just making an entry before I go to work.
I am no longer with my girlfriend. It can be a bad thing but there must be something good in a bad thing. I am thankful for my friends like yan anhmad and fir. It is always comforting to know that you got friends that are there for you.

I was sad, but now I am getting used to the feeling of being by myself and finding my own things to do. After all I keep telling myself its her loss. Cus I was always good to her. Maybe not always. But still I don't deserve being cheated on. Nobody deserves to be betrayed like me.

I am fine. I will be ok.
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date: Wednesday, January 9, 2008 time: 07:12 p.m.

I am feeling more lonely then ever these days.. confused, lost and I seem to be losing myself.
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date: Sunday, January 6, 2008 time: 07:16 p.m.

Watched AVP2 last night with my gf in tampines. It was a midnight show. I don't know why she chose AVP2. She fell asleep halfway and I was left to watch the boring show. It's a not worth your money kinda show. After that we went to newton for supper and had a talk. I didn't enjoy the food by the way, cus I was having a bad cold. I can't taste the food and I kept sneezing.

It's 2 more weeks till training starts.

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date: Friday, January 4, 2008 time: 12:09 a.m.

I'm still fucked up. But work is still ok. 2008 won't be a good year for me. That's for sure.
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date: Tuesday, January 1, 2008 time: 10:25 p.m.

Somehow, 2008 didn't start well for me. I feel so fucked up.
------------------------- music: meg and dia - yellow butterfly
date: Tuesday, January 1, 2008 time: 12:29 p.m.

So it is 2008 already. Wasen't really excited last night or today. I was more of bored. I still am. I need a haircut. Maybe I'll go down to the barber later. Oh I am so bored right now. And pissed. Off. At don't know what. I think my NYR would be to be less angry, grumpy, snappy and more cool.
------------------------- music: the ataris - and we all become like smoke
date: Sunday, December 30, 2007 time: 12:40 p.m.

Today is a beautiful sunday. Beautiful sunday afternoon. This morning I had breakfast with my gf at the coffeeshop near our house. After sending her home, I walk around the neighbourhood thinking about alot of things. 2008 is just around the corner and so much things have changed. I began to think about and miss so many things. I went home and read my archived entry which went back to 2003.. I made a list of some of the things I am missing now.

I miss..
school (TP)
hanging out with my poly friends as students taking break from assignments and projects
jamming with funkerfellarz (muzn, fauzie..) and business as usual/state of grace (lukman and froz)
skating with my skatemates on weekend afternoons
thinking about nothing other than skateboarding and music
being emo
getting to meet my friends everyday
and so many other things..

Life is just too fast. They never seems to wait..
------------------------- music: hidden in plain view - the chaser
date: Saturday, December 29, 2007 time: 10:26 p.m.

It has been about a month now since I started working. So far so good. I've been to 3 places so far. Now I am in sembawang prison. It is very near to sembawang camp. Somewhere very familiar. I am glad the staff have been very helpful and good to us attachment staff, who are still new to the work. I didn't expect it to be this good. I somehow can't wait to start my training.

My girlfriend and I like to go out to eat and try new places. I want to mention some places that to us have very horrible service. On top of the list is SUBWAY DOWNTOWN EAST . The people working there can't be bothered. They sit down and listen to the radio and didn't bother to tidy up the place. The person serving us and making the sandwich was super slow taking his time while paying more attention to the music playing in there sort of headbanging and singing along and suddenly he saw some insect on the floor then he stopped making our sandwich to pick something and kill it and went back to our sandwich. What the fuck? I almost wanted to just leave. Other subways I have been to are fine. Like the tampines one. Another place with fucked up service is RAMEN TEN CENTURY SQUARE TAMPINES. Totally fucked up. The service is slow. The food fucking sucks. and they let their staff eat their lunch on the table together with the customers. Can you imagine? They sit down occupying customers seats and after eating they will put back their apron and continue their work. And when you order they will write your order on a paper and leave it on your table. The waitress came back with our food, looks around blur like fucking sotong and walk to our table and as if we are invisible stare hard at the paper on our table to make out our orders i mean can't they like ask? did you order this or that? and our sushi was so damn slow and it came without the soy sauce and wasabe. We have to ask for soy sauce?? fuck!!! fuck these places! DO NOT GO TO RAMEN TEN CENTURY SQUARE TAMPINES AND SUBWAY DOWNTOWN EAST PASIR RIS. The service will make you piss off. Other RAMEN TEN outlets are good still like far east. The food just taste better and the staff actually SMILE at you unlike the one in tampines. So there you have it, places to eat that I won't go anymore and we all should avoid. I think a good service will be a service with a smile. Just a smile makes a whole lot difference to the service.

