of Bjorn of the Porn

Powered by Pitas and Go Translator.

Parents alarmed by strip tease in a bowling alley
And I thought COSMIC bowling was wild. "Tens of parents communicated yesterday with the area of Urban Control of the Municipality to have precise details of which it had happened in Route Codfish Sunday to the dawn." Tens of parents. TENS. Is that even a word in English? Well I mean I guess people say tens of thousands or tens of millions, but has anybody ever actually said there were just TENS of anything?

The German sticker defies all the Berlin police forces
<<IN Germany, one calls it the quadruple killer of Remagen. Its photograph is posted in all the police stations and the streets of the German cities. It names Dieter Zurwehme, it is 57 years old, the hair grisonnants, the a little dismantled face, the broad face and the mouth charnue.>> This sounds like the most bad-ass sticker I've ever heard of. Look out, Lisa Frank!

A thick dog
<<Addressed on the quality of its music, Dieter maintained planks once, if one sounds oneself the compositions of its competitor Prince more exactly, then sounds after nothing; if one hears against it " bread ago Louie ", then sounds like Mozart.> ;> Hmm, sounds like plain old shit to me.

The insanity fat booty
Just an op-ed piece about how Germans can't comprehend "The Gigantomanie of the payment of damages in America." But can you beat that headline?? No, you cannot.

The black is to them well
Leave it to the Germans to give a good review to Will Smith's new movie Game Game--er, Wild Wild West. The critic refers to Smith and his co-star, Kenneth Branaugh as "Two Dandys with demtraumwandlerischen charm of Buster Keaton." That may very well be the first and last time either of those two second-rate actors will ever be compared to Buster Keaton. And few things are as weird or surreal as an interview with Will Smith translated into German and back.

The beer becomes more expensive
"The Octoberfest offers new roundabouts in this year more more Oekoschmankerln and. The measure beer is to cost more than in approximately 3.5 per cent the previous year, as meeting chief explained Gabriele Weishaeupl." Oh well, at least they found out ch ocolate's good for you [see below].

I, reporter under the walls to them
A brand new short story by Umberto "Echo" Eco, author of The Name of the Rose, Foucault's Pendulum and dozens of other mind-blowing books! What are you waiting for? It's "July of the 1099 is the 14" and "A TV newscaster has lain in wait for under walls them of the Saint City." And remember, you found it here first. C'mon, just read it already!

I want coffee
A confusing rant about "white coffee" and monkey sex. I have no idea what the point of it is. It has some great factoids in it, though, such as: "also they have found out that the macacas avoid the incesto and that of 363 copulaciones only observed five o f them were between mother and son." Only five? Not bad!

America on linens: the heart in the net
This is probably the best article ever written about both the allure and evil of America on linens--er, America Online. The author, Egle Santoni, describes it as a world of <<comedians who put you sadness. Tredicenni sedicenti editori. Girls sun who want sex, but only virtual. Relations that escape you of hand, invading friends that they bomb you of " message-lightning bolt ". Why to pay six dollars to the hour in order to suffer? Why to impelagarsi in relationships from psicoanalista?>&g t; If that isn't poetic, I don't know what is. Six dollars to the hour, though? This Santolini guy's really getting ripped-off, even by AOL standards.

where how I discovered that the English hate us
"BIEN sure, the English hate the French, besides some exceptions, the amateurs of good wines and the writers who settle in Luberon. But the English hate everyone," says some guy named Zorino in part eight of an ELEVEN PART SERIES. Can't we all just g et along? I especially love how they make an analogy to Tintin in like the first paragraph.

Kidney beans
"To the girls of now, it said, they have condemned them to have great teats and narrow hips; long legs, clear clear eyes that they pretend depth of cautious and cerebral thickness." Yeah, sucks to be them. Huh?? Héctor Corner's just jealous & #039;cause he can't get any of that action. I mean LOOK at the guy! He makes Cornelius from Planet of the Apes look like, uh, Ed Norton or something. And I think Dave Foley said it best one tim e when he was on Conan: "I just want the young girls of America to know that it's OK to be anorexic." I'm not saying I agree with that or anything, though, because then everyone would hate me.

