Fadingawa..y...

--- closing eyes --- Monday, November 25, 2002 -09:46 p.m.-- My eyes are tired, but I wanna write something... except I totally forget everything I wanted to say. ... hmm... still kinda of in a state of uncertainity. Still running around in circles like my usual self while trying to move forward. =P (I wonder if dressing up like Inuyasha would help. =P) Ah!!! I'm remembering! Tetsu Album!!! I stared at it in Kino, but... yes, there's a 'but I didn't buy it.' *gasps* The cover design just got to me... The king crown on Tetsu's head... ... ... I just don't what to say... it's amusing? (Excuse me, I've gotta look for it online... plus Heart album and some other stuff... And why did the first time I hear Hyde's "Angel's Tale" did I think he was singing "Angel's Death"?) And and and... I got two volumes of Hana To Yume and a volume of Lala! Finally~!!! *hearts* I didn't miss anything. *grin* Hmm... I need to stop getting Lala, but Hana To Yume... "SKIP BEAT"~~~~~ *hearts* I think I like because the main girl is just~ so~ not~ love-dubby and wants to kick some butts. Her evil demons have been let free to wreak havoc! MWHA HA~ "Arisu Gakuen(?)" is odd but interesting, waiting to see more. Was listening to: Hyde - Evergreen (non-stop) Wanna listen to: Lodoss OST

--- sickness --- Thursday, November 21, 2002 -09:34 p.m.-- I think I'm on the verge of catching something. And somehow, I think it would be kinda of a nice change of pace. Umm...? Anyways, I'm thinking of heading up to the Boston area early Dec, but not completely sure as I'm in the middle of an app that my dad somewhat chewed me out for not talking with him about earlier. Should have, and why do I keep making that same mistake? Ugh... this entry bites, but I don't feel like writing another one, so bleh =p <--- and that is way too happy for me right now. Oh... my bible study group is making a little video poking fun at music groups and their videos. I'll see if I can get a copy and share it with you guys later. (... I'm going to be one of the "Ketchup" singing girls? ... my dancing sucks... Still it should be fun.)

--- Grin! --- Tuesday, November 19, 2002 -09:57 p.m.-- I just got Emeralda to grow up! (I wonder if this is a spoiler or not... >.>;;; Blah, it's an extra. =P) There's some change in how she fights. I don't like how she gets ready for a battle, but she's kakkoii~ when the battle's over. (One of the classic standing in the wind poses. ^.^~) Heh, plus I didn't know that Vincent from FFVII would show up in Xenogears! Though it's him in his Turk days. =P I wonder if it's a spoiler to say exactly where, but since I started, I might as go on. When you finally get freedom on the 2nd disc and find this place in Zeboim, there's a little movie. To the left on the lower level of the plaza, in front of the big shiny tree is a suited man looking straight ahead with black hair just like Vincent. ^o^~ Another of my random thoughts. What does it mean if you've been toting around a little, light blue elephant all day? I don't think this elephant and I have parted for more than an hour today... It... no, she's staring at me, right now. >.>;;;;

--- light blue elephant sitting on my head --- Tuesday, November 19, 2002 -11:15 a.m.-- Yup, there's one drooping on my head. =P Nothing really new. Waiting for mattress. (Oh, happiness!!! ^.^~) Waiting for appointed time to call CWS. Just lots of waiting. =P For those not interested in video games, the rest of the entry is skipable. =P I'm close to the end of Xenogears. Just trying to get some extra items before storming the last stronghold. Going 'sadness, sadness' since it seems there are no more deathblows to learn, though can take down a Gear-sized enemy if I don't die out first. =P Trying to get Emeralda to grow up, but we'll see if I can get that extra or not.

