email: autumnriver@yahoo.com

This is an illustration from Berserk, a manga by Kentaro Miura.  It is the complex and often harsh story of a young swordsman making his way in the world.  The art is gorgeous, but some of the subject matter is not for the weak of stomach.  This image is taken from the Italian site Berserk Homepage and used with their permission.

My Passions
Manga: X, Berserk, CCS, Basara, KKJ, Rurouni Kenshin, Sensei!, Naruto, Juline, Suki Dakara Suki

TV: Buffy, WWF, Home & Garden Network,  Iron Chef, International Channel

Reading: Celtic Art: the methods of construction by George Bain

Biseinen:  Kusanagi (X), Fuuma (X), Touya (CCS), Gatts (Berserk), Itou (Sensei!), Kakashi (Naruto), The Red King (Basara), Cho (RK), All the CCD cuties (Clamp Campus Detectives, X) and most especially Bob (Husband)

Hobbies: Learning Japanese, Calligraphy, drawing, writing, hiking, touring old houses, collecting foxes.

Cat of the moment: Lily

    

Subterfuge: By the Firelight

I usually don't agree with you but...

Ha. You caught that in the short time I had it up before I pulled it down again. I pulled that down after thinking about it because I realized that I didn't want to get in some hot debate over something so stupid. However, since you asked nicely:

Firstly, when a couple of people email me and say "Hey, lookit this!" and I see a rant on a blog using the exact phrasing on the same day that I wrote said phrase, odds are good I'm going to think the reference was towards myself. So please excuse me if I made an incorrect assumption. My bad.

"I don't agree with you but" or "I usually don't agree with you but" is hardly an indication of whether I like someone or not. I really don't know you, and usually only see your blog when someone else links it regarding a discussion. However, you have said some things in the past that I very much disagreed with in a way that I really didn't care for. Nothing wrong with that at all, it's your blog, and of course you can say whatever you want. However, regarding this discussion on feminism, you said some things that I found I did agree with somewhat, which was a surprise because our opinions often do not coincide. "I don't usually agree with you, but" is a hell of a lot nicer than "Usually, your opinions are waaaaay out there, but". Also, the courtesy also lies in the words following. I don't like to trash folk for having different opinions. But I will state my disagreement.

The phrase is not only directed at you, but also towards readers of my blog, as if to say "Here is someone with very different views from my own who strangely enough has said something I actually agree with. Wow. Let's take a look." I guess I just find "I don't usually agree with you but," to be easier.

It's the honest truth that I usually don't agree with what you say. That's not to say your opinions are bad or that I think less of you (or anyone that I refer to in that manner). The fact is that your different ideas often makes me look at my own opinions in a different light. Your rants make me think and I thank you for that.

I understand you value plain speaking and there's a lot of good to be said about that. I guess my internet experience (back from the early 1990's) has led me to not speak as plainly as I can (or perhaps should). I got my butt flamed too often on usenet--I learned fast to be very nice all the time. (Well, that and I'm just polite in real life--Southern, you know.)

You seem to blog in order to play with ideas (at least, that's how it comes over to me) and that's great, some of my favorite blogs are like that. I blog to play with ideas, but also to be social with my friends. When I point to people I don't know, or know only slightly, it's so that my few readers can see the origin of a discussion, before I put in my two cents. On this blog, I write for myself and my small circle of online friends. I'm astounded that anyone else would even read this. So the "Online Politics" thing made no sense to me whatsoever. Perhaps that was not directed towards me, in which case, never mind.

Please feel free to tear apart my feminism/gamers argument. It wasn't particularly well-written and I'm sure there are a lot of holes. I'm not very good at verbalizing my thoughts (my precision skills tend towards money/accounting). And I am certainly interested in hearing more about what you have to say on the feminism/gaming/comics front.

Thursday, April 4, 2002 07:18 a.m.