Good night.
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date: Thursday, December 20, 2007 time: 07:50 p.m.

My pc is up again. Costed me 75$ for the ram. Its hari raya haji. There's nothing to do. I am having this terrible cold. Kept sneezing every 2 minutes. Was supposed to watch a movie but when we got there they told us the online booking didnt get through. Then I remembered I forgot to wait for the confirmation id!! My girlfriend was pissed but just for awhile. Oh yeah, we had sushi the other day. The sushi buffet and I was so full I couldnt walk straight. I have never had so many sushis at one time.

Work is ok. Still got alot of things to learn and experience before my course starts.
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date: Sunday, December 9, 2007 time: 12:26 p.m.

So my pc is down again. And I am too lazy to get it fixed. Its the ram. I am sick of my pc keeps breaking down. I want to get a new one with faster ram. In the meantime, I have been pretty occupied with work. I started working since last tuesday, I was attached to tanah merah prison or TMP where all the hardcore repeat offenders are housed and I shall not disclose too much about it and get charged so yeah this week from monday to friday I had my orientation course at Home team academy. It gave us a little taste of whats to come during our training which will commence on the 21 of january. It is a 6 month course and it sounds very physically and mentally demanding cus of the PT and academic training. I used to think prison work is open gate close gate and slack all day but now I realised it is more demanding then that. The instructor told us that if that is all we do then why are they hiring poly or degree people and give them a high paying salary? which makes me think again. There's really more to that. So far it has been an interesting experience and I am proud of my job. I hope to do well in the course and make it my career.

It felt really wierd to be staying in a bunk again. There were 10 of us in a bunk and I almost felt like those NS or BMT days. But everyone was cool. I somehow cant wait to train with them. The first thing we were told is to forget our NS days cus this is different. How? well NS is forced to do but now where we were, we asked for it, we signed up for it so we just got to give our best. We were also told it is ok to be ON here cus we draw salary what.

After booking out on friday I met my girlfriend at white sands and we went to a nice place to eat and she surprised me with a levis shirt and it looks very cool. I love it so much. Yesterday we went out to bugis and watched the heartbreak kid. A very funny show. Enjoyed it so much. I feel happy now and more complete with all the blessings in my life.
------------------------- music: meg and dia - masterpiece
date: Monday, November 26, 2007 time: 10:47 p.m.

So tomorrow I will be reporting to prison HQ. I am having a mixed feelings of excited, nervous, sad, happy and sometimes it makes me feel piss off too. Maybe because during the 3 weeks I feel like I didn't get to do the things I wanted to. Like changing my blog layout, go for more runs cus my legs is sore most of the time. Didn't get to watch rocky 2 that I downloaded. Or toy story or the little rascals. Basically it's how I felt before I started NS like everyting is gonna be different. But I am sure it won't be as bad. Cus I won't have to stay in until my training starts which is next year, its a shift job not a stay in job like army. So yeah. I will try to get a good night sleep soon. Gonna keep telling myself hey it won't be so bad. At least the job has a decent pay and at least I have a job. Oh man this is so getting to me.
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date: Saturday, November 24, 2007 time: 11:27 p.m.

Today our friends Is and fazlina got engaged. So we were at her house. The food was nice. After that we went to city hall. We watched The Kingdom. It was ok. Not so outstanding. Quite a boring day I guess. I miss my friends. It kinda sucks when we don't hang out or chill anymore. Thinking about those times makes me feel like I am the only one stucked in yesterday. Maybe I am just scared of starting my new job. I got that feeling again. The same feeling when I am going to army. The everything wont be the same again feeling. The past 3 weeks have been great. But it's not so great. Too much lazing around and watching movies. It can make you crazy. I was watching suria the other day. I just have to say that please suria stop making stupid reality shows. All the reality shows made by suria is very LAME. From the show business which had the most annoying host ever. To this stupid cooking show. What the fuck? I try to ignore it but I just got to get it off my chest. STUPID LAME WASTE OF AIRTIME AND MONEY. but their serial drama shows are good and entertaining. I just can't stand the reality shows. It's too damn lame and annoying. Do you remember the business shows? how can a person (the host) be so annoying and irritating? and the stupid team names.. like wtf is stylo milo? wtf man?? gees.. and now this cooking show? i cant even bring myself to watch the advertisement or those little ad on the corner of the screen. I hope they just stick to drama and music shows. Stop trying to copy american reality tv shows. Which are VERY good! like my favourites are the contender, ultimate fighters, who wants to be a superhero, the apprentice or even amazing race is entertaining. I will never watch suria's stupid lame ass reality shows.. cooking celebrity? give me a break!! wtf man..
------------------------- music: the cranberries - miss you
date: Monday, November 19, 2007 time: 12:32 a.m.

