Enough the crap about gaming and all, to make thing short, it's not only about why I had such game in my dream, but mostly about why the character there were mostly the people I know? That's the question.
But the reason why I called it strange is because I cried in my dream, I was crying very hard when I have to kill a friend of mine in order to release him from the pain. The tears were relished when I killed the traitor in the next floor. Yeah!! But that's what I couldn't understand, why I'm crying? why it's him? Why it always felt so real when coming to the emotion I posses?
Another thing I realized is that I'm the aggressive commando type person, I choose to be in the frontline of the battlefield and started the fight by attacking first, but before that I put the medical and support team behind the line to make their jobs easier. Now I see why I prefer to be an Assassin, aside that they're always so cool, they're the attacking type.
I've got the raw of my novel script, that quite relieved me, I don't have to put more efforts on pulling myself to write the story.
Something coming over me....
It's Monday, May 8th 2006
And My Paper Heart - The All American Rejects flows as the wind blows
Perhaps the correct song for today is Frente's Bizzare Love Triangle, but I prefer to put this one.
Start from the very first part. I don't know why but even if I said I couldn't like him as much as before, I still think about him. Though I have to admit that now our relationship is getting weird, I couldn't talk easily like before, we're only matched when there's someone else, when we're alone, we suddenly became silent and speechless.
I never like someone before, I mean not this much, and that fact made me feel harder to forget him. I realized it from a while ago that I've never felt anything to anyone else before. He's the first person that I like, I couldn't call it as love though, that's too risky, sides I don't believe in a thing called love.
Start from the very first part. I don't know why but even if I said I couldn't like him as much as before, I still think about him. Though I have to admit that now our relationship is getting weird, I couldn't talk easily like before, we're only matched when there's someone else, when we're alone, we suddenly became silent and speechless.
I never like someone before, I mean not this much, and that fact made me feel harder to forget him. I realized it from a while ago that I've never felt anything to anyone else before. He's the first person that I like, I couldn't call it as love though, that's too risky, sides I don't believe in a thing called love.
Something coming over me....
It's Saturday, May 6th 2006
And Less Afraid - Sajama Cut flows as the wind blows
I'm trying to get my writing mood back but somehow I keep failing. I've got a task to analyze the extrinsic value of a play. Now, as usual I get confused. I have Much Ado About Nothing, A Woman of No Importance, and The Merchant of Venice. Now which one should I choose? Or perhaps I'll take The Doll's house, anyway, since the latter was included in the course, I think most of my friends will take that play.
In Much Ado About Nothing, I'll take the contradictory character Beatrice, she's so ambiguous. At first she became a feminist but then as the story goes she turned out to be the stereotipical woman. Then on The Merchant of Venice, I took the racism and social conflict in this case is the law that stated in the play. Last on the A Woman of No Importance, I used three kinds of approach, feminism, biographical, and psychoanalytical.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but is it true that Oscar Wilde is a homosexual???
In Much Ado About Nothing, I'll take the contradictory character Beatrice, she's so ambiguous. At first she became a feminist but then as the story goes she turned out to be the stereotipical woman. Then on The Merchant of Venice, I took the racism and social conflict in this case is the law that stated in the play. Last on the A Woman of No Importance, I used three kinds of approach, feminism, biographical, and psychoanalytical.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but is it true that Oscar Wilde is a homosexual???
Something coming over me....
It's Tuesday, May 2nd 2006
And Loving You - Minnie Riperton flows as the wind blows
Yesterday was Mayday and there were several strike around the nation. I didn't give much attention anyway, it wasn't because they're none of my problem, but because I have something else in my mind.
I'm still trying to fix or at least recover my site here and there... including searching for the images as I've planned. Obviously not the entries, I also still searching my novel project and specially the mood for writing. I don't know why but I can't write anything. I open the file but I left it just like that, without any addition or something else. I was still totally a mess.
Talking about mess, my relationship with him is becoming a great mess now. I couldn't like him as much as before after he called me 'boy'. It's not about being degraded or doubted, I just finally see that he can't accept me just the way I am. That's the point! He can't see through me, not as I've expected. Well, we're still friends but it's rather awkward now, especially after I kept repeating his words that 'I'm a boy' to him.
Even so, I still remember his likes and dislikes, he's still my precious friend anyway. The only one I can talk about animanga and tokusatsu at Campus.
I'm still trying to fix or at least recover my site here and there... including searching for the images as I've planned. Obviously not the entries, I also still searching my novel project and specially the mood for writing. I don't know why but I can't write anything. I open the file but I left it just like that, without any addition or something else. I was still totally a mess.
Talking about mess, my relationship with him is becoming a great mess now. I couldn't like him as much as before after he called me 'boy'. It's not about being degraded or doubted, I just finally see that he can't accept me just the way I am. That's the point! He can't see through me, not as I've expected. Well, we're still friends but it's rather awkward now, especially after I kept repeating his words that 'I'm a boy' to him.
Even so, I still remember his likes and dislikes, he's still my precious friend anyway. The only one I can talk about animanga and tokusatsu at Campus.