Various and Sundry

Kris, thanks for clarifying your point (and for your courteous reply). I can see where you're coming from now. "Maturity" in the sense that you've used it is a highly overrated concept. Certainly, some of the most enjoyable people I've met are the older SF/Fantasy fen or ancient SCAdians who despite their years pursue their geeky hobbies to the fullest and yet can remain responsible adults. I want to be able to do that when I'm fifty or sixty! And I appreciate your offer...I shall certainly contact you for more information regarding possible games of interest.

Sats-chan, sorry for having to dash off so quickly. I now have short hair again. I did want to ask you...have you seen the Bros. Hildebrant's Tolkien work? I like Alan Lee's work better I think, but the Hildebrants were how I was first introduced to the world of Tolkien.

Lika, great chatting with you! It seems I almost never see you anymore!

Great, now the Dream Police will be running through my head all night! Arrrgh!!

Wednesday, April 3, 2002 09:12 p.m.

A woman's place is in the comic store

Edited to remove a link. And for those who ask: yes, I read it. No, I'm not replying. No use wasting my time. You can follow most of the discussion through Kris' blog.

I've been watching with interest the feminism in gaming/comics discussion that has been going on on Kris' blog. As is my usual reaction, I don't agree with everything she has to say, but she certainly make interesting points.

I'm not going to comment on gaming. Bob's the gamer in the family, I don't have the patience. But I did go look at the womengamers.com site. Personally, as a longtime comics fan who has known all-too-well the unintended but frankly overt sexism within that industry, I think it can be expected that when women carve out "women's space", that space will tend to be highly feministic. Give it time. Eventually, the pendulum will swing more towards the middle. If it doesn't, hell, be the first and create the site you want.

I've ranted about the feminine presence in comics before, so I won't repeat myself here. One of the reasons I like shojo manga is because it is allowed to be completely feminine, something that is very, very rare in American comics since the Romance Comic industry died out in the early '70s (and let's face it, most of those were written by men). I think if there were games that felt more feminine, I might be willing to try it. (And I can just see Bob's eyes lighting up....)

One thing that Kris said here did kind of irritate me. I quote: "Which leads into point 2: women. As in, not girls. These are WOMEN. Not only are they apparently, on the average, twice my age, but they look at things from the perspective of married women or mother, and with that kind of "adult" perspective that I feel it very dull for people my age." Okay, would you have said that if it was a gender-neutral site? I think not. (I would be happy to be proven wrong, however). Er, and the site did say "WOMENgamers.com" did it not?

Now, I will grant that yes, perspective changes as one gets older. At 36, I'm walking a different path than an early-20 something college student. Nothing wrong with that, milage varies, it's the way of things. Perhaps you haven't spent a lot of time around older fans if you think we don't enjoy gushing about our favorite characters. We're just not as obvious about it ;-D or perhaps, intense. As much as I love my favorite characters, the aging, balding, hairy-chested sweetheart that shares my life gets first place. Fandom is great, but work, mortgage, taxes and the other essentials of life DO take up the majority of my time and attention. They have to, or my family would be in a world of hurt.

I guess statements like that sting because there seems to be a cultural expectation that women over 30 are supposed to be sensible moms who've given up such childish pursuits. (Guys, it seems, are exempt.) Well, fuck that. I'm really glad that there are a lot of females that have come to love anime and manga and comics and gaming and whatnot over recent years. It's a lot of fun to share their enthusiasm and enjoyment of the hobby. I wish there were more women of my age that were into this, but there aren't. Probably because there weren't that many girls into this sort of thing back 20 years ago.

This isn't as well-written as I'd like, but that's how I feel. Thanks for the interesting topic.

Wednesday, April 3, 2002 10:03 a.m.

Note to Iowa Weather Gods

Okay, weather-gods, it's past Easter. Let's ease up on the snow now, okay? You should have sent that earlier, when I wanted to ski.

Tuesday, April 2, 2002 10:56 a.m.