My girlfriend and I watched a hindi movie yesterday. Om Shanti Om. At GV tampines. It was good. Very. I had that wonderful after feeling after the show. It even lasted till the next morning as the moment after I woke up I remembered how great the show was. A must see. I was never a fan of hindi movie till I gave it a chance. I only like the good ones. They make you feel really good. They take you to another place kinda feeling. Cool. No wonder they're making so much money. In conclusion, it was worth my money. So stop trying to be cool and watch hindi movies.

Today is already Monday. 1 more week to go.
------------------------- music: mandy moore - i wanna be with you
date: Friday, November 16, 2007 time: 02:29 p.m.

Well oh well, here I am again with another entry. Nothing much to say actually. I am listening to mandy moore right now. I think she has a great voice. And you got to listen to her cover umbrella. Eat that Rihanna. That is how the song should be sung. It brings out the true meaning of the lyrics. Cus in a song, the music is the appearance and the lyrics is the soul. It's got to match. In my opinion that is. You can check out the song in youtube if you haven't. If you have good for you.

Nothing much is hapening these days. Besides my gym sessions in the morning, I just laze around at home. Have you ever watch tv, dozed off and when you wake up its another program and you dozed of again and its another program? Shiok. Other than that I'll watch some movies from limewire.

Where have all my friends gone? seems like everyone is occupied with their own things and their own girlfriends. Do I have to plan something out then you'll all wanna meet? Or am I being leftout here?

By the way I have changed my number.. find me in msn for my number if you want if not then just don't cus you won't need it anyway. I can't afford to waste my sms on.. hi this is my new number!

Laters.
------------------------- music: the cranberries - linger
date: Monday, November 12, 2007 time: 12:47 a.m.

It's been a week of freedom for me. 2 more to go till I start my new job. I have been spending the days well I guess. With my pay just came in, I am never happier. Been spending quite alot. I got a dvd player, new shoes and a new shirt and also some supplements from the net. Cus I've been working out again. I am also trying to eat clean after slacking for the whole of fasting month. Anyone wanna join me in the gym? I will be going to the clubfitt gym in tampines every mon, wed, fri and if I feel like it saturday mornings. On other days I will go for a run. I am so enjoying my life right now.

------------------------- music: the used - all that I've got
date: Thursday, November 8, 2007 time: 01:21 p.m.

Raya has been great. Had the raya outing last weekend or was it last last weekend? hmm been lost in date here. I will put up pics later. I'm glad it went pretty well. Except for some people who didn't make it. It wasen't easy to get everyone together. I thank everyone who cooperated and made it happen.

I have resigned from my position as it support in siglap sec and handed over the job to a friend of mine who got a better pay then me cus he didn't go through any agency. Good for him cus he may need the job longer then me. So in the meantime I will just slack at home and do the things I've always wanted to until I start my new job with prison service at the end of this month.

Laters
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date: Thursday, October 25, 2007 time: 10:51 p.m.

So today was the last day of school. The kids were all super excited and countdown at the last bell. I start to think back about my last day of sec sch before the holidays. I can't really remember. I never really enjoyed or remember my early lower sec days. I was the quiet read one corner kid with not much friends. It was only in my sec 3 class that I started to make friends. I noticed somehow there's alot of difference in behaviour between the lower sec and upper sec besides the pants. The lower sec are always running around. Don't they get tired? I feel tired just by looking at them.

Anyway tomorrow's friday and it's one more week till I leave that school. I will be replaced by a friend of mine. I would rather handover the position to someone I know then to just let them find cus I know alot of people in need of a job. I am glad I can help. So here's pictures from work.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

I actually like working here..
------------------------- music: alkaline trio - your neck
date: Sunday, October 21, 2007 time: 12:03 a.m.

Hopefully if all goes well the raya outing which is planned by me my brother and is will be next sunday. I am really trying my best to make sure that everyone who wants to go can make it. We'll just see how it goes.

So far everything is going well. I have managed to tell my hod that I will be leaving in october. I need a few weeks break before I start my new job. I have also got someone to replace me. It's not easy cus of the pay.

Other then that I have not much to update. Here's some pictures.

my love

my pad

my family

my raya eve

my view

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date: Sunday, October 14, 2007 time: 03:46 p.m.

It's hari raya again and I would like to wish all my friends and everyone who knows me and is reading this blog selamat hari raya. Jika ada salah dan silap harap dimaafi. I was too busy and tired to update yesterday.

