If the Pope wants to see the devil
The Pope gives a thumbs-up to Life is Beautiful. Maybe he should be the new Siskel. The Pope & Ebert, now THAT would be a show. This article also lists other titles in His Holiness's personal video collection, including the silent Dracula classic Nosferatu. They should really start putting "Reccomended by the Pope" stickers on rental tapes. Oh, and Roberto Benigni "broke out into his liberating laughter". Not that he ever needs an excuse to do that.
Buy fruits at cost price
Tomorrow, in "the Communists valley-of-marnais" in France, "For 25 F, you will be able to get small cages of 4 kilos fishings or nectarines." Time to cash in a sick day and 50,000 frequent flyer miles and fly to France!
Puppet does not want Diesel locos
No, of course Puppet doesn't. Puppet wants FANCY locos. Well maybe Puppet isn't going to get every little loco Puppet wants from now on. What does Puppet think about THAT?
Parisian theatres of yesterday and today
"Did YOU KNOW that, under the reign of Henri IV, Paris counted against one theatre fifty in Madrid, that the house of Molière was located at the current site of the pyramid of the Louvre or that the theatre of Gaîté bore its name well badly since it was the temple of the melodrama?" Do I care? No. Does anyone care about Parisian "theatres"? No.
Funny of re-entry for the Blue ones
"It is capital that we find our values and that we re-engage the dynamics of success. For that, it there not of secrecy: it is necessary to be called in question." That's funny alright!
Alarm in the USA: bears and crocodiles besiege the cities
Everybody run for your lives as "the siccità pushes bears, lupi, coyote, stambecchi, red deers and other animals wild to us towards the suburbs of the metropoli Americans." This is not a drill! If the lupi don't kill you the stambecchi will!
To calm to Chávez?
It's never too calm to Chávez! "Colonel Hugo Chávez, flaming president of Venezuela" is a lot like Hitler. Or something. And did I mention he's flaming?
The stars are well of this world
I haven't seen the movie Notting Hill, but maybe I would have if it had been released in America under its French title: "Thunderbolt in Notting Hill". Although I probably would just have been that much more disappointed when it failed to live up to such an exciting name.
sleep changing is the largest danger
A really boring German interview (is there any other kind?) with Howard "Rhein gold" (a self-made cyber-pundit who recently appeared alongside Justin Hall in the documentary Home Page) about "this bad feeling with the turn of the century" among other vague non-topics.
Bank assault with music
In Nairobi, six bankrobbers sang "pious songs" to their "verdutzten hostages gutgelaunt" and, before they left, invited them to a party. They sound even nicer than George Clooney in that Out of Sight movie.
English made in the USA threatens the language of Albion
"The English fear for their language." THEIR language? "Too many new formulas, of neologisms made in the USA infected English." INFECTED? "It is the youth, of course, which is most vulnerable to the epidemic." EPIDEMIC? "At fifteen years, in the suburbs of London, one does not say any more I amndt not (I am not), but I ain' T. Because the American actors and singers adopted the ellipse, and that it is cool of speaking like them." Uh, sorry, I don't think anyone in America says "ain't" anymore. "Moreover the American accent, as contagious as the influenza," (?!) "is propagated in the darkness of the movie theaters, from London in Manchester, and the British singers enjoy to imitate it. Thus T change into D, better (better, better) deciding bedder..." Nevermind that British people can't pronounce their Rs. I guess British Imperialism never dies, it just becomes more and more pathetic.
Dumping with the doctor
Call me old-fashioned, but I believe still some things should only be done alone. I'm sensing a German scatological theme developing here. Wasn't there something on South Park the other night about Cartman's mom being in kinky German porn movies?
The century of modernity
Starting a week from Friday, Umberto Eco is releasing one new CD-ROM a week for twelve weeks of his first-ever multimedia project: an overwhelmingly vast exploration of the 1500s, his all-time favorite time period. I think I may just have to learn Italian now.