On Fanfiction

Edited to delete reference to blog that was making an April Fools joke. Which took me in, gullible fool that I am. However, I'm not one to waste a perfectly decent rant. Dammit, I'm proud of this rant. It was a good rant. All of you should email me and tell me how right I am about this rant, it's that good. God, I'm a genius. ;-D

The reason the prank worked is because fanfiction IS treading on rather weak legal ground. In some ways, I see the point about people making a profit riding on the backs of characters and situations that the writers/artists have worked hard to create. Certainly, doujinshi circles can (and do) profit. I originally was going to say that no one makes a profit from fanfiction, but that's not necessarily true, is it? The sites that host fanfiction may profit via advertisements. Even my own little site. I don't make any money from posting my fanfiction there, but I bet Yahoo/Geocities is making some cash from the ads that pop up on that page. Damn.

When I first started writing fanfiction as a teenager, it was something you showed to a few friends only. Everyone enjoyed it (at least, I hope they did :-/) and nobody worried about copyright infringement. In college, a friend introduced me to the world of fanzines (alas, a dying breed). Now, you could write stories and publish them! And since the print runs were usually quite small, and people were lucky if they covered their costs, most publishing companies didn't interfere. Unless the zine got too big, of course. Some authors got their start this way--I'm thinking specifically of Diane Duane here. I used to read her Star Trek fanzines way back when. She liked to write about Sarek. A lot. I liked her writing then. I still like it now.

So in college, I wrote Doctor Who and Star Trek fanfic. Looking back, most of it was pretty mediocre, but I enjoyed it, my friends (mostly) enjoyed it and the copyright holders either never knew or didn't care.

In the early days of the internet, fanfiction was also present. Now, you could write your stories and post them on an email list or website, thus bypassing the inconvenience of sending your work to a fanzine publisher, waiting until there were enough stories for the zine, hoping the publisher had enough cash on hand to actually print the thing and mail it. Plus, there was the added incentive of instant feedback! You could send a story to a list and have remarks sent back within a day or even mere hours!

At first, the copyright holders didn't notice--a lot of them weren't functional on the web yet. One exception was Anne McCaffrey. She'd been aware of the fanzine movement, and had even graciously allowed the fanzines to exist. But once things got on the internet, she became concerned. She was fairly web-saavy early on, and so was pretty strict about how stories could be distributed and what we could do in those stories. You were allowed to use her worlds, but not her characters, the timeline had to be far removed from her own stories and you couldn't change "the rules" that she had created regarding her dragons.

I wrote a lot of Pern fanfiction in the mid-1990s: fifteen stories worth, enough for a longish novel. Unfortunately, besides my friends and those few dozen people who subscribed to the published fanzine (McCaffrey insisted we could only circulate via print media at the time), no one has read them. (Which is too bad, they're some of my best work).

But now, there is another solution. On McCaffrey's site, go the the fanfiction forum and read the rules for subscribing and posting. Her lawyers will now allow posting of fanfiction, but only on the official forum, only if you relinquish control of any situations you may come up with in your fiction, and only if you promise not to infringe on the copyright of other authors, which I understood to mean not posting any other fanfiction anywhere.

Ooooookay....so does that mean if I wanted to reuse a situation in my original fiction that I had used in a fanfic (having worked out a dynamic or what have you), I could not use it legally? WTF?

I applaud McCaffrey on her continuing attempts to keep her fans happy while still protecting her valuable copyright. I'm not sure this is the final or best solution, however. Part of the problem, I think, is an evolution of culture. The comic strip Doonesbury (which I usually find quite dated) has been doing a lovely bit with a father and daughter fighting about online piracy. The stagnation of the publication/film/music/whatever industry has allowed this culture to flourish. Now, in these latter days, they have decided that it's time for them to crack their copyright whip and force the culture back into something they can control and profit from. I have no doubt there are changes coming, significant changes. It will be interesting to see where things progress.

Do I have any solutions? No. If the lawyers come and tell me to take my CLAMP fanfic down, I'll take it down. Might be good for me at that...force me to do my own stories instead, huh? ;-D But I'd sure miss reading everyone else's stuff, and the friendships that are developed when creative people share something they love.