Raya feels good this year. Firstly because I have ord. It makes all the difference in the world. To raya and not think about camp. Unlike last year. Secondly, I have a job. And a good one soon. I have taken some pics gonna put it up maybe tonight. I've been eating too many cookies and those drinks.

To all my friends when are we gonna have our raya outing?
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date: Sunday, October 7, 2007 time: 10:41 p.m.

It's been a really long time since I last updated. There's too many things to recap. So many I won't bother to go so far back. I am still working in siglap sec as IT AV asst. Work is still ok. It almost feel like back to poly days sometimes. Being surrounded by computers in an air con room. Spending most of my time surfing the net. It's cool. Can be stressful at time cus the teachers will look for you even for the slightest problems. Like why isn't the projector on? All I did really was to switch on the power on the wall. Well, that's my job. I am going to quit soon anyway. Cus come november I'll be a prison officer to be. This coming thursday will be the training deed signing thing. So yea. Wish me luck. Ohter than that I'm pretty much looking forward to raya. Which is like a week away. I'm wearing orange and black this year. So please try to avoid those colors people. Unless you won't mind wearing the same color as me. Well, I do. So yeah.

I got new handphone!!! K800! really excited cus I've been using the old skool nokia since forever! Yeah the old skool nokia is the one with the picture message and wierd ringtones. My gf was always embarrased when I take it out in public. Anyway the camera is really good. Took some picture today. Here's cleaning up the house and going out to get food for breaking fast. Laters.

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date: Wednesday, September 12, 2007 time: 12:15 a.m.

It was my mum's birthday on sunday. Fina and I got her this sort of jug and glasses set. We went to arab st for dinner. With her and my mum and dad and my sis. Her sis was there too. It was amazing how she can layan my dad. It was a long day but it was fun. Earlier that day I went to vivo city with yan and Fina and her sis and her 2 girls. I have to say this. I think her 1 year old Afra is the most adorable looking baby I have ever seen. All those other babies would just lose to her in a babyshow.

Fasting month is a few days away. I'm looking forward to it. This time not for losing weight or Hari Raya but I hope to bring myself closer to god. I think one of my life goals now is to be able to perform umrah during the fasting month.
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date: Thursday, September 6, 2007 time: 11:03 p.m.

I am alread working now. At a secondary school as IT technical assistant. It's just a few stops away from my home. It's so near I'm gonna come back home for lunch and save money. Cus the pay isn't much. But it's only temp. Until I find a permanent job that is. But I'm thankful. Work is kinda slack for now cus it's the school holidays. I'm sure it'll get more busy next week. I hope I'll do fine cus I still got alot to learn. Oh and the IT trainers there are all from the company that I worked for during my attachments. It sure brings back memories. Anyway I saw this cool show just now. Who wants to be a superhero. It's really cool. Kinda like the apprentice only you get Stan Lee instead of D Trump and if the contestant win His or her character will be immortalised as a comic character by Stan Lee.

It feels wierd to be doing something again and actually working. Waking up at 6 or 7 is really too early for a guy like me. I'll get used to it.
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date: Thursday, August 30, 2007 time: 11:53 p.m.

How was the fitness test? It was postponed, due to the rain. Now I have to wait another 2 more weeks for it. Maybe I should find another job. I have another interview next Tuesday with Singapore Customs. NOT ICA. Its under different ministry but the pay is about the same I guess. So we'll see how it goes. I am miserable these days cus of my unemployment. All my friends are working. I'm the only one left jobhunting and I feel like my life is going nowhere. I swear I have never been so depressing ever. Being broke just makes it worse. And before you know it fasting month and hari raya is just around the corner.
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date: Sunday, August 26, 2007 time: 11:59 p.m.

It's been weeks, I guess since my last entry. All thanks to my sister who screwed up my pc. It really pissed my off. Let's not talk about it. But here I am again. Still unemployed and slacking around. My girlfriend's sister got married this weekend so that pretty much kept me occupied abit. Didn't get to see my friends cus none came.

I have a fitness test coming up real soon. It's part of a job selection. I won't reveal anything yet. I just hope I make it on this one.

Oh well.
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date: Monday, August 6, 2007 time: 11:02 p.m.

Today my girlfriend and I went to catch a movie at princess bedok. Make that 2 movies. Cus the ticket was cheap and we had alot of time so yea. I heard from some people that although the tickets there were cheap the cinema was in bad condition. But we went in and it was ok. We watched Alone and the simpsons. Alone is a really good horror movie that everyone must watch. I'm not really into horrors but this one is really good. The Simpsons is still good. You won't stop laughing throughout the whole show.