Something coming over me....
It's Thursday, May 27th 2006
And Caress of Venus - L'arc~en~Ciel flows as the wind blows
K, what would you do and/or feel when the one that you like doubting your gender? I've just felt that just now. Actually, this noon to be exact.
He said that 'You're a boy...!!!' hello!!! I'm still a normal girl, I can be turned on by watching cute boys. So, I told him that I'm still choosing the left side of the bathroom, I'm still have some powder left and I even wore mascara! Okay, that might be too much but I'm still trying to show him that I'm still a girl! That was a disaster, actually which one is wrong? His mind or mine?
I always think that girls, despite on her appearance still a girl deep down inside, and that goes the same for boys -that's why I see psychadelic and homosexual relationship more focused on their relationship and not their sexes-. While he, thought that girl should be acting more like a girl! What a trash!
I even feeling kind of regret that I've just praising his new single.... >_<
He said that 'You're a boy...!!!' hello!!! I'm still a normal girl, I can be turned on by watching cute boys. So, I told him that I'm still choosing the left side of the bathroom, I'm still have some powder left and I even wore mascara! Okay, that might be too much but I'm still trying to show him that I'm still a girl! That was a disaster, actually which one is wrong? His mind or mine?
I always think that girls, despite on her appearance still a girl deep down inside, and that goes the same for boys -that's why I see psychadelic and homosexual relationship more focused on their relationship and not their sexes-. While he, thought that girl should be acting more like a girl! What a trash!
I even feeling kind of regret that I've just praising his new single.... >_<
Something coming over me....
It's Wednesday, 26th April 2006
And Don't Look Back in Anger - Oasis flows as the wind blows
I've just finished microteaching this morning and that was a great relief for me. For the whole month I couldn't eat and sleep easily because of this matter. It was very unpleasant for me, and I think that goes for some of my friends too. I have to wear skirt and that quite a pain for me, the first reason was because I'm a tomboy, the other is because I just can't match myself with the word 'feminine'.
I guess there's something wrong with my DVD-ROM, it couldn't read the CD Yaza gave me. Well, I asked him to copy Naruto and Death Note that we've downloaded together into that CD since I've lost my data. I have to keep trying then...
Yesterday, the only song I had in mind was Wonderwall, and now I stuck with Don't Look back in Anger. Pretty amusing, huh?
I'm trying to recover my site, I've really in a total mess, my picture won't show up and I've lost my data. Therefore, I changed my project for a while and using simple colors and less graphic images.
I guess there's something wrong with my DVD-ROM, it couldn't read the CD Yaza gave me. Well, I asked him to copy Naruto and Death Note that we've downloaded together into that CD since I've lost my data. I have to keep trying then...
Yesterday, the only song I had in mind was Wonderwall, and now I stuck with Don't Look back in Anger. Pretty amusing, huh?
I'm trying to recover my site, I've really in a total mess, my picture won't show up and I've lost my data. Therefore, I changed my project for a while and using simple colors and less graphic images.
Something coming over me....
It's
And In Your Mind - Anggun flows as the wind blows
Phew, I don't know what to say or how to express this one. Well, what would you say or do when you've got something on your mind but you're not sure on how and why it can be?
K, around two weeks ago on the beginning of this month I've got such a shock. Well, something bad and also good happened to me. The point is that the strange urge has finished last week, that person has got a new victim and thankfully not experienced the same thing as I was. I sent a message to Dawney and saying 'the psycho game has over, not game over but finished... It's such a relief...'
I've just realized today that I used around 85% of my mind to feel relief and 5% to feel sorry that my chance to meet that psycho guy has lowered, the other went easy...
Anyway... it's concluded, my relationship with 'him' will be better if we stay this way. I mean, we're not bond into a serious relationship (read: lover) but we just passed it easily, we're matched when we're matched, we're on different edges when we were that way. I can continue what he want to say, I know what he wants, we can speak with the strangest body language, minus any useless words and sentences, we can do it all! And I think that's much better than if we became lover but we felt burdened with what people said. Sometimes, people are just too demanding, right?
Talking about people's demand, I've had a talk with my friends this morning about a group that attacked the head office of Playboy Indonesia, they're not just wanted to meet the editors, but in the end they're throwing stones and doing anarchy on the office. That's such a shame! For the first time, I feel ashamed as a Moslem.
Honestly, it wasn't the first time actually, since the JI made their sporadic attack on various places, especially after the Bali Blast a few years back, I was feeling more than ashamed. Another strangest thing is this. Okay, I'm wearing a veil, and I admit it blandly that I wear it to suppress my evil aura. For God's sake, I smoke sometimes though I'm wearing the veil, -smoking isn't a sin though...- but I know where my limitation is. I didn't do any adultery, I even avoid kisses! (that one mostly because of my phobia...) But there are people, girls, who was wearing veils but they do adultery, they're wearing veils but they let their body shown up. They may cover it, but if you're wearing a very tight clothes that make your underwear visible, do you consider it as covering? There are various confrontation about the rules on Porn-graphic and Porn-action. In my own opinion, no matter what clothes you wear, if you're not intended to arouse or you know exactly that it won't be an arousal, it can't be considered as Porn-graphic or Porn-action. Just like the title of Anggun's song, In your mind. There are some people who were aroused when they see a girl who covered completely, and despite that she wore loose shirt and clothes, it's all on people's mind. Some may say she's not arousing, the other say otherwise. I can say so, because one of my friend likes to see a pregnant woman and thought them as sexy. What a strange guy.