Monday, April 1, 2002 08:43 a.m.

Death and...

Let me tell you how it will be
Taxman!
It's one for you, nineteen for me
Taxman!
'Cause I'm the Taxman, Yeah, I'm the Taxmaaaaaaan!

Guess what I've been doing with my time? Woo hoooo! This year, I actually tried to file electronically. We'll see how that goes. It took me two days to dig up the appropriate documentation and then 6 hours to actually go through the forms, but a lot of that was due to me having to stop and look up whether we were eligible for this or that deduction. *sigh* But you know, I still prefer to do them myself. Now if Bob can just get the dang printer working so that we can print out some hard copies...

Saw XTV 24 today (muchas gracias, Rachel!). I liked it. Sure as heck beats the 60-second suckfest that was the ending of X: the Movie. Overall, the series was uneven, but it had some good moments, mainly concerning Kusanagi and Yuzuriha. (Yeah, you knew I'd say that, didn't you?)

Oh, contrary to what I may have told a couple of people, it turns out I am not going down to my folks' place this week as planned. My mother managed to irritate me enough that I decided to stay here. In my usual fashion, I've been dithering about it, but I finally realized that I was really unhappy about going down there because I was angry and didn't want to drive nine hours each way just to be treated like I was substandard. Actually, as I type this, I realize I'm still angry. Of course, maybe that's just from doing the taxes.

I didn't start wearing glasses until just a few years ago, and I still don't like the way they look on me. My eyes won't tolerate contact lenses, so I'm stuck. I think I'm still resenting the fact that my vision went bad.

So what exactly is Teochew? I'm sorry, I know absolutely nothing about China. But it's kind of cool to know something about where your family is from.

Ammie-chan, I think the real reason we don't bring a dog in the house is that we couldn't keep up with one! They require a lot more care than a cat (I've had a couple of dogs in the past--Blackie, a chiuahua/poodle mix and Caligula, a doberman pinscher). But sometimes, I still think I'd like one! I've sent in a volunteer form to the Humane Society here, to see if I can help out walking the dogs there or something.

Oh, of course! Kamui dies so Fuuma can grant Subaru's wish to be the eternal uke! Gosh, why didn't I see that earlier??!

AAAAaaaaand, that's it for now. I'm tired and bitchy and angry and well, it's just one of those days. Bleh.

Sunday, March 31, 2002 09:54 p.m.

Typing a bit faster

Well, the hand is healing pretty well. Still have two bandages on the middle finger, but the other fingers are looking much better. As I said, hands heal pretty fast. I think the middle-finger cuts gonna scar, though. Oh, great, another scar.

I've not been online as much (due to typing difficulties), so I've been re-reading Maison Ikkoku. Yeah, yeah, it's the Viz translation. And I'm grateful for it, because otherwise I would have never known about this wonderful little series. Rumiko Takahashi is really a storytelling genius.

Manga really is a wonderful medium for storytelling. I really wish more American comic books could stretch themselves past the super-heros and tell stories like that. There are a few that have, but not many.

Oh, the dog show! I have fallen absolutely in love with this wonderful breed, the Shiba Inu. For those who want a "Husky"-like dog without the size, this is the one! There were about 7 or 8 Shibas at the show and they were just incredible little dogs. If we ever decide to get a dog (not likely, the cats wouldn't be too happy), we'd get one of these for sure! Oh, we also saw some huuuuuge Great Danes and some really fancy Afghan Hounds that were gorgeous.

Re: X Manga. The Karen/Nataku bonding is real sweet and all, but please, please, CLAMP-ladies, could we not have more pages each month? And an appearance by Kusanagi would not be taken amiss. Ah, well, at least Legal Drug will be making an appearance soon.

And now, back to the taxes. Yeeeeeeehaw!

Tuesday, March 26, 2002 10:23 p.m.