I just had to update about last friday at baybeats. Plainsunset put up at awesome rocking set. I had a really great time. It was a blast. Best baybeats for me. I just wanted to watch plainsunset's set. I also saw these 2 other bands. Caracal and some philipino band. Caracal is super tight no matter what some people might say or mock they're "rockstar" or whatever. I can see tremendous effort put into their set. Altough I missed the other 2 days that one night was a superblast.

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date: Friday, August 3, 2007 time: 12:42 a.m.

I was so bored today. I cleaned my room and pretended hari raya was coming. It's so much more cleaner now. I read up all the archives in my blog and realised I've been blogging for almost 5+ years including my other 2 blog accounts. Before this I was using diaryland then I switched to livejournal and then this. People say it's stupid to talk about your private life on the internet and let everyone read about it. Well I say they're stupid. Why? cus I can and they don't, why? cus they don't have a blog that's why and if they have one their friends would say hey I thought your not into blogging. Get it? It's all about sharing stories, thoughts and pictures. So there.

I was at the gym today and I bumped into Anwar. An old skate friend of mine. Been such a long time since I met up with him cus he was at germany for months and months and we kinda had alot of catching up to do. Like why we aren't skating much these days. Anyway it was great to see him again.

I haven't been buying any Straits Times or looking through jobstreet.com these past week. I am sick of jobhunting. Anyway I have an interview on the 13 of august. I am really counting on this one. I'm not gonna talk much about it till I get it maybe. In the meantime I'm just gonna chill the burger as my cousin would always put it and do the things I won't get to do once I got a job. Like cleaning my room. Maybe tomorrow I'll clean up the whole house. We'll see. Oh yeah. That and being the household driver. Cus I seem to be driving my mum everywhere these days. Yeah so we'll see..
------------------------- music: plainsunset - interference
date: Tuesday, July 31, 2007 time: 10:58 p.m.

The other day we had our sincerity day as proclaimed by Ahmad, Yan and my brother and my girlfriend. Mostly by Ahmad cus he likes to proclaim and name anything and everything. Like, on that night a cat came to us and he went i shall call you bobby. And we're like do you have to name everything? haha.. I'm just kidding man. Well anyway according to them, cus I wasen't around last year when the first sincerity day happened, we had to sit together, each person will take a paper and write down anything that they want to share with everyone. It can be anything at all. Family issues, issues with yourself.. or your horrible ex girlfriend.. anyting as long as it is meaningful. I guess. After which you'll share it with the others and then we'll all burn the paper or throw them out to sea, if there's a sea nearby. For me it was a good bonding session that reminds me of how we'll always be there for each other. I feel really blessed to have them as my friends.

Yan, my brother, Fik my cousin and me are really excited about our band. I guess we're really happy with our songs. I can't wait to jam every weekend. We're still new though but I've been in a few bands before and it never felt this good. Like we're all aiming for the same sound of our band. We have a handful of originals and I wonder where we can go to record a pretty decent demo.

Oh yeah and I can't wait for baybeats this Friday. Yes this is supposed to be my ORD baybeats. Been waiting for this one since last year. I can still remember I missed it cus of NDP rehearsals. To all involved in NDP this year.. tell me about it.. haha. Although I am still jobless it still feels goooood to have ORD.

Good Night.
------------------------- music: yellowcard - firewater
date: Thursday, July 26, 2007 time: 01:07 a.m.

So I am still jobhunting. I think it'll take me a few more weeks I suppose. These few days have been quite depressing, frustrating and more. The only thing that makes me happy and my spirits up is my girlfriend. We went to watch order of the pheonix. We had fun. But later that day I kinda made her angry. It is really hard for me when she gets angry. I hate it when we fight. But I love it when we sit down, sort things out and we are happy again. That's the beautiful thing that I can't explain.

Jobhunting is very confusing, frustrating and depressing. You'd email your resume a thousand times and not a single one will get any reply or response. You'd call thos little advertisements on the papers and they'll tell you sorry we want chinese speaking. Chinese speaking?? more like you don't want a malay to work for you. I don't want to be racist but why can't they learn ENGLISH? And it's even more frustrating when every single job ad need experience. Do I have to lie in my resume so that they'll hire me? Ridiculous but true. Especially the mandarin speaking part. What are we? China? I used to know a net friend from USA who thought singapore was from China! and now I know why. Maybe they should have 2 classifieds. English and CHINA companies.
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date: Tuesday, July 17, 2007 time: 01:41 a.m.