There are so many people who still don't know what they're doing, including those who join with the strike.
K, around two weeks ago on the beginning of this month I've got such a shock. Well, something bad and also good happened to me. The point is that the strange urge has finished last week, that person has got a new victim and thankfully not experienced the same thing as I was. I sent a message to Dawney and saying 'the psycho game has over, not game over but finished... It's such a relief...'
I've just realized today that I used around 85% of my mind to feel relief and 5% to feel sorry that my chance to meet that psycho guy has lowered, the other went easy...
Anyway... it's concluded, my relationship with 'him' will be better if we stay this way. I mean, we're not bond into a serious relationship (read: lover) but we just passed it easily, we're matched when we're matched, we're on different edges when we were that way. I can continue what he want to say, I know what he wants, we can speak with the strangest body language, minus any useless words and sentences, we can do it all! And I think that's much better than if we became lover but we felt burdened with what people said. Sometimes, people are just too demanding, right?
Talking about people's demand, I've had a talk with my friends this morning about a group that attacked the head office of Playboy Indonesia, they're not just wanted to meet the editors, but in the end they're throwing stones and doing anarchy on the office. That's such a shame! For the first time, I feel ashamed as a Moslem.
Honestly, it wasn't the first time actually, since the JI made their sporadic attack on various places, especially after the Bali Blast a few years back, I was feeling more than ashamed. Another strangest thing is this. Okay, I'm wearing a veil, and I admit it blandly that I wear it to suppress my evil aura. For God's sake, I smoke sometimes though I'm wearing the veil, -smoking isn't a sin though...- but I know where my limitation is. I didn't do any adultery, I even avoid kisses! (that one mostly because of my phobia...) But there are people, girls, who was wearing veils but they do adultery, they're wearing veils but they let their body shown up. They may cover it, but if you're wearing a very tight clothes that make your underwear visible, do you consider it as covering? There are various confrontation about the rules on Porn-graphic and Porn-action. In my own opinion, no matter what clothes you wear, if you're not intended to arouse or you know exactly that it won't be an arousal, it can't be considered as Porn-graphic or Porn-action. Just like the title of Anggun's song, In your mind. There are some people who were aroused when they see a girl who covered completely, and despite that she wore loose shirt and clothes, it's all on people's mind. Some may say she's not arousing, the other say otherwise. I can say so, because one of my friend likes to see a pregnant woman and thought them as sexy. What a strange guy.
There are so many people who still don't know what they're doing, including those who join with the strike.
Something coming over me....
It's Thursday, April 13th 2006
And Brilliant Years - L'arc~en~Ciel flows as the wind blows
Well, a bad thing happened in the worst way for me. My computer once again broke down and I have to reinstall the whole system. K, the good news is that my back up data still available, but not with the other 'robbery' I've been through with my pals. Yeah, yeah... We've been through many things. That reminds me to call my friends and asked them the installer CD/drivers and other data I need.
I've lost some and gain some and confuse by some... Pretty amazing, huh?
At the very least, my music data was still available so I don't have to go many hardship once again. It was quite pain in the neck when I tried to gather all the data I have at this moment...
I haven't meet him for two days, and somehow I got stuck with this song by the line 'I want to see you...' yeah yeah yeah...
Though I was listening to Natsu no Yuutsu at this moment, I still couldn't get the line 'I want to see you...' out of my mind. *sigh*. I've lost many entries, but that's rather relieved me at some point, since I don't have to scrutinize my -previous- foolishness.
Today, there was a mid-test and it's all theoritical. Very, totally, and absolutely annoying. Well, the fact that I hardly came to the class wasn't put me at any disadvantage. I mean, I already learnt about it... still, I'm not sure about my mark...
I've lost some and gain some and confuse by some... Pretty amazing, huh?
At the very least, my music data was still available so I don't have to go many hardship once again. It was quite pain in the neck when I tried to gather all the data I have at this moment...
I haven't meet him for two days, and somehow I got stuck with this song by the line 'I want to see you...' yeah yeah yeah...
Though I was listening to Natsu no Yuutsu at this moment, I still couldn't get the line 'I want to see you...' out of my mind. *sigh*. I've lost many entries, but that's rather relieved me at some point, since I don't have to scrutinize my -previous- foolishness.
Today, there was a mid-test and it's all theoritical. Very, totally, and absolutely annoying. Well, the fact that I hardly came to the class wasn't put me at any disadvantage. I mean, I already learnt about it... still, I'm not sure about my mark...
Something coming over me....