El Neuvo Vicio de los Hombres
"Two are the essential items that any man, at the moment, must consider in his currículum: to know how to cook and to know of wines." Maybe in Chile, but in America we have a little something called WOMEN to cook for us. Only kidding. <<" the idea to prov e the harmonies between wines and food is very interesting. The appetite is opened to you to try new combinations ", counts Eladio.>> Oh yeah, VERY interesting, Eladio, I bet NOBODY's ever thought of THAT before. But anyway, Chilean men are still cha uvenist pigs too: "great chefs always has been men - Pablo Bunster- says."

Chocolate (almost) healthy
It is truly a day of celebration for the people of Germany because "Joe the Vinson of the University OF Scranton in Pennsylvania" and some other scientists working in a lab near Disneyland have announced that "The sweet bloom does not taste good only, but is much healthier than so far assumed" because it has a lot of "Polyphenolverbindungen" and "Antioxidantien" in it. The sweet bloom of course being chocolate, the only thing Germans like more than warm beer and fatty sausages.

100 million dollar for the nothing doing
This will soon be the story of my life, I hope. Uh, some German bank's "auswurf was fuerstlich versuesst by the large partner German bank." Whatever that means.

good use of the spare time
French people are very lazy so their politicians are trying hard to reduce the standard work week to 35 hours. <<It would even make it possible to give again " why not, the direction of the festival which we miss so much in our country ", had underl ined the minister at the time of a conference organized in May by the Greens, while Alain Lipietz asserted " the absolute right nothing to make whole ".>> Yeah whatever, Frenchies.

three hundred girls in the scandal the video sexy
Apparently there's this incredibly huge scandal in Italy revolving around this guy named Smaltini Pine who "in ten years has undressed and photographed approximately three hundred women." Oh, and apparently some of those "women" were twelve, thirteen and fourteen years of age, and from well-known Italian families no less. <<" All were consenzienti ", specify the culprit.>> Yeah Smaltini, and your point is...?

" personal Nozzle " for the Pope
Your guess is as good as mine on this one.

Venere 2000
"Large eyes? Abundant breast? Carnosa mouth? Tight flanks? Long legs? Sure. But nononly." I really think I need to refer to girls' "tight flanks" way more often in my everyday speech. And "carnosa mouth" too. But anyway, the artic le (by a certain "Daisy Forehead") starts off like an anthropological view of Playboy Magazine but somehow ends up explaining that "The women love the men whom they know to make them to laugh, because who makes to laugh in kind speaks for metaphors." Whic h is now my new motto, as of this moment.

Six mammone or emancipato?
Take this picture quiz to find out if you are an Italian mama's boy. I apparently have "Mandrake Tendency" and they told me "Your mother has made a good job." She will be so proud to hear someone finally said so. Oh, and boy is that Omnitel girl hot! Giul io Escarpments definitely deserves her over Raoul Bova. Guilio Escarpments looks exactly like me actually!

We are all Forrest Gump
Prada's new men's line is clothing for "The Forrest Gump of the third millenium" and "therefore the jackets are waterproof to you, technological, some remember the dumb ones of the sub." Well, I have no idea what "the sub" is, but the other nigh t my girlfriend and I were at a local cafe drinking imported beer outside and this really good looking guy there (even I couldn't deny it) had an amazingly good looking Prada windbreaker on and one of his friends asked him where he got it and he said he found it at a second-hand store for FIFTEEN DOLLARS. you can't get much luckier than that. The scariest revelation of this article is that Valentino is now promoting HOT PANTS FOR MEN!

Revolution Bisex
"In the USA it is the game of summer ' 99." The author of this article somehow manages to group Abraham Lincoln with Courtney Love (who is pictured on the current issue's hideous cove r) and Madonna in the opening paragraph. Abraham Lincoln was my biggest hero as a kid, I even dressed up as him for Halloween once (or was it President's Day?) and I really don't think he would've gotten along well with them. Basica lly the point of the article is that bisexuality is the future of civilization so we might as well all start fucking both men and women as soon as possible.