My days have never been so depressing. Right now I hope I get employed real soon.
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date: Sunday, July 15, 2007 time: 10:54 p.m.

It has been a long week. I was happy. I had job everyone was nice to me. I almost wanted to say that I love my job. Until I found out I'm not gonna be paid for overtime. All the long hours for nothing? Suddenly I wanted to quit. I feel that I can get a better pay elsewhere. But the people there are super nice. They're like a family and I feel so welcomed. It almost felt like a second family. I am so confused right now. But I know I can't go on. I can't afford to burn my weekends for just a couple of hours timeoff. As much as I love the people there I think it's best and wise to look for a better job that'll pay me for my OT. I've already been through 2 shitholes. My student attachment where they multi task me and make me work 7 days a week. and NS. Overwork and underpaid. I don't want to be in another one. I'm not saying that the place is a shithole it's just that maybe the workload is too much for me and they're not paying enough compared to the working hours. Am I making sense? Oh well.. looks like I'll join Yan and Is to another job hunting tomorrow. This is getting depressing.
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date: Tuesday, July 10, 2007 time: 11:23 p.m.

So today was day one. It was not bad for a start. So much things to learn. The people are nice and so far so good. Just that I still feel abit scared cus the boss seems to have high hopes on me. I had to learn and understudy from all the departments.

I'm tired. So long never work. I'm gonna miss my lazy afternoons!! and my late nights!!
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date: Monday, July 9, 2007 time: 10:33 p.m.

My job hunting ends today. I hope. Cus I got a job already. Went for the first interview at *************. The boss wasen't even there and the interview was through the phone in his office. How wierd. After talking to me he said he want to hire me as project executive. He asked me about IT and I have no confidence in IT despite my diploma. Cus after 2 years of army and my grades wasen't that good. I never thought of working in any IT line. But right now I wish I knew more things about my line. So I won't end up in this situation. My advise is don't take up IT. Do business or engineering which has way more better market. Well anyway the boss said to me over the phone it's ok, and he had someone who will guide me and I will work under her.

So although I got the job I don't feel totally happy. I am scared, worried, no confident, and more. I need more motivation. I hope my first day tommorrow won't be my last and will go well. I don't want to go job hunting again. It's no fun anymore.

Oh and I watched transformers today with my girlfriend. Sort of to celebrate. The show was superb. Cool shit. The CGI was so amazingly real. Now I know why everyone I know has watched it twice or more! Seriously if you had not watched it. Better go soon. This is truly a movie of the year.
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date: Monday, July 9, 2007 time: 12:37 a.m.

I have 2 interviews tomorrow. I need a job but I don't know if the job I'm going for tomorrow is what I really want. Right now I'll just go to any interviews for experience. Maybe that way if I get rejected it won't be that bad.

Went to vivo city with my girlfriend today and we ate at swensens. I was so damn full I can't walk straight. We had the crayfish pasta for 2 and a banan split for me and some ice cream for her. It was in a tall glass and so much. We couldn't finish it. It was good. Abit too much I think. After that went jamming. It was ok. Except for the cables that always cockup the session. We wasted almost an hour setting up. We need our own cables.

My friend has a "chibai" problem. Just want him to know that all of us got your back. You just need time and determination to wake up and back on your feet. It's all up to you man. Don't dwell on useless and selfish things that won't do you good anymore. I will always pray for your happiness and for you to recover from this misery insyallah. I am sure this is one of the challenges we face in life. Only Allah knows best. Don't do stupid things cus it's not fair for the rest of us or even yourself, don't give up on life and don't lose faith in Him.
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date: Thursday, July 5, 2007 time: 11:59 p.m.

It's been weeks and I am still unemployed. I've been sending out my resumes everyday, been going to some interviews and still. It's either no response or rejections. Maybe I am abit choosy. I didn't know getting a job was this hard. But I won't give up just yet. I'll just keep doing it and pray that I'll get a good job.

I've also been kinda occupied cus my girlfriend's sick and I've been accompanying her to clinics and the hospital for blood tests. A suspected dengue case. But she's ok now. Hope she gets better. I am always gonna be there for her.

Anyways, here are some pics from kapas island captured from Muzn's cameras. The lomograph turned out really cool. I miss that place. It was so beautiful and a very relaxing place to be.

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date: Monday, June 25, 2007 time: 10:40 p.m.

I am back yet again from another holiday trip. Went to the beautiful beaches of kapas island. Had a blast. I will put up pictures and share stories from the trip soon. When I get hold of the pictures.