Typing Real Slow

Well, I think I'm beating back the cold. Rest and lots of fruit juice can do wonders. However, while washing dishes the other day (we don't have an automatic dishwasher), a glass shattered and left a couple of really nasty cuts on the back of the fingers of my left hand. So I'm not typing too well (because of the bandages on my fingers), but hopefully that won't last too long. Hands heal fairly quickly.

Lika, I gotta agree with Ammie-chan and Satsuki-chan. I kinda like the Karen picture. The art style reminds me of something vaguely art deco, or maybe something that P. Craig Russell might do.

Beauty and the Beast? That wouldn't happen to be Daisuke and Hinoto would it? (Daisuke being the beauty, of course! XD XD XD) I'm sorry, I just cannot get myself to liking Hinoto. Kanoe, at least, does something about things, rather than sit around looking helpless.

Alison, the second part of Yakusoku was a nice read. Damn, I wish I could write the boy-stuff the way you can.

Someone was actually kind enough to email me and explain the "I won't forgive you!" thing! Mucho obligato! It seems this is one of those cases where an "exact translation" isn't the best wording to use to make the concept understandable in English. I have a lot to learn!

I have more to say (Oscars! Dog Show! X manga! Maison Ikkoku!), but typing this is taking forever, so it'll have to wait.

Monday, March 25, 2002 07:28 p.m.

*sniffle*

Alison, I'm not sure how long the pain is supposed to last--when I had tonsilitis, they had to take my tonsils out. I do remember that ice cream sure felt good on the throat, though.

As for me, I went for a walk (to run some errands) yesterday, with the wind chill at a factor of 3 degrees F. Bad call. I've been sniffling and wheezing all day today. But, dang it, it looked so sunny and pretty out there! Note to Iowa Weather Gods: We've passed the Vernal Equinox--you can go ahead with the nicer weather now...!

There's a dog show in town this Sunday, which we plan to go see. It should be fun. Although I am very much a cat person (points to our four kitties), I also happen to like dogs a lot. In fact, I'd like to get a dog, but the kitties would never forgive me!

Which reminds me: something I've noticed a lot in both anime and manga is the phrase "I won't forgive you!". This is confusing to me, especially when someone is saying that to their enemy. Why the hell should the enemy care if the hero forgives him or not? I mean, if I were an enemy, and my opponent told me "I'll never forgive you!", I would just reply "Okay, that's fine." and would go ahead with my dastardly deed or whatnot. Could anyone explain this to me? Perhaps I'm dense? Or the cold medicine is making me ditzy?

Argustar, gomen nasai! Although we've gone to the last few Anime Centrals, we can't afford it this year (what with the move here, and having to replace our heating/cooling system in the house). I'm hoping we can go next year, though!

Friday, March 22, 2002 02:59 p.m.

Sugar Crash!!!!

Bob made cookies last night. Chocolate Chip. And now, I'm paying the price. Arrrrrrgh! I hate sugar crashes!!!!

It's my own fault, I guess. Time was, I could drink massive amounts of soda and eat sweets till the cows came home and not have a problem. A couple of years ago, the doctor made me get off caffeine (ie: no soda, no coffee, only decaf tea). And with only a few lapses, I managed to do this. It was really hard because I LOVE soda (Dr. Pepper and Mountain Dew being the favorites). However, the result is that I get very jumpy when I have sweets now (chocolate being loaded with caffeine). Actually, the doctor recommended I drop chocolate as well, but I am weak, I tell you, weak!!!

Of course, I manage to avoid sweets pretty well after a massive sugar crash. But then, their sweet siren song calls me back again, until I am once more wrecked. Oh, the humanity.

Kerianne, I'm glad you got to go after all. And yes, you do have a point about Kusanagi suffering from the male prettiness surrounding him. And also, I guess, tastes change. When I was a teenager, I much preferred pretty boys. Anyone remember Star Blazers? And the wonderful Leader Desslok? Damn, he was coolness personified! I don't think I even took a second look at the plain but brave soldiers who were fighting him. It was all about that sweet blond badboy.