Brigitte, Catherine, jane and the others
No one is the man compared to Roger Vadim. He got to have sex with Brigitte Bardot and Catherine Deneuve on a regular basis in the 1950s and '60s. You just can't score any better than that. So why is Roger's name known so much less than, say, Wilt Chamberlin? Personally, I'd rather have made it with even just one busty French New Wave starlet in her prime over all the hundreds of cheap sports-sluts Ol' Wilty's allegedly slam-dunked.
Scheila plans actress career
A Brazilian singer named Scheila of the band "the Tchan" wants to go into acting. And good for her. But why must this article keep substituting the words "colored person" in place of her name? At the bottom of the page there's a link to an article about "the Project Negritude Family". If I was Scheila, I'd be giving some serious negritude to the racist journalists of Brazil.
The Skatbruder is not the desire opponent
Have skateboarding competitions become a common way for politicians to resolve disputes in Germany? «Again he speaks about Klimmt, to which he has " a very good bond of trust ". The two meet each year to a weihnachtlichen Skat tournament in the private house of Klaus toepfer. Who wins, a Weihnachtsgans gets. " I am mostly that."» Which, I guess, is about as close as Germans get to being ALL that.
It freezes, apprentices killer to 11 years
«Children of eleven and twelve years he pulls to you on in order making some pitiless killer of the Mafia. the young he trains you to the use of the crews in authentic " schools of the crime ".» This would be a really interesting storyline for a new Disney movie. They could call it "Preteenfellas" or something.
A Doberman pinscher keeps the bumping cars
"A child, who takes a lollipop with the self-service store, is the first victim of the animal. Then it is with the turn of the mayor, Daniel Anthirens, «to be gripped »by the animal." Alright, who is next in line for the delightful Get Bitten By the Scary French Dog ride?
The solitary summer of the old people
Reading stories about sad old people always makes me laugh. Especially when said people are European. Is that so wrong?
Who killed a Jaime Garzón?
Colombia's equivalent of Dave Barry was murdered last week "by two sicarios in moto." He "was perhaps the only case in authentic Colombia of the farcical one." The ONLY case? I pity the audiences of Colombian comedy clubs. And it looks like Jaime thought blackface was a real laff riot. Who Killed Harlowe Thromby was the best Choose Your Own Adventure book, I always thought. It had the most endings anyway.
The brother becomes bald
"' Granobles', the brother of the ' Jojoy' Monkey,
problem of the CRAF became the man." OK, what? «Lsexpert you in monitorear the radio-telephone frequencies of the guerrilla were surprised the last week when they listened Jorge Suárez Brice6no, alias ' Jojoy' Monkey and military leader of the CRAF, rega6nando to their brother Germán, better well-known like ' Granobles'. " we cannot continue committing those errors and sucking rooster "». OK, WHAT??
I am not nevertheless bloed
In "Frankfurten" and other parts of Germany, it's "golden times for king customer." Fuck, I just spent the ENTIRE DAY riding back EIGHT HOURS from Maine, alone with two middle-aged German women and an anorexic German 15 year-old, none of whom spoke more than five words of English the entire trip and didn't even bother to stop for dinner before they dropped me off at my apartment at 11pm. FUCK THEM! FUUUUUUUUCKKKKK THEEEEEEEEEMMMMM!!! OK, I realize that didn't really have anything to do with this article but FUCK.
Rabiate Zyniker
"Oh my god, they killed Kenny. You of hybrid!" The "youth-endangering trick film series" South Park invades German television on September 5 whether they're ready for it or not. And get this: it's going to be DUBBED IN GERMAN. Wow. My favorite character description in this article was of «Cartman, which the boys " Fatass " (fat ass) call, because of its predominance.» Oh, and this was an especially weird part: "The series lives besides on the appearances of famous guest speakers: Thus woman Mrs. George Clooney borrowed its voice to the gay dog Sparky." Do Germans know something the rest of us don't about George Clooney? I normally hate him but I really liked him in that Out of Sight movie.