Meanwhile, I am still looking for a job. I think I may have to work any part time jobs at the moment while searching and waiting for any of my career choice openings. I think my diploma is useless. I hope to contiue my studies someday. When I say someday, people will tell me oh dah malas ah tu. But they're wrong. I say that cus I don't have the cash.

I am feeling so lost right now and it's only 3+ weeks since I ord. It's like I don't know where I'm heading. I dread this feeling but that dosen't mean I wanna go back to camp days. I don't miss my days in camp AT ALL. I pretty much hate that place. Army life dosen't suck. It's where you're posted and who you're working for or with that matters.

I am in no mood to update much now. Maybe next time I'll talk about the trip. It was wonderful.
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date: Wednesday, June 20, 2007 time: 12:11 p.m.

I am going for another trip tonight. To some island in malaysia I forgot it's name. I am just following my parents. My dad was noisy this morning cus I haven't packed and I did it in just 20 minutes. What's the deal. I'm trying to be as patient as I can. With my dad.

I went for a job interview yesterday, well not really an interview just one of a selection process. If I make it then they'll send me for a panel interview. Basically yesterday they told me or us cus there were 5 of us that time to roleplay. 3 roleplays altogether. Roleplay? yes it was quite awkward. The scenes includes talking to my superior about problems to having a discussion meetings with 2 very annoying and totally not helping me out collegues. Stressfull I tell ya. But here's my less stressful moments as captured by Ahmad;

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date: Sunday, June 17, 2007 time: 01:40 a.m.

It feels good to not have to book into camp every sunday night anymore. I am feeling the freedom. But it's not all fun and games. I am feeling the pressure right now. Pressure of finding the right job. I went for a walkin interview today for a position as a APO, under sats. Something like cisco but in the aiport. I was with Yan. I was rater surprised when I enquired with the lady at the reception and she told me the basic pay was 950$. Are you kiddin me. 2 year bond somemore! I decided not to carry on further. How? What will I do? I wanted to join Yan at his sandwich shop for awhile. That is if there's still vacancy. We'll see. But it'll be fun. If not then.. oh I really don't know. Oh well..
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date: Thursday, June 14, 2007 time: 10:37 p.m.

Hey. I am back from umrah. Actually it's been a few days since I got back. Just didn't got the time to update cus I spent most of the time sleeping, lazing around and enjoying life abit.

Umrah was really an eye opener. I don't know how to describe my trip or my journey. But it has left me feeling so blessed and calm. I have to say that at first I was abit nervous or scared cus I have my own sins and I don't know if I am welcomed there. But I took it as an oppurtunity and an answer to a call to visit the holy land. I am glad I did. Allow me to share with you my experience cus somehow I feel that is my responsibility upon coming home. To share with others what I went through. What I saw and what I feel.

Our flight took off and about 730 in the evening. (I shall not use the 1900 anymore cus ord lor!!) We reached Jeddah at around.. I really don't know but it was very early, before subuh. At that point of time I lost track of date and time cus I slept throughout the journey plus the timezones. But the flight was around 6-7 hours. We took the bus to Madinah. It was another 5 hours bus ride. We reached our hotel, madinah hilton at around noon. It was a beautiful hotel. We checked in, rested and got ready for afternoon prayers at masjid al-nabawi or the prophet's mosque. It was just a 2-3 minutes walk. The mosque was so grand, so big and so beautiful. I had never seen such a place in my life. For those whose been there knows what I'm talking about. Masyallah. That is also the prophet's final resting place or his maqam and I felt so lucky to be able to pray and make doa in the raudah which I later learnt used to be his home. It was beautiful. I took pictures but I am not going to put it up on the net.

So for the next 2 days we stayed there and visited the places there, which has alot of historical meanings. I learnt quite a few things as well.

On day 3 I think, we made our way to mekkah. Another 6 hour bus ride. We reached there at 11pm to do our umrah. I can't describe the holy kaabah. I've always seen it on tv, on pictures but when it's there in my face the feeling is different. I wanted to cry cus I feel that I don't deserve to be here I have so many sins. But god is the most forgiving and I calm myself down with alot of istighfar. After completing my first umrah at about 2+am. I followed my ustaz to kiss the hajar aswad or the black stone. It's a sunnah but alot of people took it seriously and the stone is always and I mean 24hours other than praying time, people are fighting and crowding around it to kiss it. It's like a moshpit but way more intense cus people would push and some would cry and shout allahuakhbar! and it could be dangerous. At first I just wanted to see it. But slowly I was pushed in by the people there and before I know it I was kinda trapped in the crowd. The crowd's wave sort of pushed me to it and suddenly I reached my hand and I could touch it! I was so scared. There was this Indian guy who was kissing the stone for too long and people were pulling him back. Suddenly I found my way in and kissed it. I was speechless.