And prettiness won't do much if there isn't some character behind it. How many of ya'll want to boot Kakyou in the head? Yeah, I thought so. He's a fiiiiine looking boy, but without a backbone, I think I'll pass. ;-D I really liked Subaru in Tokyo Babylon, but his X incarnation is so mopey that I'm surprised that anyone likes him. Except Kamui, but that boy has such a soft heart!

Congrats, Ammie-chan on the birth of your nephew!!! But careful about dissing Bigwig...Lika is real fond of that rabbit...;-D

Alison, I hope your throat is feeling better. Tonsilitus is no fun. *hands over Lily* Here, have a kitty. They're good for what ails you.

Welcome back, Satsuki-chan!!! Missed you muchly!!!

In other news, I finally watched a few fansub episodes of Kare Kano (His and Her Circumstances), which will be coming out in the US within a couple of months. Oh, what a darling series!! Can't wait to get legit, decent copies of it!!!

Wednesday, March 20, 2002 09:03 p.m.

Rrrrrrrr

RassumfrassumRassumrrrrrr. Was ranting away and the Hickory cat manages to somehow unplug the computer and I lose it! Dang cat. Bob, get out the skillet: we're having fried kitty tonight!

Alison, LOL, that is the most unique excuse I've ever seen for betrayal. XD Makes sense, though, and you know, if Yuuto or Fuuma don't suffice, Arashi could always get together with Kanoe. (I'm not counting Kusanagi, he's never around and besides, he's got Yuzuriha). Arashi always did kinda strike me as the yuri type, anyway.

Speaking of Kusanagi, I'm getting pretty damn tired of seeing the putdowns. You know the ones I mean: Lumberjack, Street Fighter Reject, coughPedophilecough. You know what I mean, don't you, Satsuki-chan? I don't see why folks dislike him so much. Okay, so he's not as pretty as Kamui, Subaru or even Aoki. Okay, so his total angst-quotient seems to be that his underaged girlfriend is fighting for the other side. Okay, so he seems to have failed on the sociopathic requirement for being a sucessful Dragon of Earth. That doesn't make him a boring character!! Sheesh.

I think what most appeals to me about him (besides the military thing: that's just a fetish of mine) is that despite his tough guy demeanor, he's actually quite gentle. And it's so sweet that Yuzuriha is able to see that right away: usually, it takes a while before a gal realizes the importance of that trait.

Lika, you make an interesting point about not saying that one is not going to have kids. However, I disagree. People can sincerely intend not to have kids and change their minds later (better that than the reverse, eh?). And yes, sometimes, despite precautions, one can get pregnant. And maybe even enjoy motherhood (might as well. No use making yourself miserable over something that has already happened). That doesn't mean someone is a hypocrite. It only means that things change. Hmmm. There's got to be a better way of putting that...

Ammie-chan, got that pink room decorated yet?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to start dinner. Here, kitty, kitty..... ;-D

Tuesday, March 19, 2002 06:53 a.m.

The girl with the Sea Green eyes

Oh my God, they found her!

I remember when that issue first came out (my parents have subscribed to National Geographic since I was a baby) and how touched I was by the fury in that's girl's eyes. Of course, at that time, who knew we'd be fighting in Afghanistan ourselves?


Wednesday, March 13, 2002 10:10 p.m.

And she's even awake

I fell asleep too early, so am up in the middle of the night again. So what does that mean, amigos? You got it: Social blogging time!

Thank you all so much for your condolences. It means a lot.

Argustar, welcome to blogland! Love the title "Supervixen"!

Alison, beautiful layout--you always manage to track down the most interesting pictures! And personally, no, I didn't much care for Angelic Layer either. Pokemon,, for all its overexposure, was actually a series with some heart (and the super-cute Pikachu and other creatures). I didn't feel that (or much of anything) for Angelic Layer.