--- explanation --- Monday, November 18, 2002 -01:33 p.m.-- Frustration over the prereqs for pharmacy school and wondering if it's really the right thing for me to do and which way to go. I wonder how much planning I do anyways. =P Frustration over tutoring. It was fine, but I'm getting a bit tired of it now. And new students have joined -- change is good, but not if it isn't for the better? The dynamics of the classroom have changed and I don't know if for the better... >.>;;; And is there any other way to explain how to do absolute value equations? *sigh* Right now, I'm trying to stop procrastinating and call the CWS, which I should have done way way earlier. And frustration at my own preconceptions, misguided reactions & assumptions, and lack of bravery. I reacted poorly on finding out where someone worked (not even touching on other events) and it's something I'm still kicking myself over and I need to apologize, but how to say sorry without sounding pitying or overly... damn, can't find the word. Anyways, I think I need to change the layout of this soon. And I just volunteered myself for updating my church's webpage... I just hope that I'm not digging myself too big of a hole. *sigh* I leave before I get any more self-pitying or just disgustingly... uh... okay, just stop now, silly goose of a person trying to outdo herself with words and wonders about writing a ghost story except that she'd freak herself out, so gave up on that idea. =P

--- *wordless scream of frustration!!!!!!!* --- Friday, November 15, 2002 -03:36 p.m.-- Just shoot me please.

--- random thoughts that just hit you --- Friday, November 15, 2002 -12:42 p.m.-- I wonder what others would think of the conversion Sun and I were having last week with our morbid curiosity. Though please, Sun, no more ghost stories. ;_; Is it more scary to make threats smiling or not smiling? Hmm... If I got the smile just right, then I suppose smiling would be more scary. Because it would mean that I was really looking forward to carrying out that threat. But I think I'd probably not smile when making 'real' threats.

--- what do you on your anti-social day? --- Friday, November 15, 2002 -12:38 p.m.-- Cocoon thyself in the blanket. Sit on the floor. And play video games all day long into the wee hours of morning. Then suffer the next day because of too much radiation from the tv.

--- bouncy happiness --- Friday, November 8, 2002 -04:02 p.m.-- I~ finally~ got~ a~ copy~ of~ my~ own~!!! Xenogears~, of~ course~!!! *hearts* All brand new and shiny that it stayed close at hand all day yesterday. ... suddenly tempted to bit something... mmmm... pizza will... mmmm...

--- On the upside... --- Thursday, November 7, 2002 -12:26 p.m.-- I'm like 60 hours into the game Xenogears and I still haven't gotten onto the second disc. The floating city, Shevat, is pretty cool and makes me think of Laputa. (Was there any influence?) I can't help but think as I play that this is an awesome game and the graphics must have been flabberglasting when it first came out. The story is so complex and convoulted that I'm going '... huh? ...', but it gives me a desire to write to something that complex except I think I'll save it for a project much much later. And I think I'm pretty decided to going to grad school for pharmacy... 1. Don't wanna stay with computers - it's my hobby, not job 2. Grad = writing would be cool, but not right for me... 3. It doesn't have to be something I like, just not something I despise 4. I like chemistry 5. The market is either down or so-so (Hey! I'm clueless, remember?) 6. I think I'll keep this reason to myself, which makes me wonder why I write this at all, except for the reason of being mysterious =P Meanwhile... I've got to get some more manga reviews up. There's at least three I want to write up on. Then there's the Kagerou Nostalgia translations to work on... The FF7 and Weiss Kruez fanfics to edit and decide if I want to post or not... *sigh* Why do I bother writing on this blog? Oh... posting to the WA-gumi list, if you know what it is, then you probably belong on it. It's coming a bit alive. 4 people alive. jyaa mata nee.

--- Should I be afraid? --- Thursday, November 7, 2002 -11:59 a.m.-- A few nights ago, I dreamt that I shot a person... Me and my partner ended up in this huge greenhouse, kinda of a tropical setting though the air wasn't that humid. There was an enemy encounter. The enemy guy ended up falling into a wheelbarrow. As we turned to leave, I turned back around and shot the guy in the heart. My partner said something along the lines about that not being right, that I didn't have to give the pretense of not shooting the guy and then shoot him anyways, and that I was turning out to become just as bad as the enemy. I don't think I bothered replying because the enemy was still up and alive. I shot him three different times through the head, but he was still alive. I couldn't just leave the guy like that. So, I finally walked up to him and shoved the gun under his chin, but my partner pulled me away before I could finish him off. I don't understand why it didn't bother me that the guy just wouldn't die and that I had to keep trying. (Though I think the heart wasn't where I shot him, it's a little more to the right and down I think.) Or the fact that I shot the guy when he wasn't even trying to do anything to us. Maybe because I knew it was dream. Maybe I read too much Anita Blake. Maybe because I want to learn how to shoot a gun and told my mom so, which made her tell me that I'm scary. Maybe my brain has become a pile of mush.