Mekkah was a beautiful town filled with so many islamic history as I learnt. I met and saw so many people there. Somehow it felt different but good. Imagine everywhere you go everyone you see is a muslim. There's nothing else in this world to compare to it. Nothing in this world can compare to praying in masjidil haram, see the kaabah circumblate around it, or just sit there and make doa. I have never been around the world but I've never felt like it. It's so hard to put in words. Anyway here are the pictures. I know they're kinda lousy cus they're from a camera phone. Too bad my sister never brought her camera.

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date: Saturday, June 2, 2007 time: 12:14 a.m.

O--R--D LORRRRRRRRRR!!!

Finally, after waiting for many many months it has come. None other than my ORD date. I finally got to see and hold and keep my pink IC this morning. I had been wanting to update but I think I had been too busy. Or tired. Clearance, De-kit, Clearing my bunk and all. And finally I got to walk out of the gates of my camp for the last time. In peace. Memorable. I wont forget that moment. Sweet. As I walk out of the camp all my 2 years of army flashed through my mind, and I thought, this is it. Ord lor. I sat on the bus with my IC in my hand. This'll be the last bus trip back home I thought. I started to feel scared, excited and kinda thrilled at the thought of civillian life again. No more booking in camp, no more duties, no more parades or stay in. It's just too good to be true. I smiled all the way. I just can't wait to see my gf.

Now I'm gonna put my army life behind. To start of my CV life, I will be off with my family to fulfil our umrah. I'll be flying off tomorrow afternoon. I hope to fulfill my umrah and come home safe. I wish to be a better person now that I am an NSMan. The real thoughts of RESPONSIBILITIES are right here staring at my face. Have to find job, have to start earning money, help out my parents, start a real concrete savings and not fool around too much. Scary isn't it. It sure is.

As I end this entry I want to seek forgiveness from everyone who is reading this who knows me. To my friends, I hope to see you guys again when I return. To yan, my brother and muzn.. good luck with your clearance and see you soon as ORDians. To the others who got 3 months or more.. where got time?!? hehe.. kiddin.. I've been wanting to say that. Oh well. Till then, take care all.
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date: Sunday, May 27, 2007 time: 01:34 a.m.

I was sick one day and the next day I am so ok. How amazing. I must have really rested. That's good. I guess I was having stomach flu, maybe a mild one cus I'm still feeling the tummy aches. Yeah tummy. Cus I forgot how to spell stomaccheh. That's what army do to you. It makes your brain rusty and all you can think about or talk about are army stories and talk in army terms. It may seem kinda cool at first but when you are ord-ing in a week's time you'd wanmna put it behind you and start thinking about building back your life. heheh

I met up with Is and Fauzie at orchard today. I should be thankful cus my gf put up with going to orchard on saturday with me after work just so I could meet my friends. She hates going to orchard when it's crowded. Gives her headdy aches and piss her off cus its crowded. Anyways it's been awhile and it's good to meet up with them again. Well I wanna go sleep now. Till then.
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date: Thursday, May 24, 2007 time: 11:38 a.m.

I am on off today. But it's kinda wasted cus I am so sick. Was down with a flu yesterday after imt. I just layed there in my bunk and dragged my ass out to book out of camp to go to a clinic. Maybe I think I got it from her. But I am feeling a little better today. I just need to drink more water.

Oh yea.. 7 more days to ord!
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date: Monday, May 21, 2007 time: 10:17 p.m.

After a long week and one of my longest weekend, Ex Creek was over and we were on our way back to camp. It was the longest day I've ever felt and I am so glad it's over. Oops can't talk too much about it. Cus they said it's one of saf's secret. Nothing much to tell about anyway. I just want to say that I will be getting back my pink IC next friday! Oh yes.. like finally. The moment I've been waiting for the past 2 years. I'll be celebrating with a gathering with my bmt mates. I hope everything will go well.

I've been applying for jobs here and there and hopefully I get a job with a decent pay as soon as possible.

Today's jamming session just rocks. It feels so good that I can't wait to play again. We have a new song so that makes 4. Cool.

My gf is sick today and I went with her to the polyclinic near our house and it was so packed. I couldn't take it anymore so I said why don't we just go to a family clinic. I saw this couple who were obviously not sick. Both probably just wanted mc cus the guy was from the polyclinic and after collecting his meds I saw tem again at the family clinic and this time it was the girl. Both of them walk happily away laughing and smiling. I was thinking if you wanna take fake mc also be considerate and not go in the mornings. What about the people who are really sick?
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