Lika, enjoyed your rant about Montgomery. Anne of Green Gables and its sequels are great favorites of mine. I think I read Rilla of Ingleside a loooong time ago. Need to go to the library and read it again. I haven't read any of Montgomery's other works, though. Right now, I'm on a mystery kick. Comes from hanging out with my Mom, who is addicted to them. I came across a couple of Trixie Belden books at my grandparent's old place and brought them back with me. They belonged to one of my aunts back in the days of yore. I always used to read them when I was over there as a kid. Very cute series, although extremely dated (heck, the early books seemed dated when I was a kid!).

Ammie-chan, hope your move went okay! And thank you, a day with dandelions sounds delightful. And I think Yuzu/Inuki is perfectly viable, in a non-romantic sort of way. Inuki is highly underrated as a character, I think.

Satsuki-chan, you've not blogged lately, but I just wanted to say hi and I've missed you!

Kristin, it's gonna take me a day to go back and read your recommended fics! However, it's always worth the effort! HP fandom is so large, it's hard for an occasional fan like myself to weed out what I would like (ie Sirius/Remus). Oh, btw, have started working (very, very slowly) on Sensei!. My Japanese is self-taught and half-baked, but it's been actually a lot of fun so far. This is the first time I've actually tried to translate something (as opposed to just trying to read it, which is hard enough--Thank You God for furigana!) The challenge I've faced is trying to find a narrative "voice" for each character in English. (Does that make sense?) It's slow work, though. Makes me really appreciate the ones you've done.

Kerianne, love the new layout. *pats back* My sympathies on X TV 21. I can't wait to see it. Poor Karen. And poor Aoki! *looks fierce* The X-animators better be nicer to Kusanagi and Yuzuriha! (Somehow I doubt it, but I can't help hoping, you know? ;-D)

As for me, well, as ya'll know, I had to go down to Florida (the family is originally from Mississippi, but my grandparents settled in Florida about 60 years ago). The funeral was actually pretty nice, except for the preacher. My grandparents were very devout Southern Baptists, so instead of a eulogy, we got a service about how we should accept Jesus as our Savior this very minute. Over and Over and Over. At least he left out the Hellfire and Brimstone (my aunt Sarah Ann cornered him beforehand and forbade it). Fortunately, my cousin Wendy had her little daughter Rachel with her, so I spent most of the service helping Wendy keep the baby quiet. Most of the family felt as I did, that Paw-Paw's death had been a mercy. What was difficult was seeing my rather domineering grandmother brought so low. She was not herself at all, not the entire time I was down there. It was heartbreaking.

I stayed at their old house, which was up for sale. In some ways, that was probably good for closure. So many memories in that place! We were told to go through the remaining items and pick out anything we wanted, because the rest would be sold at the estate sale. I felt like a vulture, but my grandmother didn't mind. They had just moved to a smaller house and there was no way all that stuff would fit. Evidently, I was one of the last ones to look at the stuff--my relatives had taken most of their preferences before the move.

There was no TV there, so I spent a lot of time reading and reflecting (when I wasn't helping my folks out at the other house). It was sad saying goodbye to Paw-Paw and to the old homestead, but in a way, it was freeing. Most of my relatives were there and for once I actually belonged somewhere. Then we did our usual stunt and dispersed back across the US.

I feel a lot better about life. I guess that's what funerals do for us.

And you know what I liked best about the trip? Being down South again. Nice and warm, great food, bluegrass music. I even got to have lunch and a brief tour in New Orleans on my way. And not once did someone say "You're not from around here, are you?" But it's nice being back in quiet and peaceful Iowa.


Wednesday, March 13, 2002 04:36 a.m.

She's baaaaaaaack

*waves tiredly*

Just got back this evening. It's been a difficult week with the funeral and estate-settling and all, but it was nice to see the family again. Spent an extra day travelling back, but it was worth it 'cause I got a travel certificate for volunteering to take a later flight. Am very tired and babbling and need some serious Bob time. And kitty time as well.

Will social blog tomorrow when coherent. Am enjoying catching up on everyone's blogs. Ya'll always have such interesting things to say!

I can't believe I went a whole week and a half without internet. Woo!


Tuesday, March 12, 2002 07:55 p.m.