10 000 defective glasses
People in Europe are really excited about this big eclipse that's going to be visible there on August 11 but the "general secretariat" of the town of Compiegne made a big mistake in distributing defective cardboard viewing glasses: "Indeed, those would present a defect to the level of the solidity of the filters which would be likely to be detached and to cause serious ocular lesions." Hopefully the people of Compiegne are well-informed or otherwise the world may have 10,000 more blind French people come Wednesday. God help us all.
A smoking Schlumpfine with the farm work
But is this Schlumpfine male or female? "The Schlumpf is female here, as one sees at the sock-similar strip over the heart area." In America we call that a bra. From the derrogatory tone of the rest of this article I guess Germany is really anti-Schlumpfine.
Sex Festival of the special type
In Helsinki, Finland, <<the three-day-long meeting under the slogan " Lake Lovemaking " ("love make at the lake ") is meant from the responsible town councillor as contribution for the UN year of the older ones.>> Ha ha ha, UN year of the older ones, that's great. Here you go, older ones, try to make some love now by this lake.
Waked up in the night from tens of bats
"Night of terror for a German boy of 22 years, waked up of soprassalto in house its from strepitio of one the some thirty of bats." Again with the tens! And isn't it odd how this Italian reporter calls him a German "boy" when he's 22? Especially compared to how American media tends to refer to 16 year-old males as "men" and 12 year-old females as "women", even when it's in an article about a criminal who can't be tried as an adult. Then how can they be men or women??
Australia, killed from the police the authentic " crocodile Dundee "
I didn't even know there WAS an "authentic" Crocodile Dundee. <<Rod Ansell, 44 years, the hero of the free and primitiva nature of the " northern Territories " of Australia is died from assassin: killed to a traffic control post of the police, after to have, in its turn, murdered an agent and hurt passing.>> Assassin?? To rephrase something Chris Rock once said about Tupac and Biggie Smalls: Martin Luther King was assassinated. Malcolm X was assassinated. That Australian just got SHOT.
A noyé found senior oarsman
"The frogmen attached to the departmental center of intervention and help, extirpate of the Seine the body without life of Pierre-Olivier Séry, 35 years, member of the nautical Circle of domiciled Melun with Lizines (close to Layered branches)." Which is really horrible. But the body was found "under the bridge of the Fart-with-Devil." The WHAT??
Ricardo Lakes Follows my Advice
This Sebastián Edwards guy might very well be the world's most eligible bachelor now that our dear John-John has vacated the position. Except for the fact that "He is arrogant, it likes to be it and is far from disguising it."
The Hatred of Anna Wintour
"Hay who think that the life of a publisher of fashions in New York is looked like a romantic and glamorosa comedy carried out by Audrey Hepburn. The truth is different, and the subject has more similarities with a tragedy of Shakespeare." They're talking about some little cat-fight between the editors of Vogue and Harpar's Bazaar here, people. Not exactly "intrigue, secrets and treasons like making shake to the very same Lady Macbeth."
The Battleship of Lavín
Hey, isn't that the professor from Jurassic Park? No, it's just Ernesto Silvia Bafulluy, some random guy from Chile. I watched part of that Billy's Hollywood Screen Kiss movie the other night and there was this obnoxiously pervy gay artist character that looked exactly like the professor from Jurassic Park too. Maybe the professor has figured out how to clone himself.
Stoiber is to down-let
In Germany, when the going gets rough in matters of real estate and politics, the tough <<down-let gefaelligst " the leather trousers ".>> Wouldn't it be ironic if that WASN'T just a weird German idiom?
New ice drink conquers of Hamburg catering trade
"To the summer heat wave a new alcohol-free mode beverage from the USA arrived punctual at Germany: Smoothys (smooth = softly, gently) are called the halffrozen Leckereien, which consist only of fruit, natural flavours and water." You mean they never had smoothies in Germany until now?? I guess everyone was satisfied with warm beer three times a day. <<" those come at the customers super on ", are pleased Thomas Mueller Claessen, which got the idea to Hamburg.>> I think "super on" means like "pretty good" or something.
The cross of the discord
A Frenchman named Domenica Michau has "A devotion so fascinating that it amené this farmer of Pussay to manufacture a 7,30 meters top Christian cross" (i.e., about 24 feet high). "Only problem, the mayor of Pussay tries to prevent the installation of this building, while being cut off behind the texts from the law." How cool would it be to be able to honestly say you were "the mayor of Pussay"? Or even "a farmer of Pussay" for that matter!
Turtles directed " in discotheque " saved
<<Numerous hardly been born turtles " Caretta caretta " on the beach of Roccella Jonica, have been saved from some young people.>> They were saved BY a young person too, a 15 year-old girl who led them inside a disco or something. That made me imagine a funny slogan for a t-shirt just now: "Disco saves lives." <<the " Wwf " reports, than in the zone it cures the " plan turtles " and that it previews between 15 days the birth of a great small number testuggini.>> The " Wwf " in this case I'm assuming to be the World Wildlife Federation, as opposed to Stone Cold Steve Austin et al.
Two binoculars, one is Down: they refuse
The article opens like an epic tragedy: "various Delivery to gemellare, but destinies." And indeed it is. The "binoculars" of the headline are actually twin children, one healthy, one with Down Syndrome, and the parents refused the latter one. Some parents.
Continuous basketball in Spain
A new Guiness world record was recently set for the longest basketball game ever by some guys in Spain. "According to specification of the supervisors each player removed about three kilograms because of the heat." Now there's an effective diet plan. My dad has told me he helped set the world record for the longest game of underwater Monopoly when he was in college but it was broken just a couple months later so he never got his name in the actual book.
Thanks to Cruel.com for choosing Tabouli as Cruel Site of the Day for July 30, 